What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking During The No Contact Rule

546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

Jane

April 5, 2017 at 10:39 am

Hi.

I just wanted to ask your opinion on something. My ex of 2 years broke up with me. He told me that he couldn’t handle me and his career right now and he never wanted to see me again. I did the mistake of begging -I feel so silly now, but finally accepted it and he dropped me home. Later on the same night I texted him in a civil manner saying he won’t have to see me anymore but he should get his watch back from my place, someone else will pass it to him (he told me before its really sentimental to him). He did not reply to the text and I have not attempted to contact him ever since. Its been a week of nc. Ive been focusing on improving myself and made travelling plans etc but I can’t help but wonder have I blown my chances? 🙁

Jane

April 6, 2017 at 1:55 am

Ok, thank you for your advice. What if he doesn’t have any social media? Just whatsapp.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 7, 2017 at 6:51 pm

that’s ok.. if he gets curious during nc or while building rapport, he has something to see
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 5:59 pm

HI Jane,

it’s not yet too late.. focus in how much you can improve and be active in posting in social media.

Aj

April 4, 2017 at 9:21 pm

My ex and I were dating for about 3 months. Things got serious quickly. We are long distance but both moving to the same city next month. We both flew to see each other a couple of months ago and I met his family. Everything was going SO well. He has told me he loves so much and he’s never felt this way, and I mean more to him than I know. He’s told me thing about his family that he’s never shared to any other girl because I’ve gone thru the same thing. We are so similar it’s crazy. The other night I traveled to a different city with my friend and I posted a snap chat that ended everything. I did not cheat but I guess it looked like I did. I regret it so much. The next day he called me so upset pretty much yelling and said he’s done with me. He said I disrespected him and he can’t trust me anymore. He’s blocked me on all social media except for whatsapp. He will not respond to my messages so I know I hurt him so much and it kills me. I know he was so deeply invested in me. I feel like once he calms down he could possibly reach our to me because why hasn’t he blocked me on whatsapp if he’s has blocked me everywhere else and that has always been our main point of contact. I think he will eventually start to miss me but I’m not sure. What do you think I should do?? I feel like I should just message him one last time just to tell him how I truly feel and explain how much I love and care about him and tell him he’s the best thing that’s happened to me and then leave him alone but I just don’t want to to come off as annoying. Should I start no contact now or message him so he thinks about it and then start no contact?
Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 3:14 pm

Hi Aj,

check this one:
How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Thinks You Cheated But You Didn’t

Emma

April 4, 2017 at 9:31 am

Hello there,

I need some advise on NC.

My ex boyfriend and I were together 14 months. We are both 33. Seemingly perfect relationship. Absolutely no arguments ever. Perfect chemistry. Fell in love very quickly and incorporated into each other’s family and friends early on. No cheating. No betrayal. Nothing. We both own our own houses. Just before Christmas I started to bring up the moving in conversation, which i thought was the natural next step for us.

Three weeks ago we went for a perfect meal with my sister and her hubby, then the following day he said he had realised we wanted different things. He loves me but he isn’t sure if he will ever want to get married or have kids. He says I want those things and he isn’t ready. I do want those things, but not yet – perhaps in a couple of years time.

I don’t want to go into all of it, but in a nutshell our break up went as follows:

Tuesday 14th March – he says he loves me but it’s become apparent recently that we want different things. I give him space for a few days.
Friday 17th March – I go to see him and he says he still isn’t sure – he doesn’t know if he ever wants to get married or have kids, and I want those things. He doesn’t want to be the man that I resent later in life if it’s too late for me to have children. He says, when I asked for space I meant a couple of months, not a couple of days. I give him space and don’t talk to him for a few days.
Tuesday 21st March – He texts to ask if I want to go on our holiday with someone else. We had booked a holiday to Italy for end of April, and he wanted to transfer the flights. (I said no, so he has wasted the money.) I go see him to talk about it. He says he feels overwhelmed and doesn’t want to talk tonight. I say, tomorrow then.
Weds 22nd March – He comes over and we talk it through and he finishes it. Says he is sorry, that he loves me, but he doesn’t want long-term commitment. He says he has too much going on in his life and “maybe i’m having a meltdown and in a few months will realise I’m making a mistake, but right now I don’t want to be in a relationship.” He kisses me on the cheek goodbye, leaves and I let him go. I don’t send him any begging texts or anything. I just let him go.
Friday 24th March – He texts to say he is hurting and sad too, that i am a wonderful person and he has some fantastic memories. I ignore him.
Sunday 26th March – He texts again to say how are you, are you ok? I ignore him.
Monday 27th March – Early in the morning he texts and says, please can we talk tonight. I get my hopes up, reply, and think it’s for a reconciliation. We agree to meet in a bar. I get there, and within two minutes realise it’s not a reconciliation. He starts asking if i’m ok, and things like “are you sleeping ok? I’m not sleeping. I can’t sleep”. It was like two friends talking through a breakup. It was very odd. I got upset, and said I’m coming to collect my stuff. I drive to his house, but he won’t let me take the things. He says he can’t cope right now and that I am making him agitated. I leave.
We text each other all week, to talk about meeting up to exchange stuff.
Sunday 2nd April – I go round, get all my stuff and give him back all his stuff and we exchange each other’s house keys. I’ve heard nothing since, nor have I contacted him.

Am I too late to try NC? I have no lifelines now as we have exchanged all our belongings.

I’m on day 2, if I do do NC.

Also, one other thing – I am self employed so have two phones. So, on Whatsapp, we have a group chat which has my two phones and his one phone in it. It’s called My Love and we communicate on that. Everyone says delete chats, but in order to delete the group, I have to exit first, which he will see. Will that just push him away further?

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 5:51 pm

Hi Emma,

It’s not yet too late to do nc and nope, deleting him off chat doesn’t really have a big effect.. what matters most is how much you improve and that you’re active in posting in social media.

Estefania

April 3, 2017 at 9:34 pm

So basically my ex and I were dating for 4 years. Lived together for 7 months. In February we both decided to break up and have 4 months break but not be in a relationship we decided that we would break up on the 6th March as I would be moving back to London with my family the 4th and the 6th would be my last day at my old job in that town and Ii would go back to London when I finished. It was all very amicable. The day came and it was going according to plan and a very heated argument. The day came and we said bye, The end of my shift which is a 12 hour shift my friend sent me an text with a screenshoot of him on tinder already. A few hours earlier he had told me he wanted me to come back to sleep that night and and I told him I didnt want to go through this and he told me we had to be strong. So i freaked out. I asked him straight out what this tinder bussiness was and he said that it was his way of dealing with it. I tried to call him but he didnt answer. He text me saying that he doesnt want the drama. His had enough that we talked about it and we had and we said we could go on dating sites but i made it clear to at least give it a few days and i told him i felt it was disrespectful. Anyways i said i was going to the flat. But instead I called my brother who calmed me.down and I went to london and called him and told him it over. He said okay.

I then got home and I thought I had overreacted and called his bestfriend to try and understand him. I then gave him another chance. His friend talked to him and told him what i had spoken to him about. I text him telling him i had contacted his friend (as he had blocked me on whatsapp already). And that if he wants I’d like to have the 4 months plan back on. His friend text me n said my ex wasnt sure and he had to think about it and I was like well…what is there to think about plus its not fair his using you. I told him to text me himself a yes or no. Anyways he agreed.

