The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Zam

July 11, 2013 at 1:43 am

Hi! I want to share my situation and can you give me some advice? can I use 30 days no contact in my situation? well here it goes… We’ve been together for almost 5 years. We broke up 5 months ago because of another girl. Eventually, their relationship lasted only for a month because the girl broke up with him and every time he needs someone to talk to, he always call me. I listen to him even if it hurts.

It’s been a week since we’ve talked, he calls me everyday but i’m not answering his call.

admin

July 11, 2013 at 2:29 am

Yes, your situation is perfect for the no contact rule.
Zam

July 11, 2013 at 3:33 am

ok thank you.

lisa

July 11, 2013 at 12:10 am

Hi,im glad to found your website. Im suffering heartache, stress, liss appetite and sleepless night. Me and my boyfriend together for almost 2years.We broke up for the 3rd times.We broke up right after an arguements and for this 3rd times broke up, as usual I wasthe one ended it 1st but after few days, I found it I still love him as we think future together, I wanted to continue this relationship until marriage stage. However, he refuse to continue it as he said this rrelationship cant last long because i didnt kept promise to chsnge my attitude and asked me go to find the guy tht I mentioned (I did lied him about a guy kept chasing me from the beginning we started dating till we broken up, this is because I wanted him to jealous and come back to me). I think I used a wrong way to get him back, and that was the last message (end of June)he replied to me. I was so depressed as last Tues (2july), I was incurred in car accident, I texted him informed whats my condition and he never respond at all. I was so down because I feel hopeless. After I message on 3rd July, I tried to apply the 30 days no contact rules. I knew his attitude(ego), I felt that even I applied this no contact rules, he wont come back to me as the 2 previous broke up, I was the one win him back(he never respond any of my msg /calls) so, I went to his house and waited for few hours and hold him bck to my side.(for the previous 2 broke up) He told me, if I didnt win him back, he wont take the step to win me bck as he thinks , i was the one started an argument with him. May I know I still can win him back or there is no hope at all? I applied the 30days no contact rules since 4thJuly, he is now travelling for a week with his family. Do I need to add in another week to the 30days as he is on vacation for tht 7days? I hope to hear from you soon. Million thanks.

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:36 am

Nah, you don’t need to add an extra week.
lisa

July 12, 2013 at 7:54 am

Thanks for your prompt replied. How to know whether he is dating someone? I thinkhe got other gf but im not sure whether my instict accurate or not because previously when we still dating, he very angry if I check his hp, he thn locked his hp. I thn cant check his hp anymore. And he never put his hp on ringtone, he will just put silent. I ever called him last time, he picked up my phone and refused to talk as he said he was with his colleagues so he not convenient to answer me. I was very angry that time, but i choosed to believed what he said.What should I do, if this really happened now, he with the girl. Please help.
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Well, if he has a new girl the only play you can really work on is giving him time to sort things out himself. I know it sucks to hear but usually it won’t go well if you go in guns a blazing to try to break up him and his new girl.

Maria

July 10, 2013 at 6:41 pm

Ugh. So I’m going to start off with today being my birthday and I’m miserable. I say this because recently my bf and I broke up of almost 2 years before both our anniversary and today. I miss him like hell and I know he misses me too, but we ultimately want different things. I want to marry him down the road, where he doesn’t really see that. Part of it being because I have jealousy issues, even though I do trust him and know he wouldn’t be unfaithful to me or anything like that, as I with him. Today we talked a LOT and it was full of mixed emotions and it just hurt. On my birthday no less. I really see him as the one despite whatever issues we had. We used to fight a lot but we were working on our communication a lot more and were getting better at it. I am just such a mess over all of this and it physically hurts. And I know he isn’t happy with this at all either. I know we need to give each other space but he feels so terrible about the timing he broke it off and how he feels and how he’s confused about us, etc. I don’t have the urge or motivation to do anything except lay in bed and cry. I’m really terrified of losing him, that’s why I’m scared of “cutting ties” and doing the no contact thing for a whole month. I know he loves me and really does care for me but I’m terrified of losing him for good, especially with the no contact. I know I have a lot of things of my own (i.e. my jealousy issues) that I meed to work on, and he does too. Even though we definitely had our arguments, we definitely had a lot of great times together too. I feel really hurt and abandoned even though I know he’s still here for me. I’m really terrified of giving him space, even though that’s part of why we aren’t together anymore. I don’t feel like I have anything to distract me (was laid off and looking for new work and have no desire to go out with my friends just to end up making them miserable because of how I feel) to help. I want him back terribly, and I want him to envision us having a life together forever again. I’m very, VERY scared.

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:33 am

Well, if you know for a fact he needs space then I can’t understand why you wouldn’t do it.
Maria

July 11, 2013 at 8:08 am

Because it’s so difficult not being part of someone’s life that you’ve been with for 2 years. Your first love and your best friend. The timing just makes things that much harder for me. Not seeing him or talking to him is SO painful.. As much as I know we shouldn’t talk right now and give each other space, it’s so difficult bringing myself to do it..
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:10 am

Something tells me that you begging to get him back won’t end well for you. But hey, I am just a guy with a site hahaha.
Maria

July 12, 2013 at 6:12 pm

I kinda broke the rule today.. Only 2 days in.. Ugh he saw I made a bit of a joke about my car breaking down in the pharmacy drive thru (which was so embarrassing) and kept asking if I was ok and needed help.. Also called me.. After a while of not answering he said “I understand. Well get home safely” and I broke down crying waiting for towing. I answered maybe an hour later saying I’m okay and thanks for his concern and he said no problem.. I know I shouldn’t have answered.. Probably not even posted anything about it on fb.. I just got really upset over everything (my mom got pissed I left my wallet home when I only planned being gone for 5 minutes and she threw my wallet at me when she got to me and started yelling but tuned her out from my crying..) ugh didn’t want to have to start all over again.. Just hate not answering when I know he does still love me and care about me.. So frustrating
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:39 pm

Well you may have to start over but its good that he reached out to you!
Maria

July 12, 2013 at 9:40 am

I know.. I know it sounds pathetic but it really is hard for me.. I have some attachment issues I need to work on.. Just this whole thing is extremely hard to stomach and process cause as hopeful as I’m trying to be about us getting back together, I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking or do on those 30 days.. 29 now.. I’m just really scared :'(
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:18 pm

Ahhh but don’t you think hes wondering what you are doing during these 30 days or 29 days?
Maria

July 10, 2013 at 7:27 pm

Also, one of his friends girlfriend’s birthday is in 2 weeks and she invited me to go with everyone but didn’t invite him (she knows what’s going on with us) and I feel guilty, especially since he’s been friends with them longer.. She invited our whole crew except him and I feel really guilty about it even though she said she wants me there, not him. But I can almost guarantee that her bf will tell him about it and come and whatever. My “ex” (ugh I can’t stomach calling him that) bought me a gift for my birthday (I know it’s a photo album he made but won’t admit it) and I want to see it but I know all emotions will flood like tidal waves and hit us both hard. It’s been a week since I’ve seen him but I’m so miserable. Clearly we talked today as mentioned.. Ugh idk what to do I want to see the album even though I know it will really hurt me.. Asdfghjkl idk what to do! This timing SUCKS and it’s painful for us both.. I don’t know how to handle ANY of this without being fearful and sobbing
Miranda

July 15, 2013 at 12:34 am

Aw Maria. You sound like me. I understand you. Going thru the same. Listen, I could not get myself a day without no texting him or calling. I truly thought I was going to be majorly depressed. Well, he a week in ( so hard) he called but said was butt dial. We talked either way and he seemed so eager to just talk. I decided to follow the 30 day rule after that! But he texted me out of nowhere on July 4, saying happy 4th, hope are doing well. I could not sleep that night or night after . I hesitated a lot but I knew he still cares about me and has feelings, so I felt so bad not responding. I sent a text the next day in the morning saying.thsnks, I’m good… I did you engage him in a conversation as you can see and he never texted back. I know he’s a bit just a bit upset I didn’t say hope u are well too or how you doing, etc. but it’s minor he ll get over it. So it’s been exactly 10 days with the actual no contact rule. Wow! I’m here writing because it helps me focus. I miss him so much and you have no idea just a simply call will make me so happy to know how he’s doing. Girl, I forced myself to speed dating events, casual dates with old friends, going out a lot( breaking my bank), i even planned a trip to Europe. I look forward to that ! But instill think and want him. I gotta say doing the above things help! Keep up the good work!!. Think each day you don’t talk to him, it’s a day that can bring you possibilities to b closer to him again! That’s one thing that got me thru. Goo luck girl! Trust me he’s going nuts but living his normal day to day life. You must be strong!… I will let you know how it works out for me either way. Write on my comment if you need support from another girl. I could also use it.We have to do this! Luckies..
admin

July 15, 2013 at 11:19 pm

Thanks for commenting Miranda! I really appreciate it.
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:35 am

Fortune favors the brave! Try doing NC you may be surprised!

E

July 10, 2013 at 1:42 pm

My boyfriend of over two years and I recently broke up. We had been arguing a lot and he said he just didn’t feel the same way he used to feel about me. When I asked if he was in love with me, he said “not right now.” He also said he used to think I was the one, he just isn’t sure anymore. He is an incredibly busy person–this was especially the case over the last several months–and as a result, I became a needy girlfriend to get his time and attention. In retrospect, I know where I fell short. When we broke up, I contacted him a few times over the course of a month and he always answered, but I regrettably always wanted to talk about “us” and the past, not moving forward, although he knows I wanted us to work on our relationship and move forward. He revealed he had to “risk losing you (me) to better us” which sent my head spinning. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said risk losing me forever or to someone else in order to improve us as individuals, especially if we ever did get back together. I should mention that during that time, roughly a month, he didn’t reach out to me once. I did all of the contacting. A few weeks ago, we agreed to meet up in 3 weeks because of our schedules (we wanted to hang out on a weekend). I couldn’t believe he made me wait so long to meet up, but I wanted to see him so I agreed that the time. I also knew that the time/space was probably the best thing. Thing is, a week before we were scheduled to meet, I ran into him out… he was with a girl. They honestly looked like two friends hanging out, but it really rubbed me the wrong way. I went up to him and said hi, and asked if we could talk… he said “not right now…” I got upset because I felt like this girl he was with was stopping him from walking away with me for a few seconds to chat. As I was leaving, I saw him walk towards me (I thought he came to look for me, but he was also leaving himself… and eventually with her) and went up to him and asked if he was with her and he replied “Yea, I am.” I was shocked and disgusted… still am. I asked if he would talk to me and he again said “not right now” and got really upset at me. The girl strangely stood with my friends as he and I briefly chatted and was talking to them and asked if we were together and who I was. When I went up to my friends after, the girl asked if I was okay bc she had just seen me get yelled at and said “it’s not even like that.” I didn’t know what to think and still don’t… That night, he just seemed more concerned about her than me and it was the biggest slap in the face. He was a bit in her face and it killed me to see. The night didn’t turn out great… It was honestly one of the worst nights of my life. The next day, we saw each other (I showed up at his house, which I now realize was a terrible mistake) and he adamantly denied that there was anything going on between the two and said they were not talking nor dating. He also accused me of overreacting and emotionally reacting to the situation when I had no idea what was going on. We were together for two years and I’ve never heard of the girl nor seen her… I thought I was in reason to have my suspicions. That day, he told me didn’t want to be with me anymore and to move on with my life and to let go… We’ve spoken a few times since that terrible night and awful conversation the following morning and each time he continued to proclaim that there was absolutely nothing going on with that girl and got upset with me for wanting to bring her up. He even mentioned that he was upset that I showed up at his house because he thinks my motives behind doing so was to catch him with that girl… Not going to lie, I thought the worst. He also remained steadfast in not wanting to be with me anymore. My ex never gave me one suspicion that he ever cheated on me while we were together, but that night literally drove me crazy and it made me question him and doubt everything we had. I called and wanted to talk and wanted answers and the only answers he would give me was that there was nothing going on with that girl and that he didn’t want to be with me anymore… that he was done for good. I then became desperate, called, texted him several times in one day, and asked him not to give up on us. I just wanted to talk to him. I professed my love for him and told him that I wanted our relationship to survive. That I was in love with him and have never felt this way about anyone in my life and that I know he felt the same about me… at one point at least. He told me if I want him to be happy that I should just leave him alone. My heart is clearly broken and my spirit isn’t the same. I was so in love with him… I was pretty confident he was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Before that terrible night, he didn’t rule us getting back together and was hopeful we would, but it seemed that night became the nail in the coffin and my actions after really damaged the chances of us ever getting back together. I feel like I ruined a future with him (although he is definitely guilty of things, too) and I have no idea what to do. I wish I had just been cool… I know I overreacted and went crazy. He means the world to me and I hate that I pushed him away… Help :*(

