How Long Will It Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?- The Three Timelines

733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

tina

March 10, 2017 at 8:34 am

Dear please help me,I met my ex yesterday we broke up in November 4 months ago and was telling me if I want to know he has 3girlfriends right now what could that mean please help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2017 at 11:54 am

Hi Tina,

It just means he wants his ego to be rubbed, it can also mean he’s trying to make you jealous, but it still goes back to his ego..

Cansas B

March 5, 2017 at 6:57 pm

My sister is having her birthday at a bar in my exes town that he lives in. We’re getting hotels etc. She’s having it the day it will be 31 days of no contact. I feel like I want to invite him. What should I do with this situation? It’s going to be so hard going there because his house is 6 mins away. Not only that, it’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend and I’m worried about that:(

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 8, 2017 at 5:34 am

Hi Cansas b,

It might be too early for a personal meet up but if you can handle it, invite him…

OBA

February 27, 2017 at 12:25 pm

Hi i broke up with my ex 4months ago,initially i was so much in touch with him,but along the way after all the fights and insults have decided to do the NC period,its now 9days without contacting him,we work together but i even make sure i don’t meet him along my path way since we are in different departments. could it be possible that he has someone new in his life? could he be with a new girl? or do you think he will contact me during the NC period? am i not going to loose him completely if i don’t call what should i do now? should i continue with the NC till the days are up???

oba

March 9, 2017 at 11:39 am

I met my ex yesterday morning and he told me that it seems am stalking him yet I was doing my own things and he goes ahead and says if I want him to pay for anything I have ever bought for him I should tell him the amount he will pay it back and the funny but he told me if I want to know he has three girlfriends right now. Why do u think he is telling me all these things,could he just be transferring his anger towards me or he is frustrated with the women he has in his life right now. And now I need to start my nc period afresh

This time round have decided to block him in all the social media’s Facebook, wats app and even his numbers have blocked all of them untill 45days is done then I will unblock him. Please advice me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 12, 2017 at 11:24 am

Make your posts public.. Did you post anything before that relates to his life or his posts? Maybe that’s the reason why he thinks you’re stalking him. He probably said those to make you jealous. If you didn’t reply to him just continue on the count but if you replied or if the past days we’re not focused in improving yourself, then you have to restart the count.
OBA

March 2, 2017 at 5:19 am

My worry is that,he is the one who broke up with me.. what if during the NC period of 45days he doesnt contact me at all what could that mean? could it be that he is guilty or he has moved on with a new woman.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 2, 2017 at 11:46 pm

can be but most of the time it will be because of stubborness. And if he did move on by himself or with another woman, would he regret that seeing you after nc or by seeing your posts?
OBA

March 1, 2017 at 6:05 am

since am in the medium timeline, do u think after the 45days of nc it would be ok to contact him through text message, how about if he has moved on with another woman! should i just let go and not contact him since he has another woman.
EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017 at 8:30 pm

That would depend on your standards if you still want to try.. If you want, you can initiate.. check this one:
Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)
OBA

February 28, 2017 at 10:31 am

And how long should i wait then i contact him! can i contact him after 4 months or should i do the NC period when am done then i contact him?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 28, 2017 at 8:55 pm

Try the nc period. I think you need to do at least 45 days. Don’t just wait, be very active in improving yourself.
OBA

February 28, 2017 at 9:58 am

Talking to him in the past months didn’t help me at all, and why am thinking he has someone else its because of his actions towards me when i call,he is rude and he tells me i shouldn’t have hopes of getting back together with him. that makes me feel like he has someone else in his life. but i will just continue with my silence.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 27, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Hi Oba,

has talking to him in the past months helped? Why do you think he has someone else? Check this one too:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Jenny T

February 14, 2017 at 5:59 am

Hi! Please help and tell me what I am doing right or wrong. Almost two months ago, my boyfriend of 2+ years broke up with me,.. Out of the blue, over a stupid little argument, saying he needed to be by himself and not with me anymore. We were serious and planning to move in together this summer. We are both in college (I’m in grad school and he has a year left) and even talked quite a bit about our future together. He truly loved me, treated me well. He often said that he sees himself married to me – Even up to the day before he broke it off. Since the breakup, I took the advice to just leave him be – The hardest most painful thing I have ever done in my life. He has contacted me, via text or snapchats, but never a phone call. His messages are never conversations about us, just funny things in remembrance of us, even once asking to come over to borrow something. He will text daily for a few days then nothing for a week!! I keep every conversation very vague- friendly but short. Then I won’t hear from him for awhile. Never on weekends. He did come over to get what he asked to borrow but he obviously didn’t want to come in so I made it short and simple when handing him what he needed. It was basically “here you go, thanks, goodbye…” conversation. Maybe he was wanting more interaction from me but I got scared he would run even more, so I just let it be. Is he waiting for ME to initiate a text or any type of contact? My friends feel he is since he has a hard time communicating and I have basically blown him off with every contact he has made to me. He will never be the one to come to me asking for a reconciliation. He hadn’t in the past, I’m usually the one running back to him after an argument. But it’s been awhile since the breakup and I feel I’m losing him more as time goes on. What should I do? Wait for him, because he won’t be the one to make the first move. Thank you for your help.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 8:41 pm

Hi Jenny t,

talk to him first if he’s consistent with breaking up do a full no contact period of 45 days

Tiffany

February 8, 2017 at 7:26 pm

My boyfriend of 4 and a half years broke up with me yesterday. We had a good relationship and we were good for each other. But, we both made mistakes. He said to me yesterday that he lost romantic feelings for me and didn’t see a future with me. But, he wants to keep me as a friend. I have a weird gut feeling that he’s the one and that this isn’t over. So does one of my friends who also has known him a long time. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 9, 2017 at 11:32 am

Hi Tiffany,

start the 30 day no contact rule period. Staying friends now will probably make you fiendzoned

Lg

February 7, 2017 at 4:38 pm

Hi- I posted a question yesterday but it seems to have disappeared from the page.

