How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

SavingPartyof5

May 18, 2015 at 9:05 pm

I totally forgot to mention that we did have an amazing marriage, one we were both very proud of. We were best friends, passionate & so much abundant love for each other & our kids (a big old love fest!) Then life & outside influences for in our way & we lost our connection but there’s still love. Even my H says he still loves me & he’s never said he’s not in love with me. I know we are meant to make it through this…this is not our end. Please tell me what to do & respond to my email so I can get the EBR Pro. Thank you!
SavingPartyof5

May 18, 2015 at 8:59 pm

Husband left me & 3 young kids 10wks ago
Married 13years, together 15years
Claimed he wasn’t happy for a long time…accused me of being terrible wife including accussing me of being unsupportive & controlling (these of which are not true…I have a hard time saying No to
My H & he knows this so I’ve always supported everything & if I’m supporting & I have a hard time saying No then how can I be controlling?)
After pleading, begging & promising to change. I did look at myself & realized some of the things he said were true so I got into therapy & have been working on myself. H notices the changes but he says why now? Why not before…before I didn’t know there were any problems. I know the past 3 years have been tumultuous (H was an alocohlic, 18mos sober now, H in severe car accident Sep14 followed by being laid off Dec14). We also have a special needs son, we discovered he has a genetic disorder 3yrs ago. I think the accident followed by job loss has caused my H to go into Midlife Crisis, depression or PTSD.
2 weeks into separation I discovered my H has OW since Jan’15. Then another OW came forward claiming she’s been involved with my H for 3yrs! I know how this all sounds but somehow I think we can work through this & form a renewed, stronger marriage.
I tried loving my H back with lots of attention, compliments & love emails but that didn’t work & he snapped at me 2 weeks ago.
Then I found your site & implemented MC, I stopped texts, calls & emails unless involving kids. It was working great & he called & texted up to 6x in 1 day. Then he snapped at me again & I took a stand & said that although I would like to be there for him & support him as long as he was choosing to end us & choosing to be with OW then I wouldn’t share any part of me with him. Including listening to all his complaints about life! After I told him that he’s stopped contacting me now unless it’s for the kids & he’s not asking to do anything with us & he wants solo visits (up til then we were still doing things together). Today we got into a “the future” talk when I asked about when he wanted to see the kids this week. He mentioned again doing solo visits & he talked about going forward splitting them for holidays. I couldn’t help it & I said I don’t BuyIt & I don’t believe it’s over. I said he’s choosing for all of us…the kids want us together & I don’t want to be a part-time parent. I said I wouldn’t go forward until we attend counseling.
So now what do I do…continue MC for 2 more weeks (already completed 2 weeks) or should I start over again? This whole thing is killing me & my kids!
I want to buy your ebook & I emailed you that I have kids.
Please, Please, Please help!
Jenna

May 18, 2015 at 12:47 am

MIND GAMES — WHAT TO DO WHEN HE MAKES IT SEEM OUR FAMILY CAN’T BE SAVED AND THE OBSTACLES ARE HUGE?

My husband and I have been separated for almost 4 years. We have not started the process to filed papers for divorce. We have a young child and it breaks my heart to hear her cry and have fits because she wants her family back together again and her old life back. She sees how well we get along. A couple times a year since the separation, he makes physical advances towards me, hugs passionately, kisses me, etc. — even in front of our daughter. When it gets to the point that we have sexual relations together, in a week he drifts away. This usually happens when he is fighting with one of his girlfriends, has nobody else, or he thinks that I am seeing someone. And this is confusing for me and our daughter.

ONE HUGE obstacle we face. He lost his temper greatly on day and I called the cops. I was granted by the judge a protection order from him for 13 months. He says that I am the only person who has ever called the cops on him. As in your articles, he does make it out to that he did no wrong and I ‘made it all up’. But around here they are not easy to come by and I was one of 9 women that year who was given an emergency protection order. Now, I know you are thinking — why would I ever want to get back with this man???? He has gone thru an extensive anger management therapy program and I can say he is a changed man. I too went through therapy and am in a healthy mind set. The problem is — he now uses guilt or freezes me out to control me.

THE SECOND HUGE OBSTACLE is his family. His mother is has funded close to 10s of thousands of dollars on him with lawyer fees and buying a place for him to live so he can pay her rent. She holds the purse strings and has told him she refuses for him to get back with me. My husband is afraid that he will have no-where to go if we do not work out once we get back together again. But he also is a man who does what he wants regardless of what this family thinks. He is also the ‘golden boy’ of the family. Meaning — whatever he want — they will go for. So if he wants it, then eventually they will warm up to me.

