This one has been a long time coming.
I have written about a lot of situations here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery but for some reason I have always put this one off despite the fact that I get tons of questions about it.
If you need proof of this all you need to do is think back to episode 11 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast where a woman named Shannon asked me a question about trying to get her ex back when he was about to be deployed overseas via the army.
Of course, Shannon was one of the lucky ones who was able to implement my advice and win her ex boyfriend back as evidenced here.
But when you take those two resources into account they are by my own admittance a bit… thin.
I mean, I am sure you could listen to those two podcast episodes and think to yourself,
“Where are the details?”
“What do I do in this situation?”
“What do I do in that situation?”
Well, that is going to end today because, for the first time ever on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going tell you exactly what you need to do to get your ex boyfriend back if he is in the Army, Military, Navy, Air Force or any other combat type of outfit that you can think of.
First though, I feel it is important to set the groundwork for what this page is going to cover.
The Groundwork
There are two things that come to mind when I think about a situation like this.
Well, technically those “things” are situations in and of themselves but bear with me here.
Thing 1: There are women whose ex boyfriends have shipped away due to the Army, Navy or Military
Thing 2: There are women whose ex boyfriends are in the Army, Navy or Military and are still stateside.
Guess which “thing” we are going to be covering here today on Ex Boyfriend Recovery?
Thing 1 of course!
Now, you may be wondering why I’m not going to help those women whose boyfriends are in the army but are still at home.
The answer is quite simple.
In that case there isn’t really anything special you have to do to get them back.
In other words, a woman who has gone through a general breakup is going to have the same exact “get your ex back strategy” as a woman who has a boyfriend in the Army that is still stateside.
What we are really focusing on in this page is how to get your ex boyfriend back if he is in the Army, Navy or Military and he has been shipped away.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow, I realize that this isn’t exactly the broad topic that a lot of the women visiting Ex Boyfriend Recovery love to read about but this guide absolutely needs to get made because I can’t tell you how many questions I have run across over the past few years from women asking what they should do if their ex boyfriend is about to get shipped away.
Well, now it’s made!
Lets start at the beginning.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
Army, Military and Navy Breakups
Dating a man from the Military is kind of tough.
Look, I am definitely not into talking bad about the Army or anything like that BUT when you look at combat jobs like being in the Military or Army and you try to match it up with dating it’s just tough.
While there are a TON of advantages to being in a uniform there are also a lot of sacrifices.
For example, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend are still dating and he gets stationed somewhere in Texas. Now, since you are a huge lover of the heat you have no problem with this at all. Just as you start to get settled in Texas his job demands that he moves North to New York in the middle of the coldest Winter ever.
“Ugh… I hate this you think to yourself.”
And then lets say the worst happens and he gets shipped off to some foreign country you have never heard of in the middle of some terrible war zone.
Not only are you worried about where the two of you stand in your relationship but now you are worried about his life.
You have read the crazy stories of a couple very much in love and then the man gets shipped overseas only to come back in a coffin…
That’s scary and it adds a lot of necessary stress to your relationship.
What Is Going Through An Exes Mind During A Military Breakup?
We already know that being in the Military adds a lot of stress to a relationship but you have found yourself in a unique situation.
Your ex boyfriend (who is in the Military) is being shipped away on tour and has broken up with you.
You have a lot of questions.
What is going on in his mind?
Why did he break up with me?
“Is it possible for me to even get him back?”
Lets take a good moment and answer some of those questions. Now, before I get started I do want to mention that I am not in the Military nor have I ever been in the Military. So, I can’t say that I know for certain what is going on in your exes mind if he is.
However, I can say that I know the mind of a man quite well so while I may not be the best person to talk to you about Army stuff I can say that I am the best person to talk to you about men stuff seeing as I am one.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSo, with that little disclaimer out of the way lets get down to business.
Why Men In The Military Break Up With Women (Before Being Shipped Away)
Lets talk about this for a minute.
One day everything is fine between you and your boyfriend and then the next he tells you that he can’t do it anymore….
That he is behind where you are in the relationship…
That the two of you have moved too fast…
“What the hell is he talking about?” you think to yourself.
What I want to do now is explain the “why.”
Why would he break up with you when everything seemed fine?
Well, the big “X” factor here is the fact that he is about to be shipped away due to the fact that he is in the Army.
Most men in his position would probably think a few things.
Thought One: “I don’t want want to be tied down while I am away”
Lets pretend that you are a guy who is in the military and you have this… vision in your head.
What’s the vision?
Basically you get shipped overseas and fight for a few months until you finally get a break. While on your break you are sitting at a cafe and you meet a beautiful girl,
As you look at her she looks back at you.
The connection is undeniable.
Now flash forward to the night where the two of you are in bed together having the most passionate sex of your life.
I’ll admit it’s kind of weird painting a picture like that for women and telling them to pretend to be a man but what I am trying to do here is show you what is going on in a mans mind who is in the Army, Military or Navy.
That little fantasy isn’t possible if a man already has a woman back home.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWell, I suppose that’s not entirely true as he could always cheat on his woman back home and she would be none the wiser but we are hoping a man of the military has more loyalty than that.
Oh, but I haven’t even gotten to the funniest part yet.
What a man fantasizes about will happen almost never come to fruition.
How do I know that?
Well, if it did then every man would be walking around with a big boobed blonde/brunette girlfriend.
