What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking During The No Contact Rule

546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

Nazli

March 16, 2017 at 2:45 pm

Hello, thanks to chris and his great team. Articles are so clear, complete and supportive.

So, I need your advice and help in my situation.
We were together about 3 years, and he propose me one year ago, so I said yes because I love him so much and I believed in his love too. we had lots of fights and we broke up 2 months ago.
I didn’t want the idea of breaking up and trying to talking to him so much and told him we can fix things up (kind of needy, right ?) but he thinks it’s the best choice.
I tried to respect him and I guess I was successful to be a good person in his mind !
he didn’t block me and he respond to me so kind.
But he didn’t want to get back.
So I decide to listen to you and go on No Contact. (its a little less than one month and I choose 45 days)
So I didn’t congratulate his birthday, it was the hardest part for me to live him alone ! And what happened ? he tried to make me jealous !! and he shared a love song about me on his social network too. everyone said his still in love with me. I said yeeees the no contact works…
but when his friends trying to talk about me to him, he says he can’t talk about me because he is so emotional and breakup just happened but everything ends between us and he will never come back because of bad conditions and etc. (It’s all his words)
he gave all his attention to his job. (he was not a co-worker)
Still one another time I feel he trying to get my attention with love-breakup songs and his attribute, I guess !!
But now, I decided to wait him to do the first move and at least texting me because :
1. I afraid to hear no again !
2. I think he have to improve himself as I improving myself and made his decision !
3. I didn’t want those fight days again !
4. I saw my wrongs and trying to fix them and get more happy and more healthy, and I need time for myself !
(And about RP, sometimes it worked on him but a little times its not !)
Sorry it was too long but I want to hear your advice and tips. To be honest, I afraid of losing him forever. thanks for everything and your time. you are great.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 6:26 pm

Hi Nazli,

it’s ok to be afraid, that’s natural but you have to accept that risk because if you dont, you’ll be desperate.. anyways, it’s important to initiate after nc but if you want to give it more time tosee if he would imprive, it’s ok to extend nc..

Stacey lee

March 16, 2017 at 8:22 am

Hi there. I love your articles. I really understand the psychology of it all and so I agree that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I do however need a little advice on my scenario.
Here it goes:

We’ve generally had a good relationship. We’ve been dating since high school and get along really well. But in the past two years… We both had financial issues which put strain on our relationship. I realize that it was the money that caused the unhappiness… But he thinks he was unhappy because of me. So he broke up with me. I decided to stay friends just because we get along really well… But now I’m day 4 into the no contact rule. And he has texted me random stuff twice about our friends baby and some natural disaster in our country. He is being friendly. His not a bad guy and so I feel like a bitch for ignoring him. But I do want him back. Should I respond. Or just keep ignoring him. I mean… I am trying to show him that if he was so happy without me, why is he still texting me… HELP.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 5:15 pm

Hi Stacey,

nope..stick to no contact, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media..

Emery

March 15, 2017 at 4:05 pm

Hello so my ex and I broke up. Two weeks ago I went to the club and his best friends spotted me. Once I got home I got a text from my ex telling me “you went again smh you really go out every weekend ” I did not respond but he has not tried contacting me again. I’ve been improving myself and determined to not contact him but I’m wondering if he will contact me again? I miss him but being strong about it.

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 11:09 am

Hi Emery,

it’s ok if he doesn’t message you again.. You can initiate contact after nc.. what’s more important is how much you improve now..

