How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Speak To You- Get Him Talking Again

1,518 thoughts on “Making Your Ex Boyfriend Speak To You Again”

Allison

February 25, 2017 at 9:27 pm

What should you do if you text grated after a break up? How can you gain any control of the situation after texting several times with no response?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 11:10 pm

HI Allison,

start the no contact rule and be active in improving yourself. Look like you’re moving on.

tiffany

February 24, 2017 at 6:18 am

Ok So I read a few articles and am lost more than ever. I have a triple play ex. He is my ex from long ago, then we both started talking as we were both getting divorced, then stopped talking after being intimate, and now he is deploying overseas. How in the world do I even go about any of this, when all I can even do is email, since i might of deleted him from Facebook out of anger. Now I realize neither of us were in best place to be getting back together and when he said we needed to slow down i felt used and went a little crazy haha. Can i just do no contact, and use email instead of text? Would it work same..

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 3:42 pm

Hi Tiffany,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but you need to approach the situation like a long distance relationship. Check the links below:
What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Katie

February 22, 2017 at 2:13 pm

Can I get an email id? I feel uncomfortable asking the question publicly.

Thanks.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 11:46 pm

Hi Katie,

click the contact link below. It’s going to take you to the contact page and you can state your story there, it will be sent to our email address.
CONTACT

Sohurt90

February 5, 2017 at 3:07 am

Hey Amor!
It’s been a while lol. To start off with I made some huge change and truly started working on myself. I really start putting in the effort of enjoying my own company and started eating healthy. Overall putting myself first. I’m not going to lie it still hurts,but I’m slowly started to get over it and whether we get back together or not I’m putting myself first. With that being said I want to contact my ex.

It’s been a month since we spoke and three weeks since he block me everywhere. I haven’t check to see if he unblock my number, but if he did how would I go about texting him. I just wants us to be on speaking or friendly terms. Idk if he still mad because my bff ask him( via DM) did he miss me? He didn’t reply to her and unfollowed her. If he miss me how would I know he do? I’m not looking forward to getting back together…. at least not now…. should I wait or go on other 30 Nc rule … so please help!

aish

October 5, 2017 at 3:37 pm

it was a 2 years of relationship, i was so ungrateful to his efforts. our parents knew eachother, they had good bonding. but since last 6months our fight became ugly and his parents even don’t like me much, it has been 2 months after our breakup. his parents came to our home n informed about it. we haven’t met after that though i tried. i am trying NC period since 2 weeks, i had begged previously but he didn’t want me to call or message. i don’t want to give up but his parents are making him see other girls.i think he hates me but i love him and i need help
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 6, 2017 at 10:26 pm

Hi Aish,

how active are you in improving yourself and in posting?
Sohurt90

February 7, 2017 at 2:02 pm

I was thinking the same thing. I’m just going to lay low because he was probably expecting me to message him as soon as I realized he unblock me(if he indeed did) I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. I just want to see if he going to unblock me everywhere else. I still don’t know if he unblock my number. I’m not in a rush to do anything. I still can’t believe he broke up with me because of a message from his friend( at least I think). Smh

Thank You.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 10:33 pm

Yeah, let’s give it more time..you’re welcome
Sohurt90

February 6, 2017 at 9:35 pm

UPDATE: I’m not too sure, but I think he unblock me from Instagram because i type his name in the search bar and his name actually pops up (before it didn’t) . I few minutes ago I type his name again and I didn’t pop up, but went I type in his name again a few minutes ago, his name show up again…. I don’t know if it a glitch, he deactivated his account or he’s blocking me and unblocking. I’m not getting my hopes up so should I wait because I don’t want to feen into his mind games( if he indeed unblock me)
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 11:14 am

for me wait at least 30 days..but if he is unblocking you and then observe..If you’re steadily unblocked for a week or two, you can initiate after that..
Sohurt90

February 6, 2017 at 6:07 pm

On FB, he unblock me then a couple of days later he blocks me again. Couple of minutes later he send me a text of his favorite picture of me. (week after we broke up). Instagram, I send him a message on saying He needs to call me to see what’s going on and if he wants to break up I will accept because I didn’t know what was going on( even though I know now). I message him twice and he since both message. Then a couple of days later he blocks me( mind you as soon as I send it he send my message as soon as I press send. Why would he wait a couple of days to block me? Why didn’t he block block me as soon as he got the messages?) After that I fully stick to the no contact rule ever since. This would be my three week without contact.

I’m still trying to figure out why would he get so upset to the point where he block me everywhere. We was good before our break up. I think I know why. I think he upset that one of his old friends inbox me trying to talk to me(flirt). I didn’t keep it a secret as a matter of fact, I told him about it and even show him the conversation ( which I cut short because I told the guy I have a boyfriend). After the conversation my ex kept on bringing it back up. We got into an argument and I told him he needs to do better as a boyfriend. Then he kept on bringing up the conversation I had with his friend. I haven’t given no reason not to trust me. But, he broke up with me because of his own insecurities then I can’t deal with.

