Exactly How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back- Based On Success Stories

92 thoughts on “Here’s How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back?”

Cody

July 17, 2020 at 7:32 pm

Never thought I would find myself here, but here I am! Here’s the back story, I was with my boyfriend for just shy of two years, we live about two hours apart and travelled back and forth constantly. He worked a 4 on 4 off schedule, so we essentially had half the week together every week. We have travelled many times together and really seem to be a great match… however during covid, I saw a shift in the relationship where he just seemed off. Mid-May he was supposed to come down on his block off (he’s a cop, I’m a teacher) he called last minute and cancelled. I was upset as I planned a special dinner, wasn’t mad just expressed that it bothered me. Texting ensued where he told me he needed a break. I didn’t see it coming at all! Beginning of June, he broke up with me stating he needed to work on himself. We lasted a couple weeks without contact. I reached out, and we decided to start talking daily and meeting once a week. The chats on the phone and texting were just fine, the struggle was in person interaction where we just seemed to get stuck in serious talks and neither of us seem to really validate what the other is saying… it’s like we’re trying to make our points but we aren’t getting back what we want/need. We ended up hooking up this week which I see was a mistake, it was great though. On Wednesday we agreed on 30 days of no contact, set ground rules of no dating others/dating profiles and spending the time to work on our mental/emotional and physical well being. We agreed on a time and day where we would meet to evaluate things. It’s only been a few days and it’s been hard. I have zero intentions of breaking the 30 days but it’s a struggle. I truly care about him, I know I’ll be fine if we don’t get back together, but I just can’t imagine us not being together. We just connected emotionally and physically and had so many things in common. My concern is how much time is going to pass and whether he will just decide it’s easier to move on than work on what we had. Our issues revolved around communication and his inability to express when something bothered him. During the breakup he told me about things I had said at different points and how he felt belittled. It made me feel like a terrible person but in the big picture, they were all such minor things in my mind that had no malicious intent behind them. What are the chances of him agreeing to couples counselling or trying to work through things after 30 days of no contact? He’s expressed he’s not ready for a relationship, which I respect but I also can’t just throw Away the last two years together. I want to take things slow and rebuild a stronger relationship built with communication and care for one another.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 9, 2020 at 11:32 am

Hey Cody, I would suggest that you understand if he is telling you that he does not want a relationship right now he is not going to be willing to go to couples counselling either. Following the program where you complete your NC and then start the texting phase so that you rebuild your connection is going to be your best best, while working the Ungettable information too.

Leslie

June 15, 2020 at 5:45 pm

Ive been trying to get my ex bk of 5 anf a half years for almost one month now weve been talking but all of a sudden she started to get cold and disse t what do i do??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 15, 2020 at 7:30 pm

Hi Leslie, read some texting articles and also the articles about hot and cold behavior on this website it will help you understand his actions

Dani

June 11, 2020 at 1:28 pm

Hi I posted a comment on here last week and it’s not been published 🙁 I really would love to hear you guys reply to it to figure out what to do next. I’m still in no contact and intend to do indefinite no contact unless he contacts me first. He is still following me on instagram, watches my stories every day and I’m working on being unbeatable! It’s been nearly 2 weeks since we broke up

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 14, 2020 at 9:48 pm

Hi Dani, even though it feels like its been a long time, you need to stick with NC for at least 30 days. However, waiting for him to reach out first means that you are not going to be following ERP program. There are articles that help you compose your first reach out after you have completed NC

