How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

Kari

December 10, 2014 at 9:32 pm

Ok so I am having serious relationship issues with the father of my child. I made the biggest mistake of my life and not sure how to fix whats broken. This is long but to start off We have been together on and off for about 4 years now with a 3 year old daughter. I guess you can say We have been through hell and back with one another. He put me through a whole lot for almost our whole relationship. There were other girls involved in our relationship, more than 5. He has never admitted to cheating on me but still would talk to all these girls in a sexual way as if he were cheating on me. He would always hide his phone from me and when I was able to sneak in there I have found pictures in his phone of other females or dating websites, sexual text messages ,etc. We always broke up because of him not being loyal and honest to me. He would party and would not come home until he felt like it while I was at home either pregnant or with his child. He has just done some horrible things to me over the past years that i felt changed me as a person and really messed up my mind and way of thinking. Sometime in october last year we had our first longest break up which lasted about a month. It started with His ex girlfriend who had recently passed away and i guess felt confort in some one very close to her. He was always close to his ex girlfriend even when I had met him. She was there for him as a friend and helped him with a lot of personal issues he was going through. So when she passed it was extremely hard on him to cope with, the fact that she was killed didnt make it any better. It was hard on my end too being his girlfriend but it was something I just had to deal with as well. I believe we had an argument and one of those “i dont want to be with you” fights, a few days later i decided to through his phone while he wasnt looking. It had been a while since I had gone through his phone so I was nervous to find something. When ever I had a gut feeling about something I was always on point with catching him! What I found was pictures of a girl, this girl was sending him sexual pictures (no nudes) and would send him love quotes as if they were together. I was furious!! When i confronted him he told me the truth, he said it was some one close to his ex. He said he was only flirting because he was trying to help her get through the death of his ex. I didnt accept it and kicked him out of my parents house (we were living with them). A few weeks later, it was his weekend to have his daughter so I had a free weekend to go out with my friends. We went to a small get together. There I took a picture with some guy and jokingly put it on facebook with the caption “my husband” . My childs father did not take that too well. Even though we werent together he hated the idea of any guy being with me. The guy ended up catching feelings for me I guess I misled him to believe that I liked him when I didnt. We eventually got back together with the impression that he was going to fix things as far as him gaining my trust and that he stopped talking to his ex girlfriends “friend” . I was to cut the guy out of my life as well, which I did. My childs father ended up fighting the guy twice just because of the picture and so on. Now Months go by and once again we are on and off again. We had a bad break up this year sometime in spring. We were living with my parents at the time. We were going through the same drama, I didnt trust him and he didnt appreciate me. He felt as I had pushed him away and I felt like he pushed me away. We had no communication at this point. Everything was going down hill. I was planning on finally getting my own place and he agreed to do so, we figured it might help things. I had found a nice little apartment for us to live in but when the time came to move he didnt come with our daughter and myself. He had all his things in my house but was never “home” or he would come and go as he pleased. He told me he was staying with family since we were not together at the time. He came to my house one night to see our daughter, I went through his phone to see what he was up to since about a week had gone by with out him seeing his daughter. I saw him sending texts to a girl stating he loved her and so on. I was hurt i felt like why would you leave your family to be with another girl. I had promised to go with him to visit family out of state. I was heated after I saw those messages but still went on the trip. It was awkward at first but things got to be great. He acted like we were going to be back together. Through out our relationship if i felt like he was cheating or lying I would always investigate. And I was always right about the stuff I would find. ALWAYS!! What I found out when we were visiting family is that he was living with a girl who had caused us to break up once before. She just happened to be his deceased ex-girlfriends cousin. The one he was communicating with the first time we had our real break up. The one I found the pictures of. In my eyes that was just so wrong. I reached out to her and we had this huge altercation over social media. It was big!! He would come to my house and make me believe that we would be together once again but then go home to her. He was living with her for about 2 months and then we eventually decided to get back together regardless of what he put me through I felt like my family was the most important thing and worth the fight. He begged for us back and left the girl. They were not dating they were just sleeping together which he didnt confess too until he found out my secret. He made her believe that he loved her and that hurt me the most. I still took him back even though i was so disgusted that he would do that to me. He eventually moved back in and things were slowly getting good. I had serious trust issues because of all the things he has put me through so we would argue here and there. He would constantly apologize for the things he has done but sometimes the sorry just doesnt cut it. Months ago we had a bad fight where he was going out every weekend and coming home the next morning. Once again I got fed up. I felt like he was never going to change at that point. I left him at home with his daughter one day because he rarely spent any time with her always working and going out. I ended up going to hang out with some friends and it resulted in me getting extremely drunk. With that being said I made a huge mistake of making out with a guy he didnt like. Not just any guy though, some one my boyfriend hated with a passion. The guy I had taken the fb picture with, the one he fought multiple times resulting in the kid getting sent to the hospital. I barely remember much of that night. I just remember being so angry with him that day, i felt like i would never be good enough for him like he never really loved me. In my eyes If he did those things to me in the past then he didnt really love me. So it was like sleeping with the enemy even though we didnt sleep together. What i did was just wrong. We got into a huge fight when i got home because i was really drunk and he knew i was hanging around some guys he didnt like. He eventually got over me going out and have had our ups and downs since then. Got into another huge fight about 1 month ago but since then we promised to fight less and love more. Things were perfect, like they were before all of our problems came into the picture. We were finally happy and felt like the perfect family. We spoke about our future together and just in love with him more then ever. He was finally changing his player ways. Well About 2 or 3 months went by since the drunk incident and some how he just found out. His friends told him, I guess a lot of people knew about that night with me and the guy. Since the drama my boyfriend and the guy had was all because of me in the first place. So the word spread. I kept it from him beause i was a coward and had fear he would leave me for good. I went through years of him being dishonest, unloyal, disrespectful, etc. I mean he has done really horrible things to me that have messed up the way I am and now think. I always forgave him and took him back because I knew that I loved him and regardless he was and has been there for me and our daughter. I never wanted to lose him then and it continues now. Well when he found out I kissed that guy he went crazy. It was horrible and I have never in my life seen some one that angry. I honestly thought he was going to kill me. I felt like the worst person ever, I betrayed him and my family. I regret what i did since the moment it happened. No matter what he has put me through for years I was always 100 with him, i stayed loyal and faithful even when we werent together. That wasnt like me to do, Im not like that to get mad at my boyfriend and go make out with some one he hates or any one in general. It was a mistake that happened, I took full repsonsibility of my actions. Now he doesnt know weather he would like to continue being a family with me. I know hes hurt and upset because he has made me hurt hundreds of times as well so i know exactly what he feels. I always told him no matter what happens I will never hurt him the way he hurt me but I did. I am so sorry and extremely guilty for ruining my family. He says he wants to give me another chance because of the things he has done in the past but doesnt know how he will ever move on from this. I lost my self respect that night and thats what bothers him the most. He was and is the only man I have ever been intimate with. He feels like ive labeled my self as one of those easy girls and is embarassed since I am the mother of his child and speeks highly of me to his family and friends. I just need to know how to make things right? Should he learn how to forgive me just like I have forgiven him hundreds of times or Do I let him go? I have so much fight in me for my family. I know it will take time but I will and am going to do everything and anything to gain his trust back. I just dont know where to start? We live together so how much space could I possibly give him? I tried to give him space these past few days and he didnt take that to kindly. He was more bothered that I havent been trying to talk to him. In his eyes he feels like Im not bothered by the situation or feel any regret. I am deeply sorry but no amount of sorrys will fix it. I need to show him with actions. He has yet to be my “ex” but with everything hes said he might as well be. We are still living together and its extremely uncomfortable because i have no idea what to say and he brings up what i did every 5 seconds. He has not stopped talking about it since he found out. It seems like he wants to give it another shot and then changes his mind the next second. So im not sure how to go about things. Help!!

