How To Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have Children Together- The Complete Steps

828 thoughts on “Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together”

lonely

March 1, 2015 at 5:54 pm

My ex broke up with me 3 weeks back , everything was fine , I even forgave him for cheating on me last year November , everything seemed fine then all of a sudden he seemed distant . I asked him why , he said he needed a break as everything was hectic in his life . On that same day I found out he had other child turning 3 ours is 4. I was devastated and he comforted telling me he was afraid he loose me if I find out , that night I didn’t sleep thinking of our relationship and was willing to forgive that fact too as I love him and he is a good man . But also in that month I heard rumours that he was still seeing the same girl he cheated on me with but he denied everything , he still wanted space . I went to him 3days later and there I caught him and her in the bedroom , I asked her how long its been going on she said 1year 6 months , I just stood there in shock as I could see he wanted to be with her and bare in mind she is still in high school and he is 30 . He chose her , after the shock we spoke and said he has feelings for her and not for me , broke my heart . I’m trying not to see him but once in a while we talk but he always flirts and touches and kiss me , which confuses me to the point that I’m back at square one . Last Friday ihe came to drop the childs money and we started talking , he asked me if I miss him and I said yes and he said he misses me too , but just the way he looked at me was like he wanted to tell or ask me something , we chatted and laughed and when he left I felt good like there was hope . He told me something happened to him , he had a near death experience but the way he told me was like he was alone . The next day I found out by his mother that he wasn’t alone , she was with him , why did he lie again , does he want to spare my feelings ? He flirted again and that is why I felt good ,maybe because I hoped there is still a chance and I love him . I again became emotional but not infront of him , I always seem happy infront of him . I still love him and I know deep down he still wants me too , I’m just wondering does he want to pursue the relationship with the school girl , can it work out for them , should I let him go , my heart and mind is telling me two different things . I want to fight for him but also afraid he won’t come back .
kaela

February 28, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Hi, my fiance told me he didn’t want to be with me 4 days ago and moved out the next night. It all started with a stupid argument as usual. When he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore I said it back out of anger which I didn’t mean. I don’t want the relationship to end but he just doesn’t seem bothered about it. We agreed on a date for our wedding the night before the argument so I’m totally thrown back. I suffer from depression and I can understand I am quite snappy and hard to live with but this man is the love of my life and the father of my kids. When we are good we are amazing together but when we argue it spirals out of control I just don’t know if it’s worth even asking him to come back or will I just be hurting myself even more?
Innocentia

February 23, 2015 at 3:15 pm

I cheated on my boyfriend of five years. We have a son, he’s three years old. It all started when I was pregnant.I had so many troubles at home, I had to move in and out from my home. I remember I used to share all my hardships with my boyfriend and his family, but i only felt they didn’t really care about me,they only cared about their unborn child. OK I gave birth, I remember I didn’t have pads after labour, instead I would use cloths for my periods. My boyfriend wasn’t working,but I couldn’t understand, because to me it felt like that he was relaxed and taking everything slowly as long as for his son is taken care of.His both parents are working, so they are doing everything for his son. The hardships at home made me to move to my grandma at Tembisa. It was not easy. I stayed there but I would try in my effort to get money and visit him to Daveyton. I remember I would go there sometimes on my periods, not having pads,but using cloths,he would undress me,seeing the cloth,and have sex with me,watch me dress up,taking back the cloth.My son had everything, he had more than enough. He has quality throw away nappies, quality baby milk,quality clothes. He had absolutely enough. I remember after labour I had no clothes to fit me,but he never asked his parents to help me or maybe make a plan as a man.There was a time I got a job from pick n pay.I told him about the post his reply was that the job was for women. Imagine he was still choosey although I was suffering. Yes I applied they called me.There were guys there also seeking for employment, I was hurt.That’s when I started cheating for him,I was at Tembisa that time.I felt guilty went to him and confessed. Although I at first I thought I wanted to get over him and leave him.Now I was really fed up. I broke up with him,to agree on someones proposal. I did.I fell in love with the new guy, I even slept with him,but along the way I thought about my baby daddy so I couldn’t proceed with the relationship. I went back to him, he asked me,I told him everything about the relationship. He was very upset and he told me that he can’t be with me anymore. I cried begged him.Until I went back to the new boyfriend. While I was starting to accept the situation, he started calling me,telling me that he loves me,and misses me.So what do I do,I still love him we have a child together?
shililah