How long should I give him because I know he wants to call me. I know stuff like this is not an overnight thing. Amor, don’t you think the reason why he haven’t unblock me yet because he have our ways of looking at my social media pages. I’m still friends with some of his family members and my pages are semi public. How long should I wait and at what point should I just move on( I’m already in the process of doing) I know h3 can be very stubborn and hard headed.

Thank you
Sohurt90

February 6, 2017 at 2:03 am

He still got me block on Facebook and Instagram( even though I have a feeling he watching both of my accounts). As for my number… idk. I not in not rush to contact him because I’m still working on myself. I stop making attempt to reach out to him for about three weeks. I’m over it and now making progress on moving on. My bff actually got into contact with him and she ask him did he miss me. He didn’t give a direct answer, but unfollow her lol. He know he does lol. I knows it must bother him that I’m not begging nor even contacting him.
How would I go about contacting him if he got me block everywhere ? I know he must still be mad, but it been a month already. Should I give him more time( another month of NYC) or should I just fully move on. The way I look at it…. nobody should be this mad( I know exactly why he broke up with me beside the clingyness) . Is he waiting for me to contact him first( still he the one mad and supposedly be in the wrong) ? I don’t want to seem like I’m kiss is ass either…. thanks in advance
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2017 at 1:58 pm

If he’s waiting for you to contact, he should have unblocked you. Extend nc, srt a limit until when you would do that. If you’re still blocked after it, then move on..
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017 at 8:16 pm

what about social media messaging?

Kayla

February 2, 2017 at 5:29 pm

I’ve dated my ex for 4 years, he broke up with me 5 months ago and since the break up we have kept in contact. We also see each other pretty often, he doesn’t tell me he loves me anymore unless I say it first. He’s now talking to other women and doesn’t seem interested in me, I have been begging the last few months for us to get back together but he says not right now because every few weeks I catch an attitude about something and now he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. The last thing I asked him was his feelings about me and he told me if I asked again that he would me. I’m hurt and I think it maybe too late to work on things because he seemed to have move on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 9:10 pm

Hi Kayla,

check this one:
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That

Rachel

January 26, 2017 at 6:21 pm

Hey, I was dating my boyfriend for a year and six months, we met at university I was just starting and he was in his last year. We went through a hell of a lot together and even though he was massively childish and there was a whole host of things he did that aggravated me daily I loved him beyond words. He then moved a few hours away when he graduated uni and that’s when things got a little harder and we started arguing more and then he got a job abroad for the summer and basically we ended up breaking up because the distance was too much. I got pretty angry at him for it and when he unfriended me and stuff I realised I was making things worse and began the no contact thing and basically it’s been nine months since. We have spoken once or twice in that time, always at my instigation. But about a week ago we spoke properly and I don’t know he decided to send me a friend request again and so we started talking regularly (again mostly at my instigation) I reckon he only sent me a friend request because he has a girlfriend now and he’s over me. But I’m not. I spent six months of our separation in a rebound relationship and I feel like I am just as in love with him and as hurt over our breakup as I was back in April of last year. He’s going abroad again this year and so I probably won’t see him before he leaves. So that’ll be another year gone. I’ve tried everything but I’m getting desperate. He’s moved on and I don’t know what to do! I am still in love with him, I wanted to spend my life with him and I still do. I know we’ll probably have the same problems again if we get back together. But I am willing to fight for a solution this time. I just don’t know what to do! I’ve not spoken to him in five days because I haven’t messaged him. I’m trying no contact again so he doesn’t think I’m always there for him or whatever because I made the mistake of telling him I’m still in love with him. I just don’t know what to do!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:02 am

Hi Rachel,

how much are you improving yourself?

Molly

January 8, 2017 at 6:00 pm

Hey, I need your advice too
This summer when I was on holiday I met this guy working where I was having my holiday, and he asked to meet that night, we just talked and when I went back home we started texting online. Since I live 1hr away from his place, after a month I went to meet him. He said he wanted to be my last boyfriend, although we have not actually commited dating, we were tripping like actual boyfriend and girlfriend. I met him a few more times and everytime we met we were closer, he told me how he wanted to live with me & all that. When the summer time was over, he had to go back to his country and since his visa expired he had a 90 day ‘ban’ from my country. Last time we met was the day before his flight, and he told me how much he will miss me and text me everyday and that he can’t wait to meet me again. And he went… first month was actually fine, he was still interested and was talking late at night, I’ve asked him if he wants to find some girls that’s near him and he said, if I wanted to find girls for fun, I wouldn’t ask a girl out who lives 1 hour away from me, and stop talking to me like that. After the first month, our talk decreased, he started to send less texts, and his amount of ‘sweet talk’ decreased aswell. When I asked him why he hasn’t been texting me he would say ‘I’m not checking my phone all the time, I’m with grandmas, sometimes at mom’s place.’ And I want to confess you that I’m an overreacting person. One time about a month ago he didn’t tell me he was going to his friends and just didn’t text for 3 days straight, i don’t know how many times I’ve texted him over all social media and called him, also contacted his friend to ask him about my guy. And after that three days he appeared and said ‘I was at my friend’s place, i had slow internet,i can’t believe it, you’ve sent so many messages’ and i told him, before you go somewhere please text me so that i know. We were kinda sweet after that. But he kept saying how I’m being crazy about my boyfriend unnecessarily. He wasn’t texting constantly but he was still okay with us flirting/dating. Than.. on 31st of december he told me he’s going to his mom’s place, and that he might stay there a couple of days. I told him, ‘do you want to see my dress?’ And he told me he doesn’t even know. Yet I did send him a picture. And now.. about 1 days has passed, i saw him being online on social media but not on whatsapp or skype, i felt like he was literally ignoring me for days. Here’s very dumb. I told him at first of january ‘tell your girlfriend you’re all free now. (Although i wasn’t even suspicious of a girl neither did i have any clues.) Dont EVER talk to me. I will get married, and I don’t want to wait for d*** like you.’ (I have no idea why i told him i will get married. I was drunk, angry and unconscious while texting that message.) 2 days later he ‘blue ticked’ that message, leaving no answers. I told him I regret everything I said and that he misunderstood me, but he didn’t even check those messages. He checked my ‘poor’ messages on Facebook though, yet left no answers. Now it’s been 8 days before his last text and has 20 days before his ban to my country will be removed.. i can’t explain how much i need him and want him around, and seems i don’t have so much time to wait. Please help me. Best wishes.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 10:56 pm

Hi Molly,

are you going to do the no contact rule?

Rachel

January 5, 2017 at 9:54 pm

1) What if I want to implement the NC rule, but I have actual important things to discuss with him?

2) Also, it kills me to see him with other women, especially because I am sensitive to sex and emotional about it (saving it) therefore I never had sex with him; and he is the king of hook-ups, so when I see him with other women I know what he’s doing, and it makes me feel terrible about myself.

3) Our history is short and tumultuous. We only started talking the day before the election, and this is not even the first time we broke up, and frankly what makes me feel like we broke up again (we didn’t even state it officially, also we weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but we were acting so) is in the fact that he’s barely talking to me since telling me how sick he was of me and us fighting (yet, we met up the day after that, and things were good; friend-wise, not romantically. So I really don’t know why he’s not talking to me / seems like he wants to rid me after we hung out and everything was fine. Let it be known that we did meet up partly because I was lending him money for a laptop, but what do you think of how he’s not talking to me after everything seemed fine?) and seeing him with other women through Facebook and Snapchat. One of the things he hated about me was how I would explode on him randomly whenever I felt mad at him for something that he did previously and I had only just started thinking about it then. I understand why it upsets him, and since when he told me he was sick of me I’ve kept my anger in, and it’s really hard.

4) I have a lot of situations/questions left, so I’ll go with one more: we come from extremely different backgrounds; he’s been homeless before, has done a lot of drugs, and was a foster kid for a long time. I am VERY financially blessed, I’ve never done drugs, I was always very against them, and have had the support of both of my caring parents all my life. In our arguments, he would never really listen to me and he always brought up how I’m a rich white girl who’s sheltered, and I recently realized, that if I were poor like him, he would be much more inclined to listen to me. It’s like, the fact that I’m rich means that I’ve never struggled with anything therefore it invalidates all of my opinions and arguments, yet he doesn’t know the struggles I’ve been through because he’s never asked. I’m desperate for him to just hear me out, how can I get him to do that (besides telling him my struggles)?

5) Combining 1&4, I really want to talk to him about number 4 right away because it’s eating away at me, and also I feel like I need to keep in contact with him because he owes me money. Should I still go for 30 days without talking to him? Or should I address everything/try talking to him?

Sorry that this is a lot, I’m just trying to get my thoughts out. I numbered them so it would be easier to answer/address.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2017 at 5:48 am

Hi Rachel,

How old are you both? How short was the relationship? And frankly, you picked a guy who doesn’t have the same core values are you are, are you trying to change him? Another mistake is that, you lent him money even though you don’t know him that well. Is that the important matter you need to keep talking about during nc?

Layla

January 4, 2017 at 5:35 am

ok my ex and I got in a huge fight two weeks ago. we were already broken up but had just gone on a trip together to “rekindle.” we didn’t talk for four days then he said “we are cool but I still don’t want to speak with you.” I flipped out and got panicky and he ended up saying mean things including “we will never talk again! If I see u I’ll say hello but that’s it ” Ughhhhhh so now it’s been 5 days no contact… I’m afraid he really meant it … do you think NC could still work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 6, 2017 at 5:43 am

Hi Layla,

There’s no guarantee that it will but I think he doesn’t expect you to do it. He expects you to chase.. So, go do it.