Dani

June 3, 2020 at 8:50 am

Me and my partner of 8 months broke up 5 days ago rather suddenly. I haven’t seen him for 10 weeks due to the coronavirus lockdown and we live 2 hours apart, but we always saw each other every weekend prior to the lockdown. We have been making the most of calls / text / video chat as much as possible and 2 weeks ago I noticed he wasnt putting as much effort in, so I asked him on Saturday night over the phone what was up. He told me although he loves me, he wasnt in love with me anymore and had doubts about our relationship, such as where we would live in the future, and doubted our compatibility. He told me he had only felt this way for 2 weeks, despite the fact I haven’t seen him for 10 weeks, we have never had an argument, or even a disagreement. He does suffer with occasional bouts of depression where he shuts down and goes quiet on me every now and then. But I give him a few days space and he comes back with his normal self. I find it bizarre as prior to the current situation our relationship was fantastic. We had so many things in common, had so much laughter, fun, happiness and a great sex life. Literally the perfect relationship and he said he was always so happy. When I asked him if he felt in love / attracted to me etc before the lockdown, he said yes, and that he still feels attracted to me, but doesnt feel in love anymore.. I have tried to assure him that things would surely go back to normal when normal life resumes and he probably feels distant to me as we haven’t seen each other in person in 2 and a half months. 🙁 he said he didnt want to get my hopes up incase he didnt feel the way he used to. Its baffling me. He’s not even willing to try. He is quite close to one of my friends who spoke to him since, who seems to think I should give him some space and time and hopefully that will allow him to realise that the relationship was not the problem. Its heartbreaking that he seems so willing to throw away so much, for something that seems to fixable. I kept calm on the breakup phone call and assured him I feel as though its just the lockdown making him feel this way. But I respect his decision although I disagree that it’s the right thing to do. He told me he needed me in his life as a friend, as he loves spending time with me, but he doesnt miss “the boyfriend stuff” such as sex, kisses, affection etc. I told him that he doesn’t get it both ways and I refuse to be friendzoned. It would be too painful. This seemed to shock him as he went quiet on the call. I told him he knew where I was if he changed his mind. I also said i would give him some time to think things through and that the door was left ‘ajar’ but it wouldn’t stay open forever. I’m under no illusion I’m a catch. I’m a successful, attractive, funny person with lots of love to give and he is a fool for letting me go.

Other than no contact, I’m trying to better myself, losing some weight and spending time trying to make myself happy during this tough situation.

I took your quiz and I’m at 74% for him changing his mind.

What’s the likelihood of this, in your opinion that he’ll realise he made a huge mistake, or should I not get my hope’s up?

Please help Chris and team!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 14, 2020 at 7:42 pm

Hey Dani, so you need to follow the program stages and the advice given for you to have that chance. Following No Contact, it needs to be at least 30 days where you then work on your Holy Trinity and focus on gaining the Ungettable mindset

Stacy

May 5, 2020 at 12:38 am

Its been almost a month of doing no contact and he hasnt reached out . plus he’s been blocking and unblocking me on instagram

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 5, 2020 at 10:49 pm

Hi Stacy, if your ex keeps blocking and unblocking you he is watching your activity and blocking you again so that he does not have to see it when he feels he can not deal with seeing you do well. I would suggest that you use a different platform than Instagram to reach out so that he does not block you as soon as you message him. I would also extend your NC to 45 days

Amanda

April 22, 2020 at 6:41 am

My boyfriend of almost 12 years cheated on me and when I gave him a chance he said he was done. I begged at first, on the third month or trying to convince I started the no contact rule. I think at week two he contacted me and then at week four. But to talk about nothing related to us about some debts we had together. But he spoke to me on Sunday about making it clear that we are not getting back together. I told him I was very aware of that. Should I start NC again?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 25, 2020 at 11:03 am

Hi Amanda, yes you should restart your NC and stick to 45 days for now – and if it is something you both need to discuss such as the debt then I would then suggest you keep it ad cordial as you can sticking to the subject only and then back into a NC. Work on your Holy Trinity during this time and make sure you are doing things that are going to make your ex see you in a different light – for example if you said you were always going to start training but never did. Start now. And use social media to show your progress.