February 20, 2015 at 6:44 pm

where should i start me and my ex were HAPPY! we have been together since 2009 i was recently out of a relationship with a woman he was like a gift from god just for me i hadnt yet came across a man who could satify me mentally phiscally emotionallly until i met him. we started on our journey only for me to find out 3mths. later he was sleeping with some broad i confronted him about it he denied it she began playing on my ph. finally i decided to just answer her and see what it was she had to say she began to tell me how he and her are not just fuck friends excuse my language but he is in fact her man he bought her furniture and paid for her daughter daycare fees so on and so forth i was livid i called him to put her on three way so she can hear the way he spoke of her so she wouldnt think i was BSing and thats when things took a turn for the worst she got angry started yelling and he hung up i called him back so to tell him to come and get his things he begged me to talk to him i hung up about an hr later his things were bleached broken and on the front porch ready for pick up sorry call me crazy but he knew i didnt want to be hurt again i had just came out of a relationship where i had been cheated on one week went by of no contact with this jerk he sent flowers cards everything you could think of then he stopped completley for a week then the following week which is now week 3 since the incident he teams up with my bestfriend to speak with me i agree we went to dinner and hatched things out he told me everything and i told him i was hurt and i would just rather he had been honest with me from the gate and give me the option to decide whether i wanted to deal with his lying ass or not nevertheless we decided to get back together time past we were now in our 2nd yr of our relationship petty arguements here and there then but nothing detrimental i end up pregnant again we were HAPPY no problems then out of the blue i start getting tagged in old pics of him and the broad he cheated with on FB we argued he denied having contacted her or anything with her since the last incident then she showed up to my job at wells fargo while i was about 8mths pregnant taunting me saying oh looks like he did love you after all etc i confonted him again after work he denied any wrong doing i told him this time i dont see why a woman would continously taunt another woman for a man that hasnt had anything to do with her (according to him)since 2009 unless you guys are still involved he swore up and down on his life his mother’s life his unborn son’s life that she was crazy and just has nothing to do with her time at this point i became very suspicious and started to do a lil digging going threw his ph. checking his gmail acct. for any blocked calls NOTHING i asked his friends everyone swore up and down he was only loving me about two weeks later i wake up only to walk outside and find the back window of my maxima froken GLASS everywhere i was furious i demanded he take me to her because the shit has to stop this fool took me to an abandon house and says thats the last address he had for her i was sooooooo upset but now im pregnant about ready to pop so there wasnt much i could do he fixed my window and promised me baby i will pay for everything and i will deal with it im like NO SHIT SHERLOCK! ….. time passes i give birth we were a family love joy peace and everything in betweeen after my son was about 4mths old i take a trip to the wash house and i notice this girl is staring at me turns out its the girl who was pretty much stalking me little cousin she’s on the phone i assume calling her older cousin to tell her im at the wash house i immediately call my ex he doesnt answer it angers me because we had just got into an argument 30 mins before i left to the wash house and usually when we argue we both walk away to give each other time to cool down i assume this is why he wasnt answering i call two of my closets friends because i wasnt sure what this girl had in her mind the girl shows up and is like i been waiting on this day but im goin to spare you because your with your baby she leaves two mins later my friends show up i tell them to take my son because i’ve just about had enough of this BS with this girl and im not goin to let her itimidate me and i felt she was extremely disrespectful to even stop her day to come and harras me i go back inside and tell the littl cousin you called your cousin to come and fight me tell the bitch turn around and come get this ass whooping since it seems she hates me when im not the fuckin one he broke her heart sure enough the girl returned she returned laughing saying oh you ready to fight now i hit her immediateley we fought the fight ended with me dragging her and from onlookers trying to tear me of of her FINALLY my ex answers i bitch at him tell him i want nothing to do with him because this girl is a constant factor and i cant do it anymore he crys begs everything i leave our apartment with our son for a week he’s calling everyone looking for me finally i cave in and take him back but promised to not take him serious because i dont know what to believe him saying she’s crazy or the fact that no matter what she’s going to pop back up in our lives time passes i dont hear of her no taunts on FB no one’s seen her around she seems to have disappeared now i lose my job at wells fargo my son turns 2 and now me and my ex argue about everything MONEY how i spend my unemployment check why he stays out late why do i buy expensive things etc we slow down on sex i start going to the club things completly spiral out of control we start fusing in front of our son and i made the decision to call it quits he begged me to try and work on us i tell him no he asked for us to go to counseling i tell him no he begins following me when i go out with my friends and in one occasion actually tracks my ph to find me at tgi firdays with my friends and makes a big scene oh i dont have time for him im to busy having fun when in reality i just got tired tired of fighting tired of not trusting him just tired WE seperate for about a 1mth my ex contacts me and i get with her we continue and eventually my ex sees my shift in my att. towards hima nd starts accusing me of cheating on him while i was pregnant i DID not and i swear that on my life he starts trying lilttle things to make me made talking to other girls it bothers me but not to the extent he was hoping it would time passes and then i find out he’s talking to the girl again im livid i try not to show it but eventually he tries to rub it in my face i call him one night to tell him im taking our son to the hospital for a fever he tells me oh im on a date at TGI fridays i get upset and hang up he calls back i tell him nevrmind enjoy ur date he ask what hos. im at i tell him he shows up with the bitch me and him fight she laughs everything is a mess now but i still love him he’s with her hasnt contacted me what should i do does he still love me i been crying since feb.16 i lost my appetite everything seems pointless except the love i have for my son he’s all i have now im sad idk what to do or how to proceed police got involved because someone called DCF i believe it was the girl she’s evil like that but he wont talk to me or answer my calls i just wish all this could END

