The Simple 2 Step Method To Get Your "Baby Daddy" Back

392 thoughts on “Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back”

Sarah

December 8, 2018 at 9:48 am

Hi very interesting read.
I’m in a bit of a pickle myself. My ex (wit 2 children together of 5years) has finally confessed he has a gf.After absolutely trying to hide and deny it for days. Even after more than one person told me… and he was caught out he still tried to deny it. I even said look just tell me I’m fine with it but nope.
..however, in the beginning when I kicked him out and after he was pledding me to take him back… I tried to move on… we had a fight… and didn’t speak for about 5 weeks
…. until I message him.. broke the silence.. told him I missed him. I still loved him… he confessed he missed me and the kids so much. The next 3 weeks was bless…. we shared a kiss. Now that she the gf poped up. Turns out they had been together for the last month. She told me she would cut ties with him so we could fix our family if that was what I wanted. But it was my call as she felt bad for hurting me…
I said. Thanks much appreciated I do want to fix my family

Now the ex is messaging me how he doesn’t love me…that he doesn’t think he could ever love me again and he doesn’t want it to work he never will and please let him be happy and move on… not to waste my time o him etc blah blah blah
I responded and was truthfully… I said I still love him. I want our family back and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to get him back.. we have been through everything together through thick and thin. So take whatever space you need…
He replied with u will never get me back. So I didn’t respond and left him to it…

Do you think he will come back to me…

Chris Seiter

December 9, 2018 at 2:22 am

Hi Sarah…glad you enjoyed the post. So guys sometimes do and say foolish things. Probably time for you to employ no contact and follow thru on all the elments I talk about in my Program.

Stephany

December 3, 2018 at 2:52 pm

Dear Jenilee,

Don’t look at what he is doing.
Just focus on the time you are together and if he is a good dad to your son. Don’t play the broken girl, you’ll become a femme fatale to his eyes. Good luck.
Jenilee

November 26, 2018 at 11:00 am

Hey!
Me and my 5 month old baby’s father was together for 4 years and 8months and broke up in August this year. I had 2 miscarriages and that had a big effect on our relationship. We hardly talked about it until I found out he is seeing someone else and confessed that he loves her. I found that out when our son was only 2 months old. I was devastated because they were seeing each other since January already. I couldn’t process the fact that he told me, his girlfriend of almost 5 years that he loves me and the girl he only knew for a few months both and he is scared to loose us both. He broke it off with me saying that he couldn’t stand hurting me any longer and that he is not leaving me to go into a relationship with her. I accepted the break up but the mistake I made was to continue sleeping with him knowing he still sees her. After a few weeks he told me that the 2 of them no are longer seeing each other and that he wants me and our son in his life, which turned out to be all lies. I wanted to believe him so bad. I was crushed when I found out he was lying to me about not seeing her. He told me he is confused and does not know who he wants to be with because he loves us both and is scared. The question I asked myself was how can he compare me with someone he does not really know! Now I want your advice please. I truly want to be with him and raise our son together. I just want to know if it is worth fighting for him? I know i need to give myself space to process everything and deal with his infidelity.
Sam

November 16, 2018 at 1:53 am

Hi Chris

Been reading a lot of your contents. Thanks so much for the fun and enlightening articles!