So two weeks into it i couldnt handle it i fb messaged him and told him if we could talk about the time limit as I couldnt do it n i felt shit. Took him next day to reply saying his sorry and that its not up to him to make me feel better. How he is happier without me and a weight has been lifted off him and how he now realises I have nothing to offer him and have nothing in commoon ( fact is that i use to say this and he would say we did and that our dislikes is what make us attract) and how the relationship was abusive and how im pressuring him to make a decision and how we are better of as friends and how my snarky personality isnt good for the future. How we need to be on our own for a while. So i was clearly upset i wasn’t expecting this. I asked him if we could talk and he said no and spent half an hour saying no by text. I called him n he declined. Then this friend from earlier on called me n says his with him and he will call later. I told him to stay out of it and my brother fiance grbbeed the phone and told him to tell my ex that it was her and to go on the phone. Then I text my ex saying if he doesnt answer I will go to his parents n wait there. He then immediately text saying how Im pathetic stupid and an idiot. He then called me and said if i go his breaking up with me and I said we had already and will see him later. So I went to his parents who didnt know we broke up and he had text his mum we had at that moment. I spoke to his parents mostly about whether they disliked me as my ex gave me the impression they did not. They reassured me they did. Told me not give up on him and fight. Turns out they wanted me to come round more but my ex said I was busy. Which shocked me.

I went home n text him and told him I had talked to his parents and that we still need to talk. He said He would come that night but near midnight he said he wasnt and would be back in3 days. I said fine.

But my impulsively behaviour didnt let me wait. I went the next day to our old flat and waiited for him outside. I asked if we could talk and he said yes. I told him that I want to be back together and i begged him and told him I know where i went wrong. He agreed to all the blame I took. I had a panic attack and he clamed me down and he held me and called me bubs. He the told me his happier without me that his not ready for a relaltionship with me or anyone. He wants to be on his own and do what he wants. I begged and he said no. I then asked if we could be friends with time n he said yes. He told me not try and find any hope and he told me he loved me but didnt mean he wanted to be with me as I asked him how long it would takr him to figure out what he wants. He said to move on. He said it hurts him to think of me with someone else or having their child. He said if we got together again he wouldn’t be able to break up with me.
So he dropped me off at the station and we said bye and he told me it was nice to see me again. Told me to text him when i got home.

I got home n messaged him via fb as he hadnt blocked me on that for some reason. I told him to email me about the deposit when it was time. He said okay. Then 1 week later. My mum tells me he had text her wishing her a happy mothers day. Background story he doesnt usually text my mum unless I tell him to and he doesnt even celebrate mothers day or text his own mother half the time. It also surprised me because my mother disapproved of him from the start and for him to text her when he know I would have told her everything shocked me. I let it go. So then on fb i liked this girls profile picture that is his friend and whom i didnt particularly like due to some drama years ago. So i liked it to be a bigger person n i messaged her apologising for my behaviour and she agreed not to tell him I had contacted her when I asked her. Really trying to let go of old grudges. Next day i see that he had hearted her picture. He never even liked any of her pictures before. I knew it was his way of getting to me. So i talked to my brother and he told me then only way i was going to move on and really stop these games was to block him on fb and tell him why. So i did my friends helped me reconstruct a message where i told him that im not messaging him to make amend but simply tell him that like he wanted me to move on I am trying to and it doesnt help when my family come to me to tell me his messaged them. I told him i thanked him for remembering my mum on that day but to please not contact them. And wished him the best (he loved my family). He replied with sorry wont happen again and I’m happy your moving on and i wish u all the best and with your new job and then blocked him.
So now into this week yesterday my bestfriend texts me saying his contacted her about dropping some of my things to her and i told her to tell him no and to drop them.off at mine but he said either I drop it at my best friend or he chucks them n i told her to tell him to chuck it then. But then told her that fine to drop it at hers. He didnt reply to her.
A few days ago i remembered that I have his old phone which I need to return but won’t till im ready.

So really since 6th March we have had contact on and off till yesterday. So from where does the NC start and how long?? Can I get him back? I know what I did was sooo wrong and in these weeks I’ve learnt a lot about myself. I know I have a lot to grow on and change for a better me. I know my anxiety and depression have contributed to it and i let it take control and i depended on him too much. I have now set goals for myself. Also when he does email me about the deposit does thst mean the NC rule has broken?? Also i really don’t want to stress him during his exam times in June and Im going on holiday on June too.

Estefania

April 4, 2017 at 5:54 pm

Thank you so much for responding! How long would you recommend the NC for? I’m thinking 45 days.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 5, 2017 at 3:06 pm

you can do at least 30, it’s ok to extend to 45 if you want to..
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 5:24 pm

Hi Estefania,

The no contact rule starts when you stop initiating and responding and not social media stalking him too.. You can talk to him about important matters like money, but only keep it about that. And you have to actively improve yourself during and after nc and to actively post in social media too.