admin

February 22, 2015 at 4:14 pm

I think your priority has to be your child at this point…

Are you sure you want him back?

Reema

February 17, 2015 at 6:03 am

Boyfriend broke it off with me a month ago, saying he couldn’t take our fights anymore. After nine years of being together (with a kid) he just snapped, got really mad and decided, the hell with it! I recently found out he dated two women already after a month of breakup, and one of the girls, he has a “spark” with. When I found out, he decided to stop those relationships, if only to help ourselves get back on our feet without other people involved.

I seriously want to get back to a relationship but he says he doesn’t want to do it for now, and he is somewhat hoping that he can develop a relationship with rebound girl #2 in the future. Right now when we talked he is really serious about ending it and wants to stay friends with me. I made him choose about going on with the other girl or me completely walking out of his life but he said he couldn’t choose. All he wants is for him and I to be okay individually. I have a feeling he just wants me to move on first so I feel less guilty, so that he can make a move?

I’ve done the crying, begging, don’t leave me drama (which is bad, I know). Isn’t it too late to go into MC or NC phase and is it possible to still get him back?

admin

February 17, 2015 at 1:02 pm

No its very possible. You can go right into NC/MC (depending on your situation.)

chansz

February 17, 2015 at 12:55 am

Hello I am chansz and I was wandering what I had to do to get my child father back and get my family back to normal we were together five years and we were happy until I found out last year about a girl he was sleeping with on the side and I walked away with my son and then he left her and now he has been with someone new for five months every one say within time he will come back and that this is a rebound relationship I don’t want him to come back though if he isn’t ready mentally and emotionally to be a father and a partner so I am giving him time and space its been five months and he is hot and cold some days he texts and then he goes weeks with out calling texting or visiting what are my chances

admin

February 17, 2015 at 12:50 pm

Man… I hate cheating so I am sorry to hear this.

Have you been in NC these last five months?

chansz

February 17, 2015 at 12:52 am

my son father and I have been together five years almost six but last year I left him because there was another girl he was seeing that I found out about now he has someone new that he has been witht he past five months he is hot and cold with me ne minute he loves me another minute no calls texts or visit even for my son that we share together a lot of people are saying it is a rebound relationship I relly do want us to get back together but only if he is ready to be a father and a real man to me and our son so how do I go about getting him back or do I just wait for him to be ready and let him make all the first moves

admin

February 17, 2015 at 12:45 pm

Could you attempt some type of NC?

Gabriela

February 16, 2015 at 3:35 pm

Hi,
So my boyfriend and I have been together since 2008. We have a child together. Everything seemed fine; we talked about marriage and building a life together. To save money for a house we moved out of our apartment into his parent’s home. Well six months ago he got a promotion at his job where he is making double of what he was making before and around this time I found out that he was send flirty text messages to another woman. I was devastated. I asked him about it and he got very emotional stated that he feels lost and sometimes he wonders what it will like to be single. Overtime he became distant and began working twice as much. I decided I would just give him space that he asked for so I moved out and moved back in with my parents. He was very sad that we left.

He is hot and cold with me tho. One minute he says I need you, I love you, can’t live without you. He says he wants to do the right thing and spend more time with us and stop talking to that other woman. He says he is going through a phase that will end soon.

Currently we are living apart. He works 5-6 days a week 12hr shifts. When he is not working he hangs around friends, most of the time who encourages his single behavior. So I and my daughter may see him about once maybe twice/week. We have been back and forth about why he continues to talk to this other woman. Marriage does not come up anymore but he told me he wants to move to move to state and for us to come with him. I started limiting our communication to just talking about our little girl for about two weeks now and he started constantly calling and texting me. Well last night he came over and said that he does not like the person he is becoming. He told me he loves me but said he has not stop talking to that other women. I asked him was they sleeping together and he says he has never had a sexual relations with her; that they don’t have that type of relationship. He says that the other woman is crazy and that he is in the process of ending what they have. I asked him did he see himself with her or me and he said he doesn’t know where he sees himself. Then he asks if I’m sleeping with someone else or have been talking to other guys.
I really want to keep my family together. So I’m waiting it out but I feel like a fool hanging on knowing that he is involved with someone else. Any advice is appreciated.
nina

