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Elisabeth
February 15, 2016 at 8:38 pm
Back in October this boy started commenting on my instgram photos, and messaging me. I talked to him and found him as a nice guy and was his friend. I then found out he went to my school and I asked him how he got my Instagram, and he told me he asked around at school “who’s that girl, do you know her instgram?” And stuff like that to his friends. After about a week of messaging he told me he liked me and asked me out the first time we hung out after school. We started dating and everything was good. He would always buy me so much stuff though, and I felt bad about it. He spent hundreds of dollars on me. We hung out almost every day and every weekend and he even stayed with me and my family Christmas Eve. Everything was good until I was away for one weekend for a retreat. When I came back I messaged him and he was like an entirely different person. Everyone told me he was totally head over heels in love with me in the four months we were dating. He was just texting like something wasn’t right with short and late replies when he normally replied right away and sent multiple messages at a time. I told him I knew something was wrong and I told him to tell me what’s wrong. He told me he was breaking up with me since we had been fighting a lot lately and he couldn’t handle it. We hadn’t fought at all, ever. We texted the rest of the day but it just wasn’t right, he was like a different guy. The next day my good friend called me and was crying because she had a crush on him, and told me he asked out another girl. One day after we broke up! I got really upset and texted him and he then was cursing and yelling at me through text and insulting me and being mean. I just texted him about how hurt I was. Then the next day I took a bad approach. I stayed home from school and cried the whole day and he knew it. I kept texting him and saying bad things about the girl he suddenly got with. I begged for a second chance and tried to make him feel bad. I regret that, because now I see that what I did just pushed him away more. Then one day he asked me to hang out with him so we were sitting at a table and the girl came up and sat next to him and then they told me to go away and told me I make everything worse. I sat alone in the rain the rest of the day. That happened twice. He then texted me saying he felt like a dick, and he asked for a second chance with dating me. He always texted me complaining about how she stood her up three times and how she asked him for too much and was clingy. He told me he missed me. I said yes to the second chance. I asked him if we were together. He was like “no, I kind of have a girlfriend.” And I just got really confused and asked him if he meant the second chance since he said he didn’t want to break up with his girlfriend. He got mad and told me I was assuming things and was mean to three of my best friends, which caused them to be mad at me for still talking to him. The other day I told him I was done with waiting for a second chance that probably isn’t ever going to happen and he replied with “haha bye” and blocked me on Instagram and hasn’t texted me since. He also got mad because he found out my friend liked me and said he was jealous, but he’s the one with a girlfriend! I broke down and texted him earlier saying I was sorry how I talked to him the other day and I want to still be friends with him. He hasn’t replied, and I keep accidentally breaking down and contacting him and acting desperate and I can’t stop and I don’t know what to do. Any advice? And if there’s any way to ever get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 16, 2016 at 9:05 am
Hi Elisabeth,
Why do I get the feeling that he’s a player? He knows how to woo you and then suddenly moves on to another girl and then he wanta you back but then he doesn’t want to commit, and also he has no right to be angry with you if you start dating again because you’re not together anymore and he doesn’t own you… you don’t owe him an apology
Kathy
February 14, 2016 at 9:11 pm
I met him online and we both wanted to go for in long-term relationship. It was a good relationship between us. After 3 months he came to confess that he slept with another girl and he wanted to be with her for a while. He is not ready for a long-term relationship yet although he really likes me. He said both the girl and he agreed to be on short-term. He said that reason he breaks up is due to his stress in job and break up with his long-term girlfriend before me. He now wants to be in short term relationship and he wants to keep in touch with me as friends. But no matter what he said he left me for another woman, so I just clear cut communication with him. I do find it hard as I really liked him and we had good time together though.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 7:44 pm
Hi Kathy,
I’m sorry, I just want to be clear…
What exactly is your question?
Blondie
February 14, 2016 at 3:31 pm
Hi there!
This is my situation.. I’ve been in NC period for almost 30 days (actually it’s been longer but he sent me a ‘happy bday’ text and I answered, so I started NC all over again), during this period I’ve found out that he’s with someone else, he jas a whatsapp profile picture with her and posted a pic of the two of them on his fb TL.
