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Jessica
December 22, 2015 at 3:58 pm
Hello Chris,
My husband and I have been together for 5 years married for 3. We have a 2 year old son together. So I found out he cheated on me twice with the same girl while intoxicated. Unfortunately she is pregnant but its between him and two other guys. His chance of him being the father are slim but still there. Well when I found out this happend I made him go stay somewhere else for a couple of days and he begged for me back. I took him back then a couple days later he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to separate and I asked him if he would be willing to reconnect. He said no I think we should just separate so I told him ok then lets separate. Anyways I ended up moving out of the house and gave him divorce papers and said if this is what you want here you go. I began seeing another guy and drinking a lot. I was very hurt. When my ex started to want me back a little I told him it would take a miracle. I even let my son around this other guy twice. Which now I regret doing. Now I want my ex husband. I want my marriage and I want to keep my family together. He is now talking to another girl cause I had left him alone for so long. And he says hes done. I’ve made a lot of mistakes such as: asking for him back to angry texting and all that good stuff. I truly don’t think its going to last with this girl. Shes got three kids with two different guys. I’ve heard shes not a very good person and I don’t think he knows that she made out with his brother. This has been a whole 3 month deal. I really would like to see us back together. We were really great together just started to grow apart and quit spending time together. I am going to try to follow the no contact rule as much as I can with my son. But is it too late? Did I screw everything up?
Lin
November 23, 2015 at 6:25 pm
I live with my son’s father. Our son is 12. We were only together for a few months before he left. He came back, then left again to be in a relationship where he shared with me details I did not want to hear, which hurt me deeply as I was sitting with our son, abandoned by him. During the recession, we both lost our homes, cars and had nothing. I moved in with family and he came to see his son there, slept there, ate there, stayed there every weekend. My family didn’t object, but surely were obligated to accept it. An opportunity to rent a home in the same neighborhood came up and it seemed like a good idea to rent, my son, his father and I living together as a family. A year later, my son’s father bought the home, with my help, and then things changed. Feelings of insecurity and loneliness crept in on me. He and I had not been intimate for over 10 years, and his attitude was to ignore me and pay all the attention on our son, with me as cook, housekeeper, gardener, and care taker of all. It has sucked the life out of me, playing this role. I began to think, since we get along, live together and want to share in the day to day life of our son, why not see if we could make a relationship together work. He said he considers me a good friend and that is all, that he is a single man to do as he pleases and I am welcome to stay in the home and live rent free, for as long as I want, but no relationships. I find this impossible at this point, but it is so difficult when there is a child involved. The house is next to the school where my son attends, his friends in the neighborhood come over and it is a great place to grow up. I can’t afford to live in anywhere near this area. I have full custody and have always been there for our son, which is not the case for his dad. His dad has a gift to earn good money, and I have the gift to make a beautiful home. I struggle with having enough income to support myself and my son, but this will not always be the case. I guess what I am asking you is, do I have permission to leave this mess of a relationship behind and how terrible will it be on my son and me? My son’s father has made it clear how he feels, that is surely a message for me to move away. It’s the leaving a home and my son that is killing me….and processing the rejection of a not-a-great match in the first place. Oh, and I’m out of work and it’s the holidays, so I’m not going anywhere besides internally processing this. I thought leaving for the holidays to a shelter would traumatize my son for life, so I would suck it up and make it all warm and fuzzy again in the home for now. But it does seem like it is time to start making a plan….since he likely won’t follow me anymore.
Does this blubber make any sense? You’ll have to read through this. I’m just typing my thoughts….it’s a way to process it all. Fourteen years to awakening.