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:24 am

When was the last time you two talked? Do you talk on a daily basis? Because if he is used to communicating with you daily then I can promise you that the no contact rule will have some sort of effect on him.
E

July 16, 2013 at 3:52 am

Just thinking about the timing of my first text… how it will likely fall a few days after his birthday. I would be bothered if he didn’t say hbd, but I know I have to change my expectations. I remember him having a really big issue one year when his biological father texted him ‘happy birthday,’ so I know he has sensitivities around that… I’m just confused on how to approach this… or if I should walk away for good like he suggested.
E

July 17, 2013 at 8:09 pm

At first we were like magnets, but somehow our sides of attraction got flipped

Thanks for all of the advice/feedback — I really, really appreciate it. Looks like I have no other choice than to stick with the TXB program exactly how it’s laid out. Praying for a miracle.

Honestly, I know this has all been incredibly frustrating for him — he feels like I didn’t/don’t listen to him, and post break-up, when I pushed for us to “work on us,” I validated that feeling for him because he wanted a clean break/space (even though we had planned to meet-up to hang out one day, which never ended up happening bc of “that night”). I pushed and he didn’t want that… I became over-emotional and needy and desperate, and it just came out the wrong way. I just wanted him to know how much I love him and want this to work, which he clearly knows, he just wants something different… Really hard to even type that out. He wants peace, and I don’t represent that for him anymore… :*(

Although I’m really angry at him and how he’s treated me post break-up, I can’t sit here and say that I don’t want to be with him, because I actually do. I am working on forgiving him and, most importantly, forgiving myself. All of this has made me realize my faults and how I significantly contributed to the demise of my relationship, and honestly, it’s been REALLY painful bc I truly felt like I sabotaged a really, really good thing. I’ve been going through a lot of personal struggles over the last year or so of my life, and they manifested into attitudes and behaviors that harmed our relationship and, ultimately, made him fall out of love with me and made him not want to continue working on our relationship. When we first broke-up, I asked him if he was in love with me, and he said “No, not right now.” He also said he wouldn’t have fallen for the person I am today. That hit me like a ton of bricks… It’s like I became a different person, admittedly so, and I so desperately want to be the person he fell in love with (but better) not only for my own personal sanity and sake (I was in different space mentally, a much, much better space…), but also because that is when we both brought each other so much joy and fell deeply in love with each other. It’s just been hard to relay that to him… he’s so blinded by the arguments and disconnect that took over our relationship and doesn’t think we will work out, but I know deep down inside that he’s the one for me and I’m the one for him. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before in my entire life and I know at one point he felt that about me. He was single for six years before he met me bc he just couldn’t find the right person… until I came along. It was truly magical when our relationship first began and I can’t seem to let go of that. I don’t want our old relationship, I want to start over, I want to be happy, I want him to be happy, and I know that we’re both capable of creating that magic again, of bringing out the best in each other, I just want him to believe me and to to give us a fighting change, for real this time. I know I’m not perfect and neither is he, but I just can’t stand the thought of not being with him, of being with someone else, even worse, of him being with someone else. There’s been this emptiness inside of me, this feeling in my stomach, that I just can’t shake…
E

July 17, 2013 at 9:16 pm

P.S. Totally did not mean to drop-in that “magnets” line — I came across that line earlier today and it struck a chord with me 🙂 accidentally copied/pasted that in with my new comment…
E

July 12, 2013 at 1:26 am

We don’t talk on a daily basis and weren’t before that night happened, maybe once a week? But we haven’t spoken since last Friday, when I last reached out to him to talk, so it’s been roughly six days. The last time I spoke to him was when he said “If you want me to be happy, leave me alone…” I did text/call the following morning and asked him not to give up on us and said a few others things I should have left unsaid… Of course he didn’t answer my calls nor did he respond to my texts, which hit me hard, bc before then he responded to every call I made to him.

I bought the TXB program and hope to make it through… I’ll do whatever it takes at this point. The 30 days will be up a week before my birthday. I’m curious to see if he’s going to reach out and say HBD, especially considering his is in a little over two weeks and the TXB program says not to do/say anything on their bday. Should I add another week to the 30 days to see what happens around my birthday, to see if he reaches out? Or am I just looking to disappoint myself? It’s been 7 weeks since we broke up… By the time the 30 days is up, it will have been roughly 11 weeks since we broke up… I’m clearly counting the days.

I feel so hopeless…
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:32 am

E you are not doing bad. You are doing everything right.

I don’t think you should add an extra week with the birthday just keep going right on.

I know it feels hopeless but I think you are doing great. It takes a lot of discipline to do the NC rule!
E

July 16, 2013 at 3:41 am

Do you think it’s smart if I contact my ex on his birthday to wish him happy birthday? Or if it’s even wise? Should I just ignore him until a solid 30 days are up? His birthday will mark 24 days since we last spoke, and as I mentioned, our last conversation was AWFUL, one I never imagined we would have. I started TXB a few days after that conversation, so with that date in mind, I will have only been using the TXB program for 19-20 days on his birthday. I want to follow the program closely, but wonder if there is any room for tweaking. When I asked if we could hang out for his birthday during our last conversation, he said no, not to get him anything, and that I don’t even have to acknowledge his birthday. Then immediately after saying that, he said I could call if I wanted to. Do you think it’s worth it?

Also, I’m starting to feel a lot of resentment towards him… I’m angry about how he’s treated me post-breakup. I know I haven’t been all that pleasant either, but I haven’t been mean. I feel like he got really nasty and angry towards me out of nowhere, just plain mean, and I don’t understand why. I am finally realizing what issues drove us a part, but it’s almost like he treated me/spoke to me like I betrayed him or cheated on him or something. Should I just move on?
admin

July 17, 2013 at 6:40 am

Hi E,

I would say don’t wish him a happy birthday. Don’t even think twice about it either.

I actually would like to focus on your second comment. I was dating a girl once, who seemed to be a lot like you. She was really sweet and pleasant to me, after the breakup even. Only I wasn’t. Bear in mind, I was 19 out the time so emotionally I was pretty much an idiot in guy terms. Anyways, I reacted just like your ex did EVEN THOUGH I WOULD HAVE TAKEN HER BACK.

I think I was just frustrated with the whole situation and upset with how I acted, and how I felt I wasn’t able to properly have a decent relationship with her. I am not saying your ex is acting like this for that specific reason but maybe he is just frustrated with the whole situation.

Also, sometimes during NC you find that you don’t want to be with him anymore, you start remember just how bad the bad times were. Don’t be ashamed if you feel this way.
E

July 12, 2013 at 1:03 pm

Even the calls I’ve made to him, I poured my heart out to him…
E

July 12, 2013 at 12:53 pm

I’m just afraid that I have come across as so desperate after the last texts/e-mail I sent… That I pushed him so far to the edge, to the point of no return. How do you come back from that?
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:25 pm

You have to be patient and willing to give him time and make yourself so compelling during that time that he can’t NOT want to date you.

Anna

July 10, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Hi Admin,

My ex broke up with me three weeks ago. He told me that he only sees me as a friend. And have haven’t had sex in a few months. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. He told me he wanted to get that feeling back but he has been trying and couldn’t.

He broke the news to me during a small argument in which i didn’t even think was a reason for a breakup.

I talked to him two weeks after the breakup and tried to convince him to give it another shot but he resisted. So i finally wrote him a letter telling him how i feel and how i believe in our relationship. And i told him i would let it up to him if he wants to talk about this when he’s ready. Then i stopped contacting me. He stopped contacting me.

We haven’t talked for each other for 1 week now. No contact what so ever.

What should i do next? Is there a chance for us coming back? It’s hard. I’m tempted to contact him.

Thank you.

Anna

July 10, 2013 at 12:20 pm

Also,

After our breakup, he would text me constantly telling me about his life. I answered and showed him support. That’s why i decided to talk to him and wrote him a letter. But he told me he only see me as a friend and wanted to be my friend only.
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:21 am

You wrote that letter way too soon. Letters in general aren’t very smart tactics. Finish out the No Contact Period and then work on him.
Anna

July 11, 2013 at 9:14 am

Thank you. I will try.

But did i mess up badly by writing that letter?
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:12 am

You messed up…

I don’t know how badly though. Maybe it won’t be a big deal.

Just play it cool for now.

Sarah

July 10, 2013 at 9:35 am

My boyfriend and I just broke up like a week a go. Honestly I don’t really know what’s the reason. So here’s the background story. We met through an online dating. He’s 38, in the middle of divorce and he has a son that sometime lives with him, like once every 3-4 days. I’m 31, single and have no kids. After the third date, he asked me to become his gf and he said that he loves me, I don’t really believe him at that moment but because I like him, I think there’s no harm to try and we promised to close our account on ol dating together. It turned out we were going pretty well together. Until one day (like 1 month after) I found out that he has another couple of accounts and active. The most horrible thing is I knew there’s 1 girl that he still like and he contacted her again, even though she never replied. I confronted him nicely, he didn’t said anything and promised to close the account. So I gave him a second chance. And everything going back to normal, but no matter how happy we were, that incident has scarred my mind. I was being an insecure gf that actually I hate, I was being paranoia and keep checking his emails (I know this is wrong, but I couldn’t help it). He could feel it, and I tried to calm down, I tried my best to not being insecure, but I doubted his love for me already, and I think he knows. He also has another bad side when he doesn’t really want to do something, instead of say no he will say yes just to avoid confrontation and he will never do that stuff. Our last fight is exactly about that, but we ended it ok, we still give goodbye kiss in the car when he dropped me back home. I text him to say sorry about the fight, he still replied me. And then at night I called him, no answer, so I leave a message asked him to call me back. One hour later, still no response, I started to panicking because he usually will respond just in a minute. So I called him back, still no response. I text, nothing. I waited until the next day, nothing. At night I gave up. I sent him goodbye message (HUGE MISTAKE!!) which he read it right away (Fb), he respond the next day said that he will return my stuff on Saturday. Then he said I don’t need to talk about ol dating account because he found out that my account active again. Then I replied him, it because I found out 2 weeks earlier that he has another 2 accounts, I just didn’t want to bring it up because I don’t want to fight. And I asked him what he wants, if he still wants this relationship or not. I’m willing to work on this, because I still love you (now I sound like an idiot, I know). No reply at all after that for the whole day. On Saturday morning I text him about my stuff and asked him when he’ll bring that to me. He said afternoon. At that moment I hope we’ll have opportunity to talk and tell me the reason why he act like that. But all he did was just drop my stuff on the front door, text me and drove away. I didn’t even have a chance to see him. I called he didn’t pick up, he just text back that the stuff should be there. I asked him to come back and talk, he just said sorry. That was his last word.