The thing is, we run into each other during a dance class, I think it’s important to say that he didn’t had to be there cuz he’s at more advanced level than me but he took MY class anyways (he already knew I was taking that class). Well, at one moment of the class, we had to dance in couples and every now and then we exchanged couples. And then it happened, me and my ex had to dance together. He started talking and asking if I liked the class and if I would keep coming, I said that didn’t know because of my classes and he said with this sweet voice ‘keep coming’ and a smile on his face. And then it was time to change partners so I just smiled and said that I was going to think about it.
And that was it, he didn’t contact me or anything; I might run into him next class.
I don’t know if I should text him or just wait since he’s got a new girlfriend.
What do you think? Should I wait or make contact? Might he be thinking of me after our little talk? Or is it time for me to just move on?
Blondie
February 16, 2016 at 12:05 am
Thanks Amor, actually I didn’t think he would/could miss me since he’s got a new girlfriend and hasn’t made contact after the dance class.. but who knows 😉 I’ll let you know how things go next class
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 15, 2016 at 11:40 am
Hi Blondie,
it looks like nc is working to make him miss you… don’t initiate.. observe first how he would treat you next class
1124
February 14, 2016 at 7:25 am
Hi, I met a guy which he never told me that he has a girlfriend. After few months, he started ignoring his girlfriend and finally they broke up. they have been together for a year. That boy texts me after they broke up and later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. well, we were together for a short period of time then his ex started sending hate texts about me to my boyfriend. then she spread the ‘news’ to everyone and made others think that i was wrong and we werent right to be together. my boyfriend told me that his ex sucked and she is not kindhearted. but after a period of time, my boyfriend broke up with me and told me to wait for him to ‘let things settle down'(??). But now, he hinted in snapchat that he wanted his ex gf back. i didnt contact him for weeks since my birthday but every week we still see each other because of tutor class. every week his ex is here too. but 3 of us never talked to each ther. i dont want to quit and i still have feelings for him. what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2016 at 10:27 am
Hi 1124,
his ex enrolled in the same class?
H
February 12, 2016 at 4:38 am
My ex left me a month ago and he sort of led me on the whole month until we had a falling out and I texted the crap out of him and he said he lost feelings for me. Today I figured out by some friends that he had found a new girlfriend who he’s been hitting it off with for about 2-3 weeks while he was leading me on? I feel like I have no chance.
H
February 17, 2016 at 4:39 am
well, I am definitely doing that.. However directly from him to a friend of mine he said I need to give up and let him go because there’s no chance of us getting back together
H
February 13, 2016 at 7:08 am
yes we haven’t spoken for about a week now
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2016 at 1:19 pm
Okay… make it productive.. improve yourself..especially physically.. let him miss you and regret leaving you
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 3:02 pm
Hi H
are you doing nc now?
Nic
February 11, 2016 at 10:24 pm
My ex and I split up about two months ago now. He entered another relationship bc he said that I moved on. Well now even while with her he tells me he loves me and asks me to talk, and when I ask him about what? He says there’s lots to talk about. He even texts me things like I’ll always love you and things are messed up now but you’ll always be the most important person to me. Well I didn’t really reply to those feelings because obviously I know he’s in a relationship. He always denies it even though it’s Facebook official. Well when I actually tell him I love him back he completely ignores it. But he gets mad at the thought of me dating others and always asks my business and what I’m doing. And every few days he’s telling me how he loves me. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a mess and I can’t completely cut him off because we have children. I honestly think he does love me but I don’t think he wants to be a family right now. I hate feeling like I’m being strung along and I don’t know how to stay strong or what to even do. Part of me wants to wait for him and hope our family can be together again but the other part of me thinks I probably need to move on since he has. Clearly it’s not very appropriate for him to be saying things like he loves me while dating someone else. And I keep telling him I’m just trying to respect his choice to move on. But he is so hot and cold with me. I can’t tell if he’s worth fighting for or if I should just move on and if the chance comes for us again then it’s meant to be if not we’ll then at least I didn’t just sit around feeling sorry for myself. I just worry about talking to other guys or dating because it upsets him so much but he’s with someone else so he doesn’t really have the right to control me like that anymore.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 2:41 pm
Hi Nic,
He’s keeping you at arms length.. Tell him seriously and calmly that if he’s not realky ready to get back then he should respect your private life. You’re thankful for him being a good father to your children but right now, of he’s not serius about getting back, you have to love your life.
He’s free to be angry whenever he wants… You don’t have to react or basw your decisions on that.. You’re not his property
Simalo
February 11, 2016 at 4:29 pm
Hey Chris,
Please help.I feel in love with this guy after 3 years of been single.he had broken with his ex girlfriend due to long distances issue.