Ethos

April 1, 2017 at 4:44 am

Hi,

I and my ex officially broke up 3 months ago after being in a serious relationship for 2 years and dragging the break up few months. The relationship was laden with many ups and downs. We fought a lot and eventually separated due to awful circumstances. The relationship succumbed to those circumstances. We didn’t end on a very pleasant note but on a neutral note over a string of emails. Since then we have established ‘no contact’ as he decided to cease all communication with me. We are not connected through any form of social media including texts/whatsapp. I’m still not over him and just want one chance to speak to him and try to get back with him. What’s the best approach for me? I don’t want to use the text method as it seems too casual and out-of-the-blue. I would prefer to drop an email but am unsure of what I should say?
(I also drunk-dialed him once during this period.)

Help is appreciated. Thank you!

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2017 at 5:16 pm

Hi ethos,

spend one month of improving yourself first and being active in posting in social media and then check the link below..decide whether you’re still starting in email or text after listening to it
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

rayze

March 30, 2017 at 2:24 am

Hello!

My ex broke up with me last January 16. He caught me communicating with my ex bf that’s why he lost his trust to me. After the break up, he goes hot and cold treatment to me but considers me as his friend only. But last February 4, he requested me to stop communicating with him so I granted his request. It’s been more than a month that we don’t have communication. But we are still friends in facebook. The sad part is he is leaving on April 1 because his job is a cruise ship bartender with a contract of 10 months. For now, I focus on my work and hitting the gym almost everyday. He is also busy in his past time hobby of mountain biking with his male friends. Do you think our relationship will have a chance?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 30, 2017 at 5:57 pm

Hi Rayze,

check this one:
This Is How To Make Him Trust You Again

Nora

March 28, 2017 at 10:25 am

SORRY, THIS IS LONG. My ex broke up with me three months ago. We were having a bad time due to my insecurities, I had become too negative and clingy. It started as a “pause”, we kept talking and I sent him an email about us and after that the things started to get a bit better, little steps. He told me that he didn’t know if we could be together like before but he agreed to give a try to letting our friendship (we remained as friends) evolve and see what happened. I must say that we were in a distance (not really long distance but he hated that situation due to his previous bad experiences with that) relationship and he told me that if we met someday things “in person” would be like before, like when we were together. We kept talking and things were getting better, he seemed to be more confortable with me, he tond me more thing, we share our old jokes… But one night we had a group skype conversation with mutual aquintances (we are from different cities and we have a group for shered interests). Right after that he suddenly stopped to text me (5 out of 6 times was him the first to text almost every day since the break up). I texted him several times and his responses were more and more distant day by day. One time I didn’t text in our group chat (with those mutual friends which I mentioned above, who doesn’t known about our relationship because we preferred not to tell them until we settle. We were together for six months but the last one was awful) in two days and when I “came back” he inmediatley texted me (privately) asking if I was ok, worried for my “absence”. When I answered that I was just busy with my job and a party wich I was preparing he torn distant again. I texted him a few more times the following weeks but I gave up and started NC. But after almost three weeks something in the chat group happened and I take his side in a fight but the didn’t understand my words and thought I was letting him down… I texted him and I tried to explain…he was polite but distant, very very distant. So I freaked out and I asked him what was his problem with me, why that distance and told him that I care about him and didn’t want to be in that situation… He didn’t answer (it was two days ago).
I want him back but I don’t know what to do. I’m starting NC again but if he doesn’t want to talk me it doesn’t make a difference. Anyway, NC is on the table. Any advice about my situation? How can I use the group chat? (he uses to ignore me since we broke up but he reads so is my only “tool” to show him the new me, as I have been doing last weeks before that stupid moment). What can I do to win him back?

