How To Get Your Ex Back When He's Moved On To A New Girl

3,819 thoughts on “Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend”

keely

July 27, 2013 at 2:43 am

So my boyfriend broke up with me and a week later he has a new girlfriend. We been off and on for over a year. He always ran when things got hard. The day he came for his stuff he brought his girlfriend and I lost it. He told me “yea I chose her over me, that he loves her more he’s super happy with her.” That he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He doesn’t see what I do that we are great for each other that only thing is he is a realist and I’m someone that strives for over coming impossible. Every time we broke up he went and was with another. This time that person became his girlfriend. I miss him very much and just want him come home. Please help me

keely

August 5, 2013 at 5:42 am

I know I am not supposed to have contact with my ex for thirty days but I felt so terrible for how I treated him and his gf that I sent him a message apologizing. I feel terrible but I feel like best thing for me to do to let go cause I do feel like its the end of the road for us
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:01 am

As long as you go NC now then you should be fine.
keely

August 9, 2013 at 7:43 pm

Is it normal go through such confusion that you don’t know how you feel about your ex anymore? I got to thinking could he really of loved me when he left me and a week or so later is trying to date someone else then comes back into my life after trying to move on? Isn’t if he’s dating someone new a sign that he has clearly moved on?
keely

August 11, 2013 at 4:00 am

Just one last question even after the 30 days no contact should I just wait for him to contact me?
admin

August 12, 2013 at 2:11 am

No you can contact him first!
admin

August 10, 2013 at 3:14 am

Completely normal. I think during any breakup you can feel a whole strange range of emotions.
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:10 am

Hi Keely,

I am really sorry that this happened to you but I just wrote an article that I am really proud about that I think would be perfect for you to read. It is about rebounds!: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/
keely

July 28, 2013 at 2:34 pm

So my other questions for you is my ex always did this thing when things got rough or was not going his way he would leave me. Should I be worried about that? Other things is what if my ex doesn’t try to get a hold of me? Does it mean he never loved me?
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:27 am

I think that is not a great sign to be honest if he leaves whenever times get tough. Either that or he just doesn’t deal with drama well.

If your ex doesn’t contact you it doesn’t mean he never loved you it just means he is stil angry or extremely stubborn.
keely

August 3, 2013 at 12:39 am

I want to be happy for him and his new gf. Then I’m so sad knowing he’s not going come knocking on my door. He’s left come back so many times. This first time he started dating someone. Is it time I give up hope and thinking we will work things out? He was so happy with her.
admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:26 am

I will only say this, focus only on things that you have control over.
keely

August 1, 2013 at 8:21 pm

So my other question is if he hasn’t contacted me after the thirty days are up does that mean he’s moved on? How do I know he’s really moved on? Should o wait for him to come to me?
admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:26 am

It doesn’t mean he hasn’t moved on at all. It’s just his way of dealing with the breakup.
keely

July 31, 2013 at 1:52 pm

So I feel like I’m giving up and abandoning him with me leaving. Like I’m throwing it all away. And I’m scare that with me gone that’s it for us. Is this normal how I am feeling? Idk what to do anymore.
admin

August 1, 2013 at 5:09 am

That is completely normal haha.
keely

July 30, 2013 at 10:37 pm

If he does come back how do I break the running pattern? If he comes back what do I even do?
admin

July 31, 2013 at 2:28 am

How do you break the running pattern. I think that is his own personal problem that you couldn’t change if you wanted to. He maybe needs to mature more and that only happens with time and experience.
keely

July 30, 2013 at 3:33 am

What about him talking about proposing and telling me I’m important to him before he started dating this new girl? Does it give me a little more hope or did he just say it cause he could and he know what I wanted to hear? Thank you for helping me.
admin

July 30, 2013 at 5:50 pm

Guys do sometimes say stuff just to say it and get women into bed. It could be a possibility but my guess is that he felt so strongly in that particular moment he really meant it.
keely

July 30, 2013 at 1:55 am

I’m hoping come back but not for a half a year to a year. I’ll only be four hours from where I live now. But feel with me living I’m seriously just give up and ending things for good. On the other hand Idk what will happen with him and his new gf.
keely

July 29, 2013 at 3:43 pm

So other thing is when he came for his stuff he said he tired of being stuck and being stuck in this relationship with me. He also said that his new gf was there for him when I wasn’t and that she makes him very happy and that now she is in his life he can enjoy it. Should I take any of that to heart? The other thing is not even a month before our break up he told me that he talked to his brother about proposing to me and then before he started dating this girl he sent me a message that said you are important to me. Idk what to think of these things? They are so confusing.
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:55 am

He is contradicting himself a little bit isn’t he. I would say try not to read too much into it. He may just be really upset still.
keely

July 29, 2013 at 12:09 am

Oh I read about the life changing rule but what if it was unexpected? This man I do love dearly and we are great together when he has faith in me and us. But my job has me moving away. I’m scare that with me gone he won’t fight for me? He has only fought for me twice since we’ve been together. I know he has his new girlfriend but he always ends up in my life again. Am I crazy for once wanting to make us last and still enjoy each other like we did before he left and got a new gf? Is it crazy me hope he will be like omg I love her and I don’t want to lose her and him actually fight for me? In the past except for a couple of times I’ve fought very hard for him.
keely

July 29, 2013 at 4:07 am

In one your articles you said not do anything life changing but the fact is my job has me moving away. And I’m worried with me moving away that I’ll lose everything I’ve been doing. My ex does hate drama but he has always come back to fix things until everything has him freaked out. Unlike him I fought for him. Now I’m terrified with me gone he won’t fight for me or even want me in his life anymore.I was just wondering if I’m crazy just hoping he’ll just be like omg I truly love this girl and want to be with me?
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:34 am

Ah yes, I know what you are talking about now. Well, your job is forcing your life to change and you can’t do anything about that. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. Are you leaving for good or are you going to come back eventually?
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:54 am

I am a little confused now. Sorry, your comment confused me.

