How Often Do Exes Come Back- An Exact Percentage

131 thoughts on “How Often Do Exes Come Back After A Breakup?”

Nellie Hayes

April 7, 2020 at 11:32 pm

Hey there! My relationship just ended. We’ve been together almost two years. We decided to move out of state together. He moved Jan 1st, and I moved about a month later. We had been arguing nonstop since I moved. We’ve been pretty on and off until this past Saturday, when he finally kicked me out and I drove 16 hours home. Things were very hot and cold, on and off, and I’ve started no contact. I’m 3 days in. How often can you get an ex back after a nasty breakup?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 10, 2020 at 12:32 am

Hi Nellie it starts with a 45 day NC and you working on yourself int hat time, look up the information to become Ungettable and I would also look at the reasons that the relationship wasnt working, what was causing the break ups

Jules

April 5, 2020 at 10:35 pm

My now ex boyfriend and I have broke up I discovered 3 months in our amazing relationship he has a substance addiction I left knowing I still love him and I feel guilty for leaving in regards to him not getting help we are now in a difficult time with this growing coronavirus and having no help for him he chose the wrong path he had been lying and perhaps cheating I don’t know for certain but he has blocked me and I cannot reach out or afraid of rejection . I have read the examples listed in your article and mine doesn’t quite match but my question is will I ever hear from him again ? A question I seek

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 7, 2020 at 11:27 pm

Hi Jules its not possible for me to tell you, that you will definitely hear from him again. I would say that if you work the Ungettable girl information and apply this to your life adn use social media how great you are doing it is more likely they will want to talk to you again. We suggest that you reach out to your ex after 30 days of No Contact

Marie

March 27, 2020 at 10:24 pm

Hi Chris,

So I was together with my ex for more than half a year, then i made him like a second choice and start going out with other guys. When he found out, he was heartbroken and ask for break up. I really regret what I did and I begged and pleaded him to stay because everytime I ask if he still loves me he said ‘yes but it won’t work’. We were on and off until 6 months, I can see his attitude changes in time (less interested), until he got a new job (which is further from me 3 hours drive). Then he started to ask advice from his new friends there, and they said we were toxic.

He left me again and said he needed to be firm this time and he doesn’t see a hope in us because everyone says so. And he said he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore.

Since our break up, I didn’t contact him for 1 week, then i said i miss him. Then he blocked me again ( the first one after the breakup), then when i do another 1 week no contact and ask if we can meet up at his house he only replied no.

Now I’m doing NC again and it has been 3 weeks, but I can see from his spotify list that he has already moved on because he no longers hear to sad songs. I’m afraid that I will reach 66 days of habit rule. What should I do? Should I contact him after 45 days? (Which is 20 april since the day i last ask if we could meet up). Please answer.

Our age is both 24. And due to this corona issue, I’m very worried about him. (Some people said he got a new gf but I don’t know the validity in that).

What should i do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 30, 2020 at 11:35 pm

Hi Marie, so yes you reach out when you get to 45 days of NC and if he has someone else in his life you need to read about the being there method too. Make sure you plan your texts in the mean time so that you can plan for all outcomes, and also make sure that you are ending the conversation first.

Sean

March 14, 2020 at 8:40 am

I’m not sure if my situation is unique or not. My fiance and I were together for 5 1/2 years. For the last 2 years of our relationship we had grown distant and were more or less living as roommates. Not necessarily because anything bad had happened, but that was just the routine we’d slipped into.
About a month ago I discovered my ex was having an online affair with her best friend and her best friend’s husband and had been making plans to join them in a poly relationship. I confronted her. She claims it never became physical. We originally agreed to try to fix things but within 5 days she had changed her mind and ended our relationship. She’s moved out and now lives with her father. She claims that everything that was going on with this couple has stopped and she is not currently seeing them as they are having their own family issues that they are trying to work on. So, they’ve effectively put everything on hold. She also claims that they told her that she needs to take time to figure out what she wants out of life and not just jump into another relationship.
Her and I are still in contact as we have shared responsibilities to deal with (not kids). When she ended things she did say she wanted to try to build a friendship with me and “who knows, maybe even date again eventually”. I initially made the mistakes of trying to stay in contact and change her mind, etc. and her reception was very cold. I have now instituted no contact. I’m only a few days in so we’ll see how it goes. But I have to wonder if there is even a chance here.
Anonymous

