The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

sadgirl

September 19, 2013 at 8:50 pm

So here is my issue:
My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We had been on a break for about a week and a half and he decided it would be better off to end it. Dammit! So here is the long story of it all:
I came back from being gone all summer working. I was feeling independent and a little uneasy about being in a 4 year relationship and not knowing where it was going. I was kind of being difficult and not very loving to him which i regret so much. I eventually got up the nerve to talk to him about how i was feeling. I told him I had thought about going and traveling or moving somewhere for school because the small town we live in doesn’t offer too much and he is stuck there for school right now.
Anyway we talked and he thought it would be best to take a break for a bit. A week went by and we met up to talk. We were both emotional as hell and crying up a storm. We told eachother that we wanted to be with eachother but he still thought it would be best to continue our break. I just wanted to be with him and was sorry for all the crap I put him through. He said he wants me to get my life in order because I am currently unemployed and too reliant on him for happiness and entertainment. I totally understand where he is coming from and that is the reason I got so scared about being with him. I realized though the problem is not him or our relationship. It’s me! I let myself go and I became to dependent on him and let myself go. However I still want to be with him. We had a great relationship that never really had any problems other than my insecurities.
So a few days after we (he) decided to continue our break he wanted to meet up again. This time he said he thought it would be best if we just break up. I was devastated and so was he. We met at a public place and we were both crying and it was horribly sad and too much. He said he would always love me and talked about maybe things working out in a couple months but i don’t want to get my hopes up.
I have been an absolute wreck. I know how to be without him because I have left for long periods of time for work before but this is way harder than I imagined. Everyone that knows him tells me he is absolutely heart broken. I can’t understand why he is doing this and not just giving me another chance? All I want is for him to just try things out with me again and we can start off extremely slow and just date.
My worst fear is that he won’t give me another chance. I feel like I maybe gave him too much crap and haven’t appreciated him enough. I wish I could do the past few weeks over but I can’t.

Based on this story, do you think he’ll give me another chance?
I have read a good amount of your posts. I plan on doing the no contact thing and today is day 1. I have job interviews next week and already had one this week. I am feeling good about my life except for him and I. Do you think he is over trying this out? I know he misses me right now and it is probably too soon to tell what he thinks because he doesn’t even know but I am just praying to god it will work out.
Thank you.

admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:53 pm

Hey, you should also grab my E-Book because quite honestly everything is summed up there.

I do think you have a chance but it all depends on how you play your cards. I will be here to help though.

Ava

September 19, 2013 at 7:03 pm

I was involved with a guy for 3 1/2 yrs. He told me repeatedly he didn’t want a girlfriend and stupidly I stayed with him. He sent a lot of mixed messages but I accept responsibilty for the decisions I made to remain involved with him. This past summer things had been going very well. He was attentive and kind but one day started acting sketchy. He would disappear for brief periods and not text back. I believed he was seeing someone else. I was proven right when I discovered he had invited this girl as his guest to his friends wedding. When I asked him about it he got mad and told me that all I needed to know is that he isn’t dating anyone – including me. I decided at that time I couldn’t deal with it anymore. It has been a month and I haven’t seen him but have been communicating with him via text. In the beginning he did try to see me but I resisted. Now I just found out that he is spending more time with this girl and has even taken days off from work to do things with her. We have had breaks in the past and always pursues me when I walk away. Should I just give up hope as he is with this other girl now?

admin

September 20, 2013 at 8:48 pm

Well, whether or not to give up hope is entirely up to you.

I can’t make that decision for you.

However, if you do decide to proceed I will help you out!
Ava

September 23, 2013 at 8:32 am

I am doing nc. I don’t know what else I can do…
Ava

September 27, 2013 at 10:02 am

I have been doing nc for 9 days. Yesterday my ex passed me on the road. I immediately got a text from him asking me where I was going. I was surprised by the question. I did not reply to his text. Was that the right way to handle it?
admin

September 28, 2013 at 2:54 am

Yes!

The fact that you didn’t respond will drive him nuts and trust me that is not a bad thing.

very confused

September 19, 2013 at 4:55 pm

I have been with my bf for almost 2 years. yes we did have our ups and down but we were happy. we always laughed, we saw each other all the time, and we were able to be ourselves completely around each other. we would always text or talk and he would always come see me, even it it was only for 10 minutes. the week that he broke up with me, everything was fine. we went out, he asked me to buy a frame and put a pictire in it so he can put it on his desk. we went out Friday and Saturday and he was great, always laughed and smiled and told me how much he loves me. then 2 days later, he broke up with me. he said he lost feelings and I deserve better because he feels like he’s a letdown. he said I need to be with someone better and he can’t give me what I need. he said he just wants to be friends and doesn’t wanna be with me or see a chance of us working things out. when I asked why, he said he’s just really confused and just needs to work on himself. when I asked if he still loves me, he said he doesn’t want to answer that. it was hard for him to answer some of my questions, he would say he doesn’t know or he doesn’t want to answer. I’m really confused about all of this. we were happy and them this happened out of the blue. Chris, please tell me what this all means. do we still have a chance together? or is it really over?

admin

September 20, 2013 at 7:08 pm

You still have a chance sure.

