The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Mia

July 1, 2013 at 4:16 pm

This is really great advice. I think this would work in many cases.

But what if the relationship was unique? I had dated a guy for several years (7 years to be exact). Never the less, he broke up with me, and to say the least, I’m glad it’s over.

So I started to date someone else eventually…(9 months later). My best friend, who is also my ex’s cousin. Their family is very close, and obviously when I started to date his cousin, bridges were burned between the two. I fell head over heals for his cousin. I loved him, and he loved me. Everything has been good for almost a year. But, his extended family hates me and my boyfriend (now) lost my ex as a friend.

We had huge fight over the weekend and now the love of my life left me because “I’m too much to handle.” I’m heartbroken and I am scared that if I don’t communicate with him, I will lose him all together because his cousins will convince him, especially my ex.

I loved my boyfriend, I was so happy with him. I just feel so hopeless.

admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:21 am

Hi Mia,

So, the feedback you got was that you were “too much to handle” he is clearly trying to tell you something here. Basically, he is getting stressed out from the fights or drama. That means that during your NC period you really need to work on figuring out if the two of you are really meant to be together. If you decide you are then you need to figure out how you can kill all the fights and drama and have the happy relationship you had at the beginning.

kelly

July 1, 2013 at 1:54 pm

what if they are with someone else and they say they are happy what do you do then? it hurts but is there a moment to give up?

admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:18 am

Really, the only thing you can do is wait and work on yourself. As for giving up, that is a decision that is totally up to you. I was working with a woman who saw a bad side of her ex and was completely turned off. She wanted him back but after seeing this certain side of him she determined that he wasn’t for her. She basically lost interest.

Nichole

June 30, 2013 at 3:13 pm

I really enjoyed reading over this ex boyfriend relationship guide. My boyfriend and I dated for almost 15 months before just recently breaking up (3 days ago). At the beginning of our relationship, I honestly wouldn’t give him the time of day. He fought and fought for my attention for about 2 weeks until I finally agreed to go on a date with him. Our relationship grew and we had a lot of fun together. Like a lot of relationships we went through some pretty bad fights, but always worked through them in the end. We both had things to work on and neither of us really did. About three months back he brought up the idea of breaking up because I did not appreciate him enough and was selfish in a lot of ways. I thought about it and realized that he was definitely right, and told him that I would try and work on my flaws if he would be willing to work on his. It worked for about 2 months, until I started going back to my selfish ways. I was never mean, nasty, abusive, or cheated on my boyfriend.. but I did make some promises that I didn’t keep and was some what selfish. We fought again twice after those two months, but again worked through the two fights. A week ago my boyfriend brought up going our separate ways again. For some reason, I realized that he was serious this time, so again I asked if he’d be willing to really put 100% effort into it and see where it goes. He agreed and we probably had the best week of our entire relationship (since the beginning at least). We were both laughing, happy, doing things we both loved, and in my head we were more in love than ever before. Until 3 days ago when he told me that he just didn’t have feelings for me anymore. He told that all of the fighting from the past was just too stressful and made him just lose interest in me altogether even though our fighting had drastically gone down and we were having good times. He said that he still loved me and cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, but that even though his feelings did get a little bit stronger for me this past week, they weren’t all the way there and he didn’t want to drag me on for any longer. Do you think that by implanting this strategy that you’ve outlined that I have a chance of getting my boyfriend back, or do you think it is completely a lost cause. I know there are no guarantees… Is there any other advise that you can give me? I’ve sat down and thought really hard about this the past 3 days and I truly love him and think that he really is the one. Thank you

admin

June 30, 2013 at 10:26 pm

Hi Nichole,

Something that you said really struck a chord with me. Well, something that your ex said: He told me that all of the fighting from the past was just too stressful and made me lose interest altogether.”

As a guy, I have been in a relationship EXACTLY like that so I can definitely relate to him. This is something you definitely need to address if you are going to try to get back together with him.

Think about how both you and he could improve at not fighting as much and as visciously. Or if you are going to fight make sure it is in a healthy way.

I do think this method will work for you but prepare yourself mentally for the possibility that it might not.

janine

June 30, 2013 at 6:36 am

Me and my ex boyfriend met about a year before we start dating. We took things slow. He was in a rush but i wasnt. Ive been hurt and i value myself a lot more than most girls do nowadays. I wanted to make sure that before i put my guard down i wouldnt end up regretting it. But i KNEW i liked him alot. And he was in such a rush because he KNEW he liked me alot. And he was never in a real relationship to have anything to fear. Eventually after a couple dates and getting more familiar we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. We’ve have had our little fights not too many. Where i would get annoyed easily or take something the wrong way but he always knew it was because of that, ignored it then we would laugh about it, it was only about once a month. We grew to love each other, we fell in love with each other we planned our lifes out together and so much more. We were a happy couple. Everyone loved us together. Everyone i knew absolutely loved him even if they didnt know him that well. Hes a gentleman, respectful, always uses manners, good with kids, hardworking. I could go on forever about how much of a great person he is. I would do anything for him he knows that. We practically lived together. Anyways, the past month we had two fights, they were pretty big. They involved me wanting to leave. But i never ever would have left completely. I just wanted reassurance and to be told that he would stay with me how he would before. And for him to know i felt. I know i shouldnt have used me leaving against him, now but he says its too late. The last fight he wanted me to apologize which i always do but when im ready because i actually felt hurt by what was going on, they werent dumb fights to me. We’re both stubborn and hard headed so we both always want to be right. He went out that night and met with old friends and girls he had old flings with and even girls that tried to break us up. I was going to apologize but i figured he was out, let him have fun. I went to his house and apologized that next morning. He said okay its fine, we stayed together and i found out that he was with another girl. He was under the impression that we were broken up. When i brought it up to him he admitted everything we was honest he said sorry and he start spoiling me which he already does but this time it was ten times more than usual. I didnt accept though. I figured he felt guilty and i wasnt going to take advantage. Like i said hes a gentleman everyone was shocked that he even had the guts to do something like that including myself. I kept bringing that girl up because of course it hurts me to know that he could wind up with another girl even if it was only to get his mind off of me. I noticed him changing, not as happy anymore. Everything that he didnt like me doing, i stopped to try and save our relationship (it wasnt anything bad just tried to be nicer than i already was). But everytime we were together he was there physically but not mentally. Before we would love laying down together and holding eachother we’d laugh and have fun even when doing nothing. That all stopped i couldnt make him laugh or even look at me. We broke up im heartbroken. I asked him about two times if he was sure thats what he wanted and he said yes, i told him how sure i was about changing and fixing myself, he didnt want that. He said he doesnt want to hurt me anymore. He keeps hanging out with those other girls and it bugs me but theres not much i can do. I look at his facebook where we puts sad love songs and i know i shouldnt check but its a habit. Should i unfriend him or is that too much? Hes nice to me still but when it comes to relationship talk he becomes someone hes not. I want to know his reasons for it all. Do you think i should have hope? I mean we’re still young in our early twenties maybe he missed having fun im not sure, but i dont mind him going out, even when we were together i allowed him too. He had his freedom. I feel like maybe he listens to what other people might say but im not sure, these are just assumptions. We havent talked. I would be on the no contact part right now.

admin

June 30, 2013 at 10:05 pm

Yea, don’t unfriend him. If you do that you just show him how much his actions are hurting you and he will feel like he has to handle you with kid gloves.