Oh, and that little cafe fantasy that I painted for you above.
Well, instead of that girl at the cafe looking like the one pictured above probably looks more like this,
Let’s move on to the next thought.
Thought Two: “I Don’t Want Her To Find Someone Else… I Need To Protect Myself”
One word.
Jarhead…
Now, I realize I am talking to women here so I don’t expect you to have seen this but have you ever seen the movie “Jarhead?”
There is a specific scene that is coming to mind here.
Do you know the one I am talking about?
Probably not…
Let’s just call it “The Deer Hunter Scene.”
In order for me to explain this to you I need to give you a bit of background.
There is a famous movie that won a bunch of Oscars called “The Deer Hunter.”
And no this movie isn’t about hunting deer…
Well, there is actually a deer hunt in the movie… A couple of them.
But it’s a war movie.
Basically there is a deer hunt at the beginning of the movie and then once again towards the end of the movie after war.
Whatever… the movie is great and I definitely recommend it if you are into that type of thing but as you probably assumed it’s very big among men that are in the Military.
So, now lets flash back to the movie “Jarhead.”
During a break a man’s wife sends him the movie “The Deer Hunter” to watch and when he gets the movie he gathers a bunch of his fellow peers to watch it. By the end he has like 30 people all sitting and watching what they think is going to be the movie “The Deer Hunter.”
Guess what?
It’s not “The Deer Hunter” instead it’s a video of the wife cheating on the man with the next door neighbor…
I don’t want to get much more graphic than that so I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
What I am getting at here is that every man is afraid of being cheated on and being shipped away further prods at this insecurity for a man.
Now, before you roll your eyes and tell me that, that’s not the reason that your ex boyfriend (who is in the Military) broke up with you I want to let you know that no woman is immune to this.
You’ve heard the phrase,
“Out of sight, out of mind,” right?
Your boyfriend doesn’t know what you will do behind his back and an active imagination can be a bad thing.
So, instead of talking to you about his fears of being cheated on he decides to protect himself by breaking up with you before you have a chance to hurt him.
Thought Three: “I Don’t Believe In Long Distance Relationships”
Can I just say one thing?
Yup, I am totally guilty of this.
Before I met my wife I literally would look at a long distance relationship and scoffed at the idea of it.
Heck, my wife thought the exact same thing.
Here is the funniest part.
For 6 months the both of us were in a long distance relationship with each other.
Hypocritical of both of us, huh?
There is a point of me telling you this though.
There is a stereotype that follows LDR’s around and hardly anyone wants to be a part of that stereotype. Now, when you look at a man who is about to be shipped away due to his combat duties he is going to look at your relationship with him and think,
“Wait, when I leave this is going to be long distance… I don’t want that.”
This singular thought is so overwhelming that it can cause a man to break up with you.
Now, all this talk about breaking up has gotten me fired up to show you how you can get your ex boyfriend back.
Will The No Contact Rule Work On A Man In The Military?
You have found yourself in a very tough situation.
Your ex boyfriend has just broken up with you and is about to deploy somewhere far across the world.
Now, if you are an avid reader of this site then you would know that I am a huge advocate of the no contact rule.
If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then you can learn about it here.
BUT for those of you who are too lazy to click on a single link here is a quick crash course.
No Contact = A specific period of time (usually 21 to 30 days) where you ignore your ex on purpose for a variety of reasons (he misses you, rethinks the breakup, etc.)
Basically as you read this site the no contact rule is the backbone of almost every “get your ex back” strategy that I have ever composed.
But having an ex in the Army, Military or Navy is a bit different.
Why?
Simple, when he is deployed he can go months without any cell phone access for a variety of reasons.
For example, lets say that your ex boyfriend is a Navy Seal. He could get shipped away for some super top secret mission and won’t have any access to his cell phone.
How do you deal with that?
How does the no contact rule work in this instance?
What about if your ex boyfriend is in the Army and he gets shipped to Afghanistan or some other foreign country where his cell phone reception is horrible?
What are you supposed to do?
Well, in order for me to answer that question you first are going to have to understand a basic get your ex back strategy.
Take a look at the graphic below,
Notice how it’s basically a four step process.
- The No Contact Rule
- Text Messaging
- Phone Calls
- Re-connection In Person
Every strategy found here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery usually follows this basic system.
Sure, alterations have to be made for everyone’s situation due to the uniqueness of this process but basically you can always find a way to fit things into this four step process.
But when you look at an ex boyfriend who is in the army… Well, things are different.
I mean, if he is shipped away then it’s almost like the no contact rule happens on it’s own and loses a bit of it’s effectiveness…
Oh, and then lets say that your ex boyfriend is shipped to some country where he has little to no cell service.
You know what that means, right?
Yup, text messaging is out and if text messages are out due to poor cell service that means that phone calls are going to be out too.
Honestly the only thing that you can use out of the regular four tier strategy is the last part, a re-connection in person but there is a big downside to that. While a re-connection in person may sound good to the average reader it’s rendered useless without the first three tiers being completed.
In other words, the regular strategy that is used in the more general situations that women find themselves in on this site can’t be used on an ex who is being shipped away in the army.
So, what do you do?
Well, that’s what I am going to teach you.
The Strategy For Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back Who Is In The Army, Military or Navy
Since you are in such a unique position I have come up with a new “four tiered” strategy just for you.