Quite honestly you should pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO if you want the full rundown of what to do (b/c it is too complicated to explain in a comment.)
very confused

September 21, 2013 at 7:05 pm

where can i find the book?

also, i saw him for his birthday yesterday and he ordered for me for dinner and he would give me these long looks. but then he was acting like my homie. it felt cold with me. do u think i still have a chance now?
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:31 pm

Ebook can be found here.

Sarah

September 19, 2013 at 2:37 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex partner finished our 8 year relationship in June, we live together and have a child together. He has been spending all his spare time with his friends and hardly found time for me and our child, we had not been spending time together as a couple either which I admit I was craving some attention. We both work and have routines with our child, so our only time together would be while eating tea in front of the tv 8pm in the evening. I know I probably didnt help the situation constantly nagging him to help out more or spend some time with us, but my life revolved around work, cleaning, cooking and spending weekends finding things to ammuse our child as he was never around. Apart from the issues I mentioned above, we were happy, we would usually go for meals, short breaks, long holiday’s and even have nice day’s out. I don’t understand why he lost interest in us but I did wonder if him coming close to turning 30 he wanted to have a bit more freedom and do the things he would do before we had our child. He said there is no one else involved, in fact he says he dont have any interest in meeting any one else, he just wants to be single and asked that me and our child leave our home! I have been upset and obviously did shed some tears when we spoke about it at first. I have since tried to be up beat but the issue I have is; how do I do no contact when we still live in the same house and need to communicate about our childs care? He havent been rude or nasty for a while and he does tend to joke about the break-up…..which I find rather strange, I tend to get the impression he doesn’t really know what he want, but I really want him to feel the loss of what it will be like if me and our child does leave, which is why I intend to take a short break before his vacation with his friend’s. Do I have much hope or shall I just leave and not look back?

admin

September 20, 2013 at 6:59 pm

Well, ultimately the decision is up to you. BUT if you decide you want to fight for the relationship back I am here to guide you.
Sarah

September 20, 2013 at 7:29 pm

Thank you for the reply, I have been thinking long and hard about my options and what I really want and I can’t walk away, I truly love this man and as much as i am scared to be rejected again, i know I would be more sad if i dont try! So if you can guide me in getting him back then I am willing to try! Thank you.
admin

September 21, 2013 at 10:52 pm

Ok!

First step is to start a NC rule if you haven’t already.

You can also pick up my E-Book if you want all the steps right now! But first, lets talk about the NC rule.

Andy

September 19, 2013 at 6:03 am

My boyfriend of 6 months dumped me 5 days ago. Unlike typical girls I learned my lesson with previous ex’s that mean are more attracted to a woman that doesn’t beg, doesn’t go crazy, and is respectful and calm and positive after being dumped. I have done just this. When we met up to talk one last time I actually even told him I had plans I was going to be late for but before all that I made him laugh hysterically and reassured him that even though I am bummed we didn’t work out I know I will be okay and will respect him. However I’m sad. Lol. He doesn’t have to know I’m hurting terribly, and I won’t let it show to him either. I have not contacted him since our talk and I plan on going no contact for 30 days. He left out of no where claiming to not see a future with me however a week before that he mentioned marriage and all that stuff. We had a very happy relationship except I think the real reason he left is bc it got somewhat boring towards the end bc I’ve been overwhelmed with school and honestly got lazy for a while. I want him back. I do have good reasons, and as naive as this may sound I have a guy feeling he is the one I will marry. I am only scared of two things. 1. What if he gets a new gf within the 30 days and 2. What if he moves on within the 30 days. Please help me out! Also I will be purchasing stuff from you bc you are full of wisdom and really helping woman.

admin

September 20, 2013 at 6:53 pm

Hi Andy!

Thanks in Advance for the purchase. You have no idea what it means.

1. Usually this doesn’t happen. However, if it does the chances of it being a rebound are higher.
2. Again, this doesn’t usually happen. However, the stuff I teach you in the book should be enough to regain his interest.