Rachel

July 26, 2013 at 7:02 am

Hi.

Me and my ex has been together for 10 years. We broke up 2 years ago but tried to get back so many times. He always said that we one day will end up together because he loves me. And i was thinking the same. We tried the no contact but always afterwards we fall into each others arms. I am having a ruff time at work right now so after no contact I contacted him telling him what was going on in my life, he suggested that we meet so he can be there for me. We had a wonderful day and at one point we were hugging and almost kissing. But he said that he can’t because he have met someone and it feels different in a good way with her. I could see he was into her but was torn, he said it is hard to resist me but he must because he is seeing this other girl for now for three weeks. I told him that I support him and I just want to see him happy but I did not want him to settle because he was obviously showing me emotions that day. So I told him that I love him, and not expecting anything just to consider coming back to me. But seriously I gave him no pressure and that I will support him.
I know that I love him and want him with all my heart, and if he is happy I will let go, but am I crazy thinking he still loves me? Help:)

Thank you

admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:40 am

I don’t think you are crazy at all.

Is he dating the new girl?
Rachel

August 4, 2013 at 6:06 am

Hi,

Yes, he is dating the new girl. I met up with him yesterday and I told him that I was frustrated and that I could not see us just being friends. I could see the way we touch and the things he says to me while dating this other girl and it is not right. He insisted that we will cool off for a while but not loose contact but he has some feelings for the new girl and that he is happy. But he keeps then reminiscing on our relationship and it gets me confused. So I told him that this is it, I will cut off all friendship and that I did everything that I could and if he wants our friendship he should fight for it.
I think this is it, he has been choosing her, but this time I am not letting him string me along. I am devastated and I hope I did the right thing? because I love him to much to be his friend while knowing he is being with another girl.
Did I do the right thing? we been together for 10 years and we grew up together. It is so hard to not have him in my life
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hi Rachel,

Do you feel it was the right thing to do? Thats all that really matters.

I would say just focus on YOU for the next few months.
Rachel

August 6, 2013 at 12:38 pm

Hi Chris,

I am replying to your feed back ” Thanks for the kind comments.What is your get your ex back plan?” There were no reply button on that comment.

My get my ex plan back is that it is his turn to fight for me. The last thing I did was writing him an e-mail. I wrote that I could see he is still hung up on me. And it was not fair for both me and her. That I am not going to be in this drama anymore. He should fight for me if he wants me ( Because he actually never fought for me Or chose me over her, but he does things to me that if she found out I know she would not be happy). That I could see us being happy together, but I am not blind, he should want it to. And he should do what makes him happy.

You know what, If he wants the relationship, I would be the happiest girl but now it is his turn to make an effort. To be honest I think it is over but sometimes you have to let go and it it meant to be it will happen
admin

August 7, 2013 at 2:53 am

Do you plan on trying anything like the NC rule?
Rachel

August 5, 2013 at 8:36 am

Hi,

First I want to thank you, there are not a lot of people out there that jenuinely just want to help, I read your articles and some of your comments and you are really good 🙂

I feel that I did the right thing, not necessary for maybe the chance to be with him (that I will never know) but for my sanity. When I am with him he gives me two different massages. The first one is, I hope you find someone new, I am happy with the new girl and I tried so may times with you and it did not work and I really want you to be in my life as a friend. The other massage is, he tells me that his mother loves me, and that he told her that he is confused, the way he looks at me touches me. And he actually told me ones he does not care if he hurts the new girl but he cares if he hurts me and he cries.
I have done everything, I have been mature about everything. He knows how I feel about him and that I want to be with him. But after a ten year relationship and two years on and off, my heart is devastated. I am exhausted. Do I still dream of him knocking on my door and telling me that he wants me and want to be with me? Yes, I do.
The new girl could be a rebound because he sends me different messages, but he is also the sensitive guy and if he feels something that means that he really does.
I feel that I have no choice, but to have told him that i love you too much to see you with her and just to be your friend because I am two heart broken. I told him as well to do what makes him happy and I will heal over time.
To be honest, this have cost me my mental well being and I can not do no more.
This suck but it is not up to me
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:08 am

Thanks for the kind comments.

