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A.
November 23, 2016 at 10:30 pm
Hello; I would really appreciate some advice directed towards my situation. Before our relationship, my ex and I talked for months, got to know each other well, and became good friends; we had met at an annual event that takes place at my school that had invited his school, and he asked for my number. As can be considered, our relationship was long distance; we went to schools 40 minutes driving distance away, lived close to an hour away from each other, I didn’t have a car to drive, and our student lives were very packed. The bulk of our communication happened over messaging or text, and we weren’t expecting to see each other again until the annual event came around again, but we got to a point that we were willing to see each other sometime other than the event, so we began to see each other for hours on weekends and our interactions shifted to primarily being in person. Things were going smoothly until he stopped being responsive by not looking at his messages or not returning my calls and I started to get the feeling I went wrong somewhere. I sent him a message suggesting we should talk about things, but he didn’t respond. The preoccupation of that feeling and not knowing what it was that I might have had done or said wrong was becoming too much for me to handle, because it was harming my ability to focus in classes and be productive, and I couldn’t afford to let that happen much further. Eventually one day, without him knowing I would, I went to his school to talk to him about it because I knew it would reduce the chances he’ll avoid confrontation. He got around to telling me he couldn’t be in a relationship and gave me reasons such as our distance, lack of time, and having other priorities, such as family issues he needed to look to resolving; I said I understood and that I’d be there for him in the present and future, and that if he wishes to act upon it, I’d be available through times the situation for us may become more convenient such as when he doesn’t have the issues going on longer or the fact that we’ll be nearer the next school year because we’d likely be going to schools closer to each other if not the same one, but soon I realized my initial response showed the assumption that like me he wanted to be in a relationship. I didn’t think that the cons of a long distance relationship was all there was to it because before when we were becoming better friends, he would still be willing to make effort to at least communicate when we could if not see each other, and I couldn’t see why it wasn’t still the case especially when we were sharing strong feelings for each other. The next day, he called me to make sure the point got across and he said he didn’t want to and couldn’t be in a relationship; similar to the first time we talked about it, I said I understood because I knew it was difficult in the phases of our lives we were in, but then I also asked if there was something on my part that wasn’t working for him, such as if I had said or done something that made him feel negatively, or there was a part of my personality that he disliked that detracted from his experience with me, and he told me there was no such thing and basically gave me the “it’s not you, it’s me,” but I believed it was because he has a hard time being direct and he cared about not hurting my feelings. Since he didn’t tell me anything, and even mutual friends who had a better idea about it didn’t want to tell me because they didn’t want that to negatively influence me in that I become too conscious of it in the future, I was left to trying to figuring it out on my own. The most probable conclusion I was able to reach was that I gave off a clingy vibe that made me lose my appeal and he lost interest, causing him to have second thoughts about whether he actually wants the relationship, a fact which I’m forgiving of. I was quite sure that it didn’t have to do with my personality because, as I was intent on doing, I was very consistently myself before and during our relationship, and he often expressed an appreciation of that and qualities he noticed, but unfortunately, clinginess seemed to really have overshadowed my attributes. I did some reflection and saw that some mistakes I made were possibly being overwhelming/pressuring though I didn’t mean to, as to seeing each other next. As my ex started to show he was willing to do more than he was before it got serious to make time for me and I became more confident about him liking me, I appear to have had gotten less hesitant about proposing plans to see each other; as a very involved student at school, such as in its music department, I found many upcoming events to tell him about and I would more often try to hear from him to see if he’d attend, which made our communication more about when we next see each other, and the events not being very widely spread apart would mean that if he would come to see me he would be making a significant amount more effort than he had before by driving long distances and having to try harder to manage the remainder of the school week, which was different from the way things were before and in the beginning of our relationship. Things were more relaxed; we would simply enjoy the times we could interact in any way, even if those times became sparse, though we did manage to keep up with each other well. I also realized that my messages were likely not worded in optimal ways so that it may give the impression it’s as if I don’t survive until I next see him again and that my life is starting to revolve around him, and I could surely see that it must have had become a turn-off that I could’ve avoided. I would love nothing more than to show that I’ve learned from my mistakes, but I can’t show application because I haven’t been given that chance, we don’t see each other, and he has cut off contact from me by blocking my number though we are still Facebook friends. When he had called me, I wanted to show respect for his perspective, and I didn’t really feel too bad because I could see that it was more due to things I didn’t have much control over, such as what a long distance relationship entails, and we could very possibly have broken up anyway for those reasons, but I had control over myself, and that was significant to me, so if I hadn’t been clingy to him, this break-up could’ve been better prevented, but more likely, my situation could’ve been different when it comes to the post-break-up aspect. I asked if it would be okay to be just friends and he said he doesn’t think we should talk, and I have been crushed by that because he can’t be replaced, I hold him dear, and can’t see each other go out of each others’ lives completely because I care