Now, if you are reading this article and you don’t have an ex boyfriend who is in the army or military then I am going to point you in the direction of the strategies found in my book. However, if you do then this is the strategy that I am going to HIGHLY recommend.
I figured we would use the same four tiered graphic since that is what we are used to already.
Ok, so lets talk a little bit about this.
As you can see there are four parts to this new strategy.
- The Self Improvement No Contact
- Texting IF Possible
- If Not Possible Then Patience
- Regular Strategy When Home
So, here is what I am going to do for you.
I am going to go through this strategy and explain it to you until you understand it so well that you are sick of reading about it.
Sound good?
Ok, lets start with part one of the strategy.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz
PART ONE: The Self Improvement No Contact
Way back when I first started the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast I got a question from a woman who was wondering why her ex boyfriend was into her all of a sudden.
You see, ever since this woman and her ex broke up the woman’s life really took off.
Her business started succeeding….
She started hanging out with more friends…
All in all her life was going well…
So, the question that this woman had was,
Does having your own life help you get your ex boyfriend back?
(Oh, and FYI this was episode 3 of the podcast.)
After all I have seen and learned here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery I can honestly say that having your own life or improving your life does have a positive correlation to getting your ex back. Now, what do you I mean when I say that?
Simple, it means that if I were to ask all the women who actually succeeded in getting their exes back the following quesiton,
“Before you got your ex back would you say that you improved your life?”
The vast majority of them would say yes.
I find that interesting because the way that I teach the no contact rule almost lends itself to self improvement.
Oh who am I kidding.
I am pretty blunt about the fact that during the time that you are actively ignoring your ex you need to be improving yourself. Again, I explain this in more detail here. You see, in my mind there are two big benefits to a regular no contact rule.
Benefit One: By ignoring your ex you increase the chances of having him miss you.
Benefit Two: It gives you time to focus on yourself/improve yourself.
Now, since your ex boyfriend is being shipped away to some foreign country where he might not be able to use his phone until he is stateside that pretty much takes care of the no contact rule right there.
However, the huge difference between this self imposed no contact rule and one that is imposed by a woman who is trying to get her ex back in a general situation is the fact that the no contact rule will probably last for more than a month. Heck, it may last as much as six months to a year.
Pretty depressing, right?
Well, after you finish crying lets do something with all this time.
Let’s use this time for self improvement.
Why?
Good question!
Why It’s Important To Improve Yourself During The No Contact Rule
I am going to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out.
The chances that you and your ex will eventually talk to each other again at some point are very high.
Yippeee…. YAY… WOOO HOOO….
Did we get that all out of our system?
Good!
When the two of you do eventually come face to face I want you to be at your best.
I want you to have interesting things to talk about…
I want you to make him laugh…
Smile…
Fantasize…
Oh, and above all I want him to be captivated by your looks.
Men are really big on looks.
In fact, I am writing an article right now for my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery that teaches men to become more attractive to women and on it I talk about the differences between men and women when it comes to the looks vs personality debate.
In other words, what matters more to men vs women?
Looks or personality.
Would you like to know what I concluded?
Both matter a lot for relationships but one always matters a little more than the other.
With men it’s looks…
Basically when we look at potential mates we are always basing our judgements off of their looks.
Personality definitely comes into play at some point but for men it always starts with looks.
This is especially true of a soldier coming home after a long time.
I want to take a moment and talk about something that I feel none of the other “get your ex back” experts ever touch on.
It’s a little thing I like to call “The Caged Animal Effect.”
The Caged Animal Effect
Imagine that you are a guy that has been overseas for 9 months. You have been away from your family, friends and any form of regular civilization for a long time. Oh, and you haven’t had any type of “sexual release” in all this time.
Well, coming home your sex drive is going to be going crazy.
As an ex girlfriend you can use this to your advantage.
This is especially true if you were to bump into him on the street and look the best you have ever looked before.
You might find yourself getting a text like this,
Now, this is an obvious attempt to probably release that “caged animal” that is his sex drive but like I said we are going to use this to our advantage.
What is the one principle about men that I am constantly preaching here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery?
Men always want the girl that they can’t have, right?
Well, an ex boyfriend in the Army is no different.
So, lets pretend that you were to take him up on his date idea of going out and getting a drink and you were to wear one of your sexiest outfits to “rev him up” on purpose. Just as the animal in him is about to pounce you leave the date suddenly.
Pretty extreme, right?
Will it work?
Absolutely, he is going to try to ask you on another date and then another and then another and then pretty soon HE will the the one constantly annoying you instead of the other way around.
So, improving yourself is kind of a big deal during this time away from each other.
The whole part of the strategy revolves around this.
Now, I realize I haven’t given you exact instructions on self improvement.
(Hey, I have to leave you wanting more sometimes.)
My advice is if you really want to learn what to do during the no contact rule to pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System.
Let’s move on to the next part of the strategy.
PART TWO: Text IF Possible
Yesterday one of my wife’s friends came over to help us with the new addition to our family (a baby.)
Why am I telling you this?
Two reasons,
- I want to brag about my child
- My wife’s friend has a brother in the military
Perfect, right?
So, I figured I would ask her a few questions about a man who goes on tour to get a better idea of how the whole process works.
Here is what I found out.
When a man (or woman) who is in the military gets shipped overseas to go on tour the tour can last from anywhere between 6 months to 1 year. Heck, in some cases it can last a year and a half. However, if a man in the military does end up going on a long tour he will get a leave of two weeks somewhere in the middle of the tour where he can travel back home.