What is your get your ex back plan?

jasminenicole

July 26, 2013 at 5:53 am

I realized this was really long after I was done typing it, and I apologize for it. /:

I don’t have an ex boyfriend but my friend came on here and left a comment I guess, and she said it helped her and she said I should try it. Well, I’ve known this guy for almost a year now, I started liking him since the first day I met him. We met in August last year, and in December/January this year, I guess we started being more than just friends (last month he said “idk i guess that we’re more than friends) by sending each other.. pictures, and doing skype se& and all that. Ever since September of last year (that was when I told him that I like him and he ‘friendzoned’ me, said he didn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone), we’ve been texting all day everyday but lately, we haven’t been talking that much and he says he’s busy *insert random excuse here* but not to sound creepy, but i’m online all day (facebook) and I see him liking and posting stuff.. it just automatically shows up on my newsfeed. I tell him that if he doesn’t want to talk then it’s fine and he should tell me, but he tells me, oh of course I want to talk to you. We’re still not dating or anything, but I would really like to date him, but last month the idea of se$ came up and he knew for sure that he wanted to and he knew what he wanted to do. I was unsure because I was and still am, a virgin, plus we aren’t together. Is it weird that I don’t want to do that with him because we aren’t together? I think i’d trust him more if we were together and things would be better, but i don’t know. I feel like since we decided to wait (not for sure decided, or not to have se$) we haven’t been talking like we always have been. He takes hours to reply, or even a day(s). I’m always open to him about my feelings but he never really tells me what he feels. Part of the reason why I didn’t want to have se$ with him is because I wasn’t sure what his feelings are for me, and he told me, “I like you and I care about you a lot.” (I don’t know if he truly meant that or if he was just saying it because the idea of se$ came up) I loved hearing that, but when I think about it, if he really did, we would probably be in a relationship and he wouldn’t hurt me like he does. What I mean by hurting me is, sometimes he makes fun of me, like how my body is, and what I do. When I hurt about it, he instantly apologizes and says it was a dumb joke and he says he loves me, for real loves me. But I am just not sure about anything at all. I don’t know what to do. I’m tired of being hurt by him and I’m tired of everything. All my girlfriends and a couple guy friends, tell me that I should really forget about him because I’m an amazing person and he doesn’t deserve me, I think that’s true, but I truly love him and it’s hard for me to move on, it just takes a while, and I don’t know if I’m ready to move on just yet. This whole situation with him makes me even more depressed than I already am. I hate it. Just throwing this out there, I do anything and whatever for him, but he doesn’t do the same. He got surgery one time and he was on pain meds and he said he couldn’t think straight and we had a research paper due for english class, I stayed up the whole entire night (school night) doing this paper for him, and I’ve done his papers a few times.. I wasn’t expecting anything in return, but when I need him, he’s not there for me, but when he needs someone or something, I am there.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 2:45 am

Hi Jasmine,

Beautiful name by the way! I just wanted to apologize for the late reply. I kind of got lazy yesterday and took some time off from moderating comments.

Well, this site is really about getting your ex boyfriend back and since you were never technically dating this guy I am afraid I can’t give you cold hard advice. I can however, give you my personal opinion.

I think that you are right not to give “it” up to someone you aren’t dating. I think he is using you and guys say a lot of stuff when se& is involved. Right now, the more desperate/anxious you become for him to respond to you the less attractive you become in his eyes. You see, guys always want what they can’t have. Right now he knows that he CAN have you. You need to change that perception.
jasminenicole

July 28, 2013 at 6:29 am

Well, thank you for giving me your personal opinion about the situation. I think it was a right choice to not give it to him because we aren’t dating, I always thought that I would give it to someone I was together with for a long time, and also happy with. I always think he’s using me but he promises me he isn’t, but it’s really hard to believe and it’s hard to trust him sometimes. I don’t know what to do with the whole, changing that perception, thing you mentioned.
thank you for the advice.
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:07 am

Well, here are my thoughts on his “promises” that he isn’t trying to use you.

Why would he admit that? I mean, it would be dumb for a guy to say “yes, I am totally using you.” No guy would ever admit that.

You can change your perceptions by becoming an ungettable girl. I talk a little bit about that here: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/

precious

July 25, 2013 at 1:00 pm

hey, i broke up with my bf 2 months ago and now he has another girlfriend i really loved him, he was someone really close to me after my mom & dads separation he was the one i always looked upon !we had a small argument and decided to take a break for a month, then now when i thought things are fine ! he is with another girl he says he doesn’t want any relation & contacts with me. its been a month i am not in touch with him.We live close by ,but now i don’t see him any more,never comes to play football.I did apply the NCR now what am i to do??I cant concentrate on my work.I go out with friends they all are surprised about the sudden change in him. He really loved me.I am not ready to except the fact he has moved on. He is still in touch with my mom & younger bro.
*PLEASE help*

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:51 am

It could be possible that this new girl is a rebound. What else are you doing during NC rule to improve. You may have to do more.
precious

July 26, 2013 at 6:30 am

i go for dance classes ,i had a complete change.I guess i look any day better than his current girl,no mail ,no text ,i deleted his no.I am really messed up now.His current gf was the major reason for the break,while we were dating she used to call him like 10 times(they were friends)get food for him,i have heard that he is not in so touch with any of his close friends or cousins.He’s lost completely or just with her!!!
admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:38 am

Just relax, he is in the honeymoon period. The lust will wear off eventually. You are doing everything right!
precious

July 26, 2013 at 6:33 am

And yes i was his first girl friend,dated for 2years 8months before that we were frens he had a crush on me since 3 years ,then he some how managed to ask me out.It was all good,Our families were happy for us !Almost the entire world knew about us.Last few days i really miss him.

