How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 15, 2016 at 12:50 am

HI Alina,

honestly you should move on.. if he wants DNA test so be it, but your son is your first priority, focus on you and your son right now instead of him because it’s not worth it to let this time taint the happy memories you should be creating with your son.
Nesha

April 9, 2016 at 7:51 pm

I’ve been with my daughters dad for 5years all together she is two now we break up but we usually make up the next day this time he is extremely upset with me and has his friends in his hear a ex of mine text me that’s why we broke up I really would like to continue our relationship and move forward I am hurt by this he loves being a family and so do I haven’t called him in 3 days last night he text me and mentioned our relationship has been rough lately and that we needed to talk bcus of our daughter and that he still has things in my posession I didn’t respond what should I think about that message after 3 days of no contact he wants to talk but when I wanted to talk he didn’t help ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2016 at 9:51 am

Hi Nesha,

I think you really need to talk since it’s for your daughter, then it depends on that talk what your next actions would be.

HeartBroken

March 29, 2016 at 2:31 am

I need advice. I was with my ex for almost three years. We have a son together who is 2 1/2 yr old. I got preggers after 3 months of dating in which we werent together at that moment. We decided to get back together. He bought a house next door from my family, I moved in with his older child from a previous marriage. Everything went downhill. My love for him was there but i believe I didnt express it correctly. He kicked our son and myself out of the house because he told my family he didnt love me. He said he tried to fix us but he couldnt take it any more. He said i needed to change things meaning I needed to go out on more dates with him and show him that i cared. He refused to tell me what he wanted. eventually he got a new girlfriend and now she is always around for past two weeks in which I start the NO CONTACT rule. Ever since then I been threaten with custody and court from him. He even called my friends and stated he loves me but doesnt want to try then never even mention the new girl to my friends. His new gf has slept over while his older child has been there but not with our son. Which I know he will def have our son around her because he knows it will hurt me.

Should I just move on? What should I do? This no contact has been going the other way. I lost all the baby weight so far, gotten healthier, and now I feel like wow he moved on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 5:30 am

Hi,

Yeah it’s better to move on.. It’s looks like he just tried for the child.

Molly

March 28, 2016 at 4:13 pm

I’ve been with my ex for four months but known each other for over 20 years just a month and a half ago i found out i was pregnant he was happy at first this is his first born tells me he wants to be involved but just recently he reconnected with his ex which in their previous relationship it was a roller coaster (mistreatment, cheating, etc..), so we he told me he still loved her but has feelings for me and wants us to work out but cant find that feelings he has in her in me, which broke my heart into pieces. We broke up he refuses to see me he doesn’t want to see my belly(idk why) he calls to check on me from time to time sends me text saying “i don’t know whats wrong with me but any man would be lucky to have you”. and saying he cares he doesn’t want me to think he doesn’t he would even call and cry saying he cares. I use to send him text messages everyday saying how much i love him, how much hes hurting me, and knowing him for so long this girl is not good for him” etc…But now i decided to do the MC rule am i doing the right thing? I don’t know how he feels i’m still hurt but i just feel its time to be strong for my baby and my kids previous to this relationship. He still calls and ask how i’m doing but i keep the convo very short and don’t contact him am i doing whats right?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 3, 2016 at 4:44 am

HI Molly,

the good thing is he’s honest and he’s in touch for the baby. You know, I know it hurts but it’s better if you’re not together if he really loves his ex more because if you push knowing that, you will lower your self value.

Karen

March 24, 2016 at 6:36 pm

Is it too late? My husband of 16 years left a few months ago saying that he didn’t love me anymore. He denies there being someone else but I’m not sure I believe him. He was very secretive with his phone for a couple of months prior to leaving. I’ve done all the begging, pleading, crying and although he admitted that it hurt to see me so upset, it definitely hasn’t brought him back. I’ve since moved onto the minimal contact rule as we have two children together and I see him nearly everyday. Some days he can be really chatty and I find that I forget myself and I’m chatty back until he reminds me that we are no longer together as he walks back out of the front door. I gained a lot of weight during the pregnancy of our second child which I never lost but I’ve recently started to take action to lose the weight and become the ungettable girl. Unfortunately for me I was that girl when we first met so I guess he feels that I’m no longer good enough for him and believes that he can do a lot better than the woman i have become. It’s going to take at least another 6 months to get anywhere near where I used to be but what should I do during that time. Do I continue with the minimal contact and try a bit harder to resist his chit chat or should I try to engage with him more. If I’m honest, I think he’s more chatty when I’ve been distant.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2016 at 11:34 am

