How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

Leslie

December 23, 2013 at 7:29 am

My ex and I were together for 8yrs and have a 5yr old daughter and a son on the way, I am eight months pregnant. A month ago my ex broke up with me via text, it said that the love for me was long gone and that he loved me and admired me as a person but the only communication he wanted was to be about our kids. I tried the begging the imploring, basically every thing that I thought I needed to do to get him to reflect. He broke my heart tremendously, for the first two weeks our life was a roller coaster, he stayed in the spare room and some days he would come home and hug me me and other days he would completely ignore me and be cruel to me. I never saw any signs or warnings, our life was normal so I thought. After two weeks I couldn’t take it any more, I felt as if I was gonna have an emotional breakdown so I asked him to leave. He moved out but basically came over every day to see his daughter, some days he was nice and some he wasn’t. I gave up after 3weeks and left that house and moved away to be with my parents in another state. I just couldn’t stand being pregnant and basically alone:( I needed the emotional support.

I been doing the limited contact for about a week now but I am extremely confused. I don’t know if he’s coming around or not and sometimes I feel like giving up. he’s constantly sending pictures of himself for his daughter and songs for his daughter but the songs are usually talking about how sad he is and lonely (home, by Michael Bubble) is one example. He has asked me for time to fix himself but I don’t know what that means. he says he never wants to say never but he also doesn’t want to give me hope. I don’t know if I should stop trying already?? do you think there’s a chance.

admin

December 23, 2013 at 8:23 pm

I don’t think you should throw in the towel just yet. Sometimes this will take time.
Leslie

December 23, 2013 at 10:15 pm

Thank you:)
Leslie

January 10, 2014 at 6:00 am

on the 1st of January he texted me at 130am and said happy new year, then a few mins later he texted a sad face, I didn’t reply. at 9am he texted me happy New year again and that his night had been horrible without us and that he missed too much. I ignored his messages and later that day he called me after I had been on mc for a few weeks and he told me he wants to move to be with us and that he’s just going through a lot, I was happy and told him that was great. Since that day he calls me everyday after work and usually texts me through the day toi see how the kids and I are doing. The only problem is, when he calls I don’t know what ti talk about other than kids because I am afraid to say the wrong thing, I have a lot of hard feelings against him for what he did but I do love him and I am happy he came to his senses. Sometimes I do text him and tell him I miss and love him but he won’t reply. He’s been applying for jobs where I live because he sends me the emails and the the sweetest thing he’s told me since the first is not to stress because we will be together soon. Why doesn’t he reply to my messages about me missing him and loving him, and he won’t tell me either. he’s texted me a couple of times saying I miss you all si much, but it’s never about me and him. should I stop texting him I love and miss him? I am more list than ever. He’s also coming ti the birth of our child next month and I don’t know how am supposed to act.

abby

December 18, 2013 at 4:25 pm

Hi Chris! After getting my ex back I had been following this sight all the time *i love reading it* although my ex left me again he said I fight with him all the time! I have started MC again and wondered if it would work again! I know I messed up bad and he has every right to be angry with me I honestly just want to better myself! I’m just devastated cause it wouldve been our first xmas together as a family and now my baby girl is not going to have her family together, I know I really messed up and I just want to make things right and I think I might be pregnant again! Please help Chris!!! Is there hope?
Beth

December 18, 2013 at 1:45 pm

I’m not sure what situation I am in: been with boyfriend for 6 years and we live together, but 3 weeks ago (day before Thanksgiving), I unleashed on him from pent up frustration/disappointment and gave him ultimatum. He responded that he needed time “to think,” so he’s staying with his mother, but he said we were were not broken up and he’ll be back in a week.

We do not have a human child together, but we are parents to a 7 month old puppy (which to me is my child). The one week has now turned into 3 weeks. He pretty much text me every day and even set dates/times that he wanted to see me…but when those dates/time comes, he would give me an excuse to why he bailed or has to postpone (all the time it was his mom wants him for something). My reactions to him bailing on me were not positive.

Finally got to have a real conversation about “us” this Monday at lunch. Basically, he said he feels great being away and doesn’t have to account to anyone about where he is going or who he’s with because he’s not a child. He said he doesn’t want to break up, but needs more time. That he is enjoying being with his friends. I asked him “So you want me to wait to see if you want to be with me or not?” He said “yes, I just need more time, but I understand if you want to break up with me so you can find another man.”

I took the house key back from him (but all of his stuff is still here) and told him I would need time now to think if I agree with his terms. 3 hours later, he texts me “This is so much fun” with a pic of a Rubik’s cube. I never replied/text and he hasn’t so far either. So here we are today.

