How Do I Know If I'm Chasing Him?

68 thoughts on “How Do I Know If I’m Chasing Him?”

Carol

January 12, 2018 at 6:41 pm

Ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I was the dumpee- admittedly we never completed no contact. early on I would reach out. We’d have a nice talk via text and end cordially. I NEVER begged since the day after the broke up with me, never pleaded nothing! We have usually gone about 10-12 days and then someone reaches out. I was more at first, then it shifted a little, and over the holiday’s it was prettyequal. I suggested we meet for a drink last week. We did and it went nicely. No drama, no “talks”, no pressure. Just caught up for a few hours, laughed and enjoyed each others company. We spoke once since and that was it. What do I do now? Beginning to think, it’s been too long, forget it but it’s hard.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 15, 2018 at 12:32 am

Hi Carol,

when was the last time you talked? I think you need to restart nc ,do at least 30 days and check the links below:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

Lucille

January 12, 2018 at 5:38 pm

Hi,

I’m back with a question again,

An email came through to do with the flights and I forwarded it straight on. I didn’t say anything in the email and he replied to say thank you. Which I didn’t reply to.

This happened a lot earlier than I expected and there’s another email due to arrive soon which I’ll have to send on.

Have I broken no contact? I’m overthinking it all. I don’t feel like I have, but I’m also concerned he’s likely to think I’ve used this as a way to contact him, although I’ve not done anything like this in the past.

Thanks for your help and advice on different articles so far.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 14, 2018 at 10:56 pm

nope, because you kept it only about that.

Kay

January 11, 2018 at 7:05 am

After NC, i initiated two conversations, both that went fairly well! I do not want to become a gnat, so should i wait for him to start one now or go again for a third texting convo. In person, we don’t really talk much… im always confused on whether to completely ignore him or have convos. i see him twice a week bc we’re in the same friend group.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:35 pm

Hi Kay,
check this one:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Stirling

January 11, 2018 at 3:16 am

The last time I talked to my ex, it was because he suggested we stopped talking. Then he blocked my number, but I’m not really sure. I just know when I texted him, there was no reply. So yesterday after two months of not talking. I reached out to him. It was a positive response, but he wasn’t suprised I texted because he said he was used to me reaching out. I was a little offended. So I told him that he has my new number and if he is not seeing someone he can reach out to me. His response was “ok”. I was confused and starting over thinking his response. I asked if he said ok, just to shut me up? Or if he would really text me? His response was I just said okay. What does that mean is happening here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 5:07 pm

Hi Stirling,

It means he’s used to you chasing him.. and telling him he can text you if he’s not seeing someone also shows that.. I think you should move on..

Alice

January 10, 2018 at 6:21 pm

Hi, my ex came back and suggested we be friends but that turned to ‘dating’ we were just texting but I found out he kissed a girl while we were apart and that he has feelings for this girl and not me so I said I wasn’t going to be second best so he’s left and says he’s going to try and be with me this other girl. I feel completely devastated. He broke up with me over 2 months ago so I feel like maybe it isn’t a rebound. I don’t know what to do next or whether to just move on. Please help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 7:02 pm

Hi Alice,
have you done the nc rule? If yes, how long?

Stirling

January 10, 2018 at 2:55 am

The last time I talked to my ex, was in October. Only because he suggested we stopped talking. Then he blocked my number, but I’m not really sure. I just know when I texted him, there was no reply. So yesterday after two months of not talking. I reached out to him. It was a positive response, from him, but he wasn’t suprised I texted because he said “he was used to me reaching out”. I was a little offended. So I told him “that he has my new number and if he is not seeing someone he can reach out to me”. His response was “Ok”. I don’t want to over think anything. What does that mean? “Ok”.
Emma

January 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm

Hi, my ex says he wants to date and take things slow and that there isn’t much emotion there for him right now. He likes this other girl who he worked with (she recently quit) and he told me they kissed on a night out so now I’m worried that he’s dating me as a second choice and that if she wanted him he’d be with her so I don’t know what to do next?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2018 at 4:56 pm

Hi Emma, My Boyfriend Says He Wants To Date Me and Another Girl

check this one:

Al

January 9, 2018 at 6:45 pm

Hi, we broke up on October 29th last year and he got back in contact on 27th December. We broke up over a stupid thing I said some things I didn’t mean and he took it to heart but he now says he knows I didn’t mean what I said. He says we’re ‘dating’ and we’re having a fresh start I just don’t want to push things. He doesn’t want to tell his family until it becomes ‘permenant’ I don’t want to ask him if we’re back together because I don’t want to scare him.
Chloe

