Exactly How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back- Based On Success Stories

92 thoughts on “Here’s How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back?”

Nicole

January 10, 2019 at 12:22 am

Hi
About 2 weeks ago me and my boyfriend had fight and stopped talking to each other because of the ego. We’ve been dating for months and he was so in love with me he wanted to shout to the world. He was always the one who tooked the first step after fights so I think he had enough. After 3 days he unfriended me everywhere but made his instagram profile public so I could see him also because I hated if he would do that. He didn’t delete my number or blocked me on whatsapp so one night I texted him asking why he’s so angry and full of hate because we could work that out. He replied with short cold answers but since I know him very well he was acting so I would feel bad too and said that we’d better end it there. Even tho he couldn’t stay a moment without me. I’m a very cold nature and he’s romantic, caring so I can say that he felt kind of inferior in relationship. Later that day we’re both online after midnight then he suddenly blocked me on whatsapp. He is acting very childish but I think he’s hurt even tho he denied it. Now he posts storied with his girl bestfriends acting like he’s hanging out with other girl. I guarantee that he’d never done it before. He’s a matured person so he’s acting out of his way. Why do you think he does that and it’s there a chance that he would come back in your opinion? Based on the fact that we were so in love and it happened suddenly

Chris Seiter

January 10, 2019 at 1:45 am

Hi Nicole…lots of guys do and say foolish and childish things to get attention. Best of have a sensible plan. You have my 485 page eBook Pro, right?

Ashely

January 8, 2019 at 6:15 pm

Dr. Chris,
First of great article this is a reworks look on what goes on. Well I probably the biggest mess on this site! I lost my husband of 15 years when he found out about my boyfriend of a year! After being turned away by my husband initial. Classic neediness set in and trust issue set in with the boyfriend! I meet him on a dating/hook up site… probably main problem! My husband and I hadn’t been intimate in a year and I was losing it so I reach out to this site. No excuse my actions! The bf and I at first made it all about sex and nothing else…. of course feels began and I started spending more time with him and his friends! He told me how much he cared, wanted me and hated that was married! But never asked me to end it! At that point I was selfish and I wanted both worlds! He was an escape from my family! After all said and done my husband is willing to make it work! I lost my feeling or they are displaced for him! I want my boyfriend back! But after separating from my husband! I grow crazy clingy! I never lived alone! Plus we had a break up period of a month and the BF had a hook up with an ex! And I went jealous crazy! But then realize how would I put that on him…. I am the married one and i said it was ok! He had obviously ended by what the note had said. I was at his place and came back and there was a note of the door from his hook up. My BF is still talking to me but it not the same…. and hasn’t been in awhile! I think I broke it! I am the texting 3:1 and for sure have trust issues! It’s a crazy mess! I want him back … Any suggestions

Chris Seiter

January 8, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hi Ashley!

Thanks for your kind words.That is indeed a complex tale.It’s getting convoluted. Perhaps you need to take some alone time and just reflect on the things in your life that make you happy and fulfilled and decide what path you wish to take that will lead you more in the direction of achieving those things. Sometimes we need time to find our deepest feelings that lie inside us.

Marina Hibberd

December 28, 2018 at 5:43 am

Hi Chris,
I met my ex bf 3 years ago and 2 years ago in November his dad was diagnosed with cancer and and at that time he pushed me away,not communicating with me, not going out. In March 2017 we broke up. I didn’t speak to him for 3 weeks in April 2017and we had a big argument end of May 2017 and I cut him he came back after 6 weeks. I had a anxiety breakdown in that time. I started to get better then he cane back. We was going to see how we got on. We did get back together in September but then his dad got worse and the same pattern happened again. I felt like he could never be honest with me and I didn’t know where I stood as he kept saying let’s see how it goes and no commitment and I kept asking what are we and would argue. I had a gynaecology operation for endometriosis on December the 7th and am still recovering. 4 days before that had my auntie’s funeral and was a big part of my life and has affected me but know she’s not in pain now. He didn’t support me over it then 9 days post operative told me he don’t love me anymore and knew for about a month. Said was fed up with the amount of texts I sent and the arguments. But he would never respond and I would get more anxious and upset and stressed which isn’t like me. I’ve not txt him for 4 days so I can have some time for me to sort myself out as he’s really broken my heart again.
I think when he don’t get any attention he comes crawling back. I’ve tried to be amicable and be friends and to be nice to each other like adults. I feel he blows hot and cold with me and gives me mixed messages. I feel so hurt and confused. He said would help me with my pets and not even seen me or asked me how I am recovering after my operation. I was in hospital for 3 days and didn’t even see visit me till I got home.

This some things he said to me.

