The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Lara

August 16, 2013 at 11:34 am

Today he removed me from that list.I lost all hope.I do not have any chance or?

Lara

August 16, 2013 at 5:03 pm

And he is behaving strange like saying stuff he never said.He kinda called a girl babe.And that’s ehhh weird cause he normally wouldn’t call anyone that not even his girlfriend and some other stuff.
Lara

August 17, 2013 at 1:07 pm

And now he is Angery at his Friend Saying she made it Worse..
admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:07 am

Back up, I kinda lost my bearings here (very sorry) why is he angry again?
Lara

August 18, 2013 at 10:22 am

Because he says his Friend made it worse.Our relationship,he gives her the fault

Rosie

August 16, 2013 at 3:39 am

so i cheated on my ex bf, broke up with him, then i came back to him where it turned we had huge fight and now im applying the NCR. Only my closest friend knew about this.

But my other friends who doesn’t know about this keep asking about us. Of course I don’t want other people knows that I broke up with him already (worst i cheated on him). Instead I’m pretending that I’m still in relationship with him.

It is torturing as right now I’m having the most challenging NC period (15 days to go).

what should i do?

*sigh*

admin

August 17, 2013 at 2:44 am

Take comfort in the fact that you are already doing the right thing with the NC Rule. Make this about you mostly though. This is a time for YOU to improve.

an

August 15, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Hey 🙂 so I messaged a little while ago but cant find my original message now. To remind it was about my ex constantly asking after me and texting me out of the blue asking about silly stuff aka a dvd from a box set?

I finally plucked up the courage to send a nondescript message saying I had it. Along with a little joke. He replied right away.wuth a little joke.

I waited a while before replying as I was flying but now haven’t heard anything.

Im worried im over analysing. What should.my next step be?

Thanks x

admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:47 am

Don’t text him back until a couple of days pass.
an

August 16, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Sorry posted on the wrong bit.

I think he didnt reply rihht away because of time differencr which I forgot about. Im on holiday. He replied saying he was away for a little while and coming back to my joke. And that he would text in a few weeks to “swing by and get it”.

I replied a while later again due to time difference and said I was out of the country. Wished him a good hol. And ended the convo as you recommend. He then replies within seconds.

Next steps? Do I just wait now until he is back?

X
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:24 am

Yup!

kym

August 15, 2013 at 4:20 pm

Hi,

After 2 months of no contact my ex sent me an email after we saw each other at a social event. I did respond but haven’t heard from him since, it’s been a week now. A friend said we’ve re-opened the line of communication. Does this mean it’s a good idea for me to send him an email to stay in contact?

admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:30 am

Why not text him? If you can’t then I would send another email.

Dandy

August 15, 2013 at 3:24 pm

My situation is a bit strange. Basically we only dated for 3 months, but we both normally don’t get into stuff so 3 months is pretty long considering the both of us. I’m 21 and he’s 20. We were going slow but things were going very well throughout, no fights and we really enjoyed spending our time together. I don’t exactly know why but towards the end of the third month, I started freaking out because I was most probably moving away in a year. Being emotional, I started thinking far ahead and was scared I’d end up getting hurt and end up hurting him as well. I knew he had a past relationship that ended badly so I didnt want to put him through something like that again. So I ended things based on the fact that I’m most probably moving away and would hate for the both of us to end up hurt. He was very upset. We met up for the last time as a goodbye and spent an amazing night together, it was his suggestion that we have our last day together. During the week that followed we kept in contact and things happened between us so we entered this confused state where we were still acting like we were dating, but I started feeling a slow distance on his part. When I finally talked to him about it after two weeks, we realized we were on two different pages. I thought we were back together and he thought that I broke up with him and just pretended like nothing happened so his distance was a way of dealing with things. We decided to meet up and talk about it to clear things up. He said we had two options which basically were to jump into it or end it. I was leaning more towards us staying together. He was leaning more towards ending it because he had a feeling we’d be in this same situation a year from now when I leave, with more feelings and it would hurt even more then. I didn’t handle it very well the two weeks after that, I got too emotional and tried to convince him that we should get back together. But it was like we switched roles, when I was convinced that we shouldnt be thinking that far ahead, he was convinced otherwise. He said I wasn’t being rational and that I was only thinking with my emotions, and he told me why long distance wouldnt work. I explained to him how there is a huge chance that I might be staying (my circumstances had changed) but that did not make a difference. It was a sad conversation and he did tell me how he was falling for me when we were together and how he had meant everything he ever said to me. I went NC for two weeks then we talked and the conversation came up again and this time something new came out about how he has commitment issues and that the problem was he had feelings for me and that he couldnt control them, so he did not want feelings at all. I didn’t understand it that well but I tried to accept that he had some issues going on, even though I had a hard time believe it. When hurt, you always tend to be overwhelmed by negative thoughts. We just agreed to be friends. I talked to him casually for the week after, but he was being distant. So I went NC again for two weeks, and the first time he contacted me, I was very surprised. He was being positive and friendly, and said he was distant because he needed to deal with things, and that he wanted us to be friends and not turn into strangers. So when I asked him what type of friendship this was, he said to me that he was not trying to hook us up and that he didn’t want to lose me as a person, and that he enjoyed spending time with me. This left me quite confused so when I asked him how this would go, he said you can’t really tell…we could end up drifting or becoming best friends. This ofcourse angered me, but I was being neutral and more leaning to positive. I week after that I texted him casually, and we met up that weekend and it was a good hang out, after not having seen him for two months. But I still realized for the coming two weeks after that he was still being very distant. Some days he acts positive and others very neutral or extremely passive. He wanted to meet up with me once when he was with his friends, but I was out of town. All this off and on got me on edge. In the end, I just got tired of all the distance and still being emotional I told him I wanted to meet up for us to talk. I calmly asked him about the distance and he made up some excuse, and then about the reasons of why exactly we’re ended and this is when he was angered. He changed the subject and said I can’t ask him that, and I’m seeing 3 other guys. So apparently due to a misunderstanding he thought I was seeing 3 guys due to the conversation we had when he approached me to be friends, when really it was 3 guys that asked me out and I had rejected all of them which I explained, but which he told me I wasn’t clear about. He found out I still had feelings for him, and also indirectly confessed that he still had feelings for me when he said “I wouldnt have approached you if I was over it” “Thats what the distance is I just bury my feelings” Either way I asked him to explain to me his commitment issues, and all I understood was that he “can’t be committed to something”, and its like that with all aspects of his life, even his friends, and that it has more to do with his character than his past, and that relationships always end badly. I told him how I still had feelings for him and wanted us to be together, and that I enjoyed spending my time with him. He followed with ” I enjoy spending my time with you, thats why I thought we could be friends and hang out every once in a while”. From then the conversation turned very emotional and escalated when I told him that it hurts me to be friends when he doesnt want to be with me and he told me that, its not that he doesnt want to be with me but in a relationship you have to be perfect and that he wasnt perfect and that i deserved to be with somebody amazing and that I dodged a bullet. I told him I was okay with his issues and that I’d support him with whatever he’s going through and he just said “but im not okay with it”. I went NC for a couple of days, then sent him a sweet goodbye message, as closure for the both of us, which explained a part why we cant be friends since we both still have feelings. Two weeks after that I was traveling away for the summer so I contacted him, he was neutral, and told him if we should really take things slow if its about commitment, and that we should just go with the flow and not think too much about things and that I would be away for 2 months, that we’d take it as an off as space to let things cool down and start out fresh after that if that something he wants. I recieved no response for that which I do interpret as complete rejection so from then I just went full on NC for about 3 weeks until I text him about something which I accidentally did. He was positive though and just asked how he is and he asked the same, that’s it though. I didnt drag the conversation further and went NC for another 3 weeks and still going. Now I’m just still confused about everything and don’t know if I should approach him in a month asking for a friendship or just talk to him casually cuz I’m very honest with him and I hate playing games. I’m a bit more in control of my emotions now but it would still hurt alot to see him with somebody else, I dont really know what to do. I’m not needy or desperate, I just still have a lot of genuine feelings for him. Don’t understand what’s going on on his side, and don’t know if I should just stay NC forever or try to apporach him asking for a friendship like what he did (even though he was distant), cuz obviously it doesnt seem like he wants us to be togeher ever. I don’t know what the deal with him is. I understand as humans we deal with situations differently, but it still doesn’t make sense to me. I want him in my life because I care a lot about him, but im not sure the right way to go about this.
Sorry this was a long read, but would really appreciate your reply 🙂

admin

August 16, 2013 at 3:27 am

Are you doing anything to reignite his feelings when you text him? What did you do to make yourself into an ungettable girl during NC?
Dandy

August 16, 2013 at 11:13 am

After he approached me as friends, during that time I did a little flirting and bringing some old memories up but he’d kinda disappear. The problem is I think everytime he feels his feelings are reigniting he pulls away, maybe that’s why most of it wasn’t effective. During the NC before, he noticed that I was out going to parties with friends and meeting new people and seeing new places. He also noticed the way I looked and mentioned I looked pretty. During now’s NC I’ve been working out, although he likes my figure, but been toning up and staying in shape for myself. I also picked up my guitar again and been dedicated to it throughout. Been doing some reading as well. Still going out and socializing, but he knows im abroad for the next month. So don’t know where to go about it from here. What do you think?
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:08 am

Keep doing what you are doing. You sound awesome! I especially like your guitar skills 😉
Dandy

August 18, 2013 at 7:22 am

Alright! Really appreciate how you take the time to help and answer everyone 🙂 Take care Chris!
admin

August 19, 2013 at 3:07 am

Absolutely! I really appreciate people who comment on the site!
Dandy

August 17, 2013 at 11:17 am

He seems to be really convinced that relationships end really badly, so he’d rather be alone even if he gets lonely or still has feelings.
He literally went from:
“I thought we could work out” and asking me if “I believe we have a future together” (which my mistake I answered “no” to because I was freaked out, I explained to him later on though that I do).
to “I thought a lot about this and don’t see how it could work” and when I asked him if he thinks we’d ever work and he said “no, I don’t see it”, which still kind of confuses me.
admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:00 am

His mind could change in the future, heck my mind can change about a lot of things.
Dandy

August 17, 2013 at 11:06 am

Thanks a lot Chris 🙂 ! I’m currently still in the last NC though, 3rd week, and he hasn’t contacted me at all.

Think I should stay NC for another month?
or kinda start your texting advice in a couple of weeks?

You think there’s any hope with guys who claim to have commitment issues and constantly freak out 😛 ?

I noticed from the time period between when he approached me to be friends till when we stopped contact again because of the emotional conversation: that it’s like he runs every time he feels he’s letting me in, won’t let me get close enough.
admin

August 18, 2013 at 3:58 am

I think you should start my texting advice.

Angela Christy

August 15, 2013 at 7:30 am

My ex boyfriend got back together with his ex girlfriend of 4 years… He always wanted to see me but i always rejected him. I finally said yes though, it was closure for me. For him it was confusion. Now he texts me everyday calling me baby and asking how i am like the old times. I dont know how to respon. NCR? i dunno. I dont want to be disrespectful to his girlfriend or to anybody else. But he tells me he still loves me. And he wished he didnt have feelings anymore for his girlfriend. Should i continue communication?

admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:03 am

Good question, I am kind of split here because I don’t want to give advice that can potentially break up a relationship. I feel that he does have legitimate feelings for you BUT you also have to question if he just wants a quick lay or he wants something more serious.

Sara

August 14, 2013 at 10:38 pm

I love all your advise. I have been in a relationship for just about 2 years. I broke up with him because he is confused about what he wants out of life. He has a son and I have 2 girls. He says blending families is too hard and he isn’t sure he wants to be a family. He says he thinks he might but isn’t sure. He moved out and wanted to still be together. I tried that for a month and decided he needs to figure out his life because I wasn’t feeling good about us anymore. He has already texted me he misses me and loves me (day 1) but I want to try the NC program. My only worry is that he is a very literal person and if I ignore him he will think I want nothing to do with him when that is the opposite. I just want him to realize it’s me he wants to be with. Any additional thoughts on this?

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:49 am

Well, if he thinks you want nothing to do with him that means he will be extra receptive to your first contact text. At least that has been my experience.

sarah

August 14, 2013 at 2:52 pm

I don’t know how what you have covered can help me. I am still living with my ex because we have a child together so he has let me stay for now but I have got somewhere sorted out but its going to take a few months. I have been with him for over 7 years but now it had ended. He has started seeing someone else but she lives in a different country so I can’t see it working. What would be the best thing for me to try and do I still have a chance?

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:19 am

Give him his space for a little bit and then slowly but surely work your way back in with him.

Stephanie

August 14, 2013 at 1:42 pm

This website is great. Thanks for sharing all of this information. I have a weird circumstance. I had been together with my boyfriend for a year, and we had a wonderful, healthy relationship and he lived with me. We were even discussing getting married. I went abroad about two months ago for a year, and our communication was not going very well. No fights, I just neglected the relationship because I think I was freaking out about being abroad and everything. So, he just broke up with me to start a relationship with one of our mutual friends about two weeks ago. I honestly think he just freaked out about me being gone. This kind of behavior is very uncharacteristic for him. We had nearly daily conversations over Skype for about a week afterward, and he said that he was not interested in getting back together, but he was very patient to talk through everything with me. I did NC for a week, and we just talked again today for the first time. I kept the conversation very light and hung up first. He is supposed to come out to visit in 2 weeks, and he is still planning to come. I want to try your NC rule, but I also think it might be important for him to see me and remember what it’s like to be with me. I also want him to understand that I know I was neglecting the relationship. What do you suggest? Should I call off the visit because it is so soon or should I let him come out here so that we can talk through everything? Any other advice? I want him back!

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:10 am

Well, the NC rule is something that I advocate. However, if you think it is best that you give him a taste before you go NC then do it. However, if you meet him in person make sure you act confident, happy, pleasant and control much of the conversation.

Brittany

August 14, 2013 at 10:29 am

I left the country as had to return home and my boyfriend was going to follow three months later as we are both from the same country but been living overseas together for a couple of years. We had a lot of arguments up to me leaving and the week I got back home he said he didn’t want to be with me then I heard from my friend that he slept with two girls instantly like the next couple of days after we broke up. We’ve been broken up for 6 weeks now. I didn’t contact him even thought he tried with me and then I eventually contacted him back after two weeks of no contact. I then went on another no contact for another two weeks. Since then I caved and been back in contact. He’s said he wants to be with me again, and has been messaging me everyday since then just casual texts seeing how im doing and wat I’m up to. But he’ was still casually (like once a week apparently) sleeping with one of the girls he originally slept with. He said once I get there (I’m going back once I organise my visa in about three months time as got a good job offer I couldn’t refuse) hel be waiting at the bus stop with flowers and going to try get me back. But what happens in the meantime while he still sleeps with this girl. He says he didn’t know if i was going to talk to him again after what he did or if il even come back that’s why he’s sleeping around, but now that I said I’m coming back he’s sending me texts but I don’t know how genuine he is and I feel he probably will sleep with this girl in the meantime, I want him to chase me and earn my trust again but he just seems to be having his cake and eating it too with having me there when I get back and probably sleeping around in the meantime. Will no contact work for me when I’m on othersides of the world? If I’m not in contact he will probably assume I’m not coming back and move on I would think. Our contact right now is like we are kinda starting again flirty messages back and forth on a daily basis. It’s going to be another 3 months until I get there. But I need something to change. I want him to change and chase me. Not just when I’m conviently in the same town as him? Help?

admin

August 15, 2013 at 2:57 am

It can work for you yes. However, my question to you is what is your plan going forward. In my opinion for a relationship to survive the two people need to see eachother in person a few times a month. Is there any way you could see him in person in the future if you were to get back together?
Brittany

August 15, 2013 at 3:28 am

Well yes I will be moving back to the same town in three months. It’s just that time in between that I’m worried about it, what if he just continues to sleep around because I’m not there
admin

August 16, 2013 at 1:47 am

He might, that is a fact you will have to accept. He is single though so he is allowed. Realize that it might very well be a coping process so he doesn’t have to face the hurtfulness of a breakup.

Unsure

August 14, 2013 at 5:15 am

Hello Chris!

Just wanted to tell you about my situation, and your thoughts about my situation. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for just over 1 and a half years. I am about a half year older than him. We had a great relationship, even if we spent like everyday together. We got along, we had fun, the whole bit. We fought a little bit, but most they were mostly small arguments that we would talk through and get over. Just a little more background on him: he has only been in 2 other relationships in high school, and now he is 24.

More recently, he started getting irritated at me (for no real reason, I think it was the little things that started irritating both of us a bit, which I think is normal, and what I would call “the hump” of every relationship). Then, we had a stupid argument (about what to do on July 4 of all things), and then I made a stupid and rash decision (and…I was pmsing..hahaha). I texted him that I wanted a break, and then I went into the shower. He called me right back but since I was in the shower, I didn’t pick it up. After the shower, I looked at my phone, and found that he had texted me back. He wrote “Is this what you really want?” I wrote back, “Yes, I have been sort of unhappy.” Then he wrote “I have been kind of unhappy too. Do you think this break will help us?” Shocked that he replied this way, I wrote back, “Should we just take a break, or break up?” and he responded, “Let’s see how we act on a break first.” After that, I went to work, and hung out with some of the girl friends after work. Many of them are in long relationships, and assured me that this is just a hump that they’re sure we’ll get over.

I stayed over at a guy friend’s house (who happens to live right across from the ex-boyfriend) because one of my friends took my keys, and I was unable to get back inside my house without disturbing my family. My ex-boyfriend’s brother came back from out of state recently, and was throwing a party at his house that night, and my guy friend went over to chill while I just slept. The next morning, I asked my guy friend how the party went, and how my ex-boyfriend was. He stated that my ex-boyfriend had already made a decision, that I should prepare myself, and that he was planning to tell me the next day. Of course, after hearing that, I wanted to know the bad news right then and there instead of waiting until the next day. I called my ex-boyfriend and told him that I wanted to talk to him. I felt that I could convince him that it was just a hump, and that we could get through this together. Once he came over to my friend’s house though, the first thing he says is that he wants to break up. When I asked him why, he says he was never attracted to me, that he stopped wanting to lie to himself that he was attracted to me. When I asked him why, he stated that it was because of my weight (I am about 5’1, and weighed around 125 lbs, and we were both steadily gaining a little bit of “love chub” so it wasn’t just me. Not that I felt that I was excessively fat or anything) and my scars. Basically he called me fat and ugly. After hearing that from him…I was devastated. I felt that our whole relationship was a lie, and I was so angry at him. After continuing to speak with him a bit more (me more like upset ranting)…he stated that he was young and just wanted to see what’s out there. Continue the upset ranting and more talking. Hahaha. In the end, I just told him to leave because I was so upset. 10 minutes after he left, he left a box of my stuff in front of my friend’s house.

Of course, that July 4th day was miserable for me. In the afternoon, I told my friend to text him to tell him that he effed up and that he should apologize to me. My ex-boyfriend had replied that he couldn’t take back those words because they had already come out of his mouth. An hour later though, he did text me that he was sorry that he said that and that he still cared about me, and wanted me to forgive him. I didn’t respond for a few hours, and sent him a really long text about how a text apology was not enough to make up for what he said. After getting home that night, I couldn’t sleep, and ended up texting a really long message around 2 in the morning. I basically stated that I couldn’t really believe what he said, as throughout our whole relationship, he always told me that I was beautiful to him, regardless of my scars and whatnot. I also asked why he would throw away our relationship like this. He never replied.

The next night, I hung out with some friends who were there at that party his brother threw. They basically stated that he was only really listening to one of his guy friends who kept telling him that he could do better, that he was young, and that there are a lot of girls out there. The next night, I made an excuse to see him to get the real reason of why this all happened. He basically told me that he wanted to see what’s out there and that all jazz. He did apologize to me and said he didn’t know why he said those things about me. I tried to get to convince him to get back together, but he stated he just wanted to be single right now. I said, let’s try to at least be friends then to stay in each other’s lives, and we agreed to go bike riding the next morning at like 7 am.

Although the bike ride was a bit awkward, it went fine overall. We talked about how our weekend was, and what we did. We even teased each other a bit and I thought things were going fine. However, after that he did not contact me again. I ended up texting him a few times, just like “How are you?” and what not (nothing serious), and sometimes he would reply curtly, or not reply.

A week passed by of this, and I contacted one of his brothers, just to gain more insight into why he had made such a rash decision. I met up with his brother and his brother’s girlfriend. He said that my ex-boyfriend had been thinking about breaking up for a while now, and that this situation was I guess his way out. I had no idea that he had been THAT upset, because usually we talk together about everything, and we were really close. I mentioned to his brother that I wanted a closure talk with my ex-boyfriend, just to clear the air, and he agreed to let him know. Anyway, so funny thing was, that my ex-boyfriend had asked his brother where he was, and my ex-boyfriend, along with a friend decided to meet up with his brother without telling his brother. I had JUST left when they pulled up (like literally 10 seconds), and his brother’s girlfriend stated that I had just been there. Later my friend called me and stated that my ex-boyfriend was shocked that I was there, and stated that my ex-boyfriend told him he wanted to work out to get his mind off what had just happened.

Later that week, I texted my ex-boyfriend stating that I think we should talk. He agreed to meet up. I had thought deeply that week about why possibly he could have been that upset. I came to the realization that although in the beginning he was taking me for granted and whatnot, I think I started to take him for granted as well. I made a list of things I appreciated about him and was prepared to say it during the closure talk. I started off the talk saying all of these things to him. After I told him the list, I asked him if he was appreciative of anything about me. He stated that he couldn’t think of anything at that moment, I continued talking. I also told him that it was just “the hump” in relationships, and that he shouldn’t make rash decisions like that before at least trying to fix things with me. I told him I understood why he was trying to see what’s out there as he was young, but tried to say that he was losing something special. I tried to make it as mature as possible without begging or sounding whiny to try to show him how he could better things around in his future relationships. I then asked him he had anything to say to me about I could improve in a relationship. Again, he didn’t really know what to say.

We moved the talk to my car because the place we met at was closing. I just told him that we had something special, as I felt differently with him than in my other relationships. He agreed that we had something special, but just stated that he didn’t want it. When I asked him why, he stated that he felt like a better person without me, and that he didn’t miss me at all. Then he stated that he was thinking about this quote in a movie that he saw that stated that if you could live without a person, then you should let them go. I was confused at his logic, and countered it with questioning if he could live without his brothers or his mother. I stated that you can live without anyone. He stated then that he never said anything about them dying. -.-. He kept looking at the time on his phone, so I just asked him if he was listening to me. He just blew up stating why would I assume that he wasn’t listening to me. He then exited the car and said he was going to leave. He started walking away when I called to him and said, well what about that last hug that you wanted when you broke up with me? And then we hugged, I said I was sorry about assuming that and I left. I texted him after that I would not contact him again.

About a week later, I accidentally ran into him at one of the places our friends would frequent. He was with his brother and a few of our friends (we hang out in the same circle, and what makes things more complicated is that all of his friends are mostly his brother’s friends, who are my group of friends). I kind of just flicked my hair when I saw him, and didn’t really speak with him. His brother’s girlfriend was there, and stated that my ex-boyfriend had vented to her after our closure talk. She then stated that he thought I looked good at the closure talk and was wondering why he even said those things about me. (SCORE! But it was really because I couldn’t eat or sleep because that was how much it affected me).

It wasn’t until a week after that when I contacted him. I just stated hey..and then followed it up immediately with sorry, wrong person. He still replied immediately and we had a conversation on fb messenger for about 30 minutes or so. He would reply immediately to the messages and it was just about light stuff. He then cut off the conversation with the fact that he had to wake up early the next day. That next day, I planned to go hiking with a guy friend after work. I called him after work, and he stated that my ex-boyfriend had just asked him to go hiking as well. He asked me what he should say. I said that he should just tell him the truth, and that he could invite him if we wanted to. Surprisingly…he came. I ended up hiking with my friend, my ex-boyfriend, my ex-boyfriend’s two brothers, and the girlfriend of one of his brothers. We didn’t really ignore each other during the hike, but only spoke kind of briefly. After the hike, he invited my friend and I to go eat. Throughout the time together, he would sneak glances at me and kind of glanced down whenever his brother and his brother’s gf would be super couplely.

A few days later, a few friends and I were celebrating a friend’s birthday at a restaurant. He then texted one of my friends asking about what they were up to because he was bored. When my friend stated where he was, and who he was with, my ex-boyfriend texted “thanks for the invite…” I told my friend to just invite him, but my friend said,”Well, if he wanted to come, he would have just invited himself.” I felt bad, so about half an hour later, I invited him to the restaurant on fb msger. He declined, but told me to tell the bday girl happy birthday. At first I got really upset, thinking that it was because of me that he didn’t want to come, but after speaking with a friend, I realized that it might have been due to the fact that some of my closest girl friends were there (who basically hated my ex-boyfriend after they heard what he said). After getting home later that night, I just texted him that they bday girl said thank you for the bday wish. He then asked me how it was and whatnot, and we continued this light conversation for about an hour. He then ended the conversation again saying that he was going to go to sleep (it was about 2 something am).

That Friday, the bday girl decided to do a beerpong thing at my ex-boyfriend’s house. Her boyfriend had asked my ex-boyfriend if it was okay that I come. I ended up going, and everything was going kinda-awkwardly fine until a few guy friends I hadn’t seen in a while cornered me, spoke with me, and upset me. Long story short, there was a lot of crying that night. I tried my best to try to hide it from him (he’s not really that aware of things like that, so I don’t know if he really knew I was upset). After speaking with a friend, I figured the best thing to do was to not see him. A few days later, he randomly texted me, saying that he saw someone who looked at my dad, and told me to ask if that was him. There were a few texts back and forwarding, ending with me saying gl with fishing…and he never texted back. That was two days ago.

Yesterday, I found your website, and today is day 2 of NC! :]. I was just wondering if you had any input on my situation, and if NC would help. To me, it somewhat sounds like he is slightly confused on what to do..but yet…doesn’t really want to reach out to me. I also want to respect his space, and I think that he might need to do some growing up himself. Even though I had been contacting him, I have been hiking and working out, and working on a better me. :]. The thing is, I have been hiking with the same guy friend (just as friends). The guy friend is actually his really good friend, and this guy friend actually asked him if he cared, and he kind of just shrugged. The thing is with this situation that my ex-boyfriend is actually a pretty closed person, and it’s really hard to get him to open up. He is also very stubborn, gives anyone who asks him about how he feels or about the situation very curt answers. I am just kind of confused…but at the same time hopeful. :]. I love him because he is goofy and has a big heart deep down inside. We like similar things, and just enjoyed anything we did together. Let me know what you think!

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:50 am

You came close to taking the record….

The record for longest comment stands at 3,770 words and you are at 2,880. Hahaha.

Wow that was a lot to take in. My thoughts on your situation are pretty simple. You are doing good in NC and keep doing it. However, lets focus on you for a moment. What do you plan on doing during NC to better yourself/evolve?
Unsure

August 16, 2013 at 4:42 pm

Hahaha…yea I like to talk a lot. Day 5 of NC! Your site has given me so many great tips. :). I have been hiking, playing tennis, going to the gym and just staying active. I am the type of person who loves to stay busy anyways so it’s fun! Multiple people have commented that they could tell that I have lost weight! 🙂

To the best of my knowledge, although right after the break up he tried to hit on some girls with friends and he couldn’t do it. My friend told me he could tell something was holding him back and that he still felt attached. He says he just wants to be single for a while and see what’s out there. I think it is just hard as we are in a similar circle of friends and he hasn’t really been invited out. Also, I feel bad because he doesn’t really share his feelings or take the initiative even though he wants to. Do you think that NC would really help us start anew as he is sort of trying to find himself at the same time?
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:39 am

I really do and I think you are awesome by staying active and doing stuff that is fun GREAT JOB!
Unsure

August 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm

Hi again Chris! 10 days in! Almost halfway. :].

I’m starting to think that there’s no chance at all, because our mutual guy friends keep telling me they don’t think he cares about me at all…not asking about me..and just doing his own thing. The thing that bothers me the most is he has this really really close friend of his that is basically egging him on to be single and taking him out. This friend of his never made the effort to get to know me when we were together, and is basically a player.

Am I trying too hard to be nonchalant do you think and he’s losing interest?

I am focused on myself..but with people keep telling me these negative messages…I keep losing hope. What do you think I should do?
admin

August 22, 2013 at 3:45 am

Congrats on making it this far in NC without breaking down.

Try not to let the other people affect you. I say keep going forward. This is worth seeing through. You got this!
Unsure

August 17, 2013 at 10:32 pm

Thanks Chris! I am going to keep going! The only thing that’s holding me back is that he told me at the closure talk 3 weeks ago was that he realized he didn’t miss me and feels like a better person without me. Do you think that with time he will change his tune? Sorry for all the questions! I am just trying to figure out what’s in his head. Haha.
admin

August 18, 2013 at 4:32 am

I still think you should give him time. I know it may be hard but it’s the right thing to do. The feelings of loss and regret havent kicked in for him yet.

not sure anymore

August 14, 2013 at 4:31 am

We broke up 1 month ago. I have started the NC phase. It has only been 2 days. But I don’t know if I want him back anymore. He is flirting with a mutual acquaintance on Facebook. This really disappointed me. To the point of now I don’t know anymore. I do believe he misses me based on his reaction when he picked up his stuff. But does he miss me or just miss being with someone?

admin

August 15, 2013 at 2:31 am

Obviously this site is all about making you happy and sometimes that means you don’t go back to your ex. So, I will leave that up to you completely. However, sometimes an ex will do what he is doing as a coping mechanisim or to “stick” it to you.
not sure anymore

August 17, 2013 at 5:26 am

but he broke up with me. why is he sticking it to me? And then he texted me a funny text yesterday. i did not respond. i don’t get it.

LostInLove

August 13, 2013 at 4:40 pm

Me and my ex have just started communicating again after no contact , we’ve been having good conversation (thru text) and he has told me he misses me. Today we were texting and he asked what I was doing when I returned the question he told me he was going to the movies … Being the person I am I can only assume its with a girl he’s been talking to since we broke up. And it’s pis*ed me off lol I don’t want to blow up or seem bitter.. What should I say??

admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:35 am

Do what I do!

Kill him with kindness.

“Oh, that is fantastic. What movie are you seeing?”
LostInLove

August 14, 2013 at 4:18 pm

What do I do though? I want him back and he says he misses me I’m not good at this emotional stuff at all it makes me uncomfortable
admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:29 am

A girl not good at emotional stuff? What are you?

No, jk jk.

Part of the problem may be that he wanted you to be emotional but you werent.
LostInLove

August 13, 2013 at 5:05 pm

I feel like I should give u a little more info on our past relationship , we were really close friends for 6 years and then started dating for 3 more. I put a lot of trust into him because of our friendship we had before we got together. We started fighting over other girls in the last year and our relationship went downhill into a flame of arguments lol. Not long AT ALL after our break up he started talking to his ex girlfriend and I was soo upset about it. I thought I hated him but I love him and I want us to try and work it out again but now he is talking to her. I don’t know how to handle our situation because I’ve never had to get him to choose me over any other girl even when we were only friends. I went no contact for a few months and we’ve talked a few times. Here recently after another stretched out no contact we’ve started communicating again and he says he misses me but still hasn’t made a move to see me. I’m so confused on how I should handle everything and now I’m finding myself getting angry all over again about the “I’m going to the movies” text.. He knows me like the back of his hand and I know he knows it pissed me off. Why is love so hard???!
admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:35 am

Do you need a hug?

Shannon

August 13, 2013 at 4:27 pm

Hello Chris, your website rocks!

My ex of two years recently called things off. We never argued/fought, we just kind of fell apart. Anywho, I have stood strong and hadn’t contacted him for two months until last week. I’ve been doing my own thing, posting nice photos of myself on facebook and having positive statues. I texted him asking if a few things were at his house. he answered me right away and even went and found my things. I asked if he might like to catch up and he wasn’t sure if it was the best to see me. Hmm. He got ahold of me Saturday letting me know his friend and he were coming by to drop my things off. I wanted to talk with him, buttt his friend got out of the car as well. My ex looked me in the eyes and well, I kind of lost it! I thanked him and that was that! I followed up with a text the next day telling him it was good to see him and threw a few “lol” personal comments that we shared and he responded normally. I ended the short conversation and Im not to sure how to proceed.
I want to confess how he was right about things and how my view of subjects has changed, but I do not want to seem desperate. Should I let him know my feelings before asking for another meet up?

Thank you so much!!!

admin

August 14, 2013 at 2:31 am

Ok, well I think you are right to confess the view changes and everything but you have to slowly lead up to the confession.

Text him and then end the conversations suddently and immediately (sometimes without even replying) This works really well if you can get him hooked in the conversation.

Then you test him by bringing up your relationship in some of the ways I suggest here on this page…

Honestly though, this page doesn’t do a great job of diving into the texting strategies. I just finished an ebook that I am going to make live on this site in the next couple of weeks that really does a good job of tackling that subject.

Chelsz

August 13, 2013 at 6:41 am

my bf recently broke up with me over a situation that happened a whileeeeee ago , he said he wants me out of his life and claimed he couldn’t trust me ….all over an old situation ..i honestly forgot about it . i feel it was irrational to break up and kick me out of his life over an old situation ..anywho..we aren’t on speaking terms (uggghhh!) and i think he has a new chick already ..do i have a chance to get him back? did he end it bcuz he was talking to this girl all along? we were doing sooooooo good b4 this situation came in the picture . what do i have to do? what are my chances of gettin him back ..NC Day #4 and im STRUGGLING !

admin

August 14, 2013 at 1:47 am

Keep to the plan. NC rule is good for you. The new girl may be a rebound. As for your question about him talking to her all along. It is possible but I can’t elaborate b/c I don’t know him.
Chelsz

August 13, 2013 at 6:47 am

P.s. we go to the same church and i see how “cool” he seems to be wit this other chick . im kinda jealous .

Jane

August 13, 2013 at 2:18 am

Hi! I’ve done the MC period.. He sent me msgs. on facebook and I ignored it, He called many times but I didn’t answer, I called him back only once because i know he wanted to check on his daughter. Well, actually today is the day I should do the 1st contact. I hope I do good. 🙂 Well I want to ask one thing, remember when I attended his bday? and we had sex? there’s still chance right that i’ll get him back? i don’t know, because I’ve read some other sites that says you should never have sex with an ex boyfriend because you will never get him back. So i’m just worried. hope to hear from you soon. 🙂

admin

August 15, 2013 at 3:54 am

I think if you deal in absolutes like doing thing A will never get your ex back is a ridiculous statements. People have begged, done everything wrong and still got their exes back so it is possible. I don’t recommend having sex with your ex. However, I don’t think it is a deal killer.
Jane

August 14, 2013 at 12:42 am

I already texted him yesterday, he replied “i’m ok, how’s our daughter?, can you bring her at home on vacation?, its ok I won’t be there coz I’ll be gone for so long, u take care always and godbless” then i replied with “they’re just fine, i’ll try.. I have to go now, i’ll meet some friends, bye!” then he didn’t reply.. after how many hours he sent me a chain msgs., I just sent in back to him.

was that a positive or a neutral response?
Do I need to go on step 2?
admin

August 14, 2013 at 3:13 am

I would say that, that is a positive response!

kym

August 12, 2013 at 10:22 pm

My ex ended our relationship (things he told me: he doesn’t know why, it’s not you it’s me, a list of accusations about my “flaws” including how he thought I was rejecting him when I wasn’t, and how “our hearts and mind are not in the same place”) That was about 3 months ago and I haven’t spoken to him until recently when we attended the same social event. We were civil and he greeted me first, also told me that I can totally kick him.

