How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Speak To You- Get Him Talking Again

1,518 thoughts on “Making Your Ex Boyfriend Speak To You Again”

Kendall

January 31, 2016 at 4:14 pm

Hi. On Wedneadsy, my boyfriend of eight months and I decided to take a break. He is a senior and has been really stressed out about going to college and figuring out what he wants to do with his life and we both agreed the pressure was starting to make him not put as much effort into our relationship and that he is not ready right now. We did make it clear that it was just a break, but it could turn into more than that. I started NC for 30 days three days ago, but we go to the same school and church so I still have to see him. I just want to know if I am on the right track and what would be good to do after NC is over.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 7:43 am

Hi Kendall,

We can’t recommend that Nc will surely work things out. Most of the time, couples use it because they can’t communicate properly. Since it seems like you’re in good terms after the breakup,and if you’re using nc to attract him back, what you can do is keep your distance as much as possible and be civil. Don’t be rude. Don’t approach him to talk about the relationship and your feelings.

Kia

January 31, 2016 at 1:35 pm

Hello my name is kia and my boyfriend for over 8 years caught me messing around with another guy on social media…..i felt really bad about it because he found out that way….i was down for a couple of days..until i remembered how this all started…prior to me cheating..i would found numerous amounts of condoms in our homes and in our vehicle…so to cover up my pain and to keep the relationship going..cause i didn’t want us to end…i started doing my own thing…in a sense of not feeling and investigating what he really was doing behind my back..i know there wouldn’t be a relationship for us anymore because both sides of trust is destroyed ..but i do want my bestfriend back….i miss his smile and us laughing and geeking with each other..the relationship on the hand was on the rocks…i wasn’t happy anymore..for different reasons….i want to reach out to him but I’m afraid that he won’t reach back…do You think Its any chance he will be my best friend again??

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2016 at 5:34 am

Hi Kia

Yeah. But it will take time because both of you have to work for each others trust. But if you really want it, you’ll get it. Talk to him calmly about what really happened on your end in a way that you’re not blaming him but just explaining why things have gone this way.

chacxii

January 29, 2016 at 2:41 am

Chris,

My boyfriend and I just broke up a few days ago but I cant help it.
I feel like im dying everyday.. it breaks my heart. Its like he’s not interested with me anymore..
After all the years we had together. Happy moments. Its like he just dumped that memories we had..
He was my first boyfriend.

We broke up because I caught him cheating on me thru FB.
I always saw that he’s always searching for that only one girl. I feel like he really like her so badly.
Everytime I told him to stop doing it, he just nodded and promise that he will never search that girl again..
But maybe a month after, he started searching that girl again on fb, I caught him again..
Stalking on that girls profile. We argue, then he said that maybe his FB was just a little bit log that’s why.
And he’s always denying it. He said that it was not him who’s searching it, he said that he didn’t know..
I said that what’s that? An automatic search on FB?! What the heck!
Then forgave him again..

Maybe that’s why he changed a lot.
His behavior, his affection with me.. it made me crazy.
Then, one time I got the chance to borrow his phone. I immediately go to his messenger.
Then I saw that he message this girl with a “hello”
I told him whats the meening of that.
He lied again and said that he don’t know.

Then I gave him our promise ring and then walk out.
He texted me he said “im sorry, I admit it, I chat her, but that’s all. Can you give me another chance?
I will not do this again, im sorry.

Then, I said why did you do this to me?
He said he didn’t know, he made a mistake and he’s sorry.
Then I said I hope you think that you have nieces too, they were also a girl. It is very painful to be cheated.
It hurts a lot, really. You really hurt me..
Then he replied don’t mention my nieces here! Its our problem, don’t involve my nieces here!
Then I said im sorry, I was just hurt that’s why I said that..
I apologize him so many times..
Then he never response..

Everytime we argue, I always make a move on saying sorry.. apologizing..

