Today I’m going to show you how long you can expect it to take to get your ex back.
This is something I have written about before but the thing that always annoyed me about that article was my inability to give you an exact answer.
I notice a lot of my peers skirt the issue because no one really knows.
In the world of exes there are so many moving factors that can dictate how long it will take for you to get your ex back.
Luckily, I’m at a place in my coaching business where I’ve gotten more than my fair share of success stories and can actually take a look at the data to come up with a more concrete answer for you.
Exactly How Long It Should Take You To Get Your Ex Back
For this article I did something really interesting and took nine of the success stories I’ve gotten over the past year and looked at how long those particular successes took.
The answer was very eye opening.
You can expect this article to tackle three main issues.
- Meeting The Success Stories Of The Study
- Getting An Exact Time Range Of How Long It Will Take To See Success
- Situations That Make Your Success Take Longer
Let’s go!
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizMeet The Success Stories Of Our Study
Over the years I’ve had hundreds of success stories but the fatal flaw with having that many success stories is that I don’t really get to know many of them.
Sure, I’ll get a pretty awesome email or facebook message in the group like this,
But the devil is really in the details.
How long did it take her to see success?
What did she actually do to see it?
As you can see, it really doesn’t help us for the purposes of this article.
So, I thought that before I started writing this article and citing all kinds of data you can’t quantify I’d change things up and only use data that you can quantify.
If you didn’t know, I have a YouTube channel and on that channel I have a specific playlist dedicated to the success stories of my program.
Pretty awesome, right?
Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to take nine of the success stories found there and look at how long it took them to see success.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHere were the results,
- Jessy (2 Months)
- Kelly (3 months)
- Mary (2 months)
- Sarah Michelle (3 months)
- Sarah Michelle Again (2 Months)
- Sophia (5 months)
- Jean (5 months)
- Aaron (2 months)
- Kris ( 7 months)
Again, if you’d like to watch what they had to say about getting their exes back you can simply visit my playlist here or subscribe to my YouTube channel.
Anyways, seeing the data in one place is one thing but what additional insights can we glean from it?
The Exact Time Range Of How Long It Should Take You To Get Your Ex Back
There are really two data points to keep in mind here.
The first is pretty straight forward.
Based on the data above our average success story took between 2 – 7 months to see results.
Of course, I do feel the need to point out the slight fly in the ointment.
This 2-7 month time range is only after they started working with me.
In other words, if they were broken up with their exes for five months before they started working with me then I didn’t count that time. I felt it was only fair to measure how long my process took to work.
So, the real timeline was probably a bit longer.
Think of it like an equation,
I was never really great at math but x + y = z is a little difficult to solve for when you only hold one part of the equation.
It’s kind of interesting, right?
You hold one part of the equation and I hold the other.
Working together we can solve for “Z” when you get your ex back hopefully.
Now, I do want to say that this process isn’t guaranteed.
I’ve been called a lot of things in my time but perfect isn’t one of them. My job is to give you the best chance possible at getting your ex back and usually it takes anywhere from 2 to 7 months to see results with my process.
However, it is not an exact science.
I am constantly refining and fine tuning it to make it as close to perfect as I can get it but perfection is always going to remain unattainable.
That just goes with the territory.
Oh, there is one more thing I’d like to discuss before I can move on and talk about some of the situational things that can add more time to your overall time frame.
A lot of you may be wondering what happens when you average the success stories in our study together.
Well, that is where things get interesting.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAs it turns out, when you average everything together it can potentially take you 3.4 months to get your ex back.
In other words, three and a half months is the average time it takes to see success with your ex after you start working with me or my team.
Again, I wouldn’t look at this like an exact science because it is not but generally speaking if you aren’t seeing progress after three and a half months then it might mean one of two things.
- It’s time to give up
- You are doing something very wrong
There are also other situational factors to take into account.
Situations That Make Your Success Take Longer
There were four big insights that I gleaned from doing this study.
Things that I never thought to take into account before this article.
In coaching calls one thing I always tell clients is that no two situations are created equally.
What works for one person may not work for someone else.
This sentiment also applies to the length of time it can take to see results.
For example, if you take these four factors into account you can get a gauge on if you are in for a shorter wait or a longer wait to see results.
- Situational Factors
- The Length of No Contact
- The Failure of No Contact
- Luck
Let’s take a moment to describe what I am talking about here.
Situational Factors
By far the longest time frame out of the data we used was seven months.
That was from our success story Kris,
The interesting thing about her story was the fact that she was in a long distance relationship.
