He Says He Loves Me And I'm The One But Still Breaks Up With Me

107 thoughts on “He Says “I Love You, You’re The One” But Still Breaks Up With Me”

Shannon

March 15, 2019 at 2:52 am

Thanks, I am doing the NC now and plan for 30 days! I have all of your products and just bought the coaching too. With this type of situation, should I be implementing jealousy at all? By the way, together 2 years and live together – I’m on the lease so eventually we will need to speak again. I’m staying at my parents once I get back in town so what if he contacts me like “when are you getting all your stuff” before NC is up, do I respond? If so, say what?

Obviously trying to make this a break not a permanent breakup so I would hate to go move all my furniture out, etc….

Chris Seiter

March 15, 2019 at 4:03 pm

Hi Shannon…so NC can definitely be a winning strategy for you in many ways….healing/recovery as well as helping your ex come to appreciate your value more. Jealousy can be a tricky thing, so don’t rush into that tactic unless its a good fit for the situation. Anna, your coach, will be a great resource in helping you through the details of implementation if questions like that arise.

Shannon

March 14, 2019 at 5:35 am

Hi Chris! Here’s my story:

My ex never got the chance to date around / explore when he was younger and he’s afraid he will regret it forever if he doesn’t. He was in a really restrictive / religious culture where even looking at a woman was a sin, and then he was married, and then after his divorce got with me too quickly – before he had a chance to party and figure out where he stands in the dating market.

He’s fixated on getting this out of the way before it’s too late. Thinking about it every day. Losing sleep over it. I tried offering an open relationship but he doesn’t believe I could be ok with that – and he can’t risk the intense guilt he would feel at hurting me. He’s already doing things like flirting with other women and stuff, that he knows are inappropriate and upsetting me. He tried ending things in Dec but I convinced him to give it more time. But he can’t shake this itch.

However he says he can see a future with me and potentially kids. He says he loves me and losing me would be a huge cost. I think he’s partly staying out of fear that he is making the wrong decision but also because he doesn’t want to hurt me. He said he has one foot out the door. So I broke up with him yesterday and told him he’s right, i get it, i love him but to do what he needs to do. I didn’t say the words break up I just said I’m going away for a little while. I am intending it to be like a break. He said he loves me too and was tearing up when I packed my bag and left.

What do I do? How much NC? What are my chances? Any other help?

Chris Seiter

March 15, 2019 at 1:22 am

Hi Shannon! So perhaps take 21-30 days to do the things I discuss in my EBR Pro Program. It certainly will optimize your chances.

Muly

March 10, 2019 at 11:45 am

Hallo,
My name is muly, so here’s my break up story:

My bf and were in a 6 months relationship. One morning he just stopped contacting me out of the blue and after a week we managed to talk and he said he needed time to solve some personal issues then we took a break. But I really didn’t accept the break, I started calling every hour , texting, begging not to distance himself with me, crying… I tried everything. Then I pushed him even further to the point of a breakup and tell me he never loved. I did a NC for 3 weeks and started begging again and it didn’t help. Now I’m in another NC today marks 30days already and i want to go till 51 days. Will it help? And why do u think he told me he never loved me ?

Thank u for your help

Chris Seiter

March 10, 2019 at 9:30 pm

Hi Mully….so 45-50 days may be the right length here. Be sure though you are getting the fullest from your NC efforts. If you have not done so already, pick up my massive 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it will help you throughout this whole post breakup period.

Tiffany Goss

January 15, 2019 at 4:13 pm

I also forgot to mention that it took him a year before he wanted to actually try with me because he wanted to sleep around then he got into a relationship with someone eise for two months. Recently as he told me he wants to be friends, he said he’d text he’s “busy” if he’s with another girl. It’s disgusting and that’s not love. At this point I’m weaning myself off of him and it’s worked so far, but it’s only been a day. I’d just like to hear from a guy’s perspective to understand the reality of what’s really going on here.

Chris Seiter

January 15, 2019 at 11:11 pm

Hi Tiffany!