For you, I think the most important thing is that you are young, in your early twenties so really use the NC to find yourself. Try new things that you never thought you would before. It is ok to forget about him for a while and just to focus on you.

I know that sounds really hard to do but if you actually accomplish it, you will find what an amazing effect it will have on your life, and your exes life.

Once, the no contact time is up and you have found yourself, really stick to the texting examples on this page.
janine

July 1, 2013 at 8:54 pm

Okay thank you. And im not doing bad myself, im doing good. Ive learned to be happy without him but honestly it seems like hes sooo much happier without me. Hes gotten so much opportunities. I feel like once the no contact is over and if i try to talk to him hes just going to be an A-hole. I dont want to ruin his happiness. What do you think of it all? I wasn’t the best girlfriend but i tried and i know i wasn’t the worst.
admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:28 am

I think that you should go ahead and try to contact him after NC but handle him with kid gloves for a while. If he is an A-Hole to you when you text then go no contact for a week and try again. I say go for it. You have nothing to lose right and sometimes it is ok to be a little selfish.
janine

June 30, 2013 at 6:40 am

Also forgot his birthday is tomorrow Do i not tell him happy birthday? Id feel so bad. sorry if its so much!!!! I dont feel comfortable telling everyone my relationship problems because many wont know how i feel or what im talking about.
admin

June 30, 2013 at 10:08 pm

I understand you completely, I would say that it is ok to wish him a happy birthday but DO NOT engage him in a conversation just say “Happy Birthday!” and leave it at that.

paige

June 30, 2013 at 5:45 am

Hi so i need some help. my fiance and i were dating for over half a year. i have a difficult life and he does too. we do not have a lot of money. i do not drive and he lived 45 miles away. he would only get to see my one to two times a week or sometimes only one time a month. i moved in with him and then things turned down hill. i lost my job and had no money. he dumped me because i spend to much time on my computer, phone and talking to his family. i really love him and want a second chance what do i do.

paige

July 1, 2013 at 5:44 am

so if he post things on facebook and have people telling me his friends are making shit up and if he messages me should i respond or no? how much space
admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:16 am

I would say not to respond. However, it is a tricky thing for me to gauge because I don’t know enough about him. Do you think he would take offense to you not responding? Again, I think you shouldn’t respond but if you determine that he will take great offense to you not responding you can say something.
paige

July 12, 2013 at 2:40 pm

Okay so I contancted my ex fiance through texting and told him it was my mom. He was very nice and simply told her that he has finally got his life back on track and that he wants to see me have my life back on track. He said he has moved on that that I should too.
Will I ever get him back in my life?
paige

July 14, 2013 at 2:33 pm

How long does it take for a guy to realize that I am the right person for him
admin

July 15, 2013 at 5:34 am

It’s different for every single guy. So, it’s impossible to say.
admin

July 12, 2013 at 7:34 pm

You may get him back in your life, you may never get him back in your life. A part of this is out of your control and you need to accept that.
admin

June 30, 2013 at 10:00 pm

Hi Paige,

First off, I want to say that since you and your ex fiance were engaged the No contact rule will be extra important for you. That means that even if he calls, texts or emails you cannot respond to him. Give it some time and try to become the girl he fell in love with again, if you find that the girl he fell in love with wasn’t really who you were then it might be time to move on and find someone who can love you for YOU.

Neri

June 30, 2013 at 4:48 am

I’m really glad I saw this site. I think I would need advice on my situation So my ex broke up with me around 9 months ago saying he was confused. A few months later I found out he was dating someone and so I got mad and stopped talking to him. But then I did a stupid mistake of sleeping with one of his friends and it became a total chaos and he said that he was already thinking of getting back together again. So another few months went by with no contact and he started talking to me again. At first it was ok but then we fought about what happened and he just wouldn’t give us a try anymore. Then after two months we made up and became friends again. Recently he got a new gf, but then he told me he’s not over me. Obviously i fully supported him with his new relationship and agreed to give him his space. It’s been a week now that we haven’t talked. He still works with the friend I slept with so he sees him all the time and says he still has a lot of anger and that if we were to get back together he would just be grumpier and I’d cry alot and so he doesn’t want to put that load on me. Is it possible that this method would work with him?

admin

June 30, 2013 at 9:58 pm

Will this method work on him?

Maybe.

Remember, this method isn’t guaranteed it is just what I have learned through experts and experience. Now, you committed a cardinal sin, sleeping with his friend. It is not impossible to recover from that situation but you are going to have to do a lot of damage control.

Show him that you have changed and that HE is the only one that matters to you.
Neri

July 1, 2013 at 1:47 am

So i probably shouldn’t use the jealousy card then, right? and what type of damage control? Because we already made up and he still regrets losing me, but he still got into a relationship with another girl.
admin

July 1, 2013 at 3:07 am

Yea, jealousy card isn’t a good idea in this case.

Damage Control- Limit contact with that specific friend, show him that he is the only one you want/care about, etc
Neri

June 30, 2013 at 4:55 am

Just to add on, both of us were so in love with each other we both thought of getting married. That’s why I was so confused why he was confused and had to go and date other girls. We were perfect for each other except for our mistakes caused by this break up. We were together for about 18 months

Sammi

June 29, 2013 at 10:57 pm

Hey,

It’s been about two months since my ex did the slow fade out for a week and then dumped by using “we should take a break” which I miss interpreted.
Because 3 days later that became “didn’t like his personality ” and we should see other people for the time being. I have been pretty miserable without him we dated for 5 months and as short as that sounds I really fell in love with him and we really became best friends. We didn’t fight much besides a couple of little things and infact there wasn’t an event prior that lead up to the breakup. So I was super blindsided. Completely. I literally have lost my BFF my bf I’m crushed. I went NC for a month then contacted him for lunch because I had an old gift that I had for him from a long time ago. Lunch went great, however he made a mention of another girl but not enough for me to know if he dumped me for someone else. though i ignored it. (bring on my best behavior) Then after lunch he offered to pay me for the gift & I made a rude comment saying “you can wear them when you see other people” Didn’t end well. He WAS PISSED but he waited to text me about it. & here we are again… NC for another month.
He hasn’t tried to contact me at all… I really am not sure what I did to him to make him dump me in the first place?
How can I not ruin it this time? Is my situation hopeless?

admin

June 30, 2013 at 9:56 pm

Your situation is hopeless and there are certain things you can do to improve your chances but in the end you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that it may be entirely possible that you won’t be able to get him back.

Once you accept that you can kind of focus on your situation from a logical standpoint.