January 9, 2018 at 12:23 am

I posted a few days ago. Now I’m afraid he is starting dating another girl. I don’t know for sure, just a fear…If he is, this is something very recent, this week or so. But I’m terrified. WHat can I do? As I told in the other comment, I decided to stop chasing but he starts dating another gir (I hope this is only my imagination but…) what can I do? We were flirting until a few days ago, until I stop chasing him, we were in a flirting / friends situation. If it weren0t for the distance,, who knows, but… And if he starts dating this girl or another from his city… I don’t know what can I do. Should I keep my kinda NC (stop chasing)? I’m still improving my UG game but now I’m desperate and scared

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:15 pm

Hi Chloe,

it is a no contact period if you’re not initiating and not replying to him.. but if you do, that’s not an no contact period anymore.. so there’s “kind of” in nc.. There is limited nc but that is only if you’re coparents or coworkers. Him dating other girls is not going to stop even if you continue chasing him.. so, focus in improving yourself instead.

Ellie

January 8, 2018 at 9:43 pm

So my ex wanted to start a friends with benefits sort of situation but I put my foot down and said no and he was okay with it because I said if I was sleeping with him I didn’t want him sleeping with anyone else and he said he wanted me too much to sleep with anyone else. But I stayed strong and said I wanted commitment so he asked how much commitment and I said to start over and take things slow so we are, we’re classed as ‘dating’ I don’t know whether we’re back together as he seemed adamant that we wouldn’t be together. He hasn’t told his family yet and says he will if it turns permenant but he’s told his friend. I’m wondering what I should do next as I want him to become fully committed. Thank you

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 2:34 am

Hi Ellie

don’t sleep with him unless you’re really officially back together.

Lucille

January 8, 2018 at 4:25 pm

Hi, this is a reply to Amor

The information is to do with flights, I plan on just forwarding the flight details on to him and then if he says thank you, not replying. I will be sending the information onto him after 21 days of no contact, but I’m seeing I need to put more time into no contact (I have no choice but to send the emails on) he may need to contact me for further information about a week later, which for the sake of professionalism I will provide but then I will just give him that information and not say any more.

How do you mean slowly build rapport? I will be in the place he works twice before the end of January, and I can make sure he sees me, but if I’m doing no contact how can I build rapport?

Thanks so much for replying.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 12:32 am

ah, if it’s only about that you can send it during nc as long as you don’t talk about each other. Slowly, typically means texting first and then calls and then meet ups but since you’re coworkers check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Avery

January 8, 2018 at 3:19 am

I have dating my guy for over a year (not relationship status a but sexually exclusive).He’s been scared to commit due to finances/debt. I’m aware of it all. He still provides for me very well. His previous girlfriend left him due to finances, as he was in school for 5 years to get into the medical profession. I booked a solo vacation and he was disappointed. He said his life is a mess and that he wants a girlfriend but he needs to get on his feet first. It slipped out that he loves me. He then suggested that we be friends and not be intimate anymore. I said ok. Before I left on vacation I called him and left him a voicemail saying I do want a relationship and that I think we can do this together. We were still texting after, but he didn’t mention the voicemail. While on vacation I asked if he received my voicemail. He didn’t respond. Do I go NC now?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 9:59 pm

Hi Avery,

Yes, and don’t sleep with him again, because even if it’s exclusive that’s still called being friends with benefits.

Lauren

January 6, 2018 at 10:35 pm

I really need help with the situation I have on my hands with my ex.
We broke up over a fight (he dumped me) 7months ago. We decided to keep in touch and stay “friends” which leaded to a fwb.

I’ve been trying to break it off and dump him for good many many times. I even did no contact for 1,5 months but it ended him contacting me and the fwb just continued.

He’s telling me he isn’t interested getting back together, but he still wants to see me few times a week. We have sex everytime we meet up, but he likes to spend hours together and even spends a night sometimes. I still have feelings for him, I feel he’s just using me for sex until he meets someone else.

Sometimes he doesn’t respond to my calls and texts, which makes me gnat and feel very low about myself. I told him just a few hours ago i can’t keep doing this and we need to stop seeing each other.

I haven’t moved on in 7 months, I have no interest dating other men and seeing him only keeps up false hope. I’m scared of letting go, because I think if i stop chasing he will be gone forever. I want a real relationship and real love and reading my own writing now makes me feel so sad about my situation.

The time we spend together is really awesome and I still hope he might have feelings for me. I really don’t know what to do. Everytime I make a dedicion to stop seeing him and he contacts me I just can’t say no to him.