You are on the right track. By implementing No Contact, you allow yourself time to focus on your own recovery and healing and also benefit from some of the other elements of NC. Time is the ultimate truth machine and what he really wants and what you really want will become in clearer focus in the future.

Tiffany Goss

January 14, 2019 at 11:45 pm

Hi Chris, my name is Tiffany! I desperately need your advice on my recent breakup. My on and off ex of 16 months, (we were in a relationship for four months out of that duration) broke up with me a month and a half ago. He ended it because he claims I was too negative and too emotionally dependent on him. I have always struggled with issues of self-esteem and having that self-love which I am still trying to figure out. My diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder certainly has not helped things, but I have come a very long way in these past seven months. My ex says that he’s attached to me, that I’m the first girl he’s loved in three years and can’t seem to let go of me which I truly do believe him, but he says now is not our time, that I’ve emotionally drained him. He asked me to move out twice in the four months we were together. Needless to say I’ve been obsessing, no idea what to do and I’m exhausted. My life is currently in limbo after just graduating and currently looking for a job, I know one of the issues is that I have too much time on my hands. I’m very confused on what I should do. He says when I’m “healthy” and in a better place on my own and when he is “ready” we could try again, but for now he wants to remain friends and hangout occasionally because he can’t seem to let go. I’ve acted so desperately to the point where it’s pathetic and he believes nothing I say, he believes I’ll never actually quit him. He is the first guy I’ve loved and it’s been the most difficult thing I’ve experienced. I’m very confused on what to do. Help!
Mariyum

December 6, 2018 at 4:56 pm

Hi cris..
my bf just brokeup with me 1 month ago…without giving me any reason for the breakup…we were dating each other for about 6 months…he used to be really loving and caring…he dumped me after 4months of our rel…when i decided to breakup with him…he didnt let me..he promised he wont do this again…then right after 2 months…we broke up..and now its been a month…in the starting i begged and pleaded and even cried on phone…he said please dont cry i cant hear u crying…blah blah….after that i decided to nc…and a week after nc he unblocked me…and then after day 15 of my no contact he chnged his ig..profile pic to my favt one…idont know what to do next..please help me…i just want him back

Chris Seiter

December 6, 2018 at 11:27 pm

Hi Mariyum!

It seems you could use an ex recovery plan! Make sure you stick to your NC period and if you have not picked up my epic long Companion Guide, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” then go check it out!

Lisa

December 4, 2018 at 9:34 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 3.5 plus years broke up with me recently. We had been talking about moving our relationship to the next level this year and getting engaged, we are both in our late 40s – he’s divorced and I’d never married. It’s been 2 months- I’ve been in NC the entire time. I even packed his stuff from my house and left it on my porch for him to pick up. He has not contacted me at all and stopped following me on IG a few weeks ago. We had an argument that led to the breakup – he projected blame and then blurred out that he didn’t want to get married , but meanwhile had been leading me to believe he did.

I never said “my piece” so to speak in that it ended so abruptly. His bday and thanksgiving passed and I never wished him anything. I’m torn if I should reach out now in a peaceful way or not- I love him but have my pride and am still angry for how he handled it- he avoids conflict at all costs. I feel he owes me an apology if nothing else. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Chris Seiter

December 5, 2018 at 12:20 am

Hi Lisa! In my Program.. it does call out for you to reach out to him at the end of the NC period. Go pick my guide, “The No Contact Rule Book” or my Flagship core ebook (Pro) so you are up to speed!

aish

November 13, 2018 at 10:14 am

hi, my we were in a long distance relationship since 3 yrears, he works at another city but his parents are here so we used to meet once a month.. last year he brokeup for 6 moths and came back on valentines and we got engaged in july, he again brokeup after some arguments that week in october this time it was a decision by his parents including him.. he thinks we are not compatible that leads to the fight each time.. i love him so much and cant think of moving on.. i am blocked everywhere.. i dont know what to do after a month of no contact..help!!!
Ishita