Staci

September 17, 2013 at 8:11 pm

Hi Chris,

My boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me on Friday 13th. We spent every Friday together, I would either meet him at his house or meet him after work to enjoy our evenings. On Friday I asked him what time he wants to meet up, he said he was driving to work and don’t worry about it. He has never said that to me before. We’re usually buzzing to see each other on fridays. So when he didn’t follow up, I immediately sent an angry text and told him not to bother and I wouldn’t bother him again. Well, he said he wants to break up at least for a while because he is feeling confused and don’t want either of us to get hurt. Chris, I was devastated. I lost it. Called his mother to talk to him. I sent a mixture of angry and begging texts (out of emotion). I asked him if he still cares about me, he said he does. He says he is just confused. After that, he has stopped responding to my texts. We shared alot of talks and fun times together. We took road trips, etc. 2 weeks ago he took me to a jeweler to size my finger. He said he wanted to marry me. All of the breaking up and now silence was weird and out of the blue. Do you think the NC is worth a try ? OR am I wasting my time ?

admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:33 am

I think it is worth a try.

one of the girls

September 17, 2013 at 9:01 am

hey chris
my ex was in a short relationship before he met me and it was became long distance because he was studying abroad, fortunately for me we study together and he fell inlove with me and he left her and so we proceeded to date for a while ,it was a very deep and emotional relationship and we spent alot of our time together sharing secrets ,smiles, in my eyes he was totally crazy for me and he couldn’t believe i went for him ,one of the hiccups was i heared rumours about him and his ex girlfriend and we had a fight , and i began to be emotional and he was upset that i believed the rumours ,there wasnt exactly a reason for the break-up but we mutually broke up and i told him to sort his shit out cos he looked lost and confused and was stuck between having feelings for two women and when we broke up he held me and cried saying he likes me so much and he doesn’t want to hurt me and he still took care of me, and did the things he did while we were dating ,when we’d go out as a group clubbing i’d be dancing or laughing and everytime i look up ,he was staring longingly at me ,he would always want to make conversation with me, it seems to me like he wanted to like me but he didnt want me to like him if that makes sense, i began to get so iritated and frustrated with what he was doing and i ended up being needy towards him and kept wanting reassurance if he had really truly cared for me and then i told him i never wanna be with him and crazy stuff, he then started ignoring my text messages and then decided to get a rebound woman which he made clear with me meant nothing to him but i went of the radar with the texting and i was so upset and one night i decided to show him how it feels and hooked up with a guy , he saw this and he was pretty upset and the same night he went back to his ex girlfriend while he was still with the rebound girl YET still staring at ME, right now HE is back with his ex girlfriend cos we on summer break , we go back studying in less than a month and i will see him often ,we haven’t spoken or seen each other since summer started and i know u can’t tell me 100% if we can ever get back together , i feel that we had a something that words can’t explain and i would like to get him back , have i screwed up my chances with him completely ? or do i still even have a chance considering he’s back with his ex girlfriend ? he was the right guy at the wrong timing

one of the girls

September 17, 2013 at 11:42 am

chris , ive decided to send u aother message this one telling u my problem and a million other girls who were or re stuck in my position ,in ur site i learnt all girls are similar ,yesterday something reminded me of my ex and i was ired of forcing mself to get over him , insead i came across ur site just before i went to the gym, i couldn’t gym or even think straight cos finally i actually believed i can get my ex back rather than forcing myself everyday to accept its over , and reading the comments and everything i realised one problem US woman have, ur advise is perfect .asi was scrollig through ur site i nodded my head in agreement to what u said and i was so positive and really wanted to achieve this BUT then immediately after i left your site i forget most of the advise that u gave me and all i can remember is i can get my ex back and daydream about it (BIG MISTAKE),and then comes the NC rule which is perfect but us woman are kinda dumb we take it as if we don’t talk to him it means we will get him back but thats lies we need to understand that we need to reinvent ourselves WHILE we don’tcontact him and thats a big problem im sure im not the only one facing , u need to become a BETTER U , another thing is when i read most of the links that relate to me alot of insecurities come up , “whatif we never ever going to get back together ,do i have a chance ,i dont know what im going to do..OMG Lemme ask chris , he will know ” as u see in my comment above its exactly what i did , and then i kept checking ur site to see if u replied to me or daydreaming about how we two are going to reunite and everything would be perfect that i forgot that i actually had a day planned out that and then i had this worry “what if chris says i dont have a chance with him” and then i laughed and i realised i’m not going forward i’m going backwards .. i know without anyone telling me that i do have a chance IF i follow your rules properly regardless of my story , regardless of what he’s doing and i also know that if i dont have him back it WON’T be the end of the world, but the bottom line is girls need to have a life on their own and STOP making guys your life , guys have a big impact in our lives and thanks to hollywood movies we believe in happy ever afters and expecting guys to do everything and then cry when they don’t , sit down and write what ur sole purpose of life is , think to uself what do YOU as an an individual want to do , achieve goals , small steps…. and in ur site u say so many ties u can’t tell a girl if she’s going to be with her ex all u can do is advise and i finally get u
admin

September 18, 2013 at 3:34 am

YESSSSS!