Any advice or help will be appreciated.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 8:21 pm

Hi Lauren,

The decision is yours. You have to take responsibility for it because no matter what we say you’re the only who’s going to say yes or no to him in being a fwb. You have to remind yourself of what your standards are and that we get what we allow in our lives.

Al

January 6, 2018 at 8:56 pm

My ex came back into my life and said he wanted to be friends. Didn’t say anything about wanting to get back together but he now says he wants to be friends with benefits but I said no because I know that isn’t right and he now says he wants me and that he won’t sleep with anyone else and doesn’t want me to either but hasn’t said anything about us being officially in a relationship again and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to say are we back together and scare him off. What do I do next??

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 6:04 pm

Hi Al,

When and why did you break up?

Laura

January 6, 2018 at 6:00 am

This was very eye opening for me with my ex situation. We dated for six months three years ago. I was a rebound in this case, but we kissed and spent some time together while he was broken up with his girlfriend (they are now back together, he seemed happier when they were apart). He doesn’t like to be chased and has always been pretty terrible at texting.

I know to back off, and respect his relationship despite knowing that I’m not the only one concerned for his well-being, because he seemed unhappy with her while they were together and now he is avoiding his friends. I’m still trying to make myself present on social media and we share a friend group again. Are there any steps I should take besides UG for when his relationship does fail again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 12:56 pm

Hi Laura,

Dont ask if you could try again if their relationship.. Just slowly be more engaging with him and don’t sleep with him

Shannon

January 5, 2018 at 4:39 pm

We broke up because I had lied to him once and since he wanted to break up til I actually said I couldn’t do him not giving me he’s all so since I went on NC he contacts me after it’s over texting me asking me how things are he does this daily a whole two weeks til I called to speak to him after that call he text me once

I text him on New Years to wish him a happy holidays he text back but since nothing
Lucille

January 5, 2018 at 4:35 pm

Hello,

I definitely started chasing my ex and I definitely fall into the scenario where he does not want to be chased.

The problem is, I did drop off the face of the earth one week or so ago after saying I’d never speak to him again.

I also removed him off Facebook at the same time.

I will be seeing him in a meeting soon and plan on being polite but professional and cold (for want of a better word) although we will have no reason to speak and I have no reason to believe he will speak to me.

First, Do you think no contact will work for me considering I broke all the rules before I found this website?

Second, I will need to send him some information soon, do I say anything when I send it on or just send it and see if he initiates contact from there so I can ignore him for a bit?

This is all new to me and I want to be sure I do it right if this is to work.

Thanks

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2018 at 11:35 pm

Hi Lucille,
It’s not guaranteed to work in any situation. One week or month is not enough to establish you’re not chasing. So, you need to keep doing more of what you’re doing during nc while slowly building rapport.. What is the information about? And if you’re sending it during nc and expecting him to initiate a conversation after it, that means you’re breaking it..

Nee

January 5, 2018 at 3:24 pm

Did Nc ex text me day out of it Say (how are you ) I answered coldly kept it sweet left him on seen , he texts me 2days later asking me if I could tell him one thing what would it be , so I tol him I missed him we started texting text for text I would write if he didn’t I thought things were going well he will even leave off texting every night to every morning until he suggest us seeing each other now he got sick day of weather was bad but crazy I text get better no here respond back from him 3 days went past til I wished him a happy new year he replied but haven’t heard frm him since what do you think ??

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 7, 2018 at 11:23 pm

Hi Nee,

Restart nc, and do at least 30 days..

Chloe

January 4, 2018 at 9:01 pm

I just want to say a big THANK YOU. This is my exact situation. I’be been chasing lately (a few months ago he chased sometimes but not since three months) and he is the type which was liking to be chased. So I’m following your advice. I didn’t text back after his last response and I’m not texting until he does (I hope he will). Then I’ll take my time to respond and play less interested. I hope this and playing the Ungetable Girl works. When we started dating, he was the one chasing, even if I really liked him since before we started flirting. If I make him chase again, recovering the “power”, I may win. I hope it works.
Lizzie

January 4, 2018 at 8:12 pm

Hi,

I think I’ve really messed up!! My ex contacted me out of the blue asking to be friends. I went with it and things turned sexual (I initiated it) and so we went to friends with benefits. He’s going out partying at the weekend and I asked him not to sleep with anyone else. He got mad and said he should be able to as we’re not together anymore. I said I can’t just be friends so he’s left. I don’t know what to do now? I feel like I pushed too soon and now I’ve ruined it. Is there any hope? He also repeatedly told me he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to get back together. I feel like there’s no hope