I’ve been very angry and frustrated for couple of days already. I can’t believe the guy that said he loves me could do this coward things to me. He doesn’t want to face me and gives me a proper goodbye after we’ve been together for 2 and half months (3-4 days stayed at his place every week). But after almost a week, my anger is receding and i start to think that it’s not just him who’s making mistakes, me also, I pressured him a lot. Right now I’m just not sure if I should try to go back to him or not. If I do, should I wait for 30 days, because he’s kind of a guy that moving really fast in case of relationship. And last, I’m pretty sure he won’t respond to me also, I don’t know how to contact him if he doesn’t respond. Is going to his place after couple of weeks just to talk is still acceptable considering he really cut me off? Hmmm.. I don’t think so.

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:16 am

The way you can improve your chances of getting him to respond is waiting the 30 days.

Joy

July 10, 2013 at 6:36 am

Hi Chris, thank you for putting in a lot of effort in providing us with a lot of good advises. Mine was a short relationship, around 1 month old, before that we were friends and I have been happy being with him until the second he decided to leave. It was a case of ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ and I was caught totally off guard when that happened. It has been half a year since, I somewhat did the NC and now he does text/chat with me once in a while which is kinda good. However, it seems like I am always the one who initiate contact. I am not quite sure of what to do next.

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:07 am

This is a tricky situation. You have to come up with better texts to get him hooked in the conversation and then YOU need to be the one dominating it.
Joy

July 11, 2013 at 5:03 am

Thanks Chris.He agreed to meet up, which is good 😀
Is there anything i should be careful about like what to say and what not to say?
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:07 am

Well, let me see here….

Usually you want to remain calm and do things that will make your ex regret breaking up with you. Look absolutely perfect during the date. See if he initiates any contact with you (physical contact I mean.) Also, if you feel the time is right you can talk about your relationship.
Joy

July 18, 2013 at 2:47 pm

Hi again Chris, he did mentioned about meeting me up again when I was about to leave. So should I wait for him to ask me out or should I make the move (again)?
admin

July 18, 2013 at 7:53 pm

I don’t think it would hurt you to make the move.
Joy

July 12, 2013 at 2:08 pm

Thanks Chris, he did not initiate any physical contact with me but the meeting went well 🙂
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:22 pm

Glad to hear it went well. See if you can get another date in the future. I would say if you could get three you are in good shape.
Joy

July 10, 2013 at 6:59 am

Btw, he could be a bit of introvert sometimes, and I am not much of an extrovert either.
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:10 am

Well, usually with introverts you do have to initiate the conversation more.

Nina

July 10, 2013 at 5:41 am

Dear Chris,I read your entire post and most the comments and what you wrote is really impressive. Is it possible to email you? I have a question and after I read you, I think you are the best to advice me,
thank you

admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:01 am

Feel free to email me!

Jenna

July 10, 2013 at 2:26 am

Hey there! I’ve been searching all over the Internet and I must say your advice I love the most! My bf of about 11 months recently broke up with me 3 weeks ago exactly from today. Mind you we’ve broken up before 5 months ago for about a month but we ended up still maintaining contact even though it was painful which eventually resulted us getting back together. So we made it another 5 months till this breakup. We always bickered an had arguments here and there about the normal jealousy, faithfulness etc. neither of us cheated on each other but he broke up with me because he said he couldn’t trust me anymore becaus did previous times I’d gone out with my friends and wouldn’t be completely honest about drinking and what not. He has also made little white lies but nothing that I couldn’t get over or willing to work through. I admitted to this most recent time about lying about drinking and was completely honest about it when we talked it out during the breakup. Our breakups tend to be kind of positive, we never leave each other with hate, it’s only till days or week later that each other would try and send a text to spark a conversation and we would either not reply on both sides or when we did talk itd be like walking on egg shells trying not to start an argument but would end up resultin on us fighting and why we broke up. After 2 weeks we ended up meeting up to talk it out again to leave on the same positive note as when we broke up 2 weeks before that and then ended up sleeping together. Typical breakup stuff. After that we didn’t talk for two days and he texted me on the 4th of July when I was out with all my friends and started a huge argument an said the most hateful things like “I can’t get back in a relationship with you” or “this conversation is over” when my responses were calm also. I sent him a text the Next day being completely nice an telling him I loved him but I will let him move on and to not reply which he didn’t. It’s been 5 full days now of no contact and I’m kind of freaking out. I knew the first two weeks he was definitely missing me but now I feel I messed it up. We were each others first love, an besides the mistrust we are AMAZING together. I have never been more in love with a man and I know he loved me more than anything. He was always trying to make me happy. There has been a lot of stress with his job and family too around the time we broke up so that didn’t help. So what I ask you is if there’s hope in this relationship? Will the 30 day NC still work if I start now after all this went down in three weeks? I know we’re meant to be together and we had so many plans of a future together. He wanted to move in together in the next month before I ruined it with my night out. Where do I go from here to getting my soulmate back? Please help.

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:55 am

When emotions are high, logic is low. You say all kinds of things you don’t mean. Stick with the no contact period and then asses!

crystal1tx

July 10, 2013 at 1:18 am

Me and my exboyfriend been separated for four years the first two years we were still sleeping together the next two years I stop and left out of town because he would not come home we have three kids together and the girl he with has now two kids im hurting he talked to me when I came back we slept around but now he cant spend time with me its like im not here we haven’t talked like three days now im trying the no contact rule do you think it will work what should I do I miss him i love him I will accept the kids but I wants some time so he can see I change they are augueing now friends are telling me please help me I know he care he asking about me to friends and I know he care for her please help me

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:52 am

Try out the no contact rule and go from there. Everything else shouldn’t matter much right now. Sure, he may be arguing with the new girl but until they break up there is no reason to celebrate.

ferangy

July 9, 2013 at 11:49 pm

Hi,

I am not very good at explaining things and I will try and stick to the main points. My boyfriend of 2.5 years just left me this last Thursday (the 4th). A little background on my ex-boyfriend before I proceed: He is 20, in the past few months he has been unemployed/out of school, doesn’t have communication with his mom – she acts more like his friend imo (he is the youngest out of 3 and is the only boy), plays a lot of video-games, rarely hangs with his friends, DOES NOT open-up much or communicate that well – especially this last little while, and sadly he lost his father to a heart attack almost 2 years ago. Please note that my ex-boyfriend has not always been like this or I would’ve def. not been with him haha. He was a very happy and motivated guy at one point. It makes me so sad to see him go down hill like this. And I won’t lie, this is my first time getting “dumped” so I am completely torn and devastated. The week of the break-up I didn’t see any signs of him being unhappy in the relationship and so on. He told me he loved and missed me, and that if it wasn’t for me he would be completely alone and that i’m all he has (which I told him I don’t agree with – he has his friends, family, etc.) In a nutshell, he ended up telling me that our relationship was bland and that he lost feelings for me. I told him he can lean on me anytime, and he knew that, and that he shoudln’t just give up, but he told me he has tarnished the relationship too much to turn back and he doesn’t think it will work-out. I went over Friday morning and again Saturday morning (returned some of his belongings) to try and “talk things out,” but he didn’t want to, I left him alone Friday and Saturday night and Sunday, but he did text me Sunday later that evening just to see how I was feeling/how I was doing. His reply did not seem too genuine so that is why I am so confused. When I went over Friday and Saturday he cried and kept calling me “hun” and “babe” although we weren’t together. And he isn’t even in much of a rush to give me any of my belongings back, talk to anybody about the break-up, or delete it off of the infamous Facebook (not that it matters at all lol). I am trying to keep my distance and not keep much contact, or none at all for that matter, but of course it is just so hard. I really am so confused and don’t know what to do and I don’t understand. I’m not even sure if he is 100% sure about leaving me because he keeps talking to me etc. Help! 🙁

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:47 am

Hahah so he broke up with you but hasn’t taken any steps to make it public? He might regret it. Nevertheless, freeze him out for a week of no contact at all. Test to see where he is at and what happens and we can plan from there.
ferangy

July 11, 2013 at 1:00 am

Thanks so much for the reply! He was messaging me pleasantly last night. We were having a nice light hearted convo. and I thought everything was going well. He told me he missed me, but then things got weird.. He essentially told me he wanted to have a friends with benefits type of relationship. Of course I said know and I ended the convo. shortly after that. I am not that type of girl, as I told him, and he agreed, but yet he wants to have me there when it is convenient for him/his needs/wants? I don’t think so. Anyways, he never ended up replying, but I guess my best form of action now is to follow through with the no contact rule. Right?
admin

July 11, 2013 at 2:32 am

Yes, that is the only course of action in my opinion.
ferangy

July 11, 2013 at 1:01 am

NO** not know haha
ferangy

July 10, 2013 at 12:35 am

I just feel like a bit of an idiot. I am fine one moment and the next i’m not. When we do text each other I am very calm and try to keep things light hearted, but when i’m having a melt down I friggen text him asking HIM if he WANTS me to back off/stop talking to him and if i’m pushing him away even more.. He did text me telling me not to feel stupid and to trust him “no you’re not making it worse,” but I feel like i’m putting him more in control and I just want to stop! :/ I’m scared that if I don’t talk to him though that we will lose all contact and won’t have a chance at getting back together. He also told me that he thought it was weird in the sense of me being there for 2.5 years and now not at all. Im afraid that although he is telling me it’s “ok,” that I actually am making things worse. Relationships/break-ups mang.. :'(
ferangy

July 10, 2013 at 12:41 am

I’m SO sorry, one more thing! I just feel like now i’ve gone too far. I didn’t stick with the “no-contact rule” as much as I should’ve. He told me it’s ok if we talk, but really is it too late? Have I friend-zoned myself to the point where he just feels bad for me?
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:50 am

No you haven’t but seriously, do you think texting him and being his friend is a winning strategy? Think about it logically for a moment? Would a boyfriend and girlfriend ask eachother if they are impeding on eachothers space by saying “am I making it worse?”

You know what my advice will be to you, freeze him out for 30 days and go from there. The only question is, can you implement it?
ferangy

July 10, 2013 at 2:37 am

Ok, long story short – i’m sorry for all of the posts btw – so he just texted me saying “I’m not 100% over you :(” What should I do?
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:53 am

Control the conversation. Say something like “that’s nice to hear” you want to remain ungettable to him at least for now. You want to make sure he puts in some effort.

Lulu

July 9, 2013 at 11:42 pm

HI, I’ve been dating this guy for a year, we met at work,at first, he had a girlfriend (long distance) but would always ask me out and flirt with me, I didn’t think much of anything and just treated him as a friend. Slowly, I became more attached as he is always supportive when am sick/sad or when I have other boy problems etc. This goes on for more than a year. We eventually kissed, and the next week, he broke up with his girlfriend. We have been together ever since. I have to confess that am very jealous and possessive and am always thinks that he flirts with other girls ( which he does a little), especially since our history. We had arguments over this multiple times, otherwise things are good. After a year, I am moving to another city for work ( only 2 hrs drive) and I am very stressed out over the whole situation. One day, we had an argument about something stupid ( probably about other girls ). Later that night, I found out that he recently started talking and watching tv with his ex on Skype. I got really angry and said that we should just break up since am going to move away anyways. He says that he was worried that I am always jealous and things will not work out if long distance. And he starts to cry and basically said that we should end it since he does not feel close to me, does not see a future with me. I cried so much and begged, but he just reminds cold and distant. Am so mad that he leaves me when am really vulnerable with the new job and moving away from friends and family. We haven’t talked for over a month ( we use to see each other everyday for lunch and talk on the phone at night and spend all our weekends together). I still love him and cry every day, the worse is I know that he’s the type that won’t easily change his mind. I did not try to contact him for a month, and lately I tried to call and text him, but his phone is always off, and he’s not replying. And am moving away in one month, Is this hopeless ?? I really really can’t let go 🙁

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:44 am

Were you able to make it through an entire month without contacting him?
Lulu

July 10, 2013 at 3:22 am

Yes, but we work together and we have the same social circle, so I did run into him a few times and talked politely, but never called or texted him until recently, ie after a month. HE doesn’t seem to be affected at all, to be honest I have always found him to be a little cold, he’s very nice with everyone and everybody likes him, but I feel that he’s very emotionally reserved and doesn’t really care ??
Lulu

July 10, 2013 at 3:52 am

Also,he did not contact me once during this time, but we did talk at friends’ party. I can be patient, the only thing is that am moving away very soon, if we don’t patch things up then, I know it’s over for good. Also, I called him today to ask for a textbook that I needed which he picked up ( he doesn’t have caller I’d) he sounded impatient as he had visitors ( his relatives). And I asked what he’s doing on the weekend and he says he’s going to be out of the town to visit people in the city where I will be moving to. He did not mention before that he had close friends there when we were dating and he knows that I will be moving and looking for apartments there?? I find this very strange, i suspect that he might be meeting up his ex or something like it. And he know that I will go on a long trip next week and will like to see him on the weekend. Guess he really doesn’t care anymore.
Lulu

July 12, 2013 at 10:17 pm

Yes, he knew.
Lulu

July 12, 2013 at 2:33 am

Also, I was sick and off work for a few days, he didn’t even call or text to ask how I was, I am very sad, think that we are done for good 🙁
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:12 pm

Did he know that you were sick? I wouldn’t let this affect you too much.
Lulu

July 11, 2013 at 11:45 am

Yes, but it’s only a 10 months temporary assignment, and only 2 hours drive, so I feel it would be manageable if things were as before, but now it’s just dead water. He seems to be pretty set about the breakup, maybe I should just give up, although I really don’t want to.
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:23 am

Sometimes guys just need more time. Even if you do things right sometimes it won’t matter b/c guys just need time to sort things out.

We are weird like that huh?
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:04 am

If you were to patch things up wouldn’t you still move away?
admin

July 10, 2013 at 3:39 am

Maybe the problem is that you haven’t figured out a good enough text to send him. Remember, this has to be so interesting that he is forced to respond.

Melina Gonzalez

July 9, 2013 at 11:00 pm

Hello my name is Melanie I’m 21 and my ex bf is 25 he broke up with me ony birthday less than a week ago because he was tired of me complaining acting I gratefully constantly arguing for small petty things and breaking up back and forth , now that the breakup feels final I can’t help but want to do everything to get back with him but he seems really determined , what can I do I don’t want to loose him but all his twitter post are so oriented to moving on with life without me

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:41 am

Take a deep breath,

This is going to take some discipline but Follow this post exactly it will really help you: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/the-no-contact-rule/
Melina Gonzalez

July 10, 2013 at 12:28 pm

Is there any recommendation that after the no contact period I have a friend message him checking if he has any emotions towards me before I start to text him ?
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:22 am

I guess you could do that but beware, it can be dangerous b/c you may lose focus during NC.

Valerie

July 9, 2013 at 7:50 pm

Hi Chris,

First off, I want to say thanks so much for all your advice. It’s hard not having any sense of what to do and feeling that everything is out of your control.
Here is my situation…

My boyfriend of two years broke up with me two weeks ago. He came over to break up with me completely. When I said I still have faith in the relationship, he said he didn’t.

Prior to the break up, we were on a two week “break”, with the rule of him being the only person able to contact me. This is because he needed space and he wanted to contact me when he felt comfortable enough. During that time (and even before then), I have been working like a maniac on improving myself.

He acknowledged that I’m “grown up” now. He saw that I’ve changed, yet he still “couldn’t do it”. He had enough of trying to fix things. (IMO, our attempts to fix things were terribly executed, hence no results). I explained to him how I still wanted to be together, and he told me not to wait for him. He said, “I wish I could say let’s try again, but I can’t”. He even said, “Yes, I’m going to say it, but I need to find myself. It’s not you, it’s me.” Deep down, I was really panicking while trying to respect his wishes. Yet I stood up for my side, in wanting to give us space apart and somehow coming back together to see where things are at.
Even if he told me to move on and not wait, he said things like: “I hope we can get together later, but I can’t right now.” or “I’m really considering what you’re saying…”

The reasons of the break up are: he’s afraid of failing “us” again, he felt like he lost himself completely from the relationship, he’s too tired to try again.

It’s understandable because what caused that two week “break” to happen was because I went to him when I was feeling down. He didn’t want to have to do anything with my crazy emotions because he was overwhelmed. I can totally see that and saw that was selfish of me. On the other hand, he expected me to be a mind reader and to KNOW when he needed space. In the end, us not taking responsibilities for our actions drove us to meet our demise.

He then came to a point where he negotiated to reconnect at the end of two months (end of August). He didn’t have hope for us during that conversation, but he had enough to want to see where things go in two months? I’m getting caught up in hoping that he would give us another shot, ESPECIALLY because I see now where we went wrong. We can do this, only if he’d give us another shot.

These next couple of weeks could be a sham. That little light at the end of the tunnel could very well be some damn flashlight, with no exit in sight. Yet, this space feels like something we’ve been needing in our entire relationship, since we lived together for 1.5 years. I feel that the pressures of living together at such a young age (college), without knowing how to be responsible and respectful of each other in close proximity, contributed to the break up almost completely.
I see where I went wrong. I am willing to fix it and change, in which I’ve been taking giant leaps.

Would this space be enough to make him resilient to bring himself back to the relationship? Does him proposing that we meet up again mean that he still has hope? Or is this all just false hope and he’s in denial of letting me go? Most importantly, despite agreeing to meeting again in two months, should I stick with the 30-day rule and text him anyways?

I feel that texting him after 30-days would help rekindle something before the entire fire burns out. However, he requested the space, so I’m a little uncertain if this message is uninvited and would only end up hurting me.

Thanks so much… !

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:40 am

I can’t tell you yes, you are absolutely guaranteed to get him back if you do thing A, B and C. What I can tell you is that through experience and information from other relationship experts the No Contact Rule definitely works and if you have a gut feeling that a 30 day NC Rule would be beneficial to you and your situation then I say you go for it.

Just focus on getting through it because that is the hardest part.
Valerie

July 9, 2013 at 7:54 pm

PS, our break up was left very lovingly. We said goodbye in the usual way that we had when we lived together. It hurt, but it let me know that he meant it when he said “I still love and care for you deeply.”.
And we aren’t living together anymore. We moved out into our own places sometime in May.
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:38 am

I like it when breakups are done “lovingly” you are a rare breed.

Jessica

July 9, 2013 at 7:19 pm

Me and my boyfriend broke up June 29th after a year and four months, because of cultural differences along with other regular couple differences. I’m still kind of hopeful, but cultural differences can hold a lot of weight. I started the no contact immediately, but I contacted him on yesterday to talk so I could clear my mind. Basically nothing changed, and he has some of my things…

Is there hope and should I ask for the rest of my things?

admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:31 am

Definitely, go get your things. However, know that no contact is the way to go. Just make sure that your communication with him while you get your things should be simple and pleasant but don’t talk about the relationship just go there to get your things and leave.
Jessica

July 10, 2013 at 5:35 pm

So I suggested we meet in a neutral place. He was so dry with me…

He wouldn’t even look at me. Basically, he was like “okay thats everything, thks and pulled off”. Like I did something to him. I didn’t ask for this…

I should be the one mad. I don’t get it, and I am honestly more hopeless now than ever.
Jessica

July 10, 2013 at 5:49 pm

In your most professional opinion, based off of circumstances such as mine… Is cultural difference a big enough reason to break off a serious relationship…

Also I should note, he is notorious for breaking up with girls. Iv’e lasted longer than any of the ones before me. I feel like he’s running from something, because I know he truly loved me unconditional…

Please help. All I ever do now is pray and think positive.
admin

July 11, 2013 at 1:26 am

Cultural differences can break up a relationship definitely. I think he needs some time to calm down and you do too. Tell you what, this will work better if you ask me a specific question.
Jessica

July 9, 2013 at 8:39 pm

On second thought,

I really am not all that hopeful. He seemed so sat on breaking things off. I want him back, but I dnt know if I have the energy….
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:34 am

That is why the No Contact Rule is in place. So, you can give him time and decide if you want him back.

Sarah

July 9, 2013 at 2:47 pm

It’s me again; i wasn’t able to get back on my post and comment on it. I figured i should also mention that this summer we are about four hours away from each other; i’m on a university campus and he is in the city where he is from. Does this change this (communication wise)?

Sarah

July 28, 2013 at 1:20 am

So giving you an update; he contacted me four times within the period of time. It’ll be a month on Monday and i’m so nervous to contact him honestly.
He will finally be back in our city on Thursday; should i see if we have runins before i just go and contact him
Sarah

August 2, 2013 at 2:56 pm

so i did contact him, it went along the lines of “hey hows it going? i heard you guys can’t move into your apartment yet, that blows :/”

they currently are being put up in a hotel and he is staying at his old place for awhile, however i didn’t get any response…..

i honestly think he’s angry at me for cutting off all communication with him for that whole month and is getting me back by not responding.
Sarah

September 22, 2013 at 6:20 am

I don’t have your ebook. I’m a college student; expenses are making my budget very limited
Sarah

October 28, 2013 at 12:59 am

He purposely has pushed me out with no reason behind it. He’s lashed out at other people. I’m worried as hell. I so am. This isn’t him. I have known him for a year and a half :/ And I’m worried he could be depressed or even suicidal.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:56 am

Women are interesting creatures. Any girl who could be depressed or suicidal is a big downer for me. But you guys care so much you just want to take care of people like that.

I kind of admire that.
Sarah

November 4, 2013 at 7:04 am

thank you 🙂 i wouldn’t say i hate the girl. it was just .. you know. jealousy and sadness. either way, it didn’t mean anything and it doesn’t matter. not my proudest moment being that upset.

and i agree with you. i love and i care about him. i just do. for me, i can’t ever hate him, though i guess you could say i have every reason to.

it’s knowing in my heart there is nothing i can do. and that i just have to continue with my life. if he ever comes to me and is ready to talk or wants me to be there, i will be there, without question.

you can’t help someone unless they are ready to accept it, or be ready to talk to you about things.
Sarah

November 22, 2013 at 6:37 am

Everything over these past few weeks imploded. And needless to say I have been left with nothing.

Two weeks ago, i ran into his dad at tailgating. His dad came and talked to me and we caught up for about fifteen minutes. it was a really good and positive conversation and he was happy about all the positive strides i was making in my life. During this time, he pretty much mentioned he felt really bad about how his son was fucking up and wished me the best. Apparently he also told his son this and it ended with him getting sick in the apartment to the point where he wasn’t able to go out.