Blueberry

July 25, 2013 at 9:30 am

My ex-boyfriend and I were together for almost three years when he decided that he did not want to be in a relationship anymore. It’s been almost 1.5 years since we broke up and I still miss him everyday. We talk on and off after the break up and the longest time of no contact was 2 months.

Throughout this past year and a half, he has been dating other girls but never has anything serious. He insists that he does not want a relationship at this point. I’d listen to him talk about good or bad dates and we would laugh about it. I was OK with it because at the end of the day, he hardly made any emotional connection with any of his dates and once in awhile, he would admit that no one can compare to me.

Recently, however, he meets someone that makes him laugh and he admits that he likes this girl. They have been seeing each other for about 3 weeks now. Although he is still seeing other girls beside this one, I am worried that he is going to get a bit more serious with her. They were going to keep things casual but the girl has explicitly told him that she is getting jealous of other girls he’s seeing. His dog is his life and after we broke up, he never took any dates to a walk with his dog with him because he said that they are not important enough to meet his dog. But he and this girl took his dog to a walk in our favorite park this past weekend so I know he must like her and it hurts.

We spent an hour on the phone last night and despite the hurt inside, I kept it together and listened. We also talked about other topics and we talked about how we met. The conversation ended up with us saying goodnight to each other without me making a fuss about this new person. I love talking to him but I don’t know if I can handle the current situation.

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:45 am

Sounds like you are in a very frustrating situation.

I think you would do well to try out a NC period. Just for you though. Your ex seems like a bit of a player and it might be a good idea to see how he handles this situation with the new girl.
Blueberry

July 25, 2013 at 9:32 am

A little more background info – we are not in the same zip code right now because of school, but I will be home in two weeks for good and I thought we would pick up from where we left off after not seeing each other in person for 8 months. But with this new girl, I don’t know anymore . . .

Donna Smith

July 24, 2013 at 10:29 am

My boyfriend split with me 1 month ago over the phone after a major argument which I caused. In this time I have not seen him and he has met a new girl one he had recently added on fb when we were going out. After a week and a half of us splitting he has put he is in a relationship with her, taken her to a music festival we were supposed to be going to for my birthday and made a point of coming up with her to me. Photo’s and statuses about how happy he is are plastered on fb as well. I text and phoned him constantly in the first week of the split. I then stopped contact and he has phoned me to say Happy Birthday and asked if I’m ok in this time. I still have a cheap phone of his which I said I would leave in the shed or put money in his account for it. He has just said whatever is easiest for me and it doesn’t mean anything but he misses me. I have not replied to this yet. I haven’t been the perfect girlfriend, I have cheated and not made as much of an effort as him In the past but just before we split things were going well. He seems to be enjoying rubbing it in my face that he has a new girlfriend

admin

July 25, 2013 at 2:05 am

Well, you cheated on him so I can kind of understand why he wants to rub it in your face though. It doesn’t mean he is happy though. In your case, going NC completely for an extended period would be a really really good idea!
Donna Smith

July 25, 2013 at 1:50 pm

Yes I know, I will still need to contact him about the phone though
Donna Smith

July 24, 2013 at 10:30 am

We were together just over 2 years

LoveJunkie

July 24, 2013 at 5:52 am

Hi Chris.

I read this article, and I agree with alot of what you had to say. Here’s my story, please shed some light. My ex and I (same-sex relationship)broke up a year ago after being together for 4 years. We broke up in July 2012, and she was dating someone else in November. The way me and my friends see it, she still wants to be with me but is scared. We have spoken and had emotional conversations with tears and everything as recent as memorial day this year. I feel like she is still interested and definitely still cares. She offered to help me with a work project and it caused us to have to be in contact again via email, text and phone for about three weeks. During this time, she was offering rides home, offering to buy dinner and snacks when we met up, touching my legs in a subtle way. And we had even started to make some of our old jokes like we did when we were together. Also, you said to watch for signs of trouble with the new(presumably rebound) relationship. Well it happened, just two weeks after we finished work on the project. I graduated college (by the way she bought me a grad gift and brought it to my house.) Well two nights later, her new gf texted me from her(my ex’s) phone while she was asleep, asking if I knew about her. I handled it in a classy way. They had a big argument, bcuz apparently my ex didn’t tell her new gf that she was back in contact with me. When we talked it out days later, she admitted that she still loved me and only liked the gf, and even said that her family still asks about me. So seemingly, I had the upper hand, but just a week later, she bought the gf to a popular annual event that I also attended. I lost it, reacted emotionally (mainly because at the event last year, she was there with ME). Anyways, I embarrassed myself so badly that I decided after that to go into cold NO CONTACT for my own benefit. It was for about 6 and 1/2 weeks. Well last Friday 7/19, I was online and saw her online, so I said hello. She responded very warmly, saying that she’s been thinking about me, asking about school and saying that she hoped I was doing well. We also haven’t talked online, instant message since we were together, and she said that she missed that. I’m in my 30s and she’s in her 40s, so we’re both grown, and capable of making things work between us if that is possible. Please share your thoughts.

Thanks so much,
LoveJunkie

admin

July 25, 2013 at 1:55 am

My thoughts,

Well, you were literally doing everything right until you had that emotional outburst. I am a guy so sometimes I can’t quite get in sync with women when they say stuff like “he or in your case she, took her somewhere where WE used to go.” My attitude is so what? Where else was she supposed to take her? In fact, I think its more positive than negative b/c the fact that you were there with your ex together will likely bring up positive memories in her.