Late last year after dating for 4 months he started acting weird only to discover that our relationship was ending.I came to find out that while we were dating the girl would send him photos but that didn’t bother me coz I trusted him.last holiday he happened to go visit the ex girlfriend and apparently they are back together after almost 7month breakup.I love this guy so much and it’s weird I am here asking how to get him back while the ex girlfriend got him back.what I believe is that they won’t work out since the distance is still an issue.please tell me what I can do am currently doing the NC rule.
Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 12, 2016 at 1:36 pm
Hi Simalo,
it’s good that you’re doing nc and you also know you have a chance. Be proactive in improving yourself and not contacting him. let him miss you.
CLAU-CLAU
February 11, 2016 at 10:35 am
Hi! I have a problem. May I ask for some good and correct advice? My first love just broke up with me just this January 21, 2016. We were strong and happy in love for 4 years in and 1 year in a long distance relationship. On May 2015, he went to Saudi Arabia for work. December 2015, we had an argument regarding on my size. He wanted me to go on a diet, then I agreed to him. I also asked him this “What if I did not trim down, will you still love me for the rest of your life?” then he answered “I will just give you the answer when I get back home”. I got a little scared and couldn’t accept his answer. Second week of January 2016, I won him back, we were already okay at that time. Right after 3 days, he asked me “TIME”, because of my love to him, I gave him the TIME that he was asking. Days before he broke up with me, I found out that he found someone near, a Nurse in the same city. I tried to win him back for the second time but this time I failed. He don’t reply on my text and message on Facebook. I tried to call him on his number but he just drop my calls. I cannot accept that he dumped me and replace me with that woman. I know to myself that I was a very supportive, loving, caring girlfriend to him. I never left him when he had nothing and needed my help. And now that he is already successful, he easily forgot the promises he made to me and to my mother. We made promises inside the church that “No matter what happens, we will not waste our relationship”. I am so lonely, sad and depress on what had happened to us. :'( I still can accept him in my life.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2016 at 12:57 pm
Hi Clau,
Honestly I think it was rude that he didn’t answer your question about your weight… are you doing nc?
Kimberly
February 9, 2016 at 3:33 pm
Hello my situation is a little crazy and different as I was with my ex for 8 years ( high school and beyond) we have a 17 month old daughter together. He broke up with me 7 months ago and now has a new girlfriend who lives in the apartment that we shared together after I moved out. We have had a lot of drama because of this new girl and everything, we share custody of our daughter but we do not have any contact with each other at all at this point, we don’t speak as we have gotten into huge fights over all that has happened. I Still love him and I want my family back together but idk if that is possible since he doesn’t speak to me. I don’t know if he loves this other girl or what exactly it is but I know I can make him happy and be the woman he wants me to be. He always told me to work on myself and since the drama has calmed down, I have been trying my best to do so. I don’t know if I will ever have a chance to get back with him again or for us to at least communicate. Please help! I can elaborate on this story if needed.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2016 at 1:05 pm
Hi Kimberly,
8 years is long. Most women let go of taking car of themselves or putting theirselves first after that long. Because of your daughter, at some point he will reach out but before that, work on your identity again. Be the woman and mom that doesn’t need hum but is willing to have him back if he’s willing to do his part.
I’m not saying that includes being a father to your child ok? He should always be welcome as a father but he has to work as your partner
Bec
February 9, 2016 at 8:31 am
I was with my high school sweetheart for 6 years. Just before Christmas in 2015 we decided to go on “a break.” The day after we decided to take “a break” I found out I was pregnant. I told him the next day and he was excited to become a dad, but he wanted to continue the break. A week later he told me he didn’t love me anymore and we broke up. I was angry and hurt that I had no idea he’d do this, I thought he wanted some space. A month and a half went by and during that time he told me he still had feelings for me and that he missed me, but didn’t want to get back together straight away. After my 12 week scan he told me he had been sleeping with someone else for a month! And the person was someone who he couldn’t stand in the past. She’s also 10-15 years older than him. I’m 23 by the way turning 24. Anyway, his cousin messaged me saying ‘he finally told you huh?’ And I asked ‘how long have you known?’ He told me ‘since he started, a couple of days after you guys broke up.’ I was fuming! He lead me on to believe their was still a chance. How can he be so selfish!? I did the wrong thing by saying she was a downgrade and a ugly bush pig (which she is) and an hour later sge tagged him on FB of them two being lovey dovey. I had to delete him. Is there still a chance for us? I’m carrying his child so I’m hoping somewhere down the line we can be together again.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 10, 2016 at 12:23 pm
Hi Bec,
You have a child together, and I’m hoping he’ll be a good dad at least. So, for now let them be, whatever you feel the baby feels. Focus on your child because he/she is more importnt.