Finally someone understands. You have the right attitude. Not getting him back won’t be the end of the world and if you master that you actually become MORE attractive to your boyfriend.

Katharine

September 16, 2013 at 12:46 am

Kris,

I already emailed my ex boyfriend twice. 1st was a paragraph was after 3 weeks from him breaking up with me. It was a group I started for watercolor painting and how I wanted us to be friends. The 2nd email was after the 4th week telling him the reasons I found for dating him and the breakup – you know…everything happens for a reason.
When he broke up with me it was by text and I responded later that same day with everything happens for a reason I guess but that I would miss him.
I don’t really know if I want him back though. We never argued for the 9 months we were together and I adored him a lot. I’m not sure if it gave him room to ever approach me and when I backed off a bit, he chilled down too – so it worked against me.
He ignored both emails I sent him. It’s been now almost 7 weeks.

What do you think? He’s a guy with a lot of confidence, has a huge salary with a lot of responsibility. I think no contact for life is his motto and I somehow think he can change. I saw him change with me. He is 59 years old.

I really want to be in this guy’s life but maybe as friends. It would so fun to just share with him when I’m happy. I do miss him, I love him but I don’t think he ever loved me in the whole 9 months of seeing me long distance.

admin

September 16, 2013 at 5:26 am

Hi Katharine,

First off it’s Chris not Kris. Hahaha.

Secondly, you sound kind of split if you want him back or not. I would figure that out first before anything.

You might want to check out my LDR post if you are indeed still a distance away from eachother.

J

September 15, 2013 at 7:45 pm

Hi,

I dated my boyfriend for 8 years and he broke up with me 2 months ago because of 2 fundamental reasons – religion and children! These have always been present and they aren’t issues that we couldn’t overcome but I started a new job and he was busy with work and because we were so comfortable together, we got into a rut and we weren’t making each other happy. He also listed this as another reason for the break up! It came as a complete shock – he was devoted to me and then out of nowhere he calls it!

The day after the break I called him and we went for a walk around the park. Then I left him alone for 2 weeks and stupidly sent him the ‘ I miss you’ message which he didnt reply to… Then after a bit of girl antics he called me and we went for another walk! He was so upset and it really looked like we were getting back together … We decided to think on it and meet up the next day! I had thought about it and was convinced that e could work at it and be together but he was on a different page completely – I now had the resolved man who broke up with me… But the day before he was crying and holding my hand!

He sms’d me 2 weeks later to tell me he was going overseas for work and he just wanted me to know – which I replied to – It was a positive and encouraging message! Then 2 weeks after that he SMS’d me a very generic happy birthday message to which I responded ‘thanks’

I think he really loves me and cares about me, but he’s come to a crossroads or is having a bit of a crisis… And I neglected him in the last couple of mo the and he said that it really upset him that he was makin me happy anymore but that I wasn’t making him happy either…

Have I messed up my chances from how I’ve responded/reacted?
I have been really trying to be strong and not text or call because I want him to miss me and to come back…

Is there anything that you can suggest that I do? I really love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him…

Thanks

admin

September 16, 2013 at 5:12 am

I don’t think you hurt your chances at all.

With that being said I still recommend the NC rule for you!
J

September 16, 2013 at 7:11 am

Thanks, will do! Do you think I’m silly to still be holding on to hope?
admin

September 17, 2013 at 12:59 am

No I don’t.

karen

September 15, 2013 at 8:56 am

This is a nice article! I hope you can help me to gain insight pn my situation
My bf of 8 months broke up with me in early august, because “we are comfortable but it doesn’t mean it’s gonna go anywhere.” and he said I was obsessed with the relationship (We hanged out twice a week and if he didnt text me that day, I texted him once a day, not more than that.)

After one month of no contact, about two weeks ago, I was the one who broke it by asking him if I could have my stuff back. He suggested getting a drink and we did. He looked pretty happy to see me, and bought me the drinks and gave me a very friendly hug. I wasn’t expecting him to be this enthusiastic since before he broke up with me, he’s very cold and distant like he didn’t care about me at all. But during the meet up, he asked me how my life was the past month, more about what I will do after I graduate in coming May. And along the conversation, brought up the restaurants we’ve been to before. He even noticed how I changed my phone wallpaper when I didn’t flash it to his face and he said my teeth were whiter (lol what?)Before parting, said it was good to see me and we should catch up again sometime.