So, your biggest problem is that immediately after the NC you asked for a date, which you got (YIPEE) However, you didn’t do any relationship repairing before that date. If you had buttered him but and pushed his emotional hotbuttons via texts you may have gotten better results.
Sammi

July 2, 2013 at 12:04 am

Omg! Thanks for responding! I have come to the realization that this is not en easy road and it probably won’t work but, I did want to give it one final shot so I won’t look back with remorse and say I didn’t do everything to get back my love. I am on my last finger hanging off the cliff. I am also in control of my emotions so I think at this point I wouldn’t hinder myself by being overly emotional I’m not sure if age matters but I’m 22 and he’s 26. I know there are no absolutes but can I still push his emotional hot buttons by following the instructions on here?
admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:32 am

You might have to remind me to give it to you though so just keep bugging me.
Sammi

July 16, 2013 at 12:01 am

I’ve been working on buttering him up and we have been friendly towards each other for the past few weeks. Of course I’ve been the one to initiate the contact but he’s been very receptive. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to go out for lunch sometime this week. He said he was busy but he would keep me posted and let me know a date later in the week. Any additional steps or extra advice to NOT blow it? I just want him to remember why we got together in the first place.

And don’t forget about my ebook!!!
admin

July 16, 2013 at 12:21 am

I am working on the eBook but I want it to be really good so I am doing a lot of research.

Umm.. as for asking him out. You might try asking him to go in a group so there is less pressure?
Sammi

July 2, 2013 at 4:05 am

Awww thank you sooo much 🙂 Of course everyone wants your help we really appreciate you helping the broken hearted! Thank you for giving hope to the hopeless romantics! So stoked about the Ebook 🙂 I will absolutely remind you! But if not I can buy a copy for support.
I want to maintain my dignity so I’m a bit aprehensive about contacting him again. And he loves to spin it like his exes are crazy. Maybe he will get over his pride… Or I will get over him. 🙁

Thanks Again! Congrats on hitting record numbers!
admin

July 2, 2013 at 4:31 am

Hahah, thanks Sammi!

I have been on the fence on whether or not to actually write one but I think that if things keep going the way they are going I am going to take like a full month and just write the best ebook in the world and make it cheaper than everything out there! AND YOU WILL BE THE FIRST TO HAVE IT.

If it sucks though make sure you lie to me and tell me it’s the best thing ever 😉
admin

July 2, 2013 at 3:32 am

Hey Sammi,

I do want to apologize if my replies are short. Literally today has been a record day for me with over 30 people contacting me asking for advice and I just respond to them all (eye roll) hahaha!

Being in control of your emotions is key. Though, it is ok to feel really upset if you fail. You are a human being after all and you do clearly want him back. I just don’t want you to become a robot over this. Can you push his emotional hot buttons using the instructions? Yes you can but I admittedly ran out of gas towards the texting part of this monster page so it isn’t my best work. There are so many more things you can do. I am planning on writing an ebook with more complete instructions but it isn’t done yet and probably won’t be for a month. However, after I finish it I will give it to you for free (my treat.) Though, everyone else will have to buy it hahaha.

Miranda

June 29, 2013 at 1:46 am

Hi! I really want to say thanks for this site!. I wonder if I have a chance to get back with my ex. We had a short relationship (3 months), we both told each other that we haven’t had a connection like the one we had. Even when I married to my ex husband. Anyways, I was the one who try to break up with him once and he didn’t let me go. The second and last time we had an argument and I called it off only to reach out to him to get back. He said he couldn’t do out anymore. He needed time to think while he went on vacation. I called, texted and did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. We met up when he got back and officially broke up. But when we hugged to say goodbye we kept on holding hands and kissed multiple times. the whole time he started with leaning towards me and not letting my hand go. we didn’t talk for a few days but I contacted him again. I actually even waited outside the coffee shop he goes one day and we talked. He say he wasn’t sure about things. He needed to find a job ASAP and move. His lease was going to be up in a few months he wanted to talked after he figured his living situation. I called him out of the blue a week after and asked him to make a choice. He said he wants to be friends and that feelings are there and why if things go worse and we end up more distant to each other. That needed time to get a new job, move and go on a family vacation. We didn’t talk for a week until I saw a missed call during work hrs. He didn’t leave a MSG, I decided to call back and he said no, he didn’t call he was on the phone and must have pressed wrong keys. I was ready to hang up as I was sad when he said that.i even said ok well I’m at work , ready to say goodby but he kept on talking, telling about when he’s gonna start his new job, how he’s on a wait list to an apartment complex and how he needed a vacation and money was an issue. He even asked me how my week was?, and other things. I was a little short and he said ok well it was really nice talking to you, thank you for calling back. Said was good to talk to him to and we hung up. I think I might just have a chance. But I’m scare it won’t work. I can always hope but this time I will take things slow and not look so desperate. I was just in so much pain from being away from him.

admin

June 29, 2013 at 3:00 am

Miranda,

It sounds like you and this guy had a pretty deep connection! Because of that I really think that if you play your cards right you can get yourself in a position where you can get him back. Now, I am not going to make any guarantees BUT you have a fighting chance.

It sounds like you have an idea of what to do. Is there any specific things I can help you with?
Miranda

July 1, 2013 at 2:10 am

I do have an specific question. I am really hesitant about the fact that I need to stop contact for 30 days. It can be really hard but it gets better at times and I don’t feel the urge to call.at times only! But, what if he calls. He hasn’t tecnically called yet but how am I going to ignore him. Wouldn’t that push him far really far and might not want to even hear from me when it’s that time to call him. I think he could resent me for not picking up or calling back…what are your thoughts?… And why does the 30 day no contact rule works?… Don’t people move on and just forget about the person?. It’s been a week and I still think of him everyday. I don’t get sad like I used to but he’s always on my mind.i think maybe its different for guys. Also, part of me thinks he will call and the other than he won’t and I will be the one contacting him in 30 days, but was just some FYI.
admin

July 1, 2013 at 3:10 am

Everyone is different. Personally, I am a guy and after a breakup I still think about a girl YEARS after.

The no contact rule works because it gives both parties time to focus on healing and it also allows you to take control of the situation. He is going to be thinking “why hasn’t she tried to get me back yet?” It is amazing what limited contact can do.

Here is what I would say to you Miranda, do your very best to ignore his calls,texts, etc during NC. However, if you feel that it’s not right simply send him a short message and don’t engage him in convo.

