The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

S. Wells

August 4, 2013 at 9:45 am

Hi! This was an awesome article! Thank you for posting it!

I hope this isn’t a repeat question…. BUT….. If after the 30 day rule and you make that 1st initial contact and he is angry because I ignored all the messages he sent in those 30 days, and as a “get back” he decides not to respond at all, what do I do?? The crazy part is, he won’t ever confirm or deny the fact that he is dealing with someone else- but has hit me with the “I’m out with a friend” scenario as you instructed us to do- so I’m confused as to what he wants…. But in general since I know he is a “tip for tap” kinda man, how do you suggest I handle it???

admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:18 am

Gotcha gotcha.

You make no apologies. If he doesn’t respond then you go back into no contact for 1-5 days and then you try again.

For your man, I think just doing the above should yield a response.

Lisa

August 4, 2013 at 7:07 am

Well I’m 40 and my ex is 28. We had a beautiful 5 yr relationship where our personalities clicked so well. Yes we had our arguments but that was rare. Our sex life is still full of passion. Well in April we had a horrible month. A lost baby money problems & some miscommunication. He decided he wanted to move out so we could better ourselves. He would still spend the nite etc but told me were single and if I met someone it would be his fault but this was something he had to do. We both admit to still loving each other and he’s even asked me to try and have another pregnancy. But yet when I ask him to move home he says he still needs his space and he doesn’t want me settling. I started the Nc yesterday and he showed up at my door by 5 pm today acting like he needed to get something. That visit involved some fondling and a passionate kiss. I text him a hot pic of me only in a towel saying wish you were here and he responded he did too now I will go back to nc until he shows up again? Does it sound like we have a chance?? I know we’re soul mates he jus never thinks he’s good enough for me and that’s so not true.

admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:12 am

Hahaha I don’t want to give you false hope but. Yes you have a chance!

Phindi

August 4, 2013 at 6:06 am

My ex boyfriend broke up with me and I don’t know why, we dated when I started varsity and later broke up. Each moved on with own life. We recently got back with each other, we made future plans like marriage and kids etc, suddenly after 3 months he stopped calling and taking my calls. Sent tons of messages he never responded, 2 weeks later I went to his place confront and he told me there was nothing, but still continued to ignore me after I left. We were having a long distance relationship and I still don’t know what really happened. Its been 3 months now, I’m trying to forget him and move on but he is all I think about. Lately he started calling saying he’s just greeting me, thou he calls once maybe in 3 weeks. Do you think we still have a chance?

admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:06 am

I would say you do have a chance but again, that doesn’t guarantee success.

Have you tried the NC rule?

Sheila

August 3, 2013 at 8:55 pm

Amazing article, this was very insightful and entertaining!

I have a question… My bf broke up with me 2 and a half months ago and we’ve gone through phases of NC (it’s never been 30 days, but 10 days had been max). We met up 6 weeks after breaking up where everything was lovely, friendly, happy and we didn’t really talk much about the break-up. I suggested then that we start over and to do that we need to be each other’s friends again (we were friends before). He agreed. We texted constantly for about 2 days then stopped. Then again, then stopped. It’s been constantly like that until I recently told him to stop playing games if he has changed his mind about starting over. He said he didn’t change his mind about that but when I asked if he sees us together in the future, he said he doesn’t know but by the way things are going right now, it would have to be a no and he doesn’t think we’d be any better if we got back together.

I don’t understand what’s going on. Is there anything I can do to rectify this? I really want to be with him and don’t know what I can do now…

Thanks so much for your help xxx

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:25 am

Well, 10 days vs 30 days is a lot… I would try to go the full 30 days.

Hanna

August 3, 2013 at 4:25 pm

Hi, I find your article very interesting. I’ve been thinking of seeking help for so long and now I’m hoping you can help me. 🙂

So my ex and I ended our relationship 5 months ago. I was the one who first initiated that we have a problem, that our relationship isn’t the same anymore. But after a day I changed my mind, but when we talked about it he seemed to agree that we need to break up. He said I had lot of expectations in the relationship that he can’t give me all the time. So we broke up even if I don’t want to anymore. I didn’t talk to him after that. He was blocked on my Facebook account and I had a new number. For full 5 months we never talked. It made me feel bad because he survived not talking to me for that long period of time. (I was hoping he would at least try to talk to me but he didn’t). But just recently I did something really stupid. I heard from a friend that he went to the movies with the girl we once argued about (She’s also a common friend but I didn’t like her ever since) I was drunk and went straight to his house in the middle of night to confront him. Though he looked surprised, he still welcomed me in their house. So we talked and I told him how I still love him, and how bad I felt that he doesn’t seem to care anymore. He said that even when doesn’t show it, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. And about the girl, he told me it was true but it was nothing. He said they earned money from teaching dance choreography (I was also a dancer with them before but I graduated college already), and the one they taught told them they should watch Despicable Me because it was cute, so he said they just agreed to. I asked him if they kissed and he said no, as if it was the most ridiculous question ever. He said he’s not that kind of guy, and in my heart I know it. So the issue was cleared. He told me he missed me, and we chatted about the past for a while. But it was a bad timing because he had early class the next day, so we slept the night. The next day when he was about to go to school, I asked him when we’ll talk about it. He said we’ll set a date. But later that night I had a feeling he’ll be too busy with dancing and it will be so long until he’ll agree to talk again so I texted him and said I want to talk to him tomorrow. At first he doesn’t want to because he said I’ll throw the same questions again. I said I just want to talk. He eventually agreed. So the next day we talked, and I was so desperate that I told him that maybe we can try again. I was crying my eyeballs out. He said it’s hard to bring everything back to what it was again. I asked him if he still loves me and he said yes. And in my heart I know he loves me still. But it’s not the love that’s stronger than before, he told me. It was really depressing. He even told me that maybe he’s not the one for me. He said I’m a great person and he doesn’t want to see me cry because of him anymore. I did all the pleading and it didn’t work. He said time will heal us and it will only be unfair for me if we continue the relationship.

So I was broken again, but still I’m determined to win him back. I still know that he loves me, I just have to make it stronger. I was his longest girlfriend and I was the only girl he introduced to his whole family, even the extended one. He told me that I was the girl he loved the most and I believe that. Not because I love him but because after 5 months of not seeing each other, I felt that he really cared for me that night. He was still the guy who loved me. I just know it. His family loves me so much and his parents even talked to me after we broke up and said that they know that their son still loves me. A couple of days ago I texted him good luck on his audition and when he replied I didn’t reply back. Even he rejected me again I still feel like I won’t give up til I’m really tired. I just love this man so much. What we had, I know it was real. People say if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. But in my heart and mind, I will make it happen. I know it sounds desperate but I just feel like doing it. So I was regretting that day of being so dramatic and insane, but this time I’m planning to be in control. I’m planning to ask him out on a movie or something. I won’t bring up about us, I just want to spend time with him and maybe he’ll realize what a good time we’ve missed. Do you think it will help? I’m preparing myself for a negative outcome already, but hey, I’m willing to try. This is what I want to do. Do you think it will help? Thanks a lot.

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:10 am

I will say this, it’s worth a try hahaha. Only problem is that movies aren’t great dates. I would do something where the two of you could talk. You do have the right attitude though, expecting the worst but hoping for the best.
Hanna

August 4, 2013 at 4:49 am

Thanks 🙂 We tried to talk but he just keeps telling me that we should stop talking about it. When I asked him if he won’t change his mind, he said “maybe.” But I don’t believe it until he says “no.” So I’m thinking having quality time together would bring some sense to him. Can it change a guy’s mind a little bit?
admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Sometimes. It depends though. If he wants space I say give it to him for a while.

Courtney

August 3, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Hi. My boyfriend and I just broke up after 5 years. He told me 2 weeks ago that he needed a break and space to himself. I gave him his space for 10 days before I told him that we needed to talk. He agreed to meet at his house to talk. When I got there i could feel this wasn’t going to end great. He sat me down and told me that he wasn’t in love anymore and that he wanted to be alone. I know that this has nothing to do with any other women and I know that he still does love me. Last summer he broke up with me for the same reasons and we got back together 4 months later. When he was breaking up with me this time I asked his what was going to happen in a couple of months when he missed me and wanted me back and he said we will cross that path when that happenes. This is the man of my dreams and my best friend. I never thought I would lost him again. We just recently sent his 1 year old neice a keepsake book and I wrote love auntie Courtney in it. I’m not sure what to do. I am heartbroken and sick over this. I haven’t eaten since the split and all I want to do is cry. I got him back last time but I don’t know if I can get him back this time. What do I do? I am really lost here.

admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:08 am

Ok, first off.

Go and eat something. You aren’t going to get him back by starving yourself.

I know what it is like to be so heartbroken or worried that you can’t eat but trust me when I say that it’s not healthy to live like that. Next, implement the NC rule. I think for now just focus on those things.
Courtney

August 4, 2013 at 4:15 am

Is there a chance of getting him back again? I know there is no one else that he wants to be with so that’s the last thing I am worried about. I am mainly worried that he’s okay being alone and not having a companion. Which I don’t believe is right. I believe. That everyone has someone for themselves. And thank you for replying. Since I messed up the NC rule today I will start tomorrow.
admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:50 pm

You have a chance of course. That doesn’t guarantee success.

I can kind of relate to him in that sometimes guys want alone time. It won’t last forever though. It can be lonely.
Courtney

August 5, 2013 at 4:28 am

How long will it take for him to start missing me? He hasn’t told his friends or family. He hasn’t taken it off of Facebook. It’s like he doesn’t want the break up to be real but wants me to think its over.
admin

August 6, 2013 at 2:49 am

It depends every single guy is different.

laura

August 3, 2013 at 1:53 pm

Hi there, please could you offer me some advice.My partner and i broke up 3 weeks ago. We had been together 3 years , (2yrs long distance) it was a heart breaking but almost a mutual decision as he didnt know what he wanted anymore, and i was due move in with him! I am completely heart broken. I feel like the past 2 years long distance have been the most difficult and painful years of my life only for him to end things 2 weeks before I was due to live with him. Since the break up we have met up once when i returned all his things i had at my house. We had a lovely time we went to the park and just chatted like we used to, but we never discussed our relationship or the break up. By the time i got home he had text me to say that he had, had a lovely time, and he has sent me just an odd message since then. A few days later i decided to call him to tell him i wasn’t done and wanted to give things another go but he didnt answer, he just text back saying he was out with his friends. I feel stuck now as i feel that he’s again in control in this relationship. I dont want to try calling him again, because as it is he knows i want to speak to him. I also fear losing him for good as I havent told him how i feel about us! please help x thankyou

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:59 am

I think your best bet is to try the NC rule for a little while. That should help you get some control back!
laura

August 4, 2013 at 11:20 am

Thankyou so much for your reply! Unfortunately before reading your response I called him,i told him how i felt about wanting things to work, and he told me that he didnt see a future with me as his career is now his priority. I now feel completely devatated and used, if he knew this all along why keep me holding on for so long and take me looking at houses etc. I dont think there is any hope for us now is there? I feel that once a man has made up his mind, there is no going back 🙁 P.S i will still do 30 day NC, its defo worth a try x
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:22 am

If you loved someone once you can always love them again. That’s a philosphy I have stolen!

Do the NC rule and put an emphasis on YOU during it. Just focus on YOU.

Devin

August 3, 2013 at 1:46 pm

Hey! I just read your advice and it all sounds great! Here’s the thing. My ex and I went out for a year and a half, and we just broke up yesterday. I’ve already gone over what went wrong and that I’d like to work on my self improvement.
We both agreed that we still love each other very much and don’t even like considering this a break up. No cheating, lying, or abuse. I have things I need to improve and be does as well. And we both agreed that we would like to see us back together again in the future (hopefully sooner than later) but I want it to be different. I’ve been looking all over for a “how to become more self reliant” and “how to get my boyfriend back” even when we decided to continue talking every once in awhile. But if I’m going to get back with him, this is the guide I want to follow.
Thank you for this great guideline!

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:56 am

Devin, thanks for your comment!
Devin

August 4, 2013 at 5:02 pm

Should I still do that 30 days of no contact or just wait for him to contact me?
Also do you think it’ll work out? I’m already growing and leaning how to be happy and dependent on myself. So do you think he and I will have another chance at a healthier, happier relationship?
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:32 am

Do the no contact.

I don’t want to lie to you. I can’t guarantee it will work out but if you follow the advice on this page I promise you will raise your chances.
Devin

August 3, 2013 at 3:09 pm

Also, what do you think about this?
So my boyfriend of a year and a half and I broke up last night. We both stated that it shouldn’t really be called a break up, because it’s not a high school relationship. We are both wanting to grow and learn and mature. We both said that this doesn’t mean we are losing each other or that we don’t love each other. He told me that he will miss me and think about me everyday and is hoping that breaking up will be the biggest mistake, but we both won’t know until we try it. We just both simply want to grow up a little bit before we decide whether or not to get into another relationship in the future. We will continue to talk by checking in once in awhile and seeing where we both stand in life. Also it is agreed upon that once either one of us is ready and feel mature, we make it known to the other person for consideration of a relationship.
He and I both discussed what needs to be done: I need to become more dependent on myself for happiness and he needs to learn how to handle things on his own time.
Of course, if all of this happens, and we both grow up and earn a sense of maturity and interdependence (as opposed to codependence) then we hope to get back into a romantic relationship.
Do you think that’s smart?
admin

August 4, 2013 at 3:02 am

Wow…. I think I am in awe of how mature that sounds..

Naima Sarran

August 3, 2013 at 1:04 pm

Hi!
First of all before I go to my question I need to compliment on how useful and educational your blog is! You are the only one who in such depth explained the tactics one by one so Thank you!
Anyhow to my question… I have 2 huge problems and need advice!
I moved to study abroad at the same uni as my First Ex bf last year, We have been together for 3 years and then after a huge fight and argument we broke up in December ’12. I was absolutely devastated, we didnt talk for 6 months and seeing him in college was extremely akward, I knew i still loved him but the pain and hate made me want to try the jelaousy tactic and date another guy.
I then met my ex and we had such wonderful time and he did everything that showed that he still had feelings for me. But the day after I recieved a call telling me he was only playing with me and is tryna get back at me. And Im confused because his actions said otherwise and his words too. Just yastarday I found out from my friend he is dating a new girl. I am devastated cause I miss him and I wount the good and fun times we used to have back but he said in a text ‘I am dead to him’ but clearly his friends know he still love me. So what am i suppose to do? Just let it go? #PROBLEM1

During those 6 months no contact I decided to date another guy and try to heal myself, of course a rebound relationship. I still loved my ex during this time and sadly I still do, But this new guy was perfect, I got extremely attached to him and to his romaticism, I dont fully love him and I guess is mostly desperation but with him I had amazing times, and After hearing what my ex was up to during the 6 months and now him having a new girl shortøy after those times we shared I was devastated. Now few days later as soon as i heard of his new gf, the current guy I dated broke up with me.
He ignored me first and then without any decency he rudely told me that “im free and im off to do what i want”, and when I asked him why he broke up with me he couldnt think of a reason and told me this “Cause i want to be free, freedom..cause I dont feel anything for you anymore”. It took me so long to get answer of him. And he is the type that when you dont try and do something to chase him he believes you have no interest at all and doesnt give a damn then. So now I am afraid that if I follow what you say and not talk to him for 30 days, when I will text him or call him there an extremely high chance he wount reply at all or answer at all. He has done this before. So what should i do? #PROBLEM2

Do you think Its a bad thing that even since I cant have my ex Im staying with this current guy? Should I just let go of my ex even tho I know we still love each other? I think at this point Im really lost, neither are having any communication with me whatsoever. My ex has moved on and my current the day after our break up has deleted me off everything and deleted everything we had together.
Im really in piecies and cant stay strong for any longer Im really upset.
Please give me some advice.

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:55 am

So, your still dating the perfect guy but have feelings for your ex. That’s what you would like me to elaborate on?

Ok, I am just going to give you my personal opinion. If you want your ex back you can’t stay with the new guy.

However, it sounds like the new guy is a pretty awesome fit for you if you have strong feelings for him.
Naima Sarran

August 4, 2013 at 10:53 pm

Sadly the ‘perfect guy’ has just left me..and as i mentioned above he game the reason that he wants to be free have some freedom and be alone instead of sharing himself with someone and that apparently he has no more feelings for me. I wanted to know what should I do about that? Does he really mean what he said? He is the type that if you dont do anything to show you care he will just think you dont care and walk away and not come back, so Im worried that i follow the 30 day no contact rule I will loose him.
I love my ex but since he has a new gf I doubt I can get him back, so maybe i should instead tey to get back the ‘perfect guy’.
What do you think? Im confused 🙁
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:41 am

He probably said that stuff b/c he was angry.

The alternative to the NC rule is what exactly? Beg him? I don’t think that will go over too well.

Elly sasha

August 3, 2013 at 11:11 am

Hi
My boyfriend broke up with me 2 month ago because he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore. We were talking about getting engaged and moving in together before breaking up. He said he just cares for me and can’t see himself spending the rest of his life with me. I begged a little after the break up and kept calling him because I was in shock and couldn’t accept it. We met couple of weeks ago and talked and he said he hasn’t changed his mind. He would send me friendly messages after to see how I am but last week I sent him a text saying I miss him and we should get back together etc…
He hasn’t contacted me since.
Do you think it’s too late to try your method? Do you think I have any chance at all?

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:43 am

You have a chance of course. But a chance doesn’t guarantee success.

Also, its not too late!

Rigel

August 3, 2013 at 4:40 am

I never thought I’d check out an article like this but I ran across it accidentally and was amazed by all the research and personal experience you put into it! Thank you! My story is pretty pitiful. I’d been dating him for two years and it seemed too perfect. We both had rough pasts that forged our love into something very strong. It’s hard to remember how good it was bc of all the bad that followed. Not long after expressing commitment and talking about marriage, we split up for Christmas break to visit our families in opposite states. I knew time at home for him was stressful and we started fighting for the first time. When we both returned to college, we had two great weeks and then The Fight… we both lost it, and he turned and literally ran away. I was so upset and hurt I have it 2 weeks and then tried to reestablish our relationship but he was paranoid and said he needed space. After a month of him avoiding me on a daily basis, I became scared and pretty desperate. I was willing to work things out and move forward. He had all new friends and blew me off when I tried to approach him. He deleted me off Facebook, google plus, removed himself from our blog. I started sending him 1 text a day with things I remembered about us, but he would never respond. He literally ran whenever he saw me on campus. And then just 6 weeks after the breakup…. His new friends helped him get interested in a coworker who had desperate written across her face. I’m not of low self esteem but she is much prettier than me and knowing they worked together every night…. I’ve been devestated. He took her to my graduation banquet, and so I couldn’t bring myself to attend even with my own friends. I hoped it was a rebound relationship but next week makes it 6 months and they seem happier than ever. Interestingly enough, he still has me blocked online and continues to take alternative routes around town to ensure we never cross paths. I stopped texting him when I learned they were in a relationship (about 3 months into the breakup, about 4 months ago). I only see him at church and he sits on the opposite side and hides among his huge group of friends and new girlfriend. I tried to reinvent myself, even joined the church choir where he has to see me three times a week, tried finding new friends, even new guy friends. It seems he has never been farther gone, but…. not from my heart. I know he was/is The One but I feel I lost him forever, and never even learned why. Sure I can speculate things I could have done better but it ended so fast. Is it hopeless? No one believes in it anymore but me, because I promised him forever and even now… I want to be the girl who never breaks that promise to him,

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:32 am

I am sorry that this happened to you. that has to be tough seeing him with another girl.

Did you read my article on rebound relationships?

It seems like the relationship he is in now is something a little more serious as you pointed out. In any case, I think your best bet is to just focus on YOU. It all boils down to you not being able to have control over the situation with him. You do have control over your feelings and actions though so I would focus on them and just improving every single day.

Take it day by day and feel free to pick my brain b/c I will respond to you. I promise!

Haley

August 3, 2013 at 4:08 am

Hi chris! My ex and i broke up almost two months ago, after the we broke up I texted him a few days later asking to talk with me and he agreed to meet with me to talk when he has free time but, I ended up texting him every day for a week asking if he had time for me and he gave me excuses every time! So I waited a few days and called him and he never answered, I waited another two weeks , and texted him asking to meet up and he never replied and i acted with my emotions and texted him a long messaged telling him how i loved him and how happy he made me & I got no reply! I was so frustrated I messaged him on facebook asking if he got the message. He never replied and after he was online a few days later blocked me on facebook. So I did NC starting July 2nd but on the 29th he blocked me on instagram out of no where! we don’t even follow each other anymore! So i’ve made it to 30 days no contact (finally it felt like forever) and i’ve read all of your articles but, how do I know he didn’t block me on his phone too?? that seems a little much though. We had an amazing relationship so it came to a surprise when he had told me he wanted to take break because of things going on his life affecting him. I go back to school on August 22nd , so there’s no doubt that i will see him. and I’ve been going to the gym, lost weight i feel and look great. So my question is even though, he’s taken things this far , am I still able to send him a first contact text? or should I wait some more or wait till schools back? thanks!

admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:26 am

Of course, you should send the first contact text.

I will admit that I didn’t go too far in-depth as I should have when it comes to texting an ex. I only say that b/c I am close to finished with a monster ebook that blows this article out of the water with in-depth details. I cover everything I could think of.
Haley

August 5, 2013 at 9:24 pm

But being that I did tell him my feelings for him over a month ago, do you think he’s had time to miss me and that he noticed me not being there? I’m just afraid if I send him the first contact text and there’s a negative response that I won’t have a chance of getting back together with him..
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:40 am

I think you should send the text to try it out. Fortune favors the brave.

Steph

August 3, 2013 at 3:23 am

Ok, my ex broke up with me last Saturday. I haven’t spoken to him since last Sunday. I’m confused by him though. I see that he is on facebook everyday, yet he hasn’t changed his cover photo, which is of us, or his relationship status. He hasn’t deleted any photos of me off his Instagram and hasn’t unsubscribed from our shared photo stream. What should I take from this?

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:34 am

He hasn’t gotten around to it yet or he is regretting his decision.

Zach

August 3, 2013 at 3:03 am

Hey Chris, I read your blog, but I hope you can help me a give me some advice. And yes I am a guy and I want to get my ex gf back.

I broke up with my ex Gf about 4/5 months back. We were together for about 8 months. It was a mutual break up, but she initiated it. So for the last 4mths until just this week, we never spoke. To be frank, I don’t regret the break up, as I think it was necessary for me to learn and grow from it.

Just last week I called, and then texted her and told her I would like to meet her. I met her a couple of days back and explain to her and told her that I want her back. I could tell that I touched her, but I could also see that she made up her mind. And so she rejected me. She told me to forget her and to look for someone new. She told me she tried everything and she made up her mind not to be with me. And she told me she met a new guy and she want to commit and try with this new guy. As this new guy is the same faith as her, she expresses her desire to marry a christian guy and raise a Christian family. I am agnostic. I heard from my first-ex ( who is in contact with her ) that this guy has committed to marry her. She told me I was fun, and we had a fun time, but in the end it might not have worked out. I don’t know if her new relationship would be a rebound but I know she is strong in her commitment.

I am not sure if it’s futile, and if she will move on and marry this new guy. I worry about that, but somehow I feel I need to give her time to work out her relationship with this new guy. She is leaving for UK in a one or two months, from what I know they would be separated for 2 years. Do you think i still have a chance ?

I am not sure if she had moved on, or if she still have feelings for me. Somehow it felt like she still have feeling, but she made up her mind to commit with this new guy.

Even if it is futile, I am determined to be with her. I know I won’t drop everything and put my life at a standstill, I know I should press on and improve my own life, but I also know that if there is any hope. I want to try.

I am going to try to massage her once a while ( just like how you explain ) maybe once a week or once every 2 weeks. I know she won’t answer me, but I want to keep trying. The only problem is when she moves to the UK, I will have lost her contact, and would be unable to text her. I will only have her email, as she has also removed me from her FB. If she refused to open communication with me, I am not sure the best method to keep in touch with her.

I am not sure if i am doing the right thing.

I texted her yesterday when her father called me looking for her. I passed text her to let her know that her father called, but she didn’t reply. Later in the evening, i just gave a casual reminder about my earlier message, and casually ended the message. This time she replied but with a very cold polite neutral tone.

Chris, I need your help. I want to know what I should do in this situation.Should I still initiate the 30 days no contact? I thought of only sending her a friendly message after 2 weeks, and ending it like you said.

Hope you can help. Thanks!

Z

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:44 am

What’s up Zach.

I am actually planning on creating a sister site called Ex Girlfriend Recovery that focuses on situations like yours. Of course, I want to establish this site before I begin that venture.

Anyways, I will admit that I haven’t done proper research for getting a girlfriend back BUT I will still try to help you.

You are in a really tricky situation with her eventually moving away to the UK and potentially losing her number. Now, one thing I do know is that you don’t want to come off as creepy but constantly texting her. What you need to do is find a way to get her engaged in your texting conversations. With girls, I have found the best way to do this is by telling a unique story through a text message. Think about it this way. Women absolutely love watching T.V. shows like One Tree Hill or (whats that other one…) I don’t know Sex and the City or something. Well, the one thing that these T.V. shows have in common is that they tell a story and get their viewers hooked.

They keep them hooked by ending every single episode on a cliffhanger to make viewers want to tune in to the show the next week. Now, imagine if you do this with a girl while texting her.

You create a story that hooks them in the conversation and you end your conversation with them on a cliffhanger. The story you need to create needs to show you as a higher value male and remind her of the great times you had together.

If you just spam her text messages she will not like it. You need to be really clever about how you approach the situation. Unique and original so that you stand out from everyone.

Look at all the women commenting on this site. All of them want their exes back desperately. You literally have thousands of comments to pick these girls brains (just reply to their comments) and ask them what they think you should do to reattract her.
Zach

August 3, 2013 at 11:22 am

Hey Chris,

Thanks. I am trying not to be pushy with my text message, and no I have not sent her a lot of messages.

I bought the Text Your Ex Back, which you recommended, but the book is released chapter by chapter at different timing. I wish i have the whole book to read through now. As by the time i read could read the whole chapter, she would have left.

I have also plan of going for a long travel around Europe, but that will only be next year. This travel would be my sabbathical travel, and really more for me.

When we started dating i would constantly write a story for her, it was called ‘The Silly Cat Story’. It was a long fantasy/adventure story. Which she likes. It always ends with a cliff hanger with more to look forward to the next time i texted. I never did finish the story for her, and somehow now it felt the story only ended half way. Just like our story.

I did think of continuing this story for her. And i thought, that if she is in UK, then i will email her every week this story. I just don’t know if this would be too strong, and too much. What do you think?

If i couldn’t text her, my only option is an email. I could ask my first-ex to get her number for me, but i am not sure if that would be too much too. What do you think of this ?

I would be happy if anyone could advice me on this.

Thanks

Z
admin

August 4, 2013 at 2:47 am

Hey Zach,

I am writing an Ebook (almost done) and it will be better than Text Your Ex Back guaranteed. I have been writing it for what seems like two months. While it is aimed at women I think honestly men could use it too.

Sweet on going to Europe for a sabbatical. I have always wanted to visit there. Actually, I have always wanted to see France!

I think the silly cat story would be a little too strong out of the gates. If you can find a way to lead up to talking about it then it might work.
Zach

August 5, 2013 at 11:03 pm

Alright Chris. I added you in FB already.

Thanks. And Take care.
Zach

August 4, 2013 at 6:07 am

Hi Chris,

When can I get your book? I would be happy to get a copy from you. Give me a discount. Lol

I was thinking of either going to US or Europe. But in the end Europe seems like the better choice, the culture, history and uniqueness won me over. You should go. If you are ever there, when I am there, we should catch up.

I agree, that’s why I feel it could be too strong. I am really combing through my head to think of the best message to send to her next. I think if I can at least get her to accept an open communication, I would fare better.
admin

August 5, 2013 at 3:10 am

I literally finished writing the ebook today. However, there is still a lot that has to be done.

I am actually confident it is the best and most in-depth thing out there right now.

The crazy part, there is STILL so much to cover that I didn’t. This is just such a crazy complex topic.

Well, I hail from the U.S. so I definitely vote you check out Europe. I will be sure to send you a line if I am ever over there.

Jessica

August 2, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Hi Chris- I posted a while back, was the girl who’s boyfriend broke up with her, I found out I was pregnant 4 days later, he has since moved on and has a new GF. Well I’ve tried to implement limited contact (read your how to get ex back when u have a child together) although I recognize this is a slightly different situation since I’m only 15 weeks pregnant. That being said, I’m questioning myself. I really do love him and want him back but everyone is telling me I’m being stupid- he has moved on and is building a new life with this girlfriend. I should move on too and focus on my baby. I have been talking to a therapist and focusing on improving myself to be a better mom and hopefully partner to him, but I’m not getting alot of support and I guess I’m wondering at what point should I let go and give up? While we still text/chat occasionally and I’ve been very pleasant, I’ve seen no indication that his feelings for me have changed. I guess I just don’t want to continue to be disappointed and try to heal if that’s what I need to do. My therapist has realized how much I truly want this relationship to work and has suggested I ask him about coming to sessions with me, either to possibly reconcile or at least establish how we want to parent. I don’t think he will agree to this, will think it’s couples counseling, and if I need to keep giving him space with the hope he will start to miss me/think about me, I don’t want to push too soon. What do you think?

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:21 am

Hi Jessica,

I hope all is well for you. I think above all your number one priority should be your child so you should be thinking about him/her first!

I want you to take a deep breath and try to look at this from his perspective. While going to therapy might be very very helpful he might feel ambushed or completely shoot down the idea. Not to mention, it can be a turnoff to be forced into something you don’t want to go to and listen to a girl who still has feelings for you just go on and on about how angry she is with you.

I am not sure he will agree to it b/c he will look at it like he is being ambushed.

BUT

The crazy part is that going to therapy would help him and you both I believe. So, I realize I didn’t give you a great answer but I just wanted to give you my thoughts.
Jessica

August 4, 2013 at 5:14 am

Thanks for your thoughts. So just continue as is, occasionally texting? We’ll go a few days and have a good texting convo then he’ll go MIA. It’s been a while- do I ask him to meet up with me for coffee? My next dr appt is August 16th, he asked to go, so do I just wait and see him there?
admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:53 pm

Going forward, just wait to see him there.
Jessica

August 7, 2013 at 3:26 pm

Ok thanks. So you think bringing up us is the right thing to do? I’m concerned with this girl still clearly in the picture it might be too soon.
admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:16 am

Trust your gut. If you don’t feel it is time then don’t bring it up.
Jessica

August 6, 2013 at 10:07 pm

So I texted my ex yesterday to ask if he planned to be at the dr appt next week. My parents had wanted to come if he wasn’t going to go. He said yes, then I asked if he’d like to get lunch afterward and talk. He said yes. Asked a few more questions- I sent him a couple “belly shots”, all good. Talked to a mutual friend who is married to my ex’s buddy. They talked this weekend and evidently my ex is still seeing the new girl, told my friends husband I was seeing someone (!?) and that we’ve worked everything out in regards to the baby, including child support. What? She hit the roof telling her husband my ex was full of it. She thinks he’s saying those things to make himself look better to everyone. Also thinks he thinks I’m not going anywhere…anyway, this was definitely surprising to hear. Do I mention any of this when I see him next week? Do I talk about us at all or keep it about the baby?
admin

August 7, 2013 at 3:21 am

Man, your ex is really lying here isn’t he… Gosh, a part of me just wants you to rip in to him BUT lets just keep it about us and the baby. K?
Jessica

August 4, 2013 at 5:17 am

Also, at what point do I close this chapter and just accept that he has moved on with this new GF? I hate to keep hoping indefinitely. Obviously it’s much more difficult with me carrying his child and I can’t help and hope that his relationship with her will ultimately end and he will realize he wants to give us and our family another chance.
admin

August 4, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Good question, I would say wait until it look like things will get uber serious with the new girl. If they get engaged or something for example. But if he is giving you signs that he still has feelings I say keep trying.

It really is up to you though. Each girl has a different breaking point.

Bec

August 2, 2013 at 9:51 pm

Any advice on how I can do the no contact thing when my ex and I work in the same office and have shared friends.
He and I had been really good friends for 5 years before getting together and one of his reasons for ending things was not wanting to risk our friendship (which is now awkward anyway) or create possible bad feelings in the work place.

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:14 am

I would say do a minimal contact period. You can read about it on this post. Skip to the section about minimal contact.

biyanca

August 2, 2013 at 10:56 am

Btw this article is awesooommmmeee!
biyanca

August 2, 2013 at 10:54 am

Hahaha, i want to know…. lol
I apparently called him @ 6am after having a few “drinks”asking for my stuff back n he told me his sleeping! with so much range anger , he didn’t hang up the line though i called back again he said the same thing, i told him I’m coming to pick it up he was like i ain’t opening the door!So i laughed at him soooooo hard and hang up, i texted him saying give it to my friend! I feel extremely stupid about it!
I should just give up on the him yah?

admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:01 am

I wouldn’t give up just yet. Maybe don’t get drunk and do that again though.

lili

August 1, 2013 at 11:12 pm

Ive been with my bf for 3 and half years and he just decided that we have to break up because we are different religions and that was that. He was gone just like that, I mean completely , wont even talk with me at all, tried texting calling and just gave up now.

admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:32 am

Bummer :/. Do you have a question?

Lara

August 1, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Hey it is me again 😀 And i have some news? My ex wanted to talk about us again and i did causei was going to break this NC anyyway to sart a right one without telling him.So he said ”You don’t believe me or?I miss you and that is why i wanted to skype.Looks like it wasn’t enough.”He got really angry but i didn’t want a fight so i wanted to end this conversation.But he came with ”You want the truth?I don’t want to hurt you anymore!I already did a lo.And you will be much upseter later than now!Hppy?!” I don’t understand his reason to break up.But he already told me a lot of lies about it and he says this is the truth.I just stayed calm and said :’I accepted it.It wasn’t working so it is the best for us!”I did apologise for the stuff i did wrong like being rude and so but then he didn’t answer?!!I’m on NC now but i don’t think he will miss me.He still has me on his friendslist and how i know him he would remove someone if he doesn’t get long with them anymore.But why is he ignoring me?He wanted me to accept it and then he talke to me.And skyped and hen when i say i accept it he ignores me?!I’m on the 2 day of NC now and i did start a new hobby ,met some new people and being really happy!I’m not crying after him at all.I’m having fun with friends and did even post some stuffon FB.I don’t know,do i have some hope?

admin

August 2, 2013 at 2:25 am

Your doing amazing I am so proud of you. I think he is ignoring you out of anger which I talk about here.
Lara

August 2, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Hmm wanted to add something…Well there is a girl who always flirts with him and i am sure shelikes him and he even talks to her.She once said she misses her but he didn’t replay on it just changed the topic…I know reboound eationship but i’m still scared what if he is ignoring me cuz of this new girl?
admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:17 am

A new girl in the mix is always intriguing for a guy. But eventually that “new car smell” will wear off.
Lara

August 2, 2013 at 9:41 am

I’m going to do this 30 days NC no matter what xDD
Ah i see! Thank you very much for your help!I’m so glad that i found your site!!!Thank you thank you thank you!!!
admin

August 3, 2013 at 2:57 am

Thank You!

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