The Definitive Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

8,582 thoughts on “The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

Brandee

June 21, 2013 at 6:30 am

Hi!
So I guess I have to wonder if this can increase
The chances of “The Friend zone?”
My ex & I lost a baby months ago. Since then
We both changed. I became sad, secluded, mood swings and
At times angry. Also needy.in return he backed away. He has messaged
To check in one. No messages tonight though.
He explained how sorry he was we ended it like
We did. Said he would like to talk still & hopes we
Can be friends 🙁 I asked if there’s a possibility to
Work on things fresh & slowly. He saidaybe down the road,
But not at this time.

admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:28 am

Hi Brandee,

First off, I want to offer my condolences on the lost baby. From the bottom of my heart that is a horrible thing for anyone to experience.

It seems to me like the loss of that child really affected you. I don’t want to presume too much but it seems to me that it affected you more than him. You became a different much more reserved person and it freaked him out so he ran.

I honestly think your best play is to try to return to the person that he fell in love with to start with and that might mean doing a lot of soul searching. Definitely do the no contact thing I think doing that alone will have a really positive effect and it will give you a lot of time to clear your mind and do a bit of healing.

I’ll tell you what Brandee. Email me here: https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/contact/

I think I can offer some really helpful advice and would love to be an ally for you!

John

June 21, 2013 at 4:33 am

I’m at 3 weeks into the NC period and I was thinking about how to approach the situation. I want him back so much but I’m afraid he won’t be ready to get back together after the 30 days. I don’t know what his intentions are because he was so vague about the “break period” and didn’t explain any conditions and when we can talk again.

What should I do if I try to text him after the 30 days and he says “we’re still on a break” and doesn’t want to talk to me. I was just basically cut off and feel so confused about which way to handle it. I want to be straight up and ask him if he wants to be with me or not but at the same time I want him to say yes.

I did so much for him and I feel like its unfair that he put me in this situation.

John

June 21, 2013 at 4:32 pm

Also, how long before each text message should I wait. If I get a positive response for my first contact should I give him a day or so before I can send the next one?
admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:18 am

Hey John,

Glad you commented. Taking a step back I am amazed this page has this many comments hahaha.

Ok, before I give you any advice give me an update on YOU. What have you done to improve yourself over the no contact period?

got in shape, new clothes, new perspective?

I just want to make sure you are doing everything you possibly can so you don’t walk onto the battlefield unprepared.
John

June 22, 2013 at 5:36 am

I thought very deeply about our relationship and felt like there is still so much potential and room to improve if he would just come out of the closet and we can grow and become more social as a couple. When we were together I was happy but at the same time I felt like things could get better if we started hanging out with other people together. By the end I started feeling anxiety because I’ve been waiting for so long, almost 2 years.

On my end during the NC period I’ve been working out and trying to think positively about what could happen. I’ve been talking to other people slowly making new friends and trying to find a job. I also got a tattoo that made me feel better and more enthusiastic about living life to the fullest.
John

June 23, 2013 at 3:20 am

Thanks Chris, it really means a lot. I’ll continue to keep at my goals during the NC period and let you know what happens after.
I just hope my comments don’t get lost among the others! lol
admin

June 23, 2013 at 3:44 am

They won’t! I have to approve every comment that goes onto the site. I do this for a couple of reasons.

1. So, I can answer them all in bulk at the end of the day.
2. So, I can answer each and every person!

Good luck bro! Keep me updated
John

June 23, 2013 at 2:58 am

I read the part in your article about seeing other people and how good it would be but its hard to find decent people in my community.
For me to find someone to date would take a while because of how limited I am based on my situation. Money is tight and there is only so many people out there willing to go for a relationship outside of friendship.

I don’t want to give up on my ex
admin

June 23, 2013 at 3:08 am

I completely understand John, I only want people to go out on other dates if they feel comfortable doing so. The step is completely optional so no worries!

Well, I don’t think your ex will text you back “we are still on a break” after 30 days. Stick to the gameplan as best as possible and let it work it’s magic. But, I don’t want you to think that this method is any guarantee. I think in your situation, it can help a lot but nothing when it comes to dating is a guarantee.

If you are nervous or just need someone to help you though your situation I promise I will respond to every single comment you make. I am happy to be an ally for you in this!
admin

June 23, 2013 at 2:35 am

So, you were together but had to be secretive because he wouldn’t come out of the closet?