October 31, 2018 at 10:00 am

My bf broke up with me 3months ago as he said he feels for another girl… Bt the girl(bestie) was already cheating him with his male bestie…. He is in college n they are his classmates.. nw they broke up to naintain trio frnship..he doesnt have other frnz over there, he is alone n he is fighting hard with his situation…there is no one to care and love him….Whenever i apply nc he tries to break it by various means…our families are also included in this relation… He says he still loves me, i m perfect for him n no one could take my place… Bt he cant get into relationship right nw..he is scared of thought of hurting me again…he admitted that may b he is not a right person n he wants to improve but he wants my support for 2yrs until he finishes his college life then we will think over having relationship…
Bt i cant really be in frnz zone it hurts me…

Chris Seiter

November 1, 2018 at 3:10 am

Hi Ishita!

I think you need to invest some time and either pick up one of my ex recovery eBooks or spend time reading some of my articles or watching my videos as it will help you in many ways!

Andrew

August 13, 2018 at 10:26 pm

Hi Chris

Does this also apply if a women breaks up with you in this way?

Also If I was the stable person before we started dating and when I started dating her I became more wild and mysterious would that mean she is not able to commit? Or does this mean she was attracted to my stability? Because we talked after we broke up and she said that she wasn’t ready to have a boyfriend when we broke up, but then a couple of days after she said it was also because I needed to get my life back together.

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 3:11 pm

Same principles, Andrew. Time along with a few right tactics can really help bring people back together again.

nicola

August 12, 2018 at 4:47 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve read so many of your posts, I have your book and on your facebook group. Got this podcast in my emails and realised I started listening but never finished. I have to say it sounds like you’ve hit the nail on the head with my ex. I still don’t know, 6 weeks down the line, why he broke up with me and he hasn’t said anything to family and friends about it. Everything seemed to be well with us and then suddenly he broke up with me. Listening to this is sounds like he’s been scared of going further with commitment with him only being 23 he thought at 26 I was ready to settle down!
Houses have been mentioned on the odd occasion, his family and friends have joked about when we’re having kids! He all of a sudden isn’t interested in a relationship despite living with me for 2 years…

We’ve had arguments but nothing serious, it was a hard few months with him being out of permanent work and only having a few odd jobs and I’m thinking maybe he got worried about financial things and thinking he can’t give me what he thinks I want. He refused to talk things through with me and I wonder if it’s because he doesn’t know why he’s broke up with me or that he’s scared to admit that he just couldn’t give me what he thought I wanted. He’s worked away for pretty much the full 6 weeks since we’ve broken up, only being home for 6 days inbetween jobs. Is there a possibility that he’s trying to build up his finance and get more stable?

I’m 2 weeks into no contact, he’s still checking out my social media and I’m ignoring anything he puts up. His sister has mentioned it’s bothering him that I’m not speaking to him. His mam has also mentioned to my mam just yesterday that when he was at home he didn’t seem happy.

I know some things that bothered him were that he thought I wanted him around me 24/7, which is ridiculous because I have a full time job and of course, I like my own space too! I’ve tried to explain this to him prior to the break up when we last argued but he wouldn’t listen and just stormed out.

Any thoughts on my situation would be great!

Chris Seiter

August 17, 2018 at 3:26 pm

WEll….I think you are on the right track with how you are implementing you NC. Continue to do thing in social media to reinforce your value. At this stage, you might say subtle things that would suggest you value all of your relationships because you learn something special about yourself or things that might give him a little hope you think highly of him, without coming out and saying it directly. Think of it as leaving breadcrumbs for him to pick up on and savor.

Kris

May 12, 2018 at 8:47 pm

My ex blindsided me with a breakup. One day moving in together and Im the best thing ever to happen tl them and less tham 24 hrs later he never had feelings for me in 11 months and saying he loved me was a lie.
However it was a fun and effortless relationship and I’m his best friend. He keeps texting me at least once a week during NC but I am not taking them as positive text messages… week 1: do you have my motorcycle keys? Which i felt I had to respond (a day later) and I had to get him the keys. Week 2: how do I know who’s kayak is who’s? I was on the fence about responding or not but about a day later I did and kept it short factual and light. Week 3: found out he already has a new girl around where we stayed together. I decided I need to get my more expensive property back (golf cart and etc). He agreed and I went when he wasn’t home to get my things. He then text me at 6 am the next day about the items and etc. Now I received the new text of : are you moving here? It is none of his business or concern what I am doing and i want to ask him respectfully to give me space and time. I want to get through NC…..What do I do?