Generally speaking, long distance relationships take longer to see results in because the distance present certain problems that aren’t present in other relationships.
So, if you find yourself in any of the following situations expect it to add some extra time to see results to your bottom line.
- Long distance relationships
- Being in a “full out” block
- You cheated on your ex
- They cheated on you
- Your ex is very unresponsive to you
These tend to be among the most difficult situations we encounter and ironically they also take the longest to see any kind of results in.
The Length of The No Contact Rule
Not all no contact rules are created equally.
If you read my book you’ll know that I am a huge proponent of three specific time frames when it comes to the no contact rule.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz- The 21 Day Rule
- The 30 Day Rule
- The 45 Day Rule
What no contact rule time frame you choose will directly impact how long it can take to see results.
The Failure of The No Contact Rule
Another thing I talk about in my book a lot is the fact that only around 20% of my clients actually get through a no contact unscathed.
What do I mean by that?
Well, I mean that they are able to complete the no contact rule without breaking it.
Wait, what happens when you break it?
We actually recommend that you start over which effectively can come close to doubling the amount of time you are in no contact for.
Luck
We’ve all heard the story of the person who was broken up with and then a few days later their ex magically came back into their lives.
In my experience, these people are the exception to the rule. Not the rule itself.
Basically they got lucky.
Sometimes it takes luck to get your ex back.
Never forget that.
Iz
October 29, 2023 at 1:51 am
I broke up with my ex of 2 months because I felt he wasn’t treating me right. It’s been 3 months since we’ve broken up. He’s accidentally texted me since, and texted me about rumors he’s heard I’ve started. The last text he’s ever sent was him saying how much he hates me. I still see him around and I miss him and want him back, but I don’t know how to get him to come back to me. There’s still something between us and we both know it. How do I get him to come back
Coach Shaunna
November 9, 2023 at 5:27 pm
Hi Iz, starting with a No Contact and be sure that you are not engaging in gossip or talking about your break up with others around you so that you know there are no words being twisted between you and others getting back to him. Your No Contact should be around 45 days where you give him time to stop feeling so angry about what you have apparently said and also space to get over the break up. I would suggest that you start reading Chris’ articles about being Ungettable and the Holy Trinity.
Stacy
September 30, 2021 at 12:58 pm
I dated my now ex for 5 years. We lived together for 4 and I found out right before I kicked him out that he was cheating on me for two months with someone 10 years older than him that he met at work. He is 27 and she is 37 with 3 kids. He told me a long time ago he could never date a women with kids and yet now he is. We had a good relationship up until February and we became distant and he said he loves me just not in love with me. After I kicked him out I begged and tried everything for 3 months to show him I was sorry for taking him for granted and saying I wouldnt go to his best friends wedding. He doesnt have social media but has blocked my phone number and emails. I have not done no contact yet but am not sure when he blocked everything so it may have been over 30 days. I did reach out again and we talked for about 20 minutes he asked that I leave him alone. Do I just need to let it go.
Joanne Tilling
September 6, 2021 at 11:33 am
My ex boyfriend left me after 4 months. And has got with someone already, will he come back?
Katelyn
August 14, 2021 at 5:43 pm
My boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years in a phone call while he was in a different city. He is now back in the same city as me but doesn’t want to see me right now. I thought the break up was caused by stress from the end of his degree but he’s back now and he still doesn’t want contact. However he still has me on all his social media and hasn’t blocked me. He lived with me and my family for nearly two years while he off and on did long distance. Is there still hope. We’ve been broken up for nearly a month now.
Wen
July 5, 2021 at 6:41 pm
Hi! My ex recently broke up with me, 4 years relationship but it was on and off. He was the one who always end things and it was due to various reasons for the past break ups – his personal issues and some of it was mine like certain behaviour he didn’t like. From the previous reconciliation, I was quite complacent and didn’t really put in the effort despite him telling me to save up for our future etc but I was still spending and not saving… I promise that I will change but I didn’t keep the promise. He got really fed up and he decided to end things.. On the day of the breakup, he said that he had a long and hard thought about us and felt our goals are very different and that we are better suited as friends. He even said like how he had gave his best for this relationship and that he is tired and wants to be alone… I’m currently doing NC, is there still chances of me getting him back? Is the situation salvageable? It is only till few days ago, I realise that I have to learn how to keep him in the relationship after we have gotten back together.. please help thanks
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 11, 2021 at 10:15 pm
Hey Wen, I would suggest that you need to read Chris’ articles about being Ungettable, you need to realise that you cannot keep your guy constantly chasing as you want to reach milestones and build a strong secure foundation in your relationship so that you are not always looking for ways to “keep” him.