Sounds like you got a really good grip on what to do during the NC period. I would suggest though that you go out on a date with someone new.

stacey

June 20, 2013 at 10:55 pm

he left me becuz he said he likes someome knew he met during the time we were still together. he barely met her, what to do? it seems he doesnt want to fix things between us “nothings the same” but we get along but its just a bittersweet feeling

admin

June 21, 2013 at 4:06 am

Determine if this guy is someone you really want back. You always have to question a guy for “meeting someone else” if you really want him back though, my recommendation is simple:

Do everything on this page haha.
stacey

June 21, 2013 at 5:41 am

thank you!!!
stacey

June 23, 2013 at 5:39 am

hes also told me we could be friends and hes been going out alot, ive been noticing what could that mean
admin

June 23, 2013 at 10:54 pm

It means, he is probably hurt by the breakup and doing things to take his mind off of it (you should be doing the same thing.)

Kelsey

June 20, 2013 at 6:21 pm

also, again I wanted to add that throughout all of this he keeps telling me “I don’t know the future” like he makes I out like there’s a future one minute and then there’s no chance of us being together again the next minute.
Kelsey

June 20, 2013 at 6:13 pm

I just wanted to add to my previous comment that the other girl has a boyfriend that is my ex’s friend. he says he doesn’t like her and that he wasn’t there to see her but his best friend. but he also told me about six times that he didn’t like her when we broke up previously and he did.
Kelsey

June 20, 2013 at 6:05 pm

hello. I’m at a complete loss at what I should do with my situation. to start off with my ex and dated for a little over two years, and about a year ago almost exactly we broke up for around four months. Prior to breaking up for roughy six months things had gotten really rough and we were fighting constantly. We were both miserable due to issues outside of our relationship and taking it out on each other and we were just faili to communicate in general. he is a very logical person who has a very hard time express emotions where I’m a very emotional person, I would even say over emotional. anyways, a few days or maybe a week a younger girl started hangin out with his friends and by proxy him. at this time i also had no idea we were actually broken up because he never formally told me. He was also still talking to me and telling me he loved me. as time went on I got more an more crazy thinking that something was going on between them and not knowing if he liked me or not. I’d make him meet up with me and talk about us and our relationship and I’d ask him about her all the time. Anyways as time went on he or more and more annoyed with me to the point of telling me to delete his number from my phone and that he never wanted to talk to me again. So I did and for two weeks I completely ignored him. He started calling me all the time and texting me and I just continued to ignore him until he involved my friends. Eventually we met up, talked and worked things out and he stopped seein the other girl (for the most part). anyways, as time went on we starte to have our issues come up, things weren’t as bad as before but it was still rough. And now I was having issues with him bein around that other girl because she’s his best friends wife’s sister and he’s basically family to them. anyways after so long he decided that we Shouldn’t date right now so we still talked and hung out a friends, we saw each other a little less but we still liked each other and to an extent treated each other like we were dating. As time went on though he had gotten more and more distant to the point were two months ago I had to ask him what wa going on. We got into a fight about it and he said something like I dot think we should date its unhealthy and he can’t handle anymore stress. When I aske how he fel about me he int want to answer but eventually said he felt the same way he always has. Even after that I couldn’t let it go and nagged at him and he finally said we are never ever going to date again. after this I left him alone completely he’d get ahold of me every so many days we’d talk a little bit then he’d stop talkin. Eventually I started texting him more and he seemed more interested we hung out a few times (he asked me). Now I know that during this time he still had feelings for me but he was trying to treat me only as a friend. Until this following week. Hes barely replying to me and i wait hours afor a text if i get one at all. And they are usually one word replys yet when he sees me at church he say hi gives me a hug and acts fine. He’s also been giving me rides on sudays to my mothers so i can get to work. This past weekend i saw that he was haning out with that girl and i ignored it until i found out that they both stayed over at his friends house and then she came to our hitch in the morning. That night when he gave me a ride I was so upset I brought everything up and he tried to explain that he’s treating me like a friend and that i can’t be upset with him for not hanging out with me or hanging out with her etc. eventually he made it clear that he was over me and said that he weighed the pros and cons of our relationship and the cons out weighed the pros and he just couldnt handle the stress so he made a decision as that was it he was over me. Thus why he was beig even more distant lately. I asked if he missed me at all and e said he doesn’t allow himself to think about that. He continue to tell me that I couldn’t rely on him the way I dd before etc. after awhile he said that it isn’t as easy as it seem for him, that he’s lonely and it’s kept him up at night but it just doesn’t work and he didn’t want to do this he had to. he said he still wand me in his life just not the same way. Now I haven’t talked to him in four days. I there any chance for us to figure things out?!? What should I do? Sorry this is so long just wante to give the full story.

admin

June 21, 2013 at 4:00 am

Wow Kelsey,

That was long but I am so glad you shared your story. I think I see your big problem! The good news is that with discipline, you can correct it.

First though, I need you to understand that while I may be good at giving advice and recommending things I can’t guarantee that he is going to come back. All I can say is that I can improve your chances of getting him back.

Alright, your biggest problem is the fact that you are emotional. You need to go a full 30 days of no contact. It’s really important for you to do this because by doing so you can show your ex that you aren’t reliant on him any more.

Of course, be pleasant when you see him in person but for 30 days ignore his texts.

During this time you need to work on not being so reliant on him. Show him that you don’t care if you get him back or not (even though inside you really do) I think you will find that, that makes an amazing difference.

Christine

June 20, 2013 at 6:30 am

I want to share my case to here..I dated with my ex for 10 months. And He broke up with me about 3 and half weeks ago. I still really miss him and still love him. I did everything for him even he told me im the best gf he ever dated with. But we had argue a lot at the end..and finally he told me to break up. I was begging him, crying and kept calling him texting him, even I went to his place..I just couldnt accept it..And then he msged me that we shouldnt see and talk for a while..so i msged him back, really long msg..that I always support you and pray for you i dont want you to think im a crazy girl blah blah like that..that was the last..it’s been 10 days now I dont contact him.. But I really want him to change his mind but i really scared..

Joseph G.

July 10, 2013 at 11:40 pm

That’s too bad. I recently just broke it off with my old girlfriend, too. Sometimes, there is just nothing you can do really to get your ex back. Like, for the reason I broke it off, there was nothing that my ex could do to get me back. I was simply just tired of being with the same girl. I wanted somebody new. But I’m not saying you should give up hope. You shouldn’t. I’m just saying that sometimes there’s just nothing you can do. Good Luck
admin

June 21, 2013 at 3:45 am

I am sorry this happened to you Christine. Stay the course on the no contact and make sure you work on improving yourself during that time.

The best way to get him back is to portray an image that you don’t need him (even if inside you really do.)

Def read this page top to bottom I think it will help you.

Chelsy

June 19, 2013 at 8:47 pm

With no contact what are ways that I could show him that if we were to get back together things could change? He always throws out there that we just aren’t good for each other so it makes me worried he is truly not wanting to rekindle everything after a month, with the friend and family situation along with college and us going to different schools next year I am worried that this break up has more to do with college than actually not being good together. How can I show him that all these factors can be fixed and wot be much of a battle for us. And do you understand the break he is asking for does it sound like he needs time away from the relationship or is he truly you think just trying to move on for good? We have had break ups before but never one like this

admin

June 21, 2013 at 3:42 am

I am a firm believer that you should always trust your gut. If you feel that this breakup is different than the other ones then it probably is. But that doesn’t mean that you have no shot.

It sounds to me like college is playing into his mind at the moment.

The best thing you can do I honestly believe is a no contact period. How can you show him that you are changed. You can work on becoming the sexiest version of yourself. If that means busting your butt at the gym then do it. If that means cleaning up your diet then do it. I never said this would be easy but you want the next time he sees you to be a jaw dropping moment for him (jaw dropping in a good way.)

Chelsy

June 19, 2013 at 4:35 pm

My break up is confusing the guy gave me mixed signals as to why he wanted to break up. We got into a small argument with me getting mad at him that exploded 3 days later he wanted a break for a week. During that week things escalated between friends and family we started talking things out again over text. It seemed as if he was open to fixing things between us and was asking to talk in person. We were still arguing during the first week of the break about what the other was doing and who they were around. Then about 2 days ago another break up or break came out of nowhere we seemed to be getting things back in track until no matter what I said or tried to do would not keep him. He said he needs a month break but we need to try and get over each other during that time. That is so confusing to me cause when talking in person you can still tell he wants to make things work, but he made a promise to himself it seems to not get back together because of other factors such as family, friends, college, our past together, and fighting. I thought it would be better to be together, not dating but still seeing each other and fix things but he is so set in stone towards this month break. But I cannot tell if he is just being indesicve cause he keeps changing his mind and nothing is making sense. Also what is a reasoning of a break if he says we need to try and get over each other? We’ve been dating for around a year and a half. Any thoughts to as what is going on? I was also really demanding and selfish at times in the relationship and he has thrown out there that he didn’t feel loved or appreciated.

admin

June 19, 2013 at 8:28 pm

Hi Chelsy,

Actually, don’t get excited now but your situation doesn’t sound too bad at all. I have had to help women in really bad situations before so yours seems like a breeze.

I am going to do my best to give you some solid advice.

First, your biggest issue was trying to get together immediately after the breakup. That is the dumbest idea ever because both parties are so emotional at that point. You want him back so badly, he is unclear and unsure. I think a 30 day no contact period would work wonders for you. It is really important for you to complete the no contact without any roadblocks meaning you can’t break down and contact him.

Also, before I say this next thing I want to warn you to not take offense. I am here to help you.

Alright, you really need to work on your selfish and demanding tendencies. That is not attractive behavior. Seriously, do something to work on them and make sure you can show him that you are a different person if you get him back.

Andrea

June 19, 2013 at 3:38 pm

Hi, I need some advice on how to get my ex boyfriend back , so I thought i’d share my situation .. I broke up with him two months ago,I said to him to just be friends and that made him really angry , i didnt really mean to say that to him but i was upset about something else and i threw all my anger on him.. A couple of days later i went to the town he studies in to attend a class and i saw him with his friend.He waved at me and i waved back and then walked away.After the class he sat outside the building i was in and i ignored him.then i realized I made a big mistake and called him over. he said he wasn’t feeling well,so i argued with him and removed him from facebook. Some days later when i went back home , I apologized and he said he wasnt mad but the day after he ignored my texts. I tried NC then to see it it will work, but 3 weeks later i found out he started dating another girl.I was really sad and thought my hope is gone , but after 2 months I met him and we had a normal conversation. Then, i wrote to him again, as a friend and asked him to meet up ,he said the weather was too hot outside,so I said okay.The next day, he continued the conversation on facebook and we talked until late at night. I was surprised,but then again, he ignored my text and hasn’t replied since that day. I don’t know if i should text him again saying I want to meet up or not.Also, he is leaving the country soon.. I really want to get back together with him and he has this new girlfriend , so please tell me what to do,Thanks

admin

June 19, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Hi Andrea,

He is giving you all these mixed signals… it’s actually genius if you think about it. One day he is talking to you until late at night and then the next day he is ignoring you texts and look at you, you want him back even more.

You need to find a way to turn the tables so you can have that kind of a power over him.

It seems to me that, that is your biggest issue. Men want the unattainable. We want what we can’t have.

How can you become the unattainable.

Shorten your conversations with him. YOU BE THE ONE TO END THE CONVO.

Getting him to meet up with you won’t work unless you can get reignite his feelings towards you. Think of it like this, if Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie asked him out would he go? Absolutely he would.

If you can find a way to get the power back you are golden.
Andrea

June 20, 2013 at 9:22 am

But, I think that if i lose the contact with him , he might completely forget about me and if i have the chance to meet him , maybe I can show him the person he fell in love with .. Do you think that will work? And why didn’t he say he doesnt want to go out with me , but used the hot weather as an excuse, I don’t really understand why he doesnt want to let me go and gives me small hope whenever we talk ..
admin

June 21, 2013 at 3:37 am

I understand your concerns but almost always what you described (meeting up with him, seeing if you can show him the person he fell in love with) never works.

I think the hot weather thing was a pretty darn lame excuse. Sounds like something someone would say to string someone along.

I honestly think that you would benefit by stepping away from the situation for the few days and coming back with a fresh mind.

Sorry for the short comment but I didn’t have a lot of time.

Meggie

June 19, 2013 at 5:14 am

So, all I do is just wait? My situation is hopeless right? There is no way to get him back. I will lose him 🙁 Thanks for your help. I dont know what to do anymore

admin

June 19, 2013 at 5:26 am

It’s ok Meggie. Your situation is difficult but not hopeless.

Just wait some time to clear your own head before you make any more decisions.

Get a good nights sleep and eat some food. There is no reason that this breakup should affect these types of things.

I understand that you want him back really badly but you are going to shoot yourself in the foot if you become overly emotional about this right now.
Meggie

June 20, 2013 at 2:02 am

Should I still do the 30 days no contact rule at all? If Im doing that, what should I do next?
admin

June 20, 2013 at 3:55 am

Absolutely you should, you should also work on improving yourself like I recommend on this page. It can act as a way to help get your ex back but also a way to heal you.
admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:13 am

Your not a loser at all Meggie!

You did the right thing on every account. (except you shouldn’t have contacted him)

I think for you it is really important to do some soul searching and healing during this time. Make yourself into a girl that he will think it is impossible to turn down.
Meggie

June 20, 2013 at 7:24 pm

I came to his house today to get back all my clothes. First we didnt say anything, and then when he look straight into my eyes, he smiled. I dont know why but I heard that his sister said he told her he had a new girlfriend. He still keeping my picture in his wallet. But every picture about us in his room, he threw them away. I felt so hopeless. i saw him on facebook and I tole him that he look good, he said me too. I felt Im a loser 🙁

Tracey

June 19, 2013 at 2:59 am

So today I found out from a friend that my ex is seeing a new girl that lives out of town. It has been only 3 weeks since he broke up with me. I figured it was the case since he was leaving town every weekend now. Now I’m just really hurt that he found someone so fast. I see him every day at work and I don’t even know how to go about handling this. He’s already posted pics of them together on fb, but apparently has blocked me from seeing them. He’s been very friendly and flirty with me at work too, so what is going on ?

admin

June 19, 2013 at 4:03 am

Hi Tracey,

Really sorry this happened to you. The guy seems like a total player to me. But don’t worry, I know how to screw with these types of guys heads!

