Has Your Ex Has Moved On And What To Do About It

83 thoughts on “Has Your Ex Has Moved On And What To Do About It”

Hopeful in Harlem

October 23, 2018 at 3:21 am

Help! My ex and I broke uo about a month ago. I went Into NC – after 17 days he texted me and yes I replied He called that night and talked for 3 hours and in that time he revealed that he has dated and is not seeing this one woman who he has been intimate with. Gah! Well we texted and talked over the next couple days then radio silence on both our ends. He was always the one to reach out. After a few days I reached out talking about a concert I went to by a band we both like and how great it was. He responded – quickly- asking who the opening band was and I said I wasnt Sure cause we didn’t make it for the opening. He was then curious who the “we” was and I said A friend and how great the weather turned out. He responded with “ A friend … ” I in turn did not respond leaving the circle still open. I feel like I played this convo beautifully until … Two hours later he sent a message saying the question was for the sole purpose to see if I was Going to tell him the truth and that he’s not being a hypocrite and that if he’s not mad if I’m seeing someone else and if I’m playing both sides of the fence then it’s just plain wrong. To which my last reply was that he should know me better than that and I dont Like the game playing and I’m always honest with him. I got no response from him.
I dont Get it. I dont Know what fence he’s speaking of. When we spoke over the phone we both did say that we still cared etc and the door wasn’t closed. So what do I do Now? I feel Like I shoukd Go NC and just let it lay. Did I ruin My chances of a reconciliation for good? I’m so confused.

Chris Seiter

October 24, 2018 at 3:30 am

Hi there Hopeful!

First of all, that is a great name…..”Hopeful”! I think you will benefit by understanding more about the ex recovery process. NC when executed well has a lot of benefits and it all starts with your own healing and becoming the best version of yourself. Consider taking a look at some of the resources I discuss on my home page.

Stirling

September 9, 2018 at 10:17 pm

Hi Chris, thanks for your response. Do you honestly think it’s over between us now that he has a girlfriend?

Chris Seiter

September 10, 2018 at 2:08 am

Oh No…its not that unusual for guys to go chasing after another girl. It doesn’t mean they will love them or even draw close to them. It happens…its is life…and you do the things to focus on “you” and your healing and efforts to reinforce your value.
Chris Seiter

September 10, 2018 at 2:08 am

Oh No…its not that unusual for guys to go chasing after another girl. It doesn’t mean they will love them or even draw close to them. It happens…its is life…and you do the things to focus on “you” and your healing and efforts to reinforce your value.

Stirling

September 9, 2018 at 2:02 pm

My ex has moved on to a new girlfriend, I can’t help but think he told me that ” I wanted more from him, and he’s not the one for me.” Then four months later gets into a relationship where I know he will have to give himself to his new girlfriend . I really feel that he wanted just to be physical with me, no emotions, no commitment. When I called him out, he had an outburst and said ” He was done and I couldn’t handle being his friend.” Most of my friends and family are done with talking about him. I do want to move on, but it’s been a year of back and forth up and down. I know the healing process is different for everyone and he could have been telling me all along why we didn’t work and I wasn’t listening. My biggest question is why come over to my apartment, but not want a relationship with me and get with someone else?

Chris Seiter

September 9, 2018 at 6:51 pm

HI Stirling!

Yes, some guys just are a bit selfish and need a wake up call. So keep working toward your full recovery and if he truly wants something special with you, the ball is in his court.

Gemma

August 17, 2018 at 2:07 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me just over 2 months ago and I’ve been in NC since then though it’s killing me.
We were together just under a year. One month in to our relationship he’d told me that he was dating someone before he met me and that she was pregnant. He didn’t know what was going to happen as she left him after just 2 months together to go back to her ex boyfriend and didn’t want him to be involved with the baby. So I asked him to tell me absolutely everything, and we’d get through it (we’re both full grown adults and I have a son too)
Come Christmas and he gets an email from his ex to say he now has a daughter and wanted to be in touch. He told me he didn’t think he should be involved and I really pushed him to do it. He would have been miserable if he hadn’t and I stand firm to my decision. Though it would have been easier on me I knew it was the right thing to do.
All was great for a while, he was visiting baby at his exes house 3 times a week and he did all he could to make me feel uncomfortable.
Then something shifted. I caught him lying a couple of times. He wouldn’t call me after his visits and make excuses and I got really insecure causing to a fair few fights. I just knew something was going on and he wasn’t pushing for solo access, he was quite happy spending time as the 3 of them.
6 months after the baby was born, I got dumped. And I mean DUMPED! I had a letter and a box with all of my stuff in left at my house. The letter said that if done nothing wrong but with house move, money, job etc…he (and I quote) “needs to get himself sorted before he can commit to anything.”
Well of course just 3 weeks later he’s posting over Facebook (he unfriended me, I did snooping) about his love for his girlfriend.
I called him out on it and emailed a very classy respectful email to say that I knew. He denies any wrongdoing on his part entirely, even down to the way he broke up with me.
It’s been about 7 weeks of no contact now and his birthday is on Tuesday so I’m tempted to send a little email, what do you think?
I’m not entirely sure what I want to be honest. I think more than anything validation that this guy isn’t worth my time, despite how much I love him and I know how much he loved me too. He has a history of just walking away from things and I’m not that person, I want him to know that I still care I guess.
Any thoughts would be wonderful!