What should I do?
Should I make a move again first?
Or should I wait for him?
But I think he will never make a move.
Because I think that he will chat the girl again, and he will never mind me anymore.
What should I do?
I really love this man?
Please response, I really need this.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 1:41 pm

HI chacxii,

So, technically they’re not together yet? And you’re not broken up. Hmm.. I think for now. YOu don’t have to do nc. But you have to stop nagging him coz it will push him further away. Truth is, he’s losing attraction to you that’s why he’s looking at other girls. You said you’ve been years together, so that’s normal. It’s a phase but the good news is you can raise it. I think you should check this post. Twice as Attractive in Two Weeks

elle

January 28, 2016 at 8:32 am

hello! i dont speak very fluent english but i will do my best.
i have been in a relationship almost 7 months with a guy and i really have been taken on him .
we are in the same neighborhood a couple of houses away, it is really difficult to skip each other because our houses are too closed. i had an argument a week before and he send me a tekst to not write him again. we had a little talk e.g he told me to move the car because i had parked it bad and smb could touch it or so. then he told me to not talk to him for a period of time because he is too stressed with his works. I am thinking to not write to him for a couple of days until he calms down and have his issues solved. i wonder if letting him some space makes him forget about me,or he thinks i am not there to help him in difficult times. thats what i am afraid of. .
best regards

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2016 at 8:46 am

Hi Elle,

If you actually give him space, it’s like just being respective of what he wants. Because he mentioned it himself, he doesn’t want to talk yet. So, if you’re not having a proper communication, wouldn’t going silent help more?

Christine

January 3, 2016 at 5:20 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for 7 months. He lives 2 hours away so we only see each other once a week. Talking on the phone and texting was very important to me to keep the relationship going. He ended up breaking up with me a week ago after a minor argument, saying his heart wasn’t in it anymore and he’s too old to have arguments once a week! He was the one that pursued the long distance relationship when I wasn’t interested and declared his love for me early on! Now I feel like once he got me hooked he just ends it…I’m very hurt! He has a lot going on in his life, failing eyesight, financial problems, staying with his sister who has 3 kids! I know he’s stressed out to the max and I really love him and want to be there for him. What is my next step? Moving to his town is not an option at this time…he told me that if I lived in his town it was a no brainer we’d be together! Please help…I truly love him and want to help him through these difficult times in his life! Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2016 at 9:17 am

hi Christine,

If he’s overwhelmed, then definitely give him space. With what you say is going on in his life, it seems like he acted out of frustration and stress. If you can’t move there, can’t he move near yours? If not, the best you can do, once you get back together, is be the one to stop first when your conversations are heading to arguments. but first of course, work on getting back in track with him

Sandra

January 1, 2016 at 12:44 am

Hi Chris,

I dated a guy for a few weeks — yes, a very short time but I had been through a tough breakup of a long-term relationship just a couple months prior. I wasn’t really ready to get back out there, but I met this new guy and was really taken. We spent a lot of time together, and I liked him but was holding back a lot. We were sleeping together, but he wanted to do more intimate couple-y things like hand-holding in public, etc. Needless to say, he ended it with me because he was looking for something more serious and romantic than what I was giving him/allowing to develop. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I feel like I am ready now, though it’s only been a couple of weeks since he broke it off. I reached out to him to get together to talk, hoping I could explain and share my feelings about why I held back/what I really want despite my previous actions. He let me know that he made up his mind and that he’s just looking for something else. Obviously, I’m going to stop contacting him, but I’m wondering if there’s hope for us to one day reconnect. He knew about my breakup, and he mentioned that our timing was just off. We live in the same neighborhood, too, and I know it’s only a matter of time before I see him out and about. He’s a great guy, and I can’t help but wonder what could have been. Do you have any insight that could help?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2016 at 9:54 am

Hi Sandra,

Start over. If you bump into him smile, if you have his number send test texts. Start as friends and work your way to attracting him again

Kazia

December 24, 2015 at 9:35 pm

Hi,
My situation is a little bit messy. We broke up about three months ago after a very long time of having no problems together! We even planned on getting married and everything. We got into a very bad argument and I definitely said some things I shouldn’t have. I said something that upset him very much and we didn’t talk for a week after that. (Which was very unusual for us, we talked everyday without fail for the entire time we dated). After that, he was never the same and he broke up with me about a month later. He told me I had hurt him too much and that he still cared for me but he no longer loved me. I haven’t contacted him for two months at all and I wonder if we can re-kindle things now that some time has passed and we’ve both had time to heal. Should I try and contact him again? And what should I say?
Chris