We do get along well and he even agrees that we have fun going out and doing things and spending time with our daughter, besides us having always having a great sexual relationship. He knows that I am willing and able to forgive and forget the past and start anew. When he makes & sweetheart sexual advances towards me I melt and he knows he has me.

It is hard to use the MC RULE when we see each other twice a week for her sports — I just sit a distance from him. This summer is the only window of opportunity that I won’t have to see him for 2 months. He does want to return her to me on Sunday afternoons now claiming that he has to be up early for work monday mornings. I have done that for the last 6 months, but I have just told him I will not do it any longer. (Tonight is the first night!) He is furious, making me feel guilty that I am inconveniencing his family or he could be laid-off… But the fact is, he doesn’t want me to have the extra time to myself so it is harder for me to date or meet someone else. And also, it restricts his access to me without him having to actually come to me on his own.

With all of this, how can I break the cycle to have him want to come back 100% ?
How can I make it seem like it is his decision?
I have read all your posts and nothing seems to fit my situation. Yes, after a few months he always makes a move on me or see how my feelings stand for him. I melt, tell him how deep my feelings are for him and I want us to work it out, and then he drifts. He even admits that he wants it, and but is afraid it just won’t work out because we separated once. I am doing something wrong…

Please help me save my family.
JN

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 7:11 pm

Well thats kind of what MC is.

You are allowed to talk to him during those events. IF he initiates

Kal

May 15, 2015 at 8:54 am

Hi
My ex broke up with me 3 days ago. He was u happy for about 2 weeks prior so I knew something was coming. He’s 22 and I’m 28, we have a son together who is 1. We have a lot of stresses and worries and at the moment we haven’t been having fun together. We are finally moving out of my parents house to our own place in 2 weeks… Although now just me and my son are moving there. My ex broke up with me, his words ‘I’m 22 and want my life back, I want to have fun and freedom and can’t make you happy’ so he packed and went to his friends house to stay. Obviously I’m left heart broken with a little one to look after, with a thousand things to pay out for as we are moving, with a job and a business to run. He didn’t see me cry as I waited until he left, we have only spoke. About our son through texting and he came to see him yesterday, so I saw him briefly for a few minutes, he didn’t even acknowledge me? He didn’t ask me if I was ok? I’m doing the NC rule, I’m hoping he will miss me and realise it was a mistake. But if he does miss me and want to get back together then how do I tell him how much he has hurt me without being argumentative? I don’t know yet if I can forgive him but when you love some one and miss them you don’t care about your self respect. He’s a cold person that seems to be good at switching off emotions… How do I break through that? I’m so lost at the moment.

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:36 pm

I think you are right to do NC.

Sima

April 29, 2015 at 1:11 am

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Lisa

April 11, 2015 at 3:18 pm

Hey I have children with my ex. Should I meet up with him to have a discussion or insist it should be via message or wait until he comes to visit the little ones? They’re very little so won’t understand anything that’s going on. If I was to meet up with him the children would have to be there anyway.
Jen

April 10, 2015 at 3:09 am

After 10 years together and a mostly happy marriage, my husband started having an affair 3 months ago, I found out 11 days ago (although obviously I knew deep down), he has been v unhappy for a while and I think he’s done so many amazing things ‘on paper’ but he hasn’t felt anything for a long time, it’s like he’s numb, I think he wants to crash and hit rock bottom so he knows a good feeling again. Anyway we have two children together and he’s moving out on Sunday, I’m heartbroken but im going to let him go and do whatever it is that he needs to do to find himself, IVE wished him happiness and I want him to do whatever he needs to. My plan is to start getting on with my life and IVE asked him that when he goes that he respects my wishes for MC, that all conversations remain friendly but that I don’t want to talk to him about anything but the kids. I’m going to find myself again, I was that untouchable girl, I’m going to be her again, my problem I think recently may be primal as when we got together we worked in a male dominated sales floor together, obviously as the only girl I always had a twinkle in my eye but let no one have me, my husband was crazy about me by the time I let him in and that is that, but now I run a photography business, volunteer with mums so my contact with men is absolutely minimal, so how do I show him im still that untouchable girl? I am thinking in my head that I love him unconditionally and need to allow him to breathe and have the space to hit rock bottom, I’m hoping MC. And no control over me will help that. But im just struggling with what to do after that? I also plan to start moving on with my life, although it scares me, I want him back so badly that im afraid to move on! Ha. Sounds stupid.
toni