Jolene

March 29, 2017 at 2:44 pm

Thank you Amor. Yes, I will talk normaly. About making new friends, well, I have many friends outside the group, my solial life is very fine (even if I dont feel strong for make plans, I keep making them anyway and my friends are my biggest support). I miss my life with him, I have my plans and my life here (we were in different cities), but I always had him to talk about our days and…well, you know, couples stuff. I will try to enjoy everything even if I miss him
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 3:29 pm

that’s good. That means you have a lot to post in your own social media accounts.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017 at 10:18 am

Hi Nora,

just talk normally in the group chat. Don’t mention anything negative. And make new friends, you have to widen your world.

Jana

March 27, 2017 at 1:03 pm

Hello,
Me and my fiance were together for 2.5 years. broke up in decembre. we saw each other many times, then i started the no contact. After almost 3 weeks I was travelling So He contacted me again and he wanted me back. He exploded all his love. He asked me on a date on valentine’s day when i come back so i agreed. We got back together. We continued our preparations for the wedding. We had our ups and downs and he was afraid that i will get angry again like old times and be out of control. 2 weeks ago he proposed again and wanted us to get married soon, and not wait till next year. I agreed. Then i was sick and sleep deprived for 6 days, this made me unstable emotionnaly so i was angree at him trying to get his attention because i wanted him to take care of me. We are not new, we were responsible for each other and take care of each other. But he was chocked because i was blaming him and he didnt know the reason and tried to calm me down. It was by text. The next day he didnt want to talk to me. And i started the nc rule. I agree with sarah that we should start our relationship from the begining to rebuild trust. All the day i was thinking about it then i saw this interview. I hope he will contact me again because he is stubborn.
Jasmine

March 26, 2017 at 1:20 pm

Hello, (I have post a question to another thread as well, but this article seemed more relevant to my situation). I understand that it’s good that my boyfriend thinks that he has lost me, but I have a question. My NC is about to be over and I have improved.
How can I send an upbeat first-contact message after ignoring a bunch of texts from him asking me why I don’t want to talk to him anymore? Especially after we have broken up in good terms? Wouldn’t it seem absurd to act like I haven’t been ignoring him for weeks? Thanks for the help.

Jasmine

March 26, 2017 at 6:33 pm

Thanks Amor! The thing is that our LDR had ended because of practical purposes and we were “friends” before I initiated NC. Now I feel guilty ignoring him since he has done nothing wrong. I’m afraid that he might be disappointed if I just say that I was busy, because that’s a rather distant response to give after all that we’ve been through. What do you think?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017 at 1:55 pm

that’s the truth.. check this one;

What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 5:58 pm

Just tell him sorry,you got really busy in the past month with a lot of new things and then a smiley at the end.. if he replies, reply and then end the convo..initiate again with a new topic after 3 days..

Jane

March 24, 2017 at 2:51 pm

I dated a guy for a month and things were going great. Then we had a really silly argument and he ended up not talking to me for over a month. We managed to sort things out one night but then he told me that he had met someone whilst we were on a break but it wasn’t serious yet so he wanted to continue seeing me as well as her. I told him to take a run and jump. Stupid thing is I still care for him and want to know if there is any hope for us?

Jane

April 10, 2017 at 1:50 pm

Thanks, I messaged him ( a positive memory of when we were dating) after completing Nc and he didn’t reply. It’s been over a week now. What now? If I contact him again will I look desperate? Also he is seeing someone else maybe he has moved on?
Jane

March 26, 2017 at 2:15 pm

Thanks, when he asked to remain friends I told him I didn’t want to talk to him again. Is it wise to contact him after Nc? If yes should I do Nc 21 days or 30 days?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 6:15 pm

do at least days and check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 7:25 am

Hi Jane,

if you want a restart, take it slow on building rapport..if you didn’t improve the past month, do that first..