about him and value him as an individual, among other things. I saw friendship as the next best way I could continue to associate with him even if my ultimate goal is to get back together; it was a big part of what made it relatively easy for me to accept not being in a relationship; I was happy with any kind of bond I’d have with him because I’d feel connected and in an extremely positive way, too. I had a great experience being friends with him before dating and it made a significantly positive impact. And obviously, of course, if I were to have been given the chance, being friends or talking would’ve left potential to rebuild and get back together. I doubt that he is not in contact because he needs time to recover; the break-up was his decision and it seems most likely that he wanted out because of my clinginess, while he explained that I should use the no contact to move on because I shouldn’t be too expectant that he’d get to me if I reach him because it looked like his life was going to get even busier. Furthermore, I believe it’s the clinginess impression that is preventing us from at least contacting each other because I don’t have hard feelings from the situation or about him, I genuinely wouldn’t think the friend-zone sucks, and I am completely confident in both of our abilities to overcome things like awkwardness that might come in initial interactions with an ex, and I have tried to convey that, and yet his mind hadn’t changed. It has been just over 2 weeks since our break up or any interaction, and today I completed exactly 2 weeks of no contact. I have anxiety and fear about the future because we don’t see each other, I’m expected to not contact him, and I don’t know what I can do if no contact doesn’t work. I’m afraid of letting the “out of sight, out of mind” effect take place if it becomes too long, but I’m also afraid that even though I will definitely focus on myself before I next see him or talk to him and will act normal and friendly as I plan to, that things will get worse and I’m further seen as clingy. It also is difficult to predict when I might get to see him under a pretext such as the annual event because his friends at this point think he might avoid coming and it might be long until I find another occasion an encounter can happen and he won’t think that I came for a sole purpose involving him. I’m also considering sending a birthday wish, which happens to fall exactly on the 45th day I’d be following through with no contact, but am not sure if doing so would be seen as a conscious effort to get back together that could drive him away, and am yet also leaning towards doing because I want to apply the common courtesy of wishing a person I know happy birthday. I am uncertain about what my approach in the short and long term should be. I ultimately want to get back together, though my current goal is to get back in contact again and actually be able to focus on myself in such times when my mind stays stuck in his memory to comfort me and give me hope, and a big part of that, be able to get good grades and be able to enjoy things I used to again. I am still in contact with his friends who are now mutual friends, but I seem to not be able to reach my ex if I try to because my number is blocked and I believe he’s tried to ignore my Facebook messages from before the break-up. I am not sure what to do other than no contact because there’s this expectation on both ends that we won’t be talking to each other because that’s what he suggested me to do, and I don’t see him messaging me or anything because he made this decision and seems to have wanted the space from me, and we also did not message each other often; it was usually after a week at the earliest, so maybe because it was relatively infrequent, he isn’t habituated enough to communication that isn’t in person to make him feel expectant of me saying something to him first or at all. I have a feeling that no contact is going to go through without him talking to me, but I will still give it a try; what should I do if such becomes the case? Thank you so much for considering this situation and any insight that may be provided!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 26, 2016 at 3:00 pm
Hi Anon,
check this ones:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
Clarice80
November 22, 2016 at 11:37 pm
Hello,
What if your ex has no social media and you dont have any friends of his nearby that would see me improving myself. How would NC work in this instance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 8:13 pm
There’s still a chance that he would be curious and check your accoun either during nc or after it
Lauren
November 22, 2016 at 10:02 pm
Hi Amor,
I would really like your advice…
Me and my boyfriend have been on and off for 9 months. The first time he ended it saying he didn’t want a relationship- that lasted a week. The second time he said some really horrible things all over text- that me and him weren’t meant to be and that he didn’t really like me that much. I acted crazy begging him and I went round to his house to talk and acted more crazy. I did NC for two weeks. Then we started Snapchat messaging and then back to fb messaging and finally meeting up. We got back together without really ever discussing our problem. (Poor communication) we were all good, apart from the occasional argument where he was giving me no communication and I was acting like a brat, until the other week we had a massive argument because he cancelled on me without telling me why. I texted him like crazy which he said was pushing him away. He went back to Greece (he’s Greek) for a few days to see his friends and when he came back he ended things. He said he has been unhappy and this weekend he realised and he had only gotten back with me before because of my persistence. (I find this hard to believe as we were regularly spending our weekends together and he got me a very personal birthday present not that long ago. This time I didn’t say anything. I left it until the next day when I asked if we could talk. He said he had said everything he had to say. I broke NC yesterday asking if we could talk. He still refused. Then rather than leaving it, I carried on saying things to which he didn’t reply. This morning I apologised and wished him a good week. I plan to get back on track and do NC for 30 days.
My question is as it has been quite an on and off relationship do you think I have a chance? Do you think because I’ve broken NC and now look so weak desperate I have chance? Do you think he said those mean things but doesn’t really mean them?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 24, 2016 at 7:02 pm
Hi lauren,
I replied to your previous post. I’m just going to copy paste may answer there here ok?