HOWEVER, according to my wife’s friend it seems like the military seems to be starting to go away from this process as of late and going to a shorter tour with no leave.
So, if your ex boyfriend is going to be going away for that long of a time then it’s kind of important to text him or have some form of contact with him, right?
I mean, it’s kind of impossible to get an ex boyfriend back without at least talking to him.
But therein lies the problem.
What if your ex boyfriend gets shipped away to some foreign country where he has no cell service?
What do you do then?
What about if you don’t even have a way of reaching him because they confiscate his cell phone due to his mission.
Lets explore this a bit more.
What To Do About The Cell Phone Problem
The first thing you always want to do is to determine whether or not your ex boyfriend will even have access to a phone.
However, for the sake of this example lets pretend that he does have access to a cell phone but he doesn’t have any cell phone reception where he is. As a result of this bad reception he can’t use it for phone calls, text messages or anything else.
Is there a way around this problem?
Unfortunately not…
Soldiers are usually given a couple of computers to Skype on and a few landlines to make calls to home on but there’s a problem.
How are you going to make an ex boyfriend in the army Skype you or talk to you on the phone when HE broke up with you?
Well, I think I might have an idea for you.
I like to call it the “reminder mail method.”
What Is The Reminder Mail Method?
If you have been an avid reader of Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you know that I am not a big fan of women sending letters to exes. In my experience it really doesn’t work. I mean, for some strange reason women think that if they pour their heart out in a letter that it’s going to convince a man to come back to them but that’s never the case.
But what if a letter is the only way that you could get in contact with an ex?
I mean, if your ex boyfriend is in the Army and he is going to be gone for a long time like a year you are going to have to do something to remind him that you are still existing in the world.
But a direct letter to him can be dangerous.
So, let’s just take a step back and assess this situation.
Right now your ex boyfriend is overseas in a strange place amongst a bunch of other dudes in a platoon.
Hmm…
What if we could somehow get these other guys that he is around to champion your cause of getting him back?
But how?
How can we do that?
Well, I am sure you are aware of this idea of a military care package, right?
It’s basically this care package that you can send a member of the military that has a bunch of stuff in it from home. Some care packages are sentimental while others are more practical and contain things like food. So, here is my idea.
Why not send your ex boyfriend a care package that isn’t meant for just him but meant for his entire platoon.
Think of it this way.
Imagine that you sent a care package his way that had enough stuff for his entire platoon and all you wrote him was a note like,
I was just thinking about how lonely it must be for you and your platoon lately so I thought I would send you guys something.
All of a sudden all of the men he is surrounded by are going to start asking questions about you and when he tells them that you are his ex they are going to look at him like he was an idiot for letting you go.
PART THREE: If Not Possible Then Patience
What if you are in a situation where you don’t have any way of contacting your ex at all.
Oh, and the reminder mail method you can’t do due to money constraints or knowing where to send the care package.
What are you supposed to do then?
Well, in my opinion there isn’t much you can do at this point.
Perhaps I should rephrase that.
There isn’t much you can do for your boyfriend at this point to get him back.
HOWEVER, there are things that you can do to improve yourself in an attempt to get him back.
In other words, you are going to have to be patient with the way things are until he gets back.
Lets talk about some of the things that you can do to improve yourself during this time.
I am really big on setting goals so lets set a couple of goals for you to complete so you can improve yourself/bide your time for when your boyfriend comes back.
Hmm…
What should these three goals be.
Well, I am a big believer in the holy trinity and no I am not talking about anything biblical here.
I am talking about health, wealth and relationships.
So, lets set three goals for you with one goal satisfying each arc of the trinity.
I suppose we can start with health.
The Health Goal
This goal is really easy.
Let’s get fit!
Hmm…
Now, I am going to do my best not to fat shame anyone (if they are a bit overweight) but I always feel like I am walking a fine line here since men do look at a woman’s weight and judge them based on that fact. Now, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder so it’s not uncommon to find a man who does like a little more meat on his women but generally speaking men do like the fitness model look.
(Remember, there is a difference between the fitness model look and the skinny model look.)
So, my goal is for you is to achieve your definition of fit.
In other words, if you define a fit looking woman as this,
Then that is fine… go out and achieve that look.
And if you define a fit looking woman as this,
Lets move on to the next arc of the holy trinity, wealth.
The Wealth Goal
So, what kind of goal do we set for wealth?
Well, I suppose it really depends on what age you are.
For example, if you are still in high school then realistically I can’t tell you,
“Oh, you should be shooting for six figures a year.”
Hardly anyone in high school makes that much.
Now, if you are say…. 35 years old and are already established in a career then that six figure mark is probably more realistic.
So, what I would say to you is to take out a piece of paper and write down a monthly income figure that you would be happy with. Again, the key thing we are trying to achieve here to make a realistic goal that you can actually reach.
Once you have written that goal down I want you to do everything in your power to reach it.
If that means getting a job (if you are in high school) then get a job.
If that means killing it at work so you get a promotion then start killing it at work.
The Relationship Goal
Now, when most people hear me talk about relationships they assume that I am talking about romantic relationships. However, those aren’t the only type of relationships out there.
You can have relationships with,
Friends…
Family….
Coworkers…
The list goes on and on.
What tends to happen to women who go through a break up is that they become very closed off to the other relationships in their life and focus almost all of their energy on the relationship that needs to be repaired.