admin

December 15, 2014 at 5:13 am

Ok, I read half of your story…

I could only get through half.

Your ex… He is clearly not going to stop behaving the way he is behaving.

Getting him back should be easy in my opinion… Having a healthy trustful relationship with him probably will be more of a challenge.

ellen

December 9, 2014 at 10:26 pm

Hi I need advice I was with my partner for four years we had survived a lot we both met in a night shelter for homeless people and got a place in a hostle together we got evicted and got a place together that was temp thro the council I was suffering anorexia but concieved our first baby that did not go full term we then eight months later moved into the flat I live in now and found out that I was pregnant whilst anorexic but this one went to term.
He was really looking forward to the birth of our son and he was an amazing hands on daddy you could see the love with in our family social services became involved and it stressed him out to no ends. He also got employment and became the sole bread winner he was getting slated by s.s. for working long hours but he had to cover all tye outgoings he got premoted in three months and was very stressed at work things between us started to go wrong and we argued a lot then a female started work in the same place as him and tried to become my friend and get close to my son she was play fighting with my then partner at work so pulled them up about it and she told me she only saw him as a work mate next thing I know she has him thinking I am bad for him and causint h im all the stress he was under he called it a day.
We chat over watts app and text he comes to my home and we have slept with each otger twice but not empty s se x it was tull of passion that happened when I told him I was going to start dating asn night have needs.
I do not feel like it is the end it just dont feel like it we are getting on really well since ye moved out and today he said he regreted what he chose but hes not sure if t coz he misses our son I dob t love him I am in love with him and want him back we message everyday and I even meet him for lunch in the week when he has a break at work. Im so confused and I feel like im fall like ng deeper in love with him. He hugs me good bye and they have been lingering hugs the ones where we both just hold on please help .

admin

December 10, 2014 at 3:37 pm

It seems clear what you have to do…

No contact for a while.
SweetLove

February 10, 2015 at 6:48 am

Me & my first love have been together since 2012 , he was my first everything & I fell in love with him he is 6 years older than I we have a son & I am now currently pregnant with his daughter. . . ok so let me give you full detail . I’ve caught him flirting over Facebook with his ex gf in the beginning of our relationship & seen a lot of messages with other females . . I was going to leave him but he said they were nothing he loves me & wants to be with me . . then a year later I’ve been seeing again female friends he was at a party with flirting in his messages he also came home with a hickie & said he was drunk ,ever since then I’ve been suspicious. . now I’m pregnant & in the beginning of me pregnancy I found out he was living with another girl she even said he speaks bad about me , they broke up like two months later now he’s single we had sexual contact but he said he don’t want a relationship he has girls he mess with & he told them the same thing that relationship aren’t for him . as stupid as I may sound I’m use to him & love him & want him to be my bf not a sex buddy , how do I do that without looking desperate & insecure of the other girls ?
admin

February 10, 2015 at 4:12 pm

OMG he cheated on you…

Are you sure you want him?
SweetLove

February 11, 2015 at 3:54 pm

Smh yes do you have a private email ?
admin

February 16, 2015 at 9:43 pm

[email protected]
SweetLove

February 18, 2015 at 6:07 am

It says error when I try to email you
admin

February 18, 2015 at 9:49 pm

[email protected]
SweetLove

February 19, 2015 at 9:34 pm

I emailed you
SweetLove

February 11, 2015 at 3:56 pm

What do you think I should do ? I mean don’t men cheat & the girl take him back ?