December 18, 2015 at 3:59 pm

My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago the only problem is he is leaving for active duty in less than three weeks and I’d like to see him before he leaves so I can’t do the no contacts thing. I’m not having much luck with the contacting thing. He blocked me off fb the day he broke up with me and wouldn’t tel me why and unfollowed me of instagram a few days ago. He went from caring so much to acting like he hates me or something. Just heartless. He seems to be mindful and caring of my son still but that’s it. how can I get him to see me one last time? Please help ASAP!!!! He leaves 1/5/2016 but he also works a lot. 🙁
Madi

December 15, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Hi Chris,
So, my boyfriend and I met in college and we dated for a few years but he started getting distant and I could have been a lot more understanding of his situation (long distance) so we came to a “mutual” breakup. We texted a few times after that but now we haven’t talked in over a year. I’ve texted him a few times, like to congratulate him on graduating, but he doesn’t seem interested in talking at all. He started dating a new girl about a year ago and I know that no girl wants her boyfriend talking to his ex but how can I get him to at least have one conversation?
Ella

December 8, 2015 at 7:09 pm

Hi Chris,
I have a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend or (ex) for nearly 3 months now. We have only met 3 times spending whole weekends together. We even went away on one occasion. We seem to get along so well when we are together and things have improved nicely from when we first met 5 months ago. He is in the process of divorce (his wife cheated on him) and have been separated for 2 years.
My issue with him is his social life, but mostly when he disappears at least once a week and he turns his phone completely off, giving the excuse that he was out with friends (which i have no problem with) and his phone died on him. The next day he would contact me via whastapp always, we never have phone conversations, and he expect me to be just fine. One day i went mad at him while i was away, and we stopped talking for nearly 3 weeks (he tried to cool things off, but i was even more upset because he didn’t initiated a contact with me immediately to calm me down). After 2 weeks i contacted him to ask him if we can talk, and he agreed and we decided to give it a go because we concluded that it was a misunderstanding. He was supposed to visit me this weekend, and he disappeared one evening this week (and before that the whole weekend he didn’t contact me) and on monday as if nothing happened. I completely lost it and sent him a test saying i can’t deal with his disappearances anymore, he asked me to calm down and that we should get into this argument again, but i then escalated the situation by calling him a cheat and a liar. In between those 2 weeks, we were more than great, always n touch when he was away and when he was sick, he even told me that all he wants is to be with me.
He cancelled his trip for this weekend saying he is angry with me and doesn’t want to see me right now. I was supposed to meet him this week for 4 days, and i have booked tickets for us to attend a concert. I will still be going but will not be in touch with him.
I just want to win him back. Is there hope?

Ella

December 8, 2015 at 7:11 pm

*that we shouldn’t get into this argument again

Heather

December 1, 2015 at 4:08 am

My boyfriend and I just broke up, I think. He never really came right out and said he didn’t want to be with me anymore. It started with a text from his needy ex asking him for something she very well could have done herself (I can explain later). I became upset as it was a day we had planned on spending together without kiddos, just me and him. He left earlier than planned because he became upset over how I reacted. Then the next day when he finally answered his phone, he told me he didn’t like how I doubted his character as a man because of bad past experiences I have endured. He said he was done with it and that he was very angry with me. I tried to explain myself to him and I apologized for expressing my feelings the wrong way. He told me he was very upset and just wanted to go to bed and think about some things, and that he would call me in the morning. He did not call and I have yet to hear from him. Of course I want to text/call him like a crazed maniac, but I haven’t given in, yet. It’s been 3 days. Any advice?
Aurelia

November 30, 2015 at 10:12 pm

Hi. I’m in somewhat of a strange situation…

My best friend of nine years and I had a huge falling out in the summer of last year after admitting our love for each other over email while he was out of the country. This falling out was not because we did not get along or because we did not want a romantic relationship, but because his parents decided that, as a sixteen and seventeen-year-old, we were obviously not trustworthy and should not be allowed to have private email discussions. The situation escalated to the point where his parents and mine were the ones talking, not he and I, and his parents insinuated a lot of very offensive and untrue things about my character and my parents’ behavior. After over a month of back-and-forth, my father cut off all communication and asked my friend’s family to not contact either me or my mother. Since he was on vacation when this all went down, I never even got to see him in person to talk things through or to gain any kind of closure for the situation.

