What Your Ex Boyfriend Is Thinking During The No Contact Rule

546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”

Starlight

January 31, 2018 at 10:46 am

Hi, after nearly 4 years of LDR (meeting regularly) my ex broke up with me. He mentioned how he doesn’t feel romantically about me anymore but still cares and likes me. He said he’s been thinking about it for months but the “liking” outweighed the “loving” and during a small meaningless argument he messaged it’s best that we break up and then he disappeared. At first I thought it was due to stress from exams and possibly a depression episode (he’s on meds for the last half year). Few days later he confirmed his decision. I did the mistakes of crying and begging him to rethink while on the phone. I also asked him to mail my belongings. We chatted a few times for a week until I decided to go into NC. It’s been a week since start of NC now and he texted about the problem with a package, however along this message he also sent “I still like you, btw, and would want to keep in contact with you.” I only responded to the package topic, ignored the friend zone. I can’t stop thinking about if it’s good or bad thing, though. Is it more likely that he misses me without realizing it or is it the nail in the coffin and he’s just trying to not lose a trusted friend, since he barely has any? I’ll continue with NC (including personal growth) and start building rapport with him afterwards. Can I do anything else to prevent the friend zone, and instead bring back more desire and romantic attraction? Thanks in advance!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2018 at 6:12 pm

HI Starlight,

that’s good that you’re in nc now.. Have you checked this one?
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Wants To Stay Friends

Amanda spelling

January 24, 2018 at 11:32 pm

Hi. I’ve been doing nc with a friend. I’ve been seeing him for a year. I met him when he was just getting out of a relationship. He told me he needed time before he could get into another relationship but he did say he wanted a relationship with me eventually. Then months later he told me he didn’t want a girlfriend at all. A month ago he told me he was talking to someone else but it was nothing serious. We kept arguing because he wouldn’t admit that he lied to me so I just decided to stop talking to him….will no contact work with my situation.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2018 at 7:34 pm

Hi Amanda,

it’s not guaranteed to work in any situation, but it helps increase your chances.

Jill Moratto

January 23, 2018 at 12:26 am

Hi. I was with my fiance for 5 years on and off. (He was deployed a lot during that time.) He’s also a terrible alcoholic, and has been to rehab 3 times. He’s broken up with me a few times before, but always eventually comes back. He was sober for 8 months once and things were amazing. He helps around the house, fixes things, holds the door open for me, we laugh, have fun, share a lot of thing in common, strong physical attraction, amazing sex, a personal bond. He means everything to me. When he gets wasted drunk that’s when he’s all about cheating, telling lies, and being up to no good on line. On Christmas EVE he was passed out again. I grew furious when I found another hidden bottle of whiskey so I threw it across the room and began yelling. He immediately packed up his things and left on the spot. No conversation, no communication, just an uncomfortable dramatic exit. So much for having a nice Christmas together. He now lives in a van at his job site, but has come over here on a few weekends to give me some money and cut the grass, and walk to dog, and of course we have sex.I always cook him dinner then he goes back to his van. After he leaves I’m heartbroken. I’m desperate to be his wife. Why does he have to leave at all? He said he needed to work on himself, and needed space. 5 days ago he met me to give me some money, and we had sex. It was a quick meeting. We talked briefly on the phone later that night and even texted back and forth few times, then it stopped. I sent him a kissing face emoji and he didn’t respond. He’s always hot and cold. Just a few days earlier he as sending me that same emoji. I felt upset about the lack of reciprocation so I decided to get serious about the no contact. I had to try a different approach. Other wise he is having his cake and eating it too; living in freedom, but coming over for sex and food. When he mentioned coming over or next weekend, I told him, “Maybe, If I have time.” He looked surprised and asked it i had plans. I said yes. 4 days past and I hadn’t heard from him, then he texted me later in the evening, “hey.” I was happy h was thinking about me, but angry. All I get is “hey” ? What kind of crappy text is that? He’s never been a good communicator, so it’s not too un-normal for him, but still, I was mad and hurt. It killed me not to answer him, but I ignored the text until about 5 hours later, when i responded back, “Hey I’m just out with some friends! Hope you had a good weekend!” The next afternoon he called me on the phone. (That’s pretty rare for him too. He’s always been more of a texter.) I ignored the call. This is killing me. I want to reach out to him soooooooo much, but maybe this no contact thing is working? I’m sure he will come home eventually because he has before several times, and I pray about i daily. Still, I don’t know what to do. He’s always so stubborn, if I don’t make the first move, he just thinks that’s it. Game over. I don’t want to lose him forever. How long should I wait before calling him back and saying, “Hi. Sorry I missed your call. Things have been so crazy busy lately. I’ve been sailing and hanging on the beach, and spending time with my friends a lot. Well, I have to meet a friend for dinner. Maybe we’ll talk later. Hope all is well with you.” And then hang up. It’s probably good to do this to keep him engaged, right? If I appear happy, confident, busy, and unavailable? Please give me some advice. I’d be super grateful. I still want to marry this guy. He still tells me he loves and misses me every time were together. Sometimes even if I don’t bring it up. And I’ve recently stopped bringing it up altogether. Why can’t he just come home already? UUGH it’s the booze! It ruins everything. He’s been sober for awhile again now though, I’m pretty sure. Thank you for your help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2018 at 5:30 am