Madi
April 17, 2021 at 7:26 pm
I was dating for 3.8 years …I broke up with him cause he started doubting. Within 6 days of breakup I had a fling he go to kn about it through my Instagram chat. He cried about it to me for moving on so easily…but actually I was too frustrated…I have been appologising to him since a month n asking him to let’s work on it again…gave him a months time to think about it but now he made it very clear he cannot forgive me or forget what happened its just the bond holding. He doesn’t want to get back. So I msgd him saying in the end I’ll be waiting for u cause my love is not that weak to let it go this easy…he said let’s see were end up.
Lucy
April 16, 2021 at 6:15 pm
My boyfriend and I were dating for 9 months and I had been sad and depressed for the last few months but was making efforts to get better and he decided to see it through. Just yesterday he decided to breakup because he said he didn’t love me anymore and he didn’t enjoy spending time with me and was miserable. He said he had been faking it for a few weeks and would rather spend his time with his friends. We’re in college and this was both of our first serious relationships. I still have his stuff at my place but we haven’t talked since. He deleted our picture on Instagram already and seemed happy to be on his own and break up. He said he didn’t think he would regret it and that he was excited to not be miserable anymore.
Tanner
March 17, 2021 at 6:11 am
I am having a really hard time with my ex. I know she is the one for me and we’ve proven that with our 1 1/2 year relationship we have been through a lot until I made a mistake of getting a little to upset and we got into an argument, I am trying to get her back but I don’t have any idea how to, Ik she still loves me and I would like to act before that love runs out.
Mima
February 28, 2021 at 12:46 pm
My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me a month ago because he needed to “sort himself out” and wanted to go back to being friends for a bit. He started uni in September, but I am on a gap year and stuck at home due to covid. I was supposed to go and visit him several times but the plans fell through due to restrictions. The last time I saw him was 4th January, and it was really good, he told me he loved me and we had a really good relationship. However then he went back to uni and I began panicking a little that he might find someone better than me at university and I voiced these doubts to him. He reassured me that he loved me and only me and missed me so much and couldn’t wait to see me again. A week after this conversation he broke up with me, saying he wanted to take a break but did not really elaborate. He didn’t block me on anything, but then I got a message from a mutual friend saying “have you seen his Instagram story?” And it turns out he had blocked me from his stories but not his social media and was posting photos with another girl at university. I was upset and angry and send a message to this mutual friend basically ranting that “he was obviously sleeping with her and couldn’t wait to get rid of me”. Unfortunately, I accidentally sent that message to my ex boyfriend who rightfully was very hurt and told me he wasn’t going to call me in a few days (like he’d said he would) and he didn’t want to talk anymore. I have been in NC since and it’s been really hard. About two weeks after our breakup I found out he was sleeping with this girl already and I feel as though somehow I drove him to it but accusing him of doing it in the first place? Anyway I still really want him back and it’s only been a month. Is there any hope at all? Thank you xx
Lisa
February 18, 2021 at 1:27 am
Hey! So basically I was pregnant and had started talking to this guy, he constantly asked to meet but we didn’t meet up until my baby was 2 months old, but we had been in contact the whole time until then. So anyways when we met we really hit it off, spend loads of time together, he sent me flowers religiously every Friday, our children met and we all spent loads of time together. He had told me about a girl he had previously slept with it happened to be his sisters friend. The only reason he told me about her was she was going to be at a party we would be at and he was worried she might bring it up to me. Then later he had been in her company 3 consecutive weekends and when I tried to speak to him about it, it became an argument. My previous relationship I was constantly cheated on so I feel sometimes I can be a big insecure but I tried to explain to him how I was feeling and he just felt like we had had a lot of drama and he was too old for drama. He did tell me he needed time to think about things we are still in contact and have been split up for 4 months now he says he still likes me but thinks what happened was just a bit crazy. Do you have any advice please.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 19, 2021 at 12:36 pm
Hi Lisa, I would suggest that you spend this time working on yourself so that you can build your self esteem – I get that being cheated on is hard to deal with in new relationships. But you have to remind yourself he has been honest with you about their past relationship – he chose to tell you. He could have hid this from you. And then when you started showing your insecurities he ended things because he wants an easier life. Give this article a read some of it could help you with your situation – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-things-that-women-do-that-can-cause-boyfriends-to-lose-interest-in-them/
Kristal
January 18, 2021 at 2:03 pm
Hi, my story is a bit messy. I had a 1 year relationship with my boyfriend. We had an argument and I broke up with him. He was chasing me for 5-6 months but I was doing my things, started seeing another guy and I got pregnant. The baby father disappeared but my ex was still there supporting me until today (it has been one year and a half since we broke up). Recently I have asked him to get back together because I still have feelings for him and I wanna be with him. He said he wants me but he is not happy with the situation si he needs time to think and make a decision. But he still wants to come to see me and to be in my life. It has been 4 months I asked him to get back together… he always telling me “I want you but I always wanted a woman with no kids, my heart wants you but my logic is telling me something else, I’m confused”
So I don’t know what to do anymore to get him back. I have been thinking of going on no contact but not sure if it would work? And for how long?? Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 18, 2021 at 9:07 pm
Hi Kristal, so this situation is pretty clear he does not want children in his life. Or at least not yet which is not ideal as you have your child now. If he does not want to get into a relationship with you, then you need to start focusing on moving on as this is not something he is going to change his mind about unless he thinks that he is going to lose you. I would suggest that you NC him and show him if he cannot accept you AND your child then he doesn’t get to play a big role in your life other than a distant friend until you are over him. Your NC should be the 30 day mark, and you need to work the Ungettable as much as you can.