I don’t think it’s wise to see each other over xmas
Let’s see ok I’m not promising anything ok
To much has been said to be civil
Your going to make it worse aren’t you there’s no easy way and staying in contact won’t solve anything
I won’t be meeting you
Nothing to say let’s just move on i explained the other night why.
Inthink all the arguments over the past ten months or longer have just made us grow apart. Yes maybe I should of told you sooner that I didn’t love you. As I said my main focus is my dad.
I don’t think we’re ever be amicable to much has gone on sorry.
Can you just leave me be please I don’t no if to meet over Christmas the more you start texting the less likely I will meet.
I told you I’ll meet next year.
Ky

December 27, 2018 at 8:38 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke things off somewhat mutually about 3-4 months ago. Mainly because it was long distance and other petty factors. It was hard for me. I tried hard convincing him. He means a lot to me. we didn’t talk for those 3-4 months. But we stayed in each other’s social media feeds and liked each other’s posts and watched each other’s stories. A week ago he unfollowed me. I ended up wishing him a merry Christmas and got a nice text back. I kept it light and then I said how I apologize for how things went down. He said it was fine and that it was mutual. Just that he doesn’t know if this could work cause of his busy sceduale and long distance. I said I understand but I wanted him in my life and that I missed talking to him. And then told him of something funny that reminded me of him to keep it fun. Haven’t heard back. What do I do? Has he written me out of his life and just doesn’t want to tell me he’s done with me?

Chris Seiter

December 28, 2018 at 4:07 am

Hi Ky!

I think its too early to try no contact. Continue to try to rebuild communications, but think in terms of little steps. Avoid trying to hash out relationship topics. Just keep things positive, showing kindness. But go slow and allow him to get re-calibrated.

Hi

December 27, 2018 at 8:02 pm

I did no contact and when I reached out he was really responsive, we talked for a couple days catching up and I thought things were heading in a good direction but now we barley talk. We do talk everyday and it’s usually him that initiates the conversation but when I answer his text, he doesn’t respond. Sometimes I will text him first and he always answers but then once I reply again, he doesn’t respond. It’s been exactly a week today since I first reached out and I understand it’ll take time to get back to where we were, but I don’t see how that can even happen at this point when we’re barley talking. I think the most confusing part is that he initiates or always answers my initial text, but never puts in effort to keep it going so I’m not sure why he even bothers to text/answer me. Should I just wait it out and see what happens or should I be straight forward with him next time he texts me and tell him where I want this to go and that if he doesn’t want that he should stop texting me?

Chris Seiter

December 27, 2018 at 8:40 pm

Give it some more time and if things don’t improve, you may want to have that heart to heart conversation to explore where he stands.

Emily

December 27, 2018 at 12:55 am

today I ran into my ex, he was trying to talk to me but I acted cold towards him and he noticed the change right away. I did it because he’s hiding things from me and doesn’t think I know. Is he going to hate me now?? I don’t like acting that way and I never have but im really tired of him always trying to see right through me. I want him to realize what he’s missing out on, but he’s in a relationship now. Are our chances of being back together 0 to none? I’m upset with myself acting that way, it hurt me to act like that but I think it’s time for him to realize that he really hurt me, and I still care.

Chris Seiter

December 27, 2018 at 3:45 am

Hi Emily!

Probably best if you have an ex recovery plan to better your chances.That’s what I offer to folks here in the form of my eBooks which serve as comprehensive Companion Guides. I knows it hard to juggle all the mixed feelings post breakup.

Riku

December 25, 2018 at 4:11 am

Hi Chris,
Reaching out to you cause you seem to have more of a glide path to these situations. I’m unsure if I broke up with him or he broke off with me, we were in a relationship for a year as a couple but initially we started as best friends. To make it short there were many arguments mostly because my mother did not agree with the relationship, Him always acting selfish (felt he didn’t make me a priority vs me making him a priority)and work. He is very kind, but at times I felt he was with me to pass time, anyways in September he mentioned to me that there was a girl at his job that was flirting with him and she made him aware of it, I paid it no attention cause I trusted him to later find out 2 weeks later that he during the times we weren’t together he was going out with her, kissing and having inappropriate conversations via WhatsApp. I confronted him, he said he would cut everything with that woman but I learned later on that he did not. We got into a huge argument were he said he was tired and didn’t want to be in the relationship cause if he did the other girl will no longer talk to him.Chris, I want to know, was any of the time we spent together to any value to him and if could I win him back?

Chris Seiter

December 25, 2018 at 11:48 pm

Hi Riku!

Breakups and aftermaths are often confusing. You will likely benefit from taking a long break from him, focusing on your healing and recovery after what he has done. The idea is to also cause him to come to appreciate more that time you spent together and value it. My Program gets into all of this and more.