Nagham

February 6, 2020 at 10:40 pm

I need help trying to get my ex back, we were together for almost two years and now I think he’s with a girl

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:43 pm

Hey there work the No Contact information and read about being there method

Sincerity

October 6, 2019 at 7:37 pm

Thank you so much for your reply, Shaunna!
I did NC for 3 weeks and then he reached to meet up but we never did because he started to be reluctant (clearly wanted to see if I am still available). Now after discovering a website I see that I should have waited for at least a month. Now because I have started texting already in your experience would it be better to go again in no contact or keep texting from time to time? But then he still knows I am there hanging…
He is positive when I text him (probably wants to stay friendly) but nothing more. I have invited him to meet last week – he said let’s see.. but then he cancelled. Nothing this week. It seems I am in limbo for around 2 months. I keep working on myself and improving (becoming UG) and am very cool with him: can’t meet no probs at all…
But then it’s just seems I am doing all the work (working on myself, approaching him, initiating the meet up etc)..I want to show him I have improved..but how if I don’t see him…
Do you think I need to start dating may be so I don’t have this desperate ‘in limbo’ vibe (men feel when you are still emotionally there isn’t it)?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 7, 2019 at 8:40 am

Hi Sincerity,

So the good points;
You’re working on yourself to be UG,
You’re reading the articles on the website (Also go watch some videos by Chris on YouTube)
You are getting positive, friendly texts from your ex
Absolutely yes start dating, keep it casual and make sure you post subtle hints that you are dating on SM

Not so great points;
You’re asking fro a meet up way too soon still
Don’t rely on NC to save you – Its worked enough for him to want to talk to you as a friend for now
It does not matter who initiates the conversation, it matters who ENDS the conversation – you need to learn about the Peak/End rule when texting 🙂

Sincerety

October 2, 2019 at 10:33 pm

Hi EBR,
So I really would like to hear your opinion. My boyfriend of 2 years took a break. I have implemented nc for 3 weeks he reached out wanted to meet (to actually break up) and then disappeared. I have tried to use your text messages as prescribed: nothing. Neutral responses and reluctance to meet (for around 3 weeks now). Even though in the first place he initiated. So what shall I do now in your opinion? Keep texting or NC?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 3, 2019 at 10:13 pm

Hi Sincerety, how long did you do the NC for? Did you work on becoming Ungettable in that time? Did you alter yourself and your life in anyway?

The texts that he is responding to, even though they are neutral that is a good thing, you wont get a loving message straight away, you are at the bottom of his value chain right now, texting is about working that ladder to get closer to him again as if he was a new person you were getting to know. Remember you are starting a new foundation for a relationship with him, not going back to your old one

June

September 23, 2019 at 12:26 pm

Hi,

My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month ago. We were in a relationship for almost 3 years. He lost his feelings for me without telling me and in the end I forced him to talk to me and then he broke up with me. The last time I spoke him was 2 weeks ago. It wasn’t a long conversation, only that I loved him and miss him so much and he responded with that he didn’t know what he could do and that I understood so i replied: Yes, it was stupid from me to say this, I know you need your space too and I hope that you will achieve everything you ever want and I also hope that we will be together one day. Our relationship was good. We didn’t had major problems, the only problem was that he lost feelings for me. I know that I have to let him be and that I have to move on. But based on what I said, do I have a chance to get him back? How long will it take?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

September 23, 2019 at 4:47 pm

Hey June, so yes you have a chance of getting him back, but there is no way to tell you how long it will take. Now that CHANCE of getting him back depends on you and how you follow the program starting with a no contact. There is so much information through this website and how to deal with break ups along with products to help better your chances too also the YouTube channel. Make sure you make the most of all the information to give it your best chance 🙂