jennifer
January 4, 2021 at 4:13 am
hi, I m under INC and he blocked me everywhere, I still wanna get him back but the process is hard. we broke up because I had depression and I m sad, i demonstrated bad temper. his parents sent messages to me not to find him and my parents said bad words to him but they do not mean it. I. feel super depressed but went on therapies since then, my inc ll end in feb and usually after inc, there are no chances?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 15, 2021 at 10:23 pm
Hi Jennifer, so you mention you’re following inc? this means indefinite = you don’t ever reach out. However, if you are following a longer term No Contact, I would suggest that you complete a 45 day or even 60 days if you feel you need more time to work on yourself, I would say that the main focus is that you work on your depression so that you are in a better mental place before reaching out to your ex. By working on yourself and doing so, means that you will show positive changes you have made without having to tell him that you have done so.
Diana Frochs
November 18, 2020 at 7:49 am
Hi! My bf of 2 1/2 yrs broke up with me 2 months ago. He said he had lost feelings and had doubts about us, but he didnt want to cut me out of his life completely. At first, he said he saw no point in talking to me about his doubts, but after the break-up he said he should have told me what was wrong before it was too late. He wanted to stay friends in the beginning, but after a month he asked me for some space before we could be friends. And yet, we still went out with friends on a few ocassions. We only talked once, and i apologised for my behaviour in the beginning of the break-up. Then he started talking about our families and our pets and he was smiling and seemed to enjoy talking to me, although it was a bit awkward.
The relationship ended on really good terms, we were rarely fighting. Before we broke up i was really stressed due to covid and family problems and i was taking it out on him. We were so good together and i want him back. Do I have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 12, 2020 at 8:27 pm
Hi Diana, I would say that if you want to get your ex back then you need to follow the rules of no contact for 45 days and work on yourself in that time. Then start reaching out with the texts that Chris suggests
Kali
November 13, 2020 at 9:41 pm
My ex and I dated for 4 1/2 years. I ended things with him 2 months ago and I’m just now starting to feel the pain and just now starting to work through it. I have an overwhelming amount of regret. I loved him when we broke up and I still do. I just thought that the problems I saw in the relationship were too much to fix and never gave it a chance. I regret not doing that. I want to try again but I know I need time to process the breakup still because I avoided it for so long. I’m just afraid that if I wait for myself to process what happened and move forward that I will have missed my chance to fix things.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 14, 2020 at 10:52 am
Hi Kali, so it is good that you acknowledged that you need to process your feelings, so use this is as day one of your No Contact and in 30 days time you can re assess how you are feeling
Marriana Morgan
September 23, 2020 at 11:43 am
My ex boyfriend and I dated for one and a half years. We’re 18 and we’re each other’s first relationship. We were serious, but things got very bad and our breakup was messy.
It’s been two months now since he’s left me. A couple of times we’d see each other at the gym. Last night I messaged him and I apologized for the mistakes I’ve done and he accepted it and replied back reassuring me that he has made mistakes to and that he’s sorry. Yesterday was our first and only contact so far.
I really miss and want him back. During the no contact period I was able to focus on myself and find things that brought me joy, but now that I have looked back in my relationship I’ve realized how much I love him and how lucky I was to be with him.