Jen

December 8, 2014 at 10:29 pm

My ex and I have always had a rocky relationship, I got pregnant and shortly after having my son, we’ve gone to court for custody and all that.. it took some time but after that we still would act as if we were together (including hooking up) there was a period in time where we both were kind of seeing people but that ended and i stopped seeing the guy because he made it seem like he wanted to be together.. and we were for a bit there but we have so many issues it ended shortly after.. its been a back and forth relationship and hes hurt me tremendously, i know i need to move on.. i found out recently that he was seeing another girl behind my back when we were actually considered together. it makes me sick to my stomach and im having a hard time getting passed it. im starting the MC but i have to see him alot when we exchange our son. i dont know if i exactly want him Back but i want to show him and remind him what hes missing and giving up. also, any advice on how to move on and get passed all this hurt? i feel like its never ending. thank you so much for the advice above, its helped put some things in perspective a little.

admin

December 9, 2014 at 1:30 pm

Define the rockiness. What are the problems with the relationship in your opinion?
Jen

December 13, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Trust issues, mainly.. he is very private and keeps alot to himself and therefore what I want to call a little shady at times. okay, a lot of times. again, i know i need to move on, i dont think i could ever trust him again. i am the only one i feel every really Tried to/and in the relationship. it hurts that he was/is seeing this girl behind my back but even more because Ive realized how insignificant i must be to him. i dont know if id classify this as a rebound either because of the rocky relationship, i dont feel it had enough substance that he would want it back either, but i dont know.. like i said, i want to show him and remind him what hes missing and giving up. i believe i was still a pretty decent girlfriend to him and treated him good, i just think he took advantage of it.
Jen

December 13, 2014 at 12:45 pm

P.S.- It’s been almost a week now of MC besides when he picks up our son and even then he acts as if nothing ever happened and he doesnt have a care in the world.

ShevyNova

December 4, 2014 at 2:11 am

Ah… This is where I’m supposed to be posting. 🙂
I’ve literally done NC for a couple months with him. His mom had to text/call for his pick up and drop offs. It stopped last year at thanksgiving actually because I balled my eyes out for not being able to spend it with my baby. He was nasty to me up to that point and got nice and initiated contact after my emo episode. That was last year. It’s gone a lot back and forth over the year. Right now it’s nice. I really hate the bipolar Jekyll Hyde crap I have to deal with from him but I think it’s the only way he can handle his emotions by talking to me bad. Anyhow. Not sure what stage I can consider myself in. I’ve been improving myself and all that jazz. Guess I need to figure out how to be flirty with other guys without coming off easy. My mom and grandma were good at this. Grandma married 9 times! I suppose I shld follow suit but I went the opposite lol. I’ve charmed guys before. Not on purpose tho. Guess ill have to figure that one out lol. We might see him tomorrow cuz I’ll be in his are if he wants to visit her. I suppose I shld look as good as possible. Not sure how to turn other guys’ heads tho lol

admin

December 4, 2014 at 1:27 pm

Was it a full NC? Did you break it?
ShevyNova

December 4, 2014 at 4:18 pm

For about a month, his mom had to pick her up and droop her off because I wouldn’t talk to him. I let that ease up because she lives far away so he went back to picking her up and dropping her off but his mom had to call/text when he was here. After a few months he started messaging me himself again and I didn’t respond other than to take her outside to him. We didnt talk but he would make some nasty comment under his breath. I don’t know why he was so mad at me. I was happy cuz I didn’t have him stressing me out with rude texts and calls. Even when he started initiating contact, I tensed up knowing it would be a matter of time before he got all nasty with me. He can’t discuss things like a mature person. I try to fix an issue, he tells me I’m starting crap (I’m like-no! I’m trying to fix it!) and I’m not quick to anger so I address our issues calmly but he gets fired up and I follow suit. Anyhow, back to after his initiating contact after a few months of basically none, it was nice for a whole. I kept my distance. I know it bugs him that I don’t text him pics of her anymore but I got to the point where I didn’t want to fool myself with the good texts when I knew bad ones would eventually follow so I keep it neutral. 6 months of good/neutral contact then I filed a modification to our visitation schedule because my schedule changed and he flipped a gasket. Even the judge called him out for being an ass which was nice because last time the judge treated me like crap. Judge didnt change anything tho so the only satisfaction I got out of it was seeing the ex as pissed and flustered as I was last time. Anyhow, he got all mad at me over child support and told me to never ever talk to him again but he broke that the following week. I think he was trying to hurt my feelings but I was more entertained than anything else because it was his turn to be the whiny bit€h and not mine. Plus I’ve become used to and somewhat immune to his amo.
But we are here a week after thanksgiving on what seems to be good terms and he made thanksgiving very nice for me. He didnt have to invite me and be so charming but he did and was. It’s annoying. Not sure if he is even capable of considering us working on it but I definitely don’t want to ruin things by being me lol. Even though I’m awesome. 😉
admin

December 8, 2014 at 12:24 pm

So, things are looking good from what I see especially if he was trying to be charming on Thanksgiving.
ShevyNova

December 4, 2014 at 9:13 pm

I gave him the opportunity to hang out with her today because I had something to do in his area- said I’d drop her off and meet up with them later. He was on board yesterday but told me today that he’s “feeling under the weather” and that he’ll just pick her up tomorrow like usual. (He’s supposed to see her Wednesdays but never has cuz he hates driving to where I live. I thought since he’s supposed to see her and I had a thing to do there that he would go for it). Anyhow, I just texted him back “Saul Goode. She likes going with me anyway.” So maybe he thinks I’m trying to play this game? Don’t really know. Either way, a couple hours with him wld have been fun for her but whatev. It sucks cuz when he picks her up on Friday, it will be too dark for him to see me trying to look nice lol
Oh well. This crap takes time. I just hope I don’t go through all this torture for nothing.
What think ye of my response?
admin

December 8, 2014 at 12:28 pm

Not too bad actually.