Rickie

March 15, 2017 at 4:31 am

Hi!
So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a week ago. I was being desperate and texting a lot and begging him to be with me for about a month. He would say sweet things to me sometimes, like he misses the relationship and he loves going to the movies with me, but when I would get upset about the break up and I would be talking to him he would get angry at me and wouldn’t be very nice. After a month of this back and forth I found your articles and just decided to do the no contact thing. His reasons for breaking up with me would always change and he even said he was confused on what todo a week after our break up. For about 3 weeks now though, he’s been saying he never wants to get back together and doesn’t see a future, and we can’t be friends because it’s to painful, but get this… he still wants me to feel free to talk to him and tell him how I’m doing because he’s “always their for me.” It’s been 11 days now of no contact. The last time I talked to him I texted him that I was sad, and he didn’t respond until hours later by calling me on the phone. He called to “make sure I was ok” but I was out with friends and that’s what I told him when he asked. I cut the convo short and told him not to worry about me. After that day I started no contact. I’m constantly having thoughts that maybe he really never wants to be with me, because he hasn’t tried talking to me once since. I’m doing really well for myself in the mean time, but I still have these weak moments. I guess I’m asking, do you think there’s a chance of him missing me and wanting me back? I don’t understand this break up because it was so abrupt! The night before we broke up he was talking about planning a vacation! It came out of nowhere after a stupid argument! Also, if he doesn’t text me because he’s to stubborn or proud or is the “I’ve lost her forever” guy, then do I message him first after a full 30 days?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 1:17 pm

Hi Rickie,

If he’s back and forth, then there’s a chance he will be back again.. but for now, leverage nc by improving yourself..

Jane

March 15, 2017 at 1:26 am

Did 21 day NC, sent a “I have a confession” text, got one word response, I messed up and sent angry mean texts, became a gnat, he blocked me

What do i do

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 12:49 pm

Hi Jane..

oh no…how many times have you done nc?

Louise

March 14, 2017 at 9:57 pm

Hi,
My ex and I broke up about a week ago, we lived together and had a dog (he’s kept the dog) he’s moved out but hasn’t fully got his things. He is collecting them tomorrow. Up until this point we’ve still been contacting eachother about the things he’s left. He also contacted me to talk about his family problems, which turned into talking about our relationship (resulting in me telling him what I hoped for rather then a break up, with a lot of crying – I didn’t beg for him though, promise ha) we have spoken again about his things a few times but the conversation usually turns to day to day things and his family problems.
Have I gone too far to start a no contact by telling him he can contact me about his family?
I didn’t want to break up, and we have previously (once seriously where I moved out and once where he didn’t have a large amount of space and he were back together the next day – I see it as just a big argument) due to things such as stress through, my dad passing away, loosing jobs, a failed move away and having to live back with my mum (all in a year and a half relationship!) he said to me that ‘too much has happened [with us]’ however I see these things as contributing factors not things that are ‘problems’ in our relationship. I see too much happening as cheating or lack of love etc (he has told me he loves me still and that’s not the problem) my other question is, has too much happened? As well as this, he says that he’s returned to ex’s before and will NEVER do it again because it never works,.. I of course disagree. What’s your take on this?
Thank you for reading x

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 12:29 pm

Hi Louise,

I think there’s still a chance but he can’t talk to you about family during nc.. if its about things, it has to be strictly about that only…

Bryanne

March 14, 2017 at 4:59 pm

I have been doing no contact except for when he needs his things. He keeps texting me and today finally he said “this has been tough on me and I’ve been praying for a sign.” Then he said, “I’m getting my things today and it will have to be short and I have to say goodbye for good.” What do I do

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 9:42 am

Hi Bryanne,
be civil, look good and just continue on in nc and improving yourself..he’s just testing how you would react

Teah

March 13, 2017 at 6:03 pm

How will NC work if he claims there’s someone else? Wouldn’t the time apart just drive him into her arms even more?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 2:33 pm

Hi Teah,

it depends, but it’s better to improve yourself than to chase him..
check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