L
Bre
November 9, 2015 at 1:27 am
Hello, I ruined my relationship of 1 year with the father of my 9 month old child.. We’ve broken up in the past because of things like my attitude, I would argue with him over little things to the point where he can’t take it anymore and ask for a break.. We got back together in the beginning of the summer everything was like new it was perfect he seemed so into me wanting to talk to me every second and he is a wonderful father to our daughter. I am in love with the thought of having my family together and being happy and one day getting married and having another kid with him… I am currently on antidepressants for anxiety and depression. My boyfriend just started a new job that hires pretty much anybody and a lot of people in our city works there, there are a lot of rumors of people cheating who work there and some people have even gotten fired for having sex in the bathroom or parking lot at the job!!! My BF has never cheated on me before but my insecurities got the best of me and I felt worried when he started to work there, he would try to assure me that nothing was going on and he even tell his coworkers about me. On this past Friday he seemed very distant, going upstairs to text and smiling at his phone, not listening to me when I talked cause he was too into his phone… Later that night his friends and I went out for drinks and he was standing outside the car texting, I creeped up behind him and he said he was texting his best friend so I grabbed the phone and I didn’t see a text, he grabbed the phone back and I threw my drink at him and told him I knew he was lying I started panicking crying telling him I can tell he was lying and he got irritated called me insecure and told me he was done!! The next day he asked me how I felt and told me that he thinks we should just try to be friends and start over he says he still wants to hang out as a family and even sometimes without the baby, he still wants to talk on a daily basis and wants me to come over like I normally would just not as often.. I am hurt because I am in love with him and I want to be with him.. He says he wants to be back with me In the future but want to work on building a bond as friends first… Should I go straight into minimal contact or should I go with his plan and just befriend him?!
Ambarine
September 22, 2015 at 4:40 am
Hey Chris
I’ve already emailed my situation to you so I won’t go into it here although I would love that discount on your book! Lol, I just wanted to say congratulations to you and your wife on the pregnancy!!!! Hope it all goes well, any child would be lucky to have you two as parents ☺️
All the best
Ambz
Chris Seiter
October 1, 2015 at 6:38 pm
No longer pregnant!
We have a baby girl!!!!
haddybay
September 21, 2015 at 11:09 pm
Dear Chris.
I could really use your help! by the way the father of my son’s name is Chris but besides that I am 17 years old about to be 18 in 2 1/2 months and the father of my son contacted me 2 days ago saying he wanted to work out our relationship. Most of his text messages had to do with being intimate. I didn’t like that thought and he was so sweet to me all day long. He sent me Kiss faces and everything else. The next day I proceeded to text him and got no reply, but to find out hes messing with some hott blonde now and partying a lot lately. I then texted him asking about our sons first birthday this saturday and then i “accidentally” sent him a text that was supposed to go to a “mystery guy”. is that a bad way to play hard to get? PLEASE HELP i love him.
Vanessa
September 11, 2015 at 3:58 am
I am not entirely sure where to start. I’ll try to make this as short as possible. So me and my ex boyfriend had a child together and she was born february 22nd, 2015. him and i were together for a little over a year and only know each other for like 3 months before we started dating. I am prone to severe mental problems, so most of the situation that ended the relationship, was all me. I do not take meds, i am a naturalist. i am so stuck, my problems prevent me from ever being happy. i never can drive, have a permit, license or anything similar because its that bad. im mad and sad daily, and it fluctuates. i didnt feel like my ex was making my problems any better. he is a different type of person, sort of emotional, but then again hard up. he told me he doesnt no longer love me and we have a daughter. i always told myself if i get with someone, no sex and i dont ever want children. well i had a daughter, i dont know how i feel about it, my mind fluctuates all the time about me loving her and then i dont. im prone to screaming and hitting. i cant even care for my daughter on my own. i cant move out because i just cant cope. i ruin everything, literally. now that i have her, somehow i needed a family thats together, not broken, it messes with most children very bad mentally. and my problems are extremely severe. people can have worse of course, but i used to be happy go lucky. i been dealing with my problems since i been 14 and now i am 18 with a daughter a little over 6 months old. i ruined the relationship with her father and i dont have nowhere else to go. i don’t want to live with my parents. they found out they are moving to iowa(where in VA right now) because my dad been laid off from work. i get mad and sad about stuff from ever since i can remember and my mind wont let it go. anyways, about her father, he is 22 now. he wants his daughter really bad and the thing is he works, he got out of rehab for going back on drugs. which he didn’t do them since him and i were together, except that one time, then he put himself in rehab and was gone for a week. he wants his daughter really bad, but im the main supporter. but my mom takes her to her doctor appointments and i don’t go no longer because someone’s tone with me at the place. but what can i do really to make any of this work? like how do i approach a man when i have severe problems i can’t control? i have a very hard time treating him correctly like i want to. the start of the relationship was good, but once it kept going i would get mean every day with him for nothing.