February 16, 2015 at 4:46 am

i am currently 21 weeks pregnant. my ex broke up with me before we knew. we were in the middel of trying to fix our relationship after he cheated on me… he came clean and told me but i was so hurt and devistated that he would ever do that to me… i eventually told him about the baby and he has been around trying to help me with getting ready for the baby. he comes to all the appointment and ultrasounds and has helped get my room and the nursery ready as well as for helping buy and collect all the necessary things for the baby. he checks up on me to see if im doing well, eating, and taking my prenatal vitamins. he is planning to be involved with the baby, and when we talk about how we should raise our child he always words it as if we are together or at least living together but has yet to make any references to actually getting back together the only time he has was when he said if he cant find a better job by the time i can go back to work after the delivery then he would join the military and marry me… he ha been working odd jobs and still going to school at the sametime. i do want to get back together because i do love and care for him still and i want my baby to have her father around.
Lilly

February 15, 2015 at 4:11 pm

Me and my now ex bf/baby father broke up last weekend. Things were really good in the beginning of the relationship. He made me really happy. One day we had an argument. I thought we was broken up because he hasn’t spoken to me or answered my calls and text for 2 weeks. I went to an ex bf house & while i was there things got to where he tried to rape me. When we finally spoke i told him & of course he was furious. At the time i told him to leave it alone because i didn’t want him to get in trouble for a mistake i made. He told me okay & we decided to work things out. Things were fine. We went out all the time, he took me wherever i wanted to go, he was with family during holidays, he was very protective of me and loved me as much as i loved him. He made my heart & stomach smile. Then he started changing. He started treating me bad, giving me attitude & was constantly accusing me or cheating. I knew it was because he felt guilty about something. I started to have dreams and gut feelings like he cheated. I kept asking over & over but he denied & made it seem like i was crazy. We argued here & there but no matter what we made up. We was inseparable & we did everything together. He was like my twin. I thought we was gonna be together for the rest of our lives because i thought he was right one for me. In 2013 we broke up again. But it wasn’t one of those times where we argue and we make up. We was sleeping over at my family member house. I had a dream again that he cheated. I asked him he denied it. He went to work & when i went to pick him up he told me he wanted space & i knew it was because he wanted to be with someone else.the next day i was calling him he wasnt answering. He text me later on that night apologizing but i was upset.. next day during his break at work i received a text from him saying he’s done with me & that he found someone else. He also admitted to cheating which he denied the whole time. He left two days before Christmas. After that he contacted me saying he made a mistake & he missed me. We were on & off because he was still talking to her. So one day we finally decided to settle down & we talked about having a baby. I was hesitant because i didn’t want him to leave while i was pregnant for another girl. And i didnt want to give him one if he wasn’t ready for a commitment or ready to be with one girl only. Told him im going to need him more then ever & that its a huge responsibility. So he reassured me he wasnt going nowhere & promised that he would never leave. When i.changed my mind about getting pregnant it was too late. In june 2014 he took me to the e.r & i found out i was pregnant. He was happy. He was there through all my appointments, being there at the e.r & everything. I stayed at his for 2 months. We was spending so much time together. He was with me & my son everyday, he went to work, came home to us & we cooked for each other every night. Then he came & stayed with me for almost 2 months. But he starrd changing again. He stopped taking me out & stopped telling me he love me, didn’t really wanna spend time with me or anything. From that moment i started crying cuz i knew he was leaving me again. Thursday, February 5th his uncle that he was really close to died. He calls me saying that he doesn’t want a relationship anymore & that he didn’t want to.be bothered with me or anyone else. He left 4 days before my due date to give birth. Next day i found out.he left for another girl again after i forgave him the first time. I went to the e.r & i had to stay because my blood pressure was high & they had to break my water because my placenta wasnt giving my son the.nutrients he needed. He barely was at the hospital & when he came, he stayed for a rew. I gave birth & he didn’t even show up. He calls late at night & didnt ask if i was ok but asked for a DNA test. He’s now denying our son we planned to have & we made living arrangements so we can raise him together but he left for someone else. He only saw my son twice & he was barely spending time with him. He doesn’t come see him & he calls once in a while to see if hes okay. Since our breakup ive been so sad. I miss him all the time, we was supposed to be a family. He made it seem like he wanted to be a family. We spent so much time together & this. I dont call or text him unless its about our son but its so hard because all i want to do is tell him i love him & want to be a family but i can’t because i dont think he loves me anymore. He rubs it in my face that he left & when I try to bring up what he did he avoids the subject. He keeps saying he’s still hurt from the things i did in the past , that it still bothers him & he claimed he left because of when i told him that i dont feel the same & he felt like he messed up & it was time for him to let go. He keep saying we need to be strong for our son. Does that mean he still love me We just can’t be together? I really love & miss him. I feel empty. Im trying to move on but i cant. What am i supposed to do?

admin

February 16, 2015 at 11:42 pm

he seems afraid of a commitment The baby being due probably freaked him out.