Mia

December 24, 2018 at 5:34 am

My ex and I had a super messy break up, we started off amazing and lasted a year and 6 months. There was drama from his family and I kind of got sick of it and started to retaliate, he let his mother be way too invasive in our relationship and it drove me nuts. Some extremely big things happened where I needed his support and his mother took it away. She once told him he couldn’t talk to me unless I had an abortion (were 20 btw) and just so much nonsense. I started to fight back but eventually gave up and started to drift away from him. He wouldn’t get his own car or phone which also drove me crazy. Eventually when I started to pull away he started to do cute things like bring me flowers and what not, he started being active in the relationship but never committed fully. Fast forward, I found out he lied about so much and when I got mad, he just changed his number so I just decided to do the 30 day no contact, I’m on day 22, blocked him on everything and then I unblocked him, out of curiousity, last night & saw he made a post about how wrong I wasn’t for him and he cut me off and blah blah blah, is it even worth it? We have had amazing moments but I feel like he just doesn’t want to grow up. What do I do? And did he make the status because no contact is working or? I have a child of my own and he was important to both of us but I’m not sure anymore

Chris Seiter

December 24, 2018 at 10:51 pm

Hi Mia….yep….drama that is helped triggered by family can be some of the worst. Your ex does seem to be demonstrating some immature behavior after all this time. Or it may be he is holding on to some resentment.

At the very least, I would suggest you continue your No Contact, but make your focus the recovery/healing side of the NC principle. I talk about this in great detail in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”.

Anissa

December 22, 2018 at 7:30 pm

One day I seen my ex he completely ignored me cold. I felt more broken. I found out he already got a girlfriend after a month of our breakup. I’ve been doing a lot better I graduated, got a new job & been keeping busy. Surprisingly he congratulated me. I seen him the next day & also was surprised he came up to talk to me since he last acted like a jerk. He seemed happy for me & he said it was nice seeming me. He’s been keeping tabs on me as well but blocks me from his posts. I realize I’m still not over it I don’t know why I still have this hope he’ll come back.. it’s been 3 months. I don’t want to be just friends knowing he’s with someone. It hurts.

Chris Seiter

December 23, 2018 at 4:14 am

Hi Anissa! I am so sorry you feel broken. But you can pick up the pieces and heal. I have a lot of resources on my site and a great deal of help I offer in my eBooks that can help you in the healing department and with your recovery efforts

Melody E

December 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

Hi,
My boyfriend of 9 months left me a week ago. We have had 3 other break ups (all due to the same reason – little arguments in general) over those 9 months but we work through them and he’s back in the relationship within a couple days. We were also living together for the past few months and talked about marriage in the future.
This time seems different. He’s been more cold but has answered my calls and we talk for over an hour. I tried to go without contact but I break down after 24 hours. He says he still loves me but I crossed the line during our last fight when he was drunk and angry and kept putting his fingers on my mouth to make me stop talking and I told him to stop. He wouldn’t calm down and I refused to leave he then tried making me leave and threatened to call the cops and I said I would call them if he put his hands on me aggressively(which he never has and I never thought he would – just wanted to say something to get his attention). Apparently me threatening his character like that was the last straw. He brought up all the little argument from the past and said all that made him leave. We saw each other twice since the break up to exchange our things and he kissed me twice. After the second time he told me to not read into it. He doesn’t want to date anyone else or anything like that – he just wants to be alone and not fight with someone because it reminds him of his childhood when his now divorced parents would fight.
He’s been very sweet and loving but finally said we had to stop talking because it wasn’t helping either one of us and I told him the ball eas in his court now whether or not we talk later. He said he’s for sure done but doesn’t know what the future holds.
What do I do? I can’t sleep, I can’t stay at my house because everything reminds me of him and it hurts too much.
Help!

Chris Seiter

December 23, 2018 at 4:16 am

Hi Melody!

So sometimes just give him time and space can awaken his sense of perspective as to the right thing to do. Being alone is not a long term solution. Meanwhile, there are many things you can do to recover and focus on being the best “you”. Pick up any of my eBooks to help show you the way as I can only explain so much here in the comment section!