Lihle
September 5, 2015 at 7:03 am
Hi chris
I just broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago and we have a 3 year old do which we both love a lot. I didn’t see the break up coming, first I heard it from his friend and after a week or so he told me. Yeah I did something embarrassing I begged him to stay promised to change and treat him better cause the thing is he cheated more than once so I lost all the trust and became very insecure. We were living together in Johannesburg so a week before the break up he went home for a visit and while he was there I got a call from home that my mom is not well so I had to rush home too. When he came back 3 days after I went home he moved out of our rented place,. Went to stay with his sister I guess cause till today he hasn’t told me where he is. He called everyday to check our son and sometimes we chat via whatsapp. Haven’t got my period since the break up and I told him that he just said I should stop disturbing his peace and get rid of the pregnancy and then asked if I thought he was gonna be my fool forever. He hate me and I love him and want us to be a family and raise our kid. Please help Chris what should I do.
Jessica
August 25, 2015 at 6:35 am
Hi Chris,
I could really use ur insight please. I have a 5 yr old daughter and would like to get back with her dad. He is a great father and friend. About 1 year before i met him i left a very abusive relationship in which i had 3 previouse children. Long story short this man was my first relationship since my DV. after 3 months with my daughters dad i was pregnant and scared called it quites. 2 months into my pregnancy he met another women. They been off and on since.Never shared my true feelings till 2 years ago, he said he felt the same but felt obligated to the other women and had to end things right. But he was then hit by drunk driver.now its about 2 years later, the othrr women takes chemo in form of pills so sad very nice lady. But he recently told me he loves me and considers me his woman but cant leave the other women with her health the way it is.. I understand that cuz he has helped raise her children been witb them everyday since before my daughter was born. The selfish side of me was to yell out MY DAUGHTER FINALLY DESERVES TO HAVE HER FAMILY BACK TOGETHER!!! We have been intimate a couple times and i see my daughters face when we hug or when he kisses me. Me and her Dad are great together all my children respect and like him. I love this man always have and believe i always will. I wish i wasnt scared years ago. Any insight u have would be greatly appriciated. Do i wait or should i move on, or how the heck do i convince him to chose his family. His own mom asked him whats stopping him from me and his daughter.
Thank u for ur time.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 4:31 pm
Keep your cool. I know this is a very hard situation. Don’t be intimate with him anymore, your giving him the power to be with both of you. Have you done no contact with him at all?
You don’t have to convince him to choose his family let him do that on his own.
Aiden's mom
August 13, 2015 at 2:45 am
Hi Chris
Recently my fiance broke up with me. We have a one year old son together. When we broke up I moved out and went to my mom’s house. Now what had led up to this break up is a lot. About a year and a half ago I had started with depression due to me being pregnant and not being ready to have a kid at a young age ( I was 21 when I had my son) anyway the depression continued and got worse after I had my son. After he was born me and my fiance started to argue a lot and it was about stupid little things and if we were not arguing I had a tendency to have an attitude or get upset over little things. It could have been that he said hi different and I got upset or mad or whatever. But because all this was happening he began to grow unhappy with me and started to distant himself from me and because of that I would go through his phone and because if the depression I was a very forgetful person and I had forgot to tell him friends texted him and it got to the point where he put a lock on his phone so I could not longer do that. Well once that happen things were getting better between us and I had began to fight my way out of the depression then about a week ago he got a new phone and he had left his old phone home and had it turned off. I had already knew that not everyone had his new number so while he was at work I turned it on that way if anyone called or texted him I could give them his new number. But before I get to much into that lets back up a little. This is how the day went the day he broke up with me. We woke up and everything was fine we were joking around and then we both got up and got dressed for the day went and made a cup I coffee still joking around with each other then after that we went outside to have our morning cigarette together then when I was done he stayed outside and played with his new phone some more and I went in to make his lunch for him like always then went back outside to spend some time with him before his ride picked him up. When he left we said our goodbyes and I went in to check on my son who had just woke up so I fed and changed him and put him in the play room with the other kids. ( our roommates kids) in the process of doing all this one of the kids did something that had made me very angry at them and with me being bi polar when I get mad I sometimes don’t know what I’m doing and in that process is when I turned on his phone while doing so for some reason that I don’t know of I had went through his phone after I had sat his phone down a friend had texted him so I gave her his new number and then proceeded to text my fiance and tell him that I gave her his number. He then called me and started yelling at me for touching his phone and that I should have never touched it and he broke up with me so we then hung up and he continued to text me and yell at me that way. Since that day I I knew I wanted to do whatever I could to get him back and have our family together again. Please help me.