My advice would be to continue progressing but keep things at a steady but slow pace. Don’t try to make things happen overnight.

reshma

November 11, 2014 at 12:34 am

Hi Chris,

I am dealing with a bit of an anusual situation right now and I could use some guidence. Sorry, it is a long and complicated story but very challenging I promise!!

I met a guy while on exchange in Canada. We were in a non-official relationship for a few months because I am from Europe and we automatically assumed we had no future to begin with. But we did have a very special connection and unintentionally acted all bf/gf like. He even cried when he dropped me off at the airport. That was 2 years ago though, about a week after I came back home I realised I was pregnant. I told him over skype and he was shocked at first but took it surprisingly well. He wanted to help out and be a part of our family but needed some time to sort out how. He thought it would be too forced to think about marriage and immigration so easily. I understood that and the first few months we were having great conversations about the baby and unrelated stuff, just like good friends. However I could tell there was still alot more between us even though he said he didn’t think of me as a girlfriend.

After a while I started getting hormonal, clingy, needy and distrusting of his every action. I was also still very much in love with him and he knew that but didn’t feel the same. He said he wanted to learn my langauge and be there when I gave birth and help out with the baby. He was very involved with the wellbeing of our child and I saw his eyes sparkle every time we talked about her. He was also thinking about names, but he was always a little vague about what his role in her/our lives would be. I could also tell he was slipping away from me. After a few disagreements we lost contact and I decided to go back to canada to sort things out with him. Unfortunately he didn’t take all to well. It was confusing and he didn’t want all the feelings to come back. We did talk about things like child support and a few times I felt we were like an inch away from jumping each others bones..LOL.. I was 6 months pregnant but still very attractive..or so I was told.

Anyways before I left I felt we was slipping away again, he told me he met someone he liked and with her he was able to be young and free..whatever that means. So we lost all contact or to be honest he started to ignore me completely untill I called him a few days after our daughter was born and he anwsered like he was awaiting the call about her birth. He was happy but still not sure about what to do about it but he never said anything about visiting his daughter. So again we lost contact. After 3 months I figured maybe he needs to see pictures or something. So I sent him a few pictures and videos.

The first time he was soo happy about the pictures and he started sending monthly child support after that. But after I started asking questions again he stopped talking to me because he knew I was still too emotionally attached and he was now officially dating that girl. I continued sending him pictures and videos once every month with an update on her growth, not for myself but for my daughters sake because I knew he was interested in her and actually wants to be her father. I decided to let go of him and wasn’t even expecting us to ever talk to each other again so eventually my emails only said: SEE PICTURES BELOW.
However I wondered what I did to make him avoid me like a plague since during our time together he was smitten over me, telling me I was the most beautiful girl he ever had. And I know he wasn’t lying because one look from me could make him blush like crazy even when he was mad at me.

Soo confused as I was I decided to read the Drama Method, not to get him back but just to understand what went wrong and to maybe get him to warm up to me to the extend of normal polite people. In my mind I thought he hated me or he wouldn’t be so cruel to completely ignore my emails and phonecalls. Funny thing is I knew that even though in the beginning he never responded he did listen to my voicemails because I told him once he was late with the child support and half hour later I got a paypal alert. Also when I said I was going to stop sending pictures about 7 months after he suddenly emailed me back saying he loved the pictures and videos and didn’t want me to stop sending them. So I caved and continued sending him updates, but I still heard nothing from him.

Soo like I said I decided to read the drama method and a lot about my own behavior that caused him to stray became clear to me. So I tried the positive approach and in my updates about our daughter and instantely I got responses from him about the pictures. I told him I respected his decisions and I needed the time apart for myself as well because I did. On our daughters first birthday he send a package with gifts and a cart saying he was proud of her for taking her first steps and loves her. I was very happy because I had achieved what I wanted. I knew from that moment what I always thought.. He really wants to be her dad.

After that I didn’t feel the need to chase him anymore, BUTTTTT now he started being so friendly suddenly. He told me he was soo happy and moved by my perseverence and appreciates the effort and thought I put in the stuff I sent him. And now he asks me all kinds of questions about my life and what I do when I am not taking care of our daughter. He is also very emotionally supportive and started opening up about what has been going on in his life as well. In fact he answers every of my questions even though I am not willing to ask the hard ones yet.. I have learnt my lesson. And he was actually laughing about my silly comments and he wants to start skyping again to meet our daughter and maybe if it goes well a visit will follow.

I am really confused because I want him to be a part of our daughters life but I am scared of the hold he has on me. Which doesn’t make any sense because I haven’t seen his face in a year and a half I have no clue what he is like (even though he saw me in my shorts in a few videos and knows all about our daughters developments and my problems and the good things as well) What do I do now? I know this might be totally the reverse thing of what other women ask you but How do I PREVENT myself from falling more and more for this guy. I don’t want to dream and hope for things that just won’t ever happen. I have no clue if he is still dating the other girl..though I doubt it because he wouldn’t talk to me so intimately if he was. Also we live in different continents so I don’t want to hope for something unreasonable..yet I am on this page.. I tried dating other ppl and had a lot of fun but it is only a temporary comfort and it will not be enough to defend myself. I don’t want to be hopeful and naive but I can’t help it.