April 9, 2015 at 8:18 pm

i need help i am so lost. me and my boyfriend been on and off since high school we are now 22 and recently reconnected and had an amazing start to a relationship…things got rocky and we ended up breaking up. WELL…we ended up getting back together and BAM!!! I’m pregnant… at first it was great then my stresses of an unplanned pregnancy pushed him away we fought all the time. now he is saying he does not want a relationship with me he wants to have a close bond and be fully about the baby. this man is the love of my life and the father of my baby i really need him back. what do i do, i really can’t force him to be with me but i really want to get him to realize we can come back together and make things work if we both want it. we both wanted our family together.
Erin M.

April 8, 2015 at 12:02 pm

Chris,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years then he moved off to another state for his mother. After a few months I followed, we lived together for 6 months then I learned I was pregnant! Since I knew my support system was back where I moved from–(not to mention becoming depressed!) I knew it was better to move back for the child birth.
As happy as I am here, my boyfriend was obviously hurt & angry at my decision and after 10months it only got worse in how he treated me. (Saying I love you verbally, but actions not matching) I eventually broke up with him & now he claims his heart was broken, he can never love again…yet he appears done with us.

He’s coming for a pre-planned visit in 2 weeks. The guy only does texting here & there about our daughter but it’s demanding. He does not treat me like a human being at this point. I’ve been doing NC w/ child acception for a week. Yet he comes in 2!

How must I conduct my behavior during the visit #1) understanding he hates me right now and #2) having not completed NC

Thank you~
Royally Effed Things Up

March 23, 2015 at 5:49 pm

I’m curious, is there ever a point where the NC (or MC, in my situation) would *not* be effective?

I’m going to try to summarize a very complex situation as best as I can, so bare with me…

My best friend and I started dating after 8 years, finally, and were married about a year and a half later. Everything was fantastic and then it just went to hell. We both made HUGE mistakes and decided we should divorce. In May of last year, we signed the papers and were waiting on the courts when my ex got into a relationship. I was unaware of this fact and as the divorce date neared, I realized we were making a huge mistake and told him how I felt. (More than a few times, oops.) He informed me of the relationship, but said that we might be able to work it out, but he was unsure. So, 6 months of back & forth (and more crying and begging) went by and just this past week, the divorce was finalized.

Now, our situation, as I said, is a bit complex. We do have a child together and we’ve pretty much been in each others lives, consistently, for the past 13 years. We decided to co-parent our child, keeping her used to as much ‘normal’ as we can manage. He says he wants to stay friends and that maybe we’ll get back to where we were, but it can’t be forced. We still half live together, but I’ve been having him stay elsewhere at nights when he isn’t here with our child and he sleeps on the couch when he is here. He’s still friendly, he doesn’t try and flaunt his relationship in my face, he still (very obviously) cares about me… so… What do I do?

I want him back, obviously, and I think we made a huge mistake.
How, though, when we’re always so close, do I make him miss me? Especially when he’s got a girlfriend now. I’m hardly threatened by her, but it definitely makes things more difficult.
Do I continue with MC while working on “me” & living my life (which is probably an obvious “duh!”) or do I break all (most) of the rules and remain friendly as best as I’m able while still living my life and working on me?

admin

March 24, 2015 at 9:08 pm

Yup!

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/when-not-to-use-the-no-contact-rule-on-your-ex-boyfriend/

Lizette

March 19, 2015 at 4:30 am

I am currently 5 months pregnant it’s my second child and my boyfriends first he’s 28 and has never been married im 31 and have been married w an 11 yr old son. We got pregnant really quickly not really a one night stand but it was within the first few dates. It’s a difficult situation but ultimately we both decided that we wanted to have it and we have been working on our relationship everything was going great. He moved in to start sooner then later getting used to living w each other and it was awesome for about two weeks. I have been really emotional and he was away a lot from work and I was sad a lot. He couldn’t handle it so he left and went back to his apartment he however did this while I was out of town and he told me via FaceTime. I found out that he’s been hanging out w his old girl friend that he swears is just a friend. Nonetheless he changed overnight will not call me text me talk to me or acknowledge me. What do I do? I want this to work and I love him. It’s his first child and ik he will regret this decision eventually.

admin

March 21, 2015 at 3:49 pm

He will regret his decision I think.

Umm… I would say that you can give the NC rule a whirl on him.