A few days later, me and my friend ran into each other at a bar . He seemed very excited when he saw me and asked if I would join him. My friend hates him very much because he dumped me. So I said we need to grab some drinks first. Two guys at the bar talked us and invited us to join their table, not that far away from my ex since it was a small bar. we talked to them for a bit and my friend said he was looking at my direction. Soon we left to go back to my ex, he was like so you ready to join the table. I hanged around for a few min and talked very briefly before he turned away to talk to his friend. Once he turned away, my friend insisted me to leave immediately and said I dun need to say goodbye. Later he texted me “you disappeared” and I texted back saying “I literally got dragged away, my friend wanted to leave. did yell goodbye lol. sorry, didn’t mean to be rude.” he replied rite away “haha enjoy the night.” Next morning, I texted him asking where he went afterward and he asked me how I was and my night.

Since the meet up, we have commented on each others’ FB for a couple of times. Recently I needed some advice and I knew he probably knows most about those matters so I texted him for some advice, and he was quite enthusiastic when he replied.

We don’t talk on regular basis. Last time we talked was on thursday when I asked him for some advice.

I am not sure what to take from his behavior. Does he still care about me? Did I screw up the chances of him wanting me back by what I did at the bar – talk to other guys when I knew he was watching (just talk, no flirting) and then “disappeared” (thanks to my friend lol) Does he just want to be friends? or he just see me as a back up or someone to hold on until his next gf come?

admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:02 am

He may have felt a little down about the bar thing but I wouldn’t dwell on it too much if I was you. Dwelling gets you no closer to what you want.

Have you started the NC rule?
Karen

September 16, 2013 at 5:24 am

I did the NC for one month after the break-up. Then I broke it by asking if I could have my stuff back. And we started sorta talking again.

Yesterday, he asked how things (that I asked him for advice) went. We exchanged 4-5 texts about it. And it ended by me thanking him for his help.

should I start NC again and wait for his next step?
admin

September 17, 2013 at 12:55 am

Actually, I would progress through the texting now. I think you have done NC long enough at this point.

Kendrick

September 15, 2013 at 12:28 am

Is it okay to text her in between the First Contact text and Remembering the good times text if she texts first?

admin

September 16, 2013 at 3:38 am

Yes it is!

N

September 14, 2013 at 10:48 am

Hey there. I really loved your article. It was really insigntful. I need your help to proceed with getting my ex back. We dated 3 years, and broke up 4 months ago. It was a long distance relationship, for the final 9 months. He moved, to med school, which was stressing him out, a lot. And I wasn’t helping the situation, since I missed him so much, and acted needey. We have been in recurring contact, since the break up. But, I reacted crazy at first, with the begging calls and texts. I then started no contact, for like 3 weeks. And after that, I did text him. He has his exams, but only ever responds to my texts. Never initiates contact. Do I have a chance? How do I proceed?

admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:31 am

Yes you have a shot.

Start by implementing NC!

Upset

September 13, 2013 at 3:02 pm

Hi Chris,
I was really hoping you could help me. My ex and I have been dating since February. We met when we were studying abroad and he was the one who pursued me and promised me the world. Eventually, I fell for him too and we began dating. I was his first girlfriend, his first love, first girl to be introduced to his family.. basically I was special and he never forgot to mention it (even the days leading up to our break up). He thinks I am extremely funny, the most beautiful girl ever, very intelligent, wise, have a heart of gold, etc. He said he loved that he was dating his best friend, he wanted to be with me for a long time, that he loves me more than I will ever know, and that I am a huge part of his life.

The day before he broke up with me (this past weekend), he told me he was in love with me and that I am awesome. Even hours before he broke up with me, we were studying and he kept trying to get my attention to tell me he loves me. Since it was the beginning of the new fall semester, I have been emotional and he has been stressed with balancing school, two jobs, and his free time. We were fighting more than usual and I was upset about other things (such as my friends). On Sunday (when he broke up with me), things were fine and he was being cute but then later that day I started getting really emotional about something my friend did and he said he couldn’t deal with our relationship right now because he’s got a lot of shit on his plate, we have been fighting a lot, and he feels like the relationship was draining him and making him unhappy.

This came as a complete shock because we always have such an amazing time together except when we fight which usually only really happens when we drink (but we quickly make up). Everyone thinks we are a great couple and that we complement each other really well. Also, again, I am his first girlfriend and he doesn’t understand that fighting is natural (his parents divorced when he was young). We are in classes together, and he is super nice/flirty, and he has contacted me through social media and other apps since. I don’t initiate anything with him. On Wednesday he asked me to get lunch with him and I brought up our relationship and said we can fix our problems and that we won’t fight. He wouldn’t believe it. He was convinced we would continue fighting and still stood by the idea that he couldn’t do a relationship right now and needs to focus on himself. He said he wanted to be my best friend. The lunch ended badly with him starting to yell at me. Maybe I brought it up too soon.

