How To Act Around Your Ex (When You Want Them Back)

57 thoughts on “How To Act Around Your Ex”

Maria

November 14, 2020 at 10:42 pm

I just wondering if you guys can help to coaching…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 15, 2020 at 12:36 pm

Hi Maria, here is the link for coaching, keep checking for available slots

https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/coaching/

Ana

September 15, 2020 at 6:03 am

My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year. Over a month ago I broke up with my ex and had no contact with him for that entire month. Prior to the break up we didn’t see each other for a month. I asked him a few weeks back if we could meet for dinner somewhere. Yesterday we meet for the first time since the break up. It started out great. He complimented me and was very kind the entire time. We went to a nice restaurant and had dinner and wine. One conversation led to another that led to me bringing up our past relationship, which caused me to be upset and become emotional. He was open to the conversation and did partake in discussing the relationship. We never even got to eat our meals because the situation became to involved and emotional. After leaving the restaurant we spoke more outside and one of the questions I asked him was why he loved me.. he replied because your beautiful, smart, sexy, fun and a great person. But he also said at dinner that just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they can be together. In the end, he drove me home walked me to the my door…came inside and gave me a hug and a kiss. He then left. I sent him him a text asking if he got home safe. He replied early the next morning that he got home safe.. and immediately passed out. I know the meeting went wrong and so I asked if we can have a do over. He agreed. The next meet will not be in a restaurant setting. I very much love him, but I also know we see things through different lenses regarding the relationship. Our chemistry is amazing when we are together… always excited to see each other. During no contact I have learned a lot more about myself and have established a better understanding on how he views certain things that created some of my concerns with building a relationship with him. Any advice of how to approach our next meet and rebuilding the relationship going forward?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 4, 2020 at 6:55 pm

Hi Ana, so your next meet up needs to be fun, enjoyable and let him leave you feeling your experience was a positive one. Do not allow it to be a deep and emotional conversation as this is going to cause a negative vibe between you both. You need to be a person he has positive feelings around if you want to get back together.

Maggie

August 28, 2020 at 9:10 am

Hi, my ex and I broke up about a month ago. Since then I used the no contact rule and he reached out to me like 5/6 times always asking me how I was doing even thought sometimes I ignored him, answered very shortly and told him not to reach out to me if his only goal was to be friends. So the day before yesterday he asked me if I wanted to see him one of these days just to talk about what’s going on in our lives. I said that I would have think about it. I don’t think he would ask me to reconcile, I think he wants to take thing slow and so do I. I want to make sure that he is changed. Do you have any particular advice of what I should do to re-attract him and get him back? Of course i’ll do all the things you said in this article, hope it works. Thank you!
Jessica

August 12, 2020 at 3:27 am

Hey!
My ex actually texted me wanting to meet up after 4 weeks of no contact as I had mentioned to him before we went our separate ways that I would like to give the relationship another go. He texted me saying he is ready to talk about what I had suggested and we will be meeting this Sunday. I am not sure what to expect. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 15, 2020 at 3:14 pm

Hi Jessica, from what I can work out your meet up is tomorrow, make sure that you go looking good be happy and confident. Do not appear upset or if he feels that it is not right to get back together – agree with him. Even if you do not feel this way. You need to take things slow as ideally you would have spent some time texting and building rapport with your ex instead of going straight for the meet up. However, emotional control and confidence is key for tomorrow.

Jeatro

August 8, 2020 at 1:19 pm

Hi, I’m incerdibly thankful for writing and commenting in this plspecial platform.

Advise please!!
I just reconnect with my ex recently. And I don’t know how to ask her for a lunch, coffee etc, please advise. I visited her to collect something she s been selling. And she was comfortable to speak to me, and now I can call her anytime and she responds positively, but I want to propose a lunch or coffee with her, I need tips

Regards
Jeatro

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

August 8, 2020 at 11:03 pm

Hey Jeatro, if you have been back in contact for more than 4 weeks then I would suggest that you ask her if she would like to go get some coffee – lunch may be too much too soon. You need to start small and work your way up to longer meet ups. Also do not call it a date… Just ask, “Would you like to meet for coffee?”