Hi Karen,

Don’t think too much. Rebuild your own life first whether you lose that weight or not, the more important thing is you have a life apart from him whether you get back together or not. Gain back your confidence first.

Anon

March 18, 2016 at 1:18 pm

HI, 5 weeks ago my partner of 4 years left me for the 2nd time this year. Just upped and left and we have a 2 year old boy together. I am absolutely devastated and have begged and pleaded and done all that humiliating stuff over and over.
I’ve recently found out he “likes” a girl that he works with, and is going out with her every weekend even though he persists ant nothing is going on. This girl has also disclosed to me he has no interest in him they are just good friends.
However he constantly says things like “You love me and i don’t love you” and he “isn’t going to change his mind” but he comes to my house and looks after his son because where he is living now isn’t suitable.
He is also picking and choosing when he sees his son and it’s making me feel rubbish!
I just want him to see what he’s throwing away OR do you think I have my blown my chance by begging/pleading/being needy!? Do you think I have a chance to bring us all back together?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 19, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Hi Anon,

This will sound counterintuitive, but once you and your son start to live life happy even without him, –but of course that doesn’t mean you’ll shut him out,– just being happy with or without him around, he will see that and naturally he would want a happy family too.. and you and your son is supposed to be his family… So, even if you begged before, once you stop that and start improving, and showing him that you love yourself now and you don’t care anymore if he loves you back, then there’s a greater chance that he will come back

Ash

March 14, 2016 at 2:16 am

My ex and I have been on and off since 2011. January 2024, after getting back together for the THIRD time, three months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. We stayed together and we were fine but two months later, he got drunk and he was mean and verbally abusive and it was not like him at all. I forgave him the next day. However, as time went on, episodes like that happened over and over again. Sometimes once a month and sometimes a couple of months. After our son was born, it was fine. The episodes stopped for a bit. Then he became friends with a guy we work with (my ex and I work together) and he started texting this guy all the time, hanging out at work with him all the time, going to the gym together, and then he started wanting to go out with him on his nights off. The drunk mean boyfriend was at his worse and after our son’s birthday party, we broke up because of a comment I made about his “boyfriend.”

I admitted I was jealous of all the attention and excitement this guy was getting over me. We got back together and forgave each other until a month later when it happened again. This time the breakup was for good. We broke up and because of all the fighting we had and a lot of it was mostly about him but some of it was about our son, and I just didn’t want to fight anymore and because my ex was drinking and getting angry, I decided to seek out a lawyer and go about official custody and child support help.

Long story short, I got sole physical custody and we share legal custody. My ex has proven many times that he doesn’t put our son’s best interests first, or our son sometimes, so I stuck with the lawyers. We’ve had some pretty intense arguments since but just two weeks ago I went over his place to speak with him and I explained that I don’t want to fight anymore and I don’t want to continue to her lawyers involved and that I want us to be friendly and to work together for our son’s sake. He agreed and when I was leaving he said to me “are you completely over me? Everything just happened so fast.” And I answered honestly and couldn’t help but get teary eyed and said “I’ll never be completely over you.” Then I left. Later I texted him and asked why did he ask me that and he said “because I’m not over you. I just wish things were different.” When I asked him what things he relied “idk.” I sent a long text about how I would take him back if he could prove to me he was ready to be the man his son and I needed and wanted him to be but he’d have to prove it first and that would take time. No response from him. The next day I texted him and said “so are we going to talk about yesterday or are we just going to pretend it never happened.” And he replied “Idk ash.” And nothing was brought up again.