Katherine

March 23, 2017 at 9:41 pm

I have broken the nc rule twice: 1st time he texted me on day two of my nc, asking how I was. I didn’t want to come off as a bitch and ignore him when he was asking how I was. The 2nd time I had been doing nc for a week but then he texted me about the money he owed me, so I had to text back because that’s important. He’s the one that’s been initiating the text messages. The first time I broke nc we had a good positive conversation over text but I cut it short, told him I was going to bed and said thanks for thinking of me. Then a week later if me doing nc for the 2nd time he asked if I had a paypal so he could pay me the money he owes me. I told him that it would be easier if I got it in cash and I offered my mom, me or someone else to pick up the money, I said “whatever you’re comfortable with.” (This was me trying to seem more in control of the situation) He didn’t reply so I sent another text saying “or PayPal if you want to do that” then proceeded to explain to him, in the same text, that he should call fpl to get my name off the bill. He replied with “ok” 20 minutes later. Then I said “just let me know what you decide”. Because he never gave me an answer for how he wants to give me my money. He has not replied. What do you think he’s thinking? Does he seem stand off-ish? Does it seem like he doesn’t want to see me at all?

Jane

April 10, 2017 at 1:51 pm

Thanks, I messaged him ( a positive memory of when we were dating) after completing Nc and he didn’t reply. It’s been over a week now. What now? If I contact him again will I look desperate? Also he is seeing someone else maybe he has moved on?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:45 pm

you can initiate, just always be the one to end the conversation at high point. if he doesn’t reply again, wait two weeks and try one last time.. if he doesn’t reply after that, move on.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 8:13 am

Hi katherine,

it’s ok to talk about money but only keep it about that.. if you didn’t improve yourself in the past days too, you have to restart count and do that and be active in posting..

Jane

March 23, 2017 at 1:21 pm

I dated a guy for a month and things were going great. Then we had a really silly argument and he ended up not talking to me for over a month. We managed to sort things out one night but then he told me that he had met someone whilst we were on a break but it wasn’t serious yet so he wanted to continue seeing me as well as her. I told him to take a run and jump. Stupid thing is I still care for him and want to know if there is any hope for us?

Jane

May 5, 2017 at 8:10 am

Thanks so much for you help. We met the other day and he was flirting quite a bit and complimenting me on how much I’ve changed and how much of a nice time he was having with me. He wanted to have sex I refused, I told him it was unfair to his girlfriend. He then went onto say how much of a good person I was but still suggested we be friends with benefits! I obviously refused and said we could be friends. He also explained that he blocks me when he’s with his girlfriend in case she sees a message from me and gets jealous. It doesn’t look like he has any intention of leaving his girlfriend and she knows nothing about me. It looks like he just wants sex! Anyway for me to become more?
EBR Team Member: Amor

May 5, 2017 at 5:06 pm

You’re welcome..You have to put yourself first, value yourself more.. Improving yourself is always the best choice but you have to do it yourself..doing it all for others is basically chasing them, because that means you’re changing just to please them.. That’s why the ungettable girl is attractive. They know their standards, they dont lose their self respect
Jane

April 29, 2017 at 1:40 pm

He unblocked me to ask me how I was and see how my house hunting was going but blocked me after our text conversation. I played it very cool. It’s obvious he doesn’t want his girlfriend to find out. Is there any hope?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 29, 2017 at 9:52 pm

set a limit on until when you would try to build rapport. If after that time it doesn’t progress, move on.
Jane

April 25, 2017 at 11:20 pm

Forgot to mention when he asked me not to text him as he was meeting his girl he blocked me it’s now been a week. Still blocked…just seems out of the blue
Jane

April 19, 2017 at 11:30 am

Hi Amor,
Thanks. So I messaged him again and he responded. We’ve been messaging a lot and we’ve been quite flirty so I assumed he was no longer with the girl. Then one day we were messaging having a very fun conversation and he asked if I didn’t contact him for a bit as he was meeting with his girlfriend! I’m so angry that he thinks I’d be happy to talk to meet with him as well as him still seeing someone else. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 25, 2017 at 9:59 pm

just be cool.. he’s just asking for a meet up, not to be together with you both..
Jane

April 10, 2017 at 10:09 pm

Thank you and what should I message him? Should I mention about him not responding to my last message?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 11, 2017 at 9:52 pm

nope, dont.. check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 7:19 am

Hi Jane,

if you want a restart, take it slow on building rapport..if you didn’t improve the past month, do that first..

