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Post categories
Mic
March 25, 2016 at 12:10 pm
What would you even add to “I have a confession to make…” I need some examples to kind of understand what you would add to this so I could make my own.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 31, 2016 at 9:09 am
Hi Mic,
It’s okay if you rarely talk because of the reception as long as you have a good talk that he would want to talk again to you the next time. With the I have a confession to make, you have to rely on your real experiences. It can be humorous. That is just to make him respond, so whatever you reply can be anything to very light to moderate. Don’t choose a heavy topic. Like, you’ve always liked basketball like him but you’re just to shy to admit.. something like that.
Sandy
March 17, 2016 at 10:14 am
Hi Chris I don’t know how to start but I need your help to understand my ex.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 17, 2016 at 2:29 pm
Hi Sandy,
If you’re not comfortable commenting your story, you can send it in an email at [email protected] and our team mate Ms Cheese will help you out 🙂
Andie
March 8, 2016 at 7:44 pm
Chris, I broke up with my boyfriend three weeks ago. The break up was out of blue, I was not anticipating it at all. He said his feelings have changed and he thinks it’s not going to work out anymore. I cried a lot over phone when he told me all these things. I did try to reach out to him after the break up and he did speak to me 2-3 times and blocked my number after. But later on I found out that he was lying to me all through the relationship. He never really loved me. He lied about his job and a lot of other things. I did send him an email saying that I got to know about his secrets and all the lies. Since then there has been no contact. He removed me and my friends from his every social networking account. I do miss him a lot. I just want to speak to him once just to get answers of my questions and end the relationship on a better note. But I don’t know how to go about it. I have a feeling he won’t speak to me at all. Please suggest what I should to as he’s moving to another city next month. I just want to see him once before he leaves.
Andy
May 5, 2017 at 5:17 pm
Hi There, There is a guy that I met sometime ago. I kind of liked him but he was looking only for something casual. He kept pinging me once in while and kept asking if I am ready for something casual. I told him clearly that I don’t want anything casual but I want to see him and explore to see where it goes. He did ping me about a month ago asking for the same thing. But I again told him that i don;t want anything casual. Yesterday he pinged me again and in the middle of the conversation he told me that he’s got engaged. When I asked him that it was very quick, he replied he its been only four months since he first met his fiance. I then recalled that he talked to me about casual thing about a month ago ..but to this he said he’s happy and wouldn’t want it another way. Then he tells me that he proposed to her a week ago. I congratulated him and asked if we could meet up casually before he gets married. He sounded excited but when i told him to meet up for coffee, he replied back saying he thinks meeting wouldn’t be appropriate now. I told him that talking wouldn’t be appropriate either then . To which he said, goodbye then and good luck.
I am so confused by his behavior. Do you think he actually got engaged or he’s just making it up? What does he actually want?
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 6, 2017 at 4:33 pm
whether he got or not, he’s not serious with you.. so, it would be better to move on from him.
Andie
March 12, 2016 at 8:09 pm
Do you think I should contact him after 4 weeks or ask my friend to contact him? I feel like he wants to run away because of the guilt that he must be going through. He played me well and he doesn’t want to face me or keep any contact.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 13, 2016 at 6:33 am
don’t as your friend..that can be annoying for him, You can initiate and try afyer 4 weeks..let’s hope you’re unblocked by then
Andie
March 9, 2016 at 10:55 pm
Hi Amor,
Thank you for you reply. Yes, he has blocked me from everywhere that we were connected at like facebook, whatsapp, phone number. There has been no contact at all since two weeks. I will continue to be in no contact until 4 weeks. But why wouldn’t he want to talk to me at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 11, 2016 at 7:13 am
maybe because he’s not ready to explain to you why he lied
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 9, 2016 at 5:29 pm
HI Andie,
The truth is, he may not talk to you instantly.. You can try to give him time and do no contact, if he unblocks you before he leaves then good, that can mean he’s open to talking but if not, then that means you have to wait until you’re unblocked? Are you on full block?