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 3:39 pm

Sometimes its best to move on in one sense, but leave open far in the back of your mind the possibility that if the right things happen and unfold, you may revisit. But the focus now should be on your self healing. History means a lot to me. If a guy shows a repeated history of walking away…that is not something that sits well with me.

Jen

May 6, 2018 at 9:00 pm

I met a guy soon after ending a long term relationship. After a few dates I found out he had also ended a long term relationship recently with a girl he dated for 9 years who was and still is very intertwined with his friends and family. Both of us being so fresh out of relationships we thought we would just see each other casually and did the whole friends with benefits thing. However, after a few months I fell hard for him- we made things exclusive, things were great and then his Ex re-entered his life. He told me that he needed some time to “self reflect” because seeing her made him realize how he wasn’t over her. I haven’t contacted him in two weeks but all his Ex posts on social media are posts relating to him-but not directly about him. She also lives 5 hours away. I am not sure if they are back together or not. But, I really thought we had something amazing, and I am not sure where to go from here. I almost wish we could hit the reset button on the whole thing.

Chris Seiter

May 6, 2018 at 9:12 pm

Hi Jen…I am sorry for your pain. I know it hurts. There is a bitter sweet quality to this whole thing. I know you want what is best for him, but you feel its you that is best and he has yet to learn that. Perhaps the best thing to do is proceed with the teachings in my ebook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” (website Menu/products link). It is a pretty comprehensive resource and should serve as your Companion Guide throughout this whole process as there could be some twists and turns. Going forward, a big part of your efforts should be around self recovery. Neither of know the future, but however this shakes out, I am quite certain you will end up on a path that will lead to fulfillment.

Liz

May 3, 2018 at 9:16 am

Chris,
My ex of 4 years (very serious) and I split. He got into a relationship 2 weeks later. She moved across the country to be with him and 3 months later are engaged. It seems serious, but happened so quickly. The breakup was rather sudden. And I know for certain he met her shortly after we split. I’ve been in NC for 3 months anf haven’t tried reaching out because I am blocked on everything. I don’t know what to do anymore..

Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 2:16 pm

Hi Liz…I am sorry for your pain. Neither of us know the future for sure. And you can only control so many things. If their relationship blossoms, then so be it. If it doesn’t then, you can use some of the tactics I talk about in my ebooks here to improve your chances. So going forward focus on your own healing. You also should consider joining my Private Facebook Support Group (1500 members. It has like minded women, like yourself, who do a lot to help each other and themselves. I do weekly live webcasts for the Group as well. You can learn more at my Website Menu/Products section!

Kristen D

April 4, 2018 at 3:01 am

Me and my boyfriend were together for over 6 years. We went through hell and back and grew together. This past thanksgiving he told me he needed a break but that it was because he was stresssd (he was half way through the police academy) and he needed time to figure everything out but he didn’t want to be with anyone else. We talked occasionally but it got to be too much for me so I told him to leave me alone until he could be all in with me. Two weeks after that I find out he hooked up with a girl from the academy and i freaked out. He told me it happened just once and t didn’t mean anything. Me and him agreed to slowly work things out. He said to me “people break up and get back together all the time” and I said yes and they also never speak again. And his reply “I don’t ever want that”.. after this we talked a lot, we even talked on the phone which we didnt do that often as a couple before. We however never saw each other. Two weeks ago after we had planned to get dinner I find out he’s been hooking up with that girl still but he made it a point to tell me that she’s not his girlfriend. After hearing this I blocked him on social media and his number for a couple nights. I started the no contact (two weeks in) and today I find out that he brought this girl to dinner with his parents last week and then this weekend they are going away together. What I don’t understand is why was he still entertaining a relationship with me if he’s so happy with her? And also, is there still hope for me and him? I love him so much and saw myself marrying him. I’m two weeks into my no contact and want to know if I should still reach out when the no contact period is over ? Please help!

Chris Seiter

April 5, 2018 at 10:46 pm

You definitely should. Why don’t we work on your reach out text together!
Kristen D

April 6, 2018 at 2:56 am

Hey Chris,

Thanks for responding!! I would love to work together on my reach out text. Let me know how to contact you for that and what the next steps are. Thanks!!!