Kirsty

March 22, 2017 at 4:22 pm

Hi guys . I was with my ex for 2 months not long I know but we had so much in common and we was both crazy he broke up with me because he wasn’t ready for something serious . I’m trying so hard not to contact him because he ment so much to me . He says he stills has feelings just not ready . He always in my head we was really good . I’ve had nothing but bad relationships . I don’t want to give up on him . Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 3:30 pm

Hi Kirsty,

are you improving yourself and are you active in posting in social media?

Manda

March 21, 2017 at 6:39 pm

So to make my story short my boyfriend broke up with me after 8 almost 9 years of being together( we had been together since i was 16) we have been broken up for almost a month. I am not going to lie the first week i was begging him to get back with me and he didnt even budge. He texted me 4 days early to wish me happy birthday knowing damn well it wasnt my birthday.
Finally after a week i stopped trying to contact him and i am proud to say that i havent contacted him in almost 2 weeks. We still see each other like twice a week because we are involved in the same activities but i dont speak one word to him. He even talks to my brother , they were friends before we started dating. About a week ago my friend made a comment about me missing my dogs and he replied ” oh she doesnt miss me ”
What should i take from this break up ?
Is there a chance that we could be back together ? or should i just let it go ?

MANDA

March 26, 2017 at 5:47 pm

I did start the NC after I asked him, its been a little over 3 weeks since we have talked. He has reached out to me about our relationship or anything but he still look at my social media (snapchat ) what should i do ? continue no contact ? is there a chance ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 6:29 pm

initiate after nc..check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Manda

March 25, 2017 at 11:41 pm

When we initially broke up he stated that he just wasn’t happy & felt that we had been arguing too much. He wanted some time to his self and felt like we were just going through the motions. Then the first week before I started the NC I asked him if he loved me , he said of course but he doesn’t know if I’m the one he wants to be with.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 26, 2017 at 3:12 pm

oh no, you have to restart the count of nc after you asked him
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 11:28 am

Hi Manda,

why did you break up?

Pam

March 21, 2017 at 12:22 am

You cannot send an innocuous text like that even after no contact period if it ended badly and terrible things were said.

R

March 26, 2017 at 8:05 am

What is this referencing?

Sarah

March 20, 2017 at 3:21 am

My ex broke up with me 3 months ago and I think the problems can be fixed but he said he was less interested in moving forward and he did not like me that way anymore. We were in a relationship for almost 2 years. I started to do a no contact rule when we broke up for 1 month. I thought he would never contact me because his face looked so serious and unhappy when we met up last two times. I just focus on myself and go to the gym often, try to get high marks on courses. He did not contact me during the NC period. However, after 45 days, he just contacted me and asked hows everything going. He was different from before. He was trying to look for topics ( only I was looking for topics after the breakup.) Also, his replies were very long. Then I just told him I was preparing for my test and I would talk to him later.
It has been one week since we texted each other. I do not know whether I should contact him and what he wants to do. I saw some pictures of his and realized that he went to a party at a weekend with a girl before he texted me. I noticed the girl before. They met each other during their internship but the girl’s internship was over last December. I saw him text her when we were still in a relationship but I did not overthink about it. The girl became friends with one of his best friends and his sister on facebook in January ( around 1 month after we broke up). I saw two pictures of them. One is he put his hand on her lower back or waist. Their costumes were kinda like couple costumes. They both were wearing lab coats (to meet the party requirement). The other photo is that they were just sitting together and their hands were put on themselves. The girl was leaning towards him but he did not do anything. In other photos, I just saw him alone with his other friends.
He admitted we were happy together but he was becoming less happy as we experienced everything together already. I guess, at that time, I was busy with my school but he was doing his internship (he had more free time), I forgot to put in efforts to maintain our relationship. Two months before we broke up, in my birthday gift card, he said I was a wonderful girlfriend. In the 2016 summer, his best friend also told me that my ex thinks I was really nice compared with his last relationship, and the friend could tell my ex was really happy at that time.
I am so confused right now. I do not know whether I should contact him and what he wants to do. Sometimes, I would like to contact him but sometimes I am also scared and tell myself it’s wise to move on. I guess it is because he was too determined when we broke up and what he said really hurts me. He never mentioned any problem between us or discuss anything with me before he said the breakup. It was too sudden for me at that time.
What should I do now? Could you give me some suggestions? I am so confused right now.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 3:24 pm

Hi Sarah,

yes, you should initiate to build rapport.. What’s more important is that you end the conversations and at high point and that you continue to improve yourself.