I finished my therapy last Monday. I felt good about things and had a healthy resolve on the situation. I hadn’t contacted him in over a month. Seemed as though things were moving in healthy directions.

Saturday, I get a call from one of my best friends. He tells me that my ex was trying to come over, saying I was a crazy bitch and all this.

Apparently this girl he is talking to, and I don’t know who this person is; never met them, talked to them, etc, said I messaged them on FB and called her a whore, a slut for sleeping with the whole football team, and told her to back off my ex because we were getting back together.

My ex contacts me Sunday, calling me a fucking liar, he wants to get his shit back (after five months), and he wants to talk. I tell him to come over because I have nothing to hide. He chickens out, never calls or shows.

He took this to a point where he told his family and they want nothing more to do with me. Which honestly, I can’t blame them, given what he is telling me.

I left his stuff at the front desk today for him to pick up.

I honestly couldn’t have tried to handle the situation better. Frankly, it is more upsetting and hurtful than anything I have words for. It makes me question everything about myself and I have lost so many people that held very special parts in my life.

I’m offended and hurt that he believes this crap. He obviously never asked to see anything, because there is no messages that were ever sent to this person. It honestly makes me wonder if he just made it all up because for him, he is in such denial about all this bullshit, this is the best thing he thinks to do. i mean hey, it’s worked; a majority of our mutual friends and his family want nothing to do with me now.

I just feel lost honestly, and really deceived and hurt.. It was so bad I had to go in for a walk in session at my therapists on Tuesday because I honestly couldn’t deal.
admin

November 22, 2013 at 7:53 pm

🙁 sorry about the tough time.

Maybe you should just focus on yourself for a little while and not him. You are putting waaayyyy too much of your effort into him and not your own well being.
sarah

February 28, 2014 at 1:16 pm

Yea.. im back in group and individual therapy. I just need to keep myself my first priority.

He has a lot of maturing to do and even if he figures it out I would be shocked if he came back. He has growing up to do and for him to talk to me, apologize, admit he was wrong, or come back to me would require too much.

I may still love him but I am trying to not live in the past when we have no future. Always easier said than done haha.

When we started this I thought he was gonna come back and when he was texting me a lot after he broke up with me he pry was. But he wasnt mature enough ro just ask me and talk to me about the break up.

I guess with this whole thing I can just talk it blue in the face but I will never know what really happened, that’s only something he knows.
Sarah

February 26, 2014 at 5:58 pm

Ah hello again 🙂
I posted back on here around July 1st but was unable to find the post. I was in communication with you until about November regarding my exboyfriend.

We were together for nine months, were long distance for about two months, went to Jamaica together, and he randomly broke up with me a week after the trip out of the blue.

He has a lot of abandonment issues regarding his mom and I think with us being separated and with his latest mom issues that arose, he pulled away and he couldn’t deal with things and that is the reason why we broke up.

After three months of therapy and no communication from him, this is all still hard. I’m in a better spot, but I still love and miss him; though he has treated me badly after the breakup for whatever reason.

I don’t know if you remember the case specifically with mine, but I followed your advice. I wasn’t needy, didn’t contact him, and kept trying to improve myself. He took the breakup as a time to get drunk and upset everytime someone brought me up and he saw me.

It literally tore me apart because I didn’t understand what I did wrong. I think now looking back him contacting a lot after we broke up was his attempt to get back together with me.. And maybe it is ass backwards of me to say this but I wish I had kept in contact and hadn’t told him to give me my space after we broke up.

I’ve been talking to other guys and been physical with them but I am unable to still get him out of my head.. Is this normal? I guess the lack of any real closure doesn’t help me at all, but it’s nuts. I still love him just as much as when we were together..

Any and all advice would be much needed.
admin

February 27, 2014 at 7:37 pm

Ya that is normal…

Sometimes it can just take a while to get an ex out of your head.
sarah

November 23, 2013 at 2:29 pm

Thats what I was finally reaching with therapy
admin

November 4, 2013 at 5:59 pm

Well you are handling this very maturely! hahaha
Sarah

November 6, 2013 at 7:21 pm

It’s hard but there is nothing else I can do :/ oh growing up
admin

November 7, 2013 at 5:18 pm

Yup, welcome to the world of breakups and love hahaha.
Sarah

November 4, 2013 at 9:29 pm

I’m trying to. I love him. Out of all mu relationships, I want him.

But until he is ready to talk or in a spot where he can be mature enough and ready for that conversation, it is a matter of keeping myself as busy and in s good spot as possible.
It hurts knowing that I am th reason why he is acting out in these ways. But the fact of the matter if I have tried reaching out. He broke up with me and isn’t ready to deal with things.
It just is an interesting and heartbreaking thing
Sarah

October 28, 2013 at 12:52 am

After this was said about me and he took the huge ass drink that was when he took the girl upstairs, and they didn’t come down for quite awhile.

He came into the room my friend and his best friend were in (they talk) and was taking about this girl he got with that night… A bit of a coincidence there since he knows that girl is friends with me

So pretty much, that girl is a nonissue. And she doesn’t go here.
Sarah

October 28, 2013 at 12:49 am

So now I have things to update you on. I wanted to wait some time to see where things were and how they were going.

1) That girl apparently he had a thing for over the summer and nothing happened. Girl was a hoe, long story short and while she did get with him while she visited people at school. Long story short, he just got with her, because she’s a female and honestly I think to justify things in his head about me and him.. but he obviously didn’t get out of it what he expected.

2) My friend was at the apartment the night this went down. Other than my best friend, no one knows that I’m cool with this girl. They were all talking to her and found out I was friends with her. And it was cool, they all kept asking how they knew me and how I’be been and stuff. My ex was dancing with the girl, the one that he got with that he was talking about, and came over when he heard my name being said. He was listening in on the whole conversation. When she was telling them how “great” i was doing and everything, he literally dropped the girl he was dancing with, walked away, poured a huge drink in the kitchen and downed all of it
3) I didn’t know the drinking was still such an issue.. It’s scaring me from what people have been telling me that it is such an issue
4) He has alienated his friends that are closest to him.

I’m worried. I can’t help him though 🙁 And he has pushed me so far away so I can’t do anything… He’s pretty much just lost,,,

With the texts that were sent… I haven’t contacted him other than telling him what he sent was really hurtful and if he wanted to talk about it we should met in person. It’s been about two weeks.

I need man advice honestly. I don’t know, I don’t know.
admin

October 29, 2013 at 1:51 am

1. Wow you seem to really hate her. LOL.

2. Sounds like someone who is really jealous to em. Or upset that he made a mistake.

3. Drinking excessively is not attractive to many people.

4. He is really hurt.
Sarah

October 19, 2013 at 6:03 am

Well,I, unfortunately don’t have anything.anymore.long story short, I have a friend he doesn’t know about.you’d her about this girl he has been talking to “all” summer.which would be when we were still together.and he came through the door tonight and says he wants to marry this girl.

I’m sick to my stomach
admin

October 19, 2013 at 8:41 pm

……. Wow…

How long has he known this girl again?
Sarah

October 16, 2013 at 3:12 pm

I hadn’t sent him a response until Monday night, after my therapy appointment. I wanted to get the chance to talk everything out and really think about how I was going to approach this situation.

I considered not responding at all, but I knew I deserved and had to stand up for myself. You don’t say those things to someone. It really hurt me, bad.

Now you see why I’m so utterly confused by this behavior! He was never irrational, nor immature like this the WHOLE time, in a year and a half when we were friends and when we were in a relationship.

I ended up texting him “everything you texted me on saturday was really hurtful and uncalled for. if you want to discuss this, talk with me about it in person”

Any other moves you got for me
admin

October 17, 2013 at 2:40 am

Hmmm… honestly he seems like a bit of a jerk to me…
Sarah

October 13, 2013 at 12:02 am

It was also confirmed to me that he is in fact still asking people about me. That’s the only reason he even knows that I’ve been talking to them.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:23 pm

Yea, your ex is clearly delusional hahahaha.
Sarah

October 13, 2013 at 12:01 am

Well homecoming overall was good. We had good run in. He came up and gave me a hug. He told me a bit about things and was saying things are good just stressful and told me he’s trying to graduate in the summer (I’m out in the spring). No bad vibes. Me and some of his mutual friends that have had issues had our own heart to hearts about our own issues and we are good. I had a great time and was just flirting (not with my ex), hanging out with people, just living life. Everything was fine until I got this text from him about an hour later.

Stop texting/calling my friends stop texting my family stop texting me. everyone is annoyed by you and you talking to them. in all seriousness just stop. (he includes five peoples names including his sister) EVERYONE sayin you annoying them and i’m tired of hearing about them and their problems with you. theyre nice enough to spare your feelings but none of them text you back or respond because they dont like you. its over and you need to accept that.

SO:

1) with all the people that were listed, NONE of them I talk about things with my ex
2) one of the people included in that text called me and said that that was all bullshit and they have no issue with me and never did
3) he was drunk as hell
4) never texted him; the last time was beginning of the week when i was trying to strike up a conversation
5) all those people hit me back in conversations and we always talk in general… so i have no clue what he is talking about
6) i honestly broke and down and started crying because i was so hurt by what he said. i didn’t respond which was a good thing because i was drunk
7) a mutual guy friend that was with me when i got the messages and was like. you know you’re a great person, you know this isn’t true. he’s jealous/hurt/missing you/lashing out

Ahh… you got some thoughts for me? I’m feeling ok now which is a good thing.
admin

October 13, 2013 at 10:22 pm

I think your ex is delusional..
Sarah

October 10, 2013 at 6:01 am

I was thinking a week or so. It’s homecoming this upcoming weekend.
Chances are we will run into each other. Which I could use that to my advantage. Be friendly but make sure my attention isn’t all on him and keep doing my own thing; possibly have a quick catch up moment if it feels right at the time.
I got confirmation from a good friend that he still isn’t talking to anybody nor hooked up with anyone and hasn’t since we broke up; his hesitation in communicating shows, along with what we had talked about, that obviously he is dealing with emotions with me and isn’t over this, no matter what he has told his guy friends in the past or with me when he was upset.
If we run into each other at a party, i plan on doing my own thing, but i wouldn’t hesitate to ask him to dance if he opportunity presented itself. may as well leave him with something to think about haha. 🙂 gotta do the small moves.
admin

October 10, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Absolutely right (with running to him at homecoming.)

BTW is it already homecoming time. That seems unusually early?
Sarah

October 9, 2013 at 5:49 am

How long do you recommend I wait before trying to contact again
admin

October 10, 2013 at 12:30 am

What do you think is an apporpriate amount of time?
Sarah

October 7, 2013 at 12:04 am

So I went for it and sent it last Sunday. Still haven’t received a response. Honestly, if I got a message like that out of the blue, it might take me awhile to process it as well. It took me about two weeks to respond when he said he wasn’t ready to talk and be around me yet.
So I’m just trying to remain busy and not think about it too much. Makes me wish I had a therapy appointment again this week so I can talk out this anxiety out of my system; but that is what working out and writing down all my feelings for this aren’t for 🙂
If I don’t hear anything in a few weeks, should i just give up? Should I just not respond with anything? Or, would it be alright to try baby stepping it back into communication, at least via text?
It’s weird.. my feelings haven’t changed at all. And I’m still wanting to pursue this, or at least try to get us on a healthy level… Though I don’t know what is all going on :/ To say the least this has really be putting me through some tests.
Sarah

October 2, 2013 at 11:47 pm

All I’m trying to do is make progress. Between keeping myself busy and talking to my therapist about the whole situation, it’s some of those things that are just keeping me going and allowing me to do things that I need to do.. I just hurt all the time for him and miss him. Life for the most part is going alright and keeping busy and being with people allows me to deal with things.

