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Elizabeth
February 17, 2017 at 12:43 pm
My husband and i are seperated for four years. We have a 4 year old child together. We have been together for over 13 years. The good news is he hasn’t proceeded to divorce and has no urgency to do so. We keep in touch daily n he meet us once a week. Both of us do not have a third party. The bad news is i can’t break down his defence mechanism with me. I know the reasons why he fell out of love with me. It is all caused by me.
Given it has been for four years and i have done one round of NC two years ago n a few broken ones，i do not see doing it now is effective. Also，we have built rapport. However，i can’t get a breakthrough.
How can i take it from here (leverage on our daily contact and regular meetup) and make a break through of the situation / reset his negative image in his head n induce him to desire a full reconciliation?
Elizabeth
February 17, 2017 at 9:03 pm
I wouldn’t ask him to get back together because he would just avoid the question. I did express to him that i expect marriage lasts a lifetime and if there is anything i didn’t do well，i asked him to lead me as he is my husband.
He always knows i want a reconciliation from day one of seperation. I think that is partly why he hasn’t proceeded with a divorce and put things on hold. However，i didn’t make a good consistent improvement to turn around his negative image of me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 10:02 pm
Ok.. well, good that you didn’t beg for him back. honestly, 4 years is a long time but as you said, you didn’t change massively and he knows that you want him back. So, there’s like no mystery for him anymore.. Yeah, you’re not chasing, but in his mind, probably, you’re the ex wife that can’t let go… I hope not though but right now try minimal contact. Do at least 45 days, and keep improving yourself even after that. Because you have to change first, he has to feel he’s losing you while you’re improving yourself. So, that there’s that sense of regret, mystery, interest and wanting you back.. check this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 17, 2017 at 8:46 pm
Hi Elizabeth,
when did you last ask him to be back together? And does he know now how you feel?