He Broke Up With Me And Said "He Needs Time"

93 thoughts on “He Broke Up With Me And Told Me He Needs Time”

Dinkysaurus Rex

December 26, 2017 at 8:11 pm

I’m in a situation where my ex-partner has cited some of these as the reasons for our break up (we broke up Nov 2017). We were together 6 years and both very much in love, he even stated it was only the last month of the relationship where everything seemed to get on top of him. Everyone (my family and his family and friends) agree that he seems to have blown a fuse. It’s not the first time I have seen this situation as his sister broke up with her girlfriend 6 years ago for the exact same reasons and they were back together within 6 months and later married!He is the love of my life and he saw me in his life for the rest of his life until the last month of the relationship. He also has a lot of personal stress such as work and finances. He has also said that there is nothing specific that does not make me his ideal woman, literally nothing worth mentioning that puts him off. It sounds like its all on him. He hasn’t removed me or any of our images from Social Media, he wants me in his life (he has stated this). In the early part of this year, he was starting to open up about his love feelings…he was being soppier (soppiness is not easy for him) and he seemed to be, I guess mentally allowing what he felt to flow. The break up was out of the blue and not only shook me but everyone around me, like an earthquake.

All I want is him.
Even though he’s broken up with me I don’t feel like our relationship is truly done and I have not begged or pleaded for him to come back. However, he is aware this is what I would like

I just wondered if exes who state these reasons are more likely to come back?
Do you think I have a chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 1:33 am

Hi Dinkysaurus Rex
Yeah, there’s a chance..

M

November 29, 2017 at 2:32 am

My bf broke up with me a week ago (2 days before thanksgiving). Our relationship was great until the last month where we argued mostly about how he doesn’t have much time to spend with me. He works full time and bartends almost full time. He says he loves me and cares very much about me but unable to make me happy. I begged that we work things out but he said that timing isn’t right. I’ve started NC 3 days ago. He texted me twice on two different days to make sure I’m doing okay. So far no other contact. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2017 at 2:53 pm

Hi,

Check this one:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

Ajay

November 18, 2017 at 3:35 pm

Hey a guy and I were seeing each other for 4 months. When we met he had just came out of a long distant 3 year relationship. Everything was fine and things were moving a bit fast but he told me he hadn’t fallen for someone as fast as he did with me. He did however say he wasn’t ready to date again but he would date me when he feels ready. Two weeks ago he was attacked and not long after that he told me he we need to just be friends because life is short and he hasn’t achieved all the things he wanted to so he needs to do things for himself and get where he needs to in life. We officially called it quits yesterday but when I said “I’m letting you go” he told me he still wants me to be the person he talks to and can relax with. We agreed to be friends but I’m not sure what to do. I haven’t contacted him again. He told me he doesn’t want me to wait around for him but he still wants me to be around and still wants to see me. Help please.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 20, 2017 at 5:33 am

Hi Ajay,

Check this one:
The Friend Zone: What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends

Evan

November 14, 2017 at 8:50 pm

Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 7 months, and things were so good and he tried so hard in the beginning of the relationship, and we had a few differences after a few months, then the last two-ish months he has been being a bit more distant and his heart really has not been in it. So about a month ago he said he wanted space and he kept saying that he didn’t know if he wanted this and that he needs space. I was hurting so I bothered him and I was annoyed so I pestered him… but like three days later he FaceTimed me and he told me he realized that he really did want this and that he loves me so much and that he’s so happy to be with me. We had an amazing three weeks after that, no fights or anything. Until he started being distant because of stress again. I confronted him about it and was trying to reassure him that I was here for him through anything and he kept brushing me off, until we started another argument. The next few days things were tense and then he broke up with me because he kept saying that his heart wasn’t in this anymore but he still loves me. And then he kept saying that he will consider his desicison but he doesn’t think he wants to have a relationship because we are so young. He kept saying that a relationship may hold him back in his dreams in life, and that the feelings for me have been forced lately and that if his heart is not in this right now, he doesn’t want it anymore. We have done so much together and experienced so much together, and we know each other so well. Will he come around? He’s come to the realization just a few weeks before, but he got stressed again and his life started getting flipped around. Help?