Anyways, keep playing things cool.

Has she broken up with the new girl yet?

Kayla

July 24, 2013 at 5:31 am

My boyfriend and I were together almost 2 years to the day, and recently a coworker has been flirting with him and texting him while I was out of town for two weeks. And down the road he wanted out because he wasn’t happy, he refused to come and see started ignoring me and didn’t have any time for me at all but I see he has time for this girl. But he lied about knowing her and a bunch of other things, and I asked him have you done anything with her he said no but if he lied about stupid things why should I believe him now. But anyway I’ve been looking up info on this girl and she was the drama queen of her class and has dated many people. He always told me he wouldn’t be able to be with someone that has been around so much way back in the day. But on our 2 year anniversary and before it she called him her boyfriend on the internet all the time this girl changes her relationship status to in a relationship with my boyfriend he didn’t change his though, he says their not in one but he’s letting her think they are even when he barely knows her I don’t understand why he would do this.I broke up with him because he couldn;t even though he wanted to do it I did it to be the bigger person He doesn’t want to be around me cause he says its to hard, we currently are not talking but theirs allot of other stuff going on with him family wise and I want to be their for him but he wasn’t their for me should I just give it time? Should I try and talk to the other girl, she’s about to be going away for college though so maybe it’s just a temporary thing?

admin

July 25, 2013 at 1:45 am

So wait, are you and your boyfriend still together?

If so, I think you should air out your frustrations with the situation to your boyfriend. Remain calm and do not get into an argument.
Kayla

July 25, 2013 at 3:59 am

No I had to break up with him because he was afraid to do it and made it so I would he didn’t think I would actually do it though. But I really don’t like the idea of another girl messing with him and I’ve tried to get him to come talk to me in person, but I think the “girlfriend” is putting stuff into his head. I don’t want him to think it’s okay to do this but I do really miss him and want to talk to him.
admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:26 am

I really feel for you Kayla.

This new girl could be a rebound. How quickly did he get in this new relationship?
Kayla

July 26, 2013 at 2:35 am

Thanks. So do you think he has feelings for her or what? Should I try and talk to him? Like their not physically in one she thinks they are but they aren’t I know he’s not happy because he would be talking about her and showing her to everyone but he’s not.
admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:27 am

I think if she is a rebound relationship then he is using her to feel better about his breakup with you. Hopefully she will catch on and break up with him then.

Stacy

July 24, 2013 at 5:25 am

Thank you do much for this post, in part you’re an angel to many. Just thank you. I do need some advice. My ex and I dared long distance for a year, after a year he asked me to relocate cities to be together eventually get married I did. At the time our relationship was great. He paid my relocation and after I moved then wouldn’t introduce me to his friends or family. It turned into a constant battle. We ended up breaking up and making up for over a year, never losing contact. I found out he had another Facebook behind my back but he swore he never cheated. He broke up with me 6 months ago. I’m in the new city still alone. I became the ” gnat ” calling non stop asking to get back together. He kept telling me no. I broke contact two weeks ago and he contacted me so angry saying I was cheating on him, he asked so many questions as to who I was with now. I’m with no one still healing from the heartache. He told me he met someone 2 weeks ago and is happy but won’t be another relationship. Because of the things we went through. He has all along paid my bills and still continues too. We haven’t had sex in over 6 months. So I don’t see how hes using me. I told him just to leave me alone and then he deposits money into my account. I do want him back, but I don’t know what yo do. Who just gives away money for free,could it be guilt. He sent me an email last week saying I was the one he wanted yo marry but how I’ve handled things he just doesn’t trust me. I’m so confused?

admin

July 25, 2013 at 1:39 am

So, he is giving you money for free? Tell him that Chris Seiter would love to have $5,000 depositied in the following account….. No just kidding just kidding.

When was the last time you two spoke? Have you tried doing a NC period?
Stacy

July 25, 2013 at 3:13 am

Lol Chris you are hysterical. The last contact we had was a little over a week ago. I’ve not attempted to reach out to him but he all along has been depositing money in my account. I don’t know if he’ll continue to do it. But what can I do to get him back is there even a chance?
admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:23 am

I think you have an opportunity to succeed yes. However, you also have to realize there is no guarantees with getting him back. The good news with your situation is that he must really care about you to give you that money.

Makayla

July 24, 2013 at 1:54 am

My situation is a little unique. I am desperate to just start feeling better. My boyfriend and I were together for two years. Towards the end, things got very rocky. I ultimately ended things and was very rough on him. I expected him to come back, boy was I wrong. I started seeing things on social media about him being with someone else. Out of spite, I slept with someone else to get a rise out of him because we weren’t speaking. He found out and took it pretty rough. We didn’t talk for about two weeks. I had time to clear my head and figure out what I really wanted. It was him. I miss every little thing about him. So I texted him, begging him to come back. No response. A few days later he shows up at my door. It was very overwhelming and emotional. He told me that he loved me and missed me, but was having a hard time getting over what I did. He also said he didn’t want to just drop this new girl he has been seeing, because she hasn’t done anything wrong. I’ve known this new girl for a very long time, and I can’t stand her. That night, we ended up sleeping together. It was one of those things that just happened. I had been so miserable, I just wanted to feel whole again, you know? Even if it was just temporary. When he left, he told me he loved me, and to just give him a little time. So the next day, I was on Instagram, the girl posted a few pictures of them together kissing and what not. I was devastated. It absolutely crushed me. I feel like he’s made his choice, and that I don’t matter. The social media thing is the hardest. I can’t bring myself to delete them off everything. I want to know what’s going on. But I’m making myself miserable in the process. It’s been 9 days since I’ve seen or header from him last, and the pain is almost indescribable. She’s posted more pictures of them kissing, and doing things together. He won’t text me because he thinks that I will show her the text messages. But of he really loved me, he would be here, right? I really don’t know what to do, I need help. I can’t live like this anymore.