Jeana

February 8, 2015 at 5:24 pm

I’m 22 and my ex boyfriend is 27 and we were dating for almost a year. Like a month after he was stationed in a different state ,I found out I was 8 weeks pregnant. Soon after he started cheated and started a second relationship which I found out about around 3 months later and we broke up. He didn’t come around until the baby was born and now a year later he says he never stopped loving me and wants to have a relationship with me again. He never wanted me to meet his family or anything that was a part of his life until now. I’m getting the feeling that because my baby is his second kid that he’s just trying to work things out because Im the mother to his kid and he feels the need to settle with one of us. Is my daughter the glue to us working out? I want to be with someone who loves me for me, not because I birthed their child. How do I know if this is true or not? Obviously if I ask him, he’ll just lie about it.

admin

February 9, 2015 at 4:42 pm

You are not sure if you should take him back or not?

Well, I would say that if you truly believe his behavior won’t repeat itself then ok.

But I am not quite sold on that to be honest..

All that matters is whats best for you and the child…

Amanda

February 2, 2015 at 8:32 am

Well let’s just say think in my Shoes right now I’m 15 years old an pregnant with my x-fences baby just because he said something and I texted him back and what I said he took the complete wrong way which led to me clipping out and going absolutely crazy. I’m 15 I can’t take care of a baby and I don’t belive in abortion so idk what to do other then to either take both mine an the baby’s llife or to keep begging to have his stupid a** back. Really at this point I’m hurt clueless scared and so so lost but I do know adults day 15 year Olds don’t know love yet but i really do and I do love this man with all my heart and my soul enough to end my life for him if it was what makes him happy. Can any one help me out here?

admin

February 2, 2015 at 2:49 pm

Amanda…

First off, you should tell your parents about the pregnancy. They can help you.

Secondly, if you need professional help I can refer you to a few places.

Diane

January 29, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Hi there i dont know where to begin but i need some advice.i broke up with my bf of 4years we have a daughter and im pregnant..we always made up and now he just jumped into a rebound girlfriend.he said i was just a friend and he never loved me.so theyve been together for 3weeks now and almost everyday he cames over to get our kid and brags about how much he likes this girl and how shes in bed..i never answer him or even look at him i only engage in conversation if its about the kids.now im doing the MC rule.and he goes crazy..he keeps knocking at the door and wants to talk i close the door in his face then he follows me to the back door and says he wants to feel the baby.i never let him touch me..today he said he wanted to talk i just keep ignoring him and now he says im jelous and thats why im ignoring him and calls me childish he keep saying he never loved me and wants me back and i still ignore him..everyday has been tough but im not ready to talk i feel hurt..what is realy going on why does he go out of his way to get my attention when he doesnt love me and gets angry when i walk away..i love him so much butim not ready to even look at him after what has happend.its like he cant stand it that iv never begged him to come back will he come back?

admin

January 30, 2015 at 3:48 pm

You should take a look at my pregnant page? I wrote something specifically for women like you.

GIGIBYOUT

January 28, 2015 at 7:28 pm

So my ex left me and our kids to go be with another female. I have gotten my emotions together, and have become pretty distant but for the most part I’m not mean, ugly or nasty to him. I love him so I don’t want to be uncivil, I just hate that he’s putting his girlfriend over our children. He asked me for space so I have been giving him space for a month although it’s been a while since we initially broke up. His mom said that every time they speak to each other he asks about me and on occasion he has asked to speak with me. Two saturdays ago he came to watch our kids with his mom so I could go out with his sister. I was nice to him, happy, confident and kept a smile on my face. Once I was dressed with my new and improved look and ready to go he looked very bothered, I figured he and his girlfriend were having a disagreement. His mom and sister also noticed that he was bothered, he wouldn’t say why but said that I looked very stunning. I had no idea this was going on until the next day when his mom brought it up, but she added that he was “sick” that I was stunning and I was going out. Everyone thinks he misses me, but he won’t say he does. I also wonder if he thinks about coming back but I’m afraid to ask. I don’t know what he’s thinking because he doesn’t talk much around me, he just watches me. I know he loves me he tells me every now and then, I just want him to come back to our family and want to make things work.

admin

January 29, 2015 at 2:32 pm

Is he living with the other girl?
GIGIBYOUT

January 29, 2015 at 3:17 pm

He lives 20 mins from her but he does spend quite a bit of time at her house.