If he’s with a person he couldn’t stand, there’s a giid chance he’d want to be back with you
But for me think about this carefully.. If he did that while you’re pregnant, what stops him from doing it again when you’re not?
It’s his loss,not yours.
Pam
February 6, 2016 at 7:24 pm
Hi, so my situation I feel is a bit complicated but just wanted someone else’s opinion on it for what should I do. I dated this guy all of highschool we were cutest couple-sweethearts-IN LOVE- even looked at rings. However our senior year I broke up with him due to anger problems that he fixed immediately after I broke up with him- however someone else swooped in on me and I dated someone else for 2 weeks but I was still in love with 1st guy(by the way we were each other’s first everything started dating before highschool). Then I was dumb and went back and forth between the 2 the rest of the year and broke both their hearts but they were both still and still are in love with me 3 years later. We are all in college now in the same town. When we first came here though me and 1st guy finally started talking again because he ignored me a good couple months. We went on dates and dances then all of a sudden he said “oh I’m going to prom with this girl from back home” she was a senior, we were freshman in college. I got SO upset and had a rebound guy number 2 again waiting for me. Then guy 1 said “oh your with him again? I told this girl I wasn’t going because I still loved you” WOW thanks.. Wish I knew that earlier. Broke it off with guy 2 but guy 1 started talking to that girl because he was upset about me. He started dating her then they went on a semester long program in the mountains and fell in love. They’ve been dating 8 months and everytime he sees me he still gives me those eyes and when he hugs me I can feel his heart pounding. Yet he completely denies it and chooses to stay with this girl. I have been very kind to the both of them since day 1 of them dating and I’ve never trashed talked her. I try to be his friend but she put a leash on him and he is not allowed to communicate with me unless we see each other in person. Which is usually at the country bar when we are dancing but he’s with her(looking over at me when my favorite songs come on). HELP.
Jane
February 6, 2016 at 7:04 pm
Hi, so my situation I feel is a bit complicated but just wanted someone else’s opinion on it for what should I do. I dated this guy all of highschool we were cutest couple-sweethearts-IN LOVE- even looked at rings. However our senior year I broke up with him due to anger problems that he fixed immediately after I broke up with him- however someone else swooped in on me and I dated someone else for 2 weeks but I was still in love with 1st guy(by the way we were each other’s first everything started dating before highschool). Then I was dumb and went back and forth between the 2 the rest of the year and broke both their hearts but they were both still and still are in love with me 3 years later. We are all in college now in the same town. When we first came here though me and 1st guy finally started talking again because he ignored me a good couple months. We went on dates and dances then all of a sudden he said “oh I’m going to prom with this girl from back home” she was a senior, we were freshman in college. I got SO upset and had a rebound guy number 2 again waiting for me. Then guy 1 said “oh your with him again? I told this girl I wasn’t going because I still loved you” WOW thanks.. Wish I knew that earlier. Broke it off with guy 2 but guy 1 started talking to that girl because he was upset about me. He started dating her then they went on a semester long program in the mountains and fell in love. They’ve been dating 8 months and everytime he sees me he still gives me those eyes and when he hugs me I can feel his heart pounding. Yet he completely denies it and chooses to stay with this girl. I have been very kind to the both of them since day 1 of them dating and I’ve never trashed talked her. I try to be his friend but she put a leash on him and he is not allowed to communicate with me unless we see each other in person. Which is usually at the country bar when we are dancing but he’s with her(looking over at me when my favorite songs come on). HELP.
Jane
February 22, 2016 at 11:33 pm
Guy 1 messaged me today and wants to meet up to talk tomorrow. What do I say? Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 23, 2016 at 9:00 am
Why? How are things now? Are you going strong with each other? Did he break up with the senior girl? Is he going to talk to you about your relationship wih guy 2?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 2:34 pm
Hi Jane,
First, if you really like guy 1, you should stop connecting and leading guy 2 even if guy 1 is not available anymore because you’re being unfair to both of them and it’s contributing to the mess.