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 18, 2017 at 1:47 am

HI Evan,

how old are you both? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

Emily

October 30, 2017 at 10:15 am

Hi,

My ex broke up with me almost 2 weeks ago. We’ve had conversations since and slept together a couple of days ago. I want him back but he says he doesn’t short-term and needs time. He still loves me and I love him but I don’t know what to do.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

Hi Emily,

Check this one:
Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?

Tracy

October 29, 2017 at 12:27 pm

I am wondering if you can help me. My boyfriend (30) of 18 months broke up with me (28) 3 weeks ago today over a silly argument. He said he wanted time on his own. We are a couple who get on like a house on fire and we have mutual physical attraction. We text all the time and spend a lot of time together. I think this is where we have went wrong: spending too much time together. We hadn’t been doing things with friends or date nights or doing things on our own. I think this is due to me staying at his place all the time and more or less being too needy. I obviously don’t mean to be like that but he is just amazing to be around. I don’t get to spend time with my friends really as most are married with children and don’t do much. Hence me wanting to spend time with him a lot. Also I want to mention his previous relationship of 10 years was not good to which he had a 9 year old son. He said he wanted to be friends, I explained that if his heart was in it and his head wasn’t maybe it’s best for him to take time to himself and I will work on myself even though it is killing me 🙁 He doesn’t have a lot of money and I treat him all the time, he says for me to stop it but I can’t help it sometimes because if I see something I get if for him because he’s on my mind. I never want to make him feel that what he does isn’t good enough for me as I told him I don’t need gifts, money etc. He did say never say never about us getting back together as who knows what the future holds. I dont know if he is saying that to make me feel better. I have tried doing no contact rule but he messages me everyday and can be very flirty. I told him to not ask me for sex because he can’t have his cake and eat it too. He still has me on his social media as his girlfriend and photos of us in his apartment, his screensaver on his phone and on his keys. We have a concert tomorrow which we are both still going to. Is it best I initiate NC after then? I really want this guy back in my life he makes me really happy. My problem was making my life all about him. He is someone who can get moody at times and in being up and down. He never talks about his feelings and when you try to he just wants to drop the conversation. I sometimes talked about heavy talk in terms of the future before and don’t know if that has spooked him off.. I really want us to get back together. He is an amazing person who I love dearly. Your advice would be grately appreciated, thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 31, 2017 at 9:17 pm

Hi Tracy,

Are you in the nc rule now?

Completely Confused

October 19, 2017 at 11:09 am

My bf of one year broke up with me last night because he says he’s just not happy. We weren’t fighting or anything. I just asked why he hasn’t been texting as much – if everything was ok.
The thing is, we just spent a fabulous weekend together, and broke up during a nice evening together. We have fun, really enjoy each other’s company, and he says I’m wonderful, beautiful, the most kind and that he’s never loved or been loved any better in any way. We aren’t pushing the other for anything more, and he says I’m his best friend, and he does love me. We are both in our mid-40’s, well-educated, stable, and have had enough difficult times to not play games. I just don’t understand how he can end such a great relationship. I’ve asked if he is throwing “us” away when he really should be fixing whatever it is that’s really causing the problems.
He says he genuinely wants to be friends, if I’m able, and can’t imagine not having me in his life at all. But that he needs to do this. Of course, I love him and think he’s making a mistake.
What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 23, 2017 at 11:56 am

Hi,

Don’t agree to be friends and then start at least 30 days nc..

Sofie

October 18, 2017 at 3:52 pm

I need all the help I can get!

My boyfriend and I dated for almost a year and it was a pretty toxic relationship. He broke up with me and I ended up doing the no contact rule and ultimately we got back together 3 months later.

