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Marie
May 24, 2022 at 9:56 pm
My husband told me he was seeing an old girlfriend when our daughter was merely a month old, and that he had been for the last few months prior to her birth. This ex has a chronically ill condition and part of me thinks that he’s only interested in her because he needs to be a SAVIOR type figure. I was already experiencing Postpartum Depression at the time, so that had amped it up tenfold. I recently moved almost exactly 1,000 miles away from him in an attempt to retain my sanity and get help from my family. When we were living together, he would stay out all night and sleep all day. He has really only been living to party and would barely bother to help out with our daughter. On my first Mother’s Day, I practically begged to spend the day with him seeing as I didn’t have any family in the area, but he made up some excuse to go hang out at a friend’s house and told me he would meet up with us later. I was so outraged that I waited outside the friend’s house in my car that night and saw all of them, including the “girlfriend” leaving the house. I went a-wall, drove onto the lawn and told him to get into the car. Which he did. I felt so unlike myself for so long that I led myself to believe that I was crazy. He says he’s going to do everything he can to give my daughter and I a comfortable life, but I’m not even sure he’s worth trying to get back. He was always my best friend and we’ve only been married for 7 months. I miss him everyday. Should I even try? For my daughter’s sake?
Coach Shaunna Nicol
August 6, 2022 at 7:08 pm
Simply Marie – no do not give things a go for your daughters sake. That’s not a foundation for a relationship/marriage.
I would suggest that you take some time apart, work on yourself and be sure that you are focusing on what is best for you. What is going to make you happy. I would also suggest that you start setting some boundaries so that your ex realises that he is losing you because he is actions.
Tricia
April 25, 2022 at 4:41 pm
My boyfriend and I have a beautiful almost one year old boy and I’m currently pregnant and due in a few short weeks. He left 2 weeks ago and I’m struggling. Our relationship has been toxic bc of the fighting and blame game and accusations. He says I’m not the same woman. We had a very mature conversation super recently and he is going to work on himself on his own and I need to do the same. This means he is getting a place in his hometown and I’m stuck in our rental and alone with soon to be 2 babies. I’m drained and I’ve tried to get him to wake up. But we both have things to work on. He said he told me what needs to be done to possibly have a future together and I need to do these things. Is there hope? Is it a lost cause? I don’t know what to do or where to begin.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 26, 2022 at 9:06 pm
Hey Tricia, there does sound as if there is hope but you also need to understand that he is expecting you to not have hormones during a time where you will be at your most…. Prepare for baby to arrive and make your focus being the best mother you can to two, as for his visiting be sure that when he sees the children that you look at your best, be happy and confident. Do not spend your time chasing him. Be sure that he is coming to you to talk and that he is coming to you about the house rather than you following him around.
Sammy
April 20, 2022 at 4:15 am
My ex and I have been off and on for 8 years now. Sometimes the split lasts awhile, and sometimes only a few months. We have a 7 year old and he’s an amazing father. He gets these moments where he wants the family life, but then gets scared and either cheats or just bails. We just split up again two weeks ago and I’m devastated. I was so close to having my family back together. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 21, 2022 at 12:08 pm
Hey Sammy, it sounds that he has a fear of commitment and the pressure of being a family – some see this as a “end” of their lives losing themselves, their single life… It is an immaturity thing on his part it sounds. And until he is actually ready for the real deal I would suggest that you stop taking him back when HE is ready. I get that you want your family together but when he behaves this way he is not only impacting you he is also affecting your son. I would suggest that you start treating him as an ex and show him that he is losing this chance to be a family man, show him you do not want or need him anymore and you need to APPEAR this way for some time and make him work for it. If he wants to come back then I would suggest that you give him an option, comes back knowing that it truly is his LAST CHANCE and if he leaves again that you are done with him forever as this is not healthy for you or your son.
Cookie
April 16, 2022 at 5:51 pm
My ex and I have been together for 2 years. Everything had been going perfectly we planned a future together talked about marriage and having a child. Now I am currently 7 months pregnant and since I’ve been pregnant we would have arguments here and there but nothing to serious and about 3 weeks ago I found out my ex has recently started having inappropriate conversations via text with his ex and lied to me about it seeing her. Once I confronted him he said he wasn’t happy and was going through things because he lost his job and are relationship seemed rocky but no matter what I supported him and never treated him less of a man because of his situation at the time. But he always interacted with me as if everything was fine. He would tell me how much he loves me, he didn’t know where would he would be without me, talked about our lives together with our new baby. I was so confused and hurt by the messages I seen in his phone with his ex I called a moving truck and left.Even though I left I still pray that one day our relationship will be restored so that we can be in a healthy relationship and be a family with our child but he hasn’t made any effort with trying to rebuild and earn my trust back so I’m not sure if he even wants the same things. He messages me almost everyday but not about the relationship just to check on me and our unborn child. He tells me he loves me and that he is sorry what everything that has happened and it’s all his fault. I’m so confused.