I’ve been on your site a lot. You helped me get through the first stage and I had a great date with my ex. But then the issues in me (PTSD) flared up again and I freaked out and was anxious and my anxiety drove him away. That was 6 months ago.

I’ve been going to therapy and things are getting better. I’m more in control of my emotions. I still really love him and want things to start again with us. He has a new girlfriend. He says he doesn’t want to “keep me on the hook” and that I should move on. But he keeps texting me. I told him yesterday that I couldn’t talk to him for awhile. Then he emailed me a job opportunity.

What can I do? Is it hopeless?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 6:15 pm

Hi Lg,

I actually agree with your decision that you need to heal first.. Do that first. Heal and continue to improve and grow at the same time before going back to rebuilding rapport..Date around too.. it doesn’t matter how long it takes but just make healing a priority..

Lg

February 6, 2017 at 9:47 pm

Hey- you were very helpful in assisting me to get through the first phase of getting my ex back in the summertime. However, I lost him again because of the first reason I feel like caused me to destroy things- because of PTSD symptoms and fear of abandonment- which I’ve been working at aggressively to fix (therapy, meds etc.). We were only together 9 months, but I miss him terribly. The only thing is that he has another girlfriend and when I told him I missed him and asked if he thought we might be able to be together in the future, he just told me he doesn’t want to keep me on the hook and he’s in a committed relationship. She even spends time with his daughter. I don’t know what to do, I miss him a lot and don’t want to give up but every time I talk to him I become pathetic. I told him today I can’t talk to him anymore, because I feel like I’m not healing. What can I do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 7, 2017 at 6:15 pm

Hi Lg,

I actually agree with your decision that you need to heal first.. Do that first. Heal and continue to improve and grow at the same time before going back to rebuilding rapport..Date around too.. it doesn’t matter how long it takes but just make healing a priority..

Anna

January 31, 2017 at 11:23 am

hi! I am writing because my bf of 7 years broke up with me about 3 months ago. the breakup was civil and mutual. he had some problems with himself and it was affecting the relationship. Also for about a year and a half i have been talking about a more serious commitment ( marriage or at least a conversation about more future things as a couple) but he didnt want to talk or always said that he was committed but he didnt want to get married yet. So when we broke up I told him not to come back unless he was ready for a serious commitment with me. We havent talked since the break up that was 3 months ago. I havent contacted him and he hasnt either. about a month into the breakup i left on a long vacation/work for 3 months and im not back yet. is there a chance of getting him back?

Anna

January 31, 2017 at 4:34 pm

I am good about the whole thing. this is what it had to happen and im ok with that. we have been nc for 3 months. is there a chance that after 3 months he will break the nc? I dont know anything about his life right now. what should I do. i dont want to contact him because I said that if he wasnt ready for a serious commitment he shouldnt come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 4:47 pm

Oh I mean how much did you change in health, wealth and relationships aspect in your life in the last 3 months? hmm.. I thinknit would be better to read the suggested links first because they can help you more than what I can say..if you have any questions after that dont be shy to comment
Anna

January 31, 2017 at 11:24 am

or what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 4:22 pm

Hi Anna,
Its been a long time but how much did you improve during it? And I think yoi should check this one too even if it hasn’t been a year:
Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

and this one too:
How Do I Get My Commitment Phobic Ex Boyfriend Back?

Kikki

January 29, 2017 at 8:23 pm

Hi

I did the nc rule and messaged him today, he got mad saying he wouldnt take me back because he thought that that must have been the reason for me contacting after all this time. I told him I had no intention on getting back with him because he had changed so much which is obviously a lie but I thought it was the best thing to say and I also said I didnt want to talk about drama so we ended up talking about interesting things, it was quick and I am sure he is still a bit mad but at least we texted a bit. Did I handle the situation well? Also should I text him everyday? And how often should I send him a message?

Thanks in advance 🙂

Kikki

February 24, 2017 at 6:38 pm

I appreciate the advice but counseling wont be it for me but I will try to open up more about my feelings so no need at all to worry about that. I will be fine and will just continue with my life because I am done with trying so much now. I give up.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 8:19 pm

Ok, I understand.
Kikki

February 23, 2017 at 8:35 pm

Ahh I now understand where you are coming from and you are absolutely right. I know it is bad to bottle up my emotions but thats what I have always been used to do and it doesnt bother me at all. I have already accepted the fact that I might be running after a train so to say and as much as it hurts I am aware of the fact that I might lose him forever that is also why I managed to do the things I never thought I could do before like holding back from trying to reach out to him, acting like I am enjoying life, etc… the reason why I am doing all of this is not necessarily to get him back but more to minimize the chance of never being with him again if that makes sense. I really want him to take me back when the time is right and I wont lie, I wish it would be as soon as possible but I know I need to work on myself more than I already have and I realize that because of you so I am thankful to you for that. All I am just confused on now for the moment is what to do exactly right now, as you know, he has beenmoved ignoring me and I stopped chasing after him because it felt desperate and I knew I didnt want to be like that but if I leave things as they are, will he ever contact me again? Moreover, wouldnt he just forget about me after a while? To me that is the scariest thought especially because of our, long distance….
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 10:04 pm

Get professional help first because that would really help a lot. If you want to build rapport now while being in counseling, do so. Just take it slow, be more active in your own activities and have fun conversations.
Kikki

February 21, 2017 at 9:36 pm

I dont understand exactly what you mean, are you trying to say that if he has moved on there is no use in trying to get him interested in me? What exactly do you mean with taking action from that perspective? If you are asking me if he would be interested in me now, I would say yes. In the time I havent been with him I learned to value what I have and that I shouldnt be selfish. I feel like I am suffering a lot not having him around but I can hide it really well now so I learned to control my emotions. I really feel that I have matured a lot since we broke up and I cant wait to show him but it hurts so bad that he is taking two steps back everytime I take a step forward towards him. I think he might be scared I will hurt him again and he doesnt trust me. I really need your help because I already blame myself so much for the things I have done wrong in my relationship with him but the fact that I have felt guilty all this time has made him forget all the things he did wrong in our relationship. It really hurts me so much because I dont care about what we both did wrong cuz if we were to get a fresh start I am positive everything would turn out well this time. My biggest fear is losing him forever that is why I am really clinging onto whatever hope is left. Please tell me I still have a chance because the effect it is having on me is intense and for the sake of him taking me back I havent allowed myself to show any emotions at all and the only times I do is when I cry alone in my room. I might seem happy but I am dying inside, its awful. What do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 22, 2017 at 9:12 pm

Oh no.. the more desperate you are, the more you wouldn’t get someone back. I understand it hurts, you love him, all you want is to get him back. But desperation will show no matter how much you hide it. What I meant is that, if he has moved on, he wouldn’t want you to be chasing him because all he wants is for you to move on too.. If he sees that, if he knows that, there’s a higher chance that he would be willing to be friendly again because he knows both of you have moved on..

You have to go to therapy. It would be better to get professional help. Bottling your emotions is not healthy. You know if you’ve really matured, you have to forgive yourself. If he doesn’t remember the bad things he did, that means he has forgiven himself. And if you think he’s afraid of you, that means he still sees the old you.

You can blame me or be angry at me if you think I’m not helping you, but the best course of action is, to accept first that there’s a possibility that you have to really move on. If you know that, you wouldn’t be desperate and the healing and improvement would benefit you more. Don’t pretend. Do that first, when you know you’ve healed, that it’s ok for you to lose him if it doesn’t work out, then that’s a better time to try to start building rapport.
Kikki

February 20, 2017 at 10:02 am

Hey Amor,

My ex seems to not want to contact me anymore. When I send him a message he will respond a day or sometimes two later. Could it be that he has moved on from me? He also said he doesnt want to call me and we havent called eachother since we broke up which has been a long time now. If I get him to want to call me, do you think he will be more emotional? Or has he really moved on? It seems to me that he enjoys the single life and uses his friends to get over me… please help me with your magical advice Amor 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 21, 2017 at 5:46 pm

from your previous comments, more probably yes, he has moved on.. So, that means you either move on too or approach it from that perspective. That if he has moved on, would you be someone he would be interested to get to know now? Would he think you have moved on or just chasing?
Kikki

February 11, 2017 at 9:23 pm

Okay I wont care anymore, he just makes me nervous and anxious. I will wait until he comes back around.
Kikki

February 10, 2017 at 7:38 pm

Hi Amor I know it hasnt been too long but I tried being an ug but I failed after he got my hopes up saying that he would help me with maths if I needed the help. I ended up thanking him a lot and saying I loved him as a friend. Now he has been ignoring me and it is really harsh. I sent him 2 emails, he didnt respond… and today after 5 days I sent him one again just asking if he would prefer a male or female pet (I am thinking of getting one and I cant choose so I asked his opinion). He still wont respond though… what should I do? I am so scared and I feel like this is hopeless please help me 🙁
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 10, 2017 at 11:30 pm

dont be beat yourself up… it’s a process.. Just pick yourself up..learn from the mistakes..It’s not yet too late.. Let’s just say that, those are a blessing in disguise because it helps you see more clearly, that chasing doesn’t help
Kikki

February 4, 2017 at 8:19 pm

I will do and I will make sure to let you know how it goes with me or if I got him back 😀
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 5, 2017 at 6:27 pm

thank you Kikki! 🙂
Kikki

February 3, 2017 at 9:41 pm

It did for a long time though… I feel pretty much lost without him but thats just how I love I guess. I am going to give it a try by doing things I enjoy and I hope that will help me heal until he hopefully tries again with me. I really wish for a future with him and still feel like I have so much to lose when it comes to him. I am in distress so I should work on myself first. Thank you so much for your advice on everything I hope it helps me become a better person and eventually get him back. I am so grateful to you for your patience and time so once again thank you a lot!!! :* 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 4, 2017 at 12:00 pm

you’re welcome! Think of this as adventure that later on wilk make you a better person
Kikki

February 3, 2017 at 6:51 pm

But what benefit does it have in getting him back? Sure I will improve myself but will he want me back because of it?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 9:10 pm

will he want you back if you dont? It’s not a guarantee ofcourse but if you dont change, nothing will change too.. And do the change for yourself, that’s why it’s important to set a limit until when you would wait because you have a life too..your world doesnt revolve on him..
Kikki

February 3, 2017 at 5:51 pm

Oh also would a month be enough to be an ungettable girl?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 6:20 pm

if you meant the nc period,nope it’s not..the nc period just helps you sto start the routine of being an ungettable girl. It means being active on growth.. continuing to improve yourself everyday no matter what. That is the physical, health and relationship aspects of your life. Continue working out, explore new work outs and food, meet with friends make and maintain friends and family relationship, learn new skills..
Kikki

February 3, 2017 at 8:39 am

Uhmm… I afraid I dont really know what that means, I read the article about the ungettable girl but I am not sure on how to do that especially because we are in a long distance relationship. Can you help me please?
Kikki

February 2, 2017 at 10:13 pm

Yeah you are right. He wouldnt stop being cold so i sent him a text saying that it took a lot for me to finally get over him and I wouldnt annoy him or bother with him anymore. I guess I shouldnt contact him until he wants me back (which I am not sure if it will happen or not) this is not what I want but I guess I have no choice. It seems like I fell in love with a hard case here ;(
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 10:16 pm

set a limit on until when you would wait and continue being an ungettable girl
Kikki

February 2, 2017 at 4:00 pm

I think it is very unfair of him to break up with me the way he did because he knows it killed me and he knew how I felt about him. During our relationship I told him I would marry him and he told me the same. I also said that I would never love anyone else which essentially is true because I am like a wolf, I only ever love one man and after him there would never be anyone else I literally will never love anyone else because I know myself. I am way too loyal :S
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 5:37 pm

hmm.. sooner or later that will become predictable because he’ll notice that you’re texting every other day only.
if you’re not going to rest, you have to keep doing new things and meeting new people and making new friends instead. Widen your world so you can gain new perspective and grow
Kikki

February 1, 2017 at 7:10 pm

Sorry I put this exact message under someone elses question XD

I only text him every other day so he will miss me a little bit…I texted him today and kept talking about interesting things and I am sure he liked it but he would only respond with short 3 word answers like “that is good” or “yeah you too” so he wont stop being cold but I am all bubbly when I text him and once it gets interesting I tell him I gotta leave. I know that should help but should I continue doing this until he stops being cold and opens up to me more?
Kikki

February 1, 2017 at 1:35 pm

I do blame myself for making him cold because I tried to break up with him a few times and he would get so hurt and cry begging not to leave him so I would take back what I said because I realised that he loved me so much and I would love him more and more but I was so stressed one time that I told him I was tired of him so I ignored him for a week (to get myself together and I regret it deeply) At this point he said he was done with me and my behaviour as it kept hurting him. He is now blaming my religion for it (because that was one of the reasons why he was stressed sometimes). When he broke up with me I was devastated and he knew that so he started being spiteful so I would understand his pain. He would give me false hope by saying he still loves me but the next moment he would say he doesnt feel that much love for me anymore because of what I did to him 🙁 but he would tell me I can still say that I love him and all that so I guess he felt pride because he knew that I love him but he started saying that I am pushing him away by being so clingy I guess and this is why I started doing the nc rule. I decided to do the nc rule on him so he would no longer be in control of me and slightly because I wanted him to think I was doing great without him. I really feel bad for what I did so it would be my wish to reverse it and make him love me again and make him the happiest man alive …
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 3:35 pm

yes, but realistically if he doesn’t want to talk now, and you kept pushing it means you’re back in square one right? In order to have a chance of a restart, someone has to break the cycle of him being angry and you chasing him.
Kikki

January 31, 2017 at 5:09 pm

What should I do because of the distance? I literally cannot be without this guy I love him too much to give up and he loved me too, I am sure this can be saved but 60 days of no contact?! I cant do that!! 30 days killed me and I did that perfectly because I was serious about getting him back but 30 days was almost impossible let alone 60! He probably will think I moved on which I dont want him to think… I love him strongly and I want him to stop being spiteful anymore. Before I started nc he would say that he wanted me to continue saying I love you and I miss you to him but now he seems like he has gotten colder than ever. I made him this way so I can only blame myself. I want him to be the sweet guy he always was… thank you for all the help you are providing me with, I consider you a friend for helping me out here 🙂 you are amazing Amor!!
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 10:09 am

nope you didnt make him like that.. from how you sound, if he said before that he wants you to keep saying i love you and to talk to him, you did it right? what pushed you to start nc in the first place?
Kikki

January 31, 2017 at 4:49 pm

We are in a long distance relationship I know he still loves me but when he never cares to send me a message unless I do than he just answers but he never contacts first? Should I send him something everyday?
Kikki

January 30, 2017 at 6:56 pm

My first text to him was a funny inside joke about my room being painted pink for a second time (I hate pink and our first convo was about the colour pink). He reacted mad and annoyed and said he thinks I want him back
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 31, 2017 at 2:29 pm

ok if he really is just making religion an excuse and he still loves you, then he has to think first that you’ve really given up and decided to move on..because if he is just being proud, that’s because he knows he can be like that becaude you’re still there.. But if he doesn’t love you and he’s saying the truth about religion, then you have to move on. The only thing that can increase your chances despite that is if he’s really attracted to you to the point that he knows that he either has to compromise or change religion because he knows you’re not his anymore and you’re not changing religion..

that means you have to stop talking to him and focus more again on moving on without totally moving on because he’s just annoyed with your efforts..set the limit on until when you would do that..maybe at least 60 days before initiating again or to totally move on if you decide to stop trying at that point. If hes angry after that 60 days of massive improvement then move on.
Kikki

January 30, 2017 at 6:30 pm

To give some more detail, I would never change my religion and he knew that sinds the beginning. He decided to convert and we were doing well together until I pressured him and hurt him (which I regret deeply), he broke up with me and I begged and pleaded and cried but nothing worked. I then came across your site (thank god) and decided to do the no contact rule, I did it for a full 30days no interuptions. He never contacted during that time and after the 30 days I contacted him. He got mad because he didnt think I would have the power to ignore him. He kept saying things like “I know you are trying to get me back because I know you too well but I cant deal with you religion anymore, if you ever find yourself still alone and without any faith than we can try something out” I think he kust trying to still be in control so I said I have no intention on getting back with him. What do I do next? I really want him back because my love for him is too deep for me to give it up. I did well with no contact, he got mad which means he loves me but he doesnt text unless I do first. I know he still loves me and wants me but he is too stubborn and using religion as an excuse. Please help me! You truly are amazing if you can help my situation 🙂
Kikki

January 29, 2017 at 8:30 pm

I also forgot to mention that he kept pressuring me into finding another man, that he would never want me unless I change my religion and all… it made me upset so what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Hi Kikki,

how long did you do nc? how much did you improve during nc and are you still doing that now? what was the first text? if religion is his non negotiable, are you going to convert?

Megan

January 28, 2017 at 4:02 pm

So my fiance and i were going to get married september 2017. I thought everything was fine and he always told me that he loved me and would even write me letters and show me how much he cared. On a saturday night a few weeks ago i let a friend of mine prank call him for two seconds literally saying “ayy papi” and handing the phone to me. He got upset and i understand he doesnt like it when i let other people use my phone to mess with him. But im young and like to play around sometimes. It was only meant to be a joke. We got into an argument that night but i thought i ended the conversation off well. We were even making plans for what to do tomorrow. But the next morning he says he just got off the phone with “a few people” and calls me just to tell me he has had enough and hangs up on me. He doesnt let me speak and blocks me and my family on everything. Instagram, snapchat, facebook. I’ve talked to his mom and im close to his family. His mom said he is hurting just as much as i am and he even told me that a part of him will always love me. But a couple weeks go by amd i call him. He said he was unhappy with the relationship and that he talked to a premarital councelor but that all he saw was negatives in our relationship and that he didnt care anymore. He said he stopped loving me but i dont understand if only a couple weeks ago he said something different. He said he wont be dating for a long time. Me amd him are both in the military now im marines and he is navy. We dated before the military though but he was always so proud of me for going out and achieving my goals. But after he broke up with me he said that i wasnt taking care of myself and i wasnt independant enough. But im in the marines how can i be more independant than that? I don’t know what i did wrong and he refuses to talk to me. He says that he has made up his mind and wont go back to the relationship but i just want to fix what i did. I don’t know how to get him to listen to me or what to do. But i thought we were so happy together he never told me anything was wrong.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 29, 2017 at 9:57 am

Hi Megan,

do you want to try the no contact rule?

REN

January 23, 2017 at 8:49 am

I have been with my ex for 6 months and we broke up on 5th of november 2016, he still wants me to be friends with him,we work together in the same organisation,i have tried the no contact period but it didnt work for me,he usually comes to say hello to me at my office and even comes to my home. what should i do now because recently he asked me to get tickets for a movie and we go watch together,he even called me one day and told me how much he wanted to come over to my place and prepare food..why all these signals? and if i ask him about a second chance in the relationship he repels and doesnt want to hear about the relationship… what should i do now? please advice me.

REN

February 6, 2017 at 1:24 pm

Hello Amor, just a question! is it possible after three months of the break up wit my ex boyfriend to move on to another relationship with a new girl.?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 6, 2017 at 5:22 pm

there can be a new girl but less likely on totally moving on and not comparing her to you
REN

February 3, 2017 at 8:44 am

Just a question, when an ex keeps on saying we are never getting back together repeatedly after the break up,could he be meaning what he says every time or he just wants to use it to hurt the recipient. because we work together and if i say i want to talk about something else he thinks i want to talk about us getting back together. could that be a weapon against me or what?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 3, 2017 at 6:21 pm

it can be but it can also mean he sees you’re not over him and he doesn’t want you to expect
REN

February 2, 2017 at 5:11 am

yeah i will make sure i complete the world month without a word, and now what should i do his birthday is in march 7th do u think its a good thing to surprise him with a birthday cake at work or i just leave it.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 2, 2017 at 8:01 pm

nope because you’re in nc..
REN

February 1, 2017 at 7:00 am

Hi Amor, i was just wondering, after that terrible fight with my ex boyfriend last friday,the abuses and the insults and the tensions,i havent contacted him since then,am now trying the NC is still there chance of getting back toegther.?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 1, 2017 at 2:50 pm

it’s lesser.. so you have to avoid fighting with him again..
REN

January 30, 2017 at 5:21 am

Well Amor, i will try the NC period but will it even work out, because we work together and me working in accounts he always comes around to sign for vouchers or even transport.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 30, 2017 at 3:10 pm

there’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better to do that than chase him.. Check this one too:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend
REN