We are now both eighteen years of age, and I have moved halfway across the continent to go to college. Three months ago, I texted him casually for the first time after having no contact for a year, asking him how he had been. The next day, he replied by asking me not to contact him again until my parents have talked to his. Realistically, I cannot ask my parents to do this. They were close friends with his parents, and still feel incredibly betrayed by their words, and I don’t want to subject them to any more pain. They have also made it clear to me that they see no problem with my attempts to rekindle some kind of amicable relationship with him, as long as I am actually talking to him and not his parents.

At this point, I’m not really sure what to do. He is always on my mind, and I miss him terribly. While I’m not terribly sure that a romantic relationship between the two of us would be healthy at this point, I really want to at least be able to talk to him again. I figured this would be as good a place as any to ask for help since, while we never officially were in a relationship past that of close friends, romantic emotions played a large role in our friendship. Please, may I have some advice on how to handle this? Is it really time to just give up on ever speaking to him again, even if only to gain closure?
Nell

November 28, 2015 at 7:23 pm

Hi Chris, I was dating someone for 7 years and it seemed like he was never going to take the relationship serious, one night i asked him did he love me, his response was yes I told him he couldn’t possibly love me because if he did he wouldn’t hurt me the way he does I told him that he knew I wanted a serious relationship and if he loved me he would either give me a relationship or leave me alone..well the next day he gave me a huge hug and left I haven’t heard from him in five months I haven’t tried to reach out to him either and we haven’t blocked each other from social media. I’ m so overwhelmed with hurt I don’t know what to do.. I can’t even imagine being with someone else I haven’t dated no one at all..I love him so much.. Since then I have lost 30 pounds and gotten myself together in so many ways not for him but because I needed to. I’m in a good place right now but I miss him so much I can’t stand it. What’s your advise.

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 5:20 am

Your going to have to post pictures of the new you on Facebook!! Use small amounts of jealously to get his attention. 7 years is a long time. Was there any talk about marriage?

Sam

November 28, 2015 at 11:26 am

Hi Chris
I’m from the uk, so I’m not sure if us blighty’s think in a different way with regard to relationships. But I’ve been reading your website and it’s really helped me. I’ve also bought the ex boyfriend recovery program.
Anyway, I had an awful experience of rejection about 5 wks ago. We were going out for about 3 months. I had like this guy for a long time and naively thought he was amazing and I seemed to adore him. We started hanging out, but mainly at his house. He didn’t wine and dine me and seemed to chase him alot and made lovely dinners. I thought he was so handsome and above my league, I made myself ill and clingy. He became so distant and started ignoring me. Anyway, I did no contact for 1 month…an achievement! I text him the other day and said I have a confession to make. He texted me surprisingly the next night saying….what is this confession then? I left it about 3 hours because I was busy. Then suddenly I wasn’t sure what to put. Mind went blank or I started panicking. I said….do you remember. Then I put…oh it doesn’t matter. It’s just I had a meal with a friend the other evening and you popped into my head. I then said…anyway, I’ve got an early start in the morning. Night. I don’t know if that sounds ridiculous or what?! But I haven’t heard anything since. It’s only been a day I suppose. The thing is, yes he was obviously curious. But he knew I had depression from being abused in my last long term relationship. But he hasn’t once asked how I am. I do think he’s a player and a complete closed booked, for which he admitted. He hurt me very badly and wasn’t very affectionate. So what am I worry about really. He’s not worth it. I just thought he would of text back something. Sorry for the long essay lol. Thank you. Any advice would help
Leah