My questions are: 1) since we didn’t officially break up, do I break up to make him an ex and then initiate the MC phase, or is he just needing a lot of space (“caving or rubber banding” from Mars/Venus expert)? 2) Will MC/NC work if we are still a couple? And 3) When he texts for me to send a pic of puppy, can I ignore those requests or do I have to reply because it involves our “child?”

This is the first time in 6 years that he has asked for “time to think” and has actually been away from me to work on relationship. I think NC would be the most effective, but I don’t want him to think negative of me if I keep the puppy hostage.
sam

December 11, 2013 at 4:44 pm

Me and my sons father were together two years , have a six month old and hes raised my two year old as his sinse he was 2 months old, wev been having problems for three months and iv been nasty i can admit that, and he worked so hard and i kicked him out two weeks ago and i tried to get himto work thins out but hafter two weeks he said it isnt working he doesnt love me the same packed his things and left sayss hes done and wont even consider the future, he is also is already seeing someone else he started talking to in the two weeks, he says he has feelings for her. He says he wants to be friends and is happy we can move on! Its been five days! And i hear from him everyday cuz my two year old cries to talk to him and he sees them every other day. Is there hope?

admin

December 12, 2013 at 1:53 am

Have you started limited contact?
sam

December 17, 2013 at 5:52 pm

I tried, sinse its so close to christmas theres a bunch of stuff to talk about and he texts me everyday asking how they are so i feel like i have to answer. I left town for five days to get some space, and he texted everyday asking how they are and called every night to say goodnight to the oldest. He came over the night we got home to see them , and he kept being flirty and joking but then being like i just dont feel the same about u and apologizing. Then when my sons were asleep he stayed till 3am, and we slept together basically said it was a huge mistake we talked he left. Then he slept over on the floor the next night on the floor cuz both babies are sick, but he was distant and rude and texting her at my house! Then in the morning he took the boys to his moms, and i went over in the evening to set up the boys bedroom there and he was joking around like im a casual friend! A couple times i cried and said this isnt what i want for the boys and he just says im sorry nothings changing but when their visiting u can come over whenever 🙁 i dont understand six weeks ago i never wouldv pictured us breaking up! And today he was rude so i just stopped texting, he just texted me a few minutes ago asking how the baby is as their still sick.
sam

December 18, 2013 at 3:39 am

He also contacts me 2-4 times a day, always about our sons, and when he has them he sends me texts and has my son calling to say hi, thats all he contacts me about but its so frequent and he sees them every other day. But he always says see this is why i cant talk to u , wen i mention him bringing his new girl around the boys.
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:39 pm

It’s an unfortunate situation.

Maybe you actually should go full NC on him and just talk to him when he has a question about your sons.
sam

December 19, 2013 at 1:59 pm

I tried that 🙁 it lasts a day and he just asks me bout the boys 2 or 3 times. And if he has them he sends me pics of them or has the oldest calling 🙁 and today at 6am i sent him some really stupid texts ranting about how sleep deprived i am and unfair that he leaves to be happy and has left me to do it all 🙁 and now i feel stupid i was just exhausted..
sam

December 17, 2013 at 8:25 pm

Is there hope? What should i do?
admin

December 18, 2013 at 6:24 pm

I think there is hope but it’s not even about that really. It’s all about if YOU want him back and if you think its worth it in the end.

Baby girl

December 9, 2013 at 9:24 pm

How do you mc when he has to come to your house to see his child bcos she’s sick. I tried going out to buy grocery but how long can you spend there? I also tried keeping busy in another room but time goes by so slowly. If I do go out he’s suspicious and shows that he’s thinking I’m meeting someone,, I don’t want him thinking that bcos in his books that would be no more hope.

admin

December 10, 2013 at 6:46 pm

You just try not to make things weird when you see him. Think of being all class.
Baby girl

December 9, 2013 at 9:29 pm

Btw broke up three days ago and I’m not txt or caling 24hrs now. Or even answering his calls if he wants to see her he knows where the door is…I’ve applied these methods before in other break ups and they always worked manly becos I would go out with my friends and party . But now I have an 8 month old how do I keep my mind of him when all I hear is dada dada all day long

KS

December 7, 2013 at 4:49 am

Me and my boyfriend have been together for two years and we have lived together for about a year and we have a beautiful one year old daughter and we fought over the stupidest things. Mainly me wanting to be attached to his hip. But he left me and moved out three months ago. And he comes to get our daughter and sometimes while she’s asleep he will lay on the couch and watch tv. He tells me he doesn’t wanna get back together because he says it’s just gonna be like last time and he doesn’t wanna go through it again. We had been still I guess you could say hooking up but then it stopped because I found out his ex girlfriend was texting him but I know it’s nothing he was just wanting someone to talk to but I know he still loves me and he’s still attracted to me and I can also tell by the way he tells me about his job and things we would talk about when we were together and he still makes a point to tell me and he told me he didn’t know if he wanted anyone else that we haven’t been broke up long enough for him to tell. But he’s not seeing anyone. And it really hurts because I have never felt this way about anyone in my life and he has told me that he has never loved anyone as much as he loves me… And I need help to get him back.