Nani

June 28, 2013 at 2:48 pm

Hello. I was looking for some help to get my exboyfriend back and found your website and I thought you could help me cause I’m pretty lost.
Me and my ex broke up a year and a half ago. I was the one that ended it cause we kept fighting all the time and I felt I wasn’t being the best girlfriend with him. I was a bit scared of letting go my feelings and I always had this problem with him cause we don’t live in the same country, so we bearly see each other like for a month and we didn’t spend that much together.
I remember telling him the day we broke up that I needed a break… Deep down I knew I would want to come back again but I just needed a time away from him to become a better girlfriend to him and see what were my mistakes to return with a better version of me. But it didn’t turned around how I thought 🙁 After a month of he brake up I dedicated a song to him ( one and only by Adele) to let him know that I needed that chance to come back cause I still loved him and miss him…. For my bad luck, he did’t accept to be back with me cause he said he was still hurt 🙁 so i said, at least I tried.
But I never lost hope of getting him back. I asked his sister to help me in some way, but nothing. The story is longer than this, but I don’t want to get you bored with that.
Last time I ever texted him, was awful… He didn’t reply my message in days so i wrote him back and he said I couldn’t reply before cause my girlfriend knows abt u and I don’t want any trouble cause I was with her. I was like :O u already have a girlfriend that fast? It took me by surprise cause it didn’t take him that much time to go out with her and a week before he still tells me he thinks abt me and misses me and wants to see me cause he came to my country. For my bad luck he called twice to my cel, but I forgot it at home. When I saw his calls, I went crazy and called him right away apologizing and telling him to meet me later or the next day… That didn’t ever happen 🙁 so I called him again at morning and told him to meet me for a coffee late afternoon and he told me he can’t make it cause he has people to visit. I said ok to myself, I’ll try later, so I did, 3 days after told him I will meet him half the way cause we live one hour away by car from each other, and again he said no, I can’t cause I’ll be with my sisters :$.
The next day he was already gone and back to his country getting back to work. I texted him days later asking him why he rejected my invitations and he said cause I didn’t pick up the phone when he called and that I was still the same careless person and that he didn’t want to see me anymore. So I lost it and began begging him to forgive me but it didn’t work.
Weeks later I find out he’s dating this girl told u abt… She lives in the same country where he lives. U can imagine my face when he told me he has a girlfriend. Again tried to get him back but nothing so I texted him letting him all my feelings for him and he began comparing me with her, that she does things I never did with him. I mean of course! She lives right next to him! He even told me he would make her meet his parents 🙁 this was a surprise for me and all his family, even his sister told me and she doesn’t understand why he’s with her, that she’s not his style at all.
Now that he has a girlfriend, they’ve been together (for what I know, since january, maybe before) how can I get him back? Did I loose any chance with him? Should I give up and move on? He’s coming on summer vacation next week for one week or so. Please help me!!!! Should I text him, call him? Meet him? What do i have to do? Please!!! I need your help 🙁 thanks!

admin

June 29, 2013 at 2:54 am

Hi Nani,

I know your situation is taking a toll on you emotionally so I am going to do my best to help you.

I think your best bet is to send a harmless text his way just to gauge the situation. It can’t hurt right? Anyways, if he responds in a positive way then do your best to hook him into a conversation and eventually suggest a meet up.

If he doesn’t respond positively to your text then don’t take it personally. Simply wait some more time until time has healed his wounds.
Nani

June 30, 2013 at 11:59 am

Hey,

I texted him yesterday, as u adviced me and I got a positive reaction, we even joked a bit and as u suggested on your website, I ended the conversation first.
We didn’t talk much, but he told me he’s coming next week to the same country I live to visit his parents, whom he hasn’t seen in a year. I said to him that I was glad he is going to see his parents and wish him he spend a nice time with them. I did not suggest to meet cause I don’t want to look needy. He did not mention anything abt his girlfriend, but as I know through facebook, they r both coming next week.
What do you suggest me to do next?! Please help!
Thank you!
admin

June 30, 2013 at 10:07 pm

Keep the ball rolling, initiate the conversation, hook him into it and then end it. If you can do this three times successfully then you can move on to the next step which is getting him to feel romantic feelings for you again!
Nani

July 7, 2013 at 12:50 pm

Hello,

I’m afraid I lost here. I asked him out for coffee and he rejected my invitation cause he said textually: “I don’t think it’s appropiate, everything is changed now. I’m getting engaged and as much as I like to have a coffee with u, it’s not right. I hope u undersand”
🙁 I feel so bad right now, I had so many hopes that he would at least accept this invitation, but I guess he doesn’t feel nothing towards me anymore. Please I need your help. Thanks
admin

July 7, 2013 at 5:48 pm

Well, if he is getting engaged to someone else maybe you should think about moving on.
Nani

July 4, 2013 at 12:58 pm

Hi! I got positive answers everytime I texted him and he did not mention his gf at all. He’s coming in 2 days to the same place I live. Should I ask him to meet for a cup of coffee? He’s coming for 2 weeks I think. What do you think?
Thanks!
admin

July 5, 2013 at 3:02 am

I say to trust your gut. If your gut is telling you that now is the time to ask him out then do it. Of course, make sure you hang out with him on your terms only.

Jenny

June 27, 2013 at 11:59 pm

Hey, I cheated on my boyfriend 3 times, due to the reasons you had stated on this site. I never realized how much I loved him and felt unappreciated. Last time we got back together he clearly told me it was the last chance he was giving me but i messed up. I have been apologizing and going crazy, texting him and calling him non stop that he cursed me out and blocked me, and promised he would never take me back this time. I really realized I love him and its been a week I can’t sleep, eat , go out with friends, or do anything besides think about him and cry. Do you you think if I follow this no-contact rule for 30 days, it will work? & I don’t think I should try to make him jealous, since he already doesn’t trust me, and i will have to get his trust back.

admin

June 28, 2013 at 1:20 am

I can’t guarantee that it will work but I think, especially for you, that you need to give him his space and the No Contact Rule will do that. I also agree with you about the jealousy text. Cheating is one of those cases where it’s probably not the best idea.

If anything, you need to show him that HE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS and the other guys out there you will have to ignore for a while.

Lauren

June 27, 2013 at 4:43 pm

Me and my boyfriend of a year broke up last week. He texted me saying he doesn’t feel the same way anymore. He texted me two hours after we hung out and broke up with me. The break up was a total shock. He didn’t even tell his mom we broke up. We’re both going to the same college. We planned that. Anyways I’m wondering what I should do. We haven’t talked since the break up, but we’re meeting at his house on Monday to talk. I would like to get back together but I’m not sure if he does. Any advice?

admin

June 28, 2013 at 1:55 am

Just follow the steps on this page.

You can also check out the case study I just made live (it should be at the top of this page.)

Torrie

June 26, 2013 at 6:33 pm

Hi,

I just read the entire site lol very long but very helpful. My ex broke up with me because I cheated on him and I feel horrible about it. He found out a while ago and was waiting for me to tell him but I didn’t so he finally told me he knew what I did and broke up with me about 2 days ago. I have not spoken to him since after I apologized, told him why I did it (because I had been drinking and felt distant from him prior to cheating). He told me that he wanted to break up and not get back together but he says that he cant speak for the future. We had a great relationship and I messed up, but it is something I would never do again, so I want to start over with him.

I read the page on what to do if you cheated on your boyfriend on this website. My question is, should I keep to the 30 day no contact even if he texts or calls me? Since I cheated I feel like I should respond if he ever does text me, also, I feel like I shouldn’t use the jealousy text message.

I just really want to start fresh with him because we had a great relationship and had fun like best friends. Is there any extra advice you would give to this situation? Have you ever taken back someone who cheated? or would you?

T

admin

June 27, 2013 at 12:53 am

Now that is an interesting question, should you keep the no contact rule even if he calls or texts? My gut tells me that even if you cheated to keep the no contact rule. As hard as it may be it is for HIS own good.

Personally, I would not take back someone who chated. However, I have met and know plenty of people who have thriving relationships AFTER a person cheated. You can recover but for me, it is just a huge turn off. Again though, that is just a personal preference.