Noelle Ocala
March 6, 2016 at 6:45 am
Hello,
My boyfriend broke up with me last month after 2 years of being together, and its been 3 weeks since we have talked (I’m trying to live out the NC rule). Anyways, before we broke up, we had been getting into what seemed like constant arguments. I threatened the break up a lot of times (with a clearer mind, i think it was because i wanted attention). I had been feeling like he wasn’t that “in love” and happy with me as he was when we started dating. So, I believe that my insecurity for how he felt in the relationship translated to my constant arguments with him I have also been going through a lot of personal stuff and he didn’t like how much I relied on him (and i don’t think he liked how negative i have been). Me relying on him a lot made him feel very pressured and “committed” and it was overwhelming for him so he broke up with me. When he broke up with me, he said he didn’t know if he ever loved me, even when he would tell me he did, and you could tell he is just so confused about how he feels about me. I have been giving him this space but I am scared that he is learning that is life is better without me, or he found another girl. I regret so much treating him the way I did. I have realized that through the relationship, he actually did care about me (i just was blind to it). But why would he give me a chance again if the relationship only stressed him out? I am hoping that with time, he remembers how strong our initial connection was and would want to work through this relationship again with me. i wish he would give me a chance. I am now at the point of waiting for him to contact me. Do you think there is a chance, how long does it usually take for the ex to contact? Thanks!
Noelle Ocala
March 7, 2016 at 1:21 am
I truthfully want to work on myself and change for the better. But I am not exactly sure how to go about that?
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 8, 2016 at 12:42 pm
You can Go out, have a make over, join classes you’ve been wanting join that you’ve out off, go to the gym or workout at home, read, do and complete a project.. spend more time with your friends.. find happiness apart from him 🙂
Noelle Ocala
March 7, 2016 at 1:20 am
I can honestly say I want to have a different energy, I want to work on myself. But I am not exactly sure how to do that.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2016 at 8:16 am
Hi Noelle,
the more imprtant thing is, are working on yourself? whether or not you gatmmet back together, that relationship taught you what you need to improve and also how capable you are to love somebody.. so, in essence…if ever you get to talking again do you have a different energy than before?
caroline
March 5, 2016 at 10:45 pm
Hi Amber,
Broken up on the 15th of January and he went overseas from 16 January – 21 Feb.
He texted on the 19th of January asking about how my new job going but I didn’t reply
Texted again on the 27th asking me to send a picture of a bag he meant to buy for my birthday. I replied to this one telling him not to worry but he insisted then I sent the picture. he asked about the new job as well and I just said it’s ok.
19th of Feb he called but I didn’t pick up but when I checked my voice mail, it seems that he’s just accidentally dialing my number.
21st of Feb – hes back in the country from his overseas trip but he hasn’t contacted me since then and not even sending me a text msg on my birthday last Friday.
Question:
1. when should the no contact period start?
2. what should I do now?
Thnx
caroline
March 6, 2016 at 8:20 am
Hi Amber,
I’m willing to consider it. I have been spoken to him about what stopping me but he never believe me. He just thinks that I make it up. I don’t know how to make him understand that I am telling the truth.
Before we’re talking, I need to know:
1 when can I stop the NC period
2.what do I need to do next?
3. how to make talk to him and make him understand/believe me?
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 7, 2016 at 5:32 am
hmmm… if you already talked to him..you probably just need to let the idea marinate in his mind.. he’ll think about your reason…as days pass.. there are the durations we usually recommend.. 21, 30 or 45 days.. I think you can just do 21 days..but since I think it’s just miscommunication in the relationship, if he asks specifically to talk, you can break no contact and talk to him in a calmest way you can.. ask him, “I don’t want you to get offended.. I just want to explain myself better, is there a reason why you don’t believe me? Did I come across as too vague? I’m hear to listen you too, so please say evrything that can help me understand you more…”
You can rephrase that but the bottomline is he has to feel heard so he will listen to you too..
if during nc he just wants a small talk, like of he’s just asking how you are, don’t answer..finish nc.. and then yiu can initiate a text to him..