confused

December 17, 2018 at 9:26 pm

Hi There,

My ex and I broke up a little less than two months ago. We had been together for a year and a half, and our relationship was amazing, we share many of the same interests, we have traveled all over the world together, and never fight. The primary issue is that was married for 20 yrs before getting divorced and we met quite soon after the divorce (about 6 months). So it has been two years since the divorce but I am scared that he has not taken the time to emotionally recover. Most of the time his actions and words convince me that he is ready for a relationship (things between us have not remained stagnant but have progressed significantly over the last 18 months) but he occasionally regresses and pulls away particularly after we spend time being vulnerable together and tells me that hes scared he will disappoint me and fail and is still not sure what he is capable of long term. So about two months ago I decided to tell him that we shouldn’t see each other anymore because I wasn’t sure if the relationship was healthy for me he agreed and we didn’t get overly emotional or into the details. I regret it and want to be with him. After ending things “mutually” I did not contact him for 21 days (though he did reach out to me several times, calls and texts) I responded lightly and shortly. After 3 weeks I sent him a text and he instantly responded and asked if I would meet him for lunch, we had a casual fun lunch nothing more. Over the following three weeks we texted back and forth and then he asked me to dinner, we had a great time catching up and he asked me if I was seeing anyone I told him we didn’t need to discuss those things with each other. He agreed but didn’t understand why I told him we could maybe talk about it another time. We kissed but nothing more and discussed celebrating his bday together in a month. I sent him a few messages in the following days and he responded but he did not contact me first. 2 days ago I messaged him saying hi and he instantly responded asking if I wanted to get together for dinner this week. I said yes we should and also that I missed him. He read the messages and did not respond… and now I am feeling confused and wondering if and when I should contact him to ask if we want to see each other before traveling over the holidays…I feel like things are going well and I am willing to be patient and wait but I am getting lost and confused on what to expect in between the “dates” communication wise and also the amount of time that passes if I really do want to get back together…

Chris Seiter

December 17, 2018 at 10:41 pm

I understand….its easy to be confused with so much going on. But there are some positives here. Yes, patience is key!

kay

December 16, 2018 at 10:55 pm

Thank you for the reply I really do appreciate it. I agree with all you say also. The break up came from a fall out we had over me completely over reacting and saying mean things… we were long distance for a year due to work and he had been in trouble health wise. I had asked him to let me know he get somewhere safe, he got back to me a long time after and brushed aside how I felt , and I reacted in a pathetic manner to be honest. he said from this point I had let him down in life and something switched inside where it changed for in love to just care/love because I’m the mother of his children. I’m baffled how that can actually happen. the fact he said I let him down in life over that one matter… and the fact he can’t remember everything else and the sacrifices I made for him really hurts. He only sees me doing wrong and not acknowledges anything he does. Would limited contact make me seem negative? I have began implementing this and he has commented saying I now have a negative energy around me “just like I did in the past” so I feel that I’m getting attacked in everything I do or say. Thank you again for the advice. Kay

Chris Seiter

December 17, 2018 at 10:50 pm

Hi Kay…..some guys can be selfish like that in the sense they seldom take a deep look into the mirror asking themselves what they could do differently. It seems to me he is the on possessing all the negative energy by virtue of his negative commentary.

S

December 15, 2018 at 6:45 am

Hi Chris
I really need ur help. My ex broke with me in sept after continuous fights between us Cz of his divorce case but then we patched up after 3 weeks. Though it was mutual but I tried a lot so later after 1 month he thought I forced him n he broke up with me again and he gives the reason that he hasn’t overcome previous fights thats y n he’s scared of marriage n relaiton, though I had changed completely b we were happy in that Month. It’s been 10 days I m extremely depressed he moved out. I have done everything wrong after break up begged pleaded Made him feel guilty Cz I m so much shattered since I trusted him so much again
What should I do
kay

December 14, 2018 at 9:08 am

hey I’d love some advice if I’m hitting a brick wall here.
ex left me a year and a half a go … it was horrible. we’d been together 9 years and had 2 young children. we’ve been quite close recently he spends a lot of time with the kids and me. I found out he started talking to someone significantly younger a few weeks after he left and they’ve met up and slept together a lot. he said recently that they don’t see each other much … they talk every day and “he is very close to her”. he also had a depressive break down around the time he left me and claims he feels dead inside etc. I’m thinking here that he’s had cake and eaten it. I understand depression massively but it just seems that he has this blockage with me and that’s it. I don’t know what to do. to go limited contact but that might make me seem like a bitch and lower anything he has with me anyway. he said he doesn’t care if I go dating . so really he has nothing in his heart for me. I don’t understand how someone live can just die… whether it be depression or anything else. I’d appreciate any advice please. thank you

Chris Seiter

December 15, 2018 at 12:10 am

Hi Kay…those brick walls can be hard! I don’t know what is going on in his head. He may have fallen prey to the grass is greener. I think he needs to understand you don’t tolerate his choices. So in that sense, limited contact is not unreasonable. Eventually he will have to realize that this whole thing is bigger than him and his supposed new love, but impacts an entire family that have come to love him and depend on him.

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92 thoughts on “Here’s How Long It Can Take To Get Your Ex Back?”