Beandon

August 28, 2019 at 6:28 am

im a 19 year old guy from nyc I was recently dating an 18 year old girl we were in a long term relationship almost made it to a year. I really love this girl and we had such a big connection we would y’all about our future together we would talk about getting married together living together after college all of that. In the month of July we argued a lot and we were on and off on our relationship this made me mad and heartbroken. I ended up hitting up these two girls on tinder I never contacted them ever again outside of tinder after I exchanged a few messages with them. Never even exchanged number nothing. I regret doing it, I would never cheat on anybody so I stopped myself. Long story short I forgot to delete the app and my girl ended up opening it while I was in the bathroom she case at me for it and she broke up with me saying I cheated on her. I told her the truth that I never hit these girls up outside of that never met them or anything but she still claimed it as cheating and broke things off. She blocked me on everything Recently she’s been calling me every 2-3 days just to “talk” but she done it repeatedly where we’ve talked for hours on end. The blocked me on everything expect for Instagram so I would at least be able to message her. Last Wednesday The 14 she called me at 4 am and apologized for how she cursed at me and how she treated me. She ended up staying on the phone and said “I love you” and hung up later that day her grandmother had died and she never told me I had to find out through a friend that has her on Snapchat. Her grandmother raised her so the loss is even more tragic. I texted her the next day apologizing for what had happened and that me and my family will pray for her and her family to recover. I asked politely if I can go to the funeral she said no that I mess everything up and that she hates me. She then proceeded to block me on Instagram now I have no way of communicating with her. She hasn’t called me yet it’s been a couple of days I’m just really worried about her , I love her so much and I just want to be there for her give her a hug and tell her everything is going to be okay. I should mention my college is right next to her house and her job. Her college is also near mine. I could really use some advice on what I should do. Should I go visit her at her job ? Should I wait for a call ? Any advice would be helpful thank you and please upload this on askhodgettwins.
cristina

July 29, 2019 at 11:07 pm

Hi Chris
I was with my ex for a year we were so happy. He posted a picture of us to celebrate our anniversary and someone messaged me and said he had messaged her and was flirting with her pretty provocatively. I confronted him and he admitted to it. I said I wanted to move forward together and he agreed and said losing me would make him crazy but then he wouldnt meet up with me or talk on the phone about the situation then a day later broke up with me over text saying he didn’t want to be with me anymore and our spark was gone and its best we move forward. I feel like he was irrational and scared to fight for the relationship. I miss him so much. I have done no contact from the beginning and haven’t spoken with him for 11 days. I still believe we can make it work but it just seems like he’s given up on us. I removed him from all social media as i need to heal and want to try to move on if he doesn’t come back but he still has me on Instagram.
what to do

July 4, 2019 at 3:29 am

I could use some input, please. I’ve known my ex for over 30 years, we became best friends, then started dating (long distance) and were so deeply in love. Talked about being together forever, made future plans, even started the beginning stages of starting a business together. We got into a few arguments (4 over the course of a year), the most recent one was 2 weeks ago and was pretty bad- not yelling or name calling type bad, just heavy and went on and on. He broke up with me in a nice, calm manner and we talked about a few observations he had about triggers I’ve been holding onto from childhood (sexual abuse, mom died, etc). We ended it nicely and he said he wants to stay best friends because he “loves me and loves my heart”. (I did make a mistake of trying to talk about the potential of getting back together in the future after I work on myself). He said it might not be permanent, but also told me to go into therapy and everything I had planned as if it is permanent. We talked a few times after that, very friendly everything was fine, and now we’ve been NC for one week. I started therapy for my childhood stuff and really working on improving myself in every way, not for him, but would still love for it to go that route. The thing is, we already had plans for me to fly out to visit him for 8 days about 5 weeks from now (so about 7 weeks post break-up and I already have my plane ticket). He said he still wants me to come because “it will be fun”. How should I proceed? Also, he still has us listed in a relationship on Facebook. What should I do? I’m so totally confused if he’s moving on or if he’s waiting to see if I make improvements.
Nicole Weber

May 23, 2019 at 7:10 pm

My boyfriend of 2 years who lived with me for the last 11 months as well broke up with me a week ago because he felt suffocated however he didn’t tell me and I woke up on the Friday thinking he was doing his laundry to look down our tiny studio apartment hallway and see his 4 friends coming in and taking everything that was his. His blocked me on everything and I haven’t heard from him since. I have never been so devestated as we had an abortion together and after doing counselling like he suggested I do to transform my mindset months ago the last few days I have acknowledge how I can change for the future but he gave me so many chances to change my actions that made him feel suffocated and now he doesn’t believe I can change anymore. This is coming from a man who everyone knows has the biggest heart so that is making it even harder on me. He said in old cards to me how I made such a big impact on his life and how I am one of a kind and my smile melts his heart etc. He had plans only 2 weeks ago to spoil me for my birthday which is in a week but I ruined it by being obnoxious and not considerate of his space. I just wish he gave me the chance to prove I am making those changes because I am filled with such regret pushing something that was so good for me away.
Fel