admin

December 7, 2013 at 8:05 pm

Are you willing to do a limited contact?
KS

December 7, 2013 at 8:48 pm

I am willing to do anything. You just tell me how to do it.
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm

I wish I could give you the advice you need but I don’t have enough room in a simple comment.
KS

December 8, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Ok so tell me what I need to do I have started the MC I only text him about our daughter when he comes over I’m short and sweet to him and I act like the break up doesn’t affect me
admin

December 9, 2013 at 6:49 pm

Well have you completed the 30 day MC yet?
KS

December 10, 2013 at 7:34 am

I haven’t.. I actually just started it two days ago I only text him back or talk to him if it’s about our daughter.
KS

January 16, 2014 at 8:20 pm

I have completed the MC.. I have not ha any contact with him unless about my daughter. And that’s often that he asks about her. When he texts me and says he’s going to be picking her up I said ok and sometimes I never even text back. An now I am currently seeing someone not dating just hanging out and he knows but he says he doesn’t care that I am. But when he’s over he asks me if I have seen my boyfriend lately. And he has even text me asking that and I said if it’s not about our daughter I don’t wanna hear it. He shows signs of jealousy but doesn’t act upon it like he hasn’t done anything about it. And I feel like I’m never going to have him back.
KS

December 7, 2013 at 8:51 pm

He knows that I don’t go out and do anything because I’m always with my daughter and he knows I sit at home and I am doing nothing but waiting on him.
admin

December 8, 2013 at 6:38 pm

There is your first problem. You are too available for him.

Sarah

November 29, 2013 at 1:15 pm

Hi can you please help me? My ex boyfriend broke up with me last month. We have a 2 year old son together. 3 days after we broke up he told me he missed me and he wanted us to take things a day at a time before we rushed back into a relationship. We do get along if we talk generally. We were having days out as a family (for our son’s sake) but now he wont even do that anymore as he says im pushing things if we do things as a family. I know he is not with anyone else. He doesnt text me or facebook me but every now and again he will send me a message asking me to ring him. When i do ring him its usually about our son or him saying he will drive me somewhere as i dont have a car. I dont know what to do. He is the love of my life, we were together for 4 years. I want to know how he feels about me and i want him back for good

admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:34 am

Have you implemented limited contact yet?
Sarah

November 30, 2013 at 7:38 pm

Iv tried it but one of us usually gets in contact with regards to our son
Sarah

November 29, 2013 at 7:05 pm

this evening he also sent me a call me message after no contact since yesterday. I rang him to see what he wanted and he told me that he got laid off from his job and wouldn’t have the money to get the christmas present for our son which we agreed on. Do we have any chance of getting back together? I did that begging/needy thing when we first broke up but have since stopped

Jessica

November 28, 2013 at 2:55 am

hello, okay I know this may seem crazy, but I don’t know what to do.. im 18, and pregnant. my baby’s father is the absolute love of my life. I can’t even let anyone else touch me.litterly,. but he lives 600 miles away from me. and we broke up because the distance. he doesn’t say that but I know that’s why. he said it’s cause I was a b***** , I was only grumpy because I was newly pregnant, and throwing up all day long, and didn’t feel good at all. I said sorry , but he says he just don’t want me anymore. he is one of thoes guys that out if sight outta mind, and he does.t see me ever, so he doesn’t remember how amazing we are together.I talk to him about our daughter, but I here lately I’ve gotten to the point that I just want to have my family together. he always told me that he never understood how he got me, he said I was way out of his leauge, but now I’m pregnant and fat ,:( , even tho I’m 6 months and only gained 3 lbs, but all my weight I didn’t know I had shifted and I got the belly, lol I don’t know if the mc rule would work with this situation.. I’m willing to do anything … please help 🙁

admin

November 28, 2013 at 5:53 am

I think it should work in some way.
Jessica

November 28, 2013 at 11:43 pm

ok, well I’ll try it ! he will be home on the 22 and he wants to go to my dr appointment with me, think that might be long enough ?
admin

November 29, 2013 at 2:16 am

I think so.

Sandra

November 17, 2013 at 1:28 am

Few months ago I separated from my husband because I found out that he was cheating on me emotionally. We have three children together and had been together for seven years. Shortly after we broke up I found out that he had started a relationship with the women he was cheating on me with.