Hi jill,

You’re not in nc because you’re still replying to his messages and calls.. And if you let him sleep with you that lessens your chances too.. Try to talk it out first..if he doesn’t want to make it work, then you have to be firm on not talking and sleeping with him or you’re really going to lose respect and value in his eyes

Courtney

January 23, 2018 at 12:13 am

So when we broke up he said “ he doesn’t think were gonna be compatible in future.” Then a few days after the breakup he messages me a few times and he even brought up the fun times we had…even flirting a little. After a few days of messaging back and forth, I initiated the no contact rule. I blocked his Snapchat. But he hasn’t messaged me at all. Does he miss me? Will this work?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2018 at 4:57 am

Hi Courtney,

It’s not a guarantee that it will but it helps increase your chances and yeah, he probably misses you..

Zoey

January 18, 2018 at 10:12 pm

hi
i made a silly joke then suddenly he hates me and decided to stop talking to eachother;i apologized many times but he did not respond ..when i insisted calling him and being so much annoying ;he blocked me on fb and viber but still friends on instgram and whatsapp..i stop talking to him since last Saturday…could you give me little advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 20, 2018 at 3:35 am

Hi Zoey,

Check this one:
My Ex Boyfriend Thinks I’m Annoying

E

January 18, 2018 at 3:34 pm

Hi! So in brief my exboyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We had problems but we always got through them, however, the last month he was with his family and he seemed a little different. We were sort of distant I would say. Somehow we got into an argument and he said he cant do this anymore and when I asked if he is completely done with me, he said ‘yeh I guess’. Somehow, I didn’t beg him to stay or anything but a day after I sent him long email saying I really miss him and that I still love him no matter what. Later, the next day I got drunk and messaged him on facebook but he didn’t reply. Then I decided to initiate the no contact rule, and I lasted for 6 days and I messaged him saying since he is done with me to block me on facebook. Then I got upset cause he did and a day after I said I need to talk to him to clear my head. I told how I felt and he kept saying how he doesn’t want to get back together and his parents don’t want him to either. I kept saying I don’t want to go back to it either but things might be different but he said it wont. He also said he wants to catch up once or twice a week and I said I’m not ready for it. I haven’t talked for two days since. I don’t know if I should continue the no contact rule or not at this point. I would really appreciate some advice. I am finding it hard to believe that things are over between us even though he said all that. Should I continue with the no contact rule, or does it seem like there is no chance of it working out?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 20, 2018 at 2:15 am

Hi E,

do the nc rule for you, not for him.. Then later on decide if you still want to build rapport with him.

Emma

January 15, 2018 at 3:32 pm

My boyfriend and I of nearly 4 years broke up in November – we were close to buying a house and he said the famous words that he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore and that we have grown apart and he doesn’t want the house. I admit I went through the calling and texting and the ugly stage of you won’t find anyone better then me phase! Cringe! Anyway we got to a point where he told me that I was barking up the wrong tree (an UK English phrase) and that I shouldn’t try anymore. So from that day on I have not contacted him that was 13th December. But within that time he has contacted me and I have responded which I know is against the no contact rule. I have restarted it up again and then I bumped into him at the gym… What am I supposed to do when he approaches me at the gym I can’t really be rude to him (even though I did display emotions of not wanting to speak with him). I’m just wondering whether this is actually going to work for me as I can’t seem to even reach 2 weeks without something happening! Help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2018 at 7:58 pm

Hi Emma,

the more you restart it, the less it can help you.. If you see him first, avoid him.. If you bump into him just be civil but don’t have small talk.. excuse yourself politely.