Sofie

December 28, 2016 at 11:54 pm

So, short version of my story; my ex and i Where together for 8 Almost 9 months. He broke up with me. The last two months he startes being distant and i got sad all the time and i guess that lead to the breakup. I made all the post breakup fails; begging, telling him i loved him and so on. I startes no contact and the other day i send first message; first contact. I got a positive/neutrale response. And again today i texted him and the same positive/neutrale response. Also he found someone else in the mean time, i dont know if it’s serious but i dont Think it is. She is everything i’m not. Everything that he Never wanted, that is what she is. So i guess it’s a rebound or something. But the fact is that he didn’t tell me to leave him alone or delete me on Facebook the two times i texted.
So now, i want to try out the confession text, but really i’m only 17 so i dont have any money for the texting bible. So what can i say? What kind of confession can i make that will make him want to text?
Also i dont know what to text him cause i’m afraid he will get mad.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 8:56 am

Hi Sofie,

how long did you do the no contact rule and how much did you improve during and after nc?

Louise

December 13, 2016 at 11:46 am

My ex boyfriend and I broke up nearly 8 weeks ago. It was all very out of the blue, we were supposed to move in together and he booked our anniversary the day before he broke up with me, he said it was the hardest thing he had to do as it’s the best we’ve ever been and he loves me / is in love with me. Anyway, we spoke every few days for about 6 weeks after, I kept trying to implement the no contact rule but he’d text me with something he needed from me, so I eventually said to him to come to get the rest of us stuff from my house so I could implement the NC rule properly ( I didn’t tell him that’s what I was trying to do). He stayed for about 30 minutes and it was quite heated and he was angry and said he never loved me etc which isn’t remotely true. Following this, I sent him one message saying I disagreed with what he said and I was moving on and wished him well, no reply. I was out on Thursday with a group of mutual friends, he wasn’t there but went to the meal after with all of his friends who were at the first event with me, some of them like to cause drama even though they are in their late 20s and that’s exactly what they did. Apparently they were talking about me and he was asking lots of questions. I saw his friends again after the meal when he had gone home and they kept trying to talk to me about it and I wasn’t really obliging. They did tell me that he was asking who I was with and talking to, and asked why I wanted to go to the meal (I didn’t – one of his friends stirring again saying that I was trying to go). Some of the nice friends said that from what he’s told them he couldn’t put a reason on why he broke up with me and he seems really confused (he’s 28 and I was his 1st girlfriend). Anyway, it had been nearly two weeks since I contacted him but I had to do so yesterday as the present I ordered for him before we broke up arrived at his office and he has the insurance documents for a holiday we were supposed to go on together that I need to try and get a refund for, so I tried to call him and left a voicemail. Heard nothing back so I text him asking if he got my voicemail and saying it would be greatly appreciated if he could update me on those things, he text this morning saying he’d emailed the stuff and returned the present and to ‘please never contact him anymore’. I’m not sure why he’s being so cold when I’ve only contacted him for one valid reason in the past two weeks. It’s confusing and I don’t understand why he’s so mad?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 10:44 pm

HI Louise,

Maybe because something about what he and his friends talked about. It’s ok to talk to him about his stuff during nc, as long as it’s only about the stuff. What’s more important is that you really improve. So, this time, focus in improving yourself.

Emma

December 11, 2016 at 9:37 am

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend recently broke up. He broke it off and I think it was all to do with the tiff we had. We’re in a long distance relationship and I always try and see him as much as I can. He works as a chief so his work hours are difficult.

I got annoyed at him because he said he was working and couldn’t do the weekend. I asked if was free mon and tues he told me he was working again and there’d be no point if he’s working and he’d just be in a bad mood. I got annoyed and said “never mind” and said “shall I not bother then?” I apologised after putting that. After he saw that message he didn’t reply to all the contact I try making him for an hour.

When he did reply he said I can’t speak to him like that just because he’s working. I told him how I felt as he said he was very upset and wanted to be on his own for a bit, after talking a little and saying sorry countless times and telling him how I felt, I gave him a little space and after a day and a half I messaged asking how long he needed and were I stood. when he replied we spoke for a bit and I then asked him if he still shared to be with me.

He told me he’s sorry and he doesn’t want to be horrible, I asked why? Do you not have feelings for me? He said it wasn’t that but that he’s struggling and doesn’t think he can be there for me if I’ve had a bad day. He also told me he wants to protect me from him.

I’ve been trying to get him to talk to me but all he is saying is that I wasn’t nice to him last week and he keeps giving vague answers and not not really answering my questions. I poured my heart out to him and the other day we where supposed to talk after he finished work and I stayed up so I can sort things but I got angry at the way he was treating me and the last thing he said to me was “I’m to busy atm.”

I messaged him yesterday asking if we could talk on his day off and at least we could have some space. But he’s not talking at all now. I feel so bad and I’ve been really struggling. I have problems with anxiety and he has depression but won’t get help for it. I’ve done all I can but I miss him so much and I’m worried he’ll find someone else. Which in turn makes it hard to not try and reach out to him.

We’ve know each other since the age of 16 it last about a month the first time, 5 months the second time (we were both (20) and the same this time. At the start he told me it wasn’t going to be like this but it has gone like it and all I can think of is it’s the fact he’s not ready to be back at work and it’s all the stress from work. I care a great deal about him and I know my friends won’t like it if we got back, but I really want him back- I know he’s hurting.

Thanks!

Emma

December 23, 2016 at 9:59 pm

It’s been 13+ days now and he still hasn’t opened the fb message I sent him.