I want him back in my life and I want to make things right this time.
Ron
August 28, 2020 at 12:32 am
How do I get in contact with your team to potentially try and get my ex back??
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 11, 2020 at 7:51 pm
Hi Ron, you can post your situation here and I can reply with what I think is best moves to make. If you want one to one advice and coaching, hope over to our products and look at the coaching section.
Jen
August 15, 2020 at 10:20 am
Three weeks ago I found out that my boyfriend of 10 years has been living a double life. He has been living with someone else for 8 years and they recently got engaged. He managed to keep this from me the entire time. I had suspicions but he always managed to lie his way around them and made me believe him.
I managed to contact the other woman and told her everything. He confessed to her and she’s ditched him. He’s changed his phone number but we have been communicating via email. He’s been very formal and standoffish with me at times. We met up just over a week ago to talk. He said he wouldn’t give me his new number but might do in a year or so. He said he would keep his email line of communication open and if I really needed to see or speak to him, we could meet or he would find a way to call me. He insists we are over and he wants a fresh start. I still love him and want him in my life. Why would he keep a line of communication open if he wanted me out of his life? I’m really confused as he’s being abrupt and clear one minute and then saying we can meet again at the end of next week the other as I still have questions regarding the last 8 years. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 15, 2020 at 4:00 pm
Hey Jen this is a hurtful situation to go through and I know how it can turn your world upside down when you think you know someone. Honestly I think seeing him and asking him questions is not going to help you get over what he has done. You need to understand what he did was HIS DOING and not your fault. How he has manipulated the situation and kept you and most likely the other woman in the dark this whole time is just a clear sign of who he is as a person.
I dont recommend meeting him, I would suggest that you cut him out of your life for a long period of time so that you can focus on yourself and get over the break up and the betrayal that he has caused. You deserve better than being lied to and showing him how you do not need him in your life to be happy is the best outcome for you!
Robert Grant
August 7, 2020 at 10:23 pm
Thank you for responding so fast, so here is the problem what I feel ruined communication is texting back and forth its almost she cant handle having serious conversations face to face (we talked about it and she kinda agrees). she would text me page after page of stuff and I have to decipher and respond with every aspect of the text. She tells me its easier for her to process her thoughts this way but its really not a good way to communicate serious issues. She uses it as a shield and its really annoying but she sees my side of things on that point. don’t get me wrong she is highly intelligent so I know shes capable so I don’t think texting a lot will work. Texting ruined US….
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 7, 2020 at 10:33 pm
So I would change the way you text, don’t have heart to hearts via text. Send her jokes that you know she would find funny, or interesting articles. Avoid talking about emotions have interesting conversations. But considering this has just happened be sure that you take that step back first.
Robert Grant
August 7, 2020 at 2:08 am
I recently reached out to my ex after a year our 3rd and last break up due to her checklist for partners she wanted (she had a bad divorce so shes re-inventing herself). She is currently in a long distant relationship but when I contacted her she says she still loves and misses me so we arranged to go hiking and we talked and I got things off my chest and so did she and I showed her how far I’ve come. We had another meet up and we talked and did what came natural (cooked dinner, hung out, laughed did the things we did when we were together.) We decide to do a NC but no time limit so she can sort out her feelings. She told her BF the same thing i think…. We did have sex (which is one of the best parts of our relationship because we fit…) I’m not sure which NC contact to use 21 or 30 days…hell I did a 1 year NC I’m tired of waiting. I fixed the problems on my side and I know I need to gain her trust again…. Not sure what route to take
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 7, 2020 at 10:10 pm
Hey Robert, I would suggest that you go for the 30 day NC and start reconnecting through texting as much as you can before meeting. Try not to sleep with her until she is sure she wants to be with you or not though. I know that can be difficult when the person you want to be with wants sex. You just have to be set on getting the relationship back before anything else.
Dani
August 1, 2020 at 11:55 pm
Hi my ex and I wer together for 5 years engaged with two boys. I cheated on him and he broke it off. It’s been three months now since the break up and he calls to see the kids everyday. He is now seeing somone else and spending a lot of time with them. Is it too late and have I blown my chances. What should I do. I miss him so much
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 6, 2020 at 12:02 am
Hi Dani, I would say that you would have to follow the rules of limited no contact and then the being there method. As you cheated you may find that his trust in you is low so you are going to have to read articles about the being there method to show him you are the person he met and loved just that things had gotten strained in your relationship.