Two days later he emailed me because I wasn’t going to a party that was being held at his house. He asked how how I was doing and that it was nice to see me a few days earlier. He expressed disappointment of me not going to the party and said he’ll try to find a day that works for me to have a party. I did respond back a day later and said it was also nice to see him, that I’m doing the best I can and I hope he is also doing well.
A friend says we’ve reopened the line of communication between us and says it’s a good thing. I haven’t heard from him since my reply, it’s been a few days. Do I send him another email to keep the communication going?

admin

August 13, 2013 at 3:22 am

I would send him a text. Do you two text message eachother?

Sarah

August 12, 2013 at 9:51 pm

So I recently broke up with my ex and we’ve talked and I asked to get back together and try again. But he says that he does not want to go though what I put him through before. I cheated and he says that he tried to fix the relationship where I didn’t. I felt like I did, but I guess it’s not good enough. He told me he does not want to try to fix the relationship again cause he feels like it’s going to be the same but I told him I would change for the better but he says that well never happen again. I’m wondering if I still have a chance even when he says that he doesn’t ever want to get back together.

admin

August 13, 2013 at 3:20 am

You do have hope but that is not a guarantee. Your chances are hurt b/c you cheated though it is not something that is going to help you obviously. I have a question. He says you didn’t try to fix the relationship and you said that you did.

What specifically did you try to do?
Sarah

August 13, 2013 at 5:02 am

I did things that he wanted me to do. We just got out of high school, so that time I cheated I didn’t have a car so I would walk over to his house and go out with him a lot more than I usually do. I would cook him lunch here and there but I just didn’t really know how to fix it. But I felt that I did the best I could
Sarah

August 16, 2013 at 8:23 pm

So does this mean he never wants to get back together?
admin

August 17, 2013 at 3:42 am

Not necessarily.
admin

August 14, 2013 at 1:41 am

He may have wanted more from you emotionally.
Sarah

August 15, 2013 at 6:48 pm

So if he was to reply to me with one word sometimes like yea, sure, or cool, means he’s not emotionally invested? But would he just reply like that cause he knows everthing about me? And doesn’t really have much to say?
admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:35 am

I would say one word texts mean that he isn’t as invested in the conversation. I do that when I am not interested in talking with someone at the moment. It is possible he knows everything and is sending one word texts that way BUT generally speaking that is usually not the case.
Sarah

August 14, 2013 at 6:06 am

What do you mean emotionally? I would write him long letters telling how much I loved him and what I did was wrong of me. He wanted me to do something out of the ordinary. What if he is seeing a girl now but when I asked him he said he wasn’t but I confronted him and he told me he has feelings for someone else. Why do you think he had to lie to me in the first place ?
admin

August 15, 2013 at 2:46 am

Letters rarely ever work and some men can get put off by them to be frank. Besides the letters were about how YOU felt and now how HE felt. Sending him a text message you can kind of test (regarding his response) if he is emotinoally invested.

Yolanda

August 12, 2013 at 6:27 pm

Hi Chris, it has been 3 months now since the break-up; completed NC for 30 days; after which we have contacted each other, texts, e-mail and phone calls. We met at a coffee shop first time after the breakup-a pleasant. He drunk dials me. He has also a girlfriend (I think they are still dating). I try to keep the communication to minimum. I was about to follow your “I have a confession…” text line but he beat me up to it, text’d me and to which I again responded. There’s been contact ever since, once or twice each week between us. Last night he called me 6x and each time left drunk-messages on my phone, he texted me this morning to apologized and said that these drunk dial will not ever happen again. I responded that I do understand his situation. Chris, I don’t want to be in th friend zone with him. I want us to get back together and start a new and stronger relationship. I want to believe that he has still strong feelings for me since he still talks to me about himself and his family. But he has not spoken about his current relationship. How can I proceed from here.
P.S. You might remember I have sent you messages earlier on this. Thanks Chris.

admin

August 13, 2013 at 3:08 am

Well, why don’t you calmly ask him about his new relationship. He can’t be that happy if he is getting drunk that often. Though maybe he is just that way.

lamelord

August 12, 2013 at 4:00 pm

I’m back 🙂 I’ve got through the 1 month NC time but I dont think now is the right time to contact him yet. I still want to wait few weeks more. But he texted me today and it seemed like he didn’t tent to send that sms to me because the meaning of that sms definitely isn’t revelant. It was “Shoo, shoo. are you craving for some bones, right? =3=”. That’s a little bit insulting and I dont know what to do with this.
Should I text him back and say something? Or he just missent it to me and didn’t mean anything? About me, I tend not to reply his sms. Am I doing the right thing? :s Will he think that I dont respect him and hate me?

admin

August 13, 2013 at 2:52 am

If you feel you are not ready to contact him yet then don’t until you are ready.

Ignore the text he won’t freak out.

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