I’m so confused. He goes out every week. I know this. I don’t. I’m usually always home with my son. I have been casually seeing another guy who I honestly think would be a better match for me but he doesn’t want a relationship yet because he’s still trying to recover for an ex that messed him up. But I still love my ex even though I shouldn’t because he was an asshole to me mostly, he wasn’t exactly the greatest boyfriend, he’s four years younger than me, he’s not ready to settle down, and he was verbally and emotionally sbusive. But he is the father of my son and I never saw myself marrying anyone else but him. I never would’ve given up on him but he gave up on us and I couldn’t fight for us both alone. I want him back but only if he can prove to me he’s ready to commit to me and to being a father and a family man, but I don’t think our relationship is salvageable because I got lawyers involved. I think that’s what he meant by “I wish things were different.”

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2016 at 11:15 am

Hi Ash,

I think it needs time besides you already called off the case right. So, maybe he’s trying to guage too if you would file a case again.

Lydia

March 7, 2016 at 10:31 pm

My bf & I have a 1 year old & he recently admitted to cheating on me again. I had caught him twice & this is literally, 3 strikes & OUT! He told me he still loved me but he needs to be “single” & had to let me & the other girl go to focus being a “better dad”. He had asked if him & I were “good”… I told him yes, due to letting go & focusing on the future. He also replied that he wants to be with me..just not now & he still wants to be able to have sex. UM NO! This totally shifted my thoughts about him. Before I let it slide, but this time around I realized…HELL NO! His living situation is not stable, nor does he have a stable life. Our daughter resides with me & since she was 6 months, I have been the sole caregiver & guardian. After he admitted openly about cheating & laid down what he wanted, it devastated me. I had been on a road to true forgiveness & trust, then this came along….he wants to be single & work on “being a better boyfriend”. Like, whatever the hell that means! I’m on Day 1 of MC (okay, more like 12 hours on MC), I am reading deep into the MC guidelines & its complicated. There’s no trust anymore between us. We can’t really “meet up” & “drop off” our daughter because he’s pretty much not stable to have her by himself. I have no trust to leave him alone with her, meaning I would have to be present at all times. Any advice on what to do?? Also, I really wanna know other success stories from Mamas like me! It’s been a hurtful, fearful time & after going through this the third time, I can’t stand to put myself back in a fourth time!!!! My ex & I don’t want anyone else to raise our kids, but time waits for no one & I need to be happy!

Lydia

March 9, 2016 at 8:05 pm

* I feel like I’m failing when I call him back, like today for example. I mentioned he should text me if he has any concerns about baby, his response was that (calling) “was the only way for me to answer & to stop avoiding him”. Should I keep rejecting his calls & if he leaves me a voicemail or text regarding baby, is that more appropriate to respond. This is getting tricky & again, I feel down on myself for even calling him back today, I had no idea it wasn’t about baby….like he brought up things off subject. I hope I did okay in keeping it SUPER short & avoiding interest.
Lydia

March 9, 2016 at 7:58 pm

Thank you, its an option I am going to look into!
Also, he’s been blowing up my phone (day 3 of MC), I DO NOT initiate contact with him, but yesterday he reached my office phone & I accidentally picked up. I keep the convos short & simple & be as polite as I can. He did it again today, by leaving me a voicemail regarding his things & we also share a joint bank account. Is it bad that I call back (just once) he knows I’m at work & baby is with the sitter, he tends to stray the convo away from baby. I keep it simple with “okays” & I often cut it short telling him, I’m at work & I gotta go. Is this okay? Should I only call him back when I’m with our daughter? If I had my way, I’d like to do NC but its hard I feel like I’m failing….
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 10:10 pm

yeah, it’s ok..since you’re not the one initiatung and you’re doing your best to cut it..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 9, 2016 at 9:46 am

Hi Lydia,

If you don’t trust him enough, have another person stay with him and the baby, or spend it outside.. The park, the mall, or stay with him in the house but do something else while close by so that he can see you’re busy.

At least that way you can still do bo contact.