So, that’s the first step, if he sees you’re not really with guy 2, there’s a good chance that guy 1 will go back with you. If that happens, speak calmly and make it clear, that he has to be really broken up with the senior girl because you don’t want him making your mistake that will make another set of love triangle mess.
Em
February 6, 2016 at 1:44 pm
Hi! I really need advice! So my best friend and I of five years decided to become exclusive. Now we were only friends in those five years and we dated other people. His last gf was cool. He made it seem like it wasn’t something he’d see himself in for a long time. Somewhere down the line we got feelings for each other and took our friendship to a next level. He cheated on her with me, broke up with her a few months later becuase of me and me and him started dating officially five months after. I gave him time to cool off from the ex and thought everything would be good. He told me I was the one, his soul mate and we began discussing a long future together. BUT he stilled remained in close contact with his ex and never told her he cheated. She was always texting him and he never deleted her pics out of his cell. He even wore a matching costume with her to a Halloween party and I found out through social media! I can admit that I was being jealous but he was wrong for still entertaining her! I guess I thought that our friendship would make him loyal to me. Anyways two weeks after we started dating he broke up with me over the phone!! He said he needed to find balance and that one girl has his heart (the ex) and one has his soul (me) but he broke up with me! When we talked again he said he just needs to figure it out with her and he doesn’t know if they will back together. Why give her a second chance when you were already with said soul mate? So I’m still confused and hurt. He says he still wants me in his life forever and will never stop being my friend. We work together so NC has been difficult. Is it even worth it at this point? We spent every day together so its been very hard. I have also been very emotional each time I see him. Is NC valid after emotional breakdowns in front of an ex? Or is it just over? Help!
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2016 at 1:07 pm
Hi Em,
If he sees you’re breaking down, you have to start over. It’s is going to be hard but focus. And he probably can’t leave her because he’s used to her, and he can see you’re just there. And also, you started out the wrong way. After nc, should be like a reset for you two and a way for him to see that you’re not a second choice. You should be the only choice.
Jane
February 5, 2016 at 6:21 am
Hi I think my case is very different from the others here. My ex and I were together for 14 years [and have 4 children together]. I messed up and got into a rut and 2 and half years ago we split up and I moved out. He seemed to move on immediately and has had a new girlfriend [and they seem very happy which he deserves to be] and I thought I’d moved on as well. However as time has gone by I realise that I really miss him and the family being altogether and I would love him to be back in my life. The no contact rule etc was never put in place for obvious reason as we have to communicate frequently about the kids….
In this kind of situation is there still a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 10:42 am
Hi Jane,
Well in that case, it’s called limited no contact. You improve yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually but when you see each other, you only talk about the kids if needed. So, you avoid talking to him without being rude.
angela
February 5, 2016 at 1:29 am
hi, my ex boyfriend is locked up he doesn’t get out in august last time i spoke to him was in September i was with my child’s father and he had a girlfriend he came to my house to help with my baby and when the baby went to sleep he was on my lap saying we just friends but it turned to a moment i asked for a kiss to see if the sparks was still there and i lied and said it wasn’t cause he was in a relationship and i was too it felt right at the time and i told we shouldn’t see each other than a week later hes in jail i felt so sad i couldn’t stop thinking about him im longer with my child’s father and i decide to write him a letter i expressed my feelings and said i love him and im here for him and does he still go with his girlfriend or do he love her ? i was just putting it all out there how do i get him back i also put some money on his books too .. like in the letter i was just saying im here and i want us to work it out again
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 10:22 am
Hi Angela,
I just want to make it clear, you are no longer with your baby’s father?
And your current ex is in jail but your relationship lasted for a week before he was locked away? Or was it that only instance when you kissed and then you didn’t talk again, thrn a week after he was in jail?
em
February 4, 2016 at 5:18 am
hello!
I’m in a sticky situation and don’t know what to do. I was with my exbf for about 4 years when we broke up last year. (because i wanted marriage and kids and he didn’t.) I started dating someone but broke it off with that person to start seeing bf1 again. BF1 was now on board with marriage and kids. That was really hard to do too! He was already seeing someone else and wasn’t sure if he wanted to trust me again. Somehow after months of waiting and convincing and talking we went back out again. Well after a couple months it seemed like bf1 wasn’t really into it and I found out that he got another girl pregnant while we had broken up and I was lonely and confused. I started talking to the other guy I had dated. In october i moved 45 minutes away to be closer to the new guy and work and just to see if bf1 would make an effort to see me.
Well, after just a few weeks he met someone else who lives in another state! Since then they have been going back and forth to see one another and are officially a couple. The new person I’ve been dating only makes it more obvious that I should have stayed with bf1. I miss him, still think about him, and I regret moving away. I found out on sunday that he’s moving state to be with her and find a new job. Of course I got very emotional and upset but kept it together while we were in person. However I’ve become so ill over this I can’t even eat and had to go to the doctors. And I texted him, very upset, about how I still had feelings for him, missed him and would basically do anything to be with him include move to that new state with him (if she’s not in the picture), pay for rent, if we could just date again and try and make it work. He said he still cares but he was hurt a lot, and I know he really likes this new girl. Funny thing is she has another guy going after her like I used to and he says that is the one thing he doesn’t like about the relationship but everything else is good.
I’ve gotten him back before.. But it took so much time and was such a struggle! And the worst part is he is going to see her and interview for a job on the 10th, so just a week away. and then he wants to move there a couple weeks later! I don’t know how to get him to stay. I even offered to move back in and pay rent or pay for us to both move somewhere else together. He didn’t respond to my last long message so I haven’t messaged him again. He is really laid back so I’m afraid he will move there and not bother with trying to shake things up to be with me. I have this small window of time and I don’t know what to do or say to get him to break up with her and be with me again. 🙁
Em
February 9, 2016 at 10:24 am
That’s a lot to think about. I know you’re right and that’s the hardest part.
As far as the girl he got preg… She was an old work friend and one night drunken thing. He didn’t want kids and she told him that he didn’t need to be in their life. No one else but his parents know he’s the father. Since I had wanted kids so badly that was def. one of the reasons things fell apart for us.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been single and I do understand that I need to learn to be okay with that. I know I put myself in a bad position with my ex by having that melt down. I still wish there was something I could do to reignite his feelings for me, he was my best friend. I realize that may not happen tho and I might have to be okay with just not ever being with my best friend again. Maybe go another way with my life..
I’m considering nc but I don’t know if I can really be okay with losing him forever. With everything going on in his life if I go no contact I may well become nothing to him.
Em
February 6, 2016 at 2:50 am
Thanks for the quick response!
Yes, I did consider it. Since I did not have much contact with him right after we broke up I considered that to be nc? That was a few months ago. But I know I missed clues that he missed me during that time, he sent me messages much more than I sent him. Obviously this is a new thing though. I am giving him space right now. I know I pushed him too hard so I waited a day and sent a message asking if he was awake, he wasn’t and didn’t respond. Waited another day and today sent an apology saying sorry if i offended him and he answered a few hours later saying he isn’t mad. Which he is obviously ‘something’ because he was online when i sent the message but it took him four hours to respond and only got a three word response.
I’m leary about doing nc right now though with the situation. We were already getting more distant and now he has a new girl and is thinking about changing his entire life in the next couple of weeks. Do you think NC is a good idea? Or do you have any other plans or things I could do? We are friends on social media but don’t follow one another so you can’t see what the other person is doing unless you check. And I’m worried snapchats might be too direct. I don’t know how to not be the chaser. We live 40 minutes away and if he doesn’t contact me.. ? I just feel this need to get him to stay. There isn’t a way for me to do that though is there?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2016 at 3:21 pm
Okay, actually I asked that because I wanted to know if you considered doing nc for yourself.
Because, there are a lot of red flags in your story. Like, what happened to the girl he knocked up? Did he just leave her?
Plus,when you offered to pay for rent, that put you certainly in the chaser position.
Honestly, it’s hard to get because even if you get back with him, with that mindset he won’t treat you well.
When you’re the chaser, that means you’ve lowered all standards just to keep a person around because you think you can’t live without them It’s not love anymore, it’s dependency.
And if the chasee(the person who’s being chased) is in his/ her right mind, he/she will ask you to stop doing that but if he/she is not that nice, he/she will take advantage of you because he/she knows how crazy you are with him/her.
Basically the chaser most of the time lost self respect and self love and gets that love from the chasee.
So, I think you know what I mean on how not to be the chaser anymore.