DisneyDarling

January 25, 2015 at 9:56 am

Hi Chris

Disneyland was fun and all but it was basically his way of getting me out of the way since it was the only place I told him I had to be there with our daughter for the first time. He bought a season pass for himself so he can take her all the time now. I feel crushed because Disneyland will never be a special place for me and my daughter and that was a big deal to me. I hate that I have to go through all of this. I feel like there is nothing special I can do with her now. He gets to be the happy go lucky disneyland dad and I get stuck being the stressed out single mother who gives her to other people every day I have her except for my one weekend a month. I don’t think there is any hope for him and I to be together. I tried to whisper something funny in his ear about the people in front of us on a ride and he wouldn’t give me his ear and I go close to tell him and he pulled away. I assume he thought I was gonna kiss him or something. I don’t know but it just tells me that we won’t happen. I don’t feel like there is any hope. I realize spending $50 a month on me for a pass is something he shouldn’t have to pay but at the same time, I am understanding that he does not find me worth it. I am without hope and as much as I would love for us to work, I think I really just need help moving on. I don’t know if you will respond to this since I don’t feel it qualifies as something you can give me advice on (since I feel there is no hope in getting him back). But maybe you have something to tell me… I don’t know.

admin

January 26, 2015 at 3:46 pm

Hi there,

I am really sorry about this.

I cant begin to imagine how you are feeling.

I can help you move on. I think you should just contact him about your daughter and thats it. Just be strictly business. It’s going to be hard but may be best for you in th eend.

Tiffany

January 23, 2015 at 8:08 pm

Hello Me an my ex boyfriend of 3years broke up because he was extremely selfish an inconsiderate he had a really hard life growing up such as no bday parties no christmas an not knowing how to treat ppl or have manners.. he was very good to me in the beginning an i was his first serious relationship it was hard sometimes cause he wasnt used to doing for others an being an actual bf.. i took that into consideration an try to show him what its like to have someone who cares for you so i celebrated his bday christmas an other holidays to show him i cared for him an did other small things for him and his family.. he never fully showed appreciation not saying thats y i did it but something in return now an then would have been nice je got me a beautiful diamond necklace an a promose ring once an thats it really..i told him how.i felt an he changed for a while an we ended up having a daughter but during my pregnancy he moved in with me but went back to his old ways he didnt help do anything.. he didnt help clean cook or pay for any thing for are daughter only me an my side of the family did. when she was born he gave me this big speech on how he was going to change but in the end i ended up being a single mom with the father in the house i cook clean take care of are daughter an pay for everything all on my own even though he makes 400 a week he just doesnt want to help at all he just wants to do for him an only does for me when he sees im about to break things off or im angry.. i eventually kicked him out cause im tired of being neglected an doing everything myself. we like to do different things an i always try to be fair when it comes to us as a couple but it always has to be his way or he shows no intrest. everytime i kick him out he begs to come back an.i let him.because i do love him an really want a family but this time i did your minimum no contact rule he would text me but if it wasnt about are daughter i wouldnt respond an he end up accusing me of having a bf an etc an i didnt respond because of no contact.. during the no contact i lost all my baby weight got in shape im working got a new car an everything.. he doesnt know this cause we dont talk.. i started to miss him an slipped up an logged into his facebook even though when we fight he always changes his fb password this time he didnt which is odd ..but i seen he has a gf he moved in with after only being broken up two months 🙁 i broke up with him cause i wanted him to realize he couldnt take advantage of my kindness an love an stop being selfish but it seems its back firing.. i contacted him after the no contact an he said its weird we havent talked in almost two months an i took that as he didnt want to talk an just left it at that i know he sounds like a horrible bf but i fell in love with him befor his true colors really started showing how do i make him realize that how he acts was hurtful an wrong an that he shouldnt have taken advantage of me an neglected me.. im really hurt that he has a new gf i cant even think about being with anyone else.. plus i have a one year old daughter so its harder for me to start dating not that i want to if we didnt work things out i would take time to myself anyway but im really heartbroken is this a lost cause should i just move on i love him so much an have tried to show him that i care about him but will not be used or taken advantage of but it seems like hes getting the joy out of it while im hurt an suffering even though i dont let him see it.. when he picks are daughter up in his new gfs car i always act like im goin somewhere when really im just keeping busy by working out an doing anything to keep me from breaking down Please help me im 21 an hes 25 dont know if the age matters

admin

January 26, 2015 at 2:24 pm

So, he wouldn’t help out around the house at all?
Tiffany

January 28, 2015 at 11:44 pm

He wouldnt do anything,every now an then he would but it was rare.. like he knew if he didnt do it i was

Monica

December 30, 2014 at 10:54 pm

Soooo my situation is different in that we don’t have a child together, but we have a dog together. He’s keeping her because I’ve moved back home with my parents temporarily – they have two cats and a dog – and she’s afraid of other animals. I’m trying to apply the MC rule to this, but he keeps on texting me about us while I keep texting him about the dog and ignoring his texts about us. I’m just a little afraid that he’s going to get mad and start ignoring me so I can’t see Gracie & simultaneously ruin our chances of getting back together. Should I text him once and tell him that I feel uncomfortable with it or should I just continue to simply ignore the texts? Thanks Chris.

admin

January 5, 2015 at 3:01 pm

You are allowed to talk about your child.
Monica

December 31, 2014 at 8:45 pm

I forgot to add that I was on day 4 of limited contact when he sent me that text!

DisneyDarling

December 30, 2014 at 12:21 am

Hi Chris!
Xmas went well. No sexual tension whatsoever but he was very sweet. Commented on how beautiful I looked in a picture, wouldn’t let me walk out in the dark to my garage alone, mentioned how nice it was for our daughter to have us both around, and made sure every girl he talks about is clarified as someone he’s not with (“my ex from forever ago”… “She is a friend of mine from work who is gay”). He felt guilty for not getting me a present so he was plan in a picnic for when he dropped the kid back off but it did not happen. He is however going to take us to Disneyland for the new year and said his mom will watch the baby while we ride. Sounds pretty promising right?
Well I thought so until I apologized for the past and said I was happy we are getting along. He responded with “how sweet, me too. It makes the baby happy to see us getting along”. Then he made some weird comment a out how “she can be from 2 seperate homes but not seperate hearts. Those belong to her”. I don’t know what the F that really means lol. The. He goes on to say that she is happy with us getting along and that is good enough for him.
So darn confused. I feel like he just wants to be best buds. I’m one of the dudes or something. Maybe he’ll be the maid of honor at my wedding! Lol but really… I gotta spend a magical day at Disney with a man who confuses the heck out of me. I gotta play it cool like the fonze… As if the fun time we’re gonna have means nothing to me. He’ll be all crazy about how wonderful it was and I’ll be stuck pretending like it didnt mean anything because I can’t for the life of me figure out what he’s about with me. He talks about how happy the kid is that we are getting along and I promise you the kid could care less lol. She’s happy either way. It’s him who’s happy… He’s not fooling me. But I am insanely frustrated. Why hang on to me for his emotional security and sleep with other women he could care less about? Is it possible for this gap between us to be bridged?
I want my family back but I don’t know if he can handle it. I feel I have everything going for me. I’ve done good with the no/minimal contact and improved myself and we are in a happy spot but where do I go from here? Just wait for something that may never be? He’s happy like this and I am not.
Ho hum…

admin

January 5, 2015 at 2:34 pm

I think this is progress I really do.

Sunshine

December 17, 2014 at 11:41 pm

Hello. 1st let me say that I think your site is AWESOME. I’m 32 years old and I wish I would’ve known this stuff years ago!

Right now, I am hoping to get my daughters father back. We were together for 5years and we have a 3 year old daughter. I broke up with him shortly after our daughter was born because he was drinking incessantly. He says he was drinking due to the stress of losing his job & dealing with a moody, pregnant girlfriend. I worked 60hours while being pregnant to support our home. I felt he was lazy because I would come home to him passed out on the sofa and the house stunk of smoke and liquor. He was drinking from sun up to sun down, he was in no position to help me with our daughter. So, we broke up and I moved in with my parents. We now live 3 hours apart. We have been broken up for over two years and he has not come to visit us since I moved out of state. He says it’s due to lack of money. He now works full time. He doesn’t send gifts, cards or money. His daughter doesn’t know who he is. It’s pretty sad.

Over the past couple months he has been calling me. He has expressed interests in us getting back together he says he still loves me. I still love him in spite of all that has happened and I am hopeful that he can be a good father. Well, we talk on the phone all day long (I work nights). Conversations are about how special our relationship used to be and about what a great team we were before he started the heavy drinking. He says he is doing better and is drinking less. We say how much we miss each other and talk openly about our feelings for one another and the hopes for our little family to be reunited. We talk constantly from 745am-445pm.
Well, I started to notice that he does NOT answer any of my calls or texts after 5pm, but he calls me first thing in the morning when he is on his way to work. I asked him if he was living with someone. He denied it a for weeks then finally he said “Yes I live with my girlfriend and her 3 children”
I was mortified and hurt. It hurt to know he is being a father to someone else’s children when his own child doesn’t know him. Nor does he send any form of child support.