Since then I have been doing the MC and it seems to be working, I can feel it in the way he looks at me that he desires me, he phones me a lot and he keeps touching me “accidentally” whenever he has the chance. If I have understood everything that you have written here on this web site the next step for me would be to show him some interest now?

But the thing is that I don’t feel comfortable doing that while he is dating this other women. So what should I do? Should I respond to his touching in a positive way, should I pretend I don’t notice it (if been doing that so far) or should I tell him to stop touching me in this way?

I want him back but I am not sure if it is fair that I will fight for him to want me back when I also know that he/us would need a couples therapy to have chance for us to work. I mean he cheated on me and I don’t feel like I will be able to trust him again of we get back together if he don’t seek some professional help, because I believe that the reason for him cheating on me is that instead of talking to me about the problems we were having he thought he would find the happiness with someone else instead of searching within himself. I do believe that he is now starting to see that he his not going to be more happy with the other women, that he is starting to realize the grass is not greener on the other side.

Any ideas on what to do for me?

admin

November 17, 2013 at 8:06 pm

Cheating on you emotionally? How is that possible? I am just curious.

How long have you been in MC for?
Sandra

November 18, 2013 at 1:22 am

I guess my biggest question is if I should really start to try to get him back while he is still dating that other women or should I wait until he breaks up with her?(if he will).
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:29 pm

Wait till he breaks up with her but use his feelings for you to speed up the process of him breaking up with her.
Sandra

November 21, 2013 at 10:48 pm

one more thing…how can I use his feelings for me to speed up the process, maybe with showing him interest one day and not the next one? Eventhough I am starting to feel he is still interested in me i am pretty sure that he will not break up with this girl for at least few more months (long story why im so sure of that) so should i maybe keep up with the mc if it is going to be some months before he breaks up with her?
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Well, this isn’t really a process you want to speed up. You need to go at the pace thats most comfortable for both of you…
Sandra

November 30, 2013 at 12:03 am

Oops..I forgot to delete the history in my computer and my ex did see that I have been looking at web sites like this…he didn’t say anything but acted distant or shy, you think i have ruined my chances of getting him back? 🙂
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:58 am

Yes it may hurt a little bit but still I think you can try the tactics and they will still work…
Sandra

November 30, 2013 at 12:06 am

but now he is talking a lot about his new girlfriend with me, i just smile and try to be polite but wow that is difficult! She did behave like a total bitch to me when he wasn’t around which makes it even more difficult.
admin

November 30, 2013 at 4:58 am

Ya I hear you. That must be so difficult. Just be all class Sandra. Don’t worry.. you are approaching it the right way. I am proud of you.
Sandra

November 18, 2013 at 11:56 pm

Thank you for your advice 🙂
Sandra

November 17, 2013 at 10:10 pm

By emotionally I mean that this girl was flirting on him and he was responding to it in the same way. I would say that I have been doing the mc for about two months now, I have been doing it for so long because of our situation we have had to have a lot of contact but I’ve tried to keep it at the mininum.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 6:03 pm

Yes you are doing the right thing.

Luscious

November 14, 2013 at 10:32 pm

My ex is very Narcissistic. We were together for about a year and had a 6 month old son at the time. I was also 3 months pregnant with our daughter.
When we broke up this past time, I initiated it because I knew he was going to cheat on me and I already told him that if he ever does, I would rather we broke up.
We got into an argument, he denied any wrong doing, and I was not buying it. I kicked him out of the house. He chased me around the house and pushed me. The police came and I had him arrested for assault, and I told him that I did not love him anymore and asked the police to take him out of my face.
2 weeks later he used every excuse, to have the police come to my house asking for his things. I never looked at him or acknowledged him. I gave them everything of his to be done with it.
I moved out of the house a month later and left no trace of where I was.
The judge implemented NC for a year, but I immediately went NC as soon as he got arrested. I react to him and any thought of him I hold with disgust. He is a high functioning alcoholic with very Narcissistic traits.
I have been NC with him for 8 months straight, I have moved on with my life and started a new life on my own as a single parent. I am quite happy with where I am at, I had given birth to my daughter 3 months ago…and am working very hard in getting into shape.
I have to say that a lot of the things I read here are things I have instinctively done without thought but out of anger? lol….
I wanted to punish him for trying to take me for a fool! So far he has kept contact with my family in trying to track me down, he also had other people call me to ask for visitation with his son.
About a month ago something happened with his family trying to manipulate me to take my son away using the fact that my ex and I had NC to lie that he said this and telling him that I said “such and such”…
Anyways, it broke our NC because our son’s future was on the line…and he came to see me, knowing that he could get in trouble if I called the police on him.
I didn’t give him much attention, but spent the better part telling him how much I couldn’t stand the lying and how it obviously runs in his family.
A week later he called me about 7 times in one night and somehow used our son to come and see me.
He took me out to eat and I could tell he had been drinking. We didn’t take our son with us, but I was not too happy about any of this.
I know it’s probably the worst thing to do, but we ended up sleeping together, and then he got up the next morning and left for work.
I immediately went back to NC and was disgusted with myself for always falling for his antics since I am so weak when it comes to physical interaction with him!
3 days later he called me and I ignored it. 2 days later he text me to tell me he needed to drop off some money for the kids on the weekend. I responded, “OK” and that was it.
The day came for him to meet up with me, I made myself unavailable. He called me 4 times at 2am and I was not home….3 days later he called me to make plans…
I keep ignoring him and treating him worst than before. I really want to move on, but he is the only guy I have ever loved. I also know he has a personality disorder, and he self medicates with alcohol. As a woman I have tried everything to help him but have already learned I cannot fix him…He needs to want it himself.
Honestly he has gone with 3 women in a row within a 9 month period. They never last and he always comes back to me as if he is single. I always find out later and that is the reason I am so mean to him.
Please help me…since I do not know what I should do anymore?
At the moment I am busy working on myself…I am like you in that I cannot bear to be chubby just because I had a baby. Truth be told, I have 11 children and only 2 with him. I met him slim with 9 children….so now I am more determined than ever to lose this weight and then make him pay for everything he ever made me feel.

admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:54 pm

Firstly ELEVEN children?

Oh my god..

That is a lot of kids running around. God bless your soul!

Hey, you have the right attitude. Make your success your revenge!
Luscious

November 16, 2013 at 7:07 am

Thank you for making things more clear.
Yes, 11… I have 2 sets of multiples 😉 Triplets and twins.
I was questioning myself but after reading your guide into the male mind I was pretty shocked.
It is actually the opposite of what I was thinking.
Do you think its different for a man with NPD? Do you really think its possible that he really does miss me? I never believe anything he says because he is a manipulator.
Do the same rules apply?
admin

November 16, 2013 at 10:02 pm

Its really hard to say you know. But I still think its possible.

Colleen

November 14, 2013 at 10:21 pm

I broke up with him after 5 years living together in a great relationship. He cheated on me with a coworker. Never got closure as he decided to keep in contact and I obliged. We kept seeing each other over 8 months. She fell pregnant a month into their relationship, I just found out I’m expecting. Not sure how to handle this one.

admin

November 15, 2013 at 5:50 pm

I am so sorry he cheated on you :(. Some guys are just total jerks and he seems to be one.

So, you are pregnant and the coworker is pregnant?
Colleen

November 15, 2013 at 6:03 pm

He quit working for that company. She is still there.
Colleen

November 16, 2013 at 10:21 pm

I have more history and depth to our relationship. She was in a 6 year relationship and cheated on him with my ex. Seemed like a rebound relationship for both and then she found out she was pregnant. NC for 4 days and it’s extremely hard. He hasn’t really made any effort to contact me anyways. But then again his first is due in a couple weeks so I’m sure he had a lot on his mind.
admin

November 17, 2013 at 7:15 pm

Why did you cheat on him?
Colleen

November 17, 2013 at 9:16 pm

I didn’t cheat, the current gf cheated on her ex with my ex.
admin

November 18, 2013 at 5:49 pm

Well then that is going to be in the back of his mind when he is with her… “will she does this again but this time to me?”
Colleen

November 19, 2013 at 1:02 am

Ive gone NC for a few days aside from asking for the phone bill payment which we are still on together. He had yet to say anything to me.
admin

November 19, 2013 at 6:35 pm

Yes that is bad. You are entitled to that money.
Colleen

November 15, 2013 at 6:01 pm

Yes.

krystal

November 12, 2013 at 7:41 pm

I is it too late to start the no contact period after almost 3 months even though hes moved on

admin

November 13, 2013 at 6:32 pm

Nope not at all.

Lindsay

November 8, 2013 at 10:50 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a month ago but I let him continue to live with me until last weekend. I have now started the MC rule since he’s moved out (although his belongs are still here at the moment). We have a daughter together and he wants to be involved in her life, so NC is out of the question. I’ve been trying to only respond to texts/calls regarding our daughter but I have to see him on pretty regular basis. What do I do if he asks why I’m ignoring him some of the time?

admin

November 10, 2013 at 12:21 am

Yup the LC or MC is the ideal way to go here.