February 16, 2020 at 8:24 am

hi..i am in relationship for 8 months and our relationship is an intercaste one …i live in a place where caste is really important and i dont know what to do …my boyfriend is a commitment phobic since his family wont approve me…and we both are studying in the same college …we have broken up for several times and i apply no contact rule and he come back within 1 week…but we again broke up on this feb 14 ,2020…due to a fight and he said “this time i wont come back “.i never begged …he said “take time to heal” but i want him…will he come back again like …the past or move on…i need help!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 16, 2020 at 8:58 am

Hey there, so ignore the family issues for a moment, and notice that when you go into no contact he is back within a week. But what the reason things are not working out is that you are both the same people, you need to start working on yourself so that you can grow as a person, and if he is not going to commit to you and use his family as an excuse then you need to start casually dating other people in school. Of course, this should make him jealous and he will either commit to you properly or he’ll show you he is not interested in a long term relationship.

Lee

February 7, 2020 at 8:28 am

Hi, EBR Team! Will no contact work the third time?
I was with my boyfriend for 7 years and 6 months ago he suddenly wanted the break up. I did NC twice–first only lasted for 14 days after we officially broke up and the second time lasted 35 days (in December). I am now doing another NC this month because I got tired for asking him to let me see him but all I got was “this isn’t the right time yet” & says “we will definitely talk someday”. Just wanna add up that he was also in a rebound relationship twice and the last relationship failed but they are still together as “friends” because of school.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 9:39 pm

Hey Lee, so yes it can work a third time but it is essential that you complete it properly to a full 45 days and work on yourself in that time. Learn to be self confident and know exactly what you are worth and that will show through your communication when you speak again

Natalia

December 16, 2019 at 7:08 am

I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 7 months (I am 21 and he is 22) We met in college. We started as friends and were slowly progressing to something more. He has always told me he never wanted a relationship because he did not feel ready, because of his past experiences (his parents got a divorce when he was in primary school and he had a toxic 2 year relationship at age 18). I replied that I never wanted to be friends with benefits because it feels wrong, but he said that he understood and he would never want to use me. Over time we created a strong bond and he’s told me I was the most important person in his life. He truly cared about me, our relationship was really good and happy. Then after 5 months together I got pregnant. We both agreed to abortion and he has always been supporting me after that. He even said that he felt closer to me after this experience. 1,5 months after abortion he started to be busy with work and school and was forgetting to text me back more often (once he disappeared for 4 days in the middle of the conversation). I asked him out to talk to him about this. He agreed. When I told him how I felt I assured me that his feelings didn’t change and he was just busy and he was sorry. I hugged him and said that I understand. But then I told him I loved him for the first time. He said it back. But after a while he apologized and said he did not mean to say that. I told him that after everything that happened I am not able to be his friend only and that the best option is to never see each other again. He started crying (I’ve never seen him crying before) and he said that he wants me in his life and he wants to be in my life and he got attached to me, but he did not love me and he was sorry BUT also he did not know what love is. He wanted to be friends and said he would miss having someone to talk to about his deepest feelings and thoughts.
After that day we met again to talk about this. He said the same thing, that he didn’t love me. He was all tense and nervous all the time. He said he needed to work on himself to get on a job as a firefighter and would have no time for anyone, and he did not want to make his happiness depend on someone else, and that he was not ready for a committed relationship. And he said in the end that he wished that we could be friends.

I really care about him and I know that what we had was strong and beautiful. We understood each other 100%, we never had fights. If we did not agree with anything we would talk about it calmly. We both have the same goals (we both want to be firefighters) and we had plans together for the next year.

I am giving him time, no-contact rule. I know he needs it, but I am also anxious if he will ever come back. It’s been a month since we broke up.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 22, 2019 at 3:53 pm

Hey Natalia so it does sound like hes been honest with you that he does not love you the way you want him to and you were more a friend with benefits but the emotion was there for your rather than him. While he spends the time working on himself and getting into the line of work you both want, you need to do the same live your life and focus on the things you want (apart from him) and also date casually as he may need to feel the fear of loss to get him to make that sort of commitment

Ann

December 9, 2019 at 12:57 am

It’s now been about 5 months since my ex broke up with me. We talked a few times, nothing about our relationship and no final closure, he just said he didn’t feel the same for me. Our relationship had no fights or real problems, but he claimed he lost feelings for me. It’s been a little past two months since he stopped talking to me completely… he deleted me from everything but I see him on his friends’ posts sometimes and he looks happy. I’m happy that he’s happy but something in me doesn’t feel right about all this. I don’t know what goes through his head, if he wonders if we should talk about why he fell out of love, or if he even thinks about me and what we lost. If it’s been 5 months since the breakup and about 2 months of no contact… is it time for me to give up? I’ve worked on moving on from the pain and heartbreak of him falling out of love, but right now I would like a sense of peace in knowing if I should hold onto some hope that he’ll eventually reach out, or if this is truly a chapter of my life I need to close. We really did have a wonderful relationship and during the breakup months ago, he told me he was happier with me than being alone. I want us to be okay, but I also respect his space and I understand if he doesn’t want me around. I just want us to be able to talk about it and I don’t know how to make that happen because I feel like it’s just too late. And advice?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 14, 2019 at 9:51 pm

Hi Ann, so the fact you want to have this emotional conversation with him about what happened I promise you is not going to make you feel any better. If anything it will raise feelings you had when the initial break up happened. If its the sense of closure you want then you can go over the end of your relationship and make notes of when you notice he was pulling away or seemed less invested in spending time with you etc.

If you want to get him back then I suggest you do the work to become Ungettable and work towards that aim so that when you do speak to him casually he will start to remember what he fell for in the first place, but this time allow it to be a case of him chasing you

Anon

November 20, 2019 at 2:33 am

Hi Shaunna…

I don’t think he would be interested in the concert because he’s not into that band as much as I am. Also, he’s a quiet guy who basically works all the time and just likes football. That’s it. It’s hard to find an opening subject to talk to him about, but you’re right, I shouldn’t ask to talk because that would push him away more. A lot of my friends have told me it’s time to let him go and forget about it, but I can’t do that because I still see a chance for us based on the articles I’ve read from Chris. Neither of us cheated or fought, just that his feelings were lost. I know they can be brought back but how? What can I do before the 45 day period ends to ensure he isn’t forgetting me? 🙁

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 8:39 pm

You need to think what attracted him in the first place, and who you were. He is not going to forget you within 45 days lovely. Following the process is going to give you, your best chance

Anon

November 19, 2019 at 7:31 pm

Hi Shaunna,

Thank you for getting back to me. I have been enjoying college and hanging with friends, I even went to a concert (and I haven’t been to one in years). I know I mentioned to you that my ex and I were already in no contact after he deleted me from his only social media in October. It’s been almost 45 days since we’ve spoken and I’m a little afraid that he’s completely over me and has moved on.

Is it a bad idea to reach out to him and ask to speak? Our breakup was four months ago and it happened entirely over the phone, and he said he avoided seeing me because he didn’t want me to cry. We were so distant due to work that I hadn’t seen him in two weeks, before the breakup even happened. Now it’s been months and I can’t believe he doesn’t even reach out to me. I feel like I want to see him just one more time. I know this won’t change his mind, but I feel like we deserve a real talk in person. We’ve both never had a real relationship before, and I feel like it ended because of the lack of experience and him not being willing to fight for it. I want us to talk but I don’t wanna reach out to him if he’ll ignore my text again. It feels like he’s forgotten all about me and he’s moving on, and even though I’m doing better now, I miss him every day. A few months ago he told me he doesn’t care for me in the way of emotional attachment but he cares for me as a person… does that mean all Hope is lost? Most importantly, what do I do when the 45 days are up? He doesn’t respond to me or care for what I say… it’s like no matter what I say, he’ll ignore.

I appreciate your advice and feedback, thank you for everything.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 19, 2019 at 8:08 pm

So no it isnt a bad idea to reach out, but you do not ask him to talk. You mentioned a concert, would he have enjoyed it? Interested in who you went to see? That would be my opening to talk to him. Or something along the lines that you know he would have enjoyed doing that you have recently done

Anon

November 5, 2019 at 3:15 pm

My boyfriend left me 4 months ago, but for the first 2 months we talked a few times. We are both in college, he just turned 22 and I turned 21. Do we still have a chance to be together, even if it seems like he is completely done and moved on? Neither of us are dating anyone else, but he left because he lost feelings for me and now he wants to be alone to focus on himself. He doesn’t see a future for us and said I deserve the best and he hopes I’m happy. The breakup made him seem cold and distant, and I think it’s because he has an avoidant personality and I have an anxious one. He deleted me from social media and we don’t have any mutual friends, but he seems to be doing good, from what I can tell. Maybe guys don’t miss us like we miss them, but it just seems like my chances to get him back are low. We are already in no contact, and I already post cool stuff to my social media, but he has no way of seeing it. I feel like I’m the lowest I’ve ever been, but I was fine just a month ago. What else can I do? How long does it take to get back an ex who seems avoidant?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 1:43 am

Hi there, so yes you do but oyu need to work on being the Ungettable girl and show your ex how youre so worth his time and wanting you back. Live your life, enjoy college and be social with friends.

Ingrid

November 2, 2019 at 9:55 pm

My ex and I broke up on April. We had 0 contact for 2 months. Tried to reconcile but didn’t truly happened. At the end on July he blocked me on Whattsapp. We were not friends on facebook or IG. Yesterday, after almost 3 months of no contact, he unblocked me. He has not written to me. Yes! I do check every week if I am still blocked because I do send him messages I know he wouldn’t receive…

I know that being unblocked means nothing. He never reached out for me. But the feelings came back. Truth be told …It’s eating me alive.
Tasha

November 2, 2019 at 3:34 pm

Hi there, I’ve posted this couple of times because I hadn’t gotten a response and I wasn’t really sure what category this fits.
I dated my boyfriend for right at a year and we were starting to get closer (taking trips and going to family weddings, etc). He always said that this was the happiest he’s been. Suddenly, he started pulling away. Next thing I know he was breaking up with me, telling me that he didn’t want kids or to get married. I was devastated and didn’t understand why, especially since we never really had those conversations before. At the time he told me that it was because he wanted to focus on his career but he said that he loved me tremendously… he just couldn’t give me what he felt I deserved. I was confused. I thought we were in a great place. I couldn’t implement NCR. 1. I didn’t know what it was. 2. It was too hard, I would proudly try not to contact but I’d always cave (I did this for roughly about 7 days after the break up). But whenever I’d text or call he’d always respond. The last time we met in person, he revealed that the “real” reason for the break up is because he didn’t agree with my family (who have been nothing, but nice to him but he’s morally conflicted due to differences in beliefs). He felt that we were getting closer to marriage and he knew this would be a conflict and he didn’t want to put be in a position to have to choose. This was like a knife to my heart. He also admitted he felt like he was making a mistake and he’d probably never find anyone he’d love as much as me. He admitted that he was having doubts. This gave me hope that he could change his mind. So I began calling & texting more for about 3 more days, thinking that we could work on this, and of course he always responded… with long texts explaining how he loves me but he doesn’t know how we can move forward. I never gave him the space he needed. We had one last meeting, after which, he pretty much said his mind was fixed and he wouldn’t budge on his feelings for my family. Again, still stating that I’m perfect for him, telling me I deserve the world and professing his love for me but washing his hands with it and not wanting to prolong the “inevitable.” I didn’t want him to leave. He stayed. We laughed. We cried but eventually he said I had to let him go. I love him and I feel that he’s the one. And I know that he loves me and I don’t think there’s anyone else. He basically gave me 4 different reasons for the breakup. Regardless of the true reason, the inevitable could be that he just doesn’t want to be with me. On the other hand he could be just scared. Do you think that we can be restored or should I just move on? I’m really hoping to gain some insight on this. Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 9, 2019 at 12:54 am

Hi Tasha, if you can find one of your previous posts I do remember replying to you myself.

Jessica

September 8, 2019 at 10:13 pm

My boyfriend ended it 3 months ago after 8 years. We never broke up before and only fought in the first 3 years over little things. We dont really speak as much anymore and he does have someone new. Was with her same month we broke up. What are chance of getting back together?

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 9:35 pm

Hi Jessica, if he has got with someone quickly its likely to be a rebound so follow the program complete your NC and make sure you’re the best version of yourself so he sees that you are the better woman.