Alexis

June 26, 2013 at 7:09 am

Me and my boyfriend were dating not that long but for some time now. We officially got together back in January of this year. Our relationship was really good. Im shy but also wild and funny. He absolutely loved everything about me as i loved everything about him. Eventually we grew really close. We were somewhat all each other had. At the time he was having family problems and I was focused in school. We got comfortable and we fell in love with each other. From there, became inseparable. We didnt go around too much but my family loved him. Me and him did have our alone time or our time apart with friends quite a lot. Our relationship start changing when his family problems were resolved, and im so happy that they were. He start hanging out with them and like i said im shy, so it takes awhile for me to be myself. I never got a real chance to get to know them. Our relationship was still amazing despite the fact that it had changed a little. We start arguing, but over little things no arguments too big and not too often. We broke up and tried to fix it but it seemed like i was doing all the trying while he was avoiding me and trying to have fun with his single friends, its summer, theyre out of college right now. One moment he would try for awhile then stop then try again. He wasnt “sure” then when i reassured him he said he knew sorry, alot was going threw his mind. Then he gave up on me, I don’t know why. He said its just its not the same, he doesnt feel the same anymore about the relationship or Me, He says its too late for me to change (change what? i wasnt disrespectful), he says I realized everything too late and I lost him and unlike me hes not scared to lose me. I appreciated him alot anyone could see that. But it was something different each time he opened his mouth all i could think was excuses. This isnt him he was real sweet ALWAYS the kind of guy to pick you up and have a surprise waiting in the car or in my room. He’s becoming someone else and maybe its just towards me, im not sure. Anyway The break up was three weeks ago and weve had NO contact since. Im in a vocational college where i dont have a vacation so there isnt much i can do right now so i been left wondering. I was also his first girlfriend i was wondering if he wants more or what it could possibly be? From the looks of it he wants other girls attention now because from the first little break up, he was able to get that. I never lied or cheated, nothing like that. We’re both 18. Could he miss attention from other girls? I’m a good person without him, I know i dont need him but we had so much planned out and it all happened so fast. We helped each other we both gave each other that push to do more in life. Hes my best friend its hard to lose someone like this out of no where. We were always happy and laughing together. Not sure if doing this would work. I want to respect his decision without angering him or annoying him but at the same time when are my feelings going to be respected.

Alexis

June 26, 2013 at 8:06 am

Also, say a few 2 the most of those arguments made him feel sad or unappreciated just how he wanted to get him point across so did i. Sometimes we didnt exactly see eye to eye. We both apologized, we got over it, We were happy. I dont get why he would bring it up later though. Ive told him sorry (while trying to fix things) and he knows i am and he told me was that he was sorry in return. I really do love him, hes my first love if i could save it i would.
admin

June 27, 2013 at 12:41 am

Sorry for the short response but I am kind of rushed today.

Try the no contact for 30 days and re-asses.
Alexis

June 29, 2013 at 2:23 am

So im still doing the no contact but i feel like hes really getting over me. He seems like he doesnt even think or care about me. Before the breakup he told me to never change for anyone, not even him, idk what that would mean, & I saw him hanging out with girls that he knows doesnt like me, he respected it when we were together now from the looks of it not at all. Does he not respect me now? He doesnt even seem like the sweet gentleman he once was.
admin

June 29, 2013 at 3:02 am

Well, technically he is no longer dating you so he feels like the chains of having a girlfriend have been lifted and he can hang out with other girls. Now, I will say that sometimes I hang out with girls just to hang out (with no romantic ideas involved.) Was he with a friend when he was hanging out with girls?

I say keep on keeping on with the no contact and try to do your best NOT TO THINK ABOUT HIM. Just use this time to focus on YOU. I know you want him back but you kind of have to prepare yourself mentally in order to get him back.

Court

June 25, 2013 at 7:52 pm

First off, I just want to thank you for the hope this site has given me!
Me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years, lived together for 2, officially ended things last week. I can’t tell you how broken I am. We thought we were perfect for each other and use to tell each other that everyday. He is a band director, and I understand his job is extremely important and time consuming to him, but he didn’t know how to balance his work life and love life. I went weeks without him touching me or giving me a passionate kiss… And he use to always want my kisses; he said they drove him crazy. But he would always “take” things from me, just never return those things unless I started it! We started fighting a lot about it, he even told me he had no reason for not doing those things to me… And he couldn’t understand why I was always angry and depressed. So a week and a half ago, I told him we needed a break, just to miss each other. While I went home with my family, he redecorated our home and didn’t even tell me he was doing it. He tried to talk to me and kid of fix things, but when I walked in our home after a few days, I flipped out and told him I felt like he was glad I was gone. We got in a huge fight and he told me to get out of his home. I have cried so hard everyday since, haven’t eaten barely anything (lost 10 ibs) and absolutely can not sleep! I love this man more than anything, and he always told me that he could never live without me, that he needed me. Now he just says he needs me as a friend and says he doesn’t know the future, but as of right now, he doesn’t think we’ll ever be together again. I have this man everything he ever wanted, moved 3 hours away with him so I could be with him, then relocated to a new place which was still an hour away from my actual home so that I wouldn’t lose him and he wanted me to go. I told him that this has changed me, and it has, and that I never want to fight with him again, but he says he can’t. We have so much in common… We both love band, same sports teams, traveling, just everything. I am about to lose my mind because I don’t want anyone else, and I am so afraid I am never getting him back. He lied to me for a year and a half about how many people he had been with, and I broke up with him for it last April, but he called me all day the next day at work crying, begging me to let him prove to me he would never lie to me again bc he loved me more than anything. I have him the chance to prove himself and now he won’t do the same for me. This just isn’t like him. I have never lied or anything to him. Me as my family have been so good to him. I feel like I’ve lost my heart. I even went to his house and tried to show him that I am willing to do anything, even kissed him… But he said he felt nothing! Even though the kisses use to drive him crazy. I supported him with his job everyday, even when I felt over shadowed. I am really involved in music, how I first saw him and hit it off, and he always wanted my help. I went to every practice, every competition, every contest, every festival, gave up my days off to do things for him and his job, helped him wrote music… I was there when everything seemed like it was falling apart and comforted him… It’s just like all he can do is see all the fights. It makes me feel like I am not good enough, like my everything wasn’t enough… It’s like he took everything he could from me and then I wasn’t fighting for anymore! Please help me!!

admin

June 26, 2013 at 3:51 am

Hi Court,

Glad you found my site useful. It seems to me that you are a little overly emotional right now. Usually that doesn’t mean good things for your ex recovery effort.

Give him his space. Definitely try out the 30 Day No Contact Period.

Also, it is really not healthy not to eat. There is no reason that breaking up with him should cause you to starve yourself. Focus on getting yourself right before you make any sudden moves.
Court

June 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

Do you feel like with all of our history and how amazing things were before he drowned in his job, things may work? I just don’t know what to do. I started the NC rule yesterday, and I have to see him tomorrow for a work thing. Also, when the 30 days is up, I will have to work 2weeks straight with him at a band camp starting 5 days later.
admin

June 27, 2013 at 12:36 am

Play it cool during the work thing. Be pleasant but don’t engage if you don’t have to.

I can’t really tell you if it will work out. I don’t know him very well so I can’t get a gauge on the situation.
Court

June 27, 2013 at 1:07 pm

He’s super nice, always did everything he could for me, always would ask if I needed anything, introduced me as his better half… He just got to where he never showed affection!
Court

June 25, 2013 at 11:43 pm

Correction on last sentence… *then I wasn’t worth fighting for and working things out!*

Chelsy

June 24, 2013 at 3:56 pm

My ex keeps saying he’s happier without the relationship and is less stress and so am I but I still want to get back together in order to show him that things can change and both of our happiness can be for each other while for ourselves at the same time! I’m really worried I am going to loose him I just want to show him I can make things better for a change. With a relationship like ours, sometimes no trust in situations, bickering to each other, fighting over stupid stuff..would a ease back into some sort of relationship work to help him realize things will not be like last time and to just throw away the old relationship and start a new one. I really need advice on what to do I can’t loose him and I want to show him we can make things work and at the end be happy. Please help.

admin

June 25, 2013 at 3:40 am

Haha no offense but the fighting, bickering over stupid things sounds like every real relationship. It is when the fighting and bickering becomes serious that couples run into issues.

I am tempted to say yes, an ease back would work but in my heart I don’t think it will. Usually, if you want to show him that things are changed you have to do something drastic and that means cutting off contact for an allotted period of time.

Ellie

June 24, 2013 at 8:12 am

Please help me, I new to this whole relationship thing, but i had my first boyfriend who also eventually became my first love and my first heartbreak. (Im 17) We grew close after we knew each other through a camp from school, and we starting texting frequently and eventually he confessed to having feelings for me and that he fell in love with me, and asked me to be his girlfriend. I rejected saying it was all too fast for me, as it has only been a month or so that he broke up with his ex girlfriend then, i feel he needed time to think carefully, after all they been together for close to 3 years.
He once told me that he lost feelings for his ex 2 months before the official breakup after finding out she cheated on him. Despite so, he tried to revive their relationship but to no avail. Eventually, he decided to break up with her and after a couple of weeks he realized he has developed feelings for me.
Even after i rejected his first confession, we still remain very close, he still continue to pursue me. I was skeptical about relationships thinking no one in the right mind will pick me, but he completely changed my mentality. He made me brave enough to give love a chance, we even talked about a future together. So even though we technically aren’t a couple, but we behave like one.
This relationship of us went on for like 5 months plus. Then about 2 weeks ago, we had a “fight” its not really a real fight, cause its due to misunderstanding and the stress from school on my part. He was disappointed cause i didn’t text him first. Then he said the way we were fighting was exactly like how it was when he was with his ex. He started saying i’m behaving like his ex. I was completely speechless and gotten mad and wanted to talk it out with him face to face, (our argument happen through text)but he said he doesn’t have the mood. The funny thing was that he said he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend on that very same day

After about 5 days of me trying to work it out and convince him to give us another shot, he told me to give up. He said his feelings aren’t right anymore, and that the fact we were similar to his past scares him, he doesn’t believe in us, and see that we are doom to fail. So even though he still say he has feelings for me, he said they aren’t as strong as before, and he just wasn’t as attracted to me as he was then.
So now our relationship is a little awkward right now, as we agreed to be friends but we aren’t texting like we used to.
I found out that he keeps texting this other girl though, texting her as much as he did to me in the past. He has many close female friends, but i didn’t let it bother me. But this particular girl, since we were together he was already texting her, but not as much as he text me. She was really supportive of our relationship too. But he mentioned to me a few days ago, he has someone special in his life now, i’m guessing its probably her.

So i wanna ask is, was i just a replacement for his ex? (Despite the fact he once told me, i’m nothing like her, and so much better to him then she was.) And am i getting replaced too?
The pathetic thing is that, after all i knew about him, what a coward he is for letting his past cloud his judgment and insist that we wont work out based on one fight, ignoring the fact that we enjoyed every moment together before that, (I would like to think those were the happiest moments of our lives so far), i still love him, still want to work this out. But do you think its worth it? I can see my spot in his heart is becoming insignificant, and i want to change that. Return back to our happy past.
Im troubled in what i should do. I do know if i should give up or fight on. But the way he treats me makes me want to give up.
Was he playing with my feelings? Making me fall in love with him and dump me after that.
Some advice from you will be great

admin

June 25, 2013 at 3:26 am

Hi Ellie,

I don’t do this often but I actually want to advise you to move on from this guy. It sounds to me that even though you are pretty young (17) you are very mature for your age, at least when it comes to relationships. On behalf of all men I want to apologize for the way you were treated.

I mean seriously, he gets in a fight with you because YOU didn’t text him first. That is the most ridiculous thing I think I have ever heard. Look, the problems and emotional heartache you are feeling aren’t your fault. THEY ARE HIS. He has the issues not you.

What I think would be the best “play” for you is to really try out the No Contact Rule (30 days of not talking to him once.) You may find that he even comes back to you after doing this but take this time to focus on what matters and that is YOU.

Personally, I think you deserve better than him.

However, I don’t think he was playing with your feelings. I just think he is a little immature and has a short attention span. So, he can feel one way a certain day and then the next feel completely different. It has nothing to do with you, it’s just the fact that he is immature, but time and maturity will fix this issue for him.

Seriously though, try out the NC rule and I think you might be surprised at how effective it is. It will take discipline but give it a try.

Bri

June 23, 2013 at 6:23 am

So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My bf broke up with me a week ago after having been together for 6 months. The reason behind it was because I felt like he was withdrawing and loosing interest in the relationship since he wasnt texting me as much and I was inviting myself over to see him 3x as much as he was asking for me to come over which wasnt normal (among various other signs). Anyway I got concerned and while I should have asked him about it, instead I decided to look through his phone and found him talking to other girls who were openly interested in him and him not mentioning he had a gf (later after talking to him found out nothing happened, he was just talking to them). Anyway I ended up telling him what I did and what I found and how sorry I was for doing it but I just wanted to know what was going on. Unfortunately he couldnt deal with what I did and while he said he still loves me dating me isnt something he can do anymore for fear of me snooping again (one of his ex’s was super controling and monitored his every move, while Im not even close to being like his ex she still seemed to ruin my chance at redeeming myself). The downside, I still love him and we were really happy together before this. Oh, and we work together so i practically see him everyday. Hes been civil about it at work but ignores me at every opportunity because hes so mad at me. Doesnt help that his friends dont agree with what I did either and the fact that I am also friends with his sister. I know I wronged but I doubt I would ever do something like this again due to the horrid results. Any advice??

admin

June 23, 2013 at 11:11 pm

Hello Bri,

Sounds like he broke up with you because he felt you were trying to control him (obviously a big fear of his.) And while I am on your side I have to admit that a girlfriend who is showing up a lot (sometimes unannounced) and looking through a phone isn’t helping your case.

I think for you, the best thing would to be to let some time pass and work on being less needy. Remember, guys hate neediness (well, most guys.) Your actions suggested to him that you are needy (even though you may not be.) Enter into a no contact period of at least 30 days or longer.