Do nothing if he asks. You are a single woman you don’t have to anser him all the time.
Lindsay

November 11, 2013 at 8:29 pm

He did pick up on the fact that I was ignoring many of his texts and basically said are you not responding to my texts anymore? I ignored that and answered the question about watching out daughter instead. But what if he were to ask me face to face? Also, I’m doing well with the MC so far but I wonder sometimes if it is just making him mad rather than making him miss me. He’s tried to have friendly conversations with me and I’ve basically not engaged in the convo as much as I can. Is it sometimes better just to act like a friend rather than do MC? I struggle with this daily.
admin

November 12, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Just tell him face to face “Look, I needed some time alone. I just needed a break.”
Lindsay

November 13, 2013 at 4:23 am

Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately MC went out the window today.. I had an overwhelming situation happen with our daughter this morning and then before I knew it, found myself sending him a text begging him to stay. I know I need to be stronger than this! So disappointed in myself. If he’s telling me he doesn’t love me anymore and he hasn’t wanted to be in this relationship for years (we’ve been together 5.5), is there any hope to get him back? Or should I just give up now?
admin

November 13, 2013 at 7:45 pm

hahaha oh that lovely MC. Another one bites the dust.

Its ok though. Don’t feel bad just keep trying.

TBH I am not sure. Do you feel like your situation is hopeless?
Lindsay

November 14, 2013 at 4:18 am

Sometimes I feel like its hopeless but then he’ll do something that makes me believe he’s not as over this relationship as he’s making out. For example, I start the MC and almost immediately see an increase in texts from him. Then, long story, he knows my mom is at home watching our daughter one night and I get a text a few hours later saying “Why is your mom watching Claire tonight? Jw” To me, if he’s so over me then why does he even care what I’m doing. I don’t know; one day he’s cold and distant.. the next day he’s trying to start up friendly conversations with me and tell me what’s going on in his life. It’s all very confusing.
admin

November 14, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Hmm maybe you should take a break from him for a while. Just to clear your own head.

Marie

October 20, 2013 at 9:11 pm

Ok-here it goes. Me and my ex broke up a month ago. He’s 7 years younger than me and his mom is his real gf. She called me about something we should’ve handled ourselves and I went ballistic on him. Anyways we lived together and have a 19month old daughter. At first we slept around and then I said I didn’t want to be sexual if we can’t work on us. Things got too stressful (for me) with him there so eventually (after some hard work) I got him to move out. Guess where he went? MOMS HOUSE! I saw some stuff I didn’t like on IG and I snatched my daughter up from their home and that put the angry cherry on top for him-bc I hurt his mom as well. He said he didn’t wanna talk to me unless it had to do with our daughter, the apt, or bills. At first I couldn’t deal with it. I respected him but pressed the issue-asked him right off the bat if we had a chance in the future. He said idk. I then started the MC. A few days went by and he text me videos of our daughter. We made small talk about her and how she’s growing. Then it stopped-back to MC. He picks her up and he gives me my $ order and there gone. Last weekend I was dressed nice and drove off before he did. Eye contact is minimal b/n us. We were together off and on 3 years-this is our 5th breakup. We broke up Sep 4th, slept together last Sep 13th and he moved Sep 29. He’s never cheated and he told me repeatedly that he is not seeing anyone and that no girl is the problem-I’m the problem! Is there any hope, Chris? Sigh your name just made this post even more sadder! And to add he is a great dad and has no problem supporting his daughter. In the short time of our breakup I have lost weight (talk n slim just toned baby fat-don’t ask me how I did this fast, but everyone is noticing). Thanks for reading!

admin

October 22, 2013 at 12:53 am

So, you really haven’t been able to complete the full MC have you?
Marie

October 22, 2013 at 2:38 am

The longest we’ve ever gone without texting is 2-3 days. I was going ahead with MC and then he texted videos of our daughter to me. I said thank you, to be polite. He continued the convo. Small chat turned into him asking for her pediatrician’s number, and then it was over. We’ve had some financial kinks that we discussed but finally things have been quiet-since Friday. To be honest, Chris I think he’s doing the MC on me-bc he’s noticing a change in me. Our roles would often reverse in the course of our relationship and he just might be going tit for tat. I feel that he replaced me with his mom and he knows he would look like a fool if he came back to me-idk.
admin

October 22, 2013 at 10:32 pm

How has he replaced you with his mom? I mean, that is just plain weird.
Marie

October 23, 2013 at 1:44 am

He hasn’t literally replaced me with his mom-he’s a mommas boy. He goes to her when in need of help and for advice. She knows all of our business. At first he wouldn’t move out because his name is on the lease, and we went back n forth about it. Until one day I called his mom and asked her to talk to him-he moved out that day! He text me today bc we have “2 holidays coming up” and he wants his daughter for the 2nd half of Christmas. I just texted him back an hour later “ok.” He responded right away saying how much he thanks me for my cooperation and that it’s much appreciated. I left no response.
admin

October 23, 2013 at 8:36 pm

I was sick yesterday so forgive me for being confused. Definitely not at my best.