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:30 am

I think the fool straight up used you… I think honestly he isn’t good for you.

Go NC and really work on improving yourself as a whole. What are some things that you truly enjoy doing? Make sure you do them more.
Makayla

July 24, 2013 at 4:58 am

I definitely feel used. And this other girl has no idea, and I don’t want to be the person to start problems. After writing this, I blocked them both off every social networking sites I have. It was really emotional. He was my best friend, I was sure he was the one I was going to marry. I would never normally try this hard or let anything effect me this much. So my no contact starts today. The reason he says he’s doing this is because I ended things, I told him I was done for good, when I was just pissed he was seeing someone else. I’ve been punishing myself for two months, and it’s really taken a toll on me as a person. I am very close with his family, and I’m around them daily, they don’t even recognize this person he has become. You can’t choose who you fall in love with, and I’d still do anything to have him back. I keep waiting for that “breakthrough day” where everything is better, and it’s only getting worse.
admin

July 25, 2013 at 1:36 am

Well take things one step at a time.

What are you planning on doing during NC?
Makayla

July 25, 2013 at 2:26 am

He called me today, crying, saying that he thinks about me every day, and that he loves me. I really don’t understand what he’s trying to do. Every time I hear his voice, I cry. I feel like I’ve lost not only the love of my life, but my best friend as well. If he’s with somebody else, why is he still making me feel like I’m important?
admin

July 25, 2013 at 2:29 am

Because the new girl is a rebound and he is just using her as a crutch or a distraction to get over you?

Roxy

July 24, 2013 at 1:05 am

Hey, i’m just wondering to know if he speaks with me or i speak with him after the NC rule and he says that we can only be back just a friends nothing more, what should i do then? please help me!

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:28 am

Well, thats not what we want to have happen. I think though that you need to accept that, that may be a possible outcome. Once you do that you can kind of cushion the blow a little bit if it happens.

Caitlyn

July 23, 2013 at 9:47 pm

I broke up with my boyfriend that I had been with for just over a year, a year ago because my family did not like him. I found out a week later that he had been cheating on me for 5months of our relationship. He was my first true love. Now he has had a baby with the girl he cheated on me with but says their relationship isn’t healthy and wants to break up with her. Ill be honest I do love him still, I know I shouldn’t but I do. At the moment he has been showing me he has changed and grown up a lot since last year and I am in I better mental and physical state than I was and this has lead me to want to get ack with him. What should I do about him, his girlfriend, his baby and my family? Please help!

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:27 am

Well, do you think he is a chronic cheater? What led him to cheat on you in the first place?

Joy

July 23, 2013 at 8:32 pm

My ex and I had a great relationship and everyone used to call us the “Happy couple”. then this girl appeared and they started contacting each other, he added her on facebook, exchanged numbers and talked non-stop on whatsapp. and i found out all this by accident. she has a crush on him and apparently he’s enjoying the attention. I became paranoid and eventually he told her he has a girlfriend. things were not okey after this incident and we broke up, i couldnt trust him. he had some personal issues but could be fixed…even though i am sure right now he has no intentions to date her but still they’re still talking to each other.
After we broke up we never lost contact, we kept seeing each other once a week.I used to suggest to get back together but he would say not in the meantime..
I had most of his passwords, he changed them and accused me of stalking him (well, i did, for a while lol ).
we had a big fight and he did not want to speak to me. i managed to fix some things but still he’s very cold with me. I havent seen him for a while but i want him so bad..I know that when he sees me everything changes and he starts acting as if we’re still together, he’s weak when i m with him.
I want him back. I know I love him, but i m afraid i ruined something when i used his passwords.
what can I do to let him know i am not paranoid anymore and i trust him and i want him back no matter what?

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:17 am

Your best bet Joy is to go NC for a while. You entered into crazy ex gf territory and you need to let time go by to get that persona away from you.

Kate

July 23, 2013 at 1:30 pm

First of all, thank you for taking the time to impart your knowledge on the world. It’s amazing to see a smart and compassionate man helping women! 🙂

My story is this: My best friend (Frank) and I fell in love, while I was with another guy. I didn’t want to abandon the relationship I had, so I chose to stay with him. My best friend became angry and tried to speed up my break up by sending an email full of not true things. I then had to prove my loyalty to my boyfriend because of the things Frank said. So I had to cut Frank out of my life. It hurt losing him.

Eventually, of course, that ex and I broke up. He is happily with another girl and I am happy for them.