I worry that he’s forgot all we had and forgotten about me. I’m trying to get help with my anxiety in the new year
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 24, 2016 at 5:33 am

that’s good that you’re trying to get help.. but make the most of your nc for yourself.. you only have a short time that all you think about is yourself.. and you have to continue the routine you starter in nc even after nc while rebuilding rapport.. check this:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Emma

December 21, 2016 at 8:08 pm

It’s been 11 days since we spoke now and I’ve not messaged him.

I miss him so much. I just feel he’s forgotten what we had and just forgotten me all together, like nothing happened.

I’m getting help for my anxiety and trying to feel better about myself.
Emma

December 20, 2016 at 11:32 pm

It’s been just over a week now. I’ve not messaged him and I worry he’s forgot about me 🙁
Emma

December 15, 2016 at 6:34 am

I’m giving it a good and haven’t messaged him as I begged for him back.

I’m worried in case it doesn’t work.

Thanks for replying! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 12:13 pm

Good how many days? There’s no guarantee that it will work but in order to leverage it right, you have to change and improve yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 6:32 pm

Hi Emma,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

Jessica

December 9, 2016 at 1:10 am

So I dated my ex for a year and a few months before we broke up. I kind of saw it coming because he was acting strange for some time. He stopped showing me off (stop posting pictures and talking about me) and he deleted me from certain social media programs. He said to me one day that he wasn’t into all of the emotional stuff. Every time I told him I missed him he started feeling some type of way and he wouldn’t say it back and he stopped saying I love you back and I couldn’t understand why. I guess we broke up 3 weeks and the only reason why i’m saying guess is because I confronted him about why he was acting the way he was and I asked him if it was somebody else or he just didn’t want to be with me anymore. Instead of me getting a response back he blocked me and I have been blocked ever since and clueless as to what’s going on. I tried calling him but he blocked my number from calling. It got so bad to a point where my parents got fed up and told him some horrible things. He responds to them but not me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 5:33 pm

HI Jessica,

do you want to try the advice above?

michael

December 4, 2016 at 1:49 am

Hi there. My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 years. We broke up and got back together about 4 times total each one lasting about 1-5 months before getting back. 2 months ago, she broke up with me after we got into an argument. When she first initiated the break up, she said ” I think its best we just stay friends because its too hard to be my girlfriend. (She spoke like she was sincerely trying to break up but unsure). However, stupid me; I said ok whatever you want (because I actually was very upset). A week of no-contact later, I text her and told her I’m sorry and I hope we can get back. She rejected but this time, she sounded more angry and her language became more harsh. She said ” its been 6 years and you always say nice things after we break up and then you go back to your old ways, its over this time and I mean it michael”. I ended up begging which naturally didn’t work at all. A week after that, I made a 2nd attempt to get her back by sending her flowers and letters telling her I understand shes upset blah blah . She ended up rejecting me for the 2nd time and even emailed me telling me how she realized we would never work. She even sent me a “problems & solutions chart” which listed it out all my problems like “bad temper”, “doesn’t seem too happy when she’s out with friends”, and “never making effort to take her our on nice dates”. It seems like she made this chart maybe many weeks before our the first initiated the break up. Anyways, I made another mistake by waiting only 1 week later and asking her to please reconsider and that I will make the effort to change for her because I really didn’t know how much those things meant to her. She rejected me for the 3rd time by saying ” Its over, “I’ve moved on and so should you. You will never change. You lost your chance. I’ve lost my feelings for you”. This hurt me so much because she has never once used that type of language to me no matter how bad the breakup was. She always said its over and she wants to move on but never actually said she lost her feelings for me. We were just talking about getting engaged earlier this year too. I honestly love her and want to make it work. After the 3rd rejection, I decided to leave her alone for 4 weeks which today marks the end of week 4. I decided to text her and just said “Hey, I just wanted to say I’m very proud of you for graduating this year. I know school can be stressful but you’re done now! Sorry I cant be be there on your special day but congratulations and I hope you have a great time celebrating with your friends and family”. She texted back with just “thanks”. And that was it. She graduating college next month and already told me last month that I didnt need to be there so thats why I brought it up. Anyways, I am planning to wait several more weeks and hope maybe I can send her another casual text and see how she is. But I just really want to know, if we have a chance anymore at this point? We are still friends on facebook yet she seems so upset whenever I ask her back. Im surprised she even replied “thanks” but the truth is, really do understand what went wrong and I truly want to make it work. If you can help me with what to do at this point or to give me any opinions on this situation; I would sincerely appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Hi Michael,

I think for a higher chance, you have to do at least 45 days of nc, and really look like you’re moving on or starting to.. And be very active in improving yourself

Char

December 3, 2016 at 9:39 pm

Hi there,
I was recently dumped by my guy for the 3rd time! We have been together since August and its been really nice ….until I start drinking. He hates when I drink. I become a pathetic needy person who constantly asks him where I stand in the relationship. The last few times hes ended it, he says he cant live his life like this (he doesnt drink much) and I end up showing up at his doorstep and begging for forgiveness. I say I will change but never do. : ( This last time felt like the final straw. I dont know what to do. I love him and I have started to go to AA meetings to change my behaviour for good this time. Ive sent him a few long apology texts but not heard a word back from him. Its only been a week….what should I do now??? Have I lost him forever? I am 42 and hes 46.