Still though, I don’t talk to my mom THAT much about my relationships. That is kind of unhealthy and weird to me.

Mandy

October 16, 2013 at 10:48 pm

Hi I was together with my ex for 16 years and we have 2 children he walked out 17 weeks ago saying every thing from he has no life feels trapped he loves me but not in love with me but he never showed that but said he has felt like that for the last 5 years but again never showed that and he has been told he can do better by his new younger friend at work iv since found out that he has been seeing a younger girl and they have already been away 2gether but he still try’s to says nothing has happend and he dose not know if there is anything to tell but all the time saying I feel it over for now but who knows what’s in the fucher I feel like such an a wally just wishing him to come home but thinking is it a crisis he is normally 1 of the good guys but really not recagnising him at the moment I have started ur mc roule and re doing house revamping self and being strong 4 the kids which the oldest has just been diagnosed with ADHD and a social disorder but still thinking at some point he will wake up and relise what he is doing the kids were his world now he dose not seem 2 even care dose it sound like an early midlife crisis or deprestion i still really dont belive he would have cheated but seeing a girl 5 weeks after leaveing whats that all about and even after that me and the kids just want him home and no we don’t need him doing fine without but we do love him please help

admin

October 17, 2013 at 5:50 pm

16 years. Were you married?

I mean 16 years is a very long time!
Mandy

October 17, 2013 at 9:12 pm

No not married it was not impotent we were both happy as we were and lets face it when ur been 2gether that long with kids u think ur safe and and loved we first met at 15 started talking had a kiss as u do at that age then he ran a mile I went off to collage we re met on a night out clubbing at 18 with him saying 2 his friend I should never of let this 1 go met the next day and again very corshus said take things slow see where we went from there and it did take time but we have been 2gether ever since we have a nine year old and a 4 year old which is why I’m so confused by the 5 year comment I’m sure everything that is being thown at me is just to justify what he is doing and blive me iv had it all from I feel iv wasted 16 years of my life 2 uv crushed me inside so feeling very sorry for himself but this really is not the person I know or did I really not know him at all?
admin

October 18, 2013 at 6:13 pm

🙁

Do you think maybe he has commitments issues. I mean, 16 years is literally longer than most marriages.
Mandy

October 18, 2013 at 7:02 pm

I think so when I asked him if he was truly happier now I got I’m a little happier now I have some of my life back but I really never stopped him from doing anything he did that just could not be bothered which is where I think depression comes in but won’t admit that he looks at his younger works friends and thinks there lives r better because they go out drinking but as we all know life is not greener on the other side do u think he will wake up to that can come home but as of last weekend had a general chat about kids but I noticed he could not even look at me what dose that mean should I just give up or is that guilt
admin

October 19, 2013 at 7:36 pm

He is probably really nervous around you and doesn’t know how to act.

ashley

October 7, 2013 at 11:22 pm

Me and my ex have been together over 7 yrs. Lived together a little over 6 of them years. We have a 4 yr old daughter together. He broke up with me because he said he needed space and that he didnt have feelings for me anymore. He left me september 8th. He started seeing someone a week or so later. We seen eachother twice since than and he told me he missed me and told me last night that he dont want me completly out of his life and he said he wasnt giving his reasons why. Than he said he dont hate me and its the opposite of hate. He texts me alot telling me his problems and whats going on. Im so stressed out now cuz he told me he is thinking about leaving his job to work with his gf. He says she makes him so happy. And keeps telling me hes stuck in a bad situation. I dont know what to do. He wants me to keep my address at our house still and wants me to keep our things there. Do you think its a rebound relationship? What should I do?

admin

October 8, 2013 at 2:20 am

Have you tried a NC yet?

How long has he been dating the new girl? You might also want to check out my rebound relationship page.
ashley

October 8, 2013 at 2:40 am

He has been with her for about 2 weeks or so. No I havent done NC we have a child together.
admin

October 9, 2013 at 1:30 am

Well, she could be a rebound. It is very early in their relationship still.

