Today we’re going to talk about how to deal with an ex that has moved on from you quickly.

There’s a lot to cover here, many of it philosophical by nature but I promise by the end of this article you’ll have a clear idea of what you should do to deal with the devastation of having an ex seemingly replace you with someone else.

Here’s what I plan on talking about,

• The relationship death wheel
• Why you need to stop getting satisfaction from feeling wronged
• The thing everyone misses about a no contact rule
• You are responsible for your own happiness, not your ex
• Your life becomes worthwhile when you have worthwhile goals

Let’s begin!

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The Relationship Death Wheel

I wanted to start first in familiar territory with my fearful avoidant relationship death wheel because I feel it adequately explains the cycle that many exes are caught in.

Take a look at this graphic,

This is my death wheel and it usually explains how most relationships go for our clients exes seeing as how many of them are avoidant,

Ultimately the argument I’m going to make is that for many exes quickly moving on enters into rebound territory BUT the actual ex won’t feel that way.

They’re often caught up in the depression of this phase,

And the reason I call this a relationship death wheel is that it’s seemingly inescapable as long as they remain “avoidant.”

They will crush relationships with the new person.

With you…

With anyone who threatens their independence unless something changes and ironically one of the best ways to “stand out” or “win their affections back” is by leaving them alone.

Letting the wheel spin them around until they start to reminisce about you again. It happens more often than you think. In fact, I made a whole video about it here,

So, really the most important part of “getting an ex back” is what you are doing when you are away from them.

Stop Getting Satisfaction From Feeling Wronged

Many people seem to almost love the fact that they have been done a great injustice. Their ex has broken up with them and replaced them as if they were nothing.

This creates a thought pattern where they feel morally superior over those that have wronged them. They paint themselves as great victims of injustice.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

I’m not saying this is you necessarily but I am saying I have noticed this as a pattern many of our clients fall into.

I think it was Maxwell Maltz who said,

Resentment is a cure that is worse than the disease

In the end resentment will act as a poison to your soul. Ultimately, making your happiness impossible. Instead of thinking about how you can use this breakup as a transformative experience you instead pour all of your energy into feeding that resentment.

Instead of accomplishing something profound and meaningful you facebook stalk your ex. You pick apart their new person.

“She/He is an exact carbon copy of me…”

“Does that mean they still love me if they are dating a puppet me?”

This emotional habit, of feeling sorry for yourself. Of obsessing over your ex will become the very prison you lock yourself in.

So, what is one to do instead?

You Are Responsible For Your Own Happiness, Not Your Ex

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot.

I live in America, for those of you who are reading from overseas and in America we like to propagate this idea that,

“All men are created equal.”

The founding fathers of America came up with that.

Yet, many of them are hypocrites.

• Most of them were slave owners
• Women not given the right to vote

And the statement itself is fundamentally untrue. Not all men are created equal. A fact often reminded to us by Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones,

All men are not created equal. Here is what I do believe though.

Once again, pulling from Maxwell Maltz,

It is fact that by the very act of birth one person is unjustly set out to begin a hard life in a ghetto filled with street crime, while another born a cross town hospital at the same time, that same moment will begin life in a safe suburb. In a sense there is no justice but we may manufacture just results for ourselves.

Stop looking to your ex and their dating life for your own happiness. I think that’s the great trap I’ve seen countless people fall into.

They fall victim to the great lie of, “If I can only get my ex back then everything will be right.”

Their entire happiness revolves around the affections of someone else and this will ultimately leave them disappointed because in the end true happiness is only found by having a meaningful purpose in life.

Your Life Will Become Worthwhile When You Have Worthwhile Goals Outside Of Your Ex

This may be before many of your times but do you remember the show Jersey Shore,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

The premise was pretty simple. A bunch of early twenty somethings go out and party every single night. The guys pick up chicks and try to sleep with them. The girls try to find “the one.”

For some reason this show was a hit and I’ll admit I even watched it but I was always left with this feeling that everyone who got caught up in that party lifestyle was incredibly unhappy.

Going to clubs every night knocking themselves out night after night trying to convince themselves that this was true happiness.

But the end was always the same for every person on that show. In their search for enjoyment all they found was an empty shell.

Sure, one can argue that they had successes but these were fake by nature and often led to many of the shows “contestants?” “Participants?”

Whatever, it often led them to be penalized by an empty joy. A great lie that they had to convince themselves was the feeling of “happiness.”

The truth was that none of these contestants had any worthwhile goals and so they were caught in their own prisons chasing after their own tails trying to find happiness.

And I think the thing I’m learning as I get older is that too much pressure is put on relationships to ensure the other persons happiness.

Just last night I was watching a movie called Before Midnight,

And I thought one of the most powerful moments was this story told by a woman about her grandmother. She said that her grandmother on her deathbed wrote this 26 page letter detailing her life and lessons learned.

Only two paragraphs were dedicated to her husband of sixty years.

Now, you can take this one of two ways.

You can look at how unhappy she probably was in her marriage

Or

You can look at how her big lesson in life is that your partner is an important part of it sure but you need to live for more than just someone else.

Constantly setting new goals that give you meaning. This is how you find happiness in life. This is how you become more attractive to others.

How you become more attractive to yourself.

If life is nothing more than a treadmill. We work eight hours a day so we can pay for a house where we can sleep another eight hours so we can get up to work another eight hours.

Why bother with it?

Why get excited?

Why try?

Goals my friends. If you find something that excites you. That you want to accomplish. That gets you excited to get out of bed in the morning.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

It all suddenly becomes worth it.

Get off the treadmill.

Stop going around in circles obsessing about your ex and what they are doing. Who they are dating.

Focus on YOU.

Find your magnum opus.