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2018 at 11:01 pm

Hi Kris….its seems to me his is trying to get a gauge on your feelings and reaction. Maybe he is trying to figure out what he wants still and wants keep a connection. I would suggest you text him that you have dedicated yourself to healing and recovery and will be off of communications (just keep it vague like that) for some time as you use this space to plot out your life. You should also take a look at a book I wrote called, Ex Recovery Pro. In it I offer a blueprint on all the things you should consider and do. You can learn more about it in my website’s Menu Section under “Products”. It may help you with the path you should take. You will have given him a classy “heads up” as, leaving some intrigue. Then use my teaching tactics to build value during this no contact period, such the he can’t help but notice, working to your advantage in the long run.
Kris

May 13, 2018 at 3:38 pm

Well I tried your suggestion after he called this morning which was met by a hateful text of me being difficult and not responding quickly enough. I returned his call calmly and said he could come get his things on a certain day. I then explained that I respected his decision to end the relationship but the moment he made that choice my focus shifted from us to me as it should be. I said I was moving on. He then said he would let me know if he would come get his stuff tomorrow or not.
Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 3:57 pm

It seems he still has some unresolved feelings, but by remaining calm and not taking his bait to be hateful to him, you probably have de-fanged him to some extent. Now that he knows what you are doing and why, just maybe he will be more accepting and likewise take a long look at himself, working to improve some of his shortcomings.

sara

April 28, 2018 at 9:24 pm

my ex of two years broke up with me 9 months ago, and after the break up we rarely talked. in that time we’ve made small talk twice. the last time i saw him/ talked to him was 5 months ago. so yesterday, i ran into him at a bar, and we started hanging out and flirting etc. then he said things like “i miss you….you’re the one…” and started using our nicknames when we were dating. i stayed strong and was being playful all night (i didn’t feed his ego by saying things like i miss you too), but im still confused. he’s obviously confused too..he said he would want to be together but he’s scared (im assuming he’s afraid that we’ll break up again, or be in a rollercoaster relationship again). this happened last night sooo we haven’t talked yet.
im just unsure where to proceed.
i’ve changed quite a bit after the break up. it took me a long to build my confidence and independence, so i’m scared that if i let him back in, all my work will be a waste. however, because i’ve changed, i also think we may work this time around.
what should i say to him when we talk? how do i make him feel less scared?

Chris Seiter

April 28, 2018 at 11:29 pm

Hi Sara…I think it best to keep things really light without any serious relationship talk. Just focus on having fun and whatever his concerns are will hopefully will evaporate. Tell him you just want to go really slow. This is best for your sake as well as the sake of the relationship if it should regain traction.

M

February 27, 2018 at 6:06 pm

Hi Amor! In response to your reply. I’ve already gone through the how to get an ex to commit when he doesn’t want to and it wasn’t for my situation. He is going to be long distance and he is serious about someone else all of a sudden. He blocked me off of whatsapp and I’m waiting for the social medias, he has blocked all my friends. I am not sure why? Maybe because he doesn’t want any recollection of me. And he is ready to commit to her after all he makes it crystal clear everywhere that this will be their year? So what do I do? It’s not about getting him to commit yet because he is as they say head over heals for a new girl. I’m not sure it is a rebound either because he is moving after her. I tried talking to him but he didn’t want anything to do with me whatsoever.

Maybe I wasn’t good enough because he posted saying she is the best girlfriend he has ever had and he can’t go without her.

I’ve tried to calm down and not think about it but it is busy drowning out every other thought in my head.

He has been doing long distance for her since Dec and they have been seeing each other since October.. It can’t be a rebound relationship.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2018 at 3:49 pm

Do at least 45 days nc. Being active in social media is still the best you can do because he will get curious, and that’s what he will check whether through a new account or a friend’s but don’t social media stalk him.. And don’t sleep with him again..
M.