Meg

August 2, 2020 at 9:59 pm

Hi, I love reading all the advice you guys give! So true! Was about 2 weeks into no contact and I asked him to come to my place to talk and he agreed. It’s the day after tomorrow…. I originally wanted tomorrow but he mentioned the following day.
Anon

July 25, 2020 at 1:55 pm

wondering how to approach the situation if they’re in a new relationship and you’re going to be at a party they will also be at (we’ve been broken up for awhile but i still have feelings for him etc)

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 25, 2020 at 2:08 pm

In this situation, you make sure you are confident, contain your emotions, do not get drunk if you feel that you could end up having conversations or making a show of yourself. Be polite and happy around your ex and new partner if they are there too. And just act as if he is an acquaintance.

tinashe

July 13, 2020 at 9:51 am

Am actually gonna be doing that today.
i will update you once i hit my doormate back home

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

July 13, 2020 at 4:25 pm

Awesome!

Anon

June 20, 2020 at 12:26 pm

Recently been dumped by the father of my child. It ended due to me been very aggressive due to previous relationship and now Ive ruined this one. As the last few months I wasn’t getting wat I needed it led me to cheat which he also found out. I really want to get him back. Please help

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

June 20, 2020 at 12:36 pm

Hi there, so I would suggest that you visit a local therapist or doctor for some counselling advice on how to move past your previous issues. You are going to have to deal with those issues before you get into another relationship or you are going to repeat the same patterns.

Anon

May 4, 2020 at 2:29 pm

I haven’t seen my ex in a couple of months until recently. We had a pretty messy breakup, back in August, but weren’t really over until October. After that we tried to be friends but it was very difficult, so ultimately we just ended up not talking at all. We were recently at a mutual friends party, first time seeing each other in a while. I’ve lost weight, and I looked good. I did all of the above and I’ve actually been doing well overall since the breakup, but I can’t deny that I still hurt and I still miss him. So anyway I did all of the above well, but at the end of the night when we all left, I sent him a text and asked him if he wanted something back that belongs to him that I’ve had since the breakup. he responded and said that he did want it back and then when I said he could get it whenever, he didn’t respond. I was really drunk and it was like 2:30 in the morning, and I really just wanted a moment alone with him to talk, but I think he sensed that I wasn’t over him. ALSO, I should mention that he’s dating someone else now. How does all of this sound to you guys?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

May 12, 2020 at 11:08 am

Hey there so if you are looking to get your ex back then you need to start with a 45 day NC because he has met someone else. While you work on your Holy Trinity during that time. Then reach out following the advice of the being there method

Alex

November 24, 2019 at 3:34 pm

I’ve been with my extra for a year, we have met yesterday after 8 months of no contact and she seemed really happy, we spent the whole afternoon together, a day after I felt like I miss her and texted her to ask if she was free on weekend for a dinner, she agreed, but she seemed cold when I texted her and asked about her, I don’t know if she still think about getting back together or not
Nono

October 20, 2019 at 11:03 am

Hi there I been seeing a guy for the last two months.We we’re not dating, it was just looking up.In my mind I always knew that I liked him even if it was just looking up IDK if he felt the same way.I tried several times to see where his head was it and he made it clear that he doesn’t do the whole realtionship thing .I said okay it’s fine ,then he said we will see where this takes us I agreed .We had sex 3 times and deep down I was not okay with the fact that we are just having sex awith no title.
I found out that he actually told one of his friend (which I was kinda flity with) to have me I was broken when I found out so I decided it’s best if I leave him but at the same time I wanted my revenge because I felt like he used me and now his done with me.I kept on hearing stories about him wanting a girl in my circle .It hurt me because I feel all he ever said to me was a lie now he is hooking up with the very same girl in my circle (when my friend ask him about me he makes an excuse saying that I kissed his friend).The maina reason why I did it’s coz I wanted to spite him but I don’t think it worked coz he told his friend to slide .