Natalia Reszka

March 13, 2017 at 1:57 pm

Hi to the whole team,
My ex decided to finish our relationship one month ago. We were together almost 2 years, from which last 1.5 year we were in LDR. Half year ago he decided to move closer to my place of living and now he lives 6 hours drive from my city. The main problem in our relationship were fights about my controlling nature and lack of trust. He started lying to me about small stuff actually, cause he was afraid I’ll make a huge fight about it, then I was finding out about a lie and I was making a fight anyway. It was just like a loop – my luck of trust and his fear about my reactions were growing with every fight. We both were making mistakes cause we were afraid to lost each other, what actually brought us to the end of relationship. We had many plans together, including me moving to his city in next few months. In other aspects of relationship and lifestyle we were completely matched. We both invested so many feelings in this relationship. Thats why its hard for me to just accept this situation. He didnt planned a breakup, it happened during a phone call, we had a small argument about trip plans which didnt work out and something broke up inside him, he said he cant like this anymore, we keep fighting, he is unhappy and he doesnt want to continue this relationship. I was trying to convince him for hours, but it didnt work out. I gave him one week off and I decided to see with him face to face. I came to his city and we had another long talk. He said he thinks he did a right thing and he doesnt see a chance for us. We both were crying and hugging each other for hours, it was kinda ‘I gave up’ breakup, he wasnt even angry, he seemed very sad, resigned and tired. He wanted us to stay friends, he asked can he still txt me and I said that for sure not now, maybe in few weeks from now. He said he will give me as much time as I need. I started the no contact rule day after (what means I’m now on 21st day of NC period). During last weeks I’ve read EX BF REC PRO book, articles on the site. I improved myself – I started driving lessons, meet up with friends a lot, had a trip outside the country, did many funny, new things, stepped out from my comfort zone many times, I’m taking care of my look and of course I’m actively posting everything on social media. It looks like I really moved on and enjoying my life to the fullest. He is ignoring all my posts (normally he was liking almost every each one), he didnt txt me at all during the NC time. He is medicine student (27yo) surrounded by a group of new friends, also students, so he has got a lot of possibilities to go out and do many activities which helps him to move on and unfortunatelly what also may help him to meet a new girl really quickly. That’s also the reason why – I think – he didnt decide to txt yet. He is just busy with new friends. Maybe he is even happy that it looks like I moved on and he thinks this way will be better for both of us. After reading this article I still have no idea what he is thinking now about the whole situation, it looks like my situation might be different than others, thats why I decided to comment here.

I know I can’t described whole relationship in one comment, so I showed you guys just only the ‘ugly’ part. But I know me and my ex – we build really magical bond between us, which doesnt happen often. Thats why I want to get back this specific guy.

Jelly

April 18, 2017 at 6:25 pm

Hello Amor! You’re right. He said he missed me because i confronted him about what he sent and yeah he said ” i was just thinking about our memories” but i think he doesn’t want to get back with me
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 12:24 pm

Hi Natalia,

if you’re going for 30 days, you can initiate after it.. That’s ok that he didn’t message.. Just take this as a restart and slowly build rapport..

Jelly

March 13, 2017 at 11:16 am

Hi! My ex and I broke up for about a month now we’re in a long distance relationship, so i started working on myself and become more positive about my life. So i talked to his mom just to say hi and after 47 days of NC he sent me a message and i respond. I was gonna end the conversation but he asked me how i am until we had a nice conversation and he even asked me “You wanna be friends?” He’s been telling about what happened in his life recently but i’m not opening that much. What will i do after?

Jelly

April 18, 2017 at 6:53 pm

Hello Amor! You’re right. He said he missed me because i confronted him about what he sent and yeah he said ” i was just thinking about our memories” but i think he doesn’t want to get back with me
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 24, 2017 at 6:55 pm

don’t operate thinking if his every move is whether he wants to get back or not, just focus in building rapport.. it’s like just waiting for him to get back with you instead of being active in building rapport and attraction for him to want to get back with you
Jelly

April 16, 2017 at 10:38 am

Hello Amor! I was just wondering why my ex sent me a link a song and i saw the lyrics and i dont know what to feel or think cos there’s a line there “how badly i need you” or there’s issues and he even forward my picture on instagram and i asked him he didnt answer yet. So what do you think that means
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 3:49 pm

Thats good..it looks like he misses you
Jelly

April 6, 2017 at 3:31 pm

*** but when i said to him that i miss him isaid that i was just kidding
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 9, 2017 at 2:46 pm

just keep iniiating and being the one to end the conversations at high point to build rapport
Jelly

April 6, 2017 at 3:29 pm

Hello! I initiated a contact just now. I just asked him something then he asked me “how’s life” i replied “missing you” he said well theres other guys out there and he even asked if the guy is sweet because he saw in my friend’s ig story someone hold me on my shoulder so i said that its not my guy and he said i thought its your guy bla bla. He’s still acting distant even if i initiate a conversation
Jelly

April 3, 2017 at 1:28 pm

Hi btw its been 2 weeks now and he didnt initiate contacting me. I’ve been posting pictures and stories on instagram that i was having fun and went to club and had s food trip with friends but it seems like he didn’t bother seeing that and just mind his own life. What should i do next?
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 3:07 pm

that’s ok.. just keep improving yourself and in posting.. after no contact, you can initiate.. the more important thing is if he gets curious, your posts show you’re moving on and improving.
Jelly

March 22, 2017 at 7:21 am

Yeah he did but unfortunately he’s acting cold or like one answer one question if i didn’t send him a message he will not send me one so i just think that he doesn’t want me back
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 25, 2017 at 2:53 pm

do mini nc of two weeks before initiating again
Jelly

March 17, 2017 at 10:49 am

And thats the ticket going somewhere for our vacation but suddenly we broke upso he will not go here in my place thats what he sent
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 4:04 pm

did he respond now?
Jelly

March 17, 2017 at 5:54 am

Hi!!! Yeah i was going to do that but since last sunday until now he didn’t even bother to contact me and i sent him a message 3 days ago but he didnt respond
Jelly

March 15, 2017 at 9:38 am

Thank you for answering!!! 🙂

Btw he asked me if we can be friends and i said sure why not. Do you think he just want to be friends with me? But he sent something on my email that my name isn’t changed its still the name he used to call me with a heart.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 16, 2017 at 2:30 pm

that’s good..use it to your advantage..start out as friends and build rapport from there..
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 13, 2017 at 2:02 pm

Hi Jelly,

open up, because you need to build rapport..have fun conversations but dont be too available.Continue the activities you started in nc while slowly building rapport with him..Follow the advice on this one:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

Jaye

March 12, 2017 at 5:57 pm

I messed up the first nc by sending a meme, no response and then a few weeks later one of those ‘memory’ type texts (not romantic just a funny date we had), got a response to that one though! Do I start the whole 30 days again cause I’m ready to do this now? Just keep thinking time is running out Thanks

Jelly

April 17, 2017 at 8:28 pm

Or maybe not. He said he was drunk and i was like in my mind wow. What should i do?
Jaye

March 20, 2017 at 10:20 am

Hi well I had a message from him at the weekend saying he missed me and if I was seeing anyone! I replied and totally forgot about nc stupidly, but I can’t ignore people. Do I now have to start from scratch again! I was doing so well and now feel like I’ve messed up and all the emotion is back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 24, 2017 at 6:37 pm

yes, you have to start at the first you stopped initiating and replying.
Jaye

March 16, 2017 at 8:17 pm

Hi Amor, thanks for the reply. Yes I did send 2 texts, 2 weeks apart and I’m fully committed to now doing the full 30 days again!! I have to admit it’s easier than you think it will be but then I’ve had some small practice
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 17, 2017 at 4:39 pm

you’re welcome! Make the most of this 2nd nc by being really active in improving yourself and in posting in social media
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 15, 2017 at 9:09 am

hi Jaye,

did you mean you sent those texts during nc? if yes, you have to restart..

Alina

March 11, 2017 at 11:46 pm

This was interesting to read.. I have been in no contact since January. My fiancé and I broke up in October. I did no contact before and did as the book said and go to day 11 of texting and then it stop. I could tell he was a bit stand offish in his text, like he has his guard up. Not to detail but still communicating quickly and responding. I’ve been wanting to text him but I’m like idk if it’s the right time or don’t know what to say since I done whatvthe book says the first time around. What should I do or how should I send my first text?? This is nerve racking to me. I want my fiancé back our break up shouldn’t have happened.