I’m a mom of two from my former ex and then when I got out of my former ex’s 4 year relationship, I healed and was 6-7 years single. Then now I’m 6months pregnant again by another baby daddy who also has a 1 year old kid from his ex girlfriend. When I met him, I was honest about my background and my responsibilities and my fear of being with someone again if only for another heartbreak, esp with complicated situations. Cut the story short, he did everything to prove me that he and his baby mama were over for long and that he was really serious about being with me. Took the chance to be with him and everything went well at for months of dating til we found out we were having a baby and we were still happy about it. Then his mom died days after finding out I’m pregnant. So his baby mama(who was close to his family) went to the funeral and was more welcomed because of course of the baby that they have and there they reconciled. After bereavement of my baby daddy’s mother, his baby mama learned that I’m pregnant so she kept their child away from him again. My baby daddy became indifferent towards me and we started having arguments yet he still stuck around. I understand he was grieving and depressed and nobody else makes him happy at the moment of grief but his child and yet he couldnt see him. It lasted for a month til the 1st bday (when he’s not invited) and got really frustrated and agitated about it. Simultaneously with our misunderdtandings , his baby mama kept harassing me through many diff fake social media accounts and since I was pregnant and emotional, I know I made mistakes of calling my baby daddy every time I get messages because I became affected by them that pissed him off til he became more and more distant to me. One time we were having another conversation of that same issue and he said he wants to be out of it. I asked him if he is going back to the girl and he was always pissed if I ask because he said I know how much he hates that girl. During the same time,his baby mama and child was at their house(Bc picked up by his sister) and they fought about me again and his father already intervened. The next day, during another fight over the fone, he admitted that he’s going back to his first baby mama. I was so hurt and got so mad that I went to his office and physically hurt him. And that made a very significant mark on him til now. After that incident, we kept fighting over and over. When we got tired of fighting, we talked calmly and I said if hes happier with her, id undertand and we agreed that we are still going to communicate about the baby. He promised me that he won’t get back with her yet til our baby comes out out of respect and for peace and that he will support our baby and me. So I agreed and decided to go NC. After a few days, I saw a Facebook post that they’re a happy family. It is so heartbreaking but I never confronted him about it anymore and dropped it. Now he sees me negatively, sees the other girl as very angelic(after telling me she’s evil and all, basically tables turned), he believes that I’m the one who started all the crazy social media stuff, forgot all the good things about us. And worst, he blocked me on everything and bad mouthed me to everyone. This is so devastating. How could he shift from one decision to another in a matter of days????? I feel that I am so close to getting insanely baffled but of course I won’t lol I need to smarten up for all my kids. But after all, I can’t just hate him. I’m just so sad and confused.

Do you think there is still any chance for us to revert things???? I feel so horrible and sometimes I blame myself. That I should have retained my compsure. But I could also say my emotions were too strong bc of overthinking and preg hormones.I am so stressed out. Been like this for months. PLEASE HELP :((( People call me stupid but I still have a glimmer of hope we could get back in the end and be better and happy again. PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME :((((
Nikki

November 11, 2018 at 10:43 pm

I am going to try this.

I had a baby with a guy and he is very involved with our daughter. We sometimes visit together with her. He has been vocal about not wanting a relationship and all he wants to do is make money for her and his love of hunting.

I do love and care about him and I hope that maybe this does something..
Stacey

November 10, 2018 at 9:54 am

Sorry to sound stupid but my head is all over the place and i cant see whats what maybe because I’m sitting on the whole thing and can’t see what others see. So could you clarify what you mean as in ‘you think I’ve answered my own question’

Sorry to bombard you but I feel So lost without him. I’m trying so hard to show I’m moving on and it’s slightly working because he’s wanting to know all the names I’ve been talking about because he’s never heard of them before. Definitely showing jealously but it’s not enough. I just want him home where he belongs.

Thank you Chris…
Stacey

November 9, 2018 at 12:06 pm

I read your stuff on the internet everyday and they have helped me. This time away from my ex (and I’m hoping it is just time) has made me reflect on myself and where I went wrong. Of course we had our ups and downs but we got on more than we didn’t, hence why we lasted 13yrs.
We had a nice little time together on Tuesday where we were all playfully with each other and we laughed together a few times as well.
I reminded him of good times plus shown him a picture that he sent me a few months ago (which he smiled at and looked at it properly not just a quick look)
I’m just so confused why he would want to be with this girl with the trouble she’s caused and like I said, doesn’t speak fondly of her. Maybe he needs to do it himself rather than me telling him what she is. For the first time on Wednesday he said to me that he knows she was the one that caused the trouble and he’s sorry for saying I was as bad as her for retaliating (I only did because my kids were mentioned) so I’m hoping he’s realising more now about her.
The unwritten rule ‘you don’t get involved with the mother of your children’

So from a man and coach what is your opinion on the whole messed up situation?
He has said we are not good together, when that is a lie. Plus why would he beg me to take him back if that was the case? But I believe men can come out and say things like that when they are going through the hurting process. He said I have been the only one that has been there for him even over his family who he no longer talks to and my family has been more of a family to him than his own too. He knows I’m good for him (which he’s told me himself) and even his friend has told him he’d be an idiot to lose me because how good I was for him.
He’s just not the same anymore even in his appearance that has gone down too. What is that telling me? He’s obviously not as good as he was when living with me.
I just hope we can reconcile what we had.
I love and miss him so much!
Thank you…

Chris Seiter

November 10, 2018 at 2:10 am

Hi Stacey!