Please help me!!

admin

November 20, 2014 at 3:25 pm

Have you tried the NC yet?

Also, you were long distance correct?

How many times did you see each other when you were seperated?

Its his baby I am assuming so you must have seen him quite a few times.
reshma

December 8, 2014 at 10:20 pm

Hi Chris,
Thank you for taking the time to read my long and complicated story.
We had a now contact period but that was because he was ignoring me and I went along with it. Eventually I started sending him pictures and videos of our daughters progress and we ‘ve talked once a while but never about the important stuff. We actually haven’t seen each other in over a year. He does send gifts once a while and wants to send more for christmas. But I think I might try a NC now so he knows its not okay to just send gifts and leave the important matters unspoken.

Hopefully it will give him the wake up call he needs and if it backfires, well I think I had enough of serving him all the time so it might not be too bad to break free from the hold he has on me.

If you have more advice on what long distance parenting I would love to hear it!

Reshma

jane corbett

October 16, 2014 at 12:44 pm

Hi
well, I know this sounds awful, but even though we are in the middle of a court case, I still want to get back with my wee boys father. I still love him, and I tried the techniques you suggest, no contact about 4 months aho. It worked and he was willing to give our relationship another go. Then after 2 weeks he freaked out and said he didnt want to be with me. I am confused. He goes to alot of effort to find out whats going on in my life through other people, so I believe there may still be a chance. Is it too late to try again?

admin

October 27, 2014 at 2:47 pm

The court case is over your child?

sherese

September 15, 2014 at 9:28 pm

I really need some advice im 23 yrs old and almost 7 months pregnant me and my boyfriend broke up 2 weeks ago and its been tough we have had minimal contact until what would of been our anniversary so i sent him a text message and he called me to wish me happy anniversary so i felt a little happy because it seemed he was thinking of me too a couple of days later i text him and he sent me texts like its over i made my decision apparently i did unforgivable things in the past which one guy was a mate was trying to break us up but i didnt really notice because he was dating someone else and claimed he was happy it took alot but we got through it i no longer speak to that person because he is not a friend if he is trying to break up my relationship then recently a school friend txt me saying he wishes i was having his baby and not my ex boyfriend my ex read the message and got really upset i assured him i did not lead this guy on and told him not to worry he then asked me not to speak to this guy anymore but i got frustrated because i have already stopped talking to 3 people because they kept making inappropiate comments towards me and i love my boyfriend so i made the decision but it seems that recent message really broke our relationship problem is my boyfriend has been dealing with severe depression for the last 5 months and i have been very supportive towards him and made sure he knows he is alone and i will stand by him no matter what the part that confuses me is a few days before we broke up he said to me he cant wait to have a family and he is glad that i am the mother of his child that he loves me very much and he is going to be there for me no matter what and hopefully we will all be able to live togetther again when he is finacially stable again my question is do i lose faith and give up on him or just give him some time to sort himself and hopefully reach out to him later because i reallly love him and i just want my family together

admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:20 pm

Have you read my pregnancy article today?

Lorraine

September 7, 2014 at 3:59 am

Hi there.

I like your unique perspective, and would love to hear suggestions for my situation. I conceived my child unintentionally with a kind, yet less mature man, during a one night stand. It was a lovely experience, and I found it warm and healing.

At first, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be involved. He felt inadequate, and even felt incapable of successful relationship. I told him it was okay for him to choose, but that if he got involve, he needed to stay onvolved. When my son was 18 months, his father and whole family met my son. Tjat was because his mother found out, and informed him she expected him to get involved. That was 2 1/2 years ago.

It has mostly gone well. I invite them for birthdays and Christmases, andc sometimes they have flown us to visit them. Sometimes we argued, but we have moved past issues with direct, vulnerable communication.

In April, things changed dramatically. He flew my son and me to Montana to visgut his dad’s ranch. During the visit, he put his arms aroundx me to show me how to fish and shoot target. He stayed up, after my son went to bed, and talked to me in depth. Told me his dark secrets, how he sees life, even spiritual thoughts. I realized I would like to bef with him. They took care pf me amd my son, and he treated me like a Queen, but no intimacy was initiated.

Next, we were invited to drive to his aunt’s for 4th pf July. There, we coparented very well, and I felt proud to be with him, acnd helped him get closer to our son. I felt him watching me with his family. It went so well. Pne evening we sat close togetherx talking and laughing. I leaned my arm on his knee, and he did the same. Then, his cousin showed up unexpectedly. The last night together he was strutting around like a rooster! He lifted weights in front of me, kept my attention while he talked alot…ypu get thec picture. Nothing intimate happened though.

I feel frustrated, but I want to be kind and realistic. I don’t know if I should mafje a first move, since he all but asked for that the first (and only) night we were physical. He also td me he is like Walter Mitty. But, he is not good at the phone tjing, and doesn’t talk about his feelings. He also doesn’t respond to textx, often. My son calls him every night before bed and I try not tuo be too involved so they can have space.

But I am in love with him. I am a better person, and mother, since we startes getting closer. I worry that I agm coming on too strong though. He doesn’t say !nanything flirty or intimate.

Should I try the MC method? Should I back off, and stop telling him I appreciate him? He is hard to read.

Thank you for taking time to address my passionate heart! I simply MUST try to be with this good man!

admin

September 15, 2014 at 3:12 pm

When you say less mature do you mean young?
Lorraine

September 22, 2014 at 2:59 am

Yes. He is 8 years younger. But he also less experienced, and his mother refers to him as immature in relationships.
Lorraine

October 6, 2014 at 8:05 pm

I am now two weeks into the Minimal Contact method. I am pleased he has continued the nightly calls with my 4yo son, with a couple calls a week. I have had my son call him about the same amount. I worried about this, because I had to insigate this, and other contact between them. He says he is no good at these things, but I digress.

A few nights ago, I heard him asking my son about me, which is out of character for him. He has heard no word from me. I think your method has also helped my confidence. I didn’t think I would be okay without him. I didn’t know I had been clingy, either. Thanks! Advice?
admin

October 7, 2014 at 1:43 pm

Keep on keeping on. Seems like you are getting confidence and he is probably going to wonder about you.

J

September 7, 2014 at 12:45 am

Chris,
My partner of five years and father of my child just left a couple of weeks ago. I’m devastated. He admitted to “talking” to this girl at work for a month prior and says he has “feelings” for her. He has already claimed she is the “one” and has sent flowers to her at work. She is gushing (she is significantly younger by 13 years) on FB, dedicating songs, etc. He says he really likes her and wants it to work. The reason I am confused? He says he can’t see me because he can’t keep his hands to himself and that he still loves me, but isn’t “in love” with me. The other night, I was cooking and asked if he wanted to stay but he said no because if he did, He would want to stay. If He doesn’t have feelings for me, WHY is he being so confusing? Is his New “relationship” a rebound? Where do I go from here? I initially behaved like a crazy person, but have chilled out after the shock wore off. She’s already trying to cause problems between US, but we can’t stop talking because we have a five year old.

J

September 7, 2014 at 4:34 am

I would like to say I guess we’ve been together longer, lol. We ere together a year and a half before OUR son was born, SO I guess it’s been 6 1/2. Time flies.

Jenn

September 3, 2014 at 4:55 pm

I need a little of advise.
So, my ex and I were together for three years and we got pregnant (I was only 16). Things were great, scary because of the baby on the way but great. A lot of things happen while I was pregnant. Had to move out of my moms, rented a room with my partner. Moved back with my mom because that place was hell. I moved back out with him into a single and were so happy and in love. We had bad communication most of all and Also he left to Texas for a job, was suppose to go for a cuple of months but didn’t work out so came back after two weeks. Worst part was he forced me to move into his moms to “save up more”. That was a bad idea! Baby came and he was only working more not helping out and our fightes became intense. There was a point when hands were put on eachother and I decided to leave on bad turns with my child. I was so heart broken because I didn’t know who that person was. I lost the love of my life my son is almost two know and we have been talking for a while. Of course never stopped talking because of out child and having to go with one another. Now were at a point where we might be working things out but I’m freaking out. He has his mind set and after the break up he never stopped trying to get his family back. The worst is throughout this time I had only kept the bad in me not the good of us. Would it be a bad or a good thing to get back?

admin

September 4, 2014 at 11:59 am

If he was abusive to you physically then I don’t think its the best idea to get him back.

Mariah

August 15, 2014 at 3:45 am

Hi there.. so me and my ex fiance have a 1 year old son together… he left a few weeks ago and moved back out to Iowa to live with his family, leaving me and our son in Colorado. I got pregnant with our son at 17, only a few months into our relationship, and I am now 18 (19 in December)and he will be 20 in January, so we are young. We lived out here with my parents for the last year… the relationship started out great, but little things he did started making me resentful.. he wasnt on top of things the way a man/father should be.. even something as small as taking his shoes off at the door, or throwing clothes on our floor every day, after being asked EVERY DAY for a year not to, he couldn’t do. I started over-reacting to small things like that because it became so consistent even though I asked repeatedly for those things to stop. He didn’t even know his own work schedule half the time, he never knew when our son needed a bath, or needed to go to a doctors appointment, etc. He is obsessed with video games and i would come home from work and nothing would have gotten done the whole time because he was on the computer gaming… I started acting like his mother.. yelling at him, bossing him around, and I think he started doing things like that just to get my goat… Our intimacy had almost disappeared, he was always “too tired” to do anything because he worked early morning shifts and was tired by that night (though he had no issue staying up late gaming, but once he laid down he was “so exhausted”) Not that I blame him… I wouldn’t want to sleep with someone who treated me like they were my mother… So he got tired of dealing with it and decided to leave. He says he doesn’t love me anymore, and all he is concerned about now is making sure he gets to see our son. So we have a court date set for custody next month. So far I’ve been an idiot.. bawling and begging and looking disgustingly desperate… It kills me not having him here, not gong to sleep next to him, or waking up to him… not being able to say “I Love You” anymore when we get off the phone. He’s made it very clear he isn’t changing his mind.. Please tell me what to do, I just want to try to fix things and give our son the best shot at having 2 parents that are together and happy. I still love him so much.

admin

August 15, 2014 at 2:53 pm

I have a feeling the commitment and realization that his life is going to massively change freaked him out.

Quatica

August 12, 2014 at 3:04 am

So my boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. (I’m due anyday now with our child by the way) At the time our relationship was very very unhealthy. My attitude was beyond terrible to be completely honest. But, my hormones were going crazy so I wasn’t being mean on purpose. Anyway at that point he couldn’t take it anymore. Since then we stopped living together. He goee to appointments with me and we’ve talked about getting back together here and there. The problem I have is that when we’re together in person he acts the man I need him to be. But if we aren’t together face to face, I feel like all the talk about having and being a family is out of the window. Also, hes said that he’s scared that if we try to make this work, we’re going to have the same problems again. And that when the baby gets here it could either be great or terrible. I don’t know what else to say to him or what else to do to make this work. What should I do?

admin

August 12, 2014 at 12:25 pm

I wrote something for pregnant women.

deidre

August 8, 2014 at 4:36 pm

for the last year and a half we have been on and off, just recently i got pregnant with my boyfriend (24weeks), all while he had been cheating on me. the cheating started after we took a break a year before and i met someone new. for the first two months of pregnancy he was there and now ever since may he has been lying and ignoring me, partying and meeting girls. it has been hard during the pregnancy. i have gotten into arguments with his family and him. so right now we are in a really bad place. i do want to work things out and forget the past and give it a try again, especially now with the baby. i do have to admit that i have been the caller/texter and haven’t made the smartest choices with my reactions out of anger and hurt. it has been driving me up the walls ! I want to show him things wont be the same. would this advice still work me/us or anything else?

admin

August 11, 2014 at 11:31 am

I think it would.

However, do you think you’d be able to forgive him for his infidelity?
deidre

September 6, 2014 at 3:26 pm

I have forgiven him, im not angry at him, just confused and hurt. Now hes been seen partying non stop and meeting random girls, all when he had apparently been dating this other girl. cheated on me with her, and on her with me and others. I am confused to why he would do that and yet still ignore me. If he isn’t faithful her to either, why not work things out for the child? Why waste time on her if hes not being faithful, and why not tell het the complete honest truth?

admin

July 18, 2014 at 3:14 pm

You mean crazy about his children? Not other girls he is dating.

Maryanne

August 6, 2014 at 10:52 pm

Yes I means his children ,mxx
Maryanne

August 13, 2014 at 1:25 pm

My whole name shows in comments .. Bit embarrassing as its a very uncommon one can i change it to just my first?
admin

August 14, 2014 at 10:59 am

It says just your first name…

Kat

July 16, 2014 at 2:08 am

I need some advice, so my now ex bf and I were together for three years and then I got pregnant. We were both young but completely in love with each other. After our son was born he began to flirt with other girls. A month before our son’s first birthday everything was going great, but I caught him flirting with a girl again so I got mad and we had a bad argument. He told me that he never loved me, or saw a future with me and just said it to make me happy and broke up with me. It’s been a month and he says he still cares about me and wants to be friends. I miss him so much and everyone says I should just give up and move on. Every day since has been awful because we have to exchange my son and he acts like nothing has happened and I’m doing everything I can to hold back tears. Someone please help me. I love this kid and I feel so lost without my best friend. He said that he always knew we would never last.. s.o.s.

admin

July 16, 2014 at 2:58 pm

What caused him to flirt with these women?

Was he always like that?

Rina

July 15, 2014 at 8:15 pm

Hey Chris! ^.^ so here’s the thing, I really like your articles. They are so helpful and just the best on the internet out there! 😀 with that said… there is something that REALLY concerns me about your articles ._. well, don’t take offense to this… but do you have a prejudice against overweight and obese people? >.> especially women? See… it just seems weird that you refer to all men liking skinny girls when most of the places I’ve been/ where I’m from, the most beautiful and most popular girls are girls between 150 and 230 pounds o.O so it just seems strange to me that you’d say that’s a turnoff to ALL MEN… because I’m 150 pounds and (not to sound vain) but I’m actually VERY popular among men (and women as well) and I don’t mean frumpy men because one of my ex boyfriends was a model. In fact, where I’m from I’m considered thin o.O soo… my point is not ALL MEN like slim girls… in fact, I find more men are attracted to girls with more curves (because they have wider hips which makes them perfect for child-bearing which is backed up by psychology)… just putting that out there ^.^ so to all Ladies out there… you dont have to go on a strict diet plan or even go to the gym… just getting in 60 minutes of exercise 4-5 days a week and eating healthier will help you look your best… just look the best that you can look and good luck getting your exes back! 😀

admin

July 16, 2014 at 2:54 pm

No offense taken at all.

And no I don’t have any prejudice against overweight or obese people.

It’s just that by nature men are a little vain. Most tend to judge women on looks before they get to know whats behind the looks. Thats why I am adamant about women doing their best on their appearance.

Besides, most women fell uncomfortable if they are overweight so having me tell them to get in shape also serves as a way to motivate them and ultimately help their self esteem.
Rina

July 16, 2014 at 8:10 pm

Ah I understand Thank you 🙂 You see, I feel comfortable in my skin and I’m very confident with my looks and figure, so I guess I didn’t really think about it that way. I don’t have a problem with getting guys to be attracted to me… it’s more my problem is with keeping guys, so I believe I mostly just need to work on my personality >.> like my co-dependency and trust issues that I have and my constant mood swings (I have Borderline Personality Disorder)
admin

July 18, 2014 at 3:03 pm

Hmm… do you think most guys just can’t deal with your mood swings?
Rina

July 18, 2014 at 6:46 pm

yes… I really do believe that’s what it is ^.^ because sometimes I’ll be super depressed where I’ll just want to be alone the whole day and cry in a corner, sometimes I’ll be mad to the point that I eventually suppress all my emotions and I’m apathetic toward people, and then the next minute I can be on top of the world happy…. (but then again, I only had my mood swings because Daron was emotionally abusive)
>.< plus, I have panic attacks quite often. My ex has the same disorder I do though, but I believe he also has Narcissistic Personality Disorder ^.^ soo… I think thats why we have so much fighting in our relationship. Plus, we both used meth and cocaine, and we drank 5 5ths of vodka every day but I was sick of abusing drugs so I moved out of our apartment and he was upset that I stopped and wanted him to stop too. He said I "nagged" him about quitting with the drugs 🙁 Thats the only thing I ever "nagged" him about though and it was only because I didn't want him to die! Anyway, my point is… I don't really know the exact cause of our relationship failing. All I know is that it has something to do with my personality…. :/
or maybe… it's not me its him
o.o
admin

July 21, 2014 at 3:41 pm

Well first things first.

Get clean.

Don’t use drugs for the sake of your family and kids.

Get help if you have to.

saradee

July 13, 2014 at 5:08 pm

My partner of 15 years (husband for 5) told me last month that he didnt find me attractive anymore – even though I have a 2yr old son I am very slim and athletic and take care of my appearance. I am a very confident woman and would see myself as sexy. To hear that he isnt attracted to me anymore is upsetting but possibly symptomatic of something else? I dont know. We agreed to a 1 mth break so he has moved out into an apartment and he has said he wants to sleep with other woman. I hvnt been given much option on this.. I want him to see his son as much as possible which means we have limited contact and face to face every few days. I am not texting him AT ALL but every day I get several texts from him on the pretext of asking after our son these texts usually follow on with questions from him about my new job or about the house etc. When he sees me he calls me honey and says he likes my new clothes etc. Each time I am polite but not encouraging. I am at a loss thou because he has told me he doesnt find me attractive anymore but is he just trying to keep me interested in the background while he f***s around???
I am really struggling with what to do? Part of me wants to tell its over to shock him into reality and the other part of me wants to scream at him Why!? Why dont you love me!
Any advice is appreciated 🙁

admin

July 14, 2014 at 2:47 pm

What about emotionally? Does he find you attractive emotionally as opposed to physically?
saradee

July 14, 2014 at 7:45 pm

He keeps saying I’m his best friend and he loves me but he’s not attracted to me anymore – I dont know whether thats a physical and emotional thing for him..also Up until we split we were still regularly having sex as well so I would’ve have thought if he didnt find me sexy he wouldn’t want to have sex??? So maybe it is emotional?
Anyway I’m doing the best NC I can do with a kid involved. I’m not instigating contact at all only replying politely to his texts. Also I’m not answering when he calls just letting it go to voicemail then texting in response. Doing my best:(
admin

July 15, 2014 at 3:06 pm

I tend to think its more emotional.

Did you sense anything emotionally? Like he was being more distant or something like that?

Maighen

July 2, 2014 at 7:05 pm

My ex and I were together for a year and lived together the entire time. I got pregnant 3 months into the relationship and already had a daughter from a previous relationship but she lived in texas with my mom. When I was 30 weeks pregnant we decided we were both going to move to texas to be around our son and my daughter so I moved out and he was suppose to be coming out a month later. 3 days after I moved he broke up with me and isn’t coming out. How can I keep the minimal contact rule if I could be going into labor at any time?

admin

July 3, 2014 at 1:07 am

I just wrote a post for you… literally today.

Patricia Chao

June 19, 2014 at 1:01 am

OK so my boyfriend broke up with me after an insignificant argument after everything going very well just like that from one day to another after the argument he said he can no longer take this because “he’s weak” he said he feels its also because right now he’s not where he wants to be in life, but then asked if after he got himself together he could look for me… Let me add I am pregnant by him and he know this smh… He still up and left… I made a stupid mistake of trying to contact him like 4 days later by text and call and he never replied nor call back.. I am very upset so yes I decided not to contact him because he obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me.. I want to give this NC rule a try, but honestly I don’t know if he will contact me.. I’m crushed, I have mixed emotions; sad, mad, etc… I feel like I gave my all to this guy, but I do admit that it was too quick..

admin

June 20, 2014 at 7:38 pm

Give it a try….
Patricia Chao

June 21, 2014 at 8:37 pm

His sister said she knows him and when hes done hes done, so i see no hope anymore… 🙁 I’m very mad at the fact that I’m pregnant and he didn’t even care… I’m sure he’s talking to someone that’s the only explanation I can think of…
admin

June 22, 2014 at 3:40 pm

He seems like a scumbag if he is ignoring you while you are pregnant…

Gemma

June 17, 2014 at 12:20 pm

I have been with my partner for 8 years and in this time we had a daughter together she is now 3. Our relationship has been a bit of a roller coaster with him moving in with me at 18 due to his mum not allowing him to stay there. Any way four years ago we bought our own house we weren’t always perfect he suffered depression quite badly. On march 11th 2014 my world was rocked when I found text messages to a girl we both went to school and college with. The text messages were extremely flirty with her telling him not to worry she had another boyfriend for a year! During this period I moved out yet I found pictures, more texts, and phone calls to her. Eventually I moved home and he moved out and things got nasty. I have decided to start the no contact now and I am doing it not just to get him back but to try and move forward with my life. However I have been thinking recently that getting back together would be silly and I should just be trying to move on. But how can I do this when I think about him all the time?

admin

June 17, 2014 at 9:41 pm

So, he cheated?
Gemma

August 3, 2014 at 8:56 am

Yes he cheated and things have gotten progressively worse. He is now in relationship with this other lady. Last week he turned up at my house asking to stay because he was so depressed but then the next day he said I hope you don’t think I want to get back with you and asked that I didn’t tell his girlfriend. I don’t know where to go from here I want to make things work for my daughter but don’t think he does
admin

August 4, 2014 at 2:40 pm

The woman he cheated on you with?

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