After 4 years of not speaking to Frank (minus one call where I apologized for having to do what I did, and I was sorry I had hurt him), he recently sent me a linked in invitation. I thought maybe this was the door to communication again so I sent him a facebook message thanking him for the invitation and asking how he had been. He wrote back, and we became friends over facebook again.

Here’s where I’m concerned I messed up: I’ve been to see him a handful of times at his work (karaoke host) and we’ve spoken a few times over chat. I haven’t been the one to end the conversation first.
He also has a girlfriend, but they aren’t happy or I wouldn’t dream of trying to get him back in my life in a romantic way.

So my question is, should I re-initiate the no contact rule? Should I stop going to his bar on the nights he’s hosting?

I can tell he still has feelings for me. We’ve had good conversations, and I’ve offered to help do promo stuff for his company. But I don’t know exactly where to go from here, since I started off wrong lol.

Any help is greatly appreciated!!! Thanks in advance!

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:10 am

Thanks for the super kind words Kate! You know how to make a fella feel good!

Well technically you and Frank never dated. At least, you weren’t official so I think that maybe different rules apply to you. I say you go ahead and put yourself out there a little bit to see what happens. If it doesn’t go well then you can always go NC later.
Kate

July 24, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Thanks a lot! I appreciate your response.

I’ll continue to do a little. 🙂

I hope you have an amazing week!
admin

July 25, 2013 at 2:18 am

You too!

patricia

July 23, 2013 at 10:29 am

my x called! said he misses me! but i didn’t say it back! so i told him i couldn’t talk, i was in the office! promised to call later! i don know what to do now after the 5months of not talking!

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:01 am

Patricia,

I think you should try talking to him. Is he dating the other girl still?

pinkdelight

July 23, 2013 at 8:15 am

my ex and i went out for about 4 1/2 years. i broke up with him first after 4 years into the relationship. Then we got back together after 8 months. He dated someone else during the 8 months apart, and when I couldn’t get over it so I kept bugging him about it and 3 months later, he broke it off saying he thinks we don’t match and we want different things. We broke up June 2012. We still kept in contact til April 2013. We hooked up, but I felt that something was wrong, so I asked him if he was seeing someone else. He said no, but later I found out that he was sort of seeing someone since the beginning of this year. And when other friends asked, he keeps saying he doesn’t have a special someone. I don’t get why he’s denying her. Also, there was a wedding party I had to attend, and the ex and the girl was there. He was sitting next to her but didn’t really say much to her. He kind of had his back to her most of the time and was drinking and having fun with my friends. But it’s not like he didn’t say anything to me either. I was having fun with my other friends and didn’t talk to him at all. Because we stopped talking to each other, and also we fought in June because he found out that I asked someone about the girl and I told my friend that we hooked up in April. He yelled at me and said I can’t be trusted, but I know he loses it when he gets mad. But I was scared, because it seemed as if he hated me. But as I was going to the bathroom at the wedding party, he quietly said two words as I passed by. “Stop drinking” (I wasn’t drunk, but I was drinking a lot and having fun with my friends). And as he left with his current girl, my friend told me that he told my friend to make sure I go home safely because I drank a lot. And I happened to bump into him last week, but I was very awkward. His sister told me that I just looked like I didn’t really want to be near him, so I kinda left the area to where my other friends were.

I don’t get it. We haven’t talked since April technically. Fight was in June but it wasn’t really a conversation. He’s with someone else but why does he care to tell me to stop drinking. And why wasn’t he attentive to his new girl? It’s been a year and I still want him back, but I’m scared to do anything so I’m just doing nothing and just sitting around and waiting while pretending I’m not doing so. Is there no hope? I feel as if he wanted to get back, he should’ve contacted me already. Or am I supposed to give him more space and completely disappear from his life and make him wonder what I’m up to? I deactived my facebook today in hopes that he might be curious, since I update a lot of stuff on facebook.

admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:00 am

Well, the only certainty is that if you do nothing, nothing will happen.

Why don’t you try contacting him? Check out the post on using text messages to give you a good idea of how to text him.
pinkdelight

July 23, 2013 at 8:19 am

And the two times I saw him, the wedding and last week, I made sure I looked pretty. Especially because his current girlfriend is not that physically attractive.I’m not saying looks is everything but it was in hopes that maybe, maybe he might take a second look and want to contact me.

Veera

July 23, 2013 at 5:25 am

is there any way to see if rebound is not a rebound anymore and has turn in to a real relationship. They both are in rebound and it has last almost 4 month now. I have been too broken to do anything and sometimes i feel is it too late? she is very young and naive, and i just dont see that they have anything in common, but sex, she is kinda white trash and i´m classy (or i think i´m 😉 ). but i also know that she has money issues and i feel she is using him somehow but very naive way. And i don´t think he can be so stupid for long.

admin

July 24, 2013 at 3:54 am

What have you done to improve yourself during this time? You have to give him a compelling reason to WANT to come back to you.
[email protected]

July 24, 2013 at 4:33 am

i have changed everything. bought new clothes, started yoga again, witch has changed my body and my appearance a lot. now when i looked back when we accidently met i was not wearing what he thinks is hot.but kinda old veera. mayby i should change my facebook picture. Im going in a holiday in couple of weeks abroad. some party pictures from there?
admin

July 24, 2013 at 4:50 am

That sounds like a great idea!
Veera

July 25, 2013 at 4:49 am

Thank you so much that you help us. But i am in dispair, Is there anyway to find out are they for real. Or am i just waisting my time. I really do want him back, but this is really hard. I know i might hurt myself even more and i´m prepared for that. I believe that he is kinda “grass in greener” relationship. and i have changed lot in these past months. lost weight, new haircut etc. found great new friends. are there any signs that i should try to find out?
admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:34 am

I am literally working on a post about rebound relationships today and am hoping to have it live by tomorrow. Bottom line, I am going to dissect them and tell you how to approach them if you are on the outside looking in. So, be on the lookout for that in the next few days.