I think you answered you own question.

Shaniqua Ellington

November 8, 2018 at 9:50 pm

My name is Shaniqua mother of four been with my baby father 10 years and he just broke up with me in the beginning of the year and got engaged to a women older then him that his father introduced him to , throughout the whole relationship we been on and off with him cheating even while I was pregnant but I always took him back now this time around he left me for good and I’ve been stressing myself ever since, I want to know if there’s still hope of us getting back hes a good man to our kids but when I try to talk to him about getting back he brings up his fiance and at this point I’m wondering if I should move on or if we have a chance on getting back together

Chris Seiter

November 8, 2018 at 11:31 pm

Hi Shaniqua!

Rude of him to bring up his fiance. Perhaps its time to focus on your own healing. Have you tried NC?

Stacey

November 8, 2018 at 8:28 pm

Hiya Chris,

First of all I think your brilliant at what you do. So well done to getting where you are…

Basically me and my ex were together for 13yrs with children and lived together. Now he is living in his mates house which he hated. I initiated the break up and totally, totally REGRET IT! It was over something silly but fixable. At the time I wasn’t really thinking ahead and just ended it. He begged and begged me and STUPIDLY I kept saying no. I hate myself for it now. I’ve been so emotional over it all especially because I have been so stupid. Another thing I ABSOLUTELY REGRET was that I made someone up that I was speaking to (which was a horrible lie) which he knows now that there was no one. I only wanted him to show he cared and appreciate me more. But I know that was a terrible thing to do and I have definitely learned my lesson and would never do anything like that again. I really don’t know what came over me to even think of something like that. Just awful.
He told me he felt physicall sick that he’s lost me and can’t live without his family and couldn’t bare me with anyone else etc…
Then, after a few weeks of begging me it stopped! I found out he met a girl whilst he was still begging me but then he went cold with me. I’m guessing or hoping it’s a rebound.
This girl was cheating on her partner with my ex and got pregnant. I know this sounds awful but he said he just wanted the baby gone (she had an abortion) whilst still with her partner. But now this girl (I call her a bunny boiler) has left her partner of apparently 15yrs with kids also for my ex who she barely knows (to me thinking it was already on the cards of her leaving her partner)
She’s tried causing trouble with me and bringing my children into it (she got my number somehow) whilst she was still with her partner. The reason I call her a bunny boiler is because she’s interfered and also in a way blackmailed my ex into a rship that probably was not meant to be by saying she’s left her partner for my ex (which he didn’t believe)
He’s told me not nice things about her, basically told me she’s not attractive in so many words and said me and my friends would laugh if I saw her. Said he doesn’t give a shit about her either. Plus he’s not planning to take on her kids (she has 4) He’s told me it’s not going to be lasting long because she’s doing things he’s getting on to and she’s a bit weird. He’s let me kiss him and we’ve held hands.
I told him that I had been on a date (took your advice) to him saying “Oh his he your boyfriend now? I bet he’s a dick head and a prick isn’t he?” (Sorry for language) but he said that not in a nice tone and I took it like he was jealous. I brought that up and he said “I’m not arsed, I’m not arsed” but he clearly shown he was. He was trying to fish to see if our children has met this man (asif I’m going to when I don’t know him myself properly) and he knows that but just trying to fish like I said.
He also said yesterday that he’s not planning to live with this girl at all. Told him to be careful because if she’s going to give her number out to you on the first night, then rest assure she’s done it before and will do it again. He said he’s told her that ‘once a cheat always a cheat’ and he’s not even arsed if she did.

I just don’t know what to think. He obviously hasn’t got respect for her with what he’s told me, and let me kiss him, and we slept together once (I know I shouldn’t have allowed it) plus, I believe that trust is the main foundation of a good rship and surely he can’t trust her knowing she was cheating in the first place and plus he’s brought it up to her.
Oh and also, her mum is dying. So people have said that men can be weak (sorry) and he probably feels obligated to stay around a bit more.