November 22, 2015 at 4:01 pm

Hi,

My guy was not my boyfriend, he was my bestfriend and the lines got blurred when we realized that we had feelings for each other. There was another girl on the scene and he told me he was in love with me and wanted his future to be with me. I met his family and we discussed the future. I became pregnant and as we are from different countries, we agreed that we would meet in America before the birth so we could be together and have the baby. I lost the baby and struggled to cope, he wasn’t there for me but I forgave him for that cause he was struggling too. He kept telling me he was still in love with me, then one day he texted me and told me never to contact him again. That he was going to be with the other girl. I tried to ask what had changed, why he was going to be with her when he told me that he didn’t love her and didn’t want to be with her.
I didn’t leave him alone because he had photos of the pregnancy that I wanted back and he took nearly 4 weeks to email them back to me. He last messaged me yesterday, he was very angry, he had deleted the photos and told me never to talk to him again and said that we would never have a friendship either. Regarding why his feelings changed he said he doesn’t have to explain himself to me.
My question is, considering I had bugged him for about a month with calls and texts and emails asking for the photos and why he has suddenly changed his tune, is it too late for the no contact rule to work for me?

I am in America no and will be returning to where he lives in about 8 months. If I don’t contact him during this time, do you think he would be open to talking to me again?
Marie

November 18, 2015 at 2:06 am

My ex and I were on and off for almost 2 years. He keeps getting mad at me over petty stuff then stops talking to me. We haven’t spoken at all for almost 4 months now. How do I get him to speak to me again. I don’t feel right reaching out to him first because I think he will ignore me or respond with something nasty. Is there a way to get him to start talking to me first? Thanks

Chris Seiter

November 19, 2015 at 5:12 am

Ah you will have to reach out to him first most likely. 4 months is a long time. You really only want to go 30 days, 45 max. Text him tomorrow after you read my post on text messages.

Brittney

November 16, 2015 at 8:12 pm

Chris, im in the worst of the worst situation. My ex no longer wants to talk to me. To make it short, we had our share of our “relationship rollercoaster” and we both made mistakes. I’ve said things I didnt mean. And I think that’s what pushed him over the edge. Last year we broke up cause he had too much going on. This year we started talking again in march. But it was simple “how are you” and “what you up to?” Between march and July things were fine with us. He initiated wanting to “try” again which I agreed but the next week, he decided he wanted to move out west. He did for less than a month and came back. I didnt speak to him again until last October and things were fine then too. Until he said he wanted to “try” again. Well that only lasted day. And of course I got upset again. I analyzed and over thought everything. Went off on him after thinking the irrational reasons to why he would go back and forth. He said he was over it and couldn’t do it anymore. A couple weeks later, I text him again and we end up arguing while he visits his brother. Well I quit texting him to calm down. Last I spoke to him was 4 days ago and texted him today. I apologized and said how disrespectful it was for me to argue with him while he was at his brothers and he told me to stop. I told him I was just apologizing and he said that he accepts my apology but he cant keep up with my mood swings and asked to respect his wishes and to never speak to him again. I asked ” forever?” And he said “yes”. I dont know what to do at this point. I am desperate for your help. Im such an emotional wreck. Do they ever come back, even if its years from now? I thought about just telling him happy birthday next August and see what happens but I have a feeling he will ignore me. He has me blocked on everything now. I know that between now and then all I can do is improve myself physically, mentally, and emotionally but no hopes of him even talking to me again. What can I do? I feel like he’s “dead to me” now. I’ve ruined everything. And im heart broken. Contacting him at all would be harassment at this point. Please help me, Chris? I need advice or guidance or something. I cant even explain how heartbreaking this is. Hes important. Please help me. Youre the only hope I have now.
Thank you, Brittney
Kait