Almost another year later, and in a much better, stable relationship, he tells me he needs time for himself because we are both still young (I am 25, and he is turning 30), he is still living at home, and he needs to focus on his business taking off. I felt like I was hit by a train because it honestly came out of nowhere! I understand he feels stuck and I feel like I may have pressured him with his business and our future, but I wish he would allow me to support him on the way.

I started the No Contact rule 3 days after we broke up. I didn’t beg him afterwards, but did send him an encouraging text telling him to take time working on himself and that I understood. I then saw him out less than a week after we broke up.

Ultimately, my questions are as follows:
Do I re-start the No Contact rule since I saw him out?
Is it even worth me reaching out to him after the 30 days since he needs time to figure himself out?
Is this an excuse to breaking up?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 22, 2017 at 6:47 pm

HI Sofie,

what do you mean that you saw him out? As in you just saw him alone outside and didn’t approach or you went out with him to talk? I’m not sure if it’s an excuse, but most of the time it is, but this time, I think you should do at least 45 days, and yes initiate contact if you want to try to get him back.

jen

July 31, 2017 at 5:22 pm

this is a great article! ive followed all of the advise on the website and through podcasts and i went out with my ex last week. last night he got really jealous (again) and really angry so i used it to my advantage and finally got him to open up and be honest about how he feels. hes said he loves me alot and he even went with someone else to try and feel what he felt with me but got nowhere near. we both lost sight of our own needs and both got into a stressy mess trying to juggle everything in our lives which caused the breakup. hes said hes scared about how much he feels for me and how much i feel for him because of a bad past relationship and hes happy doing “me” stuff atm which i am too ive got really organised and looking after myself alot better even started working out. so this article helped to understand what he was saying aswell. now its just a wait and see what happens game. you’re all fab! thankyou
Lisa

June 9, 2017 at 6:20 am

Hi! My ex and I are together for less than a month. He broke up with me 4 days ago and told me that it’s better for us to stay friends. That we don’t need complications in our lives. For the times we were together, i have been a brat and my mood swings and our unreasonable/petty quarrels turned him off and now he sees me as a complication in his used to simple and carefree life. At first i just agreed. But after 2 days, we talked and i told him that i can’t accept us being just friends and that i can do better and that he was being unfair because when i am doubting him i gave him a chance regardless. But he said that he is in that point where he really thinks that its better for us to just stay as friends. I tried to pushed it. But he didn’t agreed. He said it’s more unfair if he stays with me when he already doubts that we can work things out. Then he said that we will talk again when he comes back. Which is 4 days from today. I don’t know what to do for him to change his mind. I really want him back. At first, i wasn’t really all in in the relationship. But now i really want another chance to make amendsand make this work. And this time i’ll work with him. Do you think i should talk to him after 4days given the nc rule? He planned that out. I’m scared that if i won’t show up, he would think that i am being petty and unreasonable again. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 13, 2017 at 5:19 pm

Have you talked?

Sam

May 18, 2017 at 8:39 pm

My situation is unique . I’m a Canadian living and working England. I’ve been here for almost two years and my visit is about to run out and is not allowed to be renewed. I applied for my Italian citizenship as well as to law programs in England for this upcoming fall . I have recently wanted a change in my profession and decided to finally take the leap. It is important to note I have gotten accepted to my programs and my ex is aware of this.

My ex broke up with me officially a few days ago . I get down sometimes as living here can get lonely . We recently went on a camping trip with his friends . The weather was terrible but I tried my best to get to know them all . I can be shy but I made an effort and truly got to know them . My ex put it in his head I had a terrible time , not being best friends with his friends is a problem for him . Fast forward a week he comes over saying he isn’t here to end it and he wants things to work . Next thing I know he’s dumping me . Against my best judgement I start begging him trying to convince him he’s making a mistake . The whole time he’s crying saying he’s crazy about me but it’s just not working . He feels like I’m here for him and not for me and he can’t handle the pressure . He is scared one day I’ll resent him . I constantly assure him that’s not true . He agreed to give it a chance , the next day he came over watched a movie, we were intimate with each other and I thought things would be better . Next thing I know the next week he is avoiding me . Yet he is still messaging me . Sometimes cold , other times sweet and jokingly like how we use to be . It’s important to mention a few days before camping we went to his family wedding where we had a great time and he told me he wants to marry me, getting very emotional while saying this.