Bec

March 6, 2016 at 11:35 am

I’m so confused. I was with my ex for 21 years, although we broke up twice for a year or 2 during that time. We’ve been together for 8 years this time around and have 3 children together. We’ve always had a pretty volatile relationship and the last 2 years have been pretty unhappy with him working and me home with the kids and we’ve grown apart. Finally I picked up on him having feelings for someone else which he admitted to. He never cheated on me with her and for 3 months I tried really hard to work on myself and fix things with him and asked him to stop seeing her but he was really resentful about that and eventually would lie to me and sneak off to hang out with her. When it happened the 2nd time I kicked him out. I really hoped he would realise how much he’d hurt me and screwed up and want to work on things but he was just angry and got his own place. He’s really hostile to me and I’m really angry with him but I’m also really sad about the loss of our family and wish we could fix it. i still love him and I think he still loves me although he says he is happier living alone and I’m really not sure. Recently he’s started hanging out with a girl in her 20s and I know he has a friend who’s really encouraging him to play the field. I don’t know how to approach all of this. I want our relationship back but not how it was and there are big trust issues that would need to be addressed. I don’t know how to get him to try again and how to be all fun and attractive because all isn’t forgiven and I’m upset with him about how he treated me. How do I do this?

bec

March 9, 2016 at 3:19 am

I talked to him. He says he misses me but he feels ‘unburdened’ being out of the relationship. I can do my best to do minimal contact with kids…but the whole ungettable girl thing? I’m 43, I’m nice looking but I’m not the beauty I used to be anymore and the last few months of stress are written all over my face. I’m also really hurt and depressed and angry-not that attractive. I can try to fake all the ‘right’ attitudes but I’m actually angry as Hell with him. So I’m really confused about how to get back together by making him want me when I need him to actually deal with what happened with me. I mean, I love him and I’m so upset about losing our family, but I can’t just act like what he did doesn’t matter.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2016 at 12:47 pm

Hi Bec,

sorry for what happened.. But right now, if you haven’t tried talking, when he’s cool headed, why not try to talk… be calm even if he gets angry. If it doesn’t work then that’s when you do no contact.

Samantha

February 28, 2016 at 12:17 pm

My boyfriend and i were going out for 2 and a half years i have 3 kids that are not his but who consider him dad and he still consider them his. We were happy than out of no were right befor christmas he dumps me and says he we need a seperation than in january he got with another girl. He tell me there is still hope for us and im still his best friends. I want him back but im afraid if i do the minimal contact thing he will think he is better off with out us and he is happy with her. I am in love with him and the thought of going on with out him kills me. What should i do

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2016 at 3:48 pm

HI Samantha,

That depends on how he sees you.. This may sound shallow but the truth is if he sees you’re physical, emotional, social, personal improvement and that you have moved on, he will notice that and probably get attracted again because he doesn’t have you.. That’s how the male mind works.. Actually not just male, us too.. We want something that is good and not ours..

Melinda

February 25, 2016 at 3:00 am

Hi I’m really confused and would really love some advice
Me and my ex have 3 children together. We had been together for 5 years and he broke up with me in Feb 2015 due to me being needy and clingy. I would get annoyed when he wanted to go out and he finally had enough. I was begging him back the first 2 months but nothing really budged him. He did feel bad but he just didn’t want to have the same thing to happen again if we just got back together. That’s when i just let him go. it was so hard. During the year of our break we never contacted each other unless it was strictly about the kids. During that year I dated a few guys, but the relationships never worked because I never felt a strong connection. At the beginning of month we started texting again just as friends and then he started hanging out the house more often. One day when after hanging around with the kids and I he went home i got a text. He texted me that he had a great time and is so confused because he has feelings that come and go for me. After that text we just continued texting normally like we were before. Just last week we made the decision to work things out at a very slow pace because I also started getting feelings for him. 2 days ago he texted me and asked me what was i doing the next day. I told him I had a job interview then that was pretty much it besides getting dinner ready for the kids by the time they came home. He said he finished work early and that if I wanted to hang out. Of course I did. So as normal as possible I said “Yes. I have to go drop the kids to school. I’ll text you after” but really i was dying of happiness inside. Anyways ill try and make this short so the next day, he came over straight after work and we had such a great time. i was being me. i felt so comfortable, laughing and teasing. I had a really good time and so did he. By the time he went to his house, it was time for the kids to come home. So i switch on mom mode and went about my day with the kids. But today I think i just ruined everything and I’m panicking. So after I dropped the kids to school, i did my usual house work and then i just started thinking about him. so i got out my phone and i texted “I’m being honest, I can’t stop thinking about you and i miss you.” after a long wait he replied …. wait for it…… “Really? lol. Nawww that’s so cute. I’ll text you after” …… i don’t know why but I felt so embarrassed when I got his text. Did I just ruin my chances? Was that the wrong move? Do i look desperate? How do i fix this? My dream is to have my family under the one roof happily. Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2016 at 1:32 pm