What do I do? He literally calls me and wants to talk on the phone ALL day long. We laugh and joke and it feels so right! We talk about how great our sex life was and how we look forward to being together again. BUT it’s hard knowing he has a girlfriend. He said he cant break up with his girlfriend because he thinks that would be mean to her and besides feelings are involved. Also, he said he would get kicked out & would have no place to live.

Should I keep spending hours on the phone with him? I really loved the quote you posted in the above guide that said “You can always improve your situation. But you do so by facing it not by running away”. How do I face this situation and come out victorious? I attempted the MC and he called like a madman about 8-10times a day….. What should I do?

Sunshine

December 22, 2014 at 4:59 am

Hi… Well, our oonversations continue daily,but now they include him telling me about his relationship problems…I’m really uneasy about this, but I do my best to listen…. Any suggestons are appreciated! thanks

ShevyNova

December 16, 2014 at 2:04 am

Hello Chris…

not sure what the heck I’m doing right or wrong lol

I invited him to spend xmas eve and morning with us. He said that’s a great idea and he’ll get back to me. I am lost as to how to plan xmas if he doesn’t let me know soon enough. I canceled the invite last night and re-invited this morning and gave him a deadline. He said he’d let me know by the deadline. UGH!
He said his issue was the drive but I told him if he didn’t come for xmas eve that I would drive out to drop her off for xmas day… he’s still considering it… it’s been a fricken week! WTF! why take so long? Anyhow, I at least have less anxiety about it now because I have a plan with or without him.
I feel like I’m falling back into the ding dong trap… help me out! lol

Anyhow, something nice he did was change his plans. He was going to take her to Disneyland for Xmas but we agreed last year that she couldn’t go for the first time without me. It has been my only restriction. I was upset and vented a little but not blow up and let him know I accepted it. He didn’t get upset with me and changed his plans. I thought that was nice. I like being in this friendly zone with him so much better than the angry one as I’m sure Disney would have then been an intentional slap in the face… I suppose he’ll do it to me next month when child support starts kicking in 🙁

I’m just not sure I can be patient for this… it’s really hard. I’ll keep working on it but it would be easier if I had dates. I have school so no time for dates… but I pretended to be going on one when he came to pick her up the other day. I looked nice and done up and got in my car and drove around the block lol… I don’t think he cared or noticed but who knows
Is it possible that he really doesn’t give a crap?
He acts mostly like he doesn’t
The only things I think I might have going for me is -the teensy bit of jealousy he showed a year ago -how he stayed mat at me for months when I would’t talk to him even though he had no inturruptions in visits with the kid -he told me he cares about me (once when we were fighting) and acts like it as long as we are getting along -and not sure where this fits in, but he makes an effort to avoid me being jealous sometimes (ex: “That’s just a girl I work with” but I didn’t even ask)
Other than those stupid little tidbits, I get nothing- He’s a driod… are these all “just friend” things that I’m overanalyzing to mean what I want them to? Do I even want them to mean anything? Is my desire for my kid to have an intact family worth this torture? I was perfectly happy hating him and now he’s being nice to me… Does this torture him as much as it tortures me? He is mad at me when I ignore him whereas I’m happy lol -but when he’s happy and nice to me, I hate it! (it’s very confusing and I can’t stop thinking about “working on it”)
I know… patience… not my virtue

I’m not worried about him finding another woman because he doesn’t seem to work like that. He just looks for women to sleep with… and maybe that’s all he can handle.

I was happier when I thought I would never feel for him again- I think I have to let this go… obviously he can have me if he wants me cuz I’m still able to reignite all of this stupidity

I don’t think I’m smart enough to play this game… I hope he doesn’t come over for xmas. I want to stop feeling like this

ShevyNova

December 18, 2014 at 4:58 am

Ok… So he said yes to spending the night Xmas eve. I’m not expecting anything exciting lol. He’s slept over numerous times (not in the last year and a half) and we haven’t done anything for 3.5 years, since I got pregnant.
Anyhow, it was funny cuz I didnt know how to respond to his accepting to come over so I didn’t. I had a response for rejection. Not acceptance. Anyway, he sent me a text 40 mins later asking some bizarre question about an email I supposedly sent him. I don’t know if he made it up or he got a spam but it wasn’t sent from my email. We texted for a bit. He’s excited to do te Santa/stocking thing with the lil one. I’m glad he’s coming. Just hoping I can keep playing it cool.
Now I can plan out the Xmas thing. Hoping it will be nice. 🙂
Any tips to keep me on the right track or signs to look for to throw in the towel are much appreciated. 🙂

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