April 9, 2019 at 11:41 pm

Hi Chris,
Thankful to have found your page

My boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago,
Our relationship were great at the beginning, we had lots of fun time together.
But things start to change his attitude towards me became colder and wasn’t treating me as like before.
My relationship had been on and off.
With exchange words and arguments that hurt us.
This isn’t the first time, he wanted to end things with me.
And the previous time he was the one who bring it up too. But, the next day he come pleading me and say he wouldn’t want to lose me and he need me and even apologise for the things he said with a promise.

But things start to repeat again, and he call it to end. And told me he want to focus on his career.

We haven’t been talking and he hasn’t been responsive to my text. Is it really over?
What can I do to bring this back
Cher

March 31, 2019 at 3:30 pm

I broke up with my ex boyfriend about a week ago. We were on a fight and I suggested it, but after a week I regretted that and I asked him back. He insisted being friends is better for me and for both of us. I counted this conversation as the real break-up.

We had lots of fights about living together – I want to but he doesn’t. I regretted forcing him to do that and I want to take back every mean things I have ever said to him. Every time I asked to break up (bad habit!), he would ask me back, but since this time he insisted being friends for more than three days already, I know he’s dead serious.

Is there still a chance to be back together? My gut feeling tells me that since he’s German, there’s no way he will ever change his mind, but I want him back so badly.

He initiated that we stay friends and he said he will try his best to be a good friend because he still wants to support me in my dreams and plans etc. I refused and I said I don’t think it’s a good idea to stay friends, partly because I don’t think it’s healthy for me to move on like that.

I miss him a lot, and I love him so much. I know he still have feelings for me, but he said he doesn’t think we will work since many things he did will hurt me, and the issue of living together is not something that can be fixed. I love him so much that I think everything can be fixed, but he doesn’t want it anymore.

Should I still go through the plan?

Chris Seiter

March 31, 2019 at 7:46 pm

I do think there is a better than average chance, Cher. Best to implement sensible ex recovery plan. So tap into my Program as it can help you a lot during this post breakup period!

S

March 4, 2019 at 9:49 am

Hi Chris

My ex and I officially broke up over two years ago, but were on and off for a long time and it has now been 7 months since we last spoke. Full NC. He blocked me on everything, I deleted his number. We had been on and off so many times, it just felt like it needed to end. We both moved to different places. I have no idea how he’s been doing, but I met new people, traveled, learned new skills, had new experiences – had the best time of my life. Truly. I am so much happier with myself and my life than I’ve ever been before.

But I still think about him all the time, and I miss him. Despite everything that happened, I still love him more than anything. Given our on-again-off-again thing that lasted over a year, and the fact that we live in different cities now, and that we literally haven’t spoken in months, I don’t think the typical method suggested here would work. Honestly, I’m not sure if anything would work. It might be completely hopeless, but I just wanted to ask. Do you see any situation in which we might be able to start over?

Chris Seiter

March 4, 2019 at 11:12 pm

Hi S…Yes, I agree. I don’t think the typical measure will gain much traction. Sometimes its best to detach from the ex and move forward on your own path. Sometimes these guys who are stubborn and standoffish will come to see things differently with the passage of time. Its happened before. No guarantees, but one needs to move forward with their on life, though you need not completely sever the tie in the event he resurfaces.

Hi

January 22, 2019 at 6:37 pm

Hi,
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We said that we still wanted to remain good friends and continue texting and seeing each other. However, so far every time I have asked him to hang out, he has either not responded or said he couldn’t hang out. I have also noticed that his replies to my texts have become rarer and now I have not heard from him in over a week. I have texted him several times since the last time we spoke, which seemed to be a normal conversation, and he has not responded. He did say at one point that he wasn’t going to answer every time but it seems odd that he appears to have suddenly cut all contact. Could he have blocked me or is he intentionally ignoring me? I’m not sure what to think. I know I made some mistakes after we broke up, getting emotional and sending too many texts and complaining that we weren’t talking and hanging out as much as we said we would. Is there still a chance things will get better? Thank you for any help you are able to provide.
Steph

January 21, 2019 at 2:30 am

Does this timeframe apply after a second breakup?
Both breakups were out of the blue! The first time was after two years. This time after one year with no official label.