Check this blog post out because it details what to do during and after no contact
The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
caroline
March 5, 2016 at 10:54 pm
Note: We’ve been together for 6.5 years and he broken up because hes ready for the next step whilst im not.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 6, 2016 at 7:56 am
Hi Caroline,
May I ask, if you wanted to go back with him, are you ready to get married now.. and if ever he contacts again..I think it’s best you talk about this first
Louise
March 5, 2016 at 7:24 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend joined the army (after me saying he should do it for years because it was something he had always wanted to do) in mid 2014- even though we were so in love he broke up with me just prior to this because he didn’t want to break my heart … Ironic huh! Anyway I thought there was no hope for me and that he didn’t want me anymore so I tried to move on and about 6 months later I met a man who seemed at it at to be perfect but it turned out he isn’t. All the while I hadn’t really gotten over my ex. He was my first real love, so I figured it would be hard anyway so I pushed the feelings away.
Whilst me still being in this deteriorating relationship, in August 2015 after basic training, my ex told me he had made a huge mistake, that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he didn’t want anyone but me & basically in short that he wanted to be with me again. It was so unbelievably lovely and all I wanted was to say yes yes! That’s all I’ve been waiting to hear!! But my head said that maybe I wouldn’t be a good army girlfriend and that I wouldn’t be happy.
Also I was fooling myself into thinking that this current man (who was NOT saying nice things) was just going through a phase and we would work out. Anyway in short I made a huge mistake and said politely no and that I was seeing someone else.
6 months on from that & I can’t stop thinking I’ve made this mistake . My ex now has a new girlfriend I think and in my heart and my head say I just want to go back to him.
I don’t know if I can even talk to him about it. He was snapchatting me for a couple of days recently but then stopped – probably because he realised he shouldn’t be talking to me…
I don’t even know if this comment is relevant- but I suppose another question I have is – should I face the fact that I wouldn’t like being an army wife/ girlfriend and just get on with my life or should I hold on hope that one day we will be together and I will be okay with the him being in army? It scares me a little bit but at the same time being with him would make me happy.
My concerns originally were based around the fact that he wasn’t showing he was commited to me, knowing full well that in order for me to mean ANYTHING whilst he was posted- he had to say we were together.
In his message to me last year he also said he recognised where he was wrong and was going to be better for us. That he didn’t show his commitment and gratitude for me enough and that he has his shit together now.
However, if he waited so long before seeing his current gf then it’s probably serious and I’m too late.
Also his gf is one of our mutual friends from home.
Anyway thanks for reading / listening .
My heart is still breaking and it’s nearly been 2 years . I don’t know what to do & I needed to vent .
Also, this page has been very informative thank you.
Xoxo
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 5, 2016 at 10:42 am
Hi Louise,
Only you can answer that.. if you really don’t want an army husband, then how would the relationship work..take time to reflect and think about what you really want and feel
Ellana
February 23, 2016 at 10:32 pm
We are in our 40’s were very happy for over 2 years, we had almost the perfect relationship. We had a big fight over misunderstanding, I was very angry at him but we stayed together. 3 days after the fight he met his mum and broke up with me. He actually said that he needs space. I panicked and begged him. Then didn’t contact him for 20 days. He was responding, but then he blocked me completely. I know that his mother is involved in this because he said that he feels between the hummer and the anvil. I know he loves me and suffers from depression after the break up. It has been 5 months since and he initiated sex twice when I tried to see him. I know I shouldn’t but I kept confessing my love sending gifts to his kids. Today he asked me again to not contact him, he said he can’t cope physically and mentally. He said also that he’s seeing someone else but I don’t believe that because I know he wouldn’t have sex with me if he was with another woman. Also his Facebook is full of pictures with me and my stuff from my business which another woman wouldn’t stand. I promised to not contact him but still will love him always. I can’t change my heart. He is very stubborn and under the influence of his 70 yrs old mum who is single and dating numerous men. I really don’t know how to help us both, he is confused for sure. I would be grateful for any help. Thank you so much for the great website!