NC I think can be really effective for you though.
ashley

October 16, 2013 at 3:27 am

I have backed off of him. I’m doing the NC now and hoping that will work. Fingers crossed.
ashley

October 15, 2013 at 2:44 pm

Do I still have a chance? It has been over 2 days since he has even text me asking anything about our daughter. Have I lost him forever? He text me 4 days ago saying im obssesed with him. What does that mean?
admin

October 16, 2013 at 2:20 am

No you haven’t lost him forever haha. It probably means you need to back off a little bit.
ashley

October 14, 2013 at 1:13 am

He quit his job to work with his gf. I have been doing limited contacted only answering back if he asks anything about our child. He has now stopped talking to his family. Its like he is to good for everyone now. What does that mean? Do I still have a chance?
admin

October 15, 2013 at 1:38 am

It means he has an ego in the worst way 🙁

kat

September 30, 2013 at 6:48 am

Hy chris,my boyfriend left me with a one month baby he left for this lady Who have evrything money,good job and cars he gets whatever he wants from her.he call me same time checking on the baby and when he cames to visit the he does not stay for long 1 hour its enough for him.I love him and need him as a father of my baby pliz help to win him back

admin

October 1, 2013 at 2:36 am

He left you to care for the baby alone?

Well, I think the first step should be the Limited Contact. Have you started that?
kat

October 1, 2013 at 9:48 am

Yep he left me to take care of the baby alone he only send money nd he give me medical aid.I have started limited contact
admin

October 2, 2013 at 12:24 am

May I ask you what reason he gave you for the breakup? Was there anything that you think you did to cause him to act this way?
kat

October 3, 2013 at 5:55 am

Its very painful I can’t even sleep at night especialy when I think that he is with someone nd he left m with new born baby.I think this lady have all the power over him because she is older than him and she provide him with everything that he want and need.yes I’m in LC I don’t contact him at all its about a month nd a week now
admin

October 4, 2013 at 12:25 am

Well, for you maybe you need to work to expel those sleeping problems. Work on yourself. YOU become better from this experience.
kat

October 2, 2013 at 5:36 am

No he didn’t gave me the reason when I ask him questions he doesn’t reply m,we were living together so I gave birth by c-section and I went to my mom for few weeks so that she helps m with the baby and operation and after that few weeks I went back to him and he was never there he took all his cloths,I called him and told him that I’m at house he came I saw something was wrong I asked he said nothing I took his phone I saw that he is with someone after that he came clean and told me evrything than he said he is sorry he loves me and the baby he went back to that lady to pick up all his staff and he came home we were happy family for a week,it was on friday he went to work he never came back home for 3 days I called him text him he never replyed m so I took the baby and went back to my mom.
admin

October 3, 2013 at 12:52 am

I am sorry to hear this. It really hurts me to even read something like this. I can’t imagine what your going through. Your doing LC right?

Lanisha

September 25, 2013 at 4:31 pm

Hi Chris,
My boyfriend and i recently broke up after 8 years and we have a 2 year old daughter together. He recently told me that he was seeing someone and i was heartbroken. Im trying to figure out if it is a reboud or not. We said lets be friends in aprik but continued doing everything that couples do. But it wasnt until july when we got in a big arguement did i see it as over ( taking my clothes back, arguing etc.). So im confused of the fact if she is a rebound or not because although we “broke up” in april. It wasnt official until the ending of july. He started geting serious with her in the middle of augustt

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:20 am

How quickly did the new relationship form between him and the new woman?
Lanisha

September 29, 2013 at 8:19 pm

We had the fight july 17th they met at the end of july 20thstarted talking throughout august and made it official in the beginning of september

Paula

September 25, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Hi.
You say to not reply to the ex unless it’s about the kids. But what do you do if he confronts you face to face about why you’re ignoring him?

admin

September 26, 2013 at 3:05 am

You tell him to his face that you just wanted some time alone.

He may get angry but you know what he isn’t the boss of you. YOU are the boss of you.
Paula

September 26, 2013 at 1:54 pm

He had told me when we were broken up that he feels like we have already been broken up for a long time. Am I too late?
admin

September 27, 2013 at 5:45 am

Nah, sometimes a long time is needed (even if it hasn’t been.)
Paula

September 27, 2013 at 11:50 am

I followed your advice about minimal contact. The first day I didn’t hear a response, and then yesterday he texted me. He asked if how our daughter was doing and if he could see her so I replied that he could and that I’d meet him to drop her off after he got off work. Later he saw I had deleted him off facebook and texted me asking why I deleted him, and when I didn’t reply he said never mind it doesn’t matter… I’ll never get you. When he came to get our daughter I was polite but he was very short with me and seemed almost angry, and when he dropped her off he made it a point to call me “homie.” What is going through his head?
admin

September 28, 2013 at 2:54 am

My honest opinion is that he is angry that you aren’t acting the way he wants you to. And that is not a bad thing 🙂

abby

September 25, 2013 at 8:56 am

I would personally like to thank chris seiter for his advice, IT REALY WORKS!!! My ex and I are back together after nearly 3 months of being seperated, I followed your advice diligently and got the best results! We want to get married soon! Thanx so much! *happy ending*

admin

September 26, 2013 at 2:48 am

SWEET!

Success story!

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