Hi Lauren,
let’s do nc as one last try this time. finish 45 days. Focus in changing yourself,your routine and your life.
Aradhana
November 21, 2016 at 5:59 am
Hi, it’s been one month that me and my boyfriend broke up. I was in a 2 years living relationship with him. He’s the one who pursued me for a committed rel. He even asked for marriage. Since we knew each other well since childhood, I gave a thought and his emotional vulnerability allowed me to give him a chance. He’s the one who told me when I was not paying too much of attention to him, that he kissed and put his hands inside my very own best friend. Hearing that I couldn’t tolerate my anger and was off. He then asked for forgiveness many a times, came home begging, showing how deeply sorry he was and so! I gave him a chance and was happily with him. During my stay with him, I felt that he’s a narcissist. I have figured out that he was flirting with many other girls. The most hurtful event happened when i saw a text in his cellphone that he’s asking his roommate to come late as a girl is coming to his place. And when I saw the date of the message, I lost control of everything. I felt cold and couldn’t feel the ground. The date of the message is the date when my father expired. How on earth, someone can be so cold? No humanity left? I cried and cried. I asked him to say me the truth and I will leave. He didn’t. He knelt and asked for forgiveness and give him another chance. I was in a deep depression thinking about his infidelity. After few months, I forgave and moved on as I was in great pain with or without him. So, I thought of giving a chance and try fixing the relationship and have better days ahead. Lately, he called me and I went to his place where I see two of his friends whose records are not good with girls. One of those two guys tried to get physical with me in my boyfriend’s absence and I asked him to leave and told everything to my boyfriend. Even after knowing this, when I saw my boyfriend with that jerk shook me off and had a bad argument with my boyfriend. When I went outside to get some air, he dropped my bag with the caretaker and asked me to leave for home. That day he blocked him everywhere and didn’t contact me back. I once went to his place to grab my things, there he humiliated me infront of his those jerks and call his mom and says that I demanded myself to be there. Where I just said, ‘ I gave the right in this place for at least 5 minutes of talk with you about what exactly happened’. His mom calls me and abuses me and asked me to leave his place. I was cold and lost all my senses. But I didn’t abused his mom back. I had hold on to my dignity and self respect and came out and left his place! I just don’t know what happened and this is still eating me from inside! Please help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 11:28 pm
Hi Aradhana,
we don’t advise going back to abusive relationships.. If he’s emotionally abusing you, you should move on..
kritika
November 13, 2016 at 2:07 pm
i bf broke with but after the breakup when m call him he comes meet me but after some time he come in another relationship .but after sometime his new gf kup with him because she was a another relation .after some time my bf relz his mistake and come to me but after 3 or 4 days same girl call him and he left me ………….she has a bf which was out of town they spend there whole time together in college bt she tell him that she was a bf …………i dont no what to do ………..i really miss him …….he left the college after 1 month ……….
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 15, 2016 at 2:15 pm
Hi Kritika,
correct me if I’m wrong, your ex now is with his new gf?
Girnyy
November 8, 2016 at 11:34 am
Hi Chris,
I need advice so badly.
My ex and I have known each other since January of this year, and we got into closed terms since last June. We started a relationship since then and through this time he was giving hints that he is unsure of the future of our relationship.
Then last August he mentioned that he has another girlfriend who was waiting for him since three years. I understand this is cheating. I could not accept it at that time and could not move on as I was in love with him deeply.
And also he says he has given her a promise to marry because of the things she had done for him (the help she has done.) But he says that he does not want to marry her so he says that he plans to procrastinate the marriage. So that her parents would find a partner to her.(Her parents are seeking for partners for her already)
Since August I have been telling him to take a suitable decision, not in an annoying way, also giving him some space at the same time. But he says that there is a lot of time ahead to plan his marriage. So he says we should wait to see what happens in the future.
He says that he truly loves me and i feel it. He has introduced me to his parents as a good friend and got me involved in his every work.
Since August he did not meet her for sure but recently he met her after returning from abroad after a short vacation, may be to give a gift.After this I got upset and I said that I am unable to go ahead like this. He said if it is difficult to remain in the relationship like this we should be best friends.
I said I need to stay alone for sometime and I am in my sixth day of No Contact Period.Recently our exams started and he sent a BEST WISHES message yesterday during NC, but i did not reply.
I really need our relationship to work as there are so many things common in us and I feel that I can lead a good life with him..
Is there a chance to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 11, 2016 at 6:46 pm
Hi Girnyy,
there’s another option, and it’s the proper one. He has to settle his matters first. If he really loves you, he’ll do that and when everything is right, he’ll get you back.. Dont settle.. Move on, yes you have a lot in common but dont let another person treat you in the way he did..