-Kristen D
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 4:44 am

First things first,

Curiosity.. you need a hook that will make any man want to respond to the text. That’s step one.
Kristen D

April 7, 2018 at 5:44 am

I signed up for one on one coaching but with annna any way I can switch it to you? Let me know
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 9:30 pm

Hey Kristen!

Thank you so much for putting your trust into us!!!!

Right now if it says I’m all booked up I am all booked up. But typically what Anna and I do is kind of swap for followup calls. So, if you go through the coaching with Anna and feel that you’ll need another one (which is significantly cheaper) you can always request me and I’ll make time for you.

We just ran a big promotion though so I’m all booked up for the next two weeks.

Trust me when I say that Anna will blow you away and we’ll even give you access to our Private Facebook Group if you don’t already have it. That way you can communicate with us all the time.

I’m doing weekly FB lives in there and answering questions. Plus it’ll connect you with thousands of women going through what you are going through.

Maria

April 2, 2018 at 7:49 am

my ex of 6 years and I, broke up in september. We were still seeing each other and sleeping together but i found out in december that he was seeing someone from when we broke up. We stopped talking and then started sleeping with each other again in February. I have stopped now but we still hang out. He isn’t in a relationship but he does like this girl a lot. He comes over to my place still but we don’t go out in public. I’m not ‘being there’ properly and I’m worried he is having his cake and eating it but I also do want him back. My questions are
1. Do you suggest no contact? Because we are ‘talking’ I am worried if i end our contact abruptly he will get closer to her.
2. Do I need to tell him I am going to do no contact or should I just disappear?
3. Also do I tell her about me and him?

Your suggestions are welcome

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 2:11 am

Thank you so much for making your questions easy to find.

1. Yes I do

2. No just disappear we find it’s more effective

3. The messenger usually gets shot. That’s all I’ll say.
Maria

April 7, 2018 at 11:27 am

Thank you so much!

I started the no contact and did exactly what Malorie (from your podcast about talking to your ex before no contact did). He messaged me everyday and even dropped my favourite food at my house because he thought I was upset. I felt bad and needed to ‘explain’ myself. Then I heard the podcast and sighed heavily! We are kind of talking again. But I am determined to do no contact. I think my fear is the OW getting close to him because it may be more than a rebound. It’s been 8 months since they’ve been seeing each other. I’ll reread the no contact rulebook I purchased from you for sure but do you have any more suggestions? I’m not sure if i have a chance
Chris Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 9:51 pm

I am glad someone listens to the podcast!

I was beginning to think no one did haha.

Ok, so just from a birds eye view if he is bringing you food while he is dating this other woman… that is a good sign that he still holds feelings for you.

Gracie

March 25, 2018 at 8:05 pm

Me and my ex broke up 11 weeks ago. He ended it out of the blue after a great Christmas together, we had been together for 8mths and everything was great, never had a row, had been a away on a romantic trip in nov both of us said how happy we were but he got a new job and it became very stressful before the holidays. He said he just couldn’t be happy in a relationship with the stress of his work life. I did beg him for another chance, wrong I know and he said he couldn’t deal with a relationship anymore it didn’t make him happy, we tried no NC after this but neither of us stuck to it. We started again 33 days ago and there’s been no contact. Before this NC period we had been texting and it was all positive until I suggested meeting up and he flipped so we started NC again. But in the last 2 weeks he’s been out with another woman, I seen them on Snapchat I removed him after seeing the story of them together but have seen them on mutual friends fb post too. My gut is telling me we have a chance because things were so good but he seems to have moved on, I don’t know if this is rebound or not. I’m starting to lose hope.

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 1:19 am

Ah, the other woman.

May I ask you how he met her? Do you even know?
Gracie

April 3, 2018 at 6:52 am

I knew he was on tinder again so I’m assuming this is where they met. He did tell me before we entered into NC he had been on a few dates but nothing serious but now he’s been out every weekend with this woman.

Christine

March 17, 2018 at 1:35 pm

My ex and i dated for almost six years then he moved away for a job. A year later, he told me he did not want to move on to the next stage of our relationship and we broke up. We both wanted different things. I messed up the No Contact rule and kept emailing him. He would reply sometimes but not all the time. 6 months after we broke up, I found out through a friend that he was dating someone new. I got really mad and sent a long nasty and hateful email. Since then, we have not talked. It has been almost 4 months since that happened. He is coming home for a friend’s wedding next month. I feel bad about the last email I sent in anger. Should I email him to apologize or just leave it? Should I talk to him when I see him at the wedding?.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2018 at 5:05 pm

Hi Christine,

Don’t email.. You can apologize but make it casual. Dont look like you’re chasing him.

essy

March 15, 2018 at 11:42 am

Hey, my EX and i where on the No contact for years and we started talking last month and have been on a date once where we kinda sorted out our issues and we decided to start things but by being friends coz he has moved on him being my baby daddy i agreed and he even unblocked me on social media,i have a problem though i dont know how to engage him into any converstion apart from business related which he replies to i would want him to hang around with him on and eventually have him back into my life and our baby