November 11, 2015 at 10:42 am

Hi Chris, I know you get thousands of messages like this, but I really need some advice. I think I’ve completely blown my chances of ever getting my ex back, even if I do follow your guides/advice. Basically we’ve been on and off for over a year now and we argue a lot, he never apologises after arguments and will just ignore me for the rest of the day or even for a day+ where as I’ll apologise most of the time regardless and I hate being ignored, especially by him, and then when he does speak to me he just acts normal again or sometimes he’ll say things like ‘going to be a normal gf or still an angry troll’ I admit when we argue at times I can say some really horrible and unforgivable things, but so has he. He’s said many times over the past months that he doesn’t love me and hasnt wanted to be with me for months now. It’s mostly him who breaks up with me, I’ve only ever broken up with him I’ve but I didn’t mean it. He’s also said that he’s only taken me back because I made him or wouldn’t leave him alone. Now last week we had a huge fight on Sunday and things got so bad and again he said were over and that he doesn’t love me anymore and that once I leave his house I won’t be setting foot in there ever again. Things got broken and he got angry and pushed me but I replaced the broken things and got them sent to his house. He text me after the break up saying he got the items but he can’t accept them knowing how he feels about us and that he sees no future for us and doesn’t see us ever working. I tried to do no contact but failed on day 3 🙁 and text him back saying ‘Hey, I was just thinking about the first time we went to the cinema together to see Jurassic World, it was so good. I am glad we did that.’ But because he didn’t reply I turned into a text gnat and then said ‘could we talk please? I don’t like how things were left.’ He replied ‘I enjoyed the good times we had too but things arent the same and we argue too much, please send me your address so i can return the items as it doesnt feel right’ I responded ‘I don’t want to lose you, so will you please work with me to make our relationship work again, I know I don’t deserve it but I care for you deeply and I love you..I want you to keep the them, I’m sorry.’ And again he didn’t respond so I text him again saying ‘Please just talk with me, even if you hate me, please hear me out.’ He responded saying ‘it’s over I sorry, there’s nothing else I can say’ I continued to keep begging him to take me back and him not replying and when he I asked him if he loved me he said no sorry and he also said he won’t be contacting me anymore and i really dont want to upset you more and talking is doing that, you are more than welcome to let me send the items back, other than that good bye. I continued to bombard him with messages and calls, he replied no my minds made up..I continued to message and call him the next day too but no reply. It’s not been almost 3 days I haven’t heard from him and I’m absolutely terrified of losing him. I didn’t text him today so this is the first day I haven’t contacted him for..I want to try the no contact but I always end up caving in. Do you think the Nc rule will get him to speak to me or even give us a chance of ever getting back together? Please help.
Maggie Grossguth

November 3, 2015 at 2:43 pm

I was with my guy for 10 months then he decided he wanted to end things out of nowhere. He broke up with me face to face. He wanted me to believe that he was leaving me because he felt that I would be happier with someone else, which made no sense for him to start feeling like that out of nowhere. So I started asking questions like “do you just not feel the same anymore” and “do you just not want to be in a relationship anymore” he then said he hast been feeling the same. I asked him if we could work things out again because we have before and he said nothing. After he broke up with me we were supposed to meet and talk about it all again and the night before we were supposed to meet he said he didn’t want to talk at all and other things along the lines of that. After that I haven’t talked to him for about 2 weeks, and during that time I found out that he actually left me for his best friends ex. A few days later I sent him a message basically saying that I knew he as with her but there’s nothing you can do and that as long as he’s happy. He didn’t answer. It’s been a little over a month and I have been wanting to talk to him but I’m not sure if the time is right or not
Carli

October 13, 2015 at 10:53 pm

Hello,

My name is Carli, and I recently was dumped about two days ago. My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years, since we were 14, and now we are 20. My boyfriend just out of the blue dumped me. He just started acting weird and distant, and then I started freaking out, and calling and bothering him, and he ended it. No explanation. He then had his friends be complete jerks to me, and make fun of me, and he just didn’t care anymore. He made a fool of me. I just don’t know what to do because I’m in love with him, and I’m not ready to let go, all my friends have been telling me that if I give him space he will come crawling back in a month or so, its so hard to believe that considering how angry he sounded on the phone, when I called him the next day he told me he didn’t love me at all. (I just want you to know, that this has happened 2 times before). Now he has blocked my number, and blocked me from messaging me on Facebook, but he hasn’t blocked me on other social media, and he hasn’t deleted me on Facebook, just blocked me from messaging him. I don’t want to lose him, I just have no clue what to do. I feel like if I ignore him he will just forget about me and move on. I just don’t feel like he’s going to come back to me, even though everyone says he will come back, and he does love me. It would just be nice to have an outsiders opinion, and especially from a guy. Thank You!

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1,518 thoughts on “Making Your Ex Boyfriend Speak To You Again”