Di
August 5, 2015 at 4:36 am
What if you get a positive neutral one word responses ~ Cool! Oh Yeah! Wow! ? How do you handle those? Thanks.
Chris Seiter
August 6, 2015 at 9:46 pm
Based on what response?
Like what are you saying to get those type of responses?
JulieMae
August 3, 2015 at 3:21 pm
Hi Chris,
Thank you for this article – I read all your other articles and was losing my mind because I have a child with my ex and I was freaking out because the other advice from your articles I could only do to a certain extend. Thank you for your help!
My question is this: We are an interracial couple. I’m black, he’s white and we live in GA. Please keep this in mind. My ex fiance and I were together for four years and we lived together. Now that I broke up with him, and I realized what my faults were and how I played a part in our relationship going south, I want him back, hence why I’m here. However, the biggest reason why our relationship didn’t work was due to outside forces – our soon-to-be in-laws and hating friends of his (I had some haters too but I dropped them). My father and sister do not like my ex and his mother and some close friends of his do not like me. The both of us live two hours away from one another and we moved back in with our parents (the parents who do not like the child’s ex-spouse). So for three months, I’ve been getting nagged about my ex from my father, and he’s been getting nagged about me from his mother and close friends.
Since the break up this is all that has occurred as far as contact goes: 1) We took our son to his doctor appointment, then he took us to lunch 2) He took us to watch him bowl in a league that he’s in 3) We’ve made plans to go to a water park together for our son in a few weeks. I learned a few weeks ago that I only need to tell my father only MINIMAL things about what I’m doing. I dont even mention my ex’s name, I lie. I hate telling him white lies, but if it means I don’t nagged then I’ll do it in a heartbeat. And so far I’ve been able to live in peace under my father’s roof, meanwhile repairing my relationship. My ex, however, has not yet grasped the concept of not telling his mother everything we do yet (that’s the main reason we broke up because she was always in ALL of our business and I couldn’t stand that she she our every move). So when we talk, and we’re in a good mood, I want to keep that going. But the moment we make plans about doing something, and he tells his mother, his mood goes south real fast. And then, he doesn’t want to talk to me as much or as long, his mood is just dead.
I know it’s because of his mother always nagging about how close we still are even though we broke up and I moved away from him. She can’t stand me and I really don’t care to be honest. My father can’t respect my ex as a man who knows how to take care of me and that’s disrespectful because my ex provided well for me until his finances changed at work (they made cuts real bad).
So in this situation, I want to do MCP so badly (because he has a rebound girl and she lives in CA, i think that’s funny), but I’m afraid in moments like these, where his mother dogs him and his rebound, about spending time with his family, my initial reaction is to comfort him, because when I left him back in April that’s what made him cold and get a rebound in the first place.
But his mother (I learned a week ago) was the main culprit in bringing him down further i.e “Oh she left you, so you should leave her high and dry and not help her with anything” (yet she told me to file child support on him because that was the best I was gonna get out of him as far as support goes), “why when she drops off the baby that she doesn’t bring anything for him? she expects you to pay for everything” (yet, she’s charging him $700 a month for rent. When my ex tries to send me $ for our son so that i can manage the money and disperse his belongings between the both of us, she nags at him about that, saying that his first responsibility is to pay her rent first), “You aren’t allowed to move from here until you pay off everything that we’ve ever bought you back” (yet when they had no food in their house last year, he bought them groceries for two months straight).
Chris what can be done? I want him to move out into a hotel, but our son is staying with him right now for two months (I’m in the army national guard and I have training to do for two months), and having his parents around means that they’ll babysit. But he’s always mad when he comes home, therefore that rubs off on OUR son and I noticed that tension on my son’s face and demeanor yesterday when I came into town (because of army duty). Help! My family is falling apart and I’ll be damned if that woman turns my fiance into a cold man and in turn takes the happiness away from my son as well. I will not understand. What can I do besides pray extra hard? Thanks in advance.