Ellana
February 24, 2016 at 1:03 pm
Hi, yes I am going to do NC a long long one, this is what he wants as well, that’s why I am worried that it won’t work. He actually mentioned many times that I have pushed him away by begging him. I just want to believe that I haven’t damaged my chances completely. I know he has feelings for me. He’s so angry that I smashed our relationship for a night, but I’m sure that he still loves me. He’s very very stubborn. I know that the time will show but I cannot manage with the situation. I have been trying hard with professional help as well and I can’t change. I cannot stop crying, I have lost weight dramatically and my life doesn’t worth living anymore. It’s been 5 months now. I’ve put all my strength to get better, have made myself looking better as well, have made new friends, have expanded my business, but all I want is to get better with him. I asked him to be friends only, I just need him in my life but he’s so so angry. At the same time he is so curious about my private life. If he doesn’t want me at all, why is he so interested in me and intimate contact with me (he’s completely monogamous by the way) why is he having me all over his public Facebook? I just need to believe that miracles happen, I am writing here with cry for help. I spent so much buying relationship books and private coaching, I do not know what to do anymore. Shall I just stop contacting him completely or can I do something after a period of time like 60 days maximum or more? He said that he wants to move on, but I am sure that he says that because he’s just as desperate as me and listens to his mother. I’ve been married twice and had a few other relationships, I’ve never had a problem breaking up, I have never been in so loving relationship like this with him. It will be a mistake to finish it. He knows that as well but how to change the situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2016 at 10:16 am
we can’t control others.. that’s why it’s very important that we have standards because people who come and go in our life are either within our standards or we’re the one adjusting to them..
Most of the time people make different actions than what they say, but actions speak than words.. It can mean he can’t let go yet, or he’s just used to speaking to you.. But whatever it is, you have to be strong enough to let other people, so when they decise to stay, they will stay knowing what you and what you don’t want
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 11:55 am
Hi Ellana,
Would you like to do nc?
Jennifer m
February 22, 2016 at 10:14 pm
He’s not my boyfriend but we have been best friends for years and recently things started going farther. We had somewhat of an argument today and he completely stopped responding in the middle of the conversation and won’t respond at all. I’ll admit I sent a bunch of needy texts afterwards but I stopped. I am devestated right now. Is there any chance of repairing this? I love him and I know he loves me. I must have really hurt his feelings because he has never done this before. I want him back so bad. Is it possible?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 24, 2016 at 4:46 am
Yiu’ve apologized so let it sink in in him and Let him cool off for now..
Sofia
February 21, 2016 at 12:19 am
We didn’t really “end” things, we just needed a time apart.
But we stopped talking last week, on Sunday.
But here’s an UPDATE. After he told me he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me or not, he kinda avoided me. We actually voice chatted with our mutual friends and he was pretty friendly towards me. He was friendly even after I sent him a text message saying it was nice to spend time with him again and that I liked him a lot, he returned my words and was slightly nicer than me in his reply. Of course he wasn’t flirty, he’s treating me like a normal friend I think. We saw each other yesterday, complete coincidence, and I approached him, inquired if we could talk somewhere more private and after he agreed I asked if I could kiss him in the most adorable and innocent way I could manage (bold move, I know). He gave me an awkward smile (because he’s trying to be nice?) and said no… after I insisted about 2 or 3 more times, very nicely and carefully, he reluctantly agreed and kissed me. After that I tried to say goodbye so I could go back to my friends but he kept making up conversation while being really friendly towards me. When I managed to say goodbye he just waved (which was awkward).