Char

December 6, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hi Amor,

Im not sure what to do about asking for my spare set of keys back or other things that we have of each others. Will he just see that as a ploy to be in touch with him? Should I keep doing the NC thing and hope that he reaches out?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 8, 2016 at 10:14 pm

If it’s important, you can meet during the no contact rule. You can talk about it during nc, but only make it about it. Do at least 30-45 days.
Char

December 5, 2016 at 6:47 pm

Hi Amor…how long do you think I should continue with no contact? Last week he texted that he would return my apartment keys but he didnt really set a time or place. Should I bring that up again or leave it for now?
Char

December 5, 2016 at 3:54 pm

Hi Amor,
Im afraid change will go unnoticed by him because he is not on social media…he doesnt have any of those things. The cell phone is his only contact. Do you think I will lose him for good if I dont reach out first? Its been exactly a week since our last break up and Im fearing the worst.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 4:41 pm

Well, if he gets curious because you’re not chasing, that’s the only thing he can check about you. Aside from doing the no contact rule, your other choices are to chase or to move on.. I don’t think you not reaching out will be the cause of him forgetting you, it will more likely be because of the past and if you don’t change.
Char

December 5, 2016 at 12:54 am

Hi Amor….I think I am unwillingly doing the no contact thing. Its been about 5 days and I havent called or texted him at all. But he hasnt responded to my apologies or reached out to me either and I dont want to lose him and am worried about too much time passing. Do you think its too late since hes not talking to me at all??
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 12:15 pm

Being active in posting in social media, is your indirect way of showing your change.. And it would be better if he thinks you’re changing to move on, not to chase him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 3:02 pm

Hi Char,

dont chase.. That’s good that you’re in AA.. If all he wants is for you to change, then change first..Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Char

December 3, 2016 at 9:24 pm

Hi there,
I was recently dumped by my guy for the 3rd time! We have been together since August and its been really nice ….until I start drinking. He hates when I drink. I become a pathetic needy person who constantly asks him where I stand in the relationship. The last few times hes ended it, he says he cant live his life like this (he doesnt drink much) and I end up showing up at his doorstep and begging for forgiveness. I say I will change but never do. : ( This last time felt like the final straw. I dont know what to do. I love him and I have started to go to AA meetings to change my behaviour for good this time. Ive sent him a few long apology texts but not heard a word back from him. Its only been a week….what should I do now??? Have I lost him forever? I am 42 and hes 46.

Char

December 15, 2016 at 8:15 pm

Hi there
So Ive been attempting this no contact rule but its only been 5 days (since I had to start over because we slept together last week). But then he sent me the blowing kiss emoji over text yesterday. So far I have ignored him…but should I text back or continue to ignore him? Does that emoji mean something or am I reading too much into it?????
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 8:09 pm

Ignoooore.. Well, it’s cute..positive but it can also mean he sees you as fwb
Char

December 10, 2016 at 3:57 pm

Hi Amor,

I think I really messed things up now.
He called me yesterday and said he would drop off my stuff. And when he came over we started to make small talk about work etc. And then one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I realize that is a big no-no but it happened. He was really sweet and cuddly after it all but for the first time in 6 months, he didnt spend the night.
We talked briefly before he left and he said he was still angry with me and wanted to wait and see how I was doing for a while first, before anything else. I jokingly said “well dont fall in love with anyone else in the meantime…” and he said “I’ll try!” Was that not a good response????
He said he would call me when he was leaving….but now im not sure what to do…wait for him to reach out or for me to just call him.
Your thoughts??
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Hi Char,

That’s more likely a break up text. Do you want to restart the no contact rule?
Char

December 4, 2016 at 7:40 pm

Hi Amor….I think I am unwillingly doing the no contact thing. Its been about 5 days and I havent called or texted him at all. But he hasnt responded to my apologies or reached out to me either and I dont want to lose him and am worried about too much time passing. Do you think its too late since hes not talking to me at all??
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 11:58 am

Being active in posting in social media, is your indirect way of showing your change.. And it would be better if he thinks you’re changing to move on, not to chase him.
Char

December 4, 2016 at 6:29 pm

Hi Amor, thanks for your response.
I think I am doing no contact…it will be 5 days today. But I dont want him to forget about me and I want him to know that Im taking the necessary steps to get better. Is it too late do you think for him to see that and forgive me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 5, 2016 at 11:58 am

Being active in posting in social media, is your indirect way of showing your change.. And it would be better if he thinks you’re changing to move on, not to chase him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 4, 2016 at 2:52 pm

Hi Char,

dont chase.. That’s good that you’re in AA.. If all he wants is for you to change, then change first..Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Tessa

November 26, 2016 at 2:05 pm

Hi Amor,

I’m afraid that my comment got lost in the depths of the internet and I’m doing this again.