Charlotte
April 14, 2022 at 1:55 pm
Hiya, me and my ex split 17 days ago after being together for 15 years. We were both unhappy at the time so it was mutual, but I have since realised that our problem was that we wernt communicating to each other enough. Since we split we seem to be talking more to each other and getting along really well and i feel our spark has come back. So i have been trying to sort our problems out but he was getting angry so I saw the no contact rule and i have started doing that but as we have a 7 year old together I can’t go complete silent. Tips I have seen online said I should say I am moving on (even though I am not) he then gets angry at that too. I feel like whatever I do, he gets angry. He says he is now happier but he looks depressed and is not sleeping well. He said he still has feelings for me but said he doesn’t feel like he can do it anymore. But when he comes round to see our son, he wants us to act like a family. I just feel really confused. Please can I have any advice that will get him to see we are better together. Thank you.
Grace
April 2, 2022 at 3:05 am
Thank you for this. I just realized I’m making the wrong decisions over and over. I’ll heed your advice, I won’t text or call anymore, it’s going to be one hell of a hard journey.
Wish me luck!
Anna
March 28, 2022 at 6:06 pm
Hello,
I met my father’s child at a restaurant we worked at together. He was the mean Chef and I was the hot waitress. I pursued him for about two months by letting word get around that I was interested. I took him on a helicopter ride on our first date which sealed the deal. He got me pregnant on our third date. I was overjoyed and so was he. He was raised by a single mother, who passed away from cancer shortly after I announced my pregnancy. We proceeded to be together for four years during which he experienced more death and I was struggling with a drinking problem which since has been resolved. But he was always receptive to help and loved me unconditionally. In this time, I studied finance and got my first “real job” as an accountant while raising our son. On the other hand, the pandemic caused him to lose two jobs and it caused a lot of stress as he was the main provider. We started arguing a lot the last couple of months. I was upset that he left a mess, or wouldnt consistently plan outings with me, or not be present when at home (on his phone/TV), I missed him but likely suffocated him. I was also entirely dependent on him as at the time I needed him to chauffeur me to work and back. I just got my own license and car after we broke up. He decided he wanted to break up and just disappeared out of the house for a month. I did not take it well. I made every mistake coaches tell you not to ie. Yell, Plead, beg, cry, try and be friends, rage, guilt, shame, Jesus the list goes on. He didn’t act much better demanding 50/50 custody and threatening to not provide support. His main admission for the break up was that I was controlling and emotionally abusive. He left and the arguments got worse as my anxiety heightened that Im losing the person I saw myself spending the rest of my life with. We were not physically separated for five months after the break up as he needed to find a place to live and I needed rides to work. It was terrible and left me feeling worthless.
Now Ive been following your no-contact recommendations for two weeks, unless it pertains to our son, I dont engage. I’ve regained my confidence and stayed in school, work, gym, got a car, gave him all the old furniture and furnished the house entirely. Im heartbroken, but understand the assignment. Although I have the impressively good looks (not to brag) and smarts, I fear that my “controlling/needy/anxious” behaviour may have turned him away forever. He’s very polite during our Sunday exchange with our son, and still complements my looks. I just fear looks or time invested will not cut it because he has developed this vicious, angry, broken image of me. He’s admitted that he feels resentful at the imbalance of give and take in the relationship. He still loves me and provides a little more financial support than a court would order. He still wants to watch his son, and I encourage this, for 3 days of the week. His dad left him when he was young so I know he will always be there to take care of both me and my son. But there’s so much resentment as he says the relationship was toxic/unhealthy. He said he’s not sure if he’ll ever be able to forgive me for the damage thats been caused. He said he thinks I have some growing to do, and that he doesn’t know what will happen in the future in regards to us getting back together, and that he wont close that door. But I need you to please tell me if there is or should be a chance at reconciliation or not so I can direct my mind to one outcome or the other. I was not the monster he described but that is what he thinks of me. I took care of all of his needs in the house and as a person. It was stressful towards the end juggling work, school, and baby by myself, but I was doing the best I could at the time. I’ve also tackled my anxiety with proper medication now. Even though I wasnt happy towards the end of the relationship either, which is probably why I became so mean, the fact that he broke up with me flipped the power dynamics and he’s in control now. I feel like my actions after the break up elongated his relief stage to a possible forever. But if there’s no chance in him taking me back, I can move on. I just need to hear it because he’s left me in limbo. I feel shame for not being able to be the person he needed me to. I feel like I am today, but that its likely too late.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 26, 2022 at 9:25 pm
Hey Anna, so I think you are on the right track but right now that your focus needs to be working on your anxiousness and your controlling manner. I get this is harder to show to someone who you only see once a week, but be more relaxed about things or easy going. Appear to be just getting home when he drops off your son let him think you have been out etc. You have done the work on yourself, and you know your worth it is just that change that he needs to see in the attachment – even though this is not a VISIBLE thing it is a feeling that people will pick up when spending time with each other so if you are happier and more secure it will show.