January 28, 2017 at 9:03 am

Actually after the quarell yesterday evening when i went to his place, he told me he never wants to be friends with me anymore in his life and i should never ever call him again in life. now what should i do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 28, 2017 at 12:35 pm

for me, if I were you after that, I will move on but if you really want to try, do 45 days nc
REN

January 28, 2017 at 6:26 am

Dear Amor,
please advice me,yesterday i got tickets to the movie which my ex wanted, then when i told him he rejected and changed his mind that he nolonger wants to go out with me. and later on he didnt want to show me his home,but a friend showed me his house and i went there, he shouted at me so badly and held my hands almost threw me down and told me there is no chance of us getting back together anymore.he embarassed me infront of his neighbours. now what should i do? should i just move on with my life?
REN

January 24, 2017 at 1:08 pm

Dear Amor,please advice! what could be all the signs he shows like he is coming back! why doesnt he want to talk about the relationship and getting back together yet he wants to go out with me for a movie, He says what if the relationship doesnt work out,does it mean he has moved on already with someone new.?

should i move on with my life and also get someone else,am so confused just advice me please.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 25, 2017 at 9:52 am

let the days play out what he really wants from you..go out with him if he asks you..if after two weeks nothing progresses, then proceed to nc
REN

January 24, 2017 at 8:08 am

Amor, should i just be friends with him or i should cut off the friend zone with him,because he wants to be friends with me and we work in the same work place,the nc period is really failing because he comes around work and my home,though he made it clear to me that he dosent want to talk about the relationship and what happened to us in the past,because he claims the wounds are still fresh.

Is it ok with me to move on to another relationship beacuse i really tried all my best to get back with my ex but its failing and i feel like time is really running out on my side??
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 23, 2017 at 5:20 pm

Hi Ren,

how many days did you do nc before and did you make it clear that you needed space at that time? That you’re not comfortable of him going in your home? But right now, just let the following days play it out.. but dont be easy.. dont sleep with him..if he wants to go out, go out and have fun

Regina

January 17, 2017 at 10:00 am

Hi everyone 🙂

I read your e-book and it gave me a lot of insight, thank you for that.
However, I do have some questions about my specific situation so I apologize in advance because this is going to get pretty long.

My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We definitely started our relationship too early as I had just ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years 3 months prior. I had told my boyfriend that I really liked him and would like to be friends with him but that I wasn’t ready for a new relationship because I wanted to get my life in order before I started seeing someone else. He seemed fine with it at 1st but then started pursuing me even more, he was very charming and persuasive. Ultimately I fell for him because he made me feel very special and wanted and we started seeing each other way too soon.
It didn’t take long for us to start fighting about the smallest things which I will take full responsibility for. He was very patient and always tried to work things out while I was struggling with myself and my life. Fast forward, he broke up with me 7 months into the relationship saying he never wanted to talk to me again.
Back then I didn’t know about you guys but am somewhat proud to say that I did exactly what you recommend, I didn’t contact him and pretended to be happy. It took him 5 days to come running back and literally beg me to be with him again.
Once again, I knew better but I made the same mistake and took him back. He said he’d be patient and help me however he possibly could.
Fast forward another 4 months and he broke up with me again, this time saying he wanted to be friends. I told him I couldn’t be friends with someone I’m in love with and went into hiding for 2 weeks. I turned off my phone and didn’t go to work because we work together and I couldn’t stand seeing him.
I went back to work after the 2 weeks and he was looking for me and finally got me to talk to him. I knew if I didn’t act like I didn’t care, I’d get emotional and start crying. He was pretty hurt by my “attitude” and called me the next day and told me how much he missed me and all that. Over the course of the following month we got back together. Again, I kinda knew better because I spent most of the time apart hurting instead of making improvements to myself.
Fast forward another 4 months, we’re broken up again. This happened a week and a half ago. We got into it over the phone, I told him off and hung up on him. He sent me a text a few minutes later saying he unfriended me on Facebook and deleted our relationship status and if I ever call him again it better be important. I didn’t respond so half an hour later he sent me 5 super long texts about why he can’t stand being with me anymore, etc. Then he tried calling me. Then he sent me 5 more super long texts saying he doesn’t hate me but still going on about why we can’t be together anymore. Then he tried calling me again. Then he sent me another couple texts saying how all he wanted was me and all he needed was me by his side but that we will never get along for longer than a week. His last text was a picture saying “I love you forever”.

Now, I didn’t respond to any of that. I simply didn’t know how to handle that texting tangent of his. I simply went online and stumbled upon your guide. I figured if anything it would keep me busy reading and I would learn about the make mind.
Within a couple days of the break up he deleted everyone associated with me on Facebook (except his mother, she’s still friends with me). A few days later (a week after the breakup) he left the closed Facebook group we have for our job (after seeing a post a co worker made wishing me well since I’m recovering from surgery). Another few days later he blocked me on Facebook, despite already having unfriended me and me not being able to see anything on his page anyway because he has everything set to private. Oddly enough, that happened within a couple minutes of me updating my profile picture which wasn’t even a picture of us. So I’m assuming he was snooping around while I was doing that, haha.
He hasn’t blocked me anywhere else, I can’t look at his other social media because we’re not friends but I’m only blocked on Facebook for some reason. I don’t know for sure why he did it but I feel like he’s fishing for a reaction because he hasn’t gotten anything from me since I hung up on him and to be honest that’s unusual for me. Normally if we got into it over the phone/text, I would respond but this time I’ve had it.

