The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

d

July 28, 2013 at 12:17 am

I had been with my boyfriend for 6 years. He had some intimacy problems rooted in years of child abuse. However, he had been so loving and good to me, and we were making progress in the se$ual area. During one fight about this issue, I got impatient, and pushed him. He fell and got a bruise on the right side of his cheek; he left our apartment and has been staying with his friends (who think that I am some kind of monster). I am moving out (i hope temporarily) and am guilt-ridden that I pushed and slapped him in a sloppy moment of aggression (our argument had to do with sex and the repressed side of me all these years just acted out). I know that we belong together and the love we had was real; i know that those 6 years had many more ups and downs and that we can work on this relationship and it is worth salvaging. I have been guilt ridden and have been texting him constantly asking his forgiveness. Some of his friends and family now know about this history of child abuse he has had; i feel awful about sharing this info with them. I know that he loves me a lot and will be very lonely without me; i am also certain that he (and i was too) had dreamt of us spending our entire lives together. I have already asked for his forgiveness for this one huge fight and for sharing these issues with his family without his consent (i was deeply upset after that fight and immediately made these calls). Is there any way he will forgive me and come back to me? I guess, I can start by backing off and not contacting him for at least 30 days. We had 6 years between us and I know in my heart that we belong together. I was wrong. How can I get him back? Will he ever find it in his heart to forgive me? What should I do? Admin please help. Many thanks.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:41 am

I am sure he can find it in his heart to forgive you! You see this page? Do everything it says and you may have a chance at getting him back 🙂

Bethany hood

July 27, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Hey my name is Bethany Hood and I dated my ex boyfriend for 4 years now, he broke up with me because he felt that things needed to change in our relationship and I needed to fix things for us to move on, so I tried to do everything I could to fix certain things I knew he wanted me to work on, and he wasn’t trying to change who I was just some things I needed to work on, which I agreed with 100% but after I felt like I was trying we didn’t get anywhere, we barley hung out and we were kinda distant and the only thing we did was text, so he tried to tell me nothing has changed and he didn’t think anything would as he said we should just be friends for awhile and he said we both need to work on our selves, we have been broken up for about 3 weeks now but he decided we should be friends just maybe a little over a week ago, it’s been so hard, Iv called him texted him done everything you shouldn’t do, but when I got on here and read all this I wanted to ask what you thought, he also uses things against me because when he told me he wanted to be friends I said I can’t and then I left, then when we talked a fee days later because of me he said I was the one that left and don’t want to be friends and work on something more which he never said that to me when he was saying we should be just friends, and Iv also have never gone a week without talking to him and been able to leave him alone, so the no contact rule I feel will really work, but I wanted help

Bethany hood

July 29, 2013 at 9:16 pm

I need advise
admin

July 30, 2013 at 2:19 am

Don’t we all?

Hahaha what can I help you with Bethany?
Bethany hood

July 30, 2013 at 3:19 am

Well I haven’t been able to go more than three dad without talking to him, I don’t know what it is about the third day but I can’t hold out, so I called him today and he just says to me that we always talk about te same things and he doesn’t wang to talk anymore, I asked if he hated talking to me and he said I just for wang to talk when we say the same things it’s annoying, and I asked if he wanted me in his life as he said he would love for me to, and I said to him you also told me we could be friends and work on being something more than that and he said yea but you weren’t up for that, and I told him well I want to and he said we can be friends and I something good happens it happens, then he didn’t care to talk on te phone anymore, I know I have t given it time my I’m confused and hurt
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:37 am

The no contact rule would help certainly then. Do you have any specific questions?
Bethany hood

July 28, 2013 at 11:12 pm

I’m confused because he has said twice now that “I” was the one that left because I didn’t want to be just friends and he said we were going to work towards something more than that, but since I didn’t want to be friends it’s my fault, but the thing is he never told me any of that until AFTER he broke up with me and said lets be friends and I said I didn’t want to anymore because we tried It for a few days, so idk what to do
Bethany hood

July 28, 2013 at 5:57 pm

Do you think by not contacting him that this will be giving him the space he wants and he might start trying to talk to me ?

And I know your not going to know what he really wants, but he has said to me previously that I was the one that left because I didn’t want to be just friends and he said I didn’t want to work towards us being something more than that! I don’t know why he keeps bringing that up now, cause he never said that when he was breaking up with me and said he just wanted to be friends. I’m confused
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:41 am

I think by doing the NC rule that is certainly a possibility. I am not going to paint myself in a corner and say “yes absolutely he will contact you.” because I don’t know but I can tell you that doing NC will raise your chances of him texting you.

Nancy

July 27, 2013 at 10:21 pm

I am 18 and my ex boyfriend is 17. We broke up about 4 months ago but we kept hooking up ALOT after that. I went on 3 family vacations with him after that as well. I think the reason I went was because I wanted to have these amazing times with him and then going NC. Well we just kept hanging out and only seeing each other. Up until 3 days ago when he met a girl and according to him “thought she was cute so I hooked up with her”. Im mad and relived at the same time. I feel like he is going to mess around for a bit and then realize Im the one for him. I know at this point in time he still cares ALOT about having me in his life and im supposed to see him at some point this week to get my stuff back. I just dont know whether to act upset but cool or totally non-chillant when I see him to get my stuff back. After I get my stuff back I am totally starting NC though if you think I still have a chance at getting him back.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:34 am

I think the smartest thing for you is to not think too far ahead. Just implement NC and get through it. Trust me when I say that, that is the hardest part of this whole process. I have met maybe a handful of women out of tens of thousands that have done it successfully (not contacted their ex in 30 days.)
Nancy

July 27, 2013 at 10:25 pm

I know NC will work to some extent because everytime I pull away from him he begs for me back…but idk if thats just because he didnt have some one else. I want him back as my boy friend. The reason we initially broke up was because i stressed him out. Which I will work on during NC.
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:36 am

You have a chance then!
Nancy

July 30, 2013 at 5:42 am

how do you think i should act with him when I get my stuff back? Like dont care? bitter? happy?
admin

July 30, 2013 at 6:02 pm

None of the above.

You are there to get your stuff. Don’t be angry don’t be overly happy just be pleasant and keep the conversation kind of short. Don’t talk about your relationship with him though.
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:35 am

You have a chance certainly then!

tash

July 27, 2013 at 9:45 pm

Hi

so happy I came across this post but need some personal advice. .to cut a long story short.. my ex left me after 3 years together. .he gave me various reasons but basically came down to I didnt appreciate him and respect him. Now he basically only saw the bad in our relationship and referenced all the bad.

I get the nc theory but for the 1st 3 weeks he kept contact. First saying he didnt leave me he left the house then saying its never too late we would resolve it. So it was a month of me thinking we would resolve it and then when I said ok I understand he would throw something else negative at me. A month of thst and he cut me off completely deleted me off fb and thst was it. Now admittedly I did mess up in the relationship. but since the break up I have got a nasty slap of reality and it seems light bulbs are triggering of all stuff I did do and should change. Dont get me wrong not only changing for him but it is important for me cause he was actually right. Any way its been 2 months of no contsct except he did wish me for my birthday last week. Do u think there is still hope.. where in the process do I start? I did write him a letter acknowledging all my wrong but before I sent it…just before. ..I came across this post…please help

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:32 am

Sorry for the late response.

Why not just text him? Don’t send the letter just text him with one of the example texts on this post.
tash

July 28, 2013 at 5:16 am

Is it fair for me to send the following text..or is it going onto the good memories before first contact…
Hey,finally finished sorting my photos there a few good ones of you and your friends, should I put them on disc and send to you?
admin

July 28, 2013 at 5:22 am

I think that is fair for sure

Kay

July 27, 2013 at 8:42 pm

Hey I could use some advice. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years before we broke up. Our entire relationship was a long distance one because I was in college, so we saw each other only on the weekends…usually every single weekend. He got a new job and he started becoming an increasingly angry person after work. I think it is too hard on him. We began fighting over things such as him not texting me as much anymore and he wanted less and less contact. I felt we needed as much contact as possible since we were long distance. I ended up kind of pushing him away I believe because I wanted more contact. He soon felt like he didn’t have time to hangout with his friends because he was with me every weekend. We basically broke up because of the constant fighting. About a month after the break up (I didn’t really follow through with the no contact rule) I contacted him via text and he immediately texted back and expressed that he missed me, loved me, etc. We ended up getting back together only for about 4 weeks. We broke up again because of the fighting. I felt like spending more time with his friends was more important to him than spending time with me or even contacting me. Also his family dislikes me now because of the break up and they don’t really want him to see me either. Do you think it would be worth it to try the no contact rule and try to get him back? He has some qualities that I really want for a guy to have but I can’t deal with the back and forth and the fighting. I feel like one day he wants to be with me and the next he’s no so sure. He still “stalks” my Facebook I know because he will text me and ask what my statuses are about and one time he freaked out because he thought I deleted him off of Facebook. Is it worth it to do the no contact rule and then try to get him back or just move on because lately he hasn’t been treating me right?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:26 am

I think the no contact rule is a great idea for you!

Sorry for the short response I have a million comments to get to today. Keep asking questions though cause I will be here to answer.

Kate

July 27, 2013 at 5:28 pm

In a committed relationship over a year to a guy I have known for 13 years. Definitely what wach of us ways dreamed about. I am 27 he is 34. He had a prior relationship where he had a house and was engaged. After a few years of being broken up and still in the house together I came along and helped him get out of te house and squared away in a new apartment. We always had an amazing relationship. One day he woke up and said he was done and blamed me for all reasons which seemed to reflect his past relationship. He had all my belongings in his apartment and even our pet. We were ready to move in and take leaksforward. After three weeks no contact he removed it all from his apartment and had me come pick it up. I was in shock. No breakup til I called him. We haven’t spoken in a few weeks and since he has told a family member he just wants to be free, alone and live life the way he wants. It’s not our relationship it’s him. He doesn’t want to talk to me or contact me at all and seems very mean though we didnt end the relationship with a fight. Is this something that seems I can wake him up with great memories of us with ghese techniques or just let it be?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:25 am

I think giving him time will really get him in a better position to have a conversation with you for sure. These techniques probably can help but I think the time will be more significant.

Jane

July 27, 2013 at 1:24 pm

Hey there,

I’ve been in the NC stage for almost a month; it ends in 3 days. This may sound nit-picky or over-thought, but I’m wondering what your opinion is on using emoticons in the first text? I know some guys see them as a flirt signal, and I don’t want to be too forward (or do I?)

Thanks.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:18 am

I love questions like this! Bring them on.

In my personal opinion, I think bringing out emotions right off the bat may be too soon. I would go with a more general text but something still so interesting that he has to respond. In the end though the goal is to get him to think very positive about you.

Lara

July 27, 2013 at 12:03 pm

Hey it is me again. Wanted some advice again.We talk now all day again because he begged me to.He even begged me to Skype and he said he misses me a lot.We can meet next year.But we are not together,but we do talk a lot.He still tells me everything and so on.Is there still hope?What can i do?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:17 am

You need to go out on a date with him. However, you are taking a huge risk by breaking NC.
Lara

July 28, 2013 at 8:50 am

I should start my NC again? For 30 days?
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:10 am

I think it is a good plan yes!

Linny

July 27, 2013 at 10:28 am

My ex and I have a long history. We started out as friends and we liked one another and it never went anywhere from there but remained bestfriends. Five years later we both got out of our own relationship at the same time and started developing feeling for each other and thus began dating. So we recently broke up July 4th. We have great chemistry for the most part. We have a great time together when things were great where we were so comfortable and loving with one another, but then there were days where we would fight over the stupidest things, but somehow the fight would escalate into a big fight because were both so hot tempered and stubborn to give into one another and admit fault or just let it go. Anyways, so gradually the fight took a toll one both of us and he called it quits. His perspective on things are we need to get over all the bumps in the road in order for us to have a successful future. My perspective is more so…you’re always gonna have bumps on the road, but its how you handle it and progress and learn from each fight. Well it pretty much got to a point where he said “I cant do it anymore…we both tried and I just cant do it anymore. I honestly feel like we shouldve broken up a long time ago based on how we fight.” We don’t hit each other or anything, but its more so who has the last say and we try so hard to get the other person to see where were coming from and we both get defensive so easily that we start to have a lot of miscommunication and not say what we really felt anymore because we didnt want it to lead to another fight. To be honest, I normally would just let a relationship go once it has ended, but I cant with him because for one…he was my bestfriend and two…I had a lot of time to reflect on what we did wrong and see how and where it couldve been fixed. I realized that we both need to calm our jets and realize that we both have good intentions and we shouldnt get so defensive as to what our partner does that could hurt our feelings because they probably dont mean anything by it. So after we broke up on July 4 I called him later that day and tried to work things out but this was before I had time alone to reflect on our relationship and mistakes. Then my weak self called him a weak later to try to talk about it again and both times just left me in tears and I heard myself tell him “how could you just give up on us after five years?” and him telling me how “I think this is better for us.” If I know anything about him, I dont think its another woman…at least I hope not? but I admit I saw a lot of things that faded in my own relationship as I was reading your article. How we took one another for granted, we didnt compliment one another as much, stopped doing certain little things like we used to, sex wasn’t as fun and spontaneous, I did gain weight but not anything where I would say made me look awful because we both tried to upkeep that if anything. Anyways, since then I havent contacted him and its been a little over three weeks. I guess my question is…do you think this is something that could be mended? I felt like he was so stern to not be with me anymore. And yes, my weak side did stalk him on Facebook and it just seems like hes having a great time without me. Going out all the time and looking very happy in pictures. Me, Ive been doing all the things you told us not to do which is sleeping a lot and work as little as possible. We both just gotten to a point where one day were extremely happy and the next where we could be extremely miserable. We both thought about marriage together but all that became blurry the more we fought. I have been better lately but trying to stay positive and going to gym and doing some home improvements and going out. I just want to give it another try now that I had time to gain some perspective on it all and myself, but I am scared that our fights and me has driven him away too far to come back. Hes not the type of guy that would normally chase after a girl after they have broken up because in his head its more so “perhaps they could find happiness elsewhere since they couldnt find it with me so why should I hold them back.” How high are my chances of us being able to mend things? Oh, also about the texting part…how far apart should I attempt each text tactic? Any other advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you so much for putting the time and effort into an article that I’m sure has helped many.

admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:16 am

Howdy!

There is a lot there so I am just going to answer your most crucial questions.

If he is not the type of guy that would chase after a girl then I am so glad you know that. You know that you might not get a call from him during NC if you choose to do that and you will have to put in some work if you want him back. As far as the texting goes. I would say you should try to let a 4-5 day period go by before you graduate on to the next tactic. A lot of it though is being able to adapt on the run.
Linny

July 27, 2013 at 10:36 am

Oh also I have been posting pictures on Facebook and Instagram of like…food, me making process in working out, me having fun…but i would never post a guy in it because I dont want to come off as spiteful? but i wanted to show that im ok without you type deal? idk….lol oh and after the 2nd time i called him the week after we broke up he blocked me from seeing anything on facebook but yet is my friend on facebook and then yesterday decided to unblock me? what should i take of this? at first i got kinda weirded out as hes trying to hide something? then i tried to justify it as him trying to spare my feelings so i could move on? and on his facebook he still has all of our pictures and albums of us together…I dont think he tried to hide anything because we have plenty of mutual friends and they said it looked the same? blaahhh i sound like such a girl lol
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:12 am

Don’t let the unblocking get to your head. You just focus on YOU right now. Umm… you are doing everything right with Facebook in my mind!

Celine

July 26, 2013 at 4:11 pm

Hi Chris. I love this article, and I think I’ll try to use it to get my one true love back.

And thanks for advising in the comments. I met my boyfriend two years ago and we just fell in love and soon after we moved in together and planned for babies and to be together for all time. We were very much in love. But after two years together and some problems with communication we hit a black hole. I didn’t feel like he prioritized me, and therefore I became a nag and felt missunderstood because he didn’t met my needs in the realtionship, and he felt chocked and not good enough – and he moved away from me emotionally. In the end he ended it and I was heartbroken. We got back together after two weeks because we really truly loves each other. Be both agree that none of us have ever felt anything like the thing we share togher and that we’ve never loved anyone else like we love each other. But we were reckless and just to much in love to face the flaws and work on it so things just went back, and after three weeks back together we couldn’t go on any further. I know he loves me. We were so happy 99 percent of the time. He has said after the break up that I’m the one person who have had the greatest meaning of his life, if we do not count family. And I have taught him a lot of life. He found a love in me he didn’t event thought existed. But it don’t change that we had problems the last couple of months, problems that maybe were to complicated to unravel form together. Of course there was a reason we broke up.

But now it’s a month passed the break up. He have moved out and he have cut contact with me because he sais it hurts to think of me and us, and he is about to cry every time he thinks of me and the things we had together. (He is a sensitive guy, and that is one of the things I love most about him). At first I was heartbroken and devastated. But as the days goes by and I my mind gets a bit clearer i realize that I truly do love him with all the good and the bad. All of him and not just the image i have of my perfect partner. I know him and all his strenghts and weaknesses. It’s not egoistic love, but i truly do love him. I want him back and become the girl he fell in love with again. I know he could be happy with me, we have been so happy before so why shouldn’t we could be happy again. I’ve never felt this way.

I’ve tried to keep contact even though he is trying to keep his space (ok not good I know), he is very sweet to answer me even though he doesn’t contact me. But every time I talk to him I try to be happy. I’ve also offered him to meet over a beer and music, but he said he wasen’t ready to see me, and that just thinking of meeting me made him sad. I still have a lot of his stuff. And he nows I still care for him, and that I will keep his stuff safe till he is ready to meet up and he knows that I’ll be there for him if he really needs me.

I haven’t tried to give him space in 30 days, and I think I’ll try to do that for now, I can sense he needs to be alone for now. Do you think I can ever catch him again? I really miss him. I’m not desperate and I can live without him and get by on my own. But he really is a very special person and I would love if I didn’t have to live without him. It would make me very happy to get back together with him and find a way back to the happy life and future plans we had together 🙂 Do you think I have a chance?

admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:52 am

Well, do I think you have a chance? Yes I do!

However, I give everyone this disclaimer b/c it is the truth: we are dealing with a male human being here. Even if you do everything right sometimes things just don’t work out. However, I DO think you have a chance!

grace

July 26, 2013 at 3:05 am

Hi admin!
Im grace from the philippines, my story is very weird and creepy. Since I was little I always have this experience of dreaming my future, either bad or good and all of them happens. most of the time it becomes a warning to those who are about to die or to warn family and friends and keep them safe from harm like fire, rebel attack and such.

Last april, i had a friend who was a in a military who passed away since he was an official he has co officials carrying his coffin and this happened april of 2012. last november 2012 i started dreaming about this army official ( 26 years old) who i saw in the cemetery back in april . i only saw him once and he he was standing side view a few meters from me. So november i started asking around and contacted 6 army post looking for him from description, one dream lead to continous dreams of this stranger. january 14, 2013 i got a phone call from my friend in surigao and told me he saw the man i was looking for so i asked him to send me a picture which i confirmed is him. that same day i sent a letter of journals and poems based on what i wrote bout my dreams and sent him fruits. one of my dreams includes my mom who gave him my parents old coin which they used in their wedding ring, i saw in my dreams mama gave it to him a lot of times so i included the family coin for him to keep. we are 18 hours away from each other. i just cant believe i found him already and i go to church and lit candles to guide him and see him. it was a long search i guess. after 3 days he called me and the first time i heard his voice was butterflies, it started to be an hours of phone call everyday for more than 2 months, march came and he told me he is going to the army reservation in nueva ecija for his schooling and to promote his rank, we both decided to meet but he cannot go out for 3 months coz he will be very busy. so i suggested that if he cant come to me , i will come to him. we both agreed and most of it i was the one insisting. so i packed a 50 kilo luggage and travelled 4 hours by bus, 3 hours by plane and another 6 hours by bus to get to the army reservation training ground. there i rented a small apartment just outside the post. yes my decisions was so aggressive and always in a rush. i was immature and kinda dominant and bitchy to him just to get what i want. i was obssessed and so obvious i like him, i always initiate text and calls later on. we met in a mall for dinner and he visited me in the apartment i rented , he was with him co official. the first meeting was only 45 minutes. when we were still phonepals he was sweet and flirty and we had heart to heart talks and very deep conversation for hours minimum of 3 hours he calls me every night and day but after he meet me in person he changed. he is really good looking hes around 5’7, bronze complexion, nice small nice and very nice lips and flawless skin. very nice body and very serious intelligent guy.he has conservative and religious sides too. i on the other hand is 4’10, with a 40, 34, 40 vital stats, nice eyes, long black hair and tan skin. i am short and fat and i have a very strong facial features. but deep inside im so romantic, sweet, cares a lot and thoughtful. im very artistic too, i write him poem, send him my hand painting stuff. out plan was to see each other every weekend and celebrate holyweek in a beach resort for 3 days and celebrate my birthday may 12 together. all of those didnt happened. he didnt show up, never visited and never called not unless i text terrorize him and blackmail him. for 108 and days i am inside this army reservation waiting for him to arrive but he never did, i was mad and angry and i felt he was a coward, i cursed and i said things i shouldnt have and i want to be a friend first to him but later on he refused and he shoo me away, after that i met a new soldier, had a relationship with him for a month and its more on a rebound. we broke up too. he knows i have a bf already but he is still in my heart and mind and i still text terrorize him until 1 week ago. i asked him if there is one thing i can grant a wish for him what would that be and he said, i dont want to be your friend and i want you to leave me alone. he became the total opposite of what we were on the first 2 months. so im single now, i am putting up my own business going to gym regularly, rum 25 KM per day back and forth. im now 36- 28- 36 vitals. i am doing NC for 1 week now. in the past 3 months i can say that i lost my lost my confidence, self worth and pride in the process of loving him too much. we were never in a relationship i know its weird. im trying to put my back life together and be productive and make myself better physically and financially. i can say he was dissappointed with my looks and me becoming clngy, desperate and needy like. his birthday is on september 20th. what should i do. im doing NC for 1 week now from the 3 months of text terrorizing him and obssessing him. what should i do? i hope you dont think im a psycho. hahaha i want him back like what we were or just plain first atleast then from there God knows. before i was so confident, proud, i can live without you im an independent woman but when we met i was the total opposite. before he calls and text everyday after we meet he text once until it became once a month if i get mad already. help me

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:29 am

Keep in NC don’t worry about wishing him a happy birthday!

What are you doing during NC to regain your confidence?
grace

July 26, 2013 at 3:11 am

by the way, his schooling ended june 2013 and he never said goodbye, i just found out from a friend that he is back in surigao. i am still here in the army post where he left me, on the same house, i already established a little business here and i already planned to stay here for good. now we are from the different sides of the country. he left me

Rosie

July 26, 2013 at 2:05 am

Hi,

I broke up with my ex boyfriend after he told me that he knows I cheated him. Actually I broke up with both boyfriends because I need some times off to think whether or not I should proceed the relationship with either one of them.

After things went crazy, I decided to proceed the relationship with him (single and younger than me) and broke up with ‘the other guy – married man!’.

But recently he started to make distance, ignored me and said he want some space and time to heal. When i confronted him, he told me he was so frustrated, hurts and trust become our main issue right now. He also said he doesn’t want to be with people who make him as an option. He also confessed he loves me still but it is different from before.

I know he still cares of me as always asked me to take a really good care of myself, advice me not forget to eat and pick up my phone if i called him.

Do you think i can start the NC rule?
Do u think i still have hopes?

I’m so confused.

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:26 am

You have hope for sure and it’s not too late for NC.

Kaylee

July 26, 2013 at 1:06 am

Hi so I really need some advice. I am 19 and I had been dating my ex boyfriend who is also 19 for about 8 months before he broke up with me. We had a very solid, easy relationship (even did most of it long distance). I really thought he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, up until he kissed another girl. He told me the next morning that he cheated and then broke up with me, saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship because he can’t keep messing up (he made really dumb personal decisions towards the end) and he had been going through depression for about a year, including our relationship. I was aware of the depression our whole relationship but he never showed it to other people and he told me at one point if it wasnt for me he didnt think he would be here (suicide). He also said that I am the perfect girl for him but he just can’t be in a relationship and find out who he is and be truly happy until he works it out by himself. I have been following the no-contact rule besides me texting him about a week after our breakup I heard he had kissed his ex girlfriend of 2 years (I was emotionally wacked at the time aka super jealous). Since, it has been about a month, and I have gone through an emotional roller coaster and now I am ready to forgive him as long as he is willing to apologize and I really want him back in my life as my boyfriend, but its hard to even know if he wants me anymore. Is it worth it to contact him or should I really just let him have his time alone?

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:22 am

I want to ask you Kaylee what does your gut tell you? If your gut says wait a little longer then do that. However, if it is telling you to contact him then do that.
Kaylee

July 28, 2013 at 3:54 pm

Would you suggest the “I have a confession” text or a text referring to the past? Or how would you approach him? My gut is telling me to talk to him. It’s also complicated because he leaves back to San Francisco at the end of August.
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:36 am

Honestly, which text do you think would work best? I would have to know him personally to say like “Oh, the text from the past would work.”
Kaylee

July 29, 2013 at 5:46 am

Very true!! What is your opinion on if he hasn’t personally contacted me himself? I feel like if he really wanted to talk to me, he would.
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:35 am

If he hasn’t personally contacted you it usually means he is really stubborn, still really angry or just too shy to reach out. Either way, you can contact him eventually when the time is right.

suzie

July 25, 2013 at 11:40 pm

Me and my boyfriend were together for 3years we broke up once for five months and got back together. And now we jus broke up 3weeks ago. The reason for the break up was we had got into real bad over a.misunderstanding. and he moved out of the house we lived in and back with his mom and he told he what happen and now she doesnt like me at all. He is 27years old. She told him that if he continue to talk to me that she would cut him out of her life. I strongly believe knowing the woman she is that she is that she is jus mad right now. But he says that he still loves me and that he wants to make it work but he doesnt wana hide behind his mothers back. Since the break up we still see each other n have se$ but i still find myself getting very emotional at the fact we arent together. So sometimes when he comes around i end up crying or getting emotional and he says that makes him.not want to be around me when i act that.l way. He took on the role as my daughter father when we got togethrr so he is all she know as a father n he still calls her n come see her. But its so hard because when he not there she question me non stop about him. He says that he is happy right now not being together because he doesny have to worry bout arguing with me everyday. But he also says he doesnt wana lose me. He says he doesnt talk to any other females on a serious note. N.evrytime i ask him if he talks to girls he gets mad and shuts down. I really wana make this work i really wana prove to.his mom that i am good for him Hbecause i have been there for him since day 1 of course things wasnt always perfect but what relationship is. Im just so confused because some days we good we talk no arguements n its still all love and then other days he ignores me or act funny.e says that im overthinking things and that we are goin to get back.together jus not right now but im afraid im goin to lose him. What should i do? am.i making myself to available ? how do i get him to miss me? and want me as bad as i want him? Right now my emotions are all ovet the place

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:14 am

I am glad you commented Suzie because I think I can help you.

If you aren’t together right now, even if he says you will be eventually, you probably aren’t going to be without some serious changes. I think you really really really really really really really really need to go into a no contact period.

For 30 days ignore him. Right now you are a booty call to him. Lets get you out of that territory and turn the tables on him.
suzie

July 26, 2013 at 7:26 pm

But Wont Not Contacting Him Jus Make Him Forget About Me? Do U Really Think Its A Chance of Us Fixing This Even With His Mom Not Liking Me Anymore?
admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:59 am

Nope! I doubt he forgets about you in a month. I doubt he forgets about you in three years.
suzie

July 28, 2013 at 5:17 am

I Just Found Out Today That He has A Girlfriend Now. Im Such a ness. I Cant Believe its only be three weeks n he already has a girl when.he was the one that said he dont want me to move on. Im heartbroken . N now he keeps carrying me by now answering phone or text. He said he didnt tell.me cus he didnt wana hurt my feelings.but now im even.more hurt and cant stop crying
admin

July 28, 2013 at 5:27 am

Suzie calm down it is ok. I want you to read this: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-know-if-your-ex-boyfriend-is-in-a-rebound-relationship-how-long-will-it-last/

Janell

July 25, 2013 at 11:18 pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7years and we have two small children together, also live together. Just last week he told me he wasn’t sure if he was in love with me anymore and think we should break up. I don’t think hes cheating honestly but who knows.He has a lot of financial issues and said that he doesn’t want to have to answer to anyone. Hes been pretty bitter towards me and I haven’t been mean or spiteful only patient towards him. I don’t know what to do because we have a 2 and 3 year old and I still live in his house and its killing me seeing him walking in and out of the house when he wants. I don’t have the financial stability to move out either. What should I do?i love him dearly and very distraught by whats happening to our family.

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:10 am

Has he broken up with you yet?

Sounds like you two are still together right now.

I did write a post I think would be really good for you: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/get-your-boyfriend-back-if-you-have-a-child-together/

Rachel

July 25, 2013 at 11:06 pm

Hi,

I have really enjoyed reading through this material! I have a question though. I de-friended my ex on Facebook about 2 weeks ago because I was having a hard time not looking at his page. So if I post pics of me with guys he won’t see them. I have 2 more weeks of NC and I am wondering, should I send him a friend request once my NC period is over?

Thanks!

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:08 am

Don’t worry about Facebook then. You can friend him after NC is done.

Denise

July 25, 2013 at 10:19 pm

Hi, First of all thank you for taking the time to provide the advice in this situation. My boyfriend and I went on for a little bit more than a year and a half. We broke up after a huge fight two months ago,he sent an email using the “we are not in the same channel” the next day and broke off contact. The he sent an e-mail, using the “It is not you , it´s me” and then sent a short congratulatios e- mail for my birthday. After that he sent a mail letting me know , he have heard some good comments about me, got a bit jealous with my response and then he let me know he is leaving town (which was actually a plan we shared). I sent a supportive reply but saying something about “respecting our processes” (I’m going to therapy, he is trying to change his life) and haven´t heard from him since then. I didn’t find your website on time. Now I´m wondering in what point of the process am I or even if I´m in the process at all?

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:07 am

Are you two still driving distance from eachother?

I think it would be ok for you to open up communication with him. Check out some of the texting examples I have on the site for reference.

Riri

July 25, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Hooray for lengthy story time!
So there was this guy I met in college this past year. We started talking. Talking led to me inviting him out, led to kissing, then leading to friends with benefits. We both said that “friends with benefits” was all that it would be.
You can see where this is going.
We both got quite attached. But he is moving to a different city at the end of next month. So he broke up with me. His reasoning is that to wait til August, the break up would have been even more difficult. He said he considered a long-distance relationship, but with how busy he would be, doing that, he thought, wouldn’t be fulfilling for either of us. Obviously I cried; being dumped sucks. But I told him that I agreed with his reasoning and that he was totally right. When I regained my composure and started chatting (keep in mind this all happened during our break-up), he suggested that he and I watch the show we were both following at his house later in the week. I agreed and did not talk to him for two days (I know, broke the 30 day rule). We agreed to be friends after breaking up.
So I text him a couple days before we were to hang out to confirm that we’d be meeting up, and he happily confirmed. We kept in casual contact for those two days before we hung out, talking about work and school and all that.
We did hang out at his house, and it felt perfectly normal. It was exactly like it felt when we were dating (although no kissing, hugging, or physical contact was made). After he drove me home, I asked how he was doing post break-up and he said he was doing well. He asked how I was doing and I told him that it had been a rough few days, but I’ve been keeping myself busy and getting better. Then he shared that he had a kinda sad weekend too, hanging out with buddies. He joked that at first he was like “I don’t wanna think” because, as he said, dudes aren’t allowed to cry (though he did start crying at the end of our break-up).
So we’ve kept talking about light subjects. No plans for another hang out yet. I know I buggered a lot of the steps, as he leaves in less than 30 days, and it would be a dick move to ignite him if he wants to hang out again.
I can’t shake the feeling that this isn’t over. What do I do? I kinda feel ridiculous but this is a guy who is an amazing human being that I want in my life.

admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:01 am

Howdy!

Yea that is a really sad situation for both parties involved. You like him, he likes you but he wants to be free from a long distance relationship. How long will he be gone for?

I am actually planning on writing a real huge page on how to get an ex back in LDR but I don’t have any information right now and don’t have a method in place. I think the smartest thing you can do is remain friends with him, work on healing and evolving and keep in touch with him over the long distance. Maybe if he comes back one day you can pick up right where you left off.
Riri

July 26, 2013 at 3:19 am

He’ll be gone for an indefinite amount of time. But he does have friends and family up here he’ll be coming to visit every couple of months. He’ll be living five hours away in a city that I was hoping to move to way before I even knew he existed, so there’s that.
admin

July 26, 2013 at 3:28 am

Hmm…. Try a NC period and work on improving yourself for now.
Riri

July 27, 2013 at 4:17 pm

Ok, I really need to work on the no contact thing, now that I saw that comment =|
I went to the movies the other day and invited him (and him to bring a friend with him). He declined as he already had plans, but thanked me for the offer. I would have just let it go, but he still carried on a conversation before I could respond (about money and how much it sucks to be a broke college student). He did remember about me having my job interview, though, and asked how that went (to be fair, I mentioned it the previous day). Our conversation was short, simply because I needed to go to sleep, so I told him goodnight, and he said goodnight back.
I’m obsessing and over-analyzing, I know!
It’s been a week since our break-up, but I would like to ask him “why not try long-distance? We talk every day anyways, and every now and then one of us will be in the other person’s city.” It’s not something I’m going to bring up right now. My question is: should I even ask? If so, when? I figured I should ask an expert before I go and say something stupid.
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:21 am

He will turn you down on the LDR thing. How do I know?

Because if he really wanted that he would have already made reference to it instead of breaking up with you. You can ask him if you want but I don’t want you to get too upset if he shoots you down.

Amy

July 25, 2013 at 5:02 pm

This post is a masterpiece! Thankyou for putting in so much effort!
I need a little advice, I’ll try and keep it short! Basically I was with my boyfriend for 18 months since we started uni, and we were very happy together, he even cried a few weeks ago when we were saying bye to go home for summer. However we hadn’t set any plans in stone to meet up and it was irritating me, and we had a blazing argument over the phone about it and I shouted that it was over in my temper (very very bad move I know, and I apologized and even sent a letter). Later on he rang me and said it was over for good because he felt like my interests always came first and I was suffocating him. I asked to meet up and he wouldn’t,(he said it would only bring back old feelings), he even made me cancel the holiday we had booked. A week later I found out he was already talking to this girl who we had had problems with in the past,so I sent a horrible text because I was hurt. We ended the conversation on an alright note though with him saying he hopes I have a fun summer.
Thing is he’s blocked me on fb now and I won’t see him until Oct (we have some of the same friends too). So do you think it’ll be better to extend the NC time until then and use the time in between to work on myself, or is 2 months too long? He might totally forget about me? I think if I text him without bumping into him (at uni) he’ll be too stubborn to reply with anything nice and just think ‘why is she texting me now’ kinda thing!

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:53 am

Go with your gut Amy.

Originally the NC rule was supposed to be 90 days or three months. I thought that was too extreme though so I shortened it to a month. So extend the no contact rule by all means. He won’t forget about you. You can’t forget an ex that soon.

Kiran

July 25, 2013 at 7:38 am

My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, after a month of constant arguing due to working together, and rumours about him and another girl we work with. Looking back i know that i shouldn’t have listened to the rumours because he hadn’t done anything wrong, however, once everyone at work had told me about them, i found it hard to get it out of my head. Now that we have split, the two of them are messaging and flirting in front of me at work, but i know he still cares about me because he still touches me, and i catch him looking at me during our shifts. I think he may be using her as jealousy material or rebound, but i don’t know what that may lead to. I would really like to be with him again, and not just cus i miss him. However, working together (with him being my manager) means that it’s difficult for the NC rule to take place, cus sometimes i have to speak to him, as part of my job. I should, on the other hand, be going to university in just under two months, and really need advice on how to get him back seeing as he is messaging and flirting with this girl and the NC rule is harder to follow when we have to talk.. He has also blocked me off Facebook, but not off twitter or any other sites.
I’ve been going out and having fun (like suggested) and also becoming more confident with myself and trying new things, and he saw me just before i was going out in my new dress, all done up and he had the biggest smile on his face.
I know he still cares, cus when i get attention at work, he becomes moody and irritated and doesn’t seem himself. But with uni coming i need to know whether to try make it happen before i go, or let it play out when i’ve left too?
Please advise me 🙂
P.s. your site is amazing

admin

July 26, 2013 at 2:41 am

Hi Kiran!

You are in one of those very rare situations where you can’t do no contact to it’s fullest extent since you do work with your ex. No matter though, I have the solution. You are going to enter into MC or Minimal Contact. Basically, the only time you are allowed to break NC is when you are in situations where you absolutely have to talk to your ex. Other than that though the NC rules still apply.

How do you handle your interactions with your ex?

You want to control them. I want you to be the one that ends the conversation in person always. Also, make sure you are upbeat, positive and happy. Keep the conversations realitively short. Do not get in any arguments and do not care if he is using this other girl to make him jealous.

Right now, just make it through 30 days of MC.
Kiran

July 26, 2013 at 11:04 am

Thank you very much. So today is the start of MC, where i won’t speak unless i have to.
Interactions with him seem to be okay at the moment, i am not overly friendly, just professional, but maybe i should smile more?
I will not let this other girl bother me at the minute because i think it is just a jealousy/wanting attention trick.
Thank you for your help 🙂
admin

July 28, 2013 at 3:42 am

Sounds like you have it under control!

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