So… he’s sending me SO MANY mixed signals. Avoiding me and being friendly at the same time? Telling me he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me anymore but he states he wants to keep our current hobbies in the future? I have no idea what’s happening.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2016 at 12:05 pm
oh okay.. I think you should read this first.. I think this suits your situation
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming
em34
February 19, 2016 at 6:57 pm
I broke no contact at day 23, after I saw he attended something I would’ve wanted to go to. i said oh you saw xyz? he responded with a very thorough response. it makes me feel like he didn’t want me to ask any other questions. or he was being thoughtful, who knows. but he started with “hey. yes, i did.” not exactly happy to hear from me. i did a lot to damage our relationship, we broke up numerous times, but this is the first time im working on myself. i think he may be seeing someone. hes a nice guy so he might’ve replied to be nice. he didn’t ask me how i am or anything like that. should i even respond to his response? i want to try to keep it light and short but it doesn’t sound like he wants to hear from me. i am hopeful. he was the love of my life.
Ariel
February 21, 2016 at 8:18 pm
Hi, I’m not sure where I can post a comment to ask a question myself. Where do I post my question?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2016 at 12:48 pm
Hi Ariel,
At the very, very bottom of a post, after the comments, there’s a section for commenting..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2016 at 8:11 am
Hi Em 34,
well let just say the texy wasn’t too engaging for him.. Maybe you could ask how the event went
Sofia
February 18, 2016 at 10:10 pm
Hey! Wanted to say I really appreciate your work! I just stumbled upon your websites through Google and found your videos. Subscribed, they’re great. Sent you a message on Facebook but I’ll re-post it here.
I feel like I’m still a newbie in relationships sometimes (I probably am). Something happened with my boyfriend; things got to a point where we started arguing about the small things and making stupid mistakes after spending too much time together. I got infuriated and wanted a break! So, this break helped me see things more clearly, what we can do to improve, and so on. However, it pushed him away. I think he feels like he put so much effort into the relationship, he is on his limit and told me he doesn’t know if he wants or not to be with me anymore, he doesn’t know if he should keep pursuing this. I truly understand him, after all I needed a break myself, but it really hurt to hear him say that. I tried to be as logical as I could and to let him know we can still do it, pointed out a few things that could change and gave him space but he seems to be close to ending it all. How do I prove to him we can still work without being all over him in this delicate situation? I want to get my boyfriend back, wishing very much that our situation and romance improve, but how do I do this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 19, 2016 at 10:05 am
Hi sofia,
how long have you broken up?
Chloe
February 11, 2016 at 5:34 pm
I broke up with my ex when he moved out of State (the night before he left-not nice I know). One: I was having the normal insecurity/validation issues and Two: He stopped doing those “little things” that made me feel secure and happy. We did the usual “withdrawal dance”. Otherwise, we are very well suited, never fought and have good chemistry. It has been 31 days since he left. I started meditation and feel like a totally new person. I knew I was making the same mistake I had made in prior relationships-hence why I ended things and focused on working on myself. Just a few days ago he initiated a little contact via email. I’m confused as to how to move forward. I’m starting with the little “reminder” emails and hope that will escalate to texting/calling/Skype.
However, because I ended things I’m not sure if it is my responsibility to voice my desire to try again. I know generally the man should lead, but given the circumstances I’m not sure that applies. Do I just be my new positive, happy, upbeat self and it will magically happen (or not) or do I have to actually be authentic and just say what my desire is. I’m ok if he doesn’t want to. I just want to try…but I’m still trying to understand…from the MAN point of view what will actually work, not what I, as a woman thinks will work….
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 2:05 pm
Hi Chloe,
Hmm… think of it like you don’t have a history together, and he’s your crush, and then you b started texting..how would act for him to be more interested in you and get him. to ask you out?