Hi Melinda,

I don’t think you ruined it.. Just keep your bearings when you’re with him.. and keep track of yourself of you’re about to go back to being needy or clingy

Katherine

February 18, 2016 at 2:19 am

My ex boyfriend and I were together nearly four years. We have an eight teen month old and an eight month old. He got this new job and works with his uncle. Everything was going great but then he would stay out after work and drink wouldn’t come home till around 7 pm or 8pm and he got off work at 3pm. I couldn’t handle anymore so I told him to leave. He really left and he’s been gone now for over a month. I didn’t know it was going to lead to this but here I am. He says he loves me and still wants to be with me but he doesn’t think it should be right now. I don’t understand. He comes here on his day off and he try to act like nothing is wrong and loves on me try to have sex and ect… I don’t know what to do. Help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2016 at 1:44 pm

Hi Katehrine,
Don’t have sex and talk to him calmly about what you feel and what your standards are.. Because as I see it, he thinks you will easily get back with him.. maybe because of the children or he knows how much you love him.. so you have to be firm

A sticky situation.

February 15, 2016 at 11:52 pm

So I need some real advice for once. I’m 15 weeks pregnant, my husband is 20 and I’m 22. We’ve only been married for 5 months and things we’re amazing in the beginning. Then he came out and told me he loves me but is in love with some one else he’s been knowing since high school. He wanted to be honest about it. We’ve been arguing and unhappy every since. And part of why he accepted her back into his life after moving on, was because of me being really emotional and always demanding a lot from our relationship. I became crazy mentally emotional mess. We still live together and having sex. But here’s where I’m stuck. I want us to work out and get him back. He wants to only do it for the baby because he’s confused and doesn’t want a family. So how can I do it to get him back and be a family ? Should I move out get my life situated for the baby and work on getting him back like that. or stay and see if he changes with the arrival of the baby??

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2016 at 10:39 am

Actually I think you can work this out even without moving out.. you said it yourself, you got emotional and demanding.. although I know, part of it is because you’re pregnant. But I think just changing that, not blaming him, changing the atmosphere in your home can help a lot

Nk

February 11, 2016 at 6:09 am

Hi Chris, please help me. On Valentine’s Day last year I met my ex.. Things were amazing and I feel pregnant within 6 weeks. He was over the moon and admitted he wanted me to have a baby. During my pregnancy he was obsessed with me.. He looked after me sooo well and was very loving. Unfortunately i became very ill during the pregnancy and was bed ridden. A day before my due date he told me he doesn’t love me the same due to me being sick because we couldn’t bond. Soon after I have birth. I caught him messaging his ex and we have had a few fights. He has left the home and does not want to be with me. Our baby is 6 weeks old. I’ve so hormonal I’ve been begging him back and scared him away. I can’t do the full no contact rule cos of the baby. I want him to give things a chance. How can I get him back. Nk

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 11, 2016 at 12:28 pm

Hi Nk

Sorry, but he’s a jerk.. Sigh.. We can’t guarantee you’ll get him back and if you’re going to do no contact, that means you just don’t talk about the relationship and your feelings when he comes over for the baby

Nk

February 11, 2016 at 6:07 am

Hi Chris, please help me. On Valentine’s Day last year I met my ex.. Things were amazing and I feel pregnant within 6 weeks. He was over the moon and admitted he wanted me to have a baby. During my pregnancy he was obsessed with me.. He looked after me sooo well and was very loving. Unfortunately i became very ill during the pregnancy and was bed ridden. A day before my due date he told me he doesn’t love me the same due to me being sick because we couldn’t bond. Soon after I have birth. I caught him messaging his ex and we have had a few fights. He has left the home and does not want to be with me. Our baby is 6 weeks old. I’ve so hormonal I’ve been begging him back and scared him away. I can’t do the full no contact rule cos of the baby. I want him to give things a chance. How can I get him back
sofya