This is a mistake in my opinion because oftentimes you will find that cultivating relationships outside of your own will round out your life and make you happier.
In fact, they have done studies on marriages and you know what they have found?
They have found that people who are at peace with themselves often have the best marriages. In other words, it’s ok to cultivate other relationships outside of your ex boyfriend.
So, what kind of goal can we set for relationships?
How about just spending more time with friends and family?
That sounds like a pretty solid goal, right?
PART FOUR: Regular Strategy When Home
Lets say that you have done everything I have suggested throughout the six months that your ex boyfriend was away and tomorrow he is finally returning home from a long tour away from the country.
What’s the next step?
Well, that’s where the regular strategy found in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO comes in.
But where do you start the regular strategy?
Do you start over from start to finish or do you pick up somewhere else?
Since the no contact rule was kind of self imposed by his job I don’t see a need for that so I recommend picking the strategy up post no contact.
So, when you open up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you can skip the section on no contact and jump straight to the first contact text.
Got it?
Kaley
April 18, 2021 at 8:05 pm
My marine boyfriend of almost 3 months said he wanted to take a break and have some space as just friends last night. We met in December and by early January he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We’ve only gotten to be together twice the rest has been long distance and he’s now stationed in Japan. (I live in tx which is where he’s from and when we met he was in California.) It has progressed rather quickly and it’s been by his choice, he said he loved me very early on. I met his family back in March and he was constantly telling me he loved me and wanted to marry me. I struggle with being insecure and having trust issues and I know that’s a problem, especially in a ldr, he also has some issues. He’s very bad at showing his emotions and there has been slight proof that he’s chatting other girls online. I don’t mind him having female friends, but he can be secretive sometimes. Other than that everything has gone really well. The bad has just kind of hit all at once. I don’t think he has or will physically cheat but overthinking made me doubt him more. He says that the break isn’t my fault, that he thinks we both have to work on ourselves with some distance. It’s also important to note that I found out I was pregnant and miscarried this last week as well. I found out and just a few days later I was miscarrying and he said it’s really bothered him. He has access to his cell and the internet. There’s just a time difference, so contact is still an option if I need to. I’m not sure what the best course of action is here. I love him and want to be with him, but I know I also need to work on myself and my confidence.
Scarlett
April 14, 2021 at 4:08 pm
I was reading articles and I would like Some in advice with my ex military bf(marines). He broke it off 2week ago. We been together for 4years and I love him and have feeling for him, but he said he “ doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone”. But he still text me but it’s so dry and casual. And he is drill instructor and he is about to end his 2 cycle.
cassidy
September 16, 2020 at 11:27 am
my boyfriend broke up with me 1.5 months ago and he is currently deployed, i am tossing up if i should contact him now or wait until he is home. he has some phone access but i’m still not sure. the reason behind the breakup is that he doesn’t think i am suited to the lifestyle. i believe we never got a shot of working things out what would be your recommendation
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 16, 2020 at 7:46 pm
Hi Cassidy, if you want to follow this program then I suggest you start with the texting phase while he is away. You do not want to skip the value chain when he is home and go straight to a meet up as it will not help your progress
Nicole
September 12, 2020 at 9:31 pm
I know this is for ex boyfriends, but I figure it works roughly the same for a same sex relationship since my gf is more masculine. We’ve been dating almost 4 years and she just told me she wants to break up. She went to basic this February and was shipped overseas for a year the first of August. Because of covid she hasn’t been able to come home or see any family/friends since February. Prior to her wanting to end our relationship she was hot and cold with being her normal self and would say she loves me but other times seemed to be getting down and being distant with me which I’ve been attributing to all these changes and feeling lonely over there. The reasons she’s given me for the breakup just don’t seem right and I don’t believe this is actually what she wants long term – it’s definitely not what I want. Perhaps I’m in denial, but it’s just how I feel. According to her we fought too much (in my opinion it wasn’t an unhealthy amount, it was normal), I’m too controlling (I do acknowledge that I struggle with this, but I’m working to better myself and my mental health), and lastly she claims she’s still struggling some with her faith and being gay (we’re each others’ first same sex partners and she did struggle with this the first couple years of our relationship, but we’ve talked a lot about marriage and we were trying to get married right before she left but they wouldn’t allow it due to covid. After they said no though we still were looking at ways to go about it so I could go overseas with her. I know she’s been feeling distant from God since she hasn’t been able to go to church and I feel like that’s a big factor in all of this.) To be quite honest she didn’t tell me the last reason, she told a mutual friend. I know that more than anything I want her back. Would you recommend following this method? I took the test and it gave us above average chances, so I’m hoping that’s right. Any advice would be great.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 26, 2020 at 10:05 am
Hi Nicole, you can follow the program and stick with it to see if you can get your ex to reconnect with you again, however if she is going to be following her religion and feel conflicted in what to do. I would suggest that you look into some more open minded religions about sexual orientation, I’m hoping by now there is a more open minded church for you to introduce her to, where she can be openly gay and not feel guilt! Spend some time in No Contact and let her work with her own emotions for now while you work on yourself. Reach out to her after 30 days with a text that Chris suggests in his articles.