I was hurt by all of this but his best friend is also my friend and all he does most of the time when his with me is to mention him.Although his still hooking up with the girl in my circle his best friend still considers me as his girl IDK why
Sayan

September 9, 2019 at 2:46 pm

Hi I am Sayan from India. I had a breakup over a month ago and I was trying hard to get my ex back, but it didn’t work, then I read your guide and got some idea. My situation is – Up until she went to her hometown and it became long distance, everything was going fine. But suddenly she stopped talking to me and I enquired it repeatedly and then she blocked me for a day and then unblocked me, then again I asked very nicely many times that what was her real problem, why she acted in such a way. She at first ignored my messages but then suddenly said that she couldn’t forget the day I hit her and doesn’t want to talk to me. But I couldn’t understand that why she is bringing this matter now which happened almost several months ago, and for that I already apologized to her a thousand times, I even brought her surprise gifts. I again said to her that for that incident I will feel guilty forever but why couldn’t you remember all the good memories. She didn’t listen to my logic and friendzoned me. I accepted it as I thought it was my only ground left to talk to her. After a day I found out she was abusing me and giving some false allegations regarding me to our common friends and I asked her about it and we had a fight, she abused me and I abused her and then she blocked me from everywhere and its been a month now. Our one common friend, in the meantime, tried a few times to convince her to talk to me and sort things out, but she said to him that she wouldn’t like to hear about me and see my face ever again as she hates me the most in this world, but then he tried again and she blocked him too. Then I read your guide and told my common friend to not to speak about me to her from now on, maintain the silence from everywhere. But I really don’t know what to do man, how to recontact her and I am stressed out at the possibility that she might got another guy and is totally forgetting me. I am thinking to text her from a new number after 10 days from now, some pictures of us from our good old times and saying that I was deleting the old stuff. What do you think? Could this work? What other things can I do to get her back?
Please help out, please give me some advices. She is the love of my life man and I can’t let her go

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 9:11 pm

Hi Sayan, yes the program can give you, your best chance at getting your ex back.

Jessica

August 6, 2019 at 4:41 pm

I found out that my boyfriend had sex with another girl. We have been together for almost 2 years but We were in an open relationship period because of long distance but an important boundary was absolutely no sex with anyone else. There was once situation before this where I kissed another guy and he was scarred from that. He lied to me about the sex while I visited him, changing the story into a less hurtful one. Only when I left the visit and we were not physically in the same state did he tell me the truth about the specifics of the situation, which were much worse. The sex happened much more recently than I expected. He was very devastated while talking about both situations, the fake story and the real story. He says he lied in fear of losing me and hurting me even more, and said that because he saw such a future with me, he couldn’t bear not telling me the truth. I broke up with him once he told me the real story and it was devastating because I was not prepared for the relationship to end. I expected him to reach out to me but he didn’t after that. He didn’t fight for me, but a lot of bad stuff had just happened. I ended up reaching out to him after a week of silence because the situation was not resolved in a remotely healthy way and was causing huge stress. Those conversations over the phone were a lot of crying and he was insisting that he needs time and space and that we could not move forward right now because of all of the drama. He also said that we should just be friends and not romantic once we are in the same place again. All of this was mixed with tears and him telling me he loves me but has been dealing with a lot of insecurity and trust problems in our relationship. Before I found this out, it really was all love coming from him and excitement and eagerness about our future together. But I guess he was dealing with some underlying issues and did not communicate them to me like he should have. He said he feared I would’ve judged him. We haven’t spoken in a month, and when sent an accidental text message I did didn’t answer. But this past month he has been viewing and liking all of mine own and my families social media. He also was like posting songs about me to a playlist. It confuses me why he wants to see so much of me online but doesn’t reach out to me? I haven’t been doing that to him. I want advice on how to approach seeing him for the first time, we have a lot of stuff to give back to each other. Should I reach out to him about that once the time comes or wait till he does? I don’t know if I want him back right now necessarily but just advice on how to handle our intermingled lives and friend groups at college. It’s hard to picture my life without him right now. And I don’t think either of us could just jump into being friends right away. I think some of the things he was saying over the phone was just him trying to protect himself. He definitely didn’t sound very good over the phone, neither of us did. I know this no contact period is good but now as we are about to see eachother soon I need help navigating this. I miss him very much and I am still very in love with him. I think sometimes I do make excuses for him and his behavior because he really always was so good to me before this all happened but I also think time without a boyfriend would be good for me right now.
Jessica