He came over at the end of the “trying to work on it ” week and brought his things to stay over. He even cooked me dinner. I simply stated to him that he needed to see me for things to work and I wanted them too. From that he decided to end it. He then proceeded to cry and tell me its hard but it is better for me. That he needed to figure things out. Through text he told me he is not in the right mind space to be with anyone right now. He needs time. He also said he FELL OUT FO LOVE and that its not me its him. ” if he could paint the perfect girl from him it would be me and that I am amazing”. He said it is all him, it is all in his head and it is something HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. That time may change things but he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to keep me hanging. He said that he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. And that if and when he figures this out and sees things differently I would be the first person he would contact.

I just do not understand. It is all over the place. How could he tell me he wants to marry me and next week say he is out of love ? Oh apparently he has been for two months. It is important to note he got really depressed around them which is polar opposite of him, he is always care free. He said he couldn’t take the pressure of me being here for him , he knows how much I miss and love my family.

I know I want him back. I know I want him as my forever. I am scared he will not contact me. If he doesn’t how am I even suppose to implement the no contact rule ? Isn’t the whole point to ignore him? He is also very stubborn and I am afraid he’ll decide it is easier to move on then to try and make things work.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2017 at 10:21 pm

check this links:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Sam

May 18, 2017 at 4:26 pm

My situation is unique . I’m a Canadian living and working England. I’ve been here for almost two years and my visit is about to run out and is not allowed to be renewed. I applied for my Italian citizenship as well as to law programs in England for this upcoming fall . I have recently wanted a change in my profession and decided to finally take the leap. It is important to note I have gotten accepted to my programs and my ex is aware of this.

My ex broke up with me officially a few days ago . I get down sometimes as living here can get lonely . We recently went on a camping trip with his friends . The weather was terrible but I tried my best to get to know them all . I can be shy but I made an effort and truly got to know them . My ex put it in his head I had a terrible time , not being best friends with his friends is a problem for him . Fast forward a week he comes over saying he isn’t here to end it and he wants things to work . Next thing I know he’s dumping me . Against my best judgement I start begging him trying to convince him he’s making a mistake . The whole time he’s crying saying he’s crazy about me but it’s just not working . He feels like I’m here for him and not for me and he can’t handle the pressure . He is scared one day I’ll resent him . I constantly assure him that’s not true . He agreed to give it a chance , the next day he came over watched a movie, we were intimate with each other and I thought things would be better . Next thing I know the next week he is avoiding me . Yet he is still messaging me . Sometimes cold , other times sweet and jokingly like how we use to be . It’s important to mention a few days before camping we went to his family wedding where we had a great time and he told me he wants to marry me, getting very emotional while saying this.

He came over at the end of the “trying to work on it ” week and brought his things to stay over. He even cooked me dinner. I simply stated to him that he needed to see me for things to work and I wanted them too. From that he decided to end it. He then proceeded to cry and tell me its hard but it is better for me. That he needed to figure things out. Through text he told me he is not in the right mind space to be with anyone right now. He needs time. He also said he FELL OUT FO LOVE and that its not me its him. ” if he could paint the perfect girl from him it would be me and that I am amazing”. He said it is all him, it is all in his head and it is something HE NEEDS TIME TO FIGURE IT OUT. That time may change things but he doesn’t know and doesn’t want to keep me hanging. He said that he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. And that if and when he figures this out and sees things differently I would be the first person he would contact.

I just do not understand. It is all over the place. How could he tell me he wants to marry me and next week say he is out of love ? Oh apparently he has been for two months. It is important to note he got really depressed around them which is polar opposite of him, he is always care free. He said he couldn’t take the pressure of me being here for him , he knows how much I miss and love my family.