February 7, 2016 at 10:18 pm

Hi. My husband says he doesn’t want to B wit me anymore. He hadn’t told me for nearly a yr that he loves me. But then last July he text me saying he did still love me, but now he says he meant it as in loved me as our son’s mother. He also suggested that while we split we shud carry on sleeping together and not sleep wit ne1 else. But asked if I did sleep with anyone would I tell him as he wud rather hear it straight from me. I asked why would he want to know that, coz I sure wouldn’t want to know if he was….and I was going out last weekend and he text me saying if I got back early enough to let him know so he could come around if I wanted him to or if I didn’t get a better off..and he started kissing me goodbye (when I asked him why he kissed me, he said because he wanted to and apologized) I’m seriously confused. Not sure if I shud hold on and see Wat he does if anything r try to move on with my life ( which is hard as o do love him and he’s back at his mums which is literally around the corner from my house) I am sooooo confused. Is he just playing games wit me

sofya

February 8, 2016 at 5:45 pm

Hi.

Thats just the thing he doesn’t pull back. He will mention it again that I’m turning him on.. and I’ll B doing nothing. He constantly asks who I’m trying etc and offers me lifts if I’m going out like he’s trying to check I’m going where I say. But he’s kissing me goodbye etc in front of the kids which is confusing them too. My head us wrecked. I have a date set up but had doubts weather I shud go A coz it’s only been a few weeks since we split. And B coz way he is acting
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2016 at 9:15 am

That’s good. Maintain it until you are really sure that he has changed. With the date, if you’re gut feeling says you shouldn’t go, don’t go.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 8, 2016 at 8:35 am

Hi Sofya,

Yep. He’s playing you. He doesn’t want to get back with you but he wants you to sleep with him and only him but he doesn’t want you to think you’re back together. For me that’s not confusing. He’s trying to see if he can the benefit without the hard work.

But the question is, if he pulls back after you refuse sex, what would you do?

elizabeth

February 6, 2016 at 10:21 pm

my ex and I was together for 6 years and got pregnant a few months after dating well I lost that child so I got pregnant again December well he dropped out of high school to take care of our daughter but he never took care of her only I have so when the oldest was five months old I chose to go to college well shortly after she turned one I graduated with medical assisting but now days doctors and hospitals want to you have more experience so then in 2013 I got pregnant again had our daughter Kinsley well when she was 8 months old in October 2014 her dad decided to move to lebanon to step up and be in her and the oldest lives he worked and went back to school to get his GED well may last year he was arrested becUse he decided to talk to other girls on fb and met this girl she lied about her age they sent pictures back and forth if body parts and Skype video sex do he got charged with stat rape and solicitation of minor cause girl was actually only 15 well he got out of jail in August moved back home to mommy and daddy constantly saying we was together we was together and in September I got pregnant again but lost that baby in November then December came around he came to lebanon wanted to have sex on what he said was his uncles car and I said no then last month he said we was together so up until the 29th we was together but I’ve paid his phone bill every month until he got a job cause he said we was together well on Thursday of last week I called him up because his sister said call her so I talked to her and she told me that the car he said their uncles is this other girl and the girl is Infact pregnant she’s 7 weeks and when I asked him why he done me this way he said because he wanted to see if he’d be happier without so now this girl is having a baby with a sex offender and he will be a sex offender for 4 years with 4 years on probation and now since he was arrested may 15 2015 he was unable to take his GED test in June that he was suppose to done so I’ve been through a tough time. Thankfully I waited til I graduted high school to get pregnant so I can give my daughters some kind of better future than their dad ever can because he’s a felon with no GED and no car so he’s using the girl for her car and he hasn’t ever had a stable job longer than a year. I hope this is his rebound but idk since shes pregnant

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2016 at 4:40 pm

Hi Elizabeth,

what’s your next step in mind?