Ally
January 8, 2020 at 9:26 am
Hello, My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me after about 2 weeks of being apart. He is in the military and had to leave due to MSG school, which will then in turn send him away for 3 years. During the time we were together we were very much in love and had wonderful times and I asked a few times if he wanted to take a break while he was gone but everytime I asked, he told me no, that he wanted to stay together and that his heart was mine. He even proceeded to give me promise rings. It has only been a few days since HE broke up with ME. I haven’t tried any of the steps yet, but please, what are your thoughts of our sucess rate of getting back together? I took the quiz and it was ranked Above average.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 13, 2020 at 11:27 pm
Hey Ally, have faith in the system, starting with No Contact and work on yourself for a little while. Some people find that long distance is hard to do at first but then when he gets a chance to miss you will start then want to come back to you
Patty
December 14, 2019 at 8:32 am
My boyfriend isn’t actually my ex (yet). He told me he joined the Navy in May and broke up with me that same day after having been together for about 6 months, but then he asked to get back together about 20 minutes later. We have now been together for about a year and he said we would have to break up before/when he leaves for bootcamp early January. I feel like I’m left in the dark because I don’t know when exactly he’s planning to end things or whether he wants to remain in contact after the fact; He has mentioned Facetiming, sending photos, texting, and using one of his two phone calls to contact me.We love each other very much and I get the feeling that we would’ve stayed together for a really long time if it weren’t for him leaving for 5 years. I am confused as to what his motives are regarding our relationship and don’t know what to do or say.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 14, 2019 at 10:21 pm
Hey Patty, I suggest having a conversation with him about when he leaves how you’re going to make the relationship work through long distance and that you are willing to wait for him to come home. The one thing you do need to know. If he decides to end the relationship with you then, do not beg, cry or plead with him. The calmer and more composed you are about the situation the better the outcome will be for you.
Christina
July 31, 2019 at 10:40 pm
Hi Chris,
I need some advice. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. He thought that I was cheating bc one night I accidentally misspelled Babe and type Ben. I explained that it was a typing error but he wouldn’t believe me. For two weeks he refused to listen to reason and I tried every way I knew to prove I wasn’t cheating. He been deployed since November and everything was great at first. We was friends before that. He started acting distant and he said that it was due to be deployed it made him not want to talk or be social etc. Finally he told me that he wanted to break up and that he still wanted to talk to me and for me to be in his life. He said he really cared for me but we just couldn’t be together. I’ve poured out my heart bc I know I didn’t do anything wrong. He said he appreciate me telling him how I feel but hasn’t said that he wanted to be back with me. I did the no contact for 3 days and he seemed happy to hear from me even said that he was going to text but wanted to respect my space. He is coming home in two weeks and my fear is that since we been in contact with each other that it has hurt any chance of us getting back together? Has it…. I also am scared that he’s going to come home and I won’t get to see him and talk thru his trust issue. What should I do. I feel so connected to this man not to mention I love him and I wasn’t cheating on him he broke up with me for nothing but I don’t know how to get him to see this. Any advice pleas help!
Natasha
June 27, 2019 at 5:47 am
Hi Chris,
I hope you will read this email and thank you for posting this article that makes me less alone and more hopeful. My ex and I dated for a year and we were very happy together. But he was being distant on the 7months of his deployment and eventually told me that he needed to be left alone for a week and that he won’t be able to talk to me. I gave him the one week he asked for and after that one week ended, he started calling me again and told me briefly what has been going on.
He was not in a good place, that is what I’m certain of, but he’s also not the best in sharing his feelings. Then one day, the way he kept distancing himself triggered my anger and I proposed for us to break up. He texted me the next day to bid his farewell and said that he loved me. I never wanted to break up with him, I was doing it out of anger and I regretted it very much.
But his decision was final and I did all the things I shouldn’t to make amends. I beg, I cried etc. It made things worse and he got more unwilling to talk. But he came back for his holiday, and agreed to meet me for a day. We spent time together and it was wonderful. But he’s still not keen to get back together.
The last time that I texted him was on the 15th June and ive been doing the no contact for 12 days.
We’re friends on social media and he views my stories and has liked some of my pictures. But he never replies my text
I love him so much and I know he sincerely loves me too. But i think he’s very hurt with my behaviour and having to endure the military life doesn’t make things better.
P/S: he’s Korean and 2 years of military training is compulsory for all korean men. So, he’s not there by choice.
Melissa
June 22, 2019 at 1:43 am
I don’t know what to do!
My ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he came back from completing basic training and just before he left to start is course in the Airforce.
We were together for 5 years and everything seemed to be going really well. Before he left for basic training he added me to his Will, trying to make me his defacto and suggested we open a joint bank account.
When he was down at Basic we would speak when he was allowed phone access which was about once a week. Though when he came back home, he said he was really worried about his new course, with more people in the course than there were in available openings. He said he wanted to really focus to make sure he passed his course and got through. He also said that the course was originally 8 months, but with a new model plane that came come though the course has been extended to 14 months. I asked if it was 8 months would he have still broke up with me and he said he wouldn’t have.
After he broke up with me I haven’t spoken to him for about a week, trying to see if he would change his mind. After the week he came over to my place so we could swap our belongings. I tried to talk through the breakup but he was acting really distant and really didn’t want to look me in the eye.
I also tried to catch up with him before he left to go back down to his Airforce course, but he said he was too busy. He’s been distancing himself from a lot of our mutual friends.
It’s been 6 months now and the only contact I’ve had with him with to say happy birthday (which I was surprised he messaged me back) and to let a group of our mutual friends know that one of our friends passed away. Other than that I have had no contact from him.