I was in a LDR with my ex for 2+ years and roughly 3-4 days ago he said that he has no feelings for me and had to break up with me, saying that he needs space. This broke my heart because I was supposed to meet him for the first time in January, but before it happened he broke us up. I asked him and he said that if he’s still single in January, I can come visit and we can try dating again if all goes well.
I laid off the GNATing and we even had a nice moment last night.
He’s sending off a lot of mixed signals! He calls me ‘dove’ (which he claims he calls almost everyone, but he used it on me almost all the time when we were together), when I said I felt weak he asked me to “Get some rest, for him” and told me to “Get well soon? Please?” Even though he told me that he’ll be busy in the morning and midday, first thing he does when he gets up is message me with “I hope you slept well,” and I just don’t know what to think!!
I don’t want him to date another woman until I get a chance to meet him. I’m -desperate- to reinvigorate his feelings. Atleast a tad.
Can you decode these signals?? Because I can’t!

I’m establishing the NCR from today. I’d appreciate any other advice you’d have. Please.

Thank you so much!

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Hi Tessa,

if you haven’t met for two years in person, that’s not a good sign. And that can mean he’s really avoiding to meet you in January, so, he’s breaking up now.. Why didn’t you meet for two years?

Amyy

November 26, 2016 at 8:48 am

We were in the process of getting back together. I felt that with each passing day, he was going far from me so I did arguments and fights and begging for 3 months and gave lots of ultimatums… at last, he said that he tried and I tried too and u can’t anymore and he keeps on remembering everything and he said to not text him anymore and I told him to do me a favour and block me from everything and he just blocked me from texting him and hasn’t unblocked me yet. Now I am doing NC and it’s day 18 … what should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 8:36 pm

HI Amy,

have you improved yourself? if he sees you or talks to you, would he think you have or starting to change?

Amy

November 26, 2016 at 8:41 am

Hi Amor!
We broke up after 8 months of our very tumultuous relationship. There were constant fights and he taking time to cool off and I getting even more angry and the cycle would repeat. We had communication problem but we both loved each other alot. I was his first serious relationship after his very bad break up with an ex so he had lots of emotional baggage too. I used to get angry with stuff and would bait him by warning him and basically telling him that I will leave him, we would fight and make up and it went for 8 months and the fight used to extend for weeks in the end days, at last one day we were fighting and it was a little thing and it was, as if a last straw for him and he broke up with me and we had the ugliest fight if the century after we broke up. Immediately, after breaking up he blocked me but by tomorrow he unblocked Me and that’s when we fought. Well, I did NC for 9 days but after that begged and he started talking to me after some days. Now in this stage, I did the most mistakes, I wanted to be treated like a priority but he would talk to me every other day and that would upset me and we had the same fights. If I would have found this site before, it would have save me from lots of heart break. So long story short, I did lots if begging and he used to say to give it time and it will happen but it used to push him away and that will perpetrate the same cycle. Some weeks ago, I told him that I can’t take it anymore, I have said this thing lots of time to him after the breakup so he used to tell me that don’t try then, so I played the same card, that time he said that give it time that why I an reacting that he’s busy and that I should leave this topic and give it a break so I told him we both need space and that we should rally think and he said OK. After somedats, he said that he thought alot and he have decided that its a lost cause because he can’t forget that major fight and the things we have said to each other and he tried and I also tried and I can’t do it anymore and he is failing too so its better we leave. And told me to not text anymore and I told him to block me from everything and we went and just blocked me from texting him from Facebook but I am not blocked completely as I can see his accounts but just can’t text him on his frequently used account while his public account is open. Now I am applying NC and its day 18. I want him back as I want to give it a genuine try. Help! What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 26, 2016 at 10:24 am

Hi Amy,

sorry about that. It just means I haven’t reached your comments yet but I only see two comments, this and another one. I checked the spam section and there’s no copy. So, thank you for reposting. Anyways, since you’re already in nc again, what you need to do is to improve yourself. If you didn’t start doing that, you have to restart the count. He has to think, you’re starting to move on.

Tessa

November 25, 2016 at 3:15 pm

Hi Amor

I -absolutely- 110% need all the help I can get. My boyfriend of 2+ years has broken up with me a few days ago. We were in a long-distance relationship and during the last few months, we’ve been on and off arguing about how we’re both busy and we sometimes don’t have time to text or call over Skype, and we’re bored of doing the same things over and over.
I feel like you and the ExBoyfriendRecovery family are the only support I have. Everyone is telling me to move on, but I just can’t. I can’t throw away so much when we were so close.

I’ve made the basic mistakes of GNATting, appearing desperate and doing a little too much. He doesn’t talk to me much, saying that he needs his solitude, which I’ve been happy to give him. Taking advice from your YouTube videos, when he texted me last night, I didn’t go insane with replies and I wrote only one, short and to the point, but not cold or mean. (He has yet to reply because he messaged me past midnight and I woke up and saw it at 2 AM.)