April 12, 2018 at 12:21 pm

I already replied here, I just want to also say, he started a whole new life and new job. And I hate that I’m not able to ask how he is doing. It eats me alive to know he’s somewhere else and happy and literally starting all new things in his life and he hasn’t thought of me or tried to contact me. what am I supposed to do? :'(
Chris Seiter

April 12, 2018 at 4:47 pm

You saddness will go away. Just know that the future is always moving and often it will surprise you on the positive upside. You might be a good candidate for my Private Facebook Group because the ladies there are amazing. Go check it out and see if you have interest (go to website Menu/Products link). Hang in there M!
M.

April 12, 2018 at 10:31 am

Hi Amor. I completed 45 days of NC. He deactivated most of his social media accounts.. can’t find him and he moved to a different country in the meantime. He has a gf still.. I checked his instagram but he hasn’t been active for a while.I post on ig but he hasn’t viewed my stories at all.. think he muted my account. Is he cutting all ties and contact from me? I have no other way to contact him and he unfollowed all the people associated with me..

M

February 26, 2018 at 7:47 am

Hi Chris.

I have asked a question before on this website but I can’t find it- I basically said my relationship with my ex was never a strong one. We were on and off for a long time,he all of a sudden started seeing this girl and immediately it was as if he rushed into it. He is moving to London for her and keeps posting and showing how serious he is. It’s driving me dilly to say the least, I have had a relationship coach for about a year but I couldn’t get him back.

Anyway so he kept trying to see me basically just for sex and I rejected it until the last try BUT I went with good intentions and it just happened when he kissed me I could feel it I could feel the spark and energy was still there.

He messaged me saying he is sorry and he feels terrible for sleeping with me. He immediately ran back into her arms.

Few days later he finally replied telling me that if hey had to break up he knew who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

They were on a break and he immediately chose her again. He told me for my Birthday (he missed it) that he felt bad and he will make it up with dinner. That never happened, in fact he just ignored me. I sent him a goodbye message saying I hope he reaches his goals and he responded immediately saying Thanks he will.

I reactivated my social medias to see whats going on and he basically said that this will be their year.

He also blocked all my friends from his social media. Why did he block them and why did he just ignore me and choose her irrespective of what he told me?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2018 at 2:22 pm

Hi M,

check this one:
Making An Ex Commit When He Doesn’t Want To

Skylar

February 12, 2018 at 3:16 pm

My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me a few months ago. We were living together for 2 years and then a month before the break up he started acting like a stranger. I knew something was up but he never decided to talk to me about how he was feeling. We never had communication issues. Since our break up we have had some contact with each other, have gotten together to talk about a few things but he is very distant and has told me to move on. He has told me recently that I am a great, unique person and he will never find anyone like me again, but he does not want to be in the relationship. This was both our first serious relationship, started when we were young. We were talking about houses and kids just a few months before the break up. I dont want to give up, but he has told me to move on and he is coming off very cold and he comes accross that I and the relationship didnt mean much to him (I’m sure that’s not true though). What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2018 at 6:18 pm

Do you want to try the nc rule?

Kristy

February 4, 2018 at 9:40 pm

Hi Chris/team,

I have been in a 2 hour flight long distance relationship (between south east asian countries) with my ex boyfriend for 6 months. Although we could see each other for about 1/3 of time every month, whenever we flew to see each other, we built a very good relationship. We are both very active and sporty, so we did a lot of activities together and we shared a lot of good holidays and different events. We both agreed that it was special.