He will be coming back him for a week in July – but one of our mutual friends had told me, and not my ex-boyfriend.
I’m not sure if I’ve left the no contact rule for too long based on his wishes to focus this year on his studies. He had told me he wanted to really focus this year on passing, and joked that he would need a autoresponder for his parents when they called.
What do I do?!? Have I left it too late?
Jane
June 9, 2019 at 6:08 am
Hi Chris,
My ex and I had a rough patch and now on a break. I was the one initiating the break up out of anger, he accepted it and never turned back. We were supposed to spend time together last month when he came back for his holiday but because of what happened, things just got uglier. But we managed to patch things up before he left and he called and spoke to me before he went back to the camp. But I he hasn’t been contacting me ever since. I have been doing a no contact strategy for 9 days now. He can use his phone for a few hours on a weekdays but for half a day on weekends. He hasn’t been contacting me even though I could see that he’s online. So, should I follow the same no contact rule in this situation or try to text him when it’s possible?
Chris Seiter
June 9, 2019 at 12:22 pm
Hi Jane…I think the NC Rule is the right approach here. Check out my Program for fuller details!
Jemima
May 14, 2019 at 10:57 pm
Hi!
So my boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. He wants to go into the marines and said that he needs to focus and didn’t want to string me along at all. I understand why he did it and I totally respect his reasons, but he hasn’t given me a chance to explain that I have never and won’t ever have an issue with him going into the marines -I know how much he wants to get in and I’m not the type of person to hold someone back from what they want. I’ve tried to arrange to meet but he says he’s really busy with work and training so I’ve left it up to him to decide when to meet. I’m just scared he won’t ever message me and I won’t ever see him or be able to reassure him that I won’t hold him back from the marines. I really don’t know what to do, I don’t know if he still cares or if there’s hope that we could get back together.
Kaitlyn
April 27, 2019 at 4:13 pm
In desperate need of advice. My ex just broke up with me 4 days ago. He is in the army and leaving for Ranger school in a few weeks then leaving for Germany sometime in September 2019. We were together for 6 months and he ended it because he felt that I didn’t care enough, he felt we argued a lot but more so recently about distance. After he told me he thought it would be best to end things I told him I loved him for the first time and he reciprocated genuinely. Ultimately he stuck by his decision and I respectfully accepted it. I’ve started NC but I’m so upset. Our relationship was very good to me, we were LD while together and we would spend weekends together. I do not want to loose him. We made future plans etc. I’m just so devastated. Is there hope for me getting him back?
A
February 23, 2019 at 5:19 pm
Would you suggest I use the regular strategy before he leaves and then use the one above if he is going overseas in 3 months time? I’m currently in the middle of no contact, and we broke up 2 weeks ago. I’m beginning to feel hopeless. We were together for 4 years and this is our third breakup.
Elise
September 28, 2018 at 10:31 am
Hi!
I was with my boyfriend for 8 months before he broke it off last week. We met in China, lived together the first 3 months of our relationship before he had to move back to America for school. We were fine the first few months of long distance, I went over to spend the summer with him when we really discussed about our lives after long distance, I made pretty solid plans to move to America once he graduates in May and things were really really good between us. Then I went back to China and he went back to school so communication got really hard as both of us were so busy and on opposite time schedules. He split really out of the blue, deciding that a relationship where he only gets to talk to me every few days isn’t enough and that he doesn’t ever want to put me through the stresses involved in his deployment when it does come. I’m in the middle of this fun development phase and have definitely decided it’s not that I can’t live without him but I seriously don’t want to. I have flights to America where I was supposed to spend thanks giving with him and his family in November, but I’m not sure what to do leading up to that to get him back?
Chris Seiter
September 29, 2018 at 3:58 am
Hi Elise!
How exciting, meeting in China! Sometimes guys like this just need some space and time and then if you follow a program such as mine, they will come to more fully realize your value. Take a look at some of my resources, books, podcasts, posts, videos and they will cover some of the tactics I preach.
Joanne
September 23, 2018 at 9:38 pm
My ex boyfriend (21 years) broke up with me (23 years) because he is joining the Air Force and he is leaving to BMT soon. We been together one year and 4 months and everything was beautiful in our relationship and we never had a fight. I supported him since day one that he said to me that he will join the Air Force and I got really happy when he made that decision. When he broke up with me, he told me that he dont want to hurt me and that I deserve all the time and he thinks that he will not going to give the time that I deserve when he leaves to BMT, then Tech School and then the 4 year contract. I really need any advice to what should I do?
We broke up in good terms since he is a really great guy and I am really proud of him already.
Chris Seiter
September 23, 2018 at 10:50 pm
Hi Joanne!
It seems he is conflicted. He is probably trying to process how things will work LDR wise. Just encourage to take things slow and you will too and not make any firm, life changing decisisons, but to keep the communication lines open.
Paul
September 5, 2018 at 1:04 am
I was dating a guy for 6 months. He broke it off the day before his deployment was over. It has been four months since we have been in contact, and I got a message from him saying not a day passes that he doesn’t think about me. He is now stationed over seas. I responded to his text, but I am not sure what he wants. He has been texting everyday saying Good Morning and good night and asking how my day is, but he mentioned that we just had bad timing. He is treating the texting more than a friendship text, I was in love and I still have feelings but if he doesn’t want more than friendship I can’t let my feelings get involved. What do You think.