JulieMae
August 3, 2015 at 3:28 pm
** Correction : Where his mother dogs him and his rebound complains too
Rosie rose
July 28, 2015 at 9:08 pm
Hey Chris I’ve been reading your post mostly everyday and find ding out new things but as for myself I’m in a situation as to where I’m stuck going in circles. My ex and broke up about a year ago now. We have a child together. When we were together we were happy but the fights always lead us to splitting up. So one day I said enough is enough and went my own way. About 3 months later I was told he has a girlfriend. He stayed with her for awhile. He contacted me 2 months later saying he will always want his family. When he moved back home talked about trying to fix things between us. He was so distant and cold towards me. I soon found out he was still with his girlfriend when we were trying to make things work. Eventually they broke up. Again he started to contact me and wanted to get together but he was always so mean and cruel. He always accused me. About a month ago I found out he went back to his girlfriend. Now I have no contact with him because he asked me not to contact him and that I’ve lost him. So I give up all hopes and move on with my life? I really do want my family and it hurts deep down..
Pregnant & due in less than 2 weeks
July 24, 2015 at 7:37 pm
The man I am having a baby with was seeing this woman who had separated from her husband, she was apparently his first real love. Well then it came down to where the woman’s husband threatened her with her kids and she ended up going back to him for her kids. Well several months after she left the guy I’m having a child with, me and him started dating. Then she out of nowhere in November said she was leaving her husband and wanted to get back with him. So we ended up breaking up, completely shattering me, soon afterwards I found out I was pregnant. The woman still hadn’t left her husband so around valentine’s day we started seeing each other a lot more, and we’re talking every day and he was staying at my house every night. We weren’t officially back together, but we were constantly in contact and together. I knew he still stayed in touch with her some and he was honest with me about his feelings and their contact. I kmow 100 % that he loves me, but recently he felt he needed to give her an ultimatum, if she wasn’t going to really leave her husband he was done. Our baby is due in less than 3 weeks and it wasn’t fair to him me or the baby. Well she decided to take him up on his ultimatum and up and left her husband. It again shattered me. And since he apparently “forced” her into it she had nowhere to go so he couldn’t pay rent for two apartments and she doesn’t have a job, they had to immediately move in together. He told me it was a recipe for disaster not to think too much into that, and he has also told me that he doesn’t have faith in the two of them but he does in me and him. But the next time he is with me he wants to be able to give me 100 % of his heart, and until then it’s not fair to me or the baby to just have part of him. So they’ve been together a week exactly today and I’m miserable. Moving on isn’t an option. I want to wait on him, I don’t think he would tell me those things and that he loved me and being in love with 2 women was hell. And that he did think of me all the time and miss me if he didn’t mean them, he’s been so upfront and honest with me all this time about his feelings. I want him to come back to me. They have been together going on 2 weeks now and we had talked some every day up until yesterday and I didn’t hear from him, I was letting him initiate most of the conversation. Help
International Love Pt. 2
June 15, 2015 at 10:28 pm
A little update to my situation: He has since broke up with his gf (they were together for about a year) and has moved out, about 3 weeks ago. Texting has picked up between us exponentially (obviously). You’d think as we are getting close again he’d become warmer but he really threw me off last night with how he only liked me a bit at the beginning of our relationship but it’s “all water under the bridge, now”. If I go by common sense, that says A LOT. But his actions say otherwise, no? Why would he come all this way, go out of his way to keep in constant contact with me and at one point tell me how excited he is to see me again (yes, just me – he had a whole different point of seeing our child again earlier in that convo) if he isn’t entertaining thoughts of us being a family?
If you feel like too much time has passed and I should just throw in the towel, I will. Or do you feel like like his actions (us connecting slowly over a year, him planning a trip to come and see us, breaking up with his gf and moving out) speak louder than his statement for not caring? Why would he say something like that? I’m so confused and now I have no idea how to conduct myself on this visit. Any thoughts?
bella
June 15, 2015 at 5:10 pm
I was with somebody for 4 years i have 2 year old with him and now 5months pregnant With his baby we were struggling. Alot i was the only one the work because he stay at home and babysit and cook while i work at a stripclub it was good money but once i stop working because my pregnancy we would argue alot because money problems he had a drug addiction and i had to provide for it. We lost our house and we move with his dad but i feel like he wasnt happy and one day a small argument turn into a big thing and he quick me out. Idk what to do i love him so much and every time my baby quicks i think of him i almost dream about him every day i feel depressed i really dont know what to do he text me come back home i miss yall but the next morning he acted like he didn’t say nothing…..