Garima

January 14, 2018 at 12:22 pm

Hi,
I have known this guy who is also a Doctor , for about 8 months. We meet every week and had lots of fun, he shared his thoughts. Even he invited me every week to his place. But recently, he stopped picking my calls and responding to my texts. Then he told me on call that he has exams from 15th of Jan and so he needs time. And when I asked him if he has something like break up in his mind then he told no. And told me that we will meet soon but he needs time for his exams. Before that he asked me to meet on 5th of Jan but on that day he lied me that he is sick and has went to his hometown. But I had feelings that he lied so called his hospital where he has his duty in some ward. I am very upset that he lied to me. From that day I started No contact. But didn’t got call or texts from him since then. I don’t know if he had ever got a thought about me or he has any intention of coming back. I am so stressed and cried a lot. I had a feeling that he is in contact with his ex also. It’s been about 11 days of no contact. I am still waiting. But I know I will complete this no contact but afraid that he will come back or not.
Daby Ekpo

January 12, 2018 at 6:07 am

Nothing happen between us, and he just told me s over. I decided to follow the no contact rule. When I tried calling him, his number was unavailable for a week nw. Should I visit him? Wt do I do cos am going crazy. I rily love him to come back.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 9:03 pm

HI Daby,

You’re not supposed to initiate nor reply, and see him during nc.. check this one:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period

noe

January 9, 2018 at 1:58 am

hey, so i had a relationship with that guy for 4 years now, we broke up twice and got back together, this is our third break up and it’s totally aggressive, he blocked me after the break up argument and when i talked to his best “male” friend he unblocked me and sent me a message on face book but i decided that i’m in my NC period and am not gonna answer that, i didn’t even got his message on seen, he blocked me two days later without a word or without sending me back.. now what should i do cause he really seemed so angry and rude the last time we talked before the block!
we also broke up because he said i post too much photos on instagram and it makes him kinda jealous “that was the main reason we broke up the first time 4 years ago.. can u please help me out and tell what shall i do? i’m going home “country where he lives” afte a month from now..

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:25 pm

HI Noe,

How did he know you’re talking to a guy during nc?

Tracey

January 8, 2018 at 1:40 pm

Hi
I have been doing NC 5 days now. And wonder what he is thinking.
I was seeing him regular, casual for well over a year. He was always telling me he didn’t want me to date other men, and often got worried I would meet someone if I went out with friends.
I saw him just before new year, and all seemed great, he said he felt guilty I had given him a small Christmas gift, said he wanted us to go out for dinner soon. And that it’s his birthday next week, but it wasn’t a hint to get him anything. He sent me a New Year’s text,
Then two days later messaged to say he had to say goodbye to me, so I could have a proper relationship with someone, do I carry on with NC, and what is he thinking??

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 12:29 am

HI Tracey,

Yes, and don’t greet him in his birthday. Why weren’t you official?

Dana

January 3, 2018 at 8:49 pm

What if you’re boyfriend initiated no contact and also broke up with you?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2018 at 9:35 pm

Hi Dana,

he probably just ghosted you because no contact means not initiating nor replying for a length of time and then after that you’re going to slowly build rapport and attraction to get him back.. but in his case, it looks he ghosted you to break up with you..

Dana

January 3, 2018 at 8:48 pm

Hello, what if your boyfriend initiated no contact and broke up with you?
Star

December 29, 2017 at 4:02 am

Hi! My ex-bf and I broke up after a year together in September because we come from two different cultures and we were worried our parents wouldn’t approve. During our time apart, we both spoke with our parents and although I got my parents to approve, his mother does not because of cultural differences. She doesn’t speak a common language with me and wants a daughter in law who speaks their language. He was my best friend throughout medical school and sadly our only problem is our parents not approving due to cultural differences. He believes that we work very well together but our parents have nothing in common. I decided to start NC to get over him but I still hope he realizes that our problem is something we can work through. He texted me on day 2 that he misses me and hopes we can be friends one day. Is NC advisable in this situation?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 31, 2017 at 8:38 pm

Hi Star,

check this one:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Princy

December 25, 2017 at 3:33 am

After the breakup, my ex bf has been chasing me on calls and messages immediately after 2 days of initiating NC. It’s been 2 weeks I haven’t responded to him. He is now upset that I have not been responding to him and has blocked me and has sweared i will never hear from him again. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 2:20 am

Hi Princy,
Why did you break up? Let him be for now..