Do it that way, so you’re not confused on who will take the lead
Confused
February 8, 2016 at 7:12 pm
I responded to him after he broke up with me because he wanted to be friends, so I tried the friend thing and he was being a jerk so I left him alone for w couple of week. When he unfollowed me on social media I pretended I didn’t care and still didn’t talk to him. Then a week later he talked to me and I responded casually and nicely like nothing had happened and that’s when he followed me back on social media. I’m just so confused….is he playing a game? It just makes no sense to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 9, 2016 at 9:19 am
Well, it looks like he’s chasing you
Confused
February 7, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Hi Chris,
When my ex broke up with me I was devastated. He was my first love and he even talked about building a future together and all of that. When he broke up with me I was stunned because I thought I was the love of his life. Of course I still wanted him in my life even after he broke my heart, and I tried reaching out to him. Obv he didn’t want to talk to me so I left him alone. We didn’t talk for a month. He unfollowed me on social media and he seemed to be very angry with me. I asked his friends about it and one of them told me, “he’s just a tornado.” But the other day out of the blue he came up to me and started talking to me. I was really surprised because I thought he was angry at me. He then followed me back on social media. I’m know it’s only been a month but I’m so confused, I wish I could know what’s going on in his head . I still love him with all my heart.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 6:34 pm
how did you respond to him?
Marie
February 5, 2016 at 9:08 pm
Hello,
I’m just a bit confused on what to do next in rather weird and bad situation. My ex and I got together right after I had my daughter. He wasn’t the father and still wanted no matter what to be around and wanted us together even though I asked for time since I knew this situation wasn’t going to be an easy one especially since I was trying to do the best I could to get along with her father and have him around for her sake since I knew what it was like with both parents always fighting plus my family was giving me a really hard time with not being in a relationship with her father but instead wanting to be with someone else. He wasn’t comfortable with the fact that her father was always around and would constantly tell me how I couldn’t be in the same room with him which I said ok and did otherwise anyway thinking I had to do what was best for my child. Well fast forward a year and with my family’s help my daughters father got my exs number and told him that we were married so that he still could stand a chance. Which was not true at all! I had a major breakdown from the hurt of everything that was going on and shut off from everyone even told my ex to not look for me which at the time I felt was best because he was thinking the farthest thing from the truth but I believe he always wanted it to be true with his insecurities. After almost three months I contacted him he answered immediately and we met and talked about three times I thought everything was in a decent place then he kept bringing everything up. I told him the truth as to how everything went down and poured my heart out as well admitted where I knew I was wrong but all I could do was move forward be honest and accept and understand where he is coming from. He now swears there is more than what I have said and I have said everything I could and I’m even hurt because to say you fell in love with me and wanted so much instead of trying to move forward he’s so focused on the past where he wasn’t perfect either but I have accepted him even after having months away until I could think clearly. He said once I was ready to be real to let him know and was extremely upset and yelling but I have and I’m not sure if I should let it go or just try to give him more time because clearly even after good times again and being honest he is still so upset.
Ariel
February 21, 2016 at 8:42 pm
Hi, so I’m really not sure what I should do to get my ex to talk to me again.. About a week and a half ago we broke up apparently there were multiple reasons why he broke up with me. I thought Ihad lost my chance with him because he told me it was my last chance. Anyways sadly I wen straight to petty games to make him happy want to take me back long story short we were going to be friends then he told me he missed me and it seemed he wanted me back then couple days later we had a long conversation and it ended up with us flirting and him saying he missed me agian. The next morning I sent him a message around 8 telling him about a random dream I had a few days ago with him in it he asked what it was and before I could reply at 9am he texted we are not friends stay out of my life and blocked me on all apps we had. So then next day a texted him a long apology though I’m not entirely sure what it was I did. Only thing I could think of was maybe he was mad at a message I sent his friend thought I asked two guys opinion and another girl and they said he really should not be mad it wasn’t bad so now I’m at a loss I don’t know what to do.. I had had a lot of hope we would get back together now I feel I lost all chances that I had..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 22, 2016 at 1:16 pm
Hi Ariel,
so, you did post your comment hehe..
yeah, that was odd.. are you willing to do nc?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 12:10 pm
HI Marie,
It’s not your fault if he’s insecure. It’s best if you explain to him that’s the all there is, you’re being honest and if he doesn’t believe you, that’s his problem then give him space.