The next day (yesterday) he texted me and asked me if I was ok and apologized for what happened during lunch and that we got out of hand. An hour later he texted me again saying he hopes I got home safely (because I was doing a long drive from school) and then ended it with that he’s glad I got home safely and inserted a smiley face. So.. what do you think I should do? I can’t avoid him because we have class, I know he loves me to death (he would tell me I’m the love of his life all the time), but he can’t deal with a relationship right now.. A similar thing happened in July but then he got back with me a day later. Please help!!

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:30 pm

Ok, you should try a limited contact rule. This is what I would do if I was faced with your situation.

Nina

September 13, 2013 at 5:20 am

Your blog/ website has been extremely helpful to gain further perspective. However, I still feel lost with my situation. Here is my story. It started with my ex-bf (Ryan) and I talking on the phone and email (I met him through friends). We’re both around the age of 30. He lived in Newton, MA and I lived in Los Angeles, CA. We finally met up after 3 months of talking on the phone, and that only happened because I was visiting some friends in Boston. We decided to meet up as I was out there…I wasn’t too impressed with him. He seemed lonely, depressed, and not outgoing. But he was sweet and caring. I decided to continue to talk to him…He came out to visit me in LA. We really hit it off. I think we both wanted to find love and a relationship. The conversations were smooth, everything was great! He even asked me to be his girlfriend. I thought we were moving fast…I told him I wanted to think about it, as I didn’t want to make the wrong move. I thought about it, and did feel I had a strong connection with him and that he was someone I could be in a relationship with. We did long distance for close to a year, where we saw one-another every month. Anytime we would meet up, things were fun, care-free, we really enjoyed each other’s company. About 6 months into our relationship, I felt that I was falling in love, and I told him. I was disappointed when he told me he didn’t feel the same way. He told me wanted more time, that he didn’t want to tell me something he didn’t mean. I respected that, he was honest, and I felt at that time he didn’t use the word love so easily…that it was something truly special. In only a matter of weeks we started fighting…I’ll admit most of the fights were tolerable, some of them made me cry, some of them made him mad, some of them made me mad, it was like we were learning to accept the flaws, good bad about each other…So it still felt like we wanted to make it work, especially because we both said we wanted to make it work. A month or so after that the fights got uglier. But it seemed that he was starting to pick the fights for no reason. He was starting to say things to me that felt like an attack. He would put blame on me. He made me feel like if something wasn’t his way, it was my fault. He would get annoyed talking things out. He would try to communicate over text. And when we saw each other he acted like everything was normal. Then one day he said to me-he wasn’t happy, he was confused about the relationship, he wasn’t sure if he was sexually or physically attracted to me, and he said he wasn’t sure if he was ever going to fall in love with me. I lost my mind. I started crying. I was heart broken that I spent 1 year dating someone who felt this way. I told him how hurt I was and he didn’t say sorry. He said he was being honest. It didn’t feel right that he didn’t feel my pain at all. Right there and then…I told him we should break up. He said fine. We hung up the phone that day. He texted me a few minutes later saying I’m sorry. I didn’t know if he was sorry for what he said or if we broke up. I never asked. Since then I closed contact with him. It’s been about 30 days now. He text me every few days- I responded, but the text messages were short hey’s, hello, hi, how’s your day. Why I am confused: I found it easy to fall in love with him. He just seemed so perfect for me. But he never told me he loved me. He is still texting me and I am not sure why? I don’t know if I am suppose to tell him I still have feelings for him? I am not sure if I am suppose to try to attempt a relationship with him again, when he spelled it out so clearly that he wasn’t in love? What if he never learns to express himself through fights, through this relationship? Most of all I am scared if I get back together with him, it will be 6 months later and he tells me he is confused again. Look forward to your response! Please help….

admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:14 pm

You live in LA huh? I have always wanted to go there.

Well, what do you want? What would make you happiest? Getting him back or moving on? I think either way a good place to start is by implementing a no contact rule.
Nina

September 13, 2013 at 9:12 pm

What would make me happy is to have him back in my life. but would it be stupid to get back together with someone who is so clear on telling me he is confused, or that he’s not physically or sexually attracted to me? How did he end up dating me for a year if that’s how he felt? My concern is he is going to break my heart again down the road. yes I agree no contact rule is great and it’s been almost 30 days since we have talked on the phone or seen each other. Nc rule def works but now what? Am I suppose to get back together with someone I love but may not love me back?
admin

September 15, 2013 at 12:59 am

Youve commited this much effort so you mine as well see it through. I recommend following the process outlined in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Kay

September 12, 2013 at 9:53 pm

Hi There,
My boyfriend and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. It was my decision but I was hoping he would want to work things out. He says he still loves me and that i’m his dream girl but that he needs space right now and doesn’t know what the future will hold. I’m completely in shock. He was head over heels for me a month ago! How can someone say that want to marry you, but they don’t want to work things out just yet? Anyway, he’ll be out of town for the next 2 weeks and has contacted an old fling in the town that he’ll be visiting. I’ve been miserable and have attempted the NC rule, but he always initiates contact after a few days for a silly reason. We are not on bad terms, so when I don’t respond he thinks I’m being rude. Can this work with someone who is dead set on “being friends for now”?