Saralynn
November 7, 2016 at 3:14 am
My boyfriend broke up with me after having a long and annoying conversation where I have to admit I really pushed things, he tried to save the conversation but then he just suggested it would be best if we broke up.. a week later I texted him I love you (hadn’t read the NC rule) he replied with hi, how have you been, I said Hi, I’ve been better.. and then he said Take care! I really hope you are very well. AND THAT WAS IT, it’s been almost 4 weeks since he broke up with me. Is it too late to apply the NC rule?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 6:55 pm
Hi Saralynn,
it looks like it is late..but jf you really want to try, take nc as a last approach..
debpriya daaas
November 5, 2016 at 9:35 am
Hi,
My situation is very worst ..So i am engaged to my fiancee and our families are involved…I am from INDIA and you know how its is..So in our relationship or main problem started with his mother interfering too much in our life .I tried to explain him he dint understand.So we had a big fight now our families got involved and we broke up.His problem is he never accepts his fault and wants me change….Our families are involved in our fight our situation have become very complicated and now after breakup he is saying he going to get married in one month time …This is fucking my brain …I dont know what to do ..Please help…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 8:59 pm
Hi Depriya,
when did you last talked? He probably just said that to annoy you.. Set aside other people’s opinion for now, because you can’t control that. You can only control yourself. Do you want to try to do the no contact rule?
Tristen
November 4, 2016 at 5:15 pm
Hi, I definitely need advice.
I’m in college, and during the spring semester, I had a TA for one of my classes, that wasn’t too much older than me. Our relationship was appropriate during the semester, but it was obvious towards the end that we had a lot in common and liked each other. Neither of us acted on anything. We kept it professional and never saw each other off campus. I took a summer course and once again this TA was part of the course. Throughout the summer we kept things professional, but the chemistry was undeniable by the time that semester ended. There is also something else… I had recently (during the spring) broken up with my ex of 3 years. It was a very bad relationship that I was so glad to be out of. However, my ex couldn’t let go. He kept trying to get back with me. Because of the threats he was making, I, out of fear of him doing something to me or to himself, decided to play things “safe” and stay in contact with him. Big mistake. He interpreted that as me inching towards getting back together. I told him about the TA one night. He didn’t take it well. I was not in contact with the TA over my short summer break, I felt it was probably best to let it go, because I didn’t want my ex to act out. Finally, the fall semester started. After the first few weeks, I ran into the TA. He was happy to see me. We caught up asking each other how our break was. He then said it was nice to see me and that I should stop by the TA office if I’m ever around. I took him up on the offer and went to visit him several times throughout the semester. Things were going pretty well. During one of the visits, he asked me out. I said yes. We didn’t make specific plans, but I made the mistake of informing my ex. I wanted him to know that he should move on and to please leave me alone. That really blew him up. He decided to contact my school and accuse the TA of being a sexual predator amongst other allegations. The superiors at school notified me about what my ex had done. I explained to them that none of the allegations were true and that my ex was just out to sabotage me. I explained that I’m no longer his student and will never be again, I won’t even have classes in his department. I also expressed my concern on apologizing to him. One of the superiors said that if I wanted to apologize, to do so during office hours. I wanted to apologize to the TA, because he did not deserve any of this, especially because he didn’t know I had a crazy ex. I waited a couple weeks for things to “calm down” a little, but I couldn’t deal with myself knowing the problems I’d caused. Finally, I worked up the courage to apologize to the TA in person. He looked miserable! I’ve never seen him look like that. I felt so bad, my heart broke at the sight of him. After staring at each other in silence for quite some time, I asked if I could have a moment to speak to him, he said no. Then very, very slowly shut the door in my face. As much as I wanted to stop him from shutting the door, I didn’t. I felt like he wanted me to stop him, but neither of us did. I fought back the tears and left defeated. I’ve since then distanced myself from my ex, but my question is: could I ever fix things between the TA and I? Does he want nothing to do with me? While I understand why he’s upset, I just wanted the chance to apologize to him in person. I’m devastated. I hope one day he can forgive me. I never wanted to jeapordize his career.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 1:35 pm
Hi Tristen,
just give him time.. And then gatger courage to try again.. he’ll listen even if he doesnt look like he doesnt want to
Maria C
October 27, 2016 at 6:03 pm
I reached out to an old high school bf on fb. Turns out after much talking that we were both in marriages where the spouses had been unfaithful. He said he loved her but was no longer in love with her. Our continued contact grew and grew long distance in two different states now. He told me he had carried a torch for years. That he had always wondered about me. His biggest concern was getting her emotionally and financially independent. That he wanted to be as good of a man as he could be and not one that I would be worried would ever step out on me. So over the course of two months he and his wife had increasingly in depth conversations about their life together. She felt him letting go. There were alot of tears for her and some for him too. We continued making plans for a future together. Our contact was constant via text, pinterest, fb, phone calls that lasted for hours, we even put each other to bed. He sent me his paystubs, 401k, banking information everything. Then one day prior to him getting to where he wanted to be with his wife’s situation, she got