Kristen

January 31, 2016 at 8:01 pm

Hello, I really need advice. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me. We have a one year old son as well. I have known my him for almost 5 years because we went to school together. I have been a stay at home mother for the past year and we only went on a date one time for my brother’s wedding reception because I wasn’t comfortable leaving our son with anyone… I know, first time Mom rookie mistake. I think he feels I put him on the back burner for our son. He’s also very stressed financially because he is the only one working and its been minimum wage…. He told me a couple days ago that he has lost all feelings for me and broke up with me. I’m hurting immensely. I told him I was looking for a job and have applied several places and that I’m willing to go through counseling. He says its too late for that. I can’t have a broken family… It’s just… Not an option for me. I don’t want to live without him and us to not all be a family unit in the same household. I am trying to give him his space but I still live in the house with him. So it’s hard. I’ve been sleeping in my son’s room. What should I do to rekindle this flame?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 11:20 am

Hi Kristen,

Hmm, Can it be that it’s because of his financial responsibility pressures? And don’t take what he said seriously, he might have just said it out in spur of the moment. First, try your best not to nag him or talk about relationship for now. Be a calm and understanding presence. It’s good if you will find a job to keep you busy too while the both of you are giving space. Don’t think about having a broken family, concentrate on finding a job now to help lessen the financial pressures. And also, encourage your son to bond more with him so that he doesn’t feel like your taking your son away from him.

So Hurt

January 18, 2016 at 5:16 am

Hey Chris, I really need some advice on a massively complicated situation. My ex and I share one child (neither of us have other kids). My ex is younger than me (he’s 24, I am 28). We came out of a 4 year relationship together, me being his first everything, so one can only assume he has baggage from this. We live in different states, because I left him due to really complicated matters, I had nowhere to live when we lost our home, so I have returned to family in my hometown, he has our son. He moved on to a new woman after 3 weeks. She also has 2 kids to another man. The way he is treating me now, is really disrespectful, I blocked his new girlfriend online as she would taunt me and so would my ex. He treats me very cold, and tells me there is no hope to ever be a family again. I really wish it were different, and I try my best to ignore his disrespect. Nothing I say works with him, e.g: “you are disrespecting your sons mother, would you treat your own mother this way?”. He doesn’t understand that I am missing my son. I want to be a family again, but the distance, his attitude, his lies he has told his family about me to make himself feel better for moving on so fast, all odds seem stacked against me. I am still willing to make this work, however, I am the only one trying. It hurts, he has treated me so bad, and still I try to fight for my son who is 2 years old, to have both parents. His family hates me, they won’t speak to me at all, this hurts so bad. He has lied to justify cutting me out his life because another woman swooped in when we were at a weak point. Please help me. This has gone on for 4 months now. And I am starting to crack.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 8:57 am

Hello so hurt,

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, in this case I think it’s best to stop communicating before he blocks you and lessening your chances of seeing your son. If ever he doesn’t want you to see your son, I think you need police or legal help with that. But it’s best that you don’t say anything bad that he can use against you and to justify his lies. hopefully after at least 21 days of peace on both sides, he will be more open to listening to you again

jessica

January 16, 2016 at 10:45 pm

hi i need some help, me and my bd have to children together we broke up when our youngest was thr months old he cheated. now he had another gf had two kids with her but always is trying o get with me actually got me pregnant twice while they were together and it would end up them back together and me feeling played, so i cut him off for a year and he’s doing it again, but . i told him as long as he has another woman living in his house we cant do anything. well i effed that up by hookng up with him and now i feel like he played me. should i just do the no contact rule until he proves his word? he talks about us being together alot but i dont know if he means it or if its just a ploy to hook up. he was the furst person i was with and the only man i loved since i was 14 .

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2016 at 5:29 am

Hi Jessica,

Truth is you are being played. Do the No contact rule because you’ve had enough and you love yourself. If he really loves you, he will prove his word. Especially if you are serious with yourself and with him on what your standards are. But keep in mind he also has two kids with her, so if you’re going to continue the relationship, bear in mind that he will still see them.

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