However, from the beginning of the relationship, I told him that I am planning to move to Europe and I did. a month before my move, I asked what would happen to us when I move, and he said we can do long distance, and we did for 2 months. However, right after I went back to see him after 1.5 months, a week after I got back to Europe, he wanted to break up with me, because it was too much roller coaster for him and he wanted something more stable. He kept saying that he still missed me and loved me. Also, he said that he wanted to save our potential relationship in the future by doing this, because he thinks that long distance is meant to be failed, and we would eventually get annoyed by each other, which would kill the possibility of us getting back together. So, very ironically, in order to have a future possibility, he wanted to break up before it was too late.
He kept contacting me with things that confused me, and I told him that I don’t want to talk to him for a while until I am ready to be friends with him. So I blocked him on facebook and whatsapp. However, after not contacting with him for about 2 months, he sent me an e-mail as below. (He is Kiwi and his English is very formal, espeically in text)
Do I still have a chance? What should I do to have a possibility to work out? I am willing to move back to Asia after 1 year if he really wants to make it work, but only when he is serious enough with me to consider getting married to me.

From him:
“Hi Kristy,
I know we fell out of touch which was exactly what was needed but hard not to hear from you at the same time. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.
I’m only writing to say I am working with a very fancy architect on my project in BKK who only does luxury resorts and turns out he designed the entire Four Seasons Chiang Mai so naturally I thought of you. All amazing memories:)
Hope you’re well.”

My Reply:
“Hi Mike,
Sounds realllly cool! I remember thinking that designing a hotel like that would be the same as making one’s dream paradise come true! I think I even told you that. So is he going to be the one who design the building you are working on?
I am in Berlin now, since this Sunday is my cousin’s 1st birthday.
I have been doing well, just have been on lots of travel and quite tired of it.
A ex colleague of mine, who used to work with me in Thailand, is moving to Denmark office, as I helped her to transfer. I think I will focus more on exploring Copenhagen once she is here instead of travelling.
What about you? Enjoying Bangkok? I guess you might be settled in Bangkok quite well by now.
Regards,
Kristy”

From him:
“Yes I do remember you saying that actually. Maybe I should run some ideas past you at some point during design. I’m really looking forward to working with them to see what crazy ideas they have to be honest.
That’s nice you’re in Berlin with family for the birthday. Where else have you been travelling to? Sounds like fun but agree it can be taxing – I seriously don’t know how you do it (actually I do: with that little sleeping cushion permanently attached to your neck!)
Settled in to BKK now but honestly have not made any friends or even attempted to. Been so busy with work and still have to travel every now and then for conferences. So maybe I’ll try making friends this weekend if I see someone normal walking down the street.
Almost time to head home for a much needed weekend. ”

From me:
“Yessss!! I can totally validate them from the user perspective. I feel like I need to check out some nice resorts, as a part of my research
And yeah, I took an overnight bus from CPH to Berlin, and I don’t think I could have survived without that pillow – my best travel buddy.
I have been traveling a bit in Korea while I was there, and then I have been to Istanbul, Toulouse, and Berlin. and some other places for work.. I aimed to go to warmer cities like Toulouse or Istanbul, but I was so unlucky with the weather, and didn’t get much sun, sadly. And my friends told me that the weather there is usually better! Just unlucky of me. I planned to go to London in Feb, but I am not sure if I want to add another trip so I might just stay at home.
Where have you been traveling for conferences? How do you like the new flat?
Kristy”

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2018 at 1:20 pm

Hi Kristy,

check this one:
How To Make A Long Distance Ex Commit

ty

January 18, 2018 at 2:12 am

Hey Chris/Team,
my exboyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and imediately I implimented no contact. While breaking up with me he was crying and saying he will always love me and that love it will never change. He also mentioned to his friends he can see himself getting back together with me someday AND he hinted that we will see eachother in the summer. It is obvious we broke up because he had ”the grass is always greener sydrome” as he is in first year university right now and wants to experience being single. Im scared he will not contact me at all throughout the rest of the no contact period! My birthday is in about a month – so I was wondering if I should wait until then to see if he contacts? Also any advice as to what I should do in the mean time to get him back? Thanks! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2018 at 4:34 pm

Hi Ty,

It’s ok if he doesn’t contact you during nc..if your birthday is in nc, don’t respond if he greets you.. Check this one:
EBR 024: Using Social Media To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

« Previous 1 2 3

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

107 thoughts on “He Says “I Love You, You’re The One” But Still Breaks Up With Me”