on his fb account and found one of our conversations and called him at work. He had already told her a few weeks before about me and having an emotional affair with me. She thought it was over but clearly it wasn’t. He also had a back up place to stay for when he made his move. He texted me to call him at work, I did and he told me she knew. He left work for home talking to me the whole way. He said he would call after they were done. And he did about 45 minutes after, saying she had packed his things and that he knew he would feel free once he left the house. So off he went to the back up place. Roll the clock forward and she over the next 3 to 4 weeks went back and forth between sad and angry at him. Emailing, texting, calling etc. He did get sad for a few days but they had a long phone call. She said she needed to hear it from him, he told her he loved me and wanted a divorce and felt like they both got some closure. Our relationship just skyrocketed from that point forward, more than I thought was possible. He sent me roses and gifts. Our conversations and texting continued the same and constant throughout the day with phone calls every night for hours. His wife filed for divorce and he forwarded me the email from her lawyer and said he was super happy. So we made plans for dividing finances etc. The ball was rolling. Then a weekend for him to fly up came and here he was after years. We were together the whole weekend. It was beautiful. He did say he was feeling guilty and while he was with me – she kept emailing and texting. He read some of it to me. When I took him the airport Sunday he was withdrawing. He texted less and when he arrived home we talked on the phone for an hour plus. The next morning he said he felt so conflicted and that his stomach was torn up – that it hurt and it sucked. Well I got texts from his wife and my spouse. They had been talking at least I thought so but turns out it was my spouse being sneaky. I sent him screen shots of what was sent. And suddenly he blocked me on fb, deleted our pinterest account, blocked my calls everything in a space of an hour was gone. I flipped out and flew out to see him. When I arrived he acted like I was crazy told me I needed to leave I told him to please just talk to me and he would not. I said just say you don’t love me anymore like 15 times and he wouldn’t, only that I needed to leave and that what he put his wife through was wrong that even after all that she was willing to reconcile. I said then it should be easy, if you don’t love me then you should be able to say no. But you haven’t and if you can’t say no then you still love me. He said you shouldn’t have flown out here. He was so cold and stern. My heart was just fn breaking. I said say it then just say you don’t love me. He said, fine then I don’t love you. It was so flip. I said then why doesn’t my heart believe you. He said please leave – I’m not doing this. I’m not having this conversation. So I left. I got in the cab and cried my eyes out. I didn’t know the man I had loved for so many months. No tenderness, no warmth – nothing.
I kept trying to contact him. I sent him pictures and letters trying to reach him. I got in touch with him one time on the phone after I turned my caller id off. He answered and said his name. I said hi, long pause, no response, I said how are you. Pause… he said fine I’m at work. I said I didn’t know and then I said I miss you. He said I’ve got to go and hung up. That’s the last I heard from him. He received the last letter yesterday. That makes 17 days. I just read all this on the website and have completely screwed the situation up. How do I get him to talk to me again. Do I do the no contact rule now?? I need advice and help please.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 29, 2016 at 12:32 am
Hi Maria,
Yes, it’s better to do no contact rule.. Start the count for 30 day no contact after this.. Don’t chase again and focus in improving and healing
Bebop2
October 25, 2016 at 6:27 pm
Hello, I have an interesting situation. I broke up with my ex just over a month ago after almost six years together. I started dating someone new immediately after (I know, mistake) that I had worked with for about 6 months or so. He was a horrible texter since the beginning and his family and friends said he has always been that way. He said that he was scared I’d go back to my ex and wanted to give me at least six months to get over him., while in the mean time we would get to know each other. This was also a super busy time for him at work, which he explained would slow down in a month or so and he said I was getting over stuff anyway. He wouldn’t sleep with me and said we should wait the six months, or at least try. We also discussed future plans of travelling and working together. Just over a week ago, I got frustrated with him not calling me like he said he would and he also cancelled plans with me one Thursday night. I ended up sending a drunk text saying lots of stupid things… jealous comments about about a girl he had seen in the past, I was going to go over there etc… no reply, so I sent a a text saying I was done, and not to talk to me again. I also deleted him and his friends on FB because I was so upset and done that night. I never received a response. I apologized and have not written since. I feel horrible about the drunk texts. I know I was legit upset, I didn’t need to get angry… thoughts?
Bebop2
October 25, 2016 at 6:34 pm
I also want to add that we discussed getting into a relationship and that he did text me, just to a minimum. I’m use to more communication from my ex. I really feel like this needed to happen in a way, because I was not completely ready to date yet. I do however really respect him and think he’s amazing. No ego, just a down to earth, honest, hard working guy. I could tell he was truly into me. I know timing may have been off. I just want to know of you think I should give up on it completely, or try after 30-90 days again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 7:38 pm
Hi Bebop2,
DId you break up with your 6 years for him? Because I’m thinking if you’re seeing him as a rebound or a grass is greener syndrome.. but either way, it would be better if you could get over and heal from a break up independently..
Kay-leigh
October 24, 2016 at 11:33 am
Please I need specialized help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 8:22 pm
hi kay leigh,
why?