I know you want him back badly but you have to consider if that is still the right decision now.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 5:10 am
Hi Em,
it looks you became the chaser and the more you chase, the more he will run away of course. Do you consider doing nc?
Kris
February 2, 2016 at 12:55 am
Hey, me and my ex were together for 1 year. I had a lot of trust issues during our relationship. I was constantly checking on him and he was constantly hiding stuff from me. I had a problem with a particular friend of his. I was super jealous and he told me he’d dump her because he was scared of losing me. To make a long story short, he dumped me because he says we just don’t fit. Now he’s almost everyday with his best friend, i’m still pretty sure their friendship is not so innocent after all. I’ve done the no contact for 2 weeks now. Should i be worried and what should i do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 12:12 pm
Hi Kris,
Well worry won’t do anything good. Abd I don’t think their relatuinship was with from the start because he even offered to cut ties with her. I’m sorry to say, but I think you’re constant jealousy is the reason he broke up with you. And we don’t know if he’s falling for his best friend now or they’re really just friends, so, the best thing to do now is, to build your self confidence because most of the time constant jealousy stems from low self esteem. I think Nc can help to kind of like reset your relationship, so finish it. If he doesn’t initiate contact after that, do it. But don’t discuss your relationship right away. And keep your emotions in check
KMW
February 1, 2016 at 11:07 pm
Hi,
I was dating my ex for 5 months, previous to that we have know each other our entire lives and he always made it very clear he wanted to be more than just friends. In September I decided to give it a chance and he quickly wanted to make it exclusive. He left the province for work the same time and while he was gone he kept in contact daily and asked if I’d not see anyone else and he wasn’t, I agreed but i wanted to take things slow. The week after he returned home we spent everyday together until one night he was very drunk and went home with his ex. He called and told me about it the next day and apologised over and over. He said it was the biggest mistake he has ever made. After a week of him apologizing I decided to give him another try and thinsg became exclusive officially. Things were great for a while, there was never an issue of another woman but I will admit I was paranoid. In this time he lost his job, had any financial problem, lost his car and was very down and out. He took some of his frustrations out on me and would end things and then want to get back together. He said I was too good for him and wondered why I was even with him and told me one night he was shocked “someone” like me ever went with him. I did my est to boost his confidence and make things work. Sometime we were happy other times not so much. He had a call for a temo job outside of the community we live in and while he was gone he called 4 or 5 times a day and I made a few visits out to see him and it was the happiest i had seen him in a long time. The day he returned home I knew something was off, he was very distant and wanted to spend time with his friends over me constantly. I got very frustrated with his behaviour towards me and ended it. I sent him a text telling him i wasn’t happy and i wanted it to be over. He called the next day and told me he had wanted it to be over for a while and didnt want a relationship. He seemed careless towards me and was almost cruel in his words. making it seemed like he never cared much for me. 2 hours later he was on a dating site, a friend had seen him there. I text him and we both were very nasty toward one another and said terrible things. he deleted the account. I am not one for confrontation so the next day I apologized for what I had said and no response. He has been posting things about being out and having fun through social media and has not contacted me since but has returned to the date sight. It has been 5 days days post break up and I am heartbroken. I dont understand his actions because although there were rough patches I always thought he cared very much for me, even prior to our relationship. I hae not contacted him since. What is your advice on what I need to do to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 11:35 am
Hi KMW,
I was wondering why was he subddenly distant if things were goig fine with his career? And it’s just 5 days, so, he may just have agreed with the breakup out of ego
Star
February 1, 2016 at 10:55 pm
I am very curious… but does any of this apply to the “non-relationship” breakups? It wasn’t a long time, but I fell fast and hard for this guy and he knew it. He told me early on that he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a commitment, which then turned into him keeping me on the hook for another month. After that, we had a bit of a blow up and we didn’t talk for about 3 weeks. He came back, and we continued to hang out for another month. He overheard a conversation I had with a friend, and he realized I was waiting for him and being patient (which I shouldn’t have, but like I said, I fell fast and hard for him). He said he wouldn’t be able to give me what I want, and that’s a relationship and he doesn’t want a relationship with me. Desperate to not lose him, I agreed to hang out after that. Yes, desperate and I know it… We spent Thanksgiving and Christmas together. We talked about things I never discussed even with serious relationships, like kids and how we would raise them, etc. Then out of the blue, I see a photo of him and another girl on social media. I got upset and called him on it, just like I shouldn’t have. Anyway, long story short I’m 2.5 weeks into no contact and it seems his interactions with the new girl are going strong… and no contact from him,
Do I have ANY hope? (I don’t think I do, but it’s worth asking.)