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 5:39 pm

Hi Essy,

How old is your baby now? Have you checked this one:
Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back

Carrie

March 12, 2018 at 10:49 pm

What do you do if you’ve successfully gone through no contact more than once and have become the ungetable girl yet one argument seemed to ruin everything. After a year period of no contact my ex and I slowly started to rekindle he moved away and when I vacationed in his city we would hangout and when he came to town he would go out of his way to see me which led to him casually asking me to visit solo to practically begging me too after a few months I agreed. We spent 4 days together on the 4th day I sensed ashift in his energy that was quite negative towards me he still cared for cooking making me coffee but his affection grew cold and distant. I politely asked him if anything was wrong he assured me nothing was. Aside from him inquiring if I landed safely I hardly heard from him, until I had inquired about a beer he had selected for me while visiting he text me back instantly and even tried make late night conversation which wasn’t like him unless he was in town. A week later his cousin who a close friend of mine (engaged to my cousin) casually mentioned that he had moved back home and was temporarily staying with his parents, I too currently staying with my family are parents live in the same neighborhood so he’s litteraly been living 2 streets behind me without my knowledge. That same day he ran into my father at the gas station and nonchalantly mentioned he moved back failing to mention he hadn’t told me. After awhile it upset me because I felt I was ghosted and had a slight breakdown. Foolishly I continued to talk to him occasionally, I even invited him to go see a movie with me which we had planned to do in his next visit ( before he moved back). He declined told me he had a full day but thanks for the invite. It made me withdraw until he made contact a few weeks later and we ended up hanging out we talked about him not telling me he moved back he ended up staying over we cuddled all night and the next morning we ended up sleeping together. After that I went no contact because I didn’t know how to feel. After about 2 months I intiated contact reaching out on his birthday I got no reply until about a week later. He randomly sent me a dm on snap I didn’t open it I just cleared the message the next day a quote on fb saying 3 things you can’t recover in life the moment after it’s missed, the words after it’s said, the time after it’s wasted. About I week later I was on vacation and posting snaps he reached out in another dm I didn’t check it I looked to see who viewed my story he viewed all my post. The next day he dm me again. Over the next month he continued to try to reach out over social media text and calls. I remained in no contact until I felt comfortable reaching out. We’re both foodies that one of our bonds so I sent him a snap of my meal, he text me his response instead we were in casual contact for about a week. Then a week of silence. Until I had to go over to his parents place to help out with wedding stuff it was a group activity and one of my duties as a bridesmaid to assist his mother failed to mention he had a shift change and no longer worked til midnight he came home way midway through the project. Everything was fine until I was asked to help stay and clean it ended up being us alone downstairs for about 5 minutes he began flirting with me like a school boy flirting with the girl he likes. Once our cousins returned we began discussing my latest family events my brothers baby shower and he offered to buy a gift quite an expensive one a baby monitor with digital camera being that my brothers girlfriend is partially deaf , mind you he hadn’t seen them in months. Upon leaving we decided to continue to hang out he insisted on taking a shower and getting out of his work clothes first he came to my home overdressed in a casual way nice shirt shoes and jeans which was unusual for him. I failed to tell him my dad wasn’t to fond of him until he arrived and had him wait before coming in to make sure we were uninterrupted. He still stayed he inquired why I didn’t say I offered him a beer instead of sitting down he grabbed me one and preceded to my kitchen to open them. We watched shows hung out. My best friend kept texting me and I unknowingly laughed out loud which made him inquire who I was talking to too after he kept guessing wrong he made a snide remark about me talking to another man. I let it go we continued to chill watched a movie a few shows he occasionally dosed off as he often does watching tv. He kept playfully trying to flirt with me which I kept rejecting, during that time he made a bad joke which upset me ( I overreacted) he tried to hold me and playfully tackling me so we were in a laying position and still didn’t take me seriously when I told him to let go. Because I got upset he did also and suggested he leave but didn’t instead we got into an argument and he preceded to blame me for us sleeping together when we hung out last and that I have ulterior motives when we hangout etc. I asked him why he was here then and he said it was because I was a decent a person and not hanging out when we both agreed would be a f*** you to me. I assured him I wouldn’t feel that way and he said he knows because I don’t think like that. He also talked about me being on my phone and said he puts his down and anybody contacting him at these hours aren’t important and he doesn’t need reply. He put his phone aside and anytime he got an alert be it text or dm he showed me he always has for some reason. After all that he didn’t leave we watched a comedy special he kept saying he was gonna go but I litterly had to kick him out. Everything was good until I walked him out and he inquired about my dad again I told him the truth that my father felt like he disappeared. That led to world war 3 he got upset and said he didn’t dissapear blamed it on his work schedule but said my dad was wrong but I have to have his back because he’s my dad even if he is wrong, then had an outburst saying it’s just when you stop dating a girl and your parents try to suggest things to fix it and it doesn’t work instead of them having your back because they are yours parents they always have hers, I asked him if that’s how he really felt he denied he was talking about me and said it was a scenario. I asked if we could talk another time I was freezing (I’m anemic) he said we had nothing to talk about but preceded to say if I called or text he wouldn’t ignore me. He then yelled at me to go inside like a concerned parent because I was cold. I reached out a few days later because I felt bad for not telling him about my dad but just asked him to meet. He replied a day later saying he was out of town. I said nothing that was a month ago. I reached out recently sending a good pic on snap because it made me think of him he opened it within 2 minutes but never replied. It seems like he cares me but then acts out so I don’t what to do anymore, I’m all tapped out where do I go from here. Please help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 5:54 pm