Jen
October 23, 2016 at 6:37 pm
Hello,
My ex and I broke up officially couple months ago. We’ve dated for about 2 years, with lots of ups and downs. He probably got tired of it and finally decided to back off from me.. When we first almost officially broke up, I begged him to come back. I implemented many strategies from here and from other websites, and he eventually came back to me. First time was crazy because I didn’t think that he will ever get his feelings back for me, but amazingly he did! Unfortunately, now he seems like he doesn’t want to get back with me..
I implemented the strategies again, hoping that he will come back once more. After the no contact period of more than 3 months (which i sent him a “good memory” text after 1 month, and started the no contact rule again, and then repeat..), he still doesn’t seem to want to get back with me. He never talks to me first, doesn’t drunk call anymore, etc. But when we coincidentally meet, he is flirty with me (and only me), and of course, he tries to have sex with me at the end of the night, which I rejected.
So, I have implemented most of the strategies, including NCR, and sending text messages, but HOW CAN I GET HIM TO TEXT ME FIRST? Or make him start the convo first?? Do you think there is no chance for me at this point?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 12:38 pm
Hi Jen,
if there is no rapport, he will really not do that..unless he’s attracted to you again ..even if you did a lot of nc, did you genuinely change? how much did you improve? Why did you another no contact after sending a text after 3 months of nc?
Feeling Hopeless
October 17, 2016 at 6:34 am
Hi
To start with I am an awful, horrible person I was separated but living with a guy who was violent towards me making me fearful of my situation and feeling trapped. I have two teenage children who adore their father and just think they have a clumsy mother – but who saw major unhappiness and want us apart. It was hard for me to leave I had no money no job no access to anything – however I did have a seperate life.
A year ago I met a man that I never intended to fall in love with – the connection was instant and binding – and grew and grew. I fell in love with him but I lied 🙁 I was too scared of my situation to tell him. We both fell head over heels in love to the point he tried to propose to me. I shut him down obviously knowing to sort my own situation out and leave. The truth has since come out and I have left that situation. At first he said he loved me so much he would do anything and we would try to work it out. Three days later we argued and I went crazy at the thought of losing him – begging him for forgiveness. He says everything was a lie and he will never trust me again. I asked for a chance to prove it because he honestly is my soul mate and the person I will never stop loving. He is feared I will do the same to him in a few years and I will say without doubt that I never ever would. We are in our 30s. He was not my escape he is my best friend. We helped each other find and out love was insanely strong. He wanted to marry me- I was his entire world. I have told him I will do whatever it takes to show that – I will shout from rooftops, I will give him access to my phone, social media the works and I will never hide a thing and let him know where I am at all times. I am more than willing too – I see how much better we can be with more time together. However I did lie and no excuses it is my fault. But I do want him back. He has blocked me on everything- phone, social media, email and calls. He will not respond at all and for the last four days. He has gone on a complete bender with friends I don’t know – doing silly things. My worry for him is Crazy. I have tried to msg him from other friends phones and let him know the trouble I am in but he doesn’t care – blocking them too. He called the police that I will self harm and to check my welfare he has had every friend from back home overseas block me and delete me. Including his family. My ex is playing games thinking it is hilarious and telling him it was happy etc etc (no chance) – I feel so helpless and guilty and horrible to destroy the one person I have ever truly loved like thi
How do I get him to speak to me to know the truth? Is there any chance at all that he will remember his love for me and open the door to let me prove to him that my love is real? What do I do I’m going crazy at the thought of losing him forever
Feeling Hopeless
October 17, 2016 at 6:45 am
Also forgot to say – he has had this happen in the past and he told me he never once felt as strong for that person as he did for me. We were overseas when I told him and he chose to come home wanting it to work but I think me going crazy pushed him away .
I only have 8 weeks before he goes home at Xmas and says he is never coming back (he was Here for me) . Is there any hope at all that if he loves me as he says he won’t forget that? And possibly will give me a chance even if it is so hard? I’m trying to no contact now and I’m working on me and recently got my own place. The hardest part is we were each other’s best friends as well as the love we shared and I have no one now to talk to making no contact so hard. I promise the world he is the person I want to spend my life making happy and I do understand I have so much work to do to win trust back – but how do I even get him to remember how he felt in the first place? Is there any chance? Or since he has had every one block me I am nothing anymore ? Can someone really turn their feelings off like that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 18, 2016 at 4:06 pm
Hi Felling hopeless,
that’s good that you have your own space place now..that’s the first step.. nope, he cant just turn his feelings off for you but the hurt and anger is greater now.. If you really want a chance, turn your life around.. check this one too. I think this is what you should follow:
Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
tara
October 14, 2016 at 5:48 pm
My ex blocked me on social media for a few weeks after a falling out. Recently he added me back on everything and has has reached out to me for plans, so i said maybe if i had the time. He asked if i was okay with friendship and i told him yes and then i ignored the next text i received from him. I then contacted him the next day and he was friendly but distant. I asked him if he still wanted those plans and if he’d be comfortable with them and he asked why he’d be uncomfortable and then said “we’ll see” when it came to actually making these plans. I’m not sure why he’d unblock me and then ask for plans the next day only to act distant and hesitant the next? I still really care for him but am afraid he’s moving on and only contacted me to see if i would respond. He’s also been liking my pictures on social media.