Until then, just try to get your mind off of the heartache for a while. Take a Veera only day!

Ashby

July 23, 2013 at 5:23 am

I am lost in what is going on in my relationship with my ex. We were together 8 years we got together when we were 18. In januray we started talking about having kids getting married and I got nervous that what if we wake up one day in our 50s and realize we didn’t get to live life as individuals and learn who we are in life. So I left the relationship the hardest thing I have ever done he started talking to this girl by the end of February. We have never stopped talking or seeing each other intimately.about three weeks ago he said we could not talk any more I said ok. It was not what I wanted because I realized after leaving within a week how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. We didn’t talk for two weeks and then he called I had forgotten how much I loved hearing his voice but I realized more how much i misy best frien. We talked all this week had laughs and it felt like maybe we were making some type of progress.He is still with this New girlfriend. Today he told me its not a good idea for us to meet up when he gets back in town as we planned. I don’t understand how he can go from telling me he can’t wait to see me to its not a good idea for us to see each other. He has my heart and his my best friend I would love to share my life with him. And if I can’t I will be happy for him as long as he is happy.

admin

July 24, 2013 at 3:53 am

Well, when you are with someone for that long things can get a bit dull. Do you think maybe he is just bored a little bit? The new girl may bring up some new feelings in him that he has forgotten.

I do advise you to try the no contact rule definitely I think it could be really effective in your case.
Ashby

July 24, 2013 at 5:22 am

I would say yes maybe things were dull in his eyes, I want to do the NC rule but the only problem I have is we just found out this week his moms cancer is back and the last time we went threw this I was the rock for him. I guess I am nervous to shut him out at this point but I do think it would be good.
admin

July 24, 2013 at 5:28 am

Oh shucks that darn cancer.

Ughh…. this is an even tougher situation. What do you do.

Maybe you go into minimal contact where you only discuss the cancer with him and are his rock but you still limit contact greatly.
Ashby

August 1, 2013 at 1:21 am

Ok I have a question its been 8 days of NC he called Monday I didn’t answer or respond today he text asking if I had his gun which is in my name. I didn’t respond I am just worried that his just contacting me for his things but these are things I have asked him several times over the last months to come get.
admin

August 1, 2013 at 5:34 am

Well, I think you can break NC to give him his stuff back.
Ashby

July 24, 2013 at 1:33 pm

Ok I can do this one more important question. This rebound girl how do I know when she is no longer the rebound girl. I have been working very hard on myself mentally and physically I have lost 60 pounds changed my look but i just think she is becoming something that will last even though we still hook up and talk.

Thanks a million for your advice!
admin

July 25, 2013 at 2:17 am

Well, there is really no litmus test you can take to know if the rebound relationship is a rebound. However, some common signs of rebounds include:

Dating very quickly after a breakup.
His friends and family are surprised he is moving on this fast.
The new girl is a distraction (to get his mind off the heartache.)

Veera

July 23, 2013 at 5:04 am

I wonder why he always reacts strongly with new gf when he hears or sees me. First they had a fight and then i did not contact him a while and when I did and after that when we accidently met I heard that they went shopping sex stuff. (small town, chatty girl).

When we were in a relationship i was so afraid that he would be jealous of me that i lost all my flirtiness and stopped dressing sexy so he wouldn´t have to be worried. So stupid of me, but i gained weight and didn´t feel sexy. now things have changed and i look hot (or as hot as i can be 😉 ) and i want him to see new me. But should be my next move. Should i wait 30 days? I counted wrong my last nc, forgot one conversation we had and it was about money. I think he feels i was boring me again and new one in wild. is there anything i can do?

admin

July 24, 2013 at 3:47 am

At this point Veera, just work on improving yourself during NC and you will be doing everything right.

Also, don’t say that you are as sexy as you can be. Just own it and say you are HOT!

Melissa

July 23, 2013 at 1:54 am

We were together for 2 years. He broke up with me5 months ago, but we still talked regularly. He gave so many reasons for ending things but still continued talking to me. Last week he invited me on a date and seemed interested in me. I got hope that maybe he wanted to get back together. He then tells me he’s been seeing someone, a model. I’m an average girl kinda plain but fun by no means a model. I’ve now seen pictures of them on his friends fb. Yes she looks like a model. Why ask me on a date? Can I get him back? Even when the new girl completely is a 10 and I’m a 4. I know you say work out exceed but I am not a model could never be. Is it better to just know I’ve lost him since the new girl looks amazing.

admin

July 23, 2013 at 3:28 am

Hi Melissa,

I think you shouldn’t put yourself down like that. So what if she is a ten. I bet you she has some serious emotional issues. Pretty girls usually do trust me. For now, I think you should just continue to work on improving yourself. Focus on the things that you can control!

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