Shannon

March 18, 2015 at 2:03 pm

Ermm my ex and I have a 17month old daughter. We broke up after being together for nearly 3years when my daughter was 6/7months old.

The situation is slightly weird..he broke up with me and after saying some horrible things he then said sorry the following day but I couldn’t just forgive what he had said straight away, so I asked for space which sadly I never got. I ended up seeing other people while he still tried to get me back. But after awhile he gave up.
He is very active in his daughters life, but we try to get along but you know…

Anyway what I’m trying to say is I miss him, and I want my family back…I’ve grown up in a broken home but he hasn’t and I don’t wan that for my daughter. The only problem is the other day he told me he’s dating and this girl is older than me and just seems from what he says better than me. I really don’t know what to do…help lol
very hurt

March 17, 2015 at 9:34 pm

I needbhelp. So my now ex fiance broke up with me a week ago. In the meantime found another gal. We have a 4 and 6 year old together. Our relationship seemed amazing. We planned to be married by July 2015. We talked about going to another state and just doing it. On the morning that he left me he told me he lived me to the moon and back. The next day he told me he didnt. He wants our children to meet his new girlfriend. I live him and want to be back with him. Please help me

admin

March 18, 2015 at 9:14 pm

Sounds very mixed.

Have you met the new girlfriend?

verysadgal

March 17, 2015 at 8:20 pm

My partner (married for 4 years) left me 8 months ago for another woman. We have two children – 1 year and 3 years old. The other woman was married with two children as well. Her husband divorced her for adultery last November. I filed for divorce in January but it is not final. My partner is still in a relationship with this other woman. I do not want the divorce but my partner wants to follow through so there is a “legal binding custody agreement” regarding our boys….we have been heavily disagreeing about custody arrangements. I was solely blamed for the affair due to not being intimate enough or not meeting emotional needs. I was and am devastated. I made many changes about myself including therapy and medications. A lot of inner evaluations and feel I am a better person now. Since I found out about the affair going on up until even yesterday, I have begged and pleaded and graveled to save my family…8 solid months. My partner says this has simply pushed them away and now I have pushed them away for good bc we cannot talk without me putting pressure into getting back together. The relationship with the other woman is not as good as my partner had hoped but I think pride had kept them together. Now, have I screwed this up all together?? I have never used NC or MC and we have fought and hurt each other A LOT in the past 8 months but I just want my marriage and family back together. Please tell me that I have not messed up any possibility and give me some advice. My soon to be ex told me yesterday “I don’t know what the future will bring” and has said “I want to re-establish a friendship and build from there” in the recent past. I have stressed myself out over the past months so terribly bad….lost 60 pounds, hair falling out, not sleeping. Please give me some guidance!!!

admin

March 18, 2015 at 9:10 pm

Ok, I am going to tell you what I tell every woman who finds herself in your situation…

Taking care of yourself is priority number one.

Your ex doesn’t matter when your well being is in jeopordy.

I would do the no contact rule while you focus on yourself though.
verysadgal

March 19, 2015 at 1:51 pm

Do you mean minimal contact? We must have some contact because of our babies but we have had some meaningless conversations started by one or the other. Every time I pull away and try to not make any contact (like not checking on the kids while they are there or not making any contact at all), I am accused of not having interest in my children and am called a bad mother. I feel as if I am being jerked one way and then the other. If I make contact, I am bothering them but if I don’t make contact then I don’t care about my kids. I don’t understand if I am not wanted, why am I always being dragged back. This is another source of stress and anxiety for me. I constantly feel as though I am one second from a nervous breakdown. Why do you think this is being done??? I kinda feel like there is fear the new relationship won’t work out (bc they break up often and then my ex is nice to me until they get back together) and I am being kept as the back up plan but then on the other hand I feel as if there is no consideration for a reconciliation. I am frazzled.

Maydhen

March 15, 2015 at 8:47 am

My ex bf and I have a kid together. He has 2 kids from previous marriage, we broke up and our kid is 13 months old, he never saw our kid and said she can never have his name and told me he thinks it is best I should start fresh without any ties with him, I asked him was it for good and he told me I already told you , I kept asking the same question if it was to cut ties for good, but he never answered, it hurts because as a mom it is heartbreaking to realize the father of my kid don’t want any involvement with our child together and the thing is I will never ask him for any support. I guess my dilemma is I still love the guy and I can never accept what he said about our child together , what is really the best thing to do?