Here is what you do, be friendly with him at work, nice and pleasant but don’t engage in any flirting. If you find yourself flirting with him just say, hey I need to concentrate on thing x and go about work.

During your No Contact Period it is super important for YOU to NOT RESPOND to his texts. I think it is a safe bet to assume that he will text you eventually. Don’t respond, if he texts you again, don’t respond. If he gets angry and sends you a mean text, don’t respond.

So, at work you are nice, pleasant and simple but yet he can’t engage you with a texting convo (until your 30 days are up.)

Make sure you also have plenty of fun during the NC period. Meet new people, go on dates with new guys and just do things that make you feel good.

Hope that helps!

Veronica Mejia

June 19, 2013 at 2:36 am

I’m just starting the no contact rule.. Day 2. Very proud lol my situation is very complex. It’s been off and on again for 6 years. I cheated & left him for another guy. He has always forgiven me until now. Everything got to him. He’s now dating a close friend of his and says he needs space from me. He needs to think about everything and he feels a block towards me & he cant promise we will get back. When i try to get him to talk, he cant even look at me. Breaks my heart. Especially to see him with a “friend” and taking her to a place he recently took me a month ago. Not only that but he saw me recently & then saw her right after. I don’t want to be overconfident that it’s a rebound because it seems like they really get along. i want him to be happy but I know he in love with me & is hurt. Do you think I shouldnt be overconfident of his love & he finally threw in the towel? As far as social media, you think I should keep my accounts on private to prevent him from checking on me or public?

admin

June 19, 2013 at 3:58 am

Hi Veronica,

First off, I want to say that I am really glad you commented. I just literally got finished writing two posts on cheating for women in your exact situation.

I think the no contact rule will work well for you I honestly do. Day 2 WOOT WOOT. The first 10 days are the hardest.

Don’t put your social media accounts on private. What you want is for him to check and see you having fun and not totally devastated. Just don’t post anything that can be overly hurtful to him like a picture of you making out with guys (I know you wont do that but youd be surprised with some of the stories I have heard hahaha.)

Also, you really need to think hard about what you can do to show him that he can trust you. Getting cheated on really hurts the person involved. Don’t just tell him that this time will be different SHOW HIM IT WILL!

Any more questions?
Veronica

June 19, 2013 at 4:32 am

Thank you so much on the fast response. You’re awesome!
yeah should I be concerned about the new girl in his life or not let it get to me? She was a close friend and now this. Especially since the places he seems to be going are places we went too.
admin

June 19, 2013 at 5:03 am

I wouldn’t worry too much for the simple fact that it is out of your control. Why worry about something you have no control over?
Veronica

June 23, 2013 at 3:15 pm

Sorry to bother. Again. I made the mistake of contacting him just to wish him well. And he replied saying he knows I’m there for him when he needs to talk. Minutes later, made another mistake & went on his page seeing that he posted a picture of him and the girl.
admin

June 23, 2013 at 10:53 pm

I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Yes, its ideal not to contact your ex but if you slip up once and never do it again, I think it will be ok!
admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:11 am

Even if he is not jealous it can work wonders for you projecting the right image. Being that ungettable girl which will work for you when you communicate with him.
Veronica

June 22, 2013 at 12:32 am

What if you’re posting things but he’s not the jealous type?
Veronica

June 19, 2013 at 5:11 am

Thanks! Ill continue the process.

Meggie

June 19, 2013 at 12:03 am

Please help me with my relationship. I really want my boyfriend back
I have been going out with him almost for 3 years. We had a lot of memories and also we had a lot of fights. He broke up with me several time. And there was the time around for 4 days,I begged him and promised I would changed then he backed. But last Thursday , after his graduation, we still are normal but on Friday he turned off the phone. Early in the Saturday morning, I came to his house and I heard that he stayed over night in his best friend house. His friends lived in MN before, but he moved to TX. That boy has a sister who is 18 years old right now. I found out that and I got mad with him. After they went back to TX, my boyfriend was really sad. He said he liked that girl. Also, he told my friends that because he had so much thing going on when he dated me. He had ticket when he came to my dorm and get me, I killed myself to make him back. And he said he’s tired of that. When he said he doesn’t love me anymore, I cried and begged him like I usually do but he didn’t change his mind at all. We fighted and I said something really bad to him about our sex time. He is really mad right now and he said he doesn’t wanna see me anymore. He doesn’t even talk to me at all. I miss him so much. I wonder is there anyway I can get him back? He threw everything, every memories in the trash. Everyday, I post my feeling on facebook. I texted him and called him, but he never reply back. He blocked my number now.Please help me, I really need him
Thanks

admin

June 19, 2013 at 3:53 am

Hi Meggie,

Ok, my advice to you is going to sound simple (but I promise it is not going to be simple to do. It is going to take a lot of discipline.)

Stop posting your feelings on Facebook. Seriously DO NOT DO IT. Doing so is only validating his reason for not being with you.

Also, he views you as the “crazy girlfriend” I know that is probably rude for me to say but I am going to be someone that is completely honest with you. The reason he blocked you on his phone is because he things your going a little crazy.

Read this post from start to finish and implement the NO CONTACT RULE. 30 days of not talking to him. It can work wonders for you. Just take a deep breath and know that everything is going to be ok as long as you cool off a little. I am here to help you. Everyone on this site is here to help you.
Meggie

June 19, 2013 at 4:01 am

Thanks for your advice,but after 30 days, what if he still blocks my phone number? How can I text or call him? He does not go outside or join any activities with his friends at all. The chance I get to see him is hopeless. Is the 30 days no contact rule still work for me after I’ve begged, clinged and cried over and over again, made him mad at me? I dont have anybody to help at all. I really love him.
admin

June 19, 2013 at 4:16 am

I think he needs some space (which is why he blocked you) and you need space as well.

Space is good hahaha
Meggie

June 19, 2013 at 4:21 am

He doesnt use facebook or email anymore after broke up with me. He told me that he doesnt love me anymore, he doesnt feel my love anymore, he doesnt want to see my face anymore. He said he waited for the time to break up with me for a long time after I did everything good for him. I know we need space but I feel like I cant get him anymore. Im really sad and couldnt sleep or eat anything at all
admin

June 19, 2013 at 5:05 am

Hey Meggie,

I am really sorry you are going through all of this. Usually, what your ex says in the heat of the moment can’t be taken too seriously. When emotions run high logic runs low after all. Nevertheless, prepare yourself for the possiblity that nothing is guaranteed.

I think in your particular situation your only play is to wait things out a little bit. I know that must drive you crazy but really that is the only thing you can do right now. I think eventually, with time, he will warm up to speaking to you again.

Gosh, I wish I could help more. I really want to help you but you are in a bit of a tricky situation I have to admit.
admin

June 19, 2013 at 4:16 am

Do you have his email? Did he block you from Facebook?

After things have calmed down a bit you can certainly reach out to him in a friendly way via email and facebook just working your way in his good graces again. Enough that he will unblock you from his phone.

Fabiola

June 18, 2013 at 10:39 pm

Wow no one has ever answered ! Thank you! You see he was my first love and boyfriend and i was his first girlfriend . we were our first everything.We started going out during our junior year In high school and we ended around January. We were fighting a lot and I was really taking him for granted. I realized it too late but I kept fighting for him and we had a weird relationship where we were ” together” but not really until February. Then he said he wanted to get back together but it only lasted a week or so beacuse he stared acting like he didn’t want to be with me. Never really acknowledging our relationship in public. So I said that we should end it. I was horribly crying in front of him and just honestly a horrible desprete mess. But I did the nc for a month then tried contacting but he was , as I said before, cold distant and weird. We ignored each other the rest of the year and I did my best to move on. But I never could, I kept coming back to him. Now you said on your website to try to be friends, I asked at the end of the year ( we graduated ) and he said yea sure, a very short response, but he again seems distant. How do I go about being his friend??? We don’t really talk, or see each other regularly since the breakup and now he has a girl. Ill give him space but when the time comes how do I go about the first step to getting him back which is becoming friends ?

admin

June 19, 2013 at 3:47 am

No one has ever answered you really? Well, I am happy to help. I feel honored that you liked my website enough to comment and ask for advice.

How do you become friends with your ex? Well, your ultimate goal is to get him back but you can’t do that without being on speaking terms.

Here is how I would approach your situation:

Spend a lot of time on YOU. Focus only on yourself right now. Get in the best shape of your life, get your hair done nicely, go out and get some new clothes. Meet new people. Go on dates with new guys (I understand if you would be nervous about that but do it. It will be really good for you.)

Don’t even think about texting him or calling him or doing anything while you are focusing on you. Wait about 30 -45 days and then eventually, when you feel you are up to it. Reach out to him in an innocent way with a text message. He will respond hopefully and then you end the conversation immediately. Do this about 3 times with him and then the fourth time you text him try to have a casual conversation (not about your relationship though) just make it casual and be the one to end the conversation.

Eventually, you will find that not only will you take back the power with regards to wanting him to text you but you will be on good speaking terms with him as friends again.
Fabiola

June 21, 2013 at 4:24 am

Will do 🙂 thank you …ill do it but I’ve already done the no contact thing before and the contacted him again it’s been around 4months since we broke up( we broke up for sure around February ) so I tried talking to him around April and he got together with his girlfriend around march or April. So I did the no contact thing so what your saying is I should do it again? Will it work the same ? Even though he dosent even talk to me period since march …and even then only like two text convos like a week and he dropped it very quickly…so I was just wo during if it would work the same beacuse of that and beacuse now he has a girlfriend…:((((
admin

June 22, 2013 at 4:09 am

Fabiola,

I think you would really benefit from projecting an image of “you don’t need him” guys always want what they can’t have.