Hi Carrie,

Move on. You’re not going to come from a fresh start unless you genuinely move on because even if you did a lot of nc, it looks like you still have the expectation of something more from him or that he should do this or that thing for you, like telling you that he has moved back already..because it wouldn’t have hurt you that much if you have moved on..

You would just wonder why and ask him casually.. If he gets friendly again, don’t read much into it and don’t expect much from him.. If he wants you back, he has to work for it and he has to be clear.. But the best thing for you is to move on and to either be just friendly with him or not at all. Easier said than done but not impossible.

G

March 12, 2018 at 9:28 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up last month after 2 years together because we were at different stages in our life I loved spending time with my friends whereas he didn’t have many friends so just wanted to spend everyday with me which caused arguments. Since being split up he’s became the man I always wanted him to be, socialising a lot so now I want him back more than anything. He tells me now how happy he is without me and it’s for the best we split up but says he will always love me and because of how much he loves me he can’t get back with me. He always pops up causing an argument or trying to start a conversation but I’ve told him to leave me alone and let me move on because I can’t be friends with him, I can’t be in contact if we can’t be together as my head is gong insane thinking what girls is he speaking to or what is he doing. What does this mean? What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 8:54 am

Hi G

He might be doing it intentionally or not but it looks like he’s trying to get back at you. Where does he pop up? Are you in nc?

Nichole

March 12, 2018 at 9:29 am

my boyfriend of 13 years has been working out of state for the last 6 months, his 18 year old son lives with us. We have had our ups and downs, but I thought things were going ok. He would travel home every few weeks, and I had spent sometime down there twice,He was last home about a month ago, since then I have noticed him getting more and more distant. A little over a week ago I could not even get ahold of him for the whole weekend. I started to feel in my gut something was wrong, I even asked him. He denied anything and said he was just really busy with work. Last thursday I had enough, I hacked into his messenger account and discovered my worst fear. He has been talking to someone from where he is staying. I immediatley panicked and messaged her on Facebook explaining our issue, and told her I did not blame her, but asked for her respect. My boyfriend immediatley found out, and had me blocked. He never even contacted me that night. I layed in my bed at our house with his teenage son next door in agony and disbeleif. I have now discovered his son has been made aware by his dad that his dad planned on leaving me when this job is done in a month or so. His son is planning on going down to visit his dad in a week or so for his spring break. He is possibly buying a house here or there. By the messages I remember reading it sounded as if he is thinking about buying a house there. He has been looking at properties in the area where hes working for sometime. I just thought he was maybe looking for a investment property or window shopping. I have known now for 4 days. I have only spoken to him through text. He has told me that I never took him serious the times he has told me he wanted to move on, and he doesnt love me anymore, and hasnt for a while. Like I said we have had struggles, especially financially and with issues with his kids, but I have been here the last 6 months helping him with his kids (the other ones live with their mom) We had a great time, the two times I went down to visit, and have a great sexual relationship, I felt especially now that he’s been gone. He also told me through text that hes only known this girl for a short amount of time,and his decision wouldnt be different either way,and she had not been pulling any strings in the background. I care about his kids, Like I said we have had our issues, but I am devastated thinking about not having this life anymore. I am extremely shocked and hurt by his actions. I believe this is the only time he has cheated on me. He tied to break up with me a year in a half ago or so, and after we started working on things he told me he had talked to other woman, but couldnt find it in himself to cheat on me. He also pretty much said he has felt our relationship has been over since he left for the job? And that he will comeback to get his stuff and is buying a place by himself and focusing on his future, either here or where hes working. He works for a big commercial construction company based out of here. If he stayed there he would be giving up alot, including great union benefits. In the meantime now, I have spent the last
few days reading countless articles about what to do. I am in so much disbeleif still, I havent been able to sleep or eat. Like I said his son is living here with me, he is supposed to graduate this year. I love him more than anything, I feel irritated alot with him like he is being selfish. I did not see this coming though until recently. What do I do?? I would like to try to work it out. I dont know what his intentions are with this woman, sounds like he has only known her a few weeks, but in the messages they were saying “I love you?” and were talking like we first did when we met. Like I said I havent actually spoken to him yet. He hasnt had the balls to call me, I tried to call him and he didnt answer. I messaged wth him last night and asked him to call me, an he said he would tonight, he was just heading to bed. I have only talked to a few close friends and my brother about this. I really dont have alot of family,both my parents are deceased. I am closer to his brothers and their wives. I am extremely upset, but dont feel that its worth throwing everything away. Please help! Acourse everyone says to let him go, but its not that easy. We have a house and 2 dogs together and like I said his son still lives here with me.I feel I have invested too much time and effort to throw it all away, but sounds like he doesnt feel the same. I also thin this new realtionship with this girl is a rebound, or easy way out. She has 2 small children and has similar looks to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2018 at 8:40 am