Alina

March 17, 2017 at 5:19 pm

So I texted him first.. I found out he is supposedly seeing someone by his friend and he told me he’s been on a few dates already. We are suppose to meet up and talk finally since we haven’t talked about why we broke up at all to clarify everything. He says that he has unanswered questions and also feelings about us and what happened.. should I continue to txt hi until we meet up or not? Do you think his dates and this suppose girl he seeing is serious? I don’t want to ruin my chances.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 21, 2017 at 4:31 pm

Have you met up:
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 6:17 pm

Hi Alina,

you still have to approach it like a first contact text because it’s been a long time since you texted..check this:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Tasmin

March 11, 2017 at 10:50 pm

Hi everyone.

Did the NC for 30 days and contacted him, he said that he didn’t want to text and rather called. So he called me and we talked a little bit about out lives. He said something and I playfully said: “Looks like you haven’t missed me at all!” He responed with: “I didn’t. I really didn’t, I barely thought about you, honestly..” So I said: “Wow, I really didn’t make an impression on you these last 5 years, hey?” So we talked a little and he said: “But I still wanna be friends, y’know?” and I took my chance and said: “Sure, me too!” (Because I know quite a few people that broke up, became friends and then got back together) So he talked about his new console and I joked: “Well, I’ll visit soon to play with you!” And he said: “OK!” So I said: “Eh, okay! Just let me know when, gotta know before Sunday tho!” and he said fine, we talked some more, laughed and stuff and hung up.
This was 4 days ago and I still haven’t heard from him, should I text him Sunday to ask of we’re still on or should I wait for him to text? Should we even hang out at all?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 6:05 pm

you’re moving too fast.. build rapport first before meeting up. if he’s not a texting person, you can use calls but plan it well. And be in control and look like you’re busy.. For example, your invite above suggested you’re available anytime for him and that you want an answer soon. It would have been better if you said,

“Ok, let me know when, I’ll see if I can work around my current sched.”

Tamzin

March 10, 2017 at 10:57 am

So what if you do No Contact then get an angry response back? What is he thinking then? Is there any point to even doing another NC? What if you start NC after a fight?

Tamzin

April 2, 2017 at 11:58 pm

Thank you Amor. Your comments are really helping me through this, not just on my post but for the other girls too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 4, 2017 at 11:19 am

YOu’re welcome 🙂
Tamzin

April 1, 2017 at 3:54 am

Haha I should have taken your advice… guess what happened? He told me he was changing his number. I promised him I wouldn’t contact him again. I thought that would be effective because it’s out of character for me because 1. I’m impulsive and a text gnat and 2. I had a tendency to break my promises.

So I think if enough time goes by he’ll realise I’m serious/I’ve changed and that’s when (if ever) he’ll start to miss me and maybe even get in contact. So my question is this: if I’m doing an indefinite NC and waiting for him to get in contact, how soon after he contacts me (hypothetically) should I respond? Or is there a better way?

This is hypothetical cos ex still hates me, but I want to be prepared in case things change.
Thank you!!!!

P.S. I’m improving and trying to move on, I’m not just waiting around. But I’m still not completely over him.
EBR Team Member: Amor

April 2, 2017 at 4:44 pm

do at least 45 days.. if he contacts you in it, don’t respond..but initiate after 45 days
Tamzin

March 10, 2017 at 11:24 pm

He sent a stream of various F offs and asked me to delete his number. Also I did something dumb &I texted him a random address at 5am with no context. The response I have from that is the least angry one so far. What should I respond to it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 4:53 pm

nothing.. restart the count of nc..
Chris Seiter

March 10, 2017 at 4:08 pm

It simply means he was upset that you were ignoring him.

What did he say exactly if you don’t mind me asking?

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546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”