I know I want him back. I know I want him as my forever. I am scared he will not contact me. If he doesn’t how am I even suppose to implement the no contact rule ? Isn’t the whole point to ignore him? He is also very stubborn and I am afraid he’ll decide it is easier to move on then to try and make things work.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 19, 2017 at 10:01 pm

check this links:
The Ungettable Girl
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Rebecca

May 12, 2017 at 10:18 pm

WHOA. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Like Ru Paul always says, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an Amen?” I think that while we, as ladies, are working to improve ourselves, we forget that maybe sometimes guys may be struggling with this as well! Sure, it kind of sucks to split in this way, but the best thing to do is keep moving forward. Great read!
Rachel

May 7, 2017 at 11:59 pm

Hi! My boyfriend and I broke up on May 3rd through text ( harsh I know) because he said he hates it when we fight (which was only once since we got back together from our previous downfall in October) I stop talking. I decided to approach him calmly and asked if we could have a respectful and calm discussion about It in person so he agreed. I stopped talking to him until that day where he showed up right on time. The whole time he cried and told me he loves me and that it’s both our faults and that he just needs some time to be alone and get his life together. He said he just isn’t feeling this relationship anymore. Before he’d said this I spoke about how I’d taken what he’d said into consideration and that I was and will be working on that if he’d be willing to give me the chance, but If not I’d leave him alone. He said he didn’t want me to leave him alone and he still wanted to be friends, however I told him I don’t know if I can do that because I want him as a boyfriend considering we’ve dated for 3 years and I invested my everything into him. He said he’d respect that and of course I broke down crying because it was just so sudden. Like it was really over. He hugged me and kissed me several times on the head and held my hands and told me he still cares about me so much but he has to do this for himself right now and that it was killing him to do this. I find whenever his life gets too stressful he tends to push people away. He said he’d reconsider getting back with me but not because he wanted to at the present moment but because he didn’t want to see me in pain. I told him he had no obligation to stay with me because he didn’t want me sad. Eventually we agreed mutually to break up and it was the calmest break up we’ve had out of the 3 ( the first time was something foolish and we both worked on it and overcame It and same with the second time and we haven’t had that issue since). The last thing that happened was I got out of the car and told him I had a friend to meet and he said “Rachel…please let me hug you one last time” so I did and he drug it out for a very long time so eventually I had to let go because I know it was just hurting the both of us. When I got out of the car he started crying like I could hear him as I was walking away and it killed me so badly. The last thing that happened was I told him I missed him and he said he missed me too and even though I wanted to bombard him with texts, I stopped contact. It’s technically been 2 and a half days and I’ve accepted that no contact may not get him back, however I’m using it as more of a method to heal myself and evaluate everything and try to fix my communication skills whether it be for him IF HE comes back (which he usually does though I don’t have high hopes) or someone in the future. However, last time I initiated no contact (it worked) he said it actually pushed him away ( he didn’t know he just thought I was ignoring him to be rude) and if I hadn’t have broke It within the 16 days he probably would’ve just let me go. Would it be okay if I just don’t initiate contact first but keep the conversations brief and friendly If he were to contact me? Because I do want him back since this break up was clearly something neither of us truly wanted however I’m not going to be the one who pushes it on him. Both parties need to be willing but I don’t want to push him away. Sorry if this was long I’m just trying to give you the best insight.

EBR Team Member: Amor

May 11, 2017 at 1:43 pm

hi Rachel,

you’re and off plus it’s so obvious he wants to friendzone you.. so it would really be better to do at least 30 days

Fredericko

May 4, 2017 at 3:59 am

Awesome article Ashley! Very insightful

EBR Team Member: Ashley

May 4, 2017 at 4:23 am

Thanks, Fred! You know I believe in our ladies more than anything. They have more potential than they will ever know. Soon enough their exes will realize it too.

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93 thoughts on “He Broke Up With Me And Told Me He Needs Time”