I have been thinking about his ‘hot buttons’ a lot and I believe that (just like any other person) he likes to laugh, likes to feel important to someone; though I’m afraid I don’t know how to get to that point since he says he has no feelings for me, and as he, again, stated before, “he won’t return any (affection) because he feels nothing anymore.”

I was going to visit him for the first time after New Year’s, but before we could, he said he lost his feelings for me. He agreed that if he’s single in January, I can come down and we can try again, but he also said that he “won’t push people away” if they try to date him and he likes them, too.

I’m completely and utterly desperate to have him feel something romantic towards me again, even if a little, by January, so that he may give me a chance.
Please, anyone?

Thank you.

Tessa

January 10, 2017 at 7:59 pm

We weren’t back together just yet. Sorry for not being quite clear.
BUT!!
We are now! It was a surprisingly quick change. I just want to sincerely give you and Chris a MASSIVE thank you! I couldn’t have done it without the help of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery crew. I really, really thought that my chances were incredibly low. Turns out that they weren’t! The no contact rule worked AMAZINGLY. Thank you so, so much! Both me and him are now very happy together, and we have a nice, long visit scheduled for February. Just after Valentine’s day!

And one last time.
Thank you!
-Tessa
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 11:45 am

Congratulations Tessa! Thank you for sharing the good news!
Tessa

December 31, 2016 at 6:02 pm

Hi Amor,

Things are doing pretty ok. First contact went almost way too well, he initiated a phone call with me on the second day, we talked about our feelings, he admitted to actually missing me, and told me that if the chance (to try it again with him, romantically) is still there if I wanted it. Not taking any chances, I asked him if -he- wanted me to take that chance, and he said yes.
During the last few days, he’s said that he missed me, tells me to “Never change,” I catch him looking at me in a call and just smiling, which leads to us gawking at eachother for a certain amount of time and just not saying anything.

HOWEVER, he says that there’s other people who he also wants to ‘treat equally and give them an equal chance’ in trying. One of them is a guy called Jorr who has been comforting him for the month in which I was gone. ((Another is a girl I don’t know much about, who didn’t seem quite interested in him until yesterday. Quoting my ex: “so the girl I’m crushing on seems to enjoy your little flirts and compliments, progress”))

Thing is, I wouldn’t be so bothered by this Jorr’s presence if it weren’t that they’re spending a lot of time together, and my ex doesn’t talk to me much when they do. (they tend to play the same game together, almost twice a day)
When he -does- talk to me, he gets very affectionate (again) and will throw me compliments or flirts, or will reminisce upon pleasant memories, or will say something romantic.
I’m looking to implement the Zeigarnik Effect+Afterthought Effect, find my hook and implement control in texting and calling, which I think I’ve failed to do correctly.
I’ve also considered doing a week of no contact rule, again.

I would appreciate any advice you have to give me. I feel like I’ve gotten back to that terrible place where I can barely eat and I have to hide a lot of my feelings in front of family members, etc.

Thank you.
-Tess
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 1, 2017 at 7:11 pm

Sorry, I don’t understand. You are back together but he wants to give other people a chance too? So, you broke up again?
Tessa

December 8, 2016 at 7:12 pm

Uhh.. Amor, as I’m doing the No Contact Rule, the reactions seem to be positive, but it’s getting to the point where he’s worried if I’m still alive, and he’s said “If you don’t want to talk to me, just tell me. I can leave.”
I’m dead-set on not breaking the NCR, but I’m nervous about the outcome. Any advice? He’s going mad over trying to message me in any way he can. He’s tried snapchat too (which I haven’t opened at all).

I’m just really scared that I’ll do more damage than good.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 3:12 pm

If you’re active in the posts, that would show what you’re doing without talking to him. If you need to reply, just reply kindly and say you need space to heal.
Tessa

December 2, 2016 at 4:47 pm

About that.. Many months back, I accidentally removed him as a friend from Facebook, and I haven’t quite had the opportunity to add him back. And since I’m doing the ncr and we ended on a somewhat sour note the last time we talked, I can’t add him back.

But I’m staying active on Skype, with other people, and I’m letting him see that I’m just fine, just not talking to him. I hope this works out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 8:23 pm

That’s ok.. Just make your posts public.. So, that if he checks it before you add him back, he can see it
Tessa

December 1, 2016 at 5:11 pm

I’m working on it. There’s been bad days and there’s been good days, but I’m trying my best. I care about this relationship immensely. Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 2, 2016 at 1:28 am

That’s good that you’re improving yourself because that’s the most important aspect of the no contact rule. Be active in posting in social media too.
Tessa

November 29, 2016 at 11:23 am

Hi Amor,

We didn’t meet because neither of us were in a financial situation that allowed it. Last year he was supposed to come, even got the tickets (worth 150 pounds) but my family refused to let me see him. He seems eager for January, so am I, I’m only hoping that the feelings will come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 9:18 pm

Oh ok, if that’s the case.. There can be a chance.. But you have to increase that chance by improving yourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 6:10 pm

Hi Tessa,

if you haven’t met for two years in person, that’s not a good sign. And that can mean he’s really avoiding to meet you in January, so, he’s breaking up now.. Why didn’t you meet for two years?

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