Heidi

December 24, 2017 at 9:06 pm

Hi there I recently got dumped by my ex boyfriend about 5 days ago. We were together for almost 3months. Ive only had 1relationship before for 3years and been dating after for 2,5 year but I’ve never had that conection which he feelt the same it was so intensive. But anyways the relationship ended because of missunderstanding I tried to be calm and explained that he missunderstood me he said he understood but I feelt that he didnt , his reaction was so unlike him he was so angry and said that he decided not to continue and dont want this anymore and that I should not contact him anymore. So I said to myself that I wont because when we had missunderstanding before I was the one who mostly took the step to speak out and convince to talk. This time he did me wrong.
So my question here is fine I will continue with no contact rule.

But what is the chances that he will get back,?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 8:09 pm

Hi Heidi,

If it’s just a misunderstanding, then you have a good chance..

Nige

December 24, 2017 at 1:39 am

Hi! I met this guy online and we’ve been speaking for months since I’m travelling for work and we’re not in the same location at the moment. We got really close to each other, share the same interests, have very similar personalities and sense of humour… we wouldn’t stop texting through the day, we always have stuff to talk about. Physical and sexual attraction are huge and we were really looking forward to meeting in 3 weeks, when my work travel ends and I’ll be in the same location as him. We were both seeing great potential there.
However, through these months, sometimes I asked him questions because I’m overly concerned about people lying to me. I’m never like that, not at all part of my personality, it’s just that something recently occurred and I had that concern in mind. He never liked much the questions but was comprehensive about it. The thing is that I asked him a question the other day and he exploded! Told me he’s fed up with that, that I should trust him as things were developing well between us, that I was ruining things because he never gave me a reason to don’t trust him. He said he thinks it wouldn’t work because of that. We spoke after that, I recognised my mistake, apologised and said it wouldn’t happen again. We agreed we could be friends till I get home and maybe we could meet and see how it goes.
Obviously conversation is not being as before, he clearly got a bad impression of me and said he didn’t completely lose interest but that he’s feeling different. I just wanted a chance to show him I’m not like that but I don’t have many resources while I’m far. I decided not to chase him and it’s been some days we’re not talking. I’m thinking about applying the NC rule but I’m not sure it should be applied to someone I didn’t have an actual relationship yet? Maybe I should do something different? There was so much potential there, I don’t want to ruin it because of a silly concern I had and was totally uncalled. So silly!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 7:13 pm

Hi Nige,

No need to do nc rule.. Just let him initiate and be more active in your life

Danielle

December 22, 2017 at 6:46 am

Hi, my boyfriend broke up with my yesterday and told me that he needs time to sort his head out because he isn’t happy with his life right now. I reassured him that I could support him through what he is going through but he is certain that he doesn’t want a relationship right now and doesn’t know if he can see a future with me, but still wants to be friends. I asked him how much time he would need to know for sure whether or not he could see a future with me and he told me that he doesn’t know and is giving me really vague answers to my questions regarding the break up. I’m really interested in trying the NC for four weeks but I’m scared that in that time he will move on because he is very insecure. Any advice please?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 26, 2017 at 1:14 am

Hi Danielle,

Check this one:
My Relationship Ended Due To Insecurity

Astrid

December 11, 2017 at 4:24 pm

He just wants to have sex. So I told him I wanted more. He kept calling I ignored. Then I would respond no I’m not coming over. All very politely. Then he triggered me and I got a bit mad. Then he kept calling again and Finally he said I should just block him. So I did. I miss him so much. But if he doesn’t want me what can I do? Ignoring him is so hard. So I blocked. But now I won’t know if he tries to contact me. I figure the chances of getting the “I was wrong I’m dying without you” text I want are pretty slim. Advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 13, 2017 at 1:17 am

Hi Astrid,

when was all that?

Shelly

December 10, 2017 at 4:42 pm

My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago. He was so ridiculously in love with me. I gnatted at him for 3 weeks and it did nothing. He just kept getting meaner and more firm in his decision. He said things like he would never date me again and that we weren’t meant to be. I started no contact 4 days ago.
I can definitely see he’s getting angry, as he removed me from his Instagram and changed my name on Facebook right after. Yesterday night I ACCIDENTALLY sent him a snapchat. He’s on my best friends list still from when we were dating and I accidentally clicked his name. It was a complete accident. He responded “what?” and I didn’t reply. Does this count as breaking the no contact rule? It was a complete accident.
Also, while I was gnatting him, he said he wanted space and time apart for a few months so we could get over each other, and that he wanted to eventually be friends. He still wanted to talk here and there, especially since we go to school together. Is me going into NC just helping him get over me like he wanted to?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2017 at 5:17 am

Hi Shelly,

Nope, frankly, it looks like he already moved on..if he hasn’t, you wouldn’t have to chase.. Why did you broke up?

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546 thoughts on “Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule”