The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

AJ

July 14, 2013 at 3:18 pm

Hi,
I like your advice and support and was wondering if you might have feedback for my specific situation. We have dated for 7 years but broke up a month ago after his mom became extremely ill. We haven’t spoken and he is now with his mom (in a different country). This is actually our 3rd break up (the first was early on, he ran into an ex and became confused. The second was 3 years ago, he felt the passion had gone, but he came back a couple of months later). He is smart, honest, loving, affectionate, and we have a great deal of fun together. But he seems scared of getting married (it had been a topic of conversation over the last 6 months). The last time we spoke, he said he still loved me but did not know why he couldn’t commit to marrying me and did not want to lead me on. He also said he wanted to focus on his mom and could not think about this. Given that we have broken up a couple of times before, I wonder if it is likely he will be open to reconciliation. Given our history, do you think it’s even worth it? (I think he knows that we need to be on the same page about marriage if he comes back. I also worry that the next time a big life stress comes up, he may check out again).

admin

July 15, 2013 at 7:37 pm

Well, since you guys are an on again off again couple I would say the chances of getting him back are there. However, you may need to give him some time to sort things out.

Chris

July 13, 2013 at 6:22 pm

My ex and I met in January of 2011. He had a boyfriend at the time, but they broke up very quickly because that person was cheating on him. They had been together for about four months. We started dating within a week of that, but it was super rocky. He was on dating sites and said he found more of what he was looking for in other people he had conversations with. I kept being following him, and we had sex and stuff. By April, he was ready to commit to being my boyfriend. We had some more issues because he kept talking to people on dating sites. We moved in together in July. We loved each other very much, but we had a lot of problems – fighting a lot, and he was lazy. He complained to all of his friends about me throughout our relationship, although we also has great times and a powerful bond (this was a second long term relationship for both of us). He eventually quit the dating sites. In May of 2012, I broke up with him. Since then, we were on again/off again until April of 2013. He moved in with some friends, and he grew more and more detached from me, even wanting an open relationship. In April of this year, I was going through a lot and told him he was worthless and would never amount to anything. He said that was the nail in the coffin. I started seeing someone casually, and he thought it was serious and got jealous. That didn’t last very long, and then he seemed to want things over for good. We’ve hardly seen each other on the last month, but we talk. We have to to some extent, because he is making a website for me. He had told me he couldn’t imagine seriously dating someone else, but then he did just that. (He got dumped pretty quickly though, and has now moved onto someone else.) we were supposed to go to Hawaii together in September and now he says “definitely not.” He wants to remain friends, but says he remembers now all the reasons he didn’t want to be with me in the first place – the quality of qualities I don’t have that so many others do. He also says I don’t understand what is valuable about him, and others articulate it. He had said at one point that I was so valuable to him, he could never imagine not wanting to cuddle with me or have sex. He has made a lot of new friends, and he attributes that to the breakup and says he has never been happier. He is cold and distant when I see him, but he still says things that tells me he wants me around. He asked if i was going to a game nigjt next week we always go to (excitedly) and i asked if that’s what he wanted. then he got cold and said “Go if you want, it’s not about me.” He also says he loves me sometimes, but I think it might be just to make me feel good. Last night was the night he said we definitely couldn’t get back together ever — he can’t imagine wanting to. I kind of think maybe I’ve really lost him this time, even if he cares about me. What do you think? Does his reasoning trump everything else? I feel hopeless and I still hope he’ll change his mind about our trip in September/October. (By the way, the person he is now dating is moving to Asia at the end of August, so that won’t last.) I just feel like this time I’ve lost him.

admin

July 15, 2013 at 7:29 pm

I think that maybe you should try going NC on him.
Chris

July 18, 2013 at 10:46 pm

It’s hard. I sent him an email to try to mend some fences. He texted me a couple times and I wrote back because he gets angry and distant when he doesn’t. He had the nerve to say in one of his responses that this new person was very compatible for whom (although moving to Taiwan for 9 mos. at the end of the summer). If I implement the rule now, do I still have a chance? Everything he was “missing” with me he has found in this new person.
admin

July 19, 2013 at 2:12 am

I still think you should do it. But not for him, FOR YOU. Really work on improving yourself. Who knows, maybe by then the honeymoon period will be over.

Chelsea

July 13, 2013 at 5:02 pm

i know you get these all the time, but every situation is different. i just wanted to get your expert opinion on mine.

my ex was the one who broke it off on May 26, and we havent had contact since. i really miss him, and love him. but i dont know if he feels the same anymore. i just want him back. he never tried to contact me ever since the breakup. when he broke it off, he said he didnt love me anymore, that he doesnt feel the same like he used to. and we could be friends. but when i try to reach out to him in the earlier days of the breakup, he just ignored me. last June 3, we saw each other because of a friend’s birthday. i tried the No Contact rule. but i slipped on June 11, and another one on July 2. do you think i still have a chance to get him back? please advice. i really need your help. i want him back. i could be myself when im with him. and i feel safe and secure, like nothing bad could happen. he gives me “that” feeling i cant describe. i love him so much that it hurts to the core. please help. thank you so much for your posts. i found them very helpful.

admin

July 15, 2013 at 7:26 pm

Do you have a specific question you want to ask me?

IB2012

July 13, 2013 at 5:01 pm

Chris,
I’ve really enjoyed your website! I do have a situation i could use some advice on…I have been in a relationship with a man for the past 15 months, and 7 weeks ago he broke it off. We have known each other for the past 15 years, and have had several attempts at relationship during that time, we always seem to be off on timing. I was married and was in the process of ending it when we decided to really give it a try, making my divorce final was put on the back burner when while i was pregnant (with his child), my best friend and god daughter were murdered. I was very depressed, and after having my daughter i told him i wanted to focus on her for a year. I just really didn’t want to go through a divorce right after having a baby, and losing my best friend. So a year came and went, when she turned 15 months I felt I was in a better place to take on the situation head on. He asked why it had taken me so long, and i told him i needed to focus on her, but i hadn’t told him that it was also because i needed to get past everything with my friend. He ended , saying he couldn’t trust me to be “all in” and he was afraid a situation like this would happen again. We had planned to be married next year. We have a child together, so i have to speak to him. He said i kept him waiting, and he was living a “half life”. We’ve talked sense and he says there is a chance, but he just really doesn’t know. He says he wants to be around more, and he still cares about me, but he just doesn’t know if he can see us together, again. We want the same things out of life, we had wonderful times together, and we have a beautiful daughter. I don’t understand how he’s just brushing me aside. I feel like any time I say something to him i sound cling, and i don’t want to push him away. Any advice would be great.

admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:56 am

I think you have a chance though, honestly
Ib2012

July 15, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Also I should mention that the other day we had a intimate encounter (not sex), a couple days after I voiced my frustration about our situation…he said he still didn’t know how he felt about us, but that he wanted to be around more. I haven’t heard from him since. What should I make of this? I’m hoping my chances aren’t ruined…
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:35 pm

Sounds like you should just give him some time to work through it. Rushing usually screws things up. Wanting results too fast is not a winning gameplan.
IB2012

July 15, 2013 at 10:09 am

Thank you. Any advice on how to remove that doubt? Do you think your blueprint would work for this situation?
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:34 pm

The blueprint I have here was meant to help women get their exes back. So, I think it won’t hurt you to try. However, I am not going to tell you that if you follow this you will get your ex back 100% of the time. Ultimately, it is out of your control and all you can do is improve your chances.

So, expect the best but prepare for the worst.
admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:56 am

Your situation is complicated.

I can give you some insight to how he felt though.

What happened to your friend and god daughter was horrible. I understand where you are coming from. However, he really loved you and by making him wait you casted doubt on the relationship with him. Doubt freaks a guy out. We aren’t equipped to handle emotions like you girls are so he bailed.

Chelsea

July 13, 2013 at 6:22 am

good day! i read most of your posts and found awesome advices that i could really use. if you could kindly look at my situation, so you could see better what i could do to get my ex back.

HE broke up with me on May 26, 2013. then we saw each other on June3 because of a friends birthday. after that, we never had contact. he never tried to contact me in any way. i tried ignoring him but slipped on June 11, i messaged him on facebook, he didnt reply. i was so close to finishing the NO-CONTACT rule, but i slipped again and sent him another message on July 3. during the time apart, he never tried to contact me, even for once. and i hear from somewhere that he likes this girl. and i can see it on facebook, they keep posting on each others wall, and it just breaks my heart. the reason he broke up with me, (the reason he told me, that is) was because he doesnt love me anymore. his feelings for me were gone. he just keeps on ignoring me.

i’d really appreciate it if you could give me some advice. i really want him back. i’ve never felt so happy in my life in my past relationships, everything just felt right with him. i felt safe and secure whenever im with him. like nothing could go wrong. i hope i still have a chance. Thank you so much for all your posts!

admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:47 am

Chelsea, I feel for you I really do.

I think your ex was being honest with you, to a certain extent. I think that deep down he will always love you. However, he has lost his feelings for you and every time you reach out to him he doesn’t want to pick up because he doesn’t want to lead you on.

What you need to do is find a way to capture his attention and reignite the spark.

Unfortunately, this site is still a work in progress and I haven’t properly researched what methods work for women when doing this. I am actually going to be writing an ebook on how to get your ex back and I am going to include a section where I talk about “reigniting that spark.” It may take a while but once I finish researching it, I can send you my research, free of charge so you can see it and hopefully figure out what you have to do.

I am a really busy man though Chelsea so you will have to remind me.
Chelsea

July 15, 2013 at 1:55 pm

thank you in advance! you’re really awesome.
i forgot to mention something though, before we broke up, he told me that he didnt want a girlfriend so soon. he wasnt planning on replacing me after the break up, but he’s getting really sweet with this girl. he gives her the time and effort he used to give me. do you think this changes anything? it’s really hurting my chance of getting him back, isnt it?
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:38 pm

Don’t believe a guy when he says that he isn’t looking for something new.

Look, I could have the best girlfriend in the world but get in a fight with her and breakup. The second another pretty girl walks by I will probably be interested in her. HOWEVER, that doesn’t mean that the new girl and I will be together and if we are, we are probably doomed b/c the relationship happened too soon before I could get over the previous one I was in.
chelsea

July 18, 2013 at 6:04 am

thanks for all the advice! you’re really awesome, doing this for free and helping a lot of people. thank you for the help. i really appreciate it!
chelsea

July 17, 2013 at 7:48 am

since i slipped on July 3, do you think is should start the No Contact rule again?
admin

July 17, 2013 at 7:11 pm

Yes I do.
Chelsea

July 17, 2013 at 4:06 am

what do you think i should do then? what’s the best way to get him back? he’s distant and ignores me completely. he asked our mutual friends to go at his place for a little catching up. he purposely didnt invite me. i only found out about it when one of our mutual friends asked me if i was going. she didnt know i wasnt invited. even if he asks me to come, do you think i should?
admin

July 17, 2013 at 6:50 am

I don’t think you should. I think you shouldn’t do something for him b/c he is being forced into asking you just to be nice or save face (he may not even invite you.)

Jinx

July 13, 2013 at 1:37 am

This is a novel, so I apologize in advance, but I definitely need some advice.

My long distance boyfriend of 9 months (but love interest of 5 years) broke it off with me almost 3 weeks ago. It all blew up over an argument about drug use (he’s addicted to prescription drugs, and yes, I know that’s bad, and yes, he needs to quit, but I know he wants to, and he’s tried. He is a good person.).

I was upset because after he had been clean, he relapsed and then ignored me all weekend. When I finally got ahold of him, he said, “You and I both know I’m not quitting drugs.” I told him how I felt, and he said, “Then we should just break up.”

I called him the next day when he was sober to make sure he wasn’t making a rash decision, and he said, “I get tired of being in relationships. It wasn’t what I expected. I can’t open up to people.” That makes me think he felt like he was in too deep and got cold feet (but what do I know?).

Anyway, we both said we’d never ignore each others’ calls, and I’ve had zero contact with him since then. I’ve been through every advice article I can find. We do have mutual friends that I can trust, and one of them said, “I know he still really cares about you.” I know that my ex’s past has been rough (he had his heart badly broken in a previous relationship, which caused him to go on a manwhore rampage for about a year before getting with me), and he’s had some family issues, especially with his dad, who did drugs.

My concern is that these steps might not work because he was long distance, and we rarely saw each other. I’m also scared that he will go back on a manwhore spree and numb himself with drugs to the point he’ll forget about me (a close friend said she knows he gets incredibly depressed about break ups).

I guess my questions are 1) does it sound like cold feet/something else, and 2) where do I go from here? I am doing self-improvement, and I’m posting happy/friend pictures on Facebook, but I’m not posting too often (I want him to feel my absence). I’m thinking about shooting him a casual text on his birthday (which will be one month and one week after the break up), with an open invitation to call if he has the time.

I appreciate your advice!

admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:27 am

It seems to me that the major problems are his drug use.

With someone like that, if they are using drugs it can kind of numb their senses and they don’t think straight.

I am just going to be honest with you. I don’t think there is anything you can do other than wait and let him work out whatever it is his problems are on his own. I mean, the long distance thing really hurts you a lot. You could send texts to dominate the conversation by ending it first and making him want it more but long distance makes things really complicated.

My advice would be to just wait and let him sort through this thing on his own.
Jinx

July 13, 2013 at 2:34 am

I agree with you (thank you for the speedy response). We were really close in high school, and when we finally ended up getting together, we took things slowly and carefully, including intimacy. He has expressed his desire to quit drugs and change, and I know he wants to, but I think he’s afraid of what’s out there after the drugs are gone.

Like I said, I have no doubt in my mind that he cares about me, and he really is a fantastic person. I guess I just wonder if there’s anyway I can make it known that I’m there for him without just telling him, because I know he needs his time and space and to work things out.
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:45 am

Interesting question…. Let me think on this for a bit…

I think that after NC (hopefully you do it) you can include that you are there for him in a clever text.
Jinx

July 13, 2013 at 10:50 am

Sounds good. Thank you so much! This entire site is brilliant, and I think I speak on behalf of all the patrons of this site when I say we really appreciate what you’re doing.
Jinx

July 13, 2013 at 1:52 am

PS – I should also add that HE had just brought up the possibility of living together.

Also, when I called him the day after the break up, he was on the borderline of telling me something he never says to anyone (He said “I have issues I have to work out, but you won’t want to hear them.” I said, “Well you’re pushing me away, what’s the harm in telling me?” He replied, “I guess there is no harm… but I’m not going to. I don’t open up to people.”) Mind you, the week before this, everything was 100% fine, we were romantic with each other, and he stopped using drugs. Our split only happened the following weekend, with his relapse.

Laura

July 12, 2013 at 11:08 pm

Hi Chris.

Thanks so much for your site!

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible…

My boyfriend of about a year and three or four months and I broke up about seven weeks ago. It was technically a mutual breakup – one of those “we don’t know what else to do” sorts of situations, and a very painful one for both of us…lots of crying and drama on both ends the night of the actual breakup. My ex would later articulate the reason for the breakup as “fundamental incompatibilities.”

We’d been in couples counseling for a couple of months prior to the breakup, prompted by the fact that I wanted to start moving forward in the relationship/living together and he was having a tough time wrapping his head around that…not to mention that he didn’t feel that I accepted him entirely for who he was, annoying quirks and all (we all have them!), which is probably true on some level. Not only did he agree to see a therapist, but he found one for us.

Anyway…a day or two after the breakup, I freaked out and went into begging/we can fix this mode via email and text (I know…bad). My ex responded to my pleas – probably because he didn’t want to ignore me and hurt my feelings…he can’t stand it when he thinks people are mad at him…(also because I can be rather insistent when I want to be) – and was willing to talk, but totally stonewalled the possibility of reconciliation so as to “avoid any further pain and confusion.” We did meet up and talk in person, but it was more of a “debrief” than anything else, was difficult for both of us, and did not result in talk of reconciliation (because he made me promise I wouldn’t go there as a condition of meeting up).

Fast forward a few weeks: I emailed him to explain that I was unfriending him on Facebook for a while, not because I hated him but because it was tough to see his face pop up every time I logged in. He responded and said thanks, that he really appreciated the heads up.

Less than a week after that, I ran into him (literally) at a farmers market. I wouldn’t have seen him – my head was down and I had a hat on, trying to get through the crowd – except that he stopped in front of me and said “hi.” I was so shocked – and was already feeling a little angry that day – that I did not behave very gracefully. It was awkward for both of us – all he could manage to say was “It’s nice to see you.” – twice. And all I could manage was anger and unfriendliness. I later apologized for my behavior via text, explaining that I was having a hard time with everything, that I had good days and bad days and he caught me on a bad day and could we meet up for a few minutes later so I could “redeem myself” (pathetic, I know). He responded, saying “I totally understand where you’re at…no need to apologize.”; but that he thought meeting up was a bad idea, that our encounter had been “confusing” for him, and that he didn’t want to “linger in that awkward place.”

That was about two weeks ago. We’ve had no contact since then. I’m not even sure what I want right now; but if I was to decide I wanted to try to get back together with him, what do you think my chances are?

It’s a tough one because I’m not sure if his inability to move forward in our relationship is mostly him – he’s 42 and has never lived with anyone or been married, and doesn’t want to get married actually – or mostly because of me and whatever crap I brought to the relationship. We were pretty happy up until the last few months, but I did discover in the course of therapy that my ex had trouble communicating about his needs and emotions and that there were some things about the relationship that maybe weren’t working for him as well as I thought.

So, there you are. Your thoughts are most appreciated. 🙂

-L

admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:31 am

You sound mature, I really like talking to people who are articulate.

I have a question for you though. Now, before I ask you I want to tell you that for me, it’s not just about helping you get your ex boyfriend back, it’s about helping you have a happier life when it comes to relationships.

Would you like to get married in the future? Is that a big goal for you?
Laura

July 13, 2013 at 3:42 am

Oh, and just to clarify…since I’m not sure I fully completed that last thought: Marriage would be cool, but the relationship itself is my primary interest, if that makes sense. And I don’t want kids, so… (neither does my ex). Living together, however, is a must.
Laura

July 13, 2013 at 3:39 am

I am indeed articulate. Thanks. 🙂

Good question. I’m more interested in a loving and committed relationship than I am in marriage (although I won’t lie…a ring would be nice). 😉 The bottom line for me is being with someone who adores me (my ex did), someone thoughtful (he is), and someone who wants to build a life and a partnership with me (I think he might if we could resolve some fundamental communication issues, which we were working on in therapy but didn’t make much progress on because he had trouble communicating about emotional issues OUTSIDE of therapy…and I’m pretty intense, which made him feel less than safe talking to me about stuff I think…it’s something I’m actively working on now on my own, the intensity thing I mean).

I don’t know…having a tough time sorting through the right path on this one. Appreciate your help.
admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:41 am

I love articulate people!

So, you would be able to live with someone for the rest of your life, without the ring, if they are loving and committed to you?

Hahaha, you are like the perfect woman! No I am just kidding.
Laura

July 15, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Yes, I think I would be able to do that. It’s more about building a life than about marriage for me, if that makes sense.

So what do you think? Worth another shot with my ex?
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:39 pm

I think at this point you have absolutely nothing to lose so it’s worth a shot yes!

R

July 12, 2013 at 11:08 pm

I am trying to minimize the comment! for I really want your reply.

Well, This is pretty amazing and so useful. I think I will kick a start of my 30 days from today. I just want to explain something, I wish you could help me with that awful situation. so around 9 months ago I met someone at work and we had an immediate attraction and powerful chemistry together. we were laughing almost all the time, flirting and having eye contact. it all started as friendship but we couldn’t help but fall in love with each others. after awhile, things changed and he left to another company. we stayed in contact.

However I always felt like he is always trying his best and much more to control his feelings. After sometime he acknowledged and confessed that he really loves me. So, I asked him what is keeping him sometimes away from me and what is he hiding from me. He said he has someone in his life! yes. a GF. I suggested that I let go but he didn’t agree . he said that he was afraid I decide to do let him go if he told me, He also said he tried his best to not fall in love with me but he couldn’t. he suggested that we could be really good friends. At the beginning I refused but he convinced me. We tried being friends many times but always failed. And whenever I let go of him he always comes back to me missing me so much. we never had sex together or anything beyond casual dates, fun conversation, laughter and romance of course. we kissed and hugged that’s all. Once we stayed away from each other for a month or two and he sent me on FB wondering if he is going for the right choice by letting me go and he said that he still misses me so much, that he can’t live without me around. He again asked to be friends. He also told me that he told her about me ! ….. he then stopped communicating me. so did I

Then, I really got busy at work like days just pass by. I remember him with good but I almost forgot about that we could be together. But I never forget about him or how we feel together, because simply getting around him makes my heart warm. You can say I accepted that fact that we might have met in the wrong time. I even didn’t call him in his Birthday. after a couple of months which is roughly 15 to 20 days ago. I found him sent me on fb commenting on my profile picture complimenting me. I just said thanks and was polite I still respect him you know and I also think she might be lucky to have him. he kept opening conversations like asking about my life , work and stuff like that. Suddenly he said that he misses me way too much. OH GOD I missed him so much! he was like he kept all romance on earth for me that night. for the first time he says that he is 200% sure he is in love with me. first time he says that he sees me as his future wife, he says that he wants me to be a mother of his children.. we had a very beautiful conversation and we agreed to meet up. when we hung up, he sent me that he can’t wait to see me. the next day I was waiting for him he never show up, so I had a crazy idea, I surprised him when he saw me waiting in the reception of the company seeing each others after almost 9 months he had a very wide smile on his face and he was so grateful and surprised I did that. we went at a cafe together. I asked him why is he doing that to us. said he has someone else in his life!!! said they agreed on marriage and they have been together for some quite long time. well, I cried and I found myself being in his embrace. he kissed my head and apologized. he kissed my hand. Eventually, I didn’t want to ruin our date together after along time. we had a lot of fun together. I told him that this will be the last time we would see each others, he disagreed with me but only WORDS. he kissed me in the street as we were talking all of a sudden haha. crazy !! ain’t we? he didn’t even want me to go home. I have been always spending my best moments with him and that specific day was the happiest day of my life. Guess what ! he didn’t make any contact! I removed him from my FB ! so he texted me that he only saw happiness whenever he would see me and he asked me not to forget about him. we exchanged some text messages and eventually he sent me he can;t do it and he can;t be away from me and he never imagined anyone but me as his life companion. he even said he can’t wait to have me as his woman. he insisted to call me, when I refused he said he will keep phoning until I pick up, so I did. we talked for almost 5 hours !!! and he turned so cold the other day. I called him at 4am. he woke up I told him how much he means to me and how much am trying to let him go but I can’t . he said he is exactly the same and that he doesn’t know what to d o. he wished he would have meet me long ago and that he can;t hurt the other girl. I asked him if he loves both of us ! he said he doesn’t love anyone like he loves me! then he said that I do not deserve this and he said leave me alone. HE NEVER SAID THAT EVER. I told him that I promise him I will do it for all of us. I asked him if eh has anything to say to me. he said NO GOODBYE. i sighed a long one, and said neither do I and hung up. I found that he sent me after we hung up a text says that he hates me and asking me to leave him alone and he is not happy when I am around. Now we are separated. I DIE TO HAVE HIM JUST SAY MY NAME. he is going to marry her ! how could he marry someone just because he feels sorry for her. !!! will he ever come back to me ! I do not want to hurt the other girl!!! but I know that he wants me. help me.

admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:38 am

I am not sure that this guy you should be trying to get back. I mean he is engaged and is a total player. You deserve better.
R

July 13, 2013 at 3:37 am

Thank you 🙂

Jenna

July 12, 2013 at 6:50 pm

So it’s Been over a week since my ex and I had any form of communication, it’s been 2 weeks since I last saw him in person and it’s been almost a moth since he broke up with me. Should I be worried he isn’t trying at all to contac me after a week and a little already? It’s killing me not to talk to him and I don’t know how guys think after a break up and if it’s easy or if he’s moved on? I know he’s been out with his friends who like to go out so I’m worried he’s rebounded already but I hope not. Do I still continue the 30 day no contact? We have mutual friends also. Is there a good chance he will try to contact me soon? Or within the 30 days?

admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:41 pm

Definitely keep doing what you are doing. By contacting him now it may come off as a little desperate and he will feel like he has control over you.
Jenna

July 12, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Okay I will definitely continue the 30 day NC. Meanwhile may I ask from a males perspective, is it driving him nuts that I am also not making an effort for contact or his he just enjoying the single life?
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:21 am

Hard to say, Hmm….

If the relationship was good for both parties and you had a few difference then I say it could be making him crazy. However, if he felt that you were the cause of all his problems then he will enjoy his single life for a while. However, usually there is a point for all guys where they begin to regret their decisions when it comes to past relationships.

Katie

July 12, 2013 at 5:05 pm

My ex boyfriend and I have been together for a while now. Tomorrow we will be broke up for three weeks. It happened because he invited me to a party on Friday and when I asked if we could go then leave early and spend time alone he got angry, yelled and hung up on me. The next day (Saturday) afternoon he called and dumped me. He was crying and was saying we didn’t agree on our social views (we disagreed on parties and what activities we did on the weekends mostly) and that we needed a break. After the breakup, he unfollowed me on Twitter (neither of us have FB) but I am still following him. And a few days after our breakup I texted him and he didn’t respond and that is the last either of us have tried to have any contact. (he has not contacted me in any way). A week from now my thirty days will be up since our breakup and a week and a half from now it will be 30 days since I contacted him. Considering I just now read this article and am just getting help with the situation from you, I just don’t feel confident or ready enough to contact him again next week. Should I wait another month and then see if I feel confident enough to contact him. And in the mean time I can apply the NC rule (inculding unfollowing him via twitter) and start improving myself with my appearance, friends, and hobbies?

admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:40 pm

ABSOLUTELY! sounds like you have a great plan!

Pixy

July 12, 2013 at 2:18 pm

Hello Chris Seiter

Thank you for this useful and practical article! If you wouldn’t mind, I want to ask something that I’m afraid right now about a man’s mind.

On the break up day, we had a huge fight about the night job I wanted to do and he left. The next day I apologized him and told him I wouldn’t do the job but he wouldn’t come back that he even called my friend and told them that he wouldn’t get back with me for sure. 2 days later, I really wanted to see him so I returned his things and gave him an emotional letter about how sorry I was but I didn’t beg him to come back. It’s been a week from that day and I just realized from reading your article that I shouldn’t meet him that day because it made me look desperate.

He tried to break up with me a few times before we really broke up. He thinks I am polar opposite so we can’t get along because no matter how he tries to fix the problem, another problem will appear and he can’t see how can we live peacefully. He thinks I am needy and pushy so he is under pressure. He is decisive and I’m just wondering if I can change his mind. I’m so afraid I couldn’t because he called my friend once in the week we didn’t talk and ask her how I was doing. My friend said I had a new job (not a night job of course). He saw that I changed but stilled told my friend that he wouldn’t come back to me. Is there any sign or chance that he will get back? Because now I see nothing…

Thank you in advance!!

admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:36 pm

I think there is a chance BUT it may take a while. I think there is a bigger problem going on than this night job thing. There might be some truth in the fact that he thinks your polar opposites but I think it’s something more. Think really hard at why he broke up with you really.
Pixy

July 13, 2013 at 12:52 am

Oh my… I didn’t know before that it would be another reason. So I think it’s because he thinks that I’m needy and pushy. 2 months ago he became busy all of the sudden and I don’t get used to it at all. We fought every week about this. I want more time from him. Another reason is I think he’s childish sometimes. I really don’t like when he says something childish and then a fight starts. He might think that I am insecure and annoying. Are these likely to be a real reason?
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:22 am

Haha all of them together could be a reason.
Pixy

July 15, 2013 at 6:36 am

Ok ^^ So the story is 2 months ago my ex became busy all of a sudden so I unintentionally became pushy and needy. I wanted more time from him and didn’t feel his ambitious much enough to make time for me. I wanted him to be romantic sometimes but he isn’t that type of guy. We fought every week and he tried to break up with me a few times. On the break up day we had a huge fight and when I apologized he said he wouldn’t get back with me again. I haven’t contacted him for 8 days. 5 days ago he called my friend and asked how I was doing but he still told my friend that he wouldn’t come back. You said it will take some time so I wonder how a man feel about this situation. Why is it so hard to forgive me?

Thank you 🙂
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:31 pm

I am the type of guy that despises it when a girl tries to control me. In fact, it is a total turnoff. I am very good about making time for my girlfriends. However, they hurt the relationship the minute they try to control me. He may have felt you tried to control him and that is why he has trouble forgiving. Just give him some more time. This isn’t going to happen in a day.
Pixy

July 13, 2013 at 8:34 am

So if that’s all the reason, is it hard for him to get back? I mean if you were my ex, how would you feel about this?
admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:31 am

Pixy I am really sorry I can’t find your story to reference again so I can answer your comment. Could you give me the highlights?
Pixy

July 13, 2013 at 12:57 am

Oh and if I got only a few chance just tell me frankly. 🙂
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:23 am

I tend not to think of it like that. I like to say. You should do everything you can and if it doesn’t work out after youve tried everything then you can move on.

Teh

July 12, 2013 at 9:53 am

Hi, i chanced upon your website and i thought it will be good. My boyfriend have broke off with me recently ago. He always didn’t use the word “Break off” instead of “i need space, i just want to be alone.” We didn’t contact each otherfor 2 weeks but when i found out he went oversea with his friends and i got pissed and talked to him for a day and stopped again. Today is the 5th day we didn’t talk and he have been liking my photos ever since we talked. but he hasn’t make any move yet other than that. I don’t know if he still love me? Pls advice what to do. thanks! 🙂

admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:24 pm

Keep doing No Contact! Around day 30 send him a text like the ones described on this page and go from there.

Thats all I can come up with for you right now.
Teh

July 15, 2013 at 4:19 am

Hi Admin, I broke the no contact rules last night! But our messages ended up good. Should i continue with the no contact rules again or just let nature flows?

Thanks for your help! 😀
admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:36 am

Hmmm….

I would implement a little NC of about 4-6 days before you reach out again. Give him some time to miss you!
Teh

July 12, 2013 at 9:57 am

I forget to add on, i was the one who didnt reply his last message.

Noelle

July 12, 2013 at 3:45 am

Hi,

I read your whole website. A lot of people post their struggles and hardships that I wanted to see if someone could help me.
I broke up with my ex about a month and a week ago. We were going out for 4 months before hand. We are both college students had great chemistry, same major, shared same dreams, we were perfect for each. However, School and my work routine got more intense and I was not able to spend time with him. I had my slips and falls and was not attentive of him like I should have. He started treating me indifferent and a lot of little things about me bothered him. I woke up every day hoping things would be different, I tried my hardest but it seems he didn’t care about me anymore. Two weeks after school ended he broke up with me saying that he always found little things that made him frustrated with me and he didn’t know why and that he didn’t love me. Even though we never got to the stage we said it to each other. I acknowledge what he said and didn’t say anything back. However a day later I wrote him something expressing how I felt that I was sorry and was willing to work hard because I cared about him. He however answered that he didn’t think we should give it another shot. After that I had no contact with him for almost a full month until he messaged me back offering to fix my computer. It was very brief. The second day we messaged each other again and we talked for a very long time. He asked me about what I have been doing, how I have been, and he shared what he has done as well. Now its been two weeks from that time and we have been talking non stops, morning and night. Sharing what we do in the day, how we are feeling and our daily lives. Yesterday he messaged me this “gotta say. I’ve never talked to an ex this much. It’s weird how much more you can talk about than with other friends ha” and i answered “yeah”. I dont know what to do. I care about this guy and we still had so much to share that I want a second chance. I really would appreciate your help. I dont know what to do. Where to go. What stage I am at.

Thank you for reading this and for your help!

admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:16 pm

Noelle,

Honestly, I would work on pushing his emotional hot buttons. Talk about things and experiences that meant a lot to both of you together. Once youve talked about them try to weasel your way into a date where hopefully you can recapture some of the romance that led you two to fall in love.
Noelle

July 12, 2013 at 8:00 pm

Thank you. My concern now is that last night we were talking and our conversation reached a point of turning into something like a booty call. After realizing where things have ended to, he was very blunt and said that we shouldn’t be doing this. That we are not together anymore and that we should not be talking about this stuff. He also said that he does not want to “use” me. That its not fair to me and that when he is acting that way to say No to him. But that he is “down to talk all day” if I am and he said he was sorry about not saying something sooner. I don’t know if this changes anything? If I should change my tactic? How do I know when I should talk to weasel in a date?

Thank you!
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:18 am

Well, if you were entering booty call territory or just mentioning sex in general and he reacted that way then that means it was too early to talk about something like that. You may need to let some more time go by and once you feel things are ok between the two of you, you can go out on dates.
Noelle

July 13, 2013 at 3:05 am

Therefore, just keep reminding him of the good times then proceed slowly in the rest. How much time do I let go by? I actually reminded him of a good moment we had and he responded positively, I don’t know if I am doing it correctly and how often am I suppose to do it as well.
I messaged him “Cooking these ribs remind me of the time we got our chef on and made baked ziti and pizza haha and how you would dominate the kitchen like it was your second home :P” and he responded with “hahaha cooking is fun”

Thank you for all your guidance.
admin

July 13, 2013 at 3:32 am

Pretty much you have the right idea. Let a few days go by before you respond again. Also, try out some of the other texts on this page.

Lola

July 11, 2013 at 11:23 pm

What if we broke up and he started dating his ex???

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:27 am

Well, then that really sucks but I wrote a page about how to deal with that:

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/has-he-moved-on-how-to-get-him-back-if-he-has-a-girlfriend/

Sara Mae

July 11, 2013 at 9:00 pm

I originally left a post on the 8th….. And stopped contacting him unless it was about our daughter. It’s been three days, I’m telling you NC works. This morning at 7am I received a text from him that said “do not respond to this, but I miss you”. Holding strong, and I have been running and eating healthier. The next time he sees me I am going to look amazing. Hold on with the the NC ladies, it’s one of the hardest things, but after three days I already had him admitting that he misses me! …. Keeping busy!!

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:27 am

Sara Mae, I could hug you right now! This made my day!

Maria

July 11, 2013 at 6:48 pm

Hi,

Me and my ex actually broke off about 2 months ago. He said that he still wanted to be friends. I managed to pick myself up quite well, but we still text each other every day.

One month later, we met up, this led to that and we ended up in bed together. The next day, he text me saying that things in his life were complicated, but he still wanted to be friends. I explained to him that I wanted a relationship and not games.

We spent another whole month of texting each other every day, and him giving me signs that we could get back together. Signs included him asking me out to the cinema, suggesting we go on holiday together in the future, insisting to help me move flat and bringing me a housewarming present. The last time we saw each other, I kissed him. I later text him to say that I miss our times together, only to get another text saying how life was complicated for him right now and that he could only offer me friendship.

I couldn’t handle it anymore, so said that I respected his decision, but could not be friends as I was in love with him. He replied saying that he appreciated my honesty and that he would miss me. I proceeded by telling him that he was making a mistake and that hopefully he would see my value at a later stage.

After a week of no contact, he messaged me saying how he was sorry that I did not want to be his friend. I replied two days later saying that i had been very clear with what i wanted, a relationship and not games, and that if this was too complex for his lifestyle then it would be better that we both move on.

Two weeks have gone by and I have heard nothing. I am going crazy with anxiety, wondering what he is doing and whether he is thinking about me. I am worried that no contact will just make him think that I don’t care and that he will move on…

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:26 am

Maria, you want him angry. You want him worried and I think he demonstrated that by texting you after one week.

After your 30 days are up you can contact him again and try to get him back. I think you are doing great so far.
Maria

July 12, 2013 at 6:08 pm

He had some important news coming up yesterday, which I genuinely wanted to know the result of, so i text him to ask how everything had gone. i also said that i hoped he understood my decision not to be friends and that i had never met anyone who made me so happy.

I got a very cold, one sentenced reply, letting me know his news, to which i responded by saying that i was very happy for him.

I sense that he is angry at me. Angry that he had been so kind to me as a friend and i had kicked him out.
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:28 pm

Well, anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing. At his core it means he cares and has feelings for you. Just give him so more time.

Meredith

July 11, 2013 at 9:59 am

Hi there. Here’s my situation. I’m 43 he is 42. We’ve been dated on and off for the past year. This last “off” happened when I took a job out of town. We attempted to keep the relationship going (I went to see him, he came up to see me) as distance wise is was only 2 hrs away.Unfortunately it didn’t last long and I could sense he was seeing someone else. He ended it with me 2 days after I found out I was pregnant. On the day he texted (yes, texted) that he wanted to be single for a while) I miscarried. I didn’t tell him right away because I didn’t want him to think it was a ploy to hold on to him. We didn’t speak for 34 days. He wished me a happy birthday via facebook. I thanked him via facebook. A week later he had another girlfirend. He emailed me two weeks after that and said he missed me but me by being in another city was hard for our relationship. Every few weeks it seems he’ll text me or i’ll text him. We were both at a friends party (out of state) a few weeks ago (without the new girlfriend) and had a great time. He said he really missed me and wasn’t happy. We said we’ll talk later. Since we’ve been back, we haven’t talked. He did send a text on the 4th of July but nothing since. Do I make the next effort of communicating or do I allow more time? I’m also moving back to the area in 2 weeks too. I miss him terribly but don’t want to jinx/rush anything. What is my next step?

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:22 am

I think you are in a good position. However, don’t get fooled into the friends with benefits thing.

I say that you wait a few more days before you reach out.

T

July 11, 2013 at 9:42 am

Hi, I recently broke uo with bf 1 week ago and i miss him so much, he said he just doesnt have feelings for on anymore but the day we broke up , he kissed me. And i think he is leaving me cause he thinks i have high requirement and that he doesn’t deserve me.
He is very good at controlling his emotions and just for me he will not get back with me cause he think i can do better. But he doesn’t seem to understand that i love him only.
Cause he thinks too much the feeling for me went away and i want them back. I want him to miss me like he used to. Anyway Help?!!! before its too late

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:17 am

What’s up! T? Funny name but I can roll with it.

Whatever you do, DO NOT blow up his phone with text messages begging to come back. Usually that doesn’t end well. If you want to make him miss you then you can check out this page: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-make-him-miss-you-after-a-breakup/

For now though I’d start by doing the no contact rule.

Mariebug

July 11, 2013 at 5:45 am

I jumped into a relationship with a guy who was ten years old then me. We got engaged a month later and tried to have a baby. We had a lot of ups and downs in the relaitonship because he lived 45 miles away and that i could not drive. My parents and I did not get along and they did not like him. We were together for 7 months and lived together. He told me that he wants me to finish college, get my license and a job before we can continue the relationship because he doesnot wnant me to stay wth him and lose the oppoerunity to have a great college life. I love him so much and i want to be with him. I have explanined it to him and that i wont contanct him until i graduate is that a good idea. and also what should i do i am crying all the time

admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:11 am

For some reason I am not sure I buy his reasoning for breaking the relationship off. Do you think he is being honest about the “I want you to have the college experience” reason?

Victorina

July 11, 2013 at 2:25 am

Hi, i just recently “broke off” with my boyfriend. I am currently trying the no contact rules and today is the 4th day. I tried not talking to him for 2 weeks before but i was so angry and upset when i saw his facebook and i eventually questioned him which is a big mistake! Will no contact rules really works? Because he seems to be falling for some other girl (he started posting songs about making someone his).

admin

July 11, 2013 at 2:32 am

The no contact rule is not guaranteed. No one can guarantee youll get your ex back but it will raise your chances. Thats all I can tell you.

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