My therapist recommended I write something out to him, a letter of sorts, and wait a few weeks before I send it. Really see where my head is at. this is what I came up with; what do you think?

“there is something i’ve been meaning to say to you. after everything went down with the breakup, i know that you were reaching out to see how i was doing. i’m sorry for cutting you out. it wasn’t for of me to ignore you, and then throw all of my feelings and emotions onto you when everything got to be too much. i wasn’t ready to talk and it really hurt to hear from you. i’m here for you, and whenever you’re ready to talk and catch up, i’d like that. i care about you and hope everything is going ok.”
admin

October 3, 2013 at 2:07 am

If you think that this will make you feel better about the situation then I say go for it!
Sarah

September 28, 2013 at 2:57 am

no; this is in no way an overnight thing to say the least. i have known this for awhile. either way, no matter what happens, i’m making baby steps to improve our relationship/friendship.
admin

September 29, 2013 at 11:23 pm

That is so important I can’t even being to stress how awesome it is that you understand that making any progress is important.
Sarah

September 27, 2013 at 4:02 am

So everything kind of hit me today; life got real and I really just cried and had a moment where I’ve never felt so vulnerable in a long time.
It dawned on me that when he was reaching back out to me during the first month every week…he was probably trying to talk things out. And I ignored him and pushed him away and told him to give me space.
I think that was the one opportunity I had to really talk about things then, or him discuss getting back together. When someone is just making small talk with you however, it’s hard for me when I’m that upset to just take that small talk when you just dont come out and say what you’re thinking.
It explains the behavior, why he doesn’t want to see me, and all those things. After this realization..what now? Keep doing what we have discussed? Male perspective much needed
admin

September 28, 2013 at 2:37 am

It could be but I highly doubt everything gets worked out right there and then. Usually the process takes time. I wouldn’t beat yourself up over it too much.
admin

September 22, 2013 at 10:50 pm

I can give you a discount if you have trouble affording it. Just email me.
Sarah

August 28, 2013 at 6:20 pm

Long time; apologies for my lack of communication. I’ve been busy with job training and the start of another new school year 🙂

This is what has been going on with my ex: still no communication, but he saw me at a club (extremely intoxicated, moreso than I was). He came up to me, said hi, gave me a huge and walked away. The whole night he proceeded to keep his distance from me, yet was watching to see what I was doing the whole time, and he didn’t talk or dance with any girls.

Last Tuesday I was leaving from the bars with friends and mutual friends of ours (live in the same apartment as him), we ended up going to their apartment to watch a movie and have some more drinks. He wasn’t there but when he found out I was there, he proceeded to call my friend’s phone and was yelling at her (turns out he was drunk) and saying we had to get the f*** out of the apartment…

I honestly don’t know what to take from these actions. I’m honestly worried about him because he hasn’t talked about the breakup with ANYBODY and he never gets drunk like this, and it’s been happening often. A few times this week and last week his roommates had to carry him up the stairs to the apartment. When he is upset about something, he doesn’t talk to people about it, he shuts down.. I feel like this is what is happening.

I’m confused by this behavior though because this is not someone that is happy with a breakup that they initiated, and I’m honestly getting worried by his behavior,,, Please help give me advice.
Sarah

September 21, 2013 at 3:39 pm

mhm you gotta give me some suggestions lol.. and it would have been our one year on monday so i dont think it would be good at all to send something then. so perhaps tuesday i’ll send something.
admin

September 21, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Yea, send it on Tuesday.

Suggestions: Do you have my E-Book that is a good place to start?
Sarah

September 19, 2013 at 11:01 pm

I’ll be sure to do that 🙂 Do you think I should initiate the conversation in the same way again, or should I try something new?
admin

September 20, 2013 at 9:01 pm

Try something a little new. You don’t want to be predictable or robotic haha.
Sarah

September 18, 2013 at 4:28 am

Currently I’m seeing a therapist because I honestly can’t wrap my head around this situation and I’m hurt and still utterly confused, and completely in love with him. I tried to talk to other guys and move on, but he is the only person on my mind and I love him. So what’s good is I’m doing what I have to do to take care of myself and make sure I stay in a good place.

Two nights ago, me and his sister finally got to catch up. We were on the phone for an hour and it was great 🙂 We didn’t talk about her brother or the relationship, but I figure, if it feels right to add it into the conversation, I’ll do it then.

Earlier in the day, I had contacted him and asked him how his day was going. I got a one word response and I replied with just a positive comment & I was shocked, but a few hours later, he texted me about how he’s non stop busy this year (listed everything out) and he is nervous about how he is going to handle it all.

I texted back and said something along the lines of I know that you got this, you’ve worked so hard, you can do it. And I proceed to end the conversation like you have said to do before…

Haven’t heard anything since but I’m not surprised. Thinking maybe in another week I’ll try it again and see what happens.

Any thoughts?
admin

September 19, 2013 at 1:44 am

Right now that is a good idea. Wait another week and reach out again to see what happens.
Sarah

September 6, 2013 at 4:08 am

I feel like I always am messing this up
admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:39 am

And you can’t think that way. You are doing the best you can and that is all anyone can do.
Sarah

September 6, 2013 at 4:06 am

Before i got your response I did. .. :/ he said thank you and I left it at that.i figure it’s best to go back to the no contact.
admin

September 7, 2013 at 1:39 am

Yea best to go back into NC.
Sarah

September 5, 2013 at 1:21 am

you confuse the two things I was saying. I meant to say that is it okay for me to text him happy birthday tomorrow. I just meant if I could get clarification on the break up in general. Well online if you can kind of understand what was going on compare to me just being out in the Dark, not my ex
admin

September 6, 2013 at 1:39 am

Sorry I read it wrong forgive me :(. I wouldn’t contact him on his birthday.
Sarah

September 3, 2013 at 4:57 pm

Is there anything specific in this birthday text I should send to open up the flow of communication if he is interested. And is there any way to tell if he regrets how he broke up with me or if it’sa regret for ending the relationship
admin

September 4, 2013 at 2:19 am

TBH I think you should do it a little after his birthday b/c personally speaking I wouldn’t be in the mood to talk about getting back with an ex on my birthday.
Sarah

September 2, 2013 at 3:57 am

Haha we can trade and see how it goes on both of our ends. 🙂 I just hope this all works out
Sarah

September 1, 2013 at 2:17 pm

I think I read the right one regarding the abet and everything. So pretty much with him expressing this anger and him ignoring me at parties and trying to avoid me and being banned from his apartment he is struggling with this breakup, which I think was made clear in this random text he sent a few days ago regarding he likes me and doesn’t hate me but needs space and is uncomfortable around me. To say the least guys are confusing creatures. .. any continual recommendations? Also his birthday is the 5th. Would it be alright to text him happy birthday? No contact has been done for a month
admin

September 2, 2013 at 2:26 am

Funny, I think the same thing about women.

I wish I could give you my brain for a day so you would like understand everythng you are wondering hahaha.

I think you can text him happy birthday sure.
Sarah

August 31, 2013 at 5:24 pm

It makes me sad and is unfair though. Could you give me insight into why he is acting in these ways?
admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:39 am

You’ve read my understanding men post right?
Sarah

August 31, 2013 at 6:40 am

It’s him and four other people paying for the apartment.
admin

September 1, 2013 at 4:12 am

So, would I be right in assuming that he has no right to kick you out?
Sarah

August 30, 2013 at 2:32 am

I don’t condone any of his actions, but I do feel bad for him. There is something more going on with him regarding all of this that he has to deal with, and as he said he needs his space, needs to figure that out for his own. I’m going to continue to enjoy myself and keep busy, but if and when he is ready to talk and communicate, I’ll be there. I think that (and I’d like your opinion on this) this is the best option
admin

August 31, 2013 at 2:04 am

Absolutely, I think that is the smartest way to approach the situation!
Sarah

August 29, 2013 at 7:48 pm

He randomly texted me today and said he isn’t mad at me and doesn’t hate me and likes me but he doesn’t want to see me and doesn’t want me at the apartment because it makes him feel uncomfortable….. And with this I don’t know what to say let alone respond. I feel this is so unfair because he wanted this breakup but then why does he get to be the one to call the shots
admin

August 31, 2013 at 1:54 am

It is completely unfair. Is he the one paying for the apartment though?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 4:03 am

Man, he sounds really messed up and hurt to me. Even I feel bad for him now.
Sarah

August 28, 2013 at 6:21 pm

I love him and I miss him and even though I don’t condone how he is acting, I’m worried and concerned.. I just don’t know what is best for now.. Any advice regarding all of this?
admin

August 29, 2013 at 4:03 am

You are still in NC right? If so, stay the course. You can check on him after it is all over.
Sarah

August 2, 2013 at 2:58 pm

Did you want to me to try a flirty text in a week or so or just not bother with it? i’m confused by him not responding, since he was the one hitting me up multiple times throughout this month, and now i text him and he doesn’t want to talk…
Sarah

August 4, 2013 at 4:05 pm

That sounds good. Should I try texting him in a similar manner? He never texted me back.
Here’s an overall update as well:
And turns out he was staying here; he went back into the city after he moved his first few items into the apartment. He will be back in about two weeks, which was what I had original thought.
admin

August 3, 2013 at 3:07 am

Hahaha ok, so hes getting back at you by not responding eh.

It’s cool. He will get over it eventually. Try again in a week if he doesn’t respond.
Sarah

August 1, 2013 at 7:34 pm

though me not texting him wouldn’t receive a response either 😛
Sarah

August 8, 2013 at 7:35 pm

Ya that is exactly how i feel and I believe he wouldn’t think this way or be dating all this for nothing. If it was nothing he would not care at all. I Dos finds out He apparently he doesn’t want me in his apartment because he thinks me and that guy area thing. but his roommates in all friends with and they were already like yeah you know she’s going to be here. .. so that is all of our currently.we will see how it goes once He is moved in. I still feel he is pissed about me saying don’t contact way back cause I don’t know why he would or odd nowhere Be acting like this. I’ll pry send that text in the next day if you think that one was good regarding football
Sarah

August 16, 2013 at 11:48 am

alright, good to know so, a girl came to me for no reason to lie to me, and she told me that her best friend had slept with him spring semester. She doesn’t know if it was a one time to take work off happened multiple times, or if there are other people involved. I was so upset, and but I stay calm and I asked him if you could be honest with me and if you could tell me if this is true. He denied it and then got off the phone. And texted him a few hours later apologizing for blindsiding him with this, and inform him that this was something that had just literally been told. I told him I would like some clarification on the whole situation, and others. He text me back this morning, and said that he wanted to know specifically why we should talk about. We have a meeting.
Sarah

August 15, 2013 at 5:12 pm

do you think that’s wise, esp since he hasn’t texted me back the three sepereate times i’ve tried
admin

August 16, 2013 at 2:31 am

Worth another shot.
Sarah

August 14, 2013 at 2:03 am

UPDATE:

So another interesting predictiment. He still isn’t back from Chicago so nothing has changed there, BUT his phone broke and now all of his contacts are gone… So this leave me in an interesting position regarding texting me and everything… Any thoughts?
admin

August 15, 2013 at 2:10 am

I guess you could text him and let him know who you are.
Sarah

August 9, 2013 at 6:48 pm

texted him; guess we will see what happens. either way he will be back in el in less than a week
Sarah

August 9, 2013 at 5:41 am

I think that’s why I’m nervous to text him right now when he appears to be so mad at me
admin

August 10, 2013 at 2:39 am

I always say don’t do anything unless you are 100% comfortable with it. Trust your gut.
Sarah

August 7, 2013 at 2:21 pm

Yeah I would love to run that by you. The hard part now is like mhm what to say haha, esp since I’ve contacted him three times with no response (which we’ve already talekd a lot about.