Amber
February 2, 2016 at 9:14 pm
Hey,
I’m just here looking for some answers to rest my doubt. Me and my ex boyfriend of 3 years broke up about 3 and a half months ago. On the terms of the break up we haventer said any hurtful words to one another and last month we had a slip and slept together. He says he is depressed and need to find himself that he is unhappy where his life is and can’t figure out a future between us mind you this was out of the blue, to my knowledge things were okay we had just moved in together about a 2 months before the break up. He now just will not talk to me at all I haven’t begged for him back at all I told him I am trying t accept his decision but I obviously still love him. I text him mabye once a week asking him if his week went well and told him somthing exciting about mine. Still no response just nothing it’s like he just wants to pretend I don’t exist. He doesn’t even want to see the dog we got together. I really need some I sight here as to what the heck could be happening
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 2:52 pm
Hi Amber,
If he’s depressed, is he getting help? Are you sure he’s not trying to harm his own life? So you can ask others around him to check on him if you don’t want to see him. Because basically if he’s not talking to you, and he is really depressed, he has to find professional help.
B
February 2, 2016 at 12:59 pm
Hey Chris,
My ex and I were together for 2.5 years but we’re talking for 1.5 years before that. We broke up because I wasn’t affectionate enough (started getting insecure because of weight gain) and he says he wasn’t happy anymore but he still loves me. We kept contact for a while but then he just stopped replying to me and I messed up and was calling and texting him before he finally responded and we talked a bit. He says he’s talking to new people but it seems like he’s mostly interested in this one girl who he met before we broke up but he said he never cheated and respects me too much to have cheated. He says he’s happy right now and doesn’t see us together in he future but doesn’t wanna say never he just doesn’t wanna give me false hope. I’m currently on day 14 of no contact but I’m scared to get my hopes up because he still says he loves me but also says he’s happy doing his own thing right now. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 2:11 pm
Hi B,
When did he say that? Did you mean you were talking during nc or that was before nc. Because if it was before nc, finish nc first and go through nc by building up your self esteem. Be proactive. If you talked during nc.. You have to restart count.
Shannon
February 1, 2016 at 10:42 pm
Hi Chris,
My boyfriend of four months left me three days ago. I had messed up by talking to another guy who liked me and my boyfriend told me to stop talking to him. I told him about it and showed him the texts and he insisted that i flirted with the other guy. Then after two days he called me and told me that we wouldnt work out maybe because of the age difference or different mindsets. I begged him to give me a second chance but he said he couldnt. He said that its only 4 months and that i would find someone and move on. But i replied and told him that he was the only one I want. After he hung up I called him a couple of times texted him asking him to reconsider but he read the messges and didnt reply. I dont think Ill ever meet anyone like him and I really want him back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 11:26 am
HI Shannon,
I think he acted out of jealousy. It’s apparent that you’re just texting and your even showed him the texts.Problem is, I’m thinking if it’s because your relatuonship is still new and you haven’t build the trust yet or he’s really the jealous type, which is actually not a good trait. You’ve done your part. You tried to prove him wrong and you begged. It’s time to give him space to realize he’s wrong and don’t posts pictures with other guys because it will make this worse.. Maybe do 21-30 days nc, if he still doesn’t trust by then, he has a problem with listening and trusting people.
Juliet
January 31, 2016 at 9:45 pm
Hi Chris! I really love your site and I’m considering buying your e-book but before I do that, I want some input.