Maydhen

March 15, 2015 at 8:54 am

And I forgot to mention he told me he’s been actively dating trying to find a gf and has been fooling around with other women I thought that was a little insensitive and I realize it’s his way of telling me to back off and leave him alone for good despite having a kid together and now he has a new gf in his life, and I guess that was the reason why it was so easy for him to cut ties with the kid he never saw and never wishes to see
Maydhen

March 15, 2015 at 9:03 am

Also he said he do not want to be with me anymore and that he do not love me anymore I am always the first one who iniate contacts trying to get answer I already knew , it was not his fault because I couldn’t control myself to contact him because we got a kid together.
It was so difficult to accept that the person I truly love does not love me enough to fight for me, for our kid. And to make the matter worst is that I even beg him to acknowledge our child which he did not and unlike most women I choose not to seek legal help for child support or any of that. And the thing is he wanted to talk face to face to tell it to my face how he wish to not want to be involved in our child I asked him all I am waiting is to hear was that to cut ties for good? Because it would mean he truly does not care if 5 to 10 years from now my baby would start asking where is my dad.
I am still waiting till I hear those words so I can finally just let it all go
I honestly don’t know what to do at this point until I hear those words

nokukhanya

March 8, 2015 at 11:43 pm

Thank you so much u really helped me nd changed my attitude of thinking

admin

March 13, 2015 at 3:44 pm

You are welcome!

Anything else I can do to help you out?

kellie

March 7, 2015 at 4:38 pm

My baby’s father left me 3 months ago. I’ve been crying and begging the whole time. He says he never ever ever wants to be with me again but sometimes he says he needs to see a dramatic change. Sometimes he seems to enjoy my presence but he’s always eager to be away from me. I stopped talking to him a week ago and didn’t make eye contact with him or anything when he picked up our baby last night. Is it too late after all the shameless begging to win him back?

admin

March 8, 2015 at 2:41 pm

You wont ever get him back from a position of weakness.

Rather you need to work to get him back from a position of strength.

angel malloy

March 3, 2015 at 11:53 pm

My bf just said we need break for while then when we said break up and we have two children age 14 and 10. We been together for 15 years. I did a lot for him over years. When his family did help at all through the years. I still love him and still want him back.we break up a week now. It hurt it hell am not busy to gry him off my mind i wish was working right
i would be think about it. I just need some advice about it.

admin

March 5, 2015 at 8:28 pm

Go right into MC (since you have a child together.)

tiffany

March 3, 2015 at 8:01 pm

My ex and i slept together a few months ago when he came back in march from out of town i found out that he is engaged to this girl that he was also living out of town with we have 2 kids together ages 2 and 3 he claims he stills love me but i found out that he’s engaged he tells me he’s not going to marry her but all over social media everyone is congratulating them family and friends i love him will i ever get him back or is his denial just to hurt me
2 weeks postpartum

March 2, 2015 at 9:45 pm

Hello chris, my bf and I just broke up yesterday which was the day our new baby girl turned 2 weeks we would’ve been together for a year in April and throughout the entire relationship I have been trying to change as a person I have always been insecure and gave him an attitude sometimes for no reason he told me if my attitude did not change in a year he would leave me and yesterday he wanted to go out with his irresponsible younger cousin who I feel like influences him too much to drink and smoke instead of being an adult i got upset about him wanting to go out instead of staying in with me and our 2 week old baby, he responded that he is always with us and hasn’t went out with his friends or cousin since she’s been born, saying that I need to much attention which is kind of true because I have done nothing outside of our relationship and I don’t have many friends so I depend on him a lot, the next morning we fussed back n forth while getting the baby bathed and dress then he decided to pack his things and leave i was breastfeeding and crying my heart out while he was doing so I asked are we breaking up he said “if this is what it takes for you to learn your lesson yes” so I cried and cried until he finally left with his things later that night I noticed he deleted all photos of him and i on his Instagram and he texted me saying he didn’t want me to cry like that but it has to happen for me to be a better person, he wasn’t happy with the relationship and me acting the way I do, and the both of us need time and he has hope that we will get back together soon, what are your thoughts? i already broke the MC rule by talking about us getting back together but since then it’s been only about him seeing the baby and me asking did he have her babys r us gift card.. Do you think We can still get back together? Or should I just try to move on? Please respond and thank you.

admin

March 3, 2015 at 9:36 pm

I think you should read this article on how to appraoch the MC,

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/when-not-to-use-the-no-contact-rule-on-your-ex-boyfriend/

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828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”