Hji Nicole,

She’s not a rebound because he’s leaving you for her.. Yup, you invested too much on him and his family and the truth is right now, chasing him is not going to help you.

Kish

March 11, 2018 at 12:42 pm

Hi Amor,

We were together for almost two years before he said he wanted to remove the label (boyfriend/girlfriend). He actually thought we were together for only one year (when he explained why he wanted to “start over”) , but I didn’t bother correcting him because I was crying. He said he wanted to start over, I couldn’t understand what he meant as I was devastated.

He had a relationship of 6 years before me (two before that) and he met me months after. I didn’t know how many months, I never asked.

I asked for an apology for stealing my work, he did apologize but added something along the lines of, “I was going to show you a completed version of this, just to let you know how much I cared for what we did together.” and, “I’m surprised by your dedication to stalk, shouldn’t have shared things with you if this is how it would go.”

He added hours later, “Being cold with each other isn’t necessary, especially if we’ll be working together.” I didn’t comment on that, I just accepted his apology and apologized for stalking him, I left the conversation soon after.

A few days after that, we saw each other. He didn’t bring up anything about this, just some small talk.

I believe him being close to our friend was his way of moving on, it’s driving me crazy. In the past few days, I’ve decided that I will no longer chase after him, and to keep my jealousy away. I just want him to realize that I really do want to fix our relationship, and that small talk is not the way to go.

So far he hasn’t talked to me about our relationship, it’s been a week and I don’t expect him to anytime soon. I’m still clinging on to the hope that he will, though.

Is this the way to go?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 12:41 pm

you should make it clear with him first.. Tell him being friends right now is not workable for you.. Don’t tell him you’re going to be friends someday. Because right now, he broke up with you, it’s obvious that he just said you were changing labels to soften the blow.

Ella

March 10, 2018 at 3:53 pm

SORRY FOR THE LONG POST
I told my story here before. Break up, NC, building rapport, flirting, trapped in that zone (with him delaying the answers or texting three times in a week, we had a blanance initiating but then it was me “chasing), NC, he texted very nice and a little flirty… And a week and a half ago he told me that he only wantes sexting (he currently lives in the other side of the country) and talk about movies sometimes. I didn’t begged but told him that I’ve missed him and…anything else because he didn’t want to hear (a few months ago we have talked about that and he told me that he had missed me and he was happy to hear that me too and that we could talk about us after he ends his time in that city). He told me in this last conversation that he only wants fun, that his life has enough drama. I asked him if that was a “never” and he answered “for now, yes, it is”. I asked him if he didn’t want to see me anymore (he avoided to meet a few times) and he told me “for now, I don’t want to, but someday, obviously” After ending the conversation he told me “and remember, you’re more than your body” (this after having told me that he only wanted “sex and movies”). So I’m in NC. And not only for 30 days. After that, I don’t feel like initiating. I need him to do it (last time he did but…I don0t know anymore). I’m playing my best UG technics and keeping my social like up (but I had never left it). I want him to miss me.
The thing is…there is that girl which has been “chasing” him for months, in social media she is desperate. Likes all his posts, since she started to talk to him she suddenly started to love everything he likes. All her postings are about how much she loves everything he likes and how much he likes the guys with his physical description. When I say “all her postins” I mean exactly that. More than one person had answered her telling she is obsessed. And for another things, I know that she was “friendzoned” (well, even less than friendship). BUT for something that happened, he is very vulnerable these days. And I am really afraid that she showed up to be there for him and… Because she lives in his “new” city. They didn’t use to meet, but what if she has taken advantage of the opportunity? I try to be rational and think…I he was interested in her, they have been dating since September. And they weren¡t. And the is so obsessive and intensa that…if they start to date, these can’t be a good relationship. Still, I am worried. I don0t know anything, it may be my imagination but…
So…what can I do? I’ve been in NC for two weeks and I want to keep like this. After that conversation I told at first, I need him to text me first. I don’t want a 30 day NC and then texting him. No, I want to keep my NC after that, until he texts. Last time it was on day 30, I’m afraid that this time he won’t text anymore (my usual fear which never came true but I’m afraid he got uncomfortable after the last conversation, even if I didn’t beg and we didn’t fight, it was friendly and we end up in very good terms).
So….what can I do (without contacting) to make him chase me again and win over the other girl (if she really got him, which I don’t know but it’s my fear and I want to be prepared to fight that)?? I’ playing the UG and keeping my social media game up but I need more to attract him with all those walls (distance, not wanting complications, maybe the other girl…)
Thank you a lot

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2018 at 11:39 am

Hi Ella,

For me you should move on but if you still want to try, set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate..