I just feel so confused, hurting and just want our family back as one and enjoy our future together.
I hope I get that second chance.

Chris Seiter

November 8, 2018 at 11:37 pm

Hi Stacey!

I see a lot has happened and you have been thru a lot. But first of all, don’t hate yourself. Love yourself. None of us are perfect and we all can make plenty of mistakes and so can your partner. Best to focus first on your healing and recovery. Make use of all my resources on the site.

Amber

November 6, 2018 at 1:24 pm

Hi Chris,

I was doing really well up until a few days ago. I did everything that you had suggested and it started to work! My baby daddy started acting really needy but he is also in a very difficult place emotionally at the moment and I ended up giving in to his neediness and we ended up sleeping together and now I feel like all that hard work has just gone to waste and I’m not really sure where to go from here? Can I just start all over again or is it too late for that do you think? Any advice would be much appreciated!

Chris Seiter

November 6, 2018 at 10:43 pm

Hi Amber…sometimes these breakups go thru phases of hot and cold. Just give it a little space and then revisit.

Abby

October 31, 2018 at 10:08 pm

Hi Chris,
I was in a relationship with my ex for one year ,this is what happened while I was nine months pregnant I realised that my ex was cheating on me..he also had an intoxicating problem he would drink alcohol very much to a point that I decided my mother should try talking to his mother..maybe she could talk to him and he would listen to her.By that time we were living together.The opposite unfortunately happened with the in laws being opposed to me and creating a bad story so that my ex would leave me and so he broke up with me two weeks to my delivery date.He said he won’t get blessings from his family if he stayed with me .Right now my baby is 3months old and he had told his family that he wasn’t sure the baby was his so he demanded a DNA test and refuses to provide for the child I haven’t talked to him for almost a month and a half now.I still love him how can I get him back?

Chris Seiter

November 1, 2018 at 2:49 am

Hi Abby!

I am sorry you are going thru so much struggle. Keep the focus on your healing and your child. Those things will give you strength. Taking a break from him for a spell is probably a good thing.

Marissa

October 31, 2018 at 12:45 am

Thank you Chris! Btw I noticed the first few days of mc he messaged me talking about the baby but initiated it every time and was very positive so I have hope for the future with mc and us going forward 🙂

Chris Seiter

November 1, 2018 at 3:11 am

Hi Marissa!

Your welcome. That is good news. Thinking good thoughts for you!

Marissa

October 30, 2018 at 12:28 am

I’ve been mc because we have a kid and I think I messed up about 3 days in by texting him about something not related to our child. :/ He started the convo and tabout his work schedule and when he’d have the baby and I was surprised he didn’t seem to have the dates of a cruise we had planned together off. He said he wasnt going but I assumed he’d change his mind as he had changed his mind before. I apologized for previously not letting him see his daughter (the reason he said he’s not going) and expressed my surprise and no reply :/ Do I start mc over again?

Chris Seiter

October 30, 2018 at 2:02 am

Hi Marissa!

I don’t think you need to start over completely. Just pad it with some additional days that you believe would be appropriate.

JoyeM

October 20, 2018 at 11:08 pm

My baby’s father and I knew each other for almost a year before we dated. We then got pregnant about 5 months after. He was so happy about becoming a father and we were in a really good place in our relationship. Even right after having the baby, we were very happy but things started to change between us. Around the time out baby was 2 months old there was strain in our relationship and it felt like we were 2 roommates that had a baby together. There was a few weeks of us being in a rough patch and I decided that we should get on the same page, get back to “us” and go on a date. He had different plans in mind, wanted us to break up and live separately because he feels neglected and is no longer in love with me. I went the NC route suggested and a week later, he said he missed me and wanted to work it out. We were together for a few days and he then tells me that he really can’t be with me and he’s going to move back out. At this point, I don’t know what to do.
Jazmin

October 11, 2018 at 4:23 am

Hey so my baby daddy and I were together for 5 years on and off and in between we had a child. I can’t say he was a bad father because he loves her and will do whatever he has to for her. I cheated on him first and ever since then we’ve been back and forth cheating on each other. I can’t lie and say I was right or an angel because I have done some crazy things to him like cut up his clothes and slashed his tires, because I found out he was talking to other girls. I really don’t know what to do anymore he takes care of our child as much as he can I think with us being separated. Throughout the years though he rails me back into a confusing game where he wants to be in bed with me but doesn’t want a relationship. I don’t want to keep being “played”. I want a real relationship as I am pregnant with his second child now. Can you please help me.

Chris Seiter

October 11, 2018 at 4:34 am

Hi Jasmin!

well, none of us are perfect..thats for sure. Its learning what we can from the past and pushing it forward.

Jessamine

September 27, 2018 at 2:59 am

My ex bf and I have a child who is a year and a half and we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. We got pregnant after dating a few months. We had problems communicating, mostly on my end because I never learned how to from my family. We lived together and my ex left when our child was a few months old. He stated we didn’t communicate right and he wanted to focus on himself he didn’t feel like himself and just left. I was devastated. He came back 2 weeks later saying he was wrong he felt better and wanted to come back. I took him back and everything was good. Through the relationship I was the financial and emotional supporter in the relationship. He was a good bf but not a good partner in raising a child. I was doing everything and felt alone and I was compromising anything I could so that we can move on with our lives as a family. He wasn’t doing that saying he was afraid to lose himself again. I brought up living separate lives and he agreed to break up. I was so sad and devastated again. I just wanted him to step up not take the way out. We have been broken up for a month and I was so angry and sad with him and now I let it go but because i love him. I was so tired of being angry and now he tries talking to me like we used to. But it’s short conversations. It doesnt last long but it’s nice and it makes me miss our relationship. He says he doesn’t want to date for a long time. He wants to focus on himself and his goals and our daughter. Which is good. He seems more involved now than before stating he’s so sad but our daughter is his ray of hope. I want us to be together and I miss him but he seems to be keeping me at a distance.

Chris Seiter

September 28, 2018 at 3:10 am

Hi Jessamine!

So things seem to be improving, except the distance part. If things don’t improve in the weeks to come, consider a different approach.

Claire

September 25, 2018 at 4:19 am

Hi, I was with my partner for 5 years and in that time we built a house, got engaged and had a baby. Our baby is now 20 months old. My ex left 4 months ago unexpectedly. Our best friend died 3 months before and he wasn’t coping. We were arguing and becoming toxic during the grieving process. Up until the night he left he was telling me how happy I made him and how he couldn’t do any of this without me, told me that if he had to struggle with anyone it would be me. He was constantly every day telling me how much he loved me and our family and this is what he always wanted. He even made a wedding song playlist the night before he left. He woke up the next morning, we got into an argument and he packed his stuff and went. Said we couldn’t be together anymore and give him time and space so he could sort himself out before coming back and fixing our family. In this time he’s been gone he’s got into a relationship with someone else. He speaks badly of her, and keeps denying being with her to everyone but she says differently on social media. He tells all his family he still loves me but we can’t be together. Am I stupid for still holding onto hope for my family? Or should I be moving on?

Chris Seiter

September 25, 2018 at 9:14 pm

Hi Claire!

5 years is meaningful in my book. It helps set some traction down, though the times you guys engaged in toxic fighting is hurtful to the relationship. I know his behavior is very upsetting, just abandoning you and your child like that one level. I think you should implement NC in practice it the way i teach in my program. You find information about it in my eBooks and on my site. But having an ex recovery plan going forward is critical and that is what I specialize in.

Britt

August 1, 2018 at 12:11 pm

Hey my name is Brittany, I have a 9 month old son. Me and his father did live together before he was born and shortly after splitting in April because our relationship was toxic! We already ended the relationship while staying together because he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me, that we should just co-parent but even though he says that it seems like he still wants something with me because when something goes wrong he’ll say we could’ve worked it out but now I’m just back to the point where I don’t want to do anything with you! So we were starting over trying to build our relationship back up to be in a relationship and it was going great for like 2 months but we had an argument and now he’s back to saying he doesn’t want anything to do with me but literally the same night he said that he was saying sometimes he sees us getting married but then he starts to think about the past so now he says he just wants to keep it about our son. What do I do?

Chris Seiter

August 2, 2018 at 3:32 am

Hi Britt!