Chris Seiter

January 21, 2019 at 3:47 am

Hi Steph! Yes, I do believe the principles, concepts, ideas, and tactics apply for many people and many situations, across time. Even if its is the second time around.

Pet

January 12, 2019 at 9:29 pm

Hi Chris. My bf of 2 years (1 yr spebt outside the country) broke up with me like two months now, we had a distant relationship, he travelled for one year only to come back and not be the same person anymore. He complained about alot of things i did and so when he came back he was in a rather sad state towards me. We live in different cities but i went to see him for like a week when he got back but that stay was filled with so much tension between us, he hardly even connnected with me like before. I left the city and he refused me ever visiting him again. Our communication kept deteriorating, things kept getting worse, he started hanging out with other girls, i’d ask why and he’d say he’s trying to move on until finally he bailed out on me. I went as crazy, begging (ive being doing this even before he broke up cause I already knew things were about to come to an end), crying, pleading but all was to no avail. I went to his city unannounced, he came out to see me but sent me back immediatly the next day saying he was sorry but he was already seeing someone else. I realized he was really angry for some of my actions while he was away. I came back to my city but kept buzzing him, disturbing him and crying. Until one day he told me off so badly over the phone saying there was no “us” i finally decided to go NC on him for 23 days n that 23rd day was christmas so he wished. Before then he was always viewing my story, liking my posts on instagram. So on christmas day, he wished me n it hurt so bad, before then i had totally ignored him cause he sent me a text the next day after being so harsh saying his decisions are based on him not wanting to put me into a life I could not fully express myself so its better it becomes a failed relationship than a failed marriage. He says events have shown that the career path i might choose are things he might not approve of but these I know are not true cause that i loved doing some certain things didn’t mean they had to define my career path and satisfaction. He didn’t just want to understand that. He still reached out 3 days again after telling me off by sending me an opportunity he thought might interest me, i still ignored him. So finally on christmas he wished me, after a day i replied him. On new year he did sane thing, i replied him then i reached out days later saying i needed us to see if he came visiting his parents at my city where they stay. Meanwhile he already told the mother who was very much in love with me that things were no more working out and the mother stayed away from me and called to tell me she loves me but if the son is beginning to say otherwise, i should rather let him be. I couldn’t take all of these. It was too much for me. So it happened that he came into my city on the 2nd, travelled to the village and never told me he came around only for me to chat him up on the 9th and he told me he was around but has being busy and that we could see me the next day. I realised the next day that he was already leaving and asked that I come to the airport to see him briefly. I didn’t need briefly i needed time to talk. It hurt me so much, but when I got there and asked if he wasn’t going to tell me he came around after i asked he should. He said no that he would have but that it was a matter of emergency that he left. He was all flirty with me at the airport, told me he missed me and when i asked if he was happy he said he didn’t know but he was fine. Emotions were all high between us and one could see that the attraction was still very strong he said so himself but that he had done somethings he seems not to be able to undo by seeing someone else. It happened that he moved on to a new girl at his office and they were already seeing eachother. I felt so disappointed and hurt cause I waited for him for a whole year for him to come back and do this.. He said he couldn’t do anything about it but that we could still be friends that things happen for a reason. He kept holding my hands, i could tell he missed me, he apologised for his bad behavior after the break up and said he’s really scared he might interfere so much in my career as to controlling my future and leading me to a state of discontent. He kept calling me babe through out the time we were together abd even when we texted later that day. He texted me very well that day but has not since he got back to his city. I don’t know what to do I really do love this guy and would want to spend my life with him but he feels so far away now. Chris please advice me.. Should i keep up chatting him up or let him be.

Chris Seiter

January 13, 2019 at 6:27 am

I would keep the lines of communication open and if you have not yet done so, pick up my eBook as its will help you along the way!

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92 thoughts on “Here’s How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back?”