I have a whole list of things I want to accomplish in the new year, so I was very happy to read about the Holy Trinity 🙂 I just wish I had actually listened to my better judgement from the get go but I can’t change it now.

Anyway, regardless of my plans for my own life, I can’t help but be in love with him. So I guess my questions are: what are my chances of getting him back based on our break up track record, this being the 3rd time. Not anytime super soon obviously because I’m finally learning from my previous mistakes, just in general. Also, would like to know how to apply NC at work in case he tries to approach me like he has in the past because I’m determined to follow through this time. And does anyone understand what’s going on in his mind while he’s doing all his little social media stuff? 😀 is he really looking for a reaction or is it something else? What am I missing here?

Thank u for everything guys 🙂

Regina

January 17, 2017 at 11:07 pm

Thank you, I read the guide and will apply NC accordingly. However, earlier today he actually reached out to me asking me to let him know when he could stop by to get his things. I haven’t responded and really don’t want to since we’re in NC and I’m not planning on going back to work for another week. How do I react if he shows up at my house? Should I just not open the door? Or when he approaches me at work next week? It’s not hard to avoid him at work without making it obvious, should I just go with that?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 18, 2017 at 4:51 pm

just be civil and polite.. don’t initiate any relationship talk
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2017 at 7:27 pm

Hi Regina,

the more you break up and get back together, makes the relationship on and off which gived you higher chance of getting him back but not making him stay.. usually for on and off couples we recommend at least 45 days.. he probably wants to show you he’s doing fine through his posts, just ignore it..and check the link below for applying the no contact rule at work:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Morgan

December 29, 2016 at 7:06 pm

This is kind of a long one but I figured I’d give a shot. My ex and I were together for almost five years and have three kids together. He left me shortly after our third child was born and moved into his current girlfriends house almost immediately. Flash forward eight months and they’re still together. He tells me that their current relationship is not the same and that he’s not always happy, but he’s alright. Is there anything that I can do to get him back? He’s said that he misses me but thinks that the damage is irreparable. I know deep down he still has feelings for me, but I’m not sure if it’s too late or not.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 30, 2016 at 12:16 pm

Hi Morgan,

is it because he still sees the old you in you?

Franzi

December 27, 2016 at 4:49 pm

So my boyfriend broke up with me half a year ago and I cant forget him and I can’t stop loving him. it all started will problems from my side I had a few problems after we came back a really long trip and I was really clingy and wasn’t really nice to him because of my problems. I told him everything just one thing I didn’t told him because he Couldnt got along with all my problems and we had a lot of fighting because we Couldnt understand each and so he broke up in a fight half a year ago and I don’t know what to do anymore. I started with the no contact rule and then I contacted him and he said it’s too early to have contact now so I don’t know because i don’t know what to do I never really fight for him because I knew I need to give him space and I don’t know it didn’t work out so what do I have to do. I am really sad and crying a lot last weeks and I’m thinking about him all this time and I really want to do some action to proof and how I am now and that I’m the same girl he fell love with at first time and I don’t know how to do this and I really want to tell him the reasons why I was so mean to him all this time but I think he might miss understand all this and just think that I want to tell HIm just to justify myself. Then he can fall in love with me again because that was never a problem he was in love with me after he broke up with me but he couldnt handle all my problems and our problems. if I could tell him what was the reasons from both of our sides I think we might get back together but I’m so scared that he will push me back again if I will tell him now I think it’s more about A month that we didn’t saw each other and we didn’t contact but he also can see all the time my snaps and my Instagram photos and all what I’m doing on Facebook so can you please help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 29, 2016 at 1:48 pm

Hi Franzi,

you need to let go of the previous relationship because that was done..If you want a chance, take this as a restart.. dont be the same girl because he left that.. be better.. you said it’s just been a month since you last saw each other, so that means you saw each other 5 months after the break up but you didn’t explain? or he didn’t ask you? If you didn’t massively improved and changed yourself, do that first instead of trying to convince him with words

Sammy

December 20, 2016 at 7:40 am

My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! He has never texted me first during these two weeks. What should I do now !

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 22, 2016 at 3:29 pm

Hi,

even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

Saya

December 17, 2016 at 2:31 pm

Its about 5 month we broke up . I had a great relationship with My boy friend and for both of us this kind of relationship with so much love was new and we liked it so much and we enjoyed of being in love .
After 8 month of being so much in love and having best memory he started to talking about break up . I didnt gave up and tried my best . But i felt he looking for some bullshit to convicded me and himself that this relationship doesnt work anymore . I was sure its not about other girl and he didnt cheated on me . I knew he had so many problem in his work and his family . And sometimes we had some small fight like every couple . He told me i cant stand it anymore we had so much fight . I think we cant fix it anymore . But it was an excuse. i tried to understod i didnt fight with him anymore . even when he said lets just be friends i accepted . I just wanted him to be calm but After four month nothing changed and he didnt want to came back and fix our relationship . Everything was just like before we were faithful everyday we saw eachother we had sex just like before . but there was no feeling from him . And he afraid to being romantic with me again . One day he told me i dont know what we are . I am confiused about everything in my life and i’m not happy anymore . I dont know what i want . I asked him its becouse of me? He said no everything in my life is so missed up and i dont know what to do . Then i told ok if you want to go i let u go . . I tried my best for u . He said i know i’m sorry i didnt want to hurt you .
That was soooo hard for me but i didn’t want to push him to stay with me .
i knew he loved me and I thought if he has space to think about me and everything i done for him he will regret . So i did this with hoping that he’ll come back to me very soon .
But he left and did NOTHING after our break up not even one text . I did no contact rule more than 2 month and was just like hell . I cried so much i crashed but never let myself to text him .
nothing happend . Eventually I called him about 1/5 – 2 month ago . I didnt talk about us or our break up i acted cool and just talked about normal stuff and he was so so so nice and kind and said i’m glad you called . but he didnt say he wants to see me and didnt called me or texted me .
I dont know what to do anymore . I cant move on because i still love him and care about him . I know he loved me so much but he afraid and tried turn off his feeling . In this 5 month i tried to find myself and be a better person . I’m ok if it takes time but i want him back . What can i do ??