Rachel

March 19, 2017 at 12:22 am

Hi there. I love your articles and would really appreciate it if you could read this. Thanks

Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. It’s fairly short in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him.

I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issues and the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him. And naturally I told him I liked him alot as you do in relationships.

Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue was the greatest shock to my system.

I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like me as much as I liked him. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a “tutorial” for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I asked him could we at least be friends when we were both ready and he said of course.

I text him two hours later asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridays and Sundays.

My question is:
1) How will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and…
2) Is there any chance I’ll get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 7:39 am

Hi Rachel
try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

Rachel

March 19, 2017 at 12:05 am

Hi there I love your articles so much and if you’ve the time to read this I’d appreciate it. Thanks you.
Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. As soon as we met we started dating. I know it’s a fairly short time in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him. I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issues and the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great and we never had an argument. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him.
Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue.
I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like as much as I liked him. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a tutorial for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I text him later that day asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridays and Sundays.
My question is, how will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and is there any chance I’ll get him back

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 7:40 am

Hi Rachel
try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

Rachel

March 18, 2017 at 11:58 pm

Me and this guy were seeing each other for 2 months. It’s fairly short in comparison to some others but I definitely had feelings for him. I was his first girlfriend and apparently he had commitment issuespecially nd the longest he ever dated a girl was 2 weeks. We got on great. We had amazing conversations, the chemistry between us was great. He made me so happy and as time went on I started to really like him.
Two days ago he invited me out for coffee and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t feel the same way I felt about him and was breaking up with me. I was so shocked, I thought the feeling was mutual and believed we were genuinely happy together. We had never fought before and for him to say it out of the blue.
I did my best to remain calm while he dumped me and asked him why. He said he didnt like ne as much. He also said it was his first relationship and this was almost a tutorial for him. He also believed that he wants someone more like him because we were too different. I text him later that day asking was there any chance we’d get back together and he said no. I travel with him and two mutual friends to college which is a 2 hour drive on Fridaysale and Sundays.
My question is, how will I maintain the no contact rule if is have to travel with him and is there any chance I’ll get him back?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 7:40 am

Hi Rachel
try at least 21 days..just be civil with him when you see him.. don’t initiate feelings nor relationship talks. If he does, tell him he doesn’t have to worry, you understand now..be very active in your life..improve yourself

Angel

March 18, 2017 at 4:02 am

Hi,
So my bf and I have a 6month old together. Been together for almost 2years. He broke up with me a week ago over email & then phone (i called him after receiving the email) He was very mean and heartless about it. After him saying some pretty hurtful stuff, I told him I didnt agree with his decision to break up He said “look I love you but I dont want to be with you” Weve had a rough relationship the past year. Petty fights/arguments, he hates dealing with things, im emotional.. Ect. Anyway, im just a little confused on how he can end things like that, still hasnt reached out to me and is off doing his own thing already( its only been a week). Just two days before he dumped me, we went on a date. He kept saying how beautiful I looked, how hes so lucky to have me, no matter what he can’t live without me. Ect.. Do you think he really doesnt care & hes really just done with me? His actions right now have me thinking hes done, isnt upset and doesnt care about me or our child. & yes I did send him an angry email, along with one saying I will accept his decision to split but that I still love him. He didn’t respond to either. Its been day 5 of NC for me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 6:05 pm

Hi Angel,

maybe he just said that out of emotions.. right now what’s more important is that you heal and improve

« Previous 1 … 9 10 11 12 Next »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”