Confused

March 10, 2018 at 11:18 am

My ex and I split back in June. I went no contact for 30 days and he said he wanted to work on the relationship. He did nothing for the next 30 days but say he was unsure about the break up before deciding in August that he wanted to move forward in life. I went no contact for 60 days, in October he told me how much he missed me and that we were going to get back Together. I told him to prove to me with his actions that he is serious and he went completely missing in action and then stopped talking to me all together. I found out in February he had been seeing his new girlfriend since before June, the month we broke up. We were together 9 yrs and lived together for 5 years. I had to relocate for 18 mos to advance my career while he stayed behind to advance his, when I left we agreed to a long distance relationship. He still denies to his family and friends that he is in a relationship however the new girlfriend posted couple photos of them dating back several months including a recent vacation together where he also lied
To his family about where he we going and he who was with.
M

March 9, 2018 at 6:20 pm

Wow this definitely gave me some hope! And I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless to be honest.

I’ve been very confused as to whether I should continue NC or try the “being there route”, PLEASE ADVISE!

My ex and I were involved for 3 years and were very serious about a future together. (to the point that I had a diamond promise ring that he wanted me to wear on my ring finger every day) Also, at 30 years old, he’s only had 3 relationships including myself (now 4) and also is only intimate if he’s in a relationship. I left him last September because we were fighting too much (I didn’t know it all stemmed from his insecurity about our relationship and his depression). We started talking again in October and immediately became involved. We were intimate, we said we loved each other, but I pushed him away by continuing to say let’s not be exclusive because I was afraid things would go back to the way they were. To be honest, I thought that if he thought I was on the market he’d work even harder. It only pushed him away.

When I finally told him I still loved him in December, he kept asking “so what now? what’s our next step” and I told him I was afraid in telling him I loved him everything would change. He took that as I still didn’t want to be exclusive, meanwhile in my mind (because I hadn’t been seeing anyone anyways) I meant it as we need to continue taking it slow but I also said I wouldn’t tell him I loved him if I didn’t see us being in a relationship again. I think that went through one ear and out the other because after that his wall went right back up. This is all December.

We spent New Year’s together but we had a really stupid fight. That was his last straw. He blocked me afterwards and didn’t speak to me for a month despite my pleading with him, asking him to just speak to me even if it was to end it. During this month, he still had my things in his apartment, and wouldn’t reach out even to just end it or say he didn’t love me anymore (When I finally confronted him about this, asking why he didn’t just end it or give me my things he just kept saying he didn’t know, he didn’t want to be pulled into the cycle again)

He met with me one month ago, finally ending it. Telling me there was a difference between loving someone and caring about them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. I told him I didn’t mean anything I had said, that I had always loved him. He said he had too. We both admitted we missed each other in the time we didn’t speak and that we would miss each other. He admitted that it was never a lack of love but very poor communication that led us to this. He said We both said things we didn’t mean out of fear. He cried and said it was a shame, said he’d unblock me and that we could be friends and “hangout one day”. We even had moments when it was like we were ourselves again. I asked if we could never make it work, and he said “I don’t know, not now”. He wished me well and gave me my things (although he still to this day has my shoes)

Two weeks later it was his birthday, I wished him well and that was it. He thanked me. (Since then, I tried implementing NC). On social media though, he thanked a girl for making his day special with a pic of a cupcake in an apartment I knew was not his but the wallet I bought him for his college graduation was in the background. Two weeks after that, it was “facebook official” via her page that they are in a relationship.(one week ago). There is a picture of them on instagram but they aren’t even touching. To be honest it looks awkward. Apparently they have been “talking/dating” since January. He also told my friend that he feels “like a whole new person”.

I don’t know what my next move should be. To move on, to hold out hope. I wonder if she is a rebound? But he takes relationships so seriously that it’s hard to believe. He’s always been very emotional and in tune with his feelings. But because he’s so emotional I can’t help but think that he didn’t give himself time to move on at all. All of this behavior is not like him. His girlfriend before me cheated on him after a four year relationship and he didn’t ask me out for five months and then didn’t get into a relationship with me until 9 months after his previous split. I don’t know what to believe anymore. And to be honest, I’m freaking out because I still love him. Please help.
Marita

March 9, 2018 at 5:05 pm

Wow this definitely gave me some hope! And I’ve been feeling pretty hopeless to be honest.