I think you need a break from each other you should consider NC because it doesn’t seem he appreciates you enough. Having an ex recovery plan is not just about trying to get him back…but its taking care of your own healing and recovery first. I now he is all over the map about what he is saying, so give him a chance to figure out what he wants thru NC. The last thing you want is investing in toxic relationship if he can’t be more certain about the future with you.

Christee

July 30, 2018 at 12:04 pm

Hi
I was with my twins father for a year. And we’ve been separated a little over a year. We made a year two months after our daughters were born. The relationship started off amazing, yes we had bumps in the road but the good outweighed the bad. Cheating was never a factor. After the girls were born he lost his job and couldn’t seem to get another one. This was when the problems started, because I felt as if I was doing it all by myself. Borrowing money to help buy diapers and doctors appointments, and I felt abandoned. I began being mean and pushing him away, and he desperately wanted the relationship. He began to not even look for another job, and moved out of state and didn’t tell me. Then one of our twins got really sick last year and had to have two major surgeries, and the tension was real between us because I didn’t want to see him. I felt abandoned again. It took some time but we began being cordial, and tried to start co parenting.At the beginning of this year he expressed how he wanted us to work and how he wanted to be the guy from when we first started out. I didn’t know I still had feelings for him until he expressed his, and I realized that I wanted my family. Only to find out he had moved on and there was another girl pregnant for him. He said he didn’t know if it was his because the timing didn’t add up and he didn’t want to make any moves with me until the baby came and knew for sure. The baby is now here and is two weeks old, and he sent me a picture of it asking what I thought. I told him I wasn’t sure because it didn’t look like him, or have similarities to our girls or his son, but he needed to get a dna test to be 100% clear. We recently had an argument and he told me he loved me but he didn’t want any bs or get his heart broken again. And now I’m confused on if he wants to be back with me or just want to be with the other girl and just co parent. Please give me some advice on what I should do.
Thanks

Chris Seiter

July 30, 2018 at 4:06 pm

Hi Christee….i can see why you would be confused. It seems he has chosen a path the leads away from you for now. Can that change? Possibly, but my advice is to focus on your own healing and recovery needs and look forward to other paths you can take that bring you fulfillment.

Lisa

May 13, 2018 at 8:24 pm

Hello. I’ve known the father of my 9 month old son for 21 years. We met when we were teenagers. He lives in a different state than me and our son. He tries to visit but I have to make all the plans and pay for the trip. He doesn’t really call or try to video chat that much to see the baby either. He says our son is too young to even remember so he feels like he doesn’t need to see him as much and he’ll build a bond with him soon enough. I don’t agree, I think he ahould always want to see our son and be in his face whether in person or in video chat. He hardly talks to me but can talk and flirt with everyone else on Facebook and Instagram. When I confront him about it he gets very angry, curses me out and ignores me. I do the no contact rule to pull away from him and it works but then he’ll send me a text or call and tell me he misses and loves me, wants to see our son and tells me I can’t ever get rid of him because we have a son together. Why does he treat me like this when I have been nothing but nice to him? He tells me he doesn’t want to be with me as far as a relationship and that we will always live separate lives, but as soon as he comes to see our son, he wants to sleep with me. What can I do to break this cycle and make him step back and realize I am the mother of his son, I should be someone important to him and also, will the no contact rule really work in my situation and HOW will it work with him always texting and calling like a maniac when I ignore him? Please give me some insight. Thank you.

Chris Seiter

May 13, 2018 at 9:25 pm

Hi Lisa…these are great questions you have asked. I think you defined the issue. You are both caught up in this cycle and your ex seems to want everything his way, yet won’t offer any commitment. Living far away, only complicates things. And on top of all of that, he is not making much of an effort to bond with his child, making feeble excuses. Does he want a divorce? This living relationship is dysfunctional. What can change it? I honestly am not sure because based on what you said, you ex is all over the place with what he says he wants. But actions speak louder than words. He chose to not live with you and seems to insist that he doesn’t want a relationship. I guess he just wants his freedom, but guilt and possessiveness seems to rise up a times, influencing what he says.

I think working toward a future where he has a relationship with his son is important, but you may want to take some time and reflect on how much more of your emotional self you wish to invest in this man.

I am uncertain as to whether NC will help with this situation. Maybe limited contact
Lisa

May 14, 2018 at 5:15 pm

Thank you for your insight Chris, I’ll give limited contact a try and go from there.

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