At work, during this NC period. It is ok to engage him ONLY when it is absolutely necessary. Keep the convos pleasant, and short.

I think that is the best first step you can take. For now, just work on making it through 30 days without texting him, emailing, etc.

nevi

June 22, 2013 at 1:02 am

He left our relationship due to the fact that he likes someone else (they barely met) what should i do if he and her actually start talking or dating.. she homewrecked us but im not sure if i would want to do the same to him.

admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:29 am

Literally, do everything on this page. I can’t guarantee that you will get him back but I promise by doing everything on this page your chances will raise. Also, you might want to check out another popular page here: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/has-he-moved-on-how-to-get-him-back-if-he-has-a-girlfriend/

Rhiannon

June 21, 2013 at 9:47 pm

I really need help. The story is a bit complicated and long. But I really hope you can help me.
I live in South Korea as an English teacher. My boyfriend is Korean and his English is pretty good but it is definitely not perfect. We have been dating for almost a year. We had a lot of problems in the beginning. He really disliked that I liked to go dancing in clubs and that after a big fight of ours I went to a club with my friends girls without asking him. (That was after he had told me he wants to break up the day before and then taken it back but demanding I meet him right away. To which I said I can’t because I am too angry and need to cool down. Also now I don’t go to clubs at all). There has also been the problem of him disliking that I have friends guys(its a Korean thing – guys n girls can’t be friends) even though I promised him I wouldn’t meet them without him. As well as my ex boyfriend(before this one) was an ass and used me pretty much for only sex and decided to message me about 2 weeks after my BF n I started officially going out n ask me for sex(or to introduce my friend girls to him).

Since this rocky beginning we have had fights about twice a month and most of the time they are about something to do with my exes(why did I have sex with them when they treated me badly) or with my guy friends(who I met only once with him). And every time we fight he brings up the same fights. After about 6 months he started saying that he is tired of explaining things to me and he tried so much and he is tired of me and our relationship and how stubborn I am. Already he has broken up with me several times but I cried n begged n promised to change(which I am pretty sure I have a lot). Finally in April we stopped fighting but only because he had pretty much given up on explaining(how he phrased it).

Mind you, some of the problems we had were his fault and some are just cultural differences that he refuses to acknowledge. Anyway, about 5 hours ago he broke up with me and I am pretty sure this is his final break up. He told me he knew this would happen and that it is because I am just so damn stubborn(a small incident in a pub triggered his explosion) and that THAT is the reason why he didn’t want to bring his stuff to my house anymore. He took the DVD player that he had in my house for the last 5 months n took his computer n left. I tried to stop him and he pushed me n yelled out a lot of horrible stuff in Korean at me and left me in the middle of the street. I am not proud to say I broke down right there with the rain pouring down.

Anyway, what it comes down to is even though we have had all these problems, I want him back. When we don’t fight we have the most amazing relationship. He cares about me so much. About my health, my family, my pets, any problems I might have. He makes me laugh and makes me love myself. He is truly an amazing guy. He is also very very dramatic but so am I. I know that he will regret saying what he said last night.

I broke up with him for two hours in January and he came to break down at my door and beg me to take him back. After which the next day he told me he said he will change only to make me say ok to taking him back. At which point we broke up again and I changed my mind two days later. That was the only time I have doubted us.
(That same week my cat – I am a big animal person- was hospitalized because he was dieing. My BF came to take care of me even though he hadn’t decided we r back together. He took care of me for 3 months while my cat was dieing, helping me give medicine n cleaning. And when my cat died he bought me a puppy to help me get over it – and yes it was a good choice)
And since then(January), I haven’t doubted even for a second. I was against marriage and kids before I met him. But he turned my world upside down and I want that life with him now. I want to marry him and have his kids.

My biggest question is: What do I do? I read every article you have posted and while I agree those will work for normal guys, I am not so sure about my BF. He always told me that if I break up with him it will hurt him but he can walk away easily. But then he will expect me to answer that I will go stalk him in front of his apartment and call him and hunt him down and beg him. And if I say it would be hard but I can walk away too(I said that in the beginning), he would get angry n tell me I don’t love him. So with all that, can I wait 30 days? Can I ignore his messages? And if we ever get to the texting phase, what do I do to make all those messages easy to understand for even someone not fluent in English?

I want him back, but I don’t want our dysfunctional relationship back. When we were happy, it was amazing, but I don’t want to play by all his rules anymore. Anything I have changed until now, I have already changed. But I want him to accept that I will be stubborn most often than not. And that I will have my own opinion and will want to discuss the differences in opinion instead of just saying “ok, honey” and doing what he wants.

Can I avoid him for that long and still get him back when he expects those things of a person that loves him?(his ex of 2 years acted like that – 5 years ago – but she also cheated on him. He is always comparing me to her and I usually fall short in the girlfriend act department) I know there are many issues for us to get over. But a lot of the things I can let go, mainly because they are not that important to me. (like going to clubs or meeting guy friends without him) But I still want him to come to me willing to work at it with me not just expect me to follow a new rule he makes. I want him to start thinking we are worth fighting for again. Because darn it, I know we are!!!

Anyway, sorry for the long comment. But as you see, lots of issues to deal with n you are apparently the only one I can ask at the moment that knows what he is talking about.

admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:49 am

Congratulations Rhiannon for having the longest comment in the history of this site! Hahaha, I am not saying that to be rude or anything I think it is absolutely awesome and I want to assure you I read every single word.

Your boyfriend sounds like HE has a lot of issues. To me, you sound like a normal girl. If his previous girlfriend cheated on him then he must have been scarred from that experience and takes it out on you for doing something as trivial as going out to clubs or meeting up for a casual lunch with a guy friend. Now, I know this site is supposed to be about “how to get your ex back” but I can see what your relationship issue is, he doesn’t trust you and it causes a lot of fights. I also think the culture thing has contributed as well (women doing whatever a man wants.)

Is your boyfriend different…. hmm…. I think you are right HE IS. I don’t think HE can handle 30 days without contact. So, maybe you should cut the NC period in half and make it only 15 days instead. If you go back to him now you are only going to get your old dysfunctional relationship back but if you take a stand right now and take the power back you can create that NEW and BETTER one that you want.

If you suddenly become the girl that is too good for him I have a sneaking suspicion he will come crawling back.

I honestly think the real question for you is this: why do you want him back? He seems like he is the one that is causing most of your problems because of his insecurities. I am sure that you did some stuff to hurt him and cause these outbursts.
Rhiannon

June 22, 2013 at 6:35 am

WOw, you answered so fast. I was contemplating coming back every day for a week or two while waiting for a response. You are amazing, thank you. And sorry about the long comment. Also sorry that this comment is also long…I like to talk out my problems.

I know I can last 30 days with no contact. It’ll be hard but I can do it n I have a best friend that is amazing in her support of me(even though she lives 4 hours away n I can’t meet her for another month). I know he can’t last that long. But also, he is very very proud. I am a little scared that if I cut him off and he tries to contact me(most likely tries to put me through a guilt trip and get things back his way) if I ignore him I’m afraid he wouldn’t want to talk later when I am ready.