Fabiola

June 18, 2013 at 6:05 am

Hi my name is Fabi…I dated my ex for a year and we had good moments and our bad. We broke up beacuse I was way to baggy and clingy…I tried the no contact thing and then tried contacting him but it just didn’t go well he was very distant and seemed he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings so I stopped talking to him. I dd t want the pity thing. 2 months after our breakup he started dating one of his close friends that admitted to having feelings for him during our relationship. Around may I decided that I still loved him and was Ganna try to get him back again, so far I’ve texted just sayin I wanted to be friends and he answers but drops outta conversations randomly and occasionally does not answer… So now I do t know what to do? How would you do this ? Btw I did the whole improvement thing and I everything this page says before I acctually contact him. So what do ? I really do love him and miss him terribly

admin

June 18, 2013 at 5:37 pm

Hi Fabiola,

First off, I want to thank you for commenting. I am sorry that he started dating someone new. I know how tough that must be for you, especially since you determined that you still loved him and wanted him back. It seems to me that your major issue stemmed from texting. I wouldn’t have recommended that anyone text “I just want to be friends” to their ex boyfriend if they want to get them back. Sure, it seems harmless at first but a guy is going to have the attitude like “well, I can get her back whenever.” That is not something you want. You need to be in full control when it comes to texting.

As for where you should go now: I would say that you give it a little time before you try reaching out again. He is still probably in the honeymoon period of his new relationships but as I have stated multiple times 90% of rebound relationships end. When you do try to reach out to him again make sure you make your texts really intruiging and force him to respond. BUT you need to keep your convos with him to a minimum and YOU HAVE TO BE THE ONE THAT ENDS THE CONVO. Another piece of friendly advice, he is dating someone new so if you feel comfortable you might try going out with someone as well. It is a good way to not only heal yourself but make him sit up a little and go “huh, I may have missed out with her.”

Of course, I want everyone to be prepared with the fact that you are not guaranteed to get him back. So, make sure you expect the best but prepare for the worst.

If you have any more specific questions feel free to ask!

Amy

June 18, 2013 at 1:37 am

How bad is it to respond to his texts during the 30 day period? My ex and I were friends for months before we started seeing each other, and when we (sort of mutually) broke up we resolved to stay friends because we have to see each other often. I am not initiating any contact with him and sure enough, now he is texting me wondering how I am. If I completely ignore his texts he’ll think something is wrong or I’m so hurt over the breakup I can’t talk to him. So I have been giving short, positive responses that close the conversation– like “I’m great, busy day, hope you are well” etc. And then silence until he texts me again. Is this enough?

admin

June 18, 2013 at 2:41 am

Amy,

Thanks for commenting! I always appreciate the comments and do my best to respond to each and every one.

Responding to his texts during the no contact period. Well, ideally the best no contact 30 day period is one where you don’t respond to him at all. However, I want you to keep in mind that just because I wrote it down on this page doesn’t mean that it’s set in stone.

Each situation will require different unique approaches. So, I think you would be ok doing what you are doing (AS LONG AS YOU DON”T ENGAGE IN A CONVO and you keep the responses short.)However, I would say that if you feel comfortable doing it, ignore him for the full 30 days.

He will really get angry (I am not going to lie.) However, I promise he will be jumping up and down once you do finally text him.

So to recap, what you are doing is ok as long as you don’t engage in conversation and keep your responses short. However, if you are comfortable go ahead and try not to respond.

If you have any more questions feel free to ask!
Amy

June 18, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Thanks, Chris… so far just me not initiating is working great. He keeps texting to see how I’m doing (normally I’m the one who does that) and I wait 3-4 hours– unusual for me– and then reply with a short noninformative text. I’ll tell you, this advice is money! It really works.
I just have a hard time doing it… so I’m hoping I don’t cave. He is my friend and he’s opened up to me, and I feel like I’m playing games and trying to hurt him. Doesn’t feel good. Also I guess deep down I’m afraid he’s going to be angry/hurt/confused/disinterested enough to walk away and I will have blown it. Help me not to cave!!!
admin

June 19, 2013 at 3:37 am

Amy,

I am really glad that things are working out for you. It is kind of cool to have the power for once?

I understand how you are feeling. Actually, every single woman I have ever helped has felt the way you do right now during the NC period.

Again, I want to reiterate that nothing is set in stone and it is ok to deviate from the “plan” if you feel you are going to be playing games and it makes you uncomfortable.