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:14 am

You need to be strong in NC girl. For real, who cares if you are being rude. NC is for you and it will just make him want to talk to you more after the 30 days is up.
Kay

September 14, 2013 at 4:33 pm

And what if it takes less than 30 days (during my NC) for him to ask me to meet up?
admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:42 am

The whole point is to get that one on one date after some time has gone by. So, I would recommend still to wait 30 days BUT if you want to go ahead and meet up then go for it!
Kay

September 18, 2013 at 5:09 pm

He’s currently out of town(and will be for another week) on a vacation we were supposed to go on together. He texts me often, even once to tell me that he’ll leave me alone (which he obviously hasn’t done) and I haven’t responded. It’s been a week of NC and It’s killing me! He already met up with his old fling after I didn’t respond to his texts and he’ll probably do it again this weekend since I’m still not responding. I feel like I’m pushing him into this girl’s arms. Explain to me again how this is supposed to work. 🙁
admin

September 19, 2013 at 2:03 am

Have you read this post: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/
Kay

September 13, 2013 at 10:44 pm

We also play on the same volleyball team in a league every week. He has asked me not to quit. And I made a commitment to the captain. What am I supposed to do in terms of NC there??
admin

September 15, 2013 at 1:06 am

Well, you still show up to volleyball and you can talk to him but make it very simple, pleasant and brief.

Taryn

September 12, 2013 at 5:56 pm

So I just came across this site but I did research on this topic myself a little over a month ago. Me and my ex had our problems and he broke up with me. I spent a lot of time trying to get him to “work things out” until I finally realized that only pushed him away. Well I went no contact for a month. We came in contact again – I started the Convo and he was receptive. I ended the Convo and then that week after he initiated contact with me atleast 3 times and I kept it short and collected. Anyway we do live very close to each other one morning I drove by him and he was with another girl I made a comment in a civil manner about seeing them and he followed immediately with oh where are ya headed today but I just did not have it in me to respond without emotions so I left it at that. Again, he contacted me a few times after that and we talked casually and short each time. Until one night I went to a show and asked him what he was up to and he responded going to the city and I said on a date and he responded there and I just lost it. I basically looked very jealous, insecure and bitchy. To redeem myself the next day I tried to “talk” which lead to me looking and feeling needy, still I did not stop there I continued to ask him to meet up and talk both times I contacted him like this I was drunk which obviously doesn’t make a difference on the impression. My question is what do I do now? Is there a chance? He is dating someone new and I feel like I just pushed them closer. The girl he is dating is not very attractive which obviously looks aren’t everything. I know that they have a lot in common. Similar jobs and hobbies and I’m still in college. It just hurts he would choose her over me we were best friends/together for 2 years and they probably have known each other a month at best. Any thoughts ??

admin

September 13, 2013 at 4:05 am

Believe it or not looks are important to a guy. Though you are right they aren’t everything. A bad personality on a good looking girl will turn me off eventually.

Have you tried NC?
Taryn

September 13, 2013 at 5:06 am

Yes NC for a month, I initiated it the first time then he was initiating contact with me while he was dating this girl but then I acted lbasically like a drunk psycho when I found out he was probably staying at her place in the city. He knows how I feel about us and our relationship and that I still love him. Anyway I really just want a guys opinion I love the guy but really if he is going to choose her over me is it worth it. Would he even respect me afterwards. How much can one care if they behave this way?? It really makes no sense
admin

September 13, 2013 at 6:12 pm

I think in the end it all boils down to what makes you happiest. With him or without him? To get him back you are going to have to put in some effort so you have to be willing to put that effort in. You can’t be half in half out.
Taryn

September 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

Well I do miss him but do u think there’s a chance even though he is dating this other girl and my crazy side came out about it. I was no contact for a month , is that what I should do again
admin

September 17, 2013 at 1:22 am

I think that is the best way forward honestly.
Taryn

September 12, 2013 at 6:12 pm

I forgot to mention that we also met up and went on a date before this all went down to a place that we used to and it was great