tara
October 17, 2016 at 3:28 pm
He’s even started liking other girls posts about relationships and cuddling. I feel like if he had any potential to miss me he wouldn’t do that. I think after he blocked me for a few weeks he took time to get over me and finally is now. I wish i knew why he added me back and asked me to go for walks with him only to stop interacting with me all together, but I don’t feel it’s because he misses me. I’ve unfriended him from everything. He can still see my posts because he isn’t blocked and can still contact me, but I couldn’t keep seeing him interacting with all of these girls who aren’t me.
tara
October 16, 2016 at 12:04 am
also we were together for nearly half a year. We spent almost everyday together before school started back up.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 17, 2016 at 10:00 am
I think he’s unsure whether to go back with you because he’s not sure if you’ve really changed. Try doing a 30 day no contact rule.. Just focus in improving yourself and continue the routine that you will start in it even after 30 days.. You can initiate contact after 30 days but if you’re blocked continue no contact until 45 days.. If you’re still blocked by then, decide until when you would wait before moving on..
tara
October 16, 2016 at 12:02 am
I’m 18 and he is 17. He broke up with me because i became moody and clingy. He said it was because he didn’t want to be in a relationship right now but i believe i behaved very clingy and moody. He told his friends he couldn’t handle how rude i was being. We tried staying friends after the breakup but i fought with him and he blocked me for a few weeks. I then had a fun night with some friends and my friend posted lot of the pics to social media and that night he added me back on everything I’m not sure why he would ask me to go for walks with him sometime and start liking all my posts only to stop contacting me and liking my posts. He seems distant when i try to message him now and i’ve noticed him liking lots of posts from other girls. I know we’re young but he really did seem to love me when we were together.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 3:22 am
Hi Tara,
why did you break up and how long were you together? How old are you both?
Aa
October 14, 2016 at 5:27 am
Hi! I was in a Ldr for 6 months. I met a guy online, we clicked and had a connection so after a month he asked me to his gf. At first, I was a bit reluctant but he proved to me he was serious through constant updates through text & calls everyday so I made him my bf since I will be moving to Australia. We promised each other not to flirt and I can say He didnt do anything like that. We planned to see each when I arrive. He was there to study and broke up w her long time gf cause he moved there. Last month, we had a little argument and it’s my fault. The following day, he told me that his ex is contacting him and also plans to move to australia to study and be w him. I got crazy and keep asking him about it. He assured me not to worry and it is not a problem. Just this month, I confronted him and he told me that his ex is coming same month that I will also be arriving. I asked him what’s his plan? He cried a lot & said he got confused. He told me that it would be better for us to be just friends for now cause he doesnt want me to get hurt. I got really hurt. I cried & I cant eat properly. I have high hopes that we will be together. He said when I come, he promise to see me and that’s when we’ll know our status. I tried the nc rule.. he messaged me on day 1 & day 2, i ignored them and after 3 days, i replied. He said he was hurt.. and now we’re talking again as friends. The only thing i fear is that, if he gets back to his ex, i will be out of the picture. I dont wanna lose him. What should i do? 🙁 thanks for the time.
Aa
October 19, 2016 at 12:28 pm
And also told me that he doesnt even have plans of getting back to his ex though.. gosh. Everything’s blurry.
Aa
October 19, 2016 at 12:26 pm
Hi just an update.. we still are talking. He got hurt when he found out i was talking to others. He thought we had an agreement that we will wait til we meet. So i decided to tell him that i’ll stop talking to others cause he felts bad.. and then he wounld say that it’s ok.. i dont know what to do. I think he is still into me but he’s confused with his situation – school, work in a foreign land. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just go w that flow.. is it okay?