I looked over the texting rules you have; i feel like something too memorable (like walking by the river where we first really got to know each other and had our first kiss) might be too painful for him to hear right now and could be a negative effect.

So I think I’m going to go with this really good Korean restaurant that we tried out together and would always go to:

“I went to that Korean restuarant we would go to the other day; I forgot the seats are made of toliets lol. It made me think of you for the first time in awhile and made me smile”
Sarah

September 9, 2013 at 3:57 pm

this is all honestly so scary to me.. just the complete unknown. there is so much on the line here for this person i care so much about and i hope he is ok :/ i found out he is still asking people how i am doing, as recently as this past week, which i found interesting and wasn’t expecting.
admin

September 9, 2013 at 7:57 pm

I hear you Sarah, it’s ok though. Try to bring things down a level so you can concentrate on what matters.
Sarah

August 9, 2013 at 9:50 pm

There wasn’t and hasn’t been any response; I honestly wonder if when I told him to leave me alone he blocked my number, which is entirely posible.
admin

August 10, 2013 at 3:14 am

Take a deep breath. If he hasn’t responded then that just means he needs more time.
Sarah

August 8, 2013 at 4:39 am

Kinda something along the lines of

“I’m so hyped for football this year!tailgating will be so sweet. Thinking of the season reminded me of how we went to that first game together and it made me smile”
admin

August 9, 2013 at 4:08 am

Yes, I think that will work!
Sarah

August 8, 2013 at 2:26 am

No but we did go to a few footballs games together (that doesn’t start for another month though). i could mention how it is gearing up soon and talk about the games/how we would tailgate or something like that.

And yea I of course realize that yeah that would sound silly; at the Korean restaurant also had a lot of funny college student pictures and we always planned on getting one together but it never happened.
admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:39 am

Maybe work football in somehow. Just don’t compare him to toilets 😉
admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:08 am

Ummm I would not send that text.

You thinking of toilets reminds you of him? Hahahah no no no.

Did you ever see a baseball game together?
Sarah

August 5, 2013 at 5:54 pm

let me update you on what has happened recently; so i found out he is literally calling and texting everyone trying to find up on what i’m doing. and he’s all pissed apparently because he thinks i’ve been messing with one of his guy friends since we broke up (me and his friend sean are just good friends and he has been there for me since the relationship ended, and nothing has nor will ever happen there).

this jealousy he is showing is insane o.o
Sarah

August 7, 2013 at 5:56 pm

I think what scares me is because we STILL haven’t seen each other yet and he has ignored the other times I ‘ve tried texting him. I do regret telling him to please not contact me because I feel as though even though I have initiated contact, this is why I haven’t heard anything from him, or at least part of the reason.
Even though I’m hearing these things from other people (jealousy, the fact he wants to be with me), I’m finding it hard to believe because these things aren’t coming from him, and I’m forced to think…where am I even at with all of this
admin

August 8, 2013 at 2:25 am

I understand your feelings perfectly. You crave the validation that this step you are taking is paying off somewhat right?

However, if he is jealous that is something that is really good.
Sarah

August 6, 2013 at 5:37 pm

To say the least it is, I wasn’t expecting any of those responses at all…. I do still want to be with him and miss him; should I still text him this week or should I hold off?

Also, one of his good friends the night before that was asking me about him; kept calling him my man and stuff even though he knows we are broken up. His friend never has wanted to get involved before and he brought my ex up; saying he misses me and really cares about me. he said he is not surprised at all & then proceeded to ask me what my thoughts were on it. I was so confused by this because these were things he would never ask me normally; meaning my ex probably told me.

He will be back for good the 12/14th
admin

August 7, 2013 at 3:05 am

I say you should text him! I think it is time. What do you want to text him. You can run it by me if you want.
admin

August 6, 2013 at 3:28 am

Kinda cool that he cares that much about you though isn’t it?
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:36 am

Wow, you are doing GREAT Sarah.

I say contact him when the NC is over with.
Sarah

September 7, 2013 at 3:28 am

I appreciate your positive thoughts and I hope for the same…I really really do.I feel like he needs a lot of time and space so I guess just waiting and seeing what happens.no moves should necessarily be done unless they come from his end
admin

September 7, 2013 at 11:48 pm

Well, then lets give him time.
Sarah

July 28, 2013 at 10:34 pm

i did contact him today, offically the end of no contact its been thirty days exactly and i told him that i hope he is doing well and when he gets back to school if he’d like we can catch up and talk about things.

no response but i’m not surprised by that, he was pry blown away i even texted him to begin with.

what should i do at this point?
Sarah

August 1, 2013 at 7:33 pm

I’m afraid he won’t text me back again which will make us seeing each other this weekend even more awkward and will make me nervous about seeing him. I’m also nervous about a negative response. it scares me because (while i know he text back because as you said it was pushing too much and it was after me ignoring him and me telling him to leave me alone for a month), of the rejection aspect or putting myself in a situation where he literally doesn’t want to speak to me ever.
Sarah

August 1, 2013 at 6:58 am

that was the thing. he was the guy who chased me haha and got me to fall in love with him and he worked to get me interested and to ask me to be his girlfriend. i’m very independent and not afraid to speak my mind but i was just being me, lol, nothing different.
as for the text, i think that’s where i’m stuck because i just dont know what to say and i’m not certain about how to handle this text
admin

August 1, 2013 at 7:01 pm

What are some of your concerns with the text? Lets air those out.
Sarah

August 1, 2013 at 1:28 am

i’m asking because i don’t want it to be too much; i’m the one he broke up with and im worried to honestly flirt too much or what is even my limit. coudl you please give me an example of what is appropriate at this time
admin

August 1, 2013 at 5:36 am

Give me your definition of flirting too much and I can tell you if it is too much or not. Haha. It is literally one in the morning here and I am so brain fried that I don’t think I could give it my all on an example for you right now.
Sarah

July 31, 2013 at 4:27 am

what are your suggestions for how i could make it more interesting
admin

August 1, 2013 at 5:01 am

Think back to the girl who he fell in love with. Try to be that girl again.
Sarah

July 30, 2013 at 5:46 pm

what do you recommend i text? i do feel discouraged because i never did hear from him; doesn’t help when friends are just telling me it’s not even worth trying. but i feel in my heart i need to do this, i owe myself that at least.

i was thinking something a long the lines of:
“i was just watching (TV show that we always watched together) and I hope you’ve been following it, the plot has gotten so crazy!”
admin

July 31, 2013 at 2:05 am

Hmm…

I think maybe that could work. I would spice it up a little more. Thats kind of boring. Remember, this text has to be so interesting he can’t not respond.
Sarah

July 30, 2013 at 2:23 am

how much time do you recommend i wait, esp if i’m going to be seeing him this weekend (we will both be at our friends party)
admin

July 30, 2013 at 2:30 am

3 days!
Sarah

July 29, 2013 at 6:24 am

I thought that would be the right move to open communication up whenever he feels he would be ready for it; how do i fix that situation
Sarah

July 29, 2013 at 6:21 am

How would you recommend I contact him and what should i say to him?
he will be back in the area by thursday and i know i’ll pry be running into him at a party
admin

July 30, 2013 at 1:36 am

Do it by text message and you can use the methods I outline on this page.
admin

July 29, 2013 at 3:46 am

I don’t think you contacted him the correct way. You went for the home run right off the bat.

Um… no worries. What you can do is wait a little longer before you reach out again b/c if he isn’t responding he needs more time clearly.
Sarah

July 28, 2013 at 1:23 am

I forgot to mention I had given in and texted him a short response, nothing to break it. Then he texted me the very next day and I asked for space
admin

July 28, 2013 at 4:37 am

Your ok!
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:26 am

Whats the communication situation like now? I can’t remember, I see so many stories every day.
Sarah

July 11, 2013 at 12:59 am

I am ten days strong of not communicating. He texted me on Sunday asking how I was doing, and it took everything in me to not respond.
admin

July 11, 2013 at 2:30 am

Sounds like a good strong case of the no contact rule to me.
Sarah

July 12, 2013 at 11:36 pm

so it’s normal to have not heard anything still since sunday? I’m sorry for bothering you so much. I know logically that this hasn’t been a long time that we have ben broken up (week and a half), but in the same aspect it does feel as though it’s been so long 🙁 I hate this. But I have not contacted.
admin

July 13, 2013 at 2:20 am

On the contrary, immediately after a breakup it seems like time slows down doesn’t it? I would say it is normal. It might even be normal if you don’t hear from him at all during NC. It just varies from guy to guy.

Lisa

July 9, 2013 at 5:05 am

I don’t want to go into the whole long story..but bottom line is I have been doing no contact and he has emailed and phoned and I have ignored….now I know for a fact he is PISSED ..big time…he has written some things on his profile that I know were meant for me to see…what do I do??? I am panicked he will just say for get it..if she is going to ignore me why bother..or just keep it up and let him work through it on his own…

Lisa

July 9, 2013 at 10:06 pm

..Oh just want to add that the things he is writing is definitely to provoke me into contacting him…desperately…he is so mad he is spelling every word wrong and it seems like ranting..I can almost see him pacing the floor like an animal..he has a bad temper and this no contact is pushing all the buttons !!
admin

July 9, 2013 at 11:04 pm

Well, if you think it is time to reach out b/c he is raging like an animal I say go for it! However, realize that there is a certain risk of moving forward ahead of time. It’s kinda cool though that you are in control here isn’t it? Take a step back and realize that this is progress!
Lisa

July 9, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Yes..it is awesome to feel in control and have the tables turned !! I want to stick it out for the 30 days at least…but I am just amazed at the intensity of his reaction..he usually plays it so cool and in control..he never lets you in on his emotions ( he is a semi-pro poker player) so he has the poker face down pat..but this is blowing his mind!! I really just wanted to verify that anger is a definite emotion that occurs with this “no contact” method…in his case I think he is using it to cover his hurt at being rejected in his attempts to contact me….wow..how the mighty have fallen. 🙂
Lisa

July 11, 2013 at 4:02 am

Wow..just wow..this is hard to believe..but I have a profile up on Match.com…and my ex is the only one who knows about it and today I get an email from Match.com customer service questioning my status to stay on the site….because someone has contacted them and told them I am married!! I’m not married!! I think it’s him trying to get me thrown off the site!! Can you say psycho ? I think this NC has him losing his mind!!!
admin

July 12, 2013 at 2:03 am

Awesome, The no contact rule is just awesome.

I mean, it’s not cool that he did that but it’s kind of cool to see him lose his mind!
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:42 am

Hahaha well, I am a guy and if a girl did this to me, even though I know everything there is to know about the No Contact Rule, I would still get unbelievably angry. That is how effective it can be.