Momo

September 12, 2013 at 7:40 am

I wrote my whole story but i am such an introvet that i dont want my story to be left on the web 🙁
Anyway i have done exactly what u said
1-i am now at the last stage , asked to to meet he said no
2- our reason of breakup is his family opposing our marriage so he is afraid to call because i blamed him long time for letting me wait for nothing.so he is used now on me calling on occasions
3-i am tried. When he said no to meeting i asked him if he loves me , he said i will call you tomorrow and never did
4- he went on vacation ( planed long time before) the next day for 5 weeks and didnt give me his abroad number and turned the one i know off
He is coming tomorrow ,Do i keep trying? I truly love him or should i let go and wait for him? (put in mind that he is used on me calling for the past 2 years and sometimes when i push too hard he resists too hard)

admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:44 am

Ok, so hes not ready to meet up that is ok. Lets give him some time before you try anything else major. You don’t have to go into NC but you might want to check out my new post to get a few new ideas on how to proceed.

ash

September 11, 2013 at 4:30 pm

hey:)

somehow my comments are missing..

anyways here s the story…m proud first of all…i completed my NC and today i texted him..asked him how his brother s wedding went blah blah..and he replied almost in 10 mins…but t was just a ‘ya’…i jus said m busy as m going out bye:)…no reply then..
now how long should i wait before i send the next text? him replying jus a ya..is t a good sign??

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:35 am

Hey I answered your comment already but let me clarify. It is not what you are shooting for. Just “ya” isn’t good enough.

BUT you are doing amazing, seriously. You are one of the few women to actually make it through NC.
Ash

September 12, 2013 at 4:44 am

Hahhaha thanks chris…i made sure i was really busy n days jus flew off..

Yeah evn i felt bad that it was just a “ya”… But it was better than no reply…i felt a little confident that he was paying attention but yeah wasnt excited to spk to me..thought will giv him some more tym…n then will c how its gonna shape up!!

So how long do i wait befor i send my next msg?
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:34 am

Well, if it is a negative or neutral response you have to wait a week.

Shar

September 11, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Hi
Its been almost 5 months since my boyfriend broke up with me now. But we have been in very good touch all thru. Talking almost everyday.
But we live in different cities now. That was one of the reasons he wanted to end it cz he was going away. But we had a long distance r’ship b4 too and i didnt get wat the prob was this time. I have tried asking him what the exact reason was but all he says is dat it wasnt an overnight decision and the reasons arent clear to him but the only thing clear to him is dat it wont work anymore. We had been together for 3 years and everything was so gr8! But he ended it saying he had thought bout it and plus he was leaving the city. But he still texts me almost every day. We still talk to each other and i know he isnt in touch with any of his other friends the way he is with me. But he also says he never misses me and is completely over me and doesnt want to think about our r’ship again. He says its better for me this way considering the hardships he has to face in his job and he wants to keep me away from all that. And he doesnt want the complications in his life. He is extremely career-oriented.
Do u think it is still possible to get him back using nc given that it wasnt an impulsive decision on his part, we arent in the same city and dat it has been over 5 months now? I know he isnt seeing any1 else yet.

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:30 am

I stopped reading at “talking everyday”

Hahaha do NC!

ash`

September 11, 2013 at 1:43 pm

hey chris,

done with my NC and i texted him today and the message was abt his brothers wedding..and i got back a very neutral response from him…it was jus a ‘ya’..i replied back tellin m heading out bye;) for which he did not reply…what should i do now..wait for how many days before i send the next text?

admin

September 12, 2013 at 3:27 am

Hey congrats on making it through the NC rule.

Wait 1 week before trying again. This told you something though, you need to have a more intriguing first contact text that will get him hooked.
Ash

September 12, 2013 at 4:52 am

Haha thank u !! Ilthanks fr answering twice ;p

Technically m gonna send my first text the foll week!! Yest was the wedding n i really wanted to ask abt it..it really wasnt like finding means to talk to him!!
Yeah ll try after one week n ll let u knw…n btw can i answer him if he calls me during this one week?
admin

September 13, 2013 at 3:35 am

I wouldn’t answer if I was you but if you want to then go ahead haha.
ash

September 15, 2013 at 4:51 pm

correction…month of not talkin..in short after NC
ash

September 15, 2013 at 4:50 pm

hey
i jus need an opinion,,
if the damage was huge…n sucha thing never happened before he is obv gonna take a long time to respond right? i knw i hav to take t slow but i feel down coz after more than a month of talkin..he never missed me!! never spoke to me..i don even knw if he is interested anymore…yeah i will keep trying but i wanna knw if these things are like signs or something…
admin

September 16, 2013 at 4:54 am

He might take a long time to respond.

I do think he will miss you at some point though.

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