I’ve been very confused as to whether I should continue NC or try the “being there route”, PLEASE ADVISE! 🙂

My ex and I were involved for 3 years and were very serious about a future together. (to the point that I had a diamond promise ring that he wanted me to wear on my ring finger every day) Also, at 30 years old, he’s only had 3 relationships including myself (now 4) and also is only intimate if he’s in a relationship. I left him last September because we were fighting too much (I didn’t know it all stemmed from his insecurity about our relationship and his depression). We started talking again in October and immediately became involved. We were intimate, we said we loved each other, but I pushed him away by continuing to say let’s not be exclusive because I was afraid things would go back to the way they were. To be honest, I thought that if he thought I was on the market he’d work even harder. It only pushed him away.

When I finally told him I still loved him in December, he kept asking “so what now? what’s our next step” and I told him I was afraid in telling him I loved him everything would change. He took that as I still didn’t want to be exclusive, meanwhile in my mind (because I hadn’t been seeing anyone anyways) I meant it as we need to continue taking it slow but I also said I wouldn’t tell him I loved him if I didn’t see us being in a relationship again. I think that went through one ear and out the other because after that his wall went right back up. This is all December.

We spent New Year’s together but we had a really stupid fight. That was his last straw. He blocked me afterwards and didn’t speak to me for a month despite my pleading with him, asking him to just speak to me even if it was to end it. During this month, he still had my things in his apartment, and wouldn’t reach out even to just end it or say he didn’t love me anymore (When I finally confronted him about this, asking why he didn’t just end it or give me my things he just kept saying he didn’t know, he didn’t want to be pulled into the cycle again)

He met with me one month ago, finally ending it. Telling me there was a difference between loving someone and caring about them but wanting to remove yourself from the cycle. I told him I didn’t mean anything I had said, that I had always loved him. He said he had too. We both admitted we missed each other in the time we didn’t speak and that we would miss each other. He admitted that it was never a lack of love but very poor communication that led us to this. He said We both said things we didn’t mean out of fear. He cried and said it was a shame, said he’d unblock me and that we could be friends and “hangout one day”. We even had moments when it was like we were ourselves again. I asked if we could never make it work, and he said “I don’t know, not now”. He wished me well and gave me my things (although he still to this day has my shoes)

Two weeks later it was his birthday, I wished him well and that was it. He thanked me. (Since then, I tried implementing NC). On social media though, he thanked a girl for making his day special with a pic of a cupcake in an apartment I knew was not his but the wallet I bought him for his college graduation was in the background. Two weeks after that, it was “facebook official” via her page that they are in a relationship.(one week ago). There is a picture of them on instagram but they aren’t even touching. To be honest it looks awkward. Apparently they have been “talking/dating” since January. He also told my friend that he feels “like a whole new person”.

I don’t know what my next move should be. To move on, to hold out hope. I wonder if she is a rebound? But he takes relationships so seriously that it’s hard to believe. He’s always been very emotional and in tune with his feelings. But because he’s so emotional I can’t help but think that he didn’t give himself time to move on at all. All of this behavior is not like him. His girlfriend before me cheated on him after a four year relationship and he didn’t ask me out for five months and then didn’t get into a relationship with me until 9 months after his previous split. I don’t know what to believe anymore. And to be honest, I’m freaking out because I still love him. Please help.
Rebecca

March 9, 2018 at 11:50 am

My ex and I were in an off and on relationship that lasted 4 years. He broke up with me in December. He told me that he wasn’t happy anymore because we were having lots of fights. He also told me that he was extremely in love with me and that he was sure that I was the one but that maybe a time apart will help us find happiness on our own and then we will be able to be happy together again. After the breakup we keep in contact till January. In the last conversation we had he told me that he couldn’t stop thinking about me, that he was sure that someday he was going to marry me but also that he was actually happy with his choice even thought he missed me. I was feeling so devastated at this point of the conversation that I told him that it is for the best that we stop speaking, that I could’n be waiting for him. His respond was “Ok.. I love you so much. Take care.”. Three weeks after that was my birthday. I was feeling so sad because in that week I found out that he was sleeping around with a few other women. So my birthday arrived and I call him (yeah I know. I should not had done that..) but he didn’t even respond. He texted me and ask “did you call me?” and I call him again and he didn’t respond. He actually didn’t even said happy birthday or anything. I was sooooo mad that I texted him saying that he is not a good person and a bunch a of mean stuff. He didn’t respond. Yesterday I saw him for the first time after that conversation but he ignored me completely. He didn’t even said Hi to me. I don’t know if another woman is in the picture, but what I do know is that he is treating me like a stranger and that he is showing to everyone and to me that he has move on.. that I’m not important anymore. I don’t even know what to think anymore..

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