Star
February 3, 2016 at 5:36 pm
We weren’t just friends throughout this process. We had a very physical relationship through all of this. And 90% of the time it was initiated by him. He was VERY attentive when we were together. He’d put his arm around me, kiss me goodbye, all of that. He cut it off after I saw the picture with the new girl. We were speaking until that point. Now nothing.
I think I was the in the moment girl, and he’d leave me enough bait to keep me on the hook until something better came along. Going to finish NC and see how I feel at that point. Not sure if I can recover from this! 🙁 Although, I will say that it inspired me to TRULY work on myself. I have been making large improvements in my self-esteem and changes in how I view myself, which I think was a large contributor to how he felt about me.
Thank you for your response. 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 4, 2016 at 1:53 pm
You’re welcome Star! I hope you get more clarity after nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 11:29 am
Hi Star,
It looks you we’re put in the friendzone in the first place. Have you checked this out? How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Fernie
February 1, 2016 at 3:25 pm
Hello,
I broke up with my boyfriend 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years, we met the first day of college and we became best friends, a year after he told me he liked me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend. We shared very important things together, we graduated together, traveled to many countries, he met all my family and I met his… We had a great and very special relationship. The last months we were together the fights started, we were fighting about everything, even about where we would go out for dinner. I became very irritable and broke up with him in a few occasions, but he would go crazy and come crying so we would get back together. The only difference is that the last time I broke up with him I guess he got tired and told me it was ok and he wanted to break up too. After that I was the one going crazy and asking him to get back together but he didn’t want to. He told me he would like to give it a try again in the future but he doesn’t want any pressure. 2 days after we broke up he started seeing this girl we had met a week before we broke up, so I believe he liked the girl and that gave him the strength to not come back to me crying.
They are still together but he has called me a few times asking me if we can see each other because he misses me and he wants to give me a pair of shoes I left at his place. I keep refusing because he keeps saying that he doesn’t want to get back together for the moment. I die every time I see the girl posting pictures of them together. I stopped replying to his texts 10 days ago even though it is killing me. I don’t know what to do or if I should stop thinking we are ever getting back together. His mom loves me and she keeps calling me every day telling me they won’t last and that he is very confused right now, that every time she asks him about me he cries and tells her I am the woman any guy would want, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to be with me then?!
I am a virgin, and maybe he is finally getting sex after all this time? But he was always so understanding and respectful about it I never thought that would be a reason why he would leave me. Also, we had agreed I would start taking birth control so we could do it soon. What should I do?
Fernie
February 4, 2016 at 6:32 pm
He called me and told me he misses me but that he doesn’t want to get back together for now… Every time we spoke I would ask him to try to work things out and get back together but he would keep telling me not to put pressure on him and that he is ok like this for now. According to him, he just wanted to see me to talk and know how Im doing
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2016 at 9:48 am
Yeah, that’s common. That’s why I always say not to ask about the relationship status or talk about feelings when in the first contact stage. Build attraction first, make him feel that he wants to get back instead of asking for it.
Fernie
February 3, 2016 at 3:13 pm
But don’t you think I should give him more time so he realizes that I am really the one he wants? I mean, we haven’t really talked since we broke up 2 months ago, the only times we have texted or talked on the phone was basically me asking him to come back and him telling me no. He also told me he likes the girl… I feel like if I try to get in the middle of them right now is not going to work. He is experiencing new things and he must be all excited about having a relationship that also involves sex after all this time. I don’t want to wait but I also don’t want to rush things! Please give me more advice
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 4, 2016 at 12:13 pm
Sorry Fernie, I’m confused. Did he try to tell you he misses you more than 10 days ago? or that was you telling him you miss him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2016 at 8:15 am
Hi Fernie,
I think he got tired of all the break up and now he’s confused. In your comment, if he’s mom is telling the truth(not just saying that because she loves you! which is great by the way!) then you have a great chance but he has to make up his mind. If you’re doing nc, I think 21 days is enough. The hard part is his mom, because I think she’s still talking to you during nc right? But it can also help if you tell her that you’re giving him space because he has to make up his mind. If he really wants you back, he should respect you enough, and also the other girl by breaking up with her.