Remember though, there is a risk deviating from the plan but I always say to trust your gut!
Amy

June 25, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Hi Chris, I ended up going full no-contact for two days (ignoring his texts) and he was pretty aloof with me afterward. I did feel more in control, but I also felt bad about doing it. I think he got the message that I’m distancing myself. He’s initiating texts, but not frequently. So did it work? Who knows.

The interesting thing is that I think I learned something about myself by trying this. I learned that I am capable of disengaging from this guy, and that it felt pretty good to do it. I did feel bad about confusing him, but I felt really good about what it did for me. If he wants to keep me, he’ll work at it. Otherwise it’s over. It will be hard but I’ll survive and find someone more worthy of me.
admin

June 25, 2013 at 5:51 pm

Amy, you made my day!

I am so glad that you are feeling more empowered by this after only TWO days!

Anita

June 17, 2013 at 9:38 am

Hej, reading this website i decided to share my issue as well. I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, we’ve been together around one year. The reason of broke up was that we dont have butterflies in our stomach i know its sounds silly but as he said it was the reason. After three days he started sending me sms, and fb messages but u tried ti be very short and vague. Last week he asked me if we can book tickets together for concert, i replied that all our friends will be there and we’ll bump into each other and that fine. After this he keeps stalkinh my fb wall and sending me sms. On 10th of june we meet up to just talk and i told him why i was so upset about him. The only thing he was saying just recalling moments from our relationship. Now there is iur muttual friends b-day this friday and probably we’ll meet up there, i dont know how to behave, i still have feelings towards him. Can you give me some suggestions? Thanks in advance

admin

June 17, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Hi Anita,

I was talking with a woman a few days ago that had a very similar issue to yours, going to a party and seeing their ex. I will give you the same advice that I gave her. It is ok to go to the party as long as you keep any interaction short and simple. Play a little hard to get. Think of it like this, you want your ex to think about you and really want to be back with you but be wondering why in the heck you aren’t running back to him. Guys almost expect a girl to run back to their arms after a breakup.

So, the best play for you, at this party, is to not be rude to him but any interactions you have with him make sure you are polite, easy going but most importantly not overly talkative. If you are talking with him for 10 minutes straight I would say that is too long at this point.

John

June 17, 2013 at 6:16 am

Me and my partner broke up at the end of last month. He wanted to go on a break, I didn’t want to but I eventually agreed. He said he needs time away for a while and be single. He said he would contact me when he was ready to speak to me again but its approaching one month. I don’t know how long he’s going to take but I’m willing to give him as much time he needs to think things through. After one month is it okay if I reach out first or should I continue waiting for him?

admin

June 17, 2013 at 6:56 pm

I would say as long as you complete the entire 30 days (1 month) of the No Contact Rule you can go ahead and reach out to him. However, I strongly urge you to take a look at the section I put together on how to text him. There is a certain way that you need to go about contacting him to ensure maximum results.

Emma

June 16, 2013 at 1:16 am

I know this is probably long winded but I want to give as much info as I can. 2 weeks before breaking up we were shopping for engagement rings and merged our bank accounts together.

My bf and I seperated about a month ago an we went back and forth about how to fix it for a week. After a week he said he wanted to break up. It took him 2 more weeks to finally move his stuff out of the house. He text me several times over the last few weeks saying he hopes that Im ok, and asking for little things he forgot like his knife sharpener. We spoke once last week and it was a lighthearted conversation and then he got quiet and said he had to get off the phone and asked if we could have coffee sometime. Earlier this week we met for dinner and he brought up fun stories from our relationship. He said I looked happier than he has seen me in months and that he has been very lonely and has never felt a lonliness like this before. He talked about having dinner again soon and coming over to BBQ. Today I found out that he went home to see his family and brought a girl. Im confused about why he would ask me to dinner and say all those things over dinner and then bring a girl home to his family.

admin

June 16, 2013 at 2:13 am

Hi Emma,

First I want to thank you for your comment! I realize that you are in a really emotionally hurtful situation right now. Nothing is worse than loving someone so much and then hearing that he brought someone home that is not you. The only reason I can think of, of why he did this is because he is confused. He doesn’t know what he wants. He looks at you and remembers the good times but he also wants to try out other things, a common thing for men …. sigh.

Anyways, I think you would really benefit from cutting off communication via a no contact rule for 30 days and just focusing on the one thing that really matters… YOU! Go the the gym to get some physical exercise in, go shopping, get a haircut do some soul searching really take some time for yourself and then if you want to see him again make sure you do it on your terms and not his.

By agreeing to meet him, after you found out he brought someone home, basically means that you are enabling his behavior. He can’t have two things at once and you are going to have to be the one to show him that. That is my two cents. I really wish I had written an e-book that I could give to you but I haven’t. If you have any more questions feel free to ask!

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