Chris Seiter
September 6, 2018 at 4:14 am
Hi Paul!
Seems like with all the time that has passed, he is starting to appreciate your value more. Might be best to allow things to slowly unfold. Perhaps he wants more than just friendship, but is holding back on opening up about it. Go to my home page and look at some of the tools and resources I have there for folks to help themselves out.
Joy
May 8, 2018 at 10:16 am
Hi! I have a question. My ex is a Korean and it is mandatory for them to serve for 2 years. The problem is that even if he does get to his home, we are still separated by country since he is in Korea and I am in the Philippines. And as of now, all I can do is send him an internet letter until May 21 because after that there will be a corps deployment and I won’t even know his address unless I ask his mom. It’s been 11 days since he broke up with me and I started the no contact rule since April 28, he broke up with me on April 27, 2018. I never sent him any internet letter nor any care package. I’ve been doing my best to stay positive in life but I have fears that he might meet someone in Korea although they say it’s hard to know new potential girlfriends. However, my instinct says he’ll come back. I think right now he’s just confused, he told me before that he doesn’t know if he still loves me or not. Then cultural difference, distance and our rare meetings gave big impacts on the relationship tooI was willing to do what it takes to make the relationship work but he gave up on us, which he claimed that our relationship is becoming one sided.
Chris Seiter
May 8, 2018 at 2:58 pm
Hi Joy! Such a beautiful name! I think you may be right. He may be confused as to what he really wants and time has a way of straightening that out. If you need a comprehensive guide to help you through this process, take a look at my ebook “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (website Menu/products section). It is meant to optimize your chances and give you a lot of insights on how to get through this whole process. Just remember, no matter what happens, you are going to be just fine and there are many beautiful, joyful paths for you to choose from in life!
Joy
May 9, 2018 at 1:34 am
Aw thank you for that compliment! I’ve read some of your posts to help me get a better perspective of the relationship and improving myself not only for him but also for myself. I’ll let you know in a few months if my relationship with him worked out and how your strategies worked. Thank you so much, God bless you!
Chris Seiter
May 9, 2018 at 2:46 am
Best of luck to you Joy. It is wise of you to focus on improving you and looking beyond the situation you are in now.
Lisa
May 4, 2018 at 2:24 pm
My boyfriend of 8 months ended it with me as he said will be training for a year and a half then deployed for 6months. The break up was a civil one, he said after the two years he doesnt know what will happen and that he loves me. He basically doesn’t want me to wait up for him and wants me to live my life, and wanted us to both grow as people.
He said he was going to contact me in a few weeks after the rawness of the break up has passed and that we both will remain in contact. We had an amazing time together like we got along really well and rarely ever bickered. And he said there was no one else because if he had time to give someone the time they deserved, he’d still 100% be with me.
Do i wait for him to contact me and live my life?
Do i try to talk to him and see what happens?
Although I want to feel dignifed through this and show that I can be mature about this and respect his decisions.
Chris Seiter
May 4, 2018 at 3:29 pm
Hi Lisa. We often think we know how we will feel about things, but I suspect you will hear from him sooner than later. It seems he is still trying to process how his deployment is going to affect the relationship and what is the right thing to do by you and himself. It is a challenging set of facts. This much I know. The future is always moving. We cannot know it with full clarity. So allow time to help you both clarity your thinking as to what is best and most pragmatic. I have seen Long Distance Relationships struggle, but I have seen them succeed as well…it depends on the individuals. While he will be in service, it shouldn’t prevent the two of you to stay in communications and even an concessional meetup. Just go slow with not making any rash decisions about ending things for good until the feelings have time to fall in place.
And Lisa, you might consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 women in the Group right now….lot of synergy and support within the Group. I do live webcasts to offer my help. Just go to my website Menu/Products section to learn more!
Shannon
December 27, 2017 at 3:23 pm
Hi. Me and my ex were dating for 4 months when out of the blue he broke up with me. Here’s a little background information. We were friends 11 years ago in high school. Lost touch and then he reached out to me in the beginning of September. We started a long distance relationship as he is in the army and lives in a different state. Everything was fine. Non stop face timing, texting, phone calls. I even went out to see him twice within the 4 months. He brought up that I was the one, talked about marriage, kids, future living situation. I met his family via FaceTime. It was all great. I thought he was the one too. We just clicked instantly. Then out of nowhere he said he really thought about it and didn’t think he could be in a comitted relationship at this point in time. In 6 months he will be deploying for a year. He said the reason he broke up with me is the deployment and he needs to be on his own. In the past when he deployed he was dating someone and she left him during the deployment. I think he is scared. But after being a normal girl and pouring my heart out, I finally said to him that I would respect and honor the space and time that he needed. So it’s only been 4 actual days of no contact. I just don’t know what to do because his deployment is right away, but I want to respect the time he needs to think as well. He said he loves me and always will in our last conversation. But it makes me question if that’s true. I’m just not ready to give up on him yet. I really think we have something special. But I just don’t know what the best approach is.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2017 at 5:17 pm
Hi Shannon,
Check this one:
Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now
Marla
December 20, 2017 at 8:43 pm
Thank you, but I don’t know how to reply. He said he hoped I was ok, and happy. I honestly don’t know how to reply to that. Is it better if I just wait until he comes home?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2017 at 10:50 pm
Initiate contact instead..Check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)