Christopher

September 3, 2019 at 1:06 am

I once had a very special relationship with an unforgettable girl whom I grew very attached to. She ended it because I was too clingy, simple as that. I gave her very sentimental gifts such as paintings and letters. During the relationship, she said that she never felt this way about anyone else and I hadn’t either. Thing is that we are both young and odd people. But I know that what we felt was real. We never argued yet we talked so so much. We shared so many special moments and I felt that if true love was real that that was my counterpart. She ended off saying that my clinginess made her sick. Any chance at all?
Elodie

July 1, 2019 at 10:28 pm

My ex and I broke up a month ago, after being together for 5 months, and we didn’t talk for 25 days, the longest we’ve ever gone not talking since the day we met. A few days ago I messaged him to see how he was and we had a good conversation. He was angry that his friends had been messaging me but the conversation was generally positive. And we’ve spoken twice more since then.
I used the information in another of your article when in regards to texting an ex, by using rapport texts, and every time the response was positive. I’m just not sure what this means in regards to getting back together? Is he just being friendly or does he still love me?
He never gave me a reason for the breakup, he had said a week before he was struggling with his depression, but didn’t say this was why he broke up with me. Since the break up he’s been sleeping around, so I don’t know if this was what he wanted all along because if he has depression why would he do this?

Chris Seiter

July 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm

Hi Elodie…just keeping moving forward with the teachings of my Plan- Ex boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle – and remember to think in terms of small steps. No rush here. Avoid relationship topics if he continues to respond, but don’t over communicate. Leave room for him to reach out and continue to do things to reinforce your value via social media and your friend’s network.

Deedee

May 21, 2019 at 6:07 pm

Hi – you mentioned a point in this article about couples who live together and it being a whole different set of problems in the likelihood of getting back together. Can you elaborate a little bit more on this, please?
My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We live together, but he owns the place. I packed a bag and am staying with a friend until I can get all my stuff out this weekend.
I know he loves me and didn’t want this, but he said he needed some time and that he wasn’t sure we were meant for each other.
Regardless, can you please touch upon the living together likelihood?

Chris Seiter

May 21, 2019 at 8:12 pm

Hi Deedee…..so it seems to me that a good way forward to to adopt the No Contact Rule in the way I teach it in my Program. There are many facets to the ex recovery process so its hard to cover it all offer here. But that is why I put together a comprehensive Program (EBR PRO Bundle) that helps with all this.

Nick

May 19, 2019 at 3:54 am

So, my girlfriend and i have been together four years but I sent her home. She broke up with me last month , that lasted two weeks, then we broke up again two weeks later. Now, we still see each other almost every day and talk every day. With as little information possible do y’all think we are going to get back together or why would she agree or want to see me or go on dates . She just has setup boundaries with good reason .

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2019 at 2:36 pm

Hi Nick…its usually best to have a sensible ex recovery plan as that will improve your chances of getting your ex back. So take a look at my Program to get a better read on how you should proceed.

Lindsey

May 13, 2019 at 1:28 pm

My my ex and I were together for 2 years it wasn’t perfect, we had normal problems but overall the relationship was good. We have been apart for 2 months however the no contact was never implemented because I had someone telling me to keep communication open and going.. will no contact work now and do I still have a chance of getting him back?
Pauline

April 13, 2019 at 3:15 pm

My boyfriend and I had a lot of fights after he moved to my city nine months ago (after a 1.5-year long distance relationship). Two weeks ago, we had two huge fights and I asked to break up. A week later I asked him if he wanted to fix our issues, and he insisted that we don’t work as a couple and should stay friends for good. We had quite many small fights from time to time, but I love him a lot.

The issue that I mentioned is living together. I really wanted to but he never wanted to. He also changed his mind before the fights about going back to his hometown for Christmas – he said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I have a feeling that he’s not ready to do any sort of commitment other than being exclusive.

He treats me quite well day to day though, and I think we had a pretty good connection. I have been in NC for two weeks now, but I bumped into him accidentally and we didn’t greet each other.

He texted me everyday for the first week and asked to meet, but I refused because I was an emotional wreck. I told him I need some time and space and I don’t want to stay friends. He replied he misses me and is worried to lose me. But after that he didn’t text me anything.

This week our mutual friend told me that although they didn’t talk about this explicitly, he didn’t seem interested in getting back together with me and is working towards moving on.

Do I still have a chance to get him back? I miss him a lot and I value our connection. I know that he’s on Tinder again, and I am worried that he will be in a relationship before my 60-day NC ends.

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131 thoughts on “How Often Do Exes Come Back After A Breakup?”