I don’t want to go back to doing everything his way and bending over backwards to make him happy. I want to have a healthy relationship where we talk and agree to disagree and not everything is about who is right n who is wrong. Because I don’t think that matters, even though it matters to him.

I want to have the relationship we were meant to have. Where the past is the past and we both can look to the future and see each other. See our future. Because for the last 6 months it has been only me seeing us together. He was convinced that we will stop burning so brightly(that our relationship is like fire) n I’ll get bored. His ideas of what girls think n do are very screwed up n I blame his exes.

So, I ignore him n his texts for 15 days. What do I do if he shows up at my door? He used to have the pass code to the lock but I changed it this morning. but he knows where I live n where I work, and again it is only 5 minutes from his house.(after he left me in the street last night I haven’t tried to contact him. There is a text messaging app in Korea that we use, though, that has profile pics n his is still of my name and mine is of his and my names. Do I take off that picture or wait for him to do it first?) How do I react when he comes? Do I calmly tell him I need time to think if we are worth it n walk away or what? and if he doesn’t contact me in 15 days, how do I make the first move?

As to whether I want him back, yes I do. When he is not dealing out pain from his issues, he is amazing. He truly cares about me and drops everything, including his sick mother who he is close with, to meet me if I need him.(even if it is something small that I didn’t want him to drop everything for). He cares about me deeply and tries to help me and make me happy and he does make me happy. I have never been this happy or felt like I had this much a connection with anyone. He makes me laugh and is not afraid to be silly with me or be himself with me(he is pretty closed off n cold with everyone else). He loves me in my dresses and make up as much as in my sweats and greasy hair. I gained some weight since we started dating, about 6 pounds(I’m a curvy girl at 170 pounds and 5’9″ in a country where every girl, even the overweight ones are under 150 pounds) and his response was to tell me how much he loves my body and how I should eat when I feel like it not go on stupid diets, just eat healthy and not junk food. And that he’d love me even if I am 250 pounds, just will be a little worried about my health. He knows me and I know him, he just tends to forget that I am not his ex n judges me with the same used up stick.

So what do I say or do to make him understand that if we get back together, it has to be a healthy relationship. Where my exes are my business and his are his business and they or their mistakes should not be brought into our relationship. And how do I react when he tries to guilt trip me for not stalking him like a “good girlfriend” is supposed to? I love him but I want us to be together, just the two of us. Not me him, his exes and my exes. I want to be in a couple not a messed up emotional orgy.

Also, I want him to know that I still see a future for us. That I still want to build a life with him but that he has issues and needs to figure them out and that I am worth fighting for. Because I know I am. I just wish he knew it.

Once again, Thank you SOOO much for answering this fast. I was a mess last night when he ended it but I feel better and calmer now. I know it will be hard but I can wait as long as it takes. I know he might sleep with another girl while we r broken up(he threatened me before with the fact that he had the chance) and it will bother me a bit but I can get over it and I know he won’t date anyone else for at least a year or two. I believe we are worth all the fights and pain but I don’t want any more hurt because of the wrong reasons(someone else’s fault).

I am incredibly happy that you answer your comments and try to help us and I think I speak for every reader of your website when I say, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are a savior!!! Especially to the people commenting. We feel so lost and at a dead end and thank you for leading us by the hand n showing us the way. You are AMAZING!!!

P.S. Once again, sorry for the supper long comments. 🙂
admin

June 23, 2013 at 2:53 am

I love the long comments you leave! I usually try to answer all the comments at the end of the day (every day) and it can take quite some time but honestly I think this site can become something special so I am willing to put in the time and help everyone.

Now, you had a lot of questions in your comment so I will do my best to answer them.

If He Shows Up At Your Door- Well, that is a very good thing because it means he still cares about you deeply and wants you back. Here is where it gets tricky though, if you take him back will he be any different? In my opinion, I don’t think he will. Not until you have a conversation where you basically say, look: for us to be together x,y and z have to stop and in turn I will work on x,y and z for you.

How To Handle Emotionally Charged Moments- With a boyfriend like this (who will try to “guilt trip” you) emotions can tend to run high for both parties. So, any conversation you ever have with him in person, you need to make extra sure you don’t lose YOUR temper on HIM. Remain, calm, polite and civil. If he gets angry simply walk away from the situation. You want to establish that you are the one in control and not him and trust me once you get that feeling of being “in control” you will understand how powerful and liberating it is! The key though, is to treat interactions with him very calmly and if he tries and guilt trip bs on you simply walk away from the situation.

During No Contact- I think it is really important for you to improve yourself during the no contact period. If you feel you are a bit overweight then lose the weight and get in the best shape of your life. Get a new haircut, get some new clothes. Make yourself into the best you can possibly be.

Thank you so much for your kind words!
Rhiannon

June 25, 2013 at 11:30 am

I need help. My ex visited my job today while I was teaching a class and left two bags. The receptionist put them on my desk. One of them has health drinks(that he buys me all the time because I have weak immune system) and one had a container of soup that he had promised to make me long time ago. There was also a letter that read:

Hi. If I see you then I will change my mind because I still love you. So, I am writing. I was very happy with you. I promised that i will cook this soup for you. I know you don’t like these health drinks but they are good for you so drink them with the orange juice. In the USB there is a song that I wanted to play for you long time ago.
I’m sorry. Don’t feel guilty. You were a good girlfriend. It’s just I wasn’t enough to you(bad grammar n all). After you eat the soup, put the container and my DVD player cable that I forgot downstairs. Then message me, so we don’t have to meet.

Good luck with your health, your new relationship and your life.

I broke down at school. What do I do? Do I eat the soup and leave everything downstairs for him n message him, giving up on him forever?

or do I just leave the soup and drinks n letter n everything downstairs for him?

Or do I tell him he has to come up and get them face to face?

Or do I wait for him downstairs?

I don’t understand what I should do. And I can’t stop crying long enough to think straight. He will be expecting his things tonight or tomorrow (it is 8:30pm here).

Please Help me. I don’t know what to do. I want him back. but I want us working to fix things. I want to wait for him downstairs when he comes. But I realize you might say I shouldn’t do that. So what do I do? I have been NC since he first told me we r braking up 4 days ago. What do I do?
admin

June 25, 2013 at 5:31 pm

Well, here is the good news. It is clear he still has feelings for you. Most women don’t know that but you do!

What do you think you should do? In the end it is all up to you.

I think you should be nice and eat the soup and have a small but nice conversation with him. Don’t break down during this conversation, don’t cry, be pleasant and keep it short and simple. BUT you are giong to have to keep resuming the NC after.

Fabiola

June 21, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Will do thank you …ill do it but I’ve already done the no contact thing before and the contacted him again it’s been around 4months since we broke up( we broke up for sure around February ) so I tried talking to him around April and he got together with his girlfriend around march or April. So I did the no contact thing so what your saying is I should do it again? Will it work the same ? Even though he dosent even talk to me period since march …and even then only like two text convos like a week and he dropped it very quickly…so I was just wo during if it would work the same beacuse of that and beacuse now he has a girlfriend…:((((

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