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 20, 2016 at 11:06 pm

Hi Saya,

You can’t force somebody who doesn’t want to be with you. But in those months, how much did you really improve? How different are you from the girl he broke up with? And in the last conversation, if you chased him, that means you didn’t change much.

Kady

December 13, 2016 at 8:56 pm

So me and my ex were together on and off for almost 5 years (high school and college). I officially ended things in 2011 because of trust issues since we were long distance and both of schedules were crazy since we were in college. In 2014, we reconnected briefly but I found that I was not over him and asked that we refrain from speaking. He was upset and begged that we remain friends because I was such an important person in his life but I stressed that it would not be healthy for me and he respected my wishes. This weekend I got to thinking about him so I sent him a friend request on facebook (we stopped being facebook friends in 2010 as it was an area of tension) and yesterday I sent him a message. He responded positively and we talked half of the day about life in general. Throughout the conversation he mentioned how surprised he was to hear from me, how nice it was to talk to me again, that we should talk later and not to let 2 years go by before we speak again. The conversation was also loaded with emojis such as the winky face, blushing face, and laughing all from him. I feel that we may be able to have a better relationship this time around since we have both grown and are not kids anymore. I definitely want him back but I don’t want to get my hopes up since he is currently in the military and will be gone for at least 2 more years. How should I proceed from here?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 12:57 am

HI Kady,

that means you have to rebuild rapport first. When is he going to military? I think you need to check this:
Getting An Army, Military Or Navy Ex Boyfriend Back

Pippa

December 10, 2016 at 2:26 am

So after reading this article the suggestion is that a long term approach to getting back with your ex is advisable – is that right?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Hi Pippa,

yep, it’s the long term approach

Lia

November 19, 2016 at 1:46 pm

Five weeks ago (early October) my boyfriend moved out whilst I was away. He left a letter saying he had doubts/something missing that he couldn’t shake and didn’t want to waste any more of my time, knowing I wanted kids. We’d been together for 3.5 years. In May he’d suggested we buy a house, he even suggested a rough budget. In June work was intense/he was unhappy at his work and then his Dad got sick. It wad full on. By July he told me he needed space and moved out but quickly came back as I got injured and was on crutches. We carried on and had an amazing holiday to Asia and were talking about getting cats, christmas and plans and then this happened. I was brave and met him two days after he moved out and told him u agreed to split, we couldn’t carry on like this but thought it was a massive mistake. I tried texting him after a month -light breezy text and got no reply. His sister in law told me he said he is sticking to his decision. Our mutual friend thinks it is panic but said I shouldn’t chase him, he is not worth it. He offered to try and speak to him but doesn’t aee him very often. His sister in law is going to ask his brother to pass on a message that if he wants to get in touch in few weeks, I would like to speak even as friends My ex has left some things at my place that I think he’d want (sofabed, table, etc). I am considering next steps. Do I a) text and say I need to sort a few things out Inc arrange for him to get his stuff? (Pros: shows I am moving on, gets him to see me, cons: riskier approach, comes across as final). B) wait a while and try a new interesting text… Pros: gentler approach, he may need more time cons: doesn’t deal with his stuff at my place/drags out pain… C) text his mum to say how much ive valued being part of her family and farewell, id hoped he’d change his mind, say I miss him/her – say I now accept situation. Message will likely get relayed to him. (Pros: get insider knowledge, gives impression i still care but am moving on; cons: could be awkward….D) write him a letter in due course starting how i really feel. And respond to some of the points in his letter. Knowing then I’ve tried everything Draw a line under it and move on. I’d very much welcome advice.dont want to do anything in a rush if I ruin my chances as I love him dearly despite his actions.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 1:15 pm

HI lia,

if you are going to do the no contact rule, it’s ok to talk to him about giving things but if it’s not that important, it would be better to just focus in healing and improving yourself for at least 30 days..

Anona

November 19, 2016 at 12:25 pm

My ex boyfriend and I broke up two months after his mom’s passing. I really wish you would elaborate on men who are grieving and how that can affect a breakup. My ex boyfriend and I got into a petty message via text messaging a few weeks ago. Usually one of us calls the other the patch up our differences within a day or two. (We live two hours away from each other). Long story short I tried to contact him after a week, and his response was cold. He now refuses to answer my calls and blames me for our predicament. This stonewalling from him is painful and my only conclusion is this is a breakup. I have given up contacting him and deleting him from my Facebook account. A petty disagreement and now we’re not talking. I feel that his grief is pushing him away from me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 22, 2016 at 12:30 pm

Hi Anona,

you have to give him space and let him grieve.. Try doing a 30 day no contact period. At least that way you could focus in improving yourself..be active in social media..

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