Sally
June 3, 2015 at 9:52 pm
Hi Chris,
My Boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We have a 4 year old together. We were supposed to get engaged this month – picked out the ring and all, but he said he didn’t see himself spending the rest of his life with me because I didn’t give him enough attention. We work opposite schedules where i work full time and then have our son alone during the time he’s working. I was also dealing with some medical issues for the last 4 months of our relationship which prevented me from being able to focus attention on him – I had hormonal imbalances, was tired, anxious, irritable. He knew this as I had been working with my doctor, but he said he just couldn’t wait any longer for me to get myself together and he left. He started seeing someone new IMMEDIATELY (she is 13 years older, has 2 kids and is going through a divorce) and has been rubbing it in my face that she gives him the time and attention that I never did. He has essentially chosen to spend more time in this new relationship than with his son. He has even tried to set up play dates with her children and our son, which I politely told him is not appropriate yet at this early stage as our son needs to adjust to the separation first. But every CHILD ONLY topic seems to turn (by him) into an argument or hurtful comment about our relationship in reference to his current “relationship”. I do want to make things work for our family and want to believe his actions are coming from a place pain and confusion, but it seems like all he wants is to see me in pain (power struggle crap). I’m not 100% sure, given that he is completely blind to his own mistakes in our relationship, that I SHOULD get back together with him, but I believe it is worth a try as I do love him and my son really misses his father. MY QUESTION: What’s the best way, during MC, to address his negative comments and questions in person? Just ignore? If it’s via text, I know I must (and can easily) ignore all communication not related to our son. But I am not sure how to come off as “happy” in person when he is throwing things about our relationship in my face. ADVICE IS MUCH APPRECIATED!
Chris Seiter
June 4, 2015 at 6:35 pm
I would just ignore anything about your relationship.
He may look at it as weird but don’t even acknowledge anything he says about your past relationship.
Nicole C.
June 1, 2015 at 7:41 am
Me and my ex have a 2 month old together and cant seem to get along. He says he is mad because i didnt move in with him and his family after having our son. After not contacting him and giving us both space to cool off after our HUGE argumetnt he called me a week after we broke up, he asked me what i was doing, and if i had a new boyfriend or if i was talking to a new guy, then he proceeded to ask about our son. After our breakup he said some hurtful things to me i took them personally… such as he only cares about our son and doesnt care about me,i was still sore after having our baby and taking care of our son alone i basically asked for help from him and he took that as i cant handle being a mom and wanted full custody of our son, he has said he doesnt want me back and doesnt care if i get in a new relationship. But the next day he flirts with me and tells me were not even broken up, he loves me, doesnt want to argue and misses me. Basically im confused and dont know what to do or think…should I move on? I dont have a car at the moment and he took our son to his doctors appointment and even took me to mine. He doesnt really act like he wants to be with me other than flirt and act like he is interested in my everyday life. Recently he got jealous when i brought up i was talking to a new guy. Im wondering on what should i do im so confused….Help!
International Love
May 27, 2015 at 10:17 pm
Hi Chris,
I found your website yesterday and I’ve been thinking about how to ask my question ever since. My situation is a bit unique, and I don’t think I could explain enough and have time to ask in 90 seconds or less on your option to send a podcast, so I’m hoping to get some advice out of the comment section here, because I am so clueless about where to go from here.
My child’s father lives in a different country, pretty much on the other side of the planet (I was living there on a working holiday and ended up pregnant and had to come home due to medical costs as I wasn’t a citizen). We broke up almost 5 years ago when I was pregnant, he was young and had no interest in being a father. We stayed in contact, but it was messy, we went back and forth and I was a mess for YEARS, and it ultimately led up to us having absolutely no contact for a whole year after the last blow-up from him changing his mind AGAIN from wanting to be with me.
I worked on myself through that year, went to school, got my drivers license, hit the gym doing weight training and cardio, got a job, and a car…basically everything you advise other ladies to do, and I feel like I’ve grown from a girl into a mother and a woman. Then I reached out after a year of NC (he tried, but I just didn’t feel ready), and we slowly started talking again through texts. Now, we talk just about every day, no flirting, but very candidly about everything else under the sun. It’s been about a year (I know the timeline is confusing since it’s years instead of months) And now we have a plan to meet up in a neutral city in a couple of months so he can visit with his kid for a week. I’m sure you can understand why I’m flipping out on the inside here.