Chioma happiness Ukachukwu
February 23, 2022 at 9:37 pm
What if he got married to another woman on the process of getting him back, am currently carrying his baby and he suggested an abortion which I refused, that’s how he left me.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 26, 2022 at 12:27 pm
If he is married to someone else, you need to end things and walk away. The fact he has got you pregnant while planning a wedding with someone else shows you who he is as a man!
Cynthia
January 16, 2022 at 8:23 pm
My ex and I were together for almost 9 years. We have a 5 year old. Our relationship was fine there was no signs of being unhappy. We had our occasional arguments nothing too crazy. For our anniversary this past September he upgraded my engagement ring. We were planing our wedding. One week he started acting weird and I started looking through his phone messages and found sexting messages with another women. I confronted him and his immediate response was “I’m not in love with you anymore”, but still he told me it was a break and he needed time, and nothing is set in stone. His actions made no sense and both of our families were in shock. This women he cheated on me with is much older 13 years older than him. He hardly sees our daughter. Doesn’t move any of his stuff from our house, he is living in hotels and recently started following me back on social media again. He also wants me to talk to his mistresses to be close with her incase they end up together and my daughter would have to be around her. This whole thing is confusing. Do you think he would ever come back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 30, 2022 at 7:52 pm
Cynthia, DO NOT get close to the other woman. That is not what you want to do right now if you want him back. At the moment you need to follow the limited no contact for 45 days and use this time to work on yourself. Pack up his belongings and tell him to come to collect them. Let him feel that shift where you are done waiting for him. IF he thinks you are sat at home waiting for him he has no reason to change his ways. The fact he has not moved in with her (or at least says he hasn’t) is a good sign, but you need to make him think he is losing you now.
Ayanda Skomolo
January 13, 2022 at 7:36 am
Morning
This has been very helpful, well i tried all the tricks well he left me for some girl n according to my perspective n my viewing he was running away from the responsibility n he would always tell me . ..you guys are expensive till he replaced me!! Well okay i went to no contact for a good 6months..heard rumours they starting to fight and all i kept on my lane,worked on myself opened a business, got my license it was a good 6months of self development ….
Well he hasn’t been supporting so i put him through maintenance
..just gave him the paper a week back for a court date ….i looked so strong n amazing n i realised i dont need him n hes not my type he couldn’t believe hes eyes,he kept on starring at me !!! N ive drastically change for the better self Development is the best ..
Thanks❤♀️
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 16, 2022 at 9:56 pm
Amazing work Ayanda! Well done you. Let’s hope your ex eats his heart out!
Seanna Johnson
January 5, 2022 at 2:44 am
Me and my ex dated for four years.we have two daughters together and we have broken up and gotten back together several of times. He is the most charming and attractive men but he gave up on taking care of me and our kids once I figured out he secretly sexted multiple girls and even went to the gym saying he was alone but with another women. For years, we only get together when we’re both doing good and lately, we havent. I am starting to want him as bad as I tried to get pregnant which is supported twice. He feels sense I put him out because he was unfaithful, he doesn’t visit and we strictly co parent. I miss everything about him and wish I was someone special to him that he made a priority. So far, we’ve exchange quick oral which I . Gave not received so I ended the cycle. He always gives excuses if I ask him to come by . I now don’t talk to him but co parent exclusively…. Is this something I did or is he really over me
Sara
November 28, 2021 at 2:57 pm
My ex and I were together 6 and a half years we broke up Oct 1 and by the 15th he had a new gf I just found out they got engaged. He has minimal contact with our daughter this woman hasn’t even met our daughter thankfully. Before I found out about the engagement he would try to make small talk about specific things in his life. He has pushed away all our family and friends no one can understand why he is doing this. I would love to put our little family back together.
Ann
November 24, 2021 at 3:52 am
Hi my name is ann my boyfriend just left me and and told me he doesn’t love me anymore but i am currently 7 months pregnant we both plan the baby and he is very excited about it. But the last few weeks he’s been acting cold towards me and just broke up with me few days ago. I was devastated, he told me he still want to be involved with the baby. Is there any chance i can get him back? I don’t know what to do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 26, 2021 at 1:32 pm
Hi Ann, yes there is a chance, you need to read through the materials and use this time for a limited no contact, where you would only speak to him about baby and nothing else. I understand it is harder when you are pregnant as your emotions are up and down but you need to try and show him that you are happy and excited about the baby, let him feel that he is going to be missing out on a family lifestyle while broken up.