Aa
October 15, 2016 at 5:22 am
Hey there.. the link i saw was abt the test and the result is there’s a good chance. Can i get the link? Thanks for your help. I really appreciate it a lot.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 2:49 pm
The link of the test or the first link that I gave you? I’ll just give both below ok?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
Aa
October 14, 2016 at 11:49 pm
Chances are good but I don’t know how to make this work.. should i just go with the flow? I asked him if he gets back with his ex, he answered he’s not prioritizing having a relationship right now cause he needs focus on his studies and work. We started messaging again and he updates me without me asking. What does he mean by that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 15, 2016 at 4:10 am
he doesnt want a relationship..that he wants to friendzone you. do you want to try the advice in the link I gave you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 14, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Hi Aa,
looks like you’re a rebound.. Check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
Aa
October 14, 2016 at 5:23 am
Hi! I was in a Ldr for 6 months. I met a guy online, we clicked and had a connection so after a month he asked me to his gf. At first, I was a bit reluctant but he proved to me he was serious through constant updates through text & calls everyday so I made him my bf. We promised each other not to flirt and I can say He did anything like that. We planned to meet since I’m also moving to Australia to study. He was there to study and broke up w her long time gf cause he moved there. Last month, we had a little argument and it’s my fault. The following day, he told me that his ex is contacting him and also plans to move to australia to study and be w him. I got crazy and keep asking him about it. He assured me not to worry and it is not a problem. Just this month, I confronted him and he told me that his ex is coming same month that I will also be arriving. I asked him what’s his plan? He cried a lot & said he got confused. He told me that it would be better for us to be just friends for now cause he doesnt want me to get hurt. I got really hurt. I cried & I cant eat properly. I have high hopes that we will be together. He said when I come, he promise to see me and that’s when we’ll know our status. I tried the nc rule.. he messaged me on day 1 & day 2, i ignored them and after 3 days, i replied. He said he was hurt.. and now we’re talking again as friends. The only thing i fear is that, if he gets back to his ex, i will be out of the picture. I dont wanna lose him. What should i do? 🙁 thanks for the time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 14, 2016 at 4:24 pm
Hi Aa,
looks like you’re a rebound.. Check this one:
EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?
destiny
October 13, 2016 at 2:32 am
i was talking to this guy in the summer and we were really really close. we stayed on FaceTime like 24/7 he would call me as soon as i got home from school. we talked about about deep stuff And i legit thought he was the one. He told me he wanted me really bad(but he wanted to hang out more outside of school to ask me out) he even told me he loved me and talked about marrying me when i turn 18(we both in high school and go to the same school) and he would always kiss me after school and sometimes even during school and he would call me bae and his girl even in front of his friends even tho we were in the talking stage it was like we were dating.but then all off a sudden he stopped talking to me and he ignore me for the rest of the summer and wasn’t responding to any text and he would read them. Were back in school and for the first couple of weeks he was ignoring me which i didn’t think he would do to my face. and we have classes together. then i started crying in class one day cuz i was really hurt and had bottled up emotions and he seen me and then at the end of the day it was raining hard and he took off his sweater and gave it to me(which i still have btw) but he still wasn’t calling. then a couple days later he friendzoned me and when i got a little mad he said keep acting like that and we won’t be anything. Then like less than a week later he called me saying he still has feelings for me and then he started talking to me in school more but not really at home. But now he’s back to ignoring me again and I’m pissed off now cuz i feel like he’s just playing games now and i dont have time for it. Today he even closed the door in my face twice! I know its time to let go but at the same time i dont want to cuz i wanna be with him and i feel like he’s the only one i wanna be with like i tried moving on after he friendzoned me that day i kissed 2 people(one of my guy friends said that i should just messed with other people cuz when he breaks up with someone that makes him feel better so i tried) but it didn’t feel right at all. And i dont know why I’m so persistent over him cuz hes been treating me like shit for months and playing with my emotions and its like he down even care. But I’m gonna try to start to talking to this kid manny that i kinda like and i think he likes me to cuz we talk and he be winking at me. It just sucks that things have to be this way cuz i feel like i dont know him like he switched up on me so bad cuz this isn’t the person i thought i knew he was so sweet and now he’s a asshole.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 13, 2016 at 3:26 pm
Hi Destiny,
Why not try doing no contact rule this time?
Harley123
October 10, 2016 at 1:24 pm
So this guy comes to my house and over the time that we’ve know each other we ended up falling for each other. After a few years it seems to me he lost interest. Im guessing hes a fuckboy. But when ever I see him I cry and he looks the other way. Y is this
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 10:21 am
Hi Harley123,
if he’s really a player, then that’s just normal that he wouldn’t care because he is a player.. That’s how they are..
Amber
October 7, 2016 at 2:39 am
Hi, I have been with my ex for a year and 3 months. He broke up with me over a text and said it was because he just couldnt do it anymore, he cant give me what I need and that we would keep arguing more in the future. We would see each other very rearly because he didint had time. And most of time I would tolarate that but sometimes I would get mad. Whenever I would get mad, It didint even happen often, he would just ignore me. I would feel like my feelings arent important at all and in the end he would say that he was just lazy and he would fix that. He is depressed and anxioused. After that break up text I answered him to try and rethink things and I asked could I call him back. Its been 26 days after the break up but he never answered back. I have been doing the no contact, and didint talk to him or see him after the break up.What bothers me the most is that our break up was never resolved or explained and I think he was in love with his ex. He started acting wierd ever since he became friends with her. I really need advice. I am 22 years old, good looking, a talented artist, and on my last year of college. All my friends tell me I was out of his league and I still dont understand anything. I feel like he is punishing me but I dont know why. Should I contact him or wait more ? Im really sorry for this long message. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2016 at 5:35 pm
Hi Amber,
Even if you didn’t talk to him for 26 days now, have you improved yourself? Because that is the most important part of no contact rule..