Now, he lives with his girlfriend (we’ve been apart for years, I didn’t expect him to live a monk-like lifestyle, like I do), no she isn’t coming on this visit, and no I do not know how long they’ve been together (we don’t talk about that stuff). But where do I go from, from here? I want my family back together, I want my child to have their father around. How do I conduct myself during the week. And I’d love to know what’s possibly going through his mind through all of this, is he playing with the idea too you think? I feel like this has been a long-time coming and I don’t want to screw this opportunity up.
Any advise you can give me I’d appreciate so much, you have no idea. Thanks in advance!
gloria
May 23, 2015 at 3:42 pm
So I have a daughter who is 1. Her father and I have known each other for 3 years. We have been on and off. Just recently we got an apartment together which is great. But we are not together. Last week was ok. This week has been horrible! :'( I wouldn’t have sex with him because I was still living with my mother and I wanted to have privacy when we do have sex. So Sunday I had officially moved in. But I didn’t stay in the house because of reasons like there was no water and my daughter couldn’t take showers. And he was leaving, he had a few things to do.. So I left. I wanted to go back that night. I called him and sent him texts. I got no answer worrying about him. Finally the next day he responds. He tells me he has moved on and is with someone else. Now this person is someone he was with for a few months last year but broke up with and tried to make things work with me but also wanted her. Now mind u she ended up moving back to New York where she is originally from. Found out she was pregnant with my daughters father but ended up losing the babies, because there were two, (twins). Unfortunately. But she lied she was back and forth about her pregnancy with him. Saying that she was pregnant and wasn’t anymore then saying that she was pregnant then saying she wasn’t. And understandable, he was upset. But anyway now he is telling me now that we just moved in to our apartment that we just got very recently. So because I didn’t have sex with him last weekend he ended going to c her completely ignored my calls and texts knowing I wanted to go back home to be with him. He ended up having sex with her and made here his girlfriend. Now we r living in our apartment and it has been nothing but stress and heartache and tears. For me! And he keeps telling me that he’s leaving in three months. That he will come and visit his daughter.. Our plans before we got the apartment was to start fresh build a life together and raise our daughter together. And then c where our relationship would go for Us to get back together successfully and happy. Now I am completely worried and sad for my daughter. Thinking how is this going to affect her. Because even though she’s only one, she has a strong bond with her father. He has another daughter that is about 4 years old and lives in another state with her mother. And he barely sees her. The day before yesterday our daughter was very sick to the point where we had to bring her to the emergency room. We got along we were together and even though it was a sad moment to c our baby sick, we got along very well. But when we got home he went into a room to talk to his “girlfriend” and i felt very uncomfortable and sad and even lonely. I left the house and went for walk down the street. He came looking for me because he was worried and because it was very late. But when we were at the hospital it felt like We were a family there for each other. He held my hand. He even slept in the same bed as me and we spooned and held each other the whole night. It was sweet and warm and very comforting. Last night we argued and I threatened to keep his daughter from him. Because he was talking to his girlfriend and I could hear the conversation and him trying to be quiet so I wouldn’t hear and it made me very uncomfortable and angry. I cried all night. This morning the same thing.. He did not sleep with me in the same bed. He slept on the couch. I begged him to rethink about what he is doing and about moving away to a different state. And telling him it would be different if he would give it a chance now that we are living together. We would b working together in the business, raising our child together, doing everything for each other. I would start taking better care of myself. Doing and treating him better now that we r in our own place with our own privacy.. I just haven’t stopped crying. I can’t sleep or even eat right. I don’t know what to do. I am in so much pain. I want him back I want him to stay here and make it work and work through our differences. What do I do? I miss him sooo much :'(
Chris Seiter
June 2, 2015 at 2:06 am
I am thinking of redoing this article because it is kind of out of date and with my wife being pregnant I think I can add more insight into the discussion now.
toya
May 20, 2015 at 10:29 pm
My ex and I broke up about nine months ago. I really miss him a lot. He has a new friend/gf that he’s seeing and I think things are getting serious. He comes to visit our son on weekends but I don’t like the fact that he takes him to see and be around this new chic as if they’re a family. I would like for us to get ourselves together and make things right but he seems to be very interested in he. I don’t like the situation at all. Our relationship was not perfect but I was willing to work on things. Any suggestions?! Should I give up on this?
Chris Seiter
May 21, 2015 at 3:48 pm
How long has he been with the new girl?
Is it still relatively new?