My boyfriend left me exactly 2 weeks ago. We were together for about a year and 5 months. During the last 2 months, he was very distant towards me. He stopped putting me as a priority because he got too busy with work and other responsibilities and felt stressed out to the max. He felt too exhausted for a relationship and I could tell that his over-working was taking a toll on him as well as our relationship. It came to a point where I would text him once with things like “I hope you’re having a good day at work” and then maybe say something about what was going on with my day, but then I wouldn’t hear anything back for the rest of the day. Then, I would call him the following evening, only to hear him go on about work and how exhausted he was, then he would end the conversation. This is coming from a guy who used to call ME 5x a day and made time for me at every chance he got. I felt like I was being put on hold and I felt frustrated all the time but I still tried to give him his space by limiting my texts and calls. I felt emotionally drained. We were seeing each other once every two weeks because of how busy he was. Then he breaks up with me when I didn’t even do anything wrong. I was very upset. I had been holding back a lot of frustration from being ignored and so the break up was a bad fight. He brought up past arguments, told me he wasn’t happy and we weren’t compatible. I argued with him. He blocked me on fb and we haven’t spoken since. I’m doing no contact but I don’t think it’s going to work since he had already been ignoring me for a while and then we fought.
Our relationship had NO trust issues or jealousy or cheating or anything to that degree. We treated each other good, but when he gets overwhelmed with work and life’s demands, he is unhappy and something has to give and unfortunately that something had to be me. I’m hoping he will try to contact me again after things calm down on his end, but the fact that he was already ignoring me, we fought, and he blocked me makes me feel like all hope is lost to get back the happy relationship we once had. I’m not sure if your e-book covers “workaholics and the emotionally drained” but I’m willing to give it a go.
Juliet
February 3, 2016 at 10:49 pm
Amor
Thank you for your input. I really appreciate it. I’m just not sure exactly what to text him once no contact is over. I don’t want to come off as desperate by making the first move and making it look like I’m “still trying” especially after the way he treated me. It’s also very hard for me to truly feel “positive and supportive” of his busy life when it led to him constantly feeling frustrated and unhappy and then ignoring me and leaving me. It’s complicated because it boils down to “I want to be with him, but he’s overwhelmed and wants to be left alone and I have to come off as being supportive of that while my needs aren’t being met.”
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 4:25 am
Yes, that’s why it’s also important to set boundaries.. For me it’s not about just being the source of positivity… It’s being able to maintain your own energy and not be affected by his stress, although I know what you meant is the frustration of being neglected. When it comes to that, you really have to put your value first. Because, you’re being productive and optimistic in your life, and he should be in tune with that, you’re trying your best to be that source for him but that doesn’t mean he has the right to suck all your energy…
But in regards to getting him, there’s a good chance he will gravitate towards you, if he sees you are truly happy. Especially that he’s always stressed He’ll miss being happy with you, but as I say, be careful with. You’re not the happy factory.. a relationship needs two people to work
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 3:49 am
Hi Juliet,
yeah it’s harder to get the attention of a workaholic ‘coz he’s always busy and productive. So, you really have to be interesting enough for his time but he’s human too, he will need a downtime daily or at least weekly and it would be great if he would want to spend it with you. But are you ok with that? Because this may not be just about you needing to be more interesting. It’s just that he’s priority right now is the business and if you get back together, you have to oepn to the fact that he’s going to have less time for you while he’s building it.
But even if he’s super busy, he will still check your accounts, he may try to contact you. If you’re doing nc better finish that first. Then after that be a relaxing source for him. A shift away from his stressful by being positive and supportive in texts but also sharing with him gun insights you’re daily that might intrigue him to do it too, with you. 🙂 Do it step by step
Sean.
January 31, 2016 at 7:02 pm
So my ex and i broke up a month ago. He told me that he was unhappy in the relationship. If he goes back to me he will be unhappy. He loves me and cares about me but does not want to be with me ever.
I feel like theres no hope. Is there?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2016 at 10:03 am
Hi Sean,
If he said that right after the breakup, that’s probably emotions. Did he say why was he unhappy?