Ashie-b

July 9, 2013 at 1:17 am

I sorta lived with my boyfriend so a lot of my stuff is at his house…a piece of furniture, my guitar, my laptop etc…..he’s not contacting me to come get my stuff yet (nor did he suggest I get it the day we broke up) so do i do without these things for 30 days (seems to me this might look like I’m certain he’s going to take me back) or do I go over there and get it being really nice and quiet acting like I accept that the relationship is over? Or do I wait for him to contact me about the stuff? It’s only been 3 days since we broke up and we’ve had no contact. So what do you suggest I do? Thanks so much for your help!

admin

July 9, 2013 at 3:06 am

Go get your stuff. Text him and say hey can I have my stuff back. Make sure you keep your interaction with him in person light and simple and then continue on the NC.
Ashie-b

July 9, 2013 at 4:01 am

Thanks for the reply! Okay…I’ll do that tomorrow after work. The NC for 30 days is gonna be hard because his birthday will fall on day 14 of the NC….it’s kinda hard to ignore someone on their birthday if they text you 🙁 ….Even if they are 36 and birthdays aren’t that big anymore…and he’s a quiet military guy so he has no family or friends around to celebrate with him. Okay okay, I know what you’ll say…that’s his problem and he shouldn’t have broken up with me and maybe next year he won’t be alone if he plays his cards right.
admin

July 9, 2013 at 4:50 am

I am a big fan of doing the exact opposite of what your ex expects you to do. Most people do the normal stuff but the few that do the opposite tend to have better results.

He is probably expecting a “happy birthday” text so by not sending it to him he will probably think WTF and start to worry which is right where you want him!

Jane

July 9, 2013 at 12:34 am

Hi! can you post about what your ex’s been thinking during the NC days? i’m just curious.. coz it’s working for me, he kept calling me for 3 consecutive days now, but still i’m not answering my phone. hehe 🙂

admin

July 9, 2013 at 1:47 am

AWESOME Jane!

Here is what he is probably thinking: he is freaking out because he lost control. Also, the fact that you didn’t pick up is going to make it awesome when your NC period is over and he finally sees that text from you!
Jane

July 9, 2013 at 12:43 pm

wow! i’ll keep my fingers crossed! hehe.. thank you so much! 🙂

Dani

July 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm

Hi! I was browsing around, and found this site, and I’m really glad I did. I’m REALLY hoping you could help me here, & I apologize in advance if this is some what lengthy. So okay, my boyfriend & I got together my senior year of high school, which was his freshman yr of high school. (I’m two & a half yrs older than him). During our relationship, things were rly tough bc although we saw each other every single day at school, my friends nor family were too fond of the idea of us being together bc of the age difference & the fact that I was leaving for college soon. While we together, we tried not to allow the opinions of others negatively affect our relationship. I can honestly say that he fell HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE with me. Seriously. He devoted ALL his time, energy, & attention to me & our relationship. About midway into our relationship, I made the biggest mistake & told him that I wanted to talk to other guys; not date them, just talk to them. This hurt him soo much, but he ended up staying with me after we broke up for abt 10 min. So our relationship continued. I think we actually grew stronger; however, it was time for me to go off to college abt an hr & a half away. Abt 3 months of me being in college, we were still together; however, we were no longer talking as much. He texted me ALL DAY EVERYDAY, but as I began to meet new ppl (guys in particular) I began to give them a lot of my time & attention, & just casually push my bf to the side. One guy in particular, I began to get VERY CLOSE to. I truly believe that I became infatuated with this guy. I felt things with him that I did not feel with my boyfriend, or any other guy for that matter. Everything in me DID NOT want to tell my boyfriend abt him bc I KNEW how much it would hurt him. So I did not. Finally, in October, I broke up with my boyfriend. I realized that I was literally not at that level of commitment with him as he was with me. I loved him SO MUCH; however, I was not in love with him. I knew I wasn’t. I told him that I needed time to figure out what I truly wanted, but for right now, Iknew that I did NOT want to be in a committed relationship. Even then, he STILL wanted to take me back, like the same day I broke up with him. I said I couldn’t do it bc I was tired of disappointing him & feeling guilty for enjoying college life (going out a lot, meeting new ppl, etc), While he was insanely miserable missing me in high school. Nevertheless, he continued to talk to me EVERYDAY, but I found myself still not treating him right. I never really texted him all the time, & I NEVER texted first; so if he did not text me first, then most likely we did not talk at all. Things got really bad to the point where he literally blamed me for our breakup. He tried to make me feel extremely guilty for living my life. But I felt guilty bc Iknew that I was wrong. Anyways, come Thanksgiving break, I came home, & he talked me into getting back with him. Iknew I wasn’t sure abt it, but he made me feel so good & was still the same sweet, affectionate, caring, guy who treated me like his one & only. We got back together on Skype, but needless to say, when school started back, I ended the relationship again bc the other guy & I connected on a new level. He and I NEVER got into a real relationship though. It was this on again/off again casual, yet secretly messing around with one another type thing. Anyways, summertime is almost here, & my ex boyfriend & I are still talking. However, I was not feeling the same things he were. I think I never truly did. So I finally told him abt the guy in college, bc he was relentless in asking. He wanted me to share details abt what we did, but I refused bc Iknew it would hurt him even more. (Like why ask something that’s only gonna hurt you in the end?) Anyways, I went as far to tell him that he needed to move on with his life, bc I wasn’t sure that I could be with him like he wanted to be with me. Nonetheless, he kept on trying to win me over with any & everything. He still loved me/was madly in love with me. My problem was that I could resist him until he & I met in person or talked over Skype. That’s when I threw all logic out the window & allowed my emotions to controll my actions. Well summer is here, we still talk EVERYDAY, but things actually got worse as we were broken up. According to him, I kept pushing him away, never showing my true feelings, pushing him over the edge. It’s gotten to the point to where now he’s actually trying to move on from me. A few days ago, he told me that he started dating this girl; she kept asking him out (as he did with me), & he finally told her yes bc he actually does like her, & he felt as if she is the best way for him to move on from me. He & this girl are dating while he & I still talk. (He chose talking to me over talking to her last night). Although I tried SO HARD to not allow my emotions to get the best of me, I couldn’t. It hit me HARD whenever he told me abt he & this girl. Like I tried so hard not to to be jealous, but it’s killing me. The thought of him being with another girl kills me. & Now that I see how happy he’s becoming, (I think) I want him back. However, (& call me cruel, but I had to come to the truth) I do not necessarily want to be in a relationship with him again right now. I just don’t want him EVER being with another girl other than myself. Like how selfish & crazy is that?! I expect him to sit around waiting for me to finally come around while I live my life. Who do I think I am trying to get someone back who I truly don’t wanna be in a relationship with, just bc I don’t want him being happy with someone else? That’s wrong & possessive of me.. So I tried not to let my emotions show, but he sees that it’s bothering me, the fact that he’s with someone else to try to move on from me. The thing is, whenever we were together, he told me these strong things like even if we broke up, he doesn’t think he could ever move on, nor would he try to invest his time & energy into someone else bc he put EVERYTHING he had into me & our relationship. But now he’s telling me things like I shattered his heart & pushed him to the edge to where he has to try to move on from me. It’s disappointing. I did not realize how much I really hurt him until I see him now trying to move on. He says he’s sorry for putting me through all this relationship drama, but I told him not to apologize bc he is not truly sorry for getting with this girl. He just felt like he had to. She’s a nice girl (who actually just got out of a bad relationship herself), tells him she in love with him after only knowing him for a month, according to him. That’s crazy! (It took me months to tell him I loved him). Although he still tells me he loves me & wants to be with me, he told me over Skype that he’s not ready to get back with me bc I hurt him so much. Like he’s truly afraid to be with me again bc he does not want to experience that heart break again. I can understand that in every way; however, I am having a hard time accepting it bc I know that I’m the love of his life; the FIRST girl he ever fell madly in love with. But, he’s with someone else, & I just can’t accept that. He actually tells me that he wants to really still be close & be friends, but in all honesty, I just cannot be his friend right now. At least not a good one. He tells me that maybe I should try to move on as well to help me; that if we’re meant to be, we’ll work out in the end. & I use to tell him that same stuff, but I never truly believed it. I never truly wanted him to move in from me. I just wanted a little space from him, & I got it. But now, I want him to come crawling back to me like he’s always done. He asks me what makes me think things will be any different than they were whenever I went to college. How does he know I won’t do those same things again & wind up hurting him again. & I can fully understand that. I understand that I lost his trust in me & any right to expect him t
o come back to me; but I’m having trouble moving forward without him. Part of me wants to move on from him, but the other part does not bc I really do love him & I can’t imagine my life without him. Sure he had his flaws, but he truly was the best boyfriend a girl could ask for. He never treated me wrong, unlike I did him, & he gave it his all. Then some! To wrap it up, I’m just SO afraid that bc he’s with someone else, he’s gonna fall in love with her like he did with me, & if that happens, I’m over with! I have never been in love with a guy before, & bc I always kept my heart so guarded due to the fear of getting hurt or played, I never truly gave over to him, even though Iknew he wasn’t gonna play me. I’m so scared of rejection, pain, & the “what if”; and that’s all I’ve been experiencing these past few days. I guess the saying is true, “what goes around comes around”. I tried so hard to not get hurt by a guy; ended up horribly hurting one; & now my pride has been hit HARD. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Like I said, I don’t truly believe I’m ready to be in a relationship with him again; however, I can’t stand the fact that he’s with someone else trying to move on. It’s all the small, sweet things he would say & do on a daily basis that assured me how much he loved me & only me. But now, I miss those actions, & I deeply regret taking it for granted when I did. I’ve concluded that I do love him (not in love), but I think I enjoy more the IDEA of having someone love me as such, & put me on a pedestal. Cliche, but I love the idea of love. So I’m asking, what should I do? Try the 30 day NC rule or what? I’m scared that not talking to him for that long will only draw him closer to his current gf, & he’ll either forget me, or no longer wanna talk to me due to my lack of communication. He already thinks I didn’t care about him, so I don’t want the NC rule to further that belief. I do care abt him, but I admit that I’m selfish & immature. That’s why I WANT to do the NC, I’m just so scared. So what do I do? Again, REALLY REALLY sorry for the length, but I had to express this. You’re the first person I’ve ever spoke with abt this, & I really need your help. Thank you so much in advance for your time and consideration 🙂

admin

July 9, 2013 at 2:54 am

Dani, thats a pretty name.

I actually used to have a crush on a girl named Dani.

Anyways, yes that was very long (I got curious to see just how long so I put it in a word counter lol 2,104 words) I can tell you are super upset about this. It feels nice to get it out though doesn’t it!

I am going to do my best to help you as much as I can. Notice how when you went away from your ex and met that other guy he went crazy. You were in control and you loved the attention you were getting but now the tables have flipped.

Your ex is very used to talking to you on a daily basis so I really do think the NC rule will be super beneficial for you. I wouldn’t even worry about the other girl. You have so much over her it’s ridiculous. You are his first love (ever guy remembers) plus you were the one that got away. After 30 days and its really important that you don’t respond to anything he says. After 30 days you can try reaching out with the texts on this page and I think the responses you get will be electric!
Dani

July 10, 2013 at 1:15 am

Haha, that’s really cool to know, & Lol! I was thinking it was at least 5 or 6,000 words. Again, soooo sorry for that! But thanks for the great advice; this actually just made my day. & Now that I know for sure I should go into the 30 day NC, I will apply it. It’s a struggle on the inside, since I’m so accustomed to talking to him everyday; but I trust & believe that you know what you’re talking abt. Hopefully during this process, I will take the time to discover what truly makes me happy & not the temporary feelings. I really hope this all works out well! Thanks so much for your help! 🙂
admin

July 10, 2013 at 2:35 am

I hope it works out for you Dani, keep us updated!
Dani

July 11, 2013 at 3:51 am

Thanks! I most definitely will!

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