Whitney
October 25, 2021 at 3:49 pm
What do you think about a baby daddy wanting to stay at my place every time he visits his son because he lives out of town? Is this normal for co-parenting? It makes things confusing and I still have feelings for him and I want him back.
Tanya
October 25, 2021 at 2:21 am
Hello I am Tanya.
I’ve been away from my Ex for a whole year now and he even has a new gfor almost a year now We have a 1 year old son together that he just met 4weeks ago. I realize now I really want my EX back is it even possible at this time ? If so what do I do to get back with him
Jamie anderson
October 3, 2021 at 10:10 pm
Tell me more my baby daddy has strictly said there is no future with us and there is no us and that hurts terribly I want him back what do I do I have messed up with him in the past and I need your help do I move in or try harder to win him back
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 4, 2021 at 8:53 pm
Hi Jamie, so the first step is to follow a limited no contact and spend that time working on yourself. Have you spent sometime focusing on you and showing your ex that you do not need him that you are quite content and happy with you and the children?
CEM
September 16, 2021 at 3:09 pm
Hi, I just found out that I am pregnant. I moved out of state for a job before knowing. The BD and I dated for approx. 7-months and he stayed in the previous state. It turns out he has been engaged to another woman during this time and was cheating on her with me and they are supposed to get married in less than 1-month. I told him I am pregnant and he asked me to get an abortion – later to find out he was asking so he wouldn’t have to out himself to her that he’s been cheating/lying. He rescinded his pleas for me to get an abortion and states he’s planning on telling his fiance about us and the baby, but still wants to make amends to her and marry her. I think I am still in a state of shock. I can’t imagine that he’s the type to abandon his child (his father did this to him and did not come back into his life until adulthood). I am hoping that he wants to make amends with me, as well, so that our child can have two involved parents. Any advice?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 7, 2021 at 8:47 pm
Hi CEM, I would say that if you are going to want to co-parent then you are going to have to have a LOT of patience while the fiance deals with the betrayal that the has put her through. I know he hurt you too, but if his goal is to keep her in his life it will take some time, if at all that she will accept baby in his life. I would suggest that you understand and show patience and grace when she discovers the truth.
Nicole Cardoza
September 11, 2021 at 10:40 pm
Together 6 years. A 2 year old. He decided to up and leave one day its been a week he already is about to sign on an apartment and only talks about our child or tells me how much he hates me… ended because I wanted him to help more but since he worked he didnt want to… I ended up complaining more than anything else in the relationship. This is the dozenth time he has walked out on me. He has done this since even before our son was born… is it a lost hope ? This time is different than the others as hes actually taking steps to be on his own. I’m not ready to be done. Is there a chance or do I just strictly move on and find happiness elsewhere ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 16, 2021 at 7:21 pm
Hey Nicole, so while I get he is tired after work and it is hard to do more around the house. That’s just part of life. Most homes have two working parents and they both have to do their fair share of the housework and support each other. If you are home with the baby all day then I understand it is tiring to do this too, but keep in mind you can only do what you can. I think when he has got his own place, and living alone / having your two year old over and is by himself, he is then going to realise how hard life can be without you in it. In the mean time work on yourself and getting into a routine without him around. Let him see you strive without him.
Nicola
September 10, 2021 at 7:36 pm
My ex and I have been together for 14years and have 3 children. We’ve had a rough 4yrs with him suffering mental health issues then a stint away due to his issues. He’s come home now more than the man I always knew he could be and wanted him to be and yesterday he just said he was no longer in love with me cared for me but that was it. I’m devastated I’ve never once considered my life without him and us growing grey together even when things have been really hard we have always fought through and now this. He’s being cold with me and just talking about the kids is there even a chance?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2021 at 10:53 pm
Hi Nicola, I can imagine this being really hurtful with you being with him through his hard times. I would suggest that you allow him this time away from you so that you can let him realise he does have feelings for you and loves you. At times the road to recovery means being away from our partners. Use this time to work on yourself and show him that you are the person you were 14 years ago and so much more.
Jessica Gonzalez
September 8, 2021 at 5:50 am
Hi my name is Jessica. I have been with the father of my child going on 9 years. We recently split up but I haven’t moved out yet. He ignores me and blocks me on his phone. I was the one who decided to leave because I didn’t feel appreciated, he never helped with our daughter and always told me he deserved better. I hate the thought of leaving because than I feel like I’ll lose him forever. His ego is so big I dont see him coming back to me or fighting for our relationship. I’ve suggested therapy and he refuses. Do you think there’s any chance?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 9, 2021 at 9:58 pm
Hi Jessica, so you would need to try to follow the limited no contact rule where you focus on not speaking to your ex unless its about shared bills and your child. Remove yourself from spending time with him where possible and stop reaching out to him first. Allow him some time away from you, let him have a chance to miss you. In this break up you also need to stop cooking and cleaning for him. Give him a taste of what life is like without you in it for him.