August 6, 2019 at 8:49 am

I’ve been together with my ex in a very short time of period. it’s the shortest period of dating I’ve ever had. we know each other on 1st Jul and we start officially dating on 6th of July after 2 times met up. since 1st July we always chat whole day and at night he will call me and we talk for hours before we went to sleep. for info, i work 9 to 6 and he work 7.30-8.30. it happen on our second week in relationship that i asked him to meet up after he finish work. and he replied me that we cant meet up and he suggest the next day then we can meet. when i told him i can just drop by to just see and talk to him a while to his place he replied that he don’t want his gf to wait for him too long and he feel guilty after that. so i told him of course i also don’t want to wait hours. i will just drop by when he about to finish his working hour. but he said if its not important, we can meet on weekend. i lashed out my frustration that we are newly in relationship, shouldn’t we have more passion to want to meet each other more? and why it is so hard to meet my own bf where i need to make appointment. then i said something that i regret that if we are having weekend relationship then i’m going to need to find weekday bf. which he asked me, “you want to find another bf?” and i reply to him “i don’t know”. that day the last message i sent to him and he didn’t reply whole evening. but he called me at night and i know stupid me and my ego, i didn’t pick up.
the next day is the first time we don’t communicate at all. until before i knock off from office and ask him if he can meet me, but he gave me a reason that his big boss come over to office and i know he going to ditch me. when i reach my home, i had this feeling of fear the same thing happen again to me as my previous relationship, my bf just meet me every weekend and he ditch me for another girl. at that time with previous my ex bf, i don’t even message or text him as much as i do with my current ex bf. so i asked him if we should breakup before we fall to deep and he agree. but the breakup hit me very bad until i cant even stop my tears when i’m working and even concentrate to it.
so next day i called him and on the third try he pick up my call and we get back together. i can feel the difference between him before and after. his message when replying to mine is shorter and no more emoticon or whatsoever, no more attachment i can feel from his message compare to last time. and after 4th week we together, we spent great weekend together, watch movie, cuddling. next very Monday when he called me at night after we talk about our day and other thing, he mention the break up. that we should break up because he don’t know if his feeling will come back to me or not and when he don’t even sure whether his feeling will be back or not, i’m the only one who suffer. so he decide break up is the best choice. so eventually i agree to it without much fuss. but the next day i sent him one message to explain to him why i did so when i asked him to break up just to let him know my reason. since then i didn’t even message him until 2 days after break up he message me and ask our schedule ticket because he going to go anyway with his working junior. we bought the ticket when we enter the relationship to have a holiday on this long weekend. but since eventually we broke up, i still decide to fly because its a ticket to my hometown, which we actually plan to go to another city after we arrived. and he tell me that he is not going. so when i receive the message i’m kinda surprised and thought many think i can possibly think. whether he think of me..he still have a little feel for me, wanna just in touch with me, miss me, just wanna talk with me, but worse is he already delete our chat room that’s why he don’t have the ticket when i already sent it to him earlier when i just booked the ticket. so since i didn’t initiate any contact with him since he broke up with me, i’m quite puzzle on how am i going to face him in two more days when i meet him at the airport. well all of this question is basically, can i recover our relationship when he seems see me as the only one he wants. what should i do when i meet him on the return flight? i really lost, please advice me.
Amanda

May 26, 2019 at 4:30 pm

Hi Chris,
I am in a huge ordeal. My ex fiancé who lived with me, was going to marry in December; abruptly left over a month ago. I am devastated. He proclaims it was my 10 year old son. I know he still loves me, and I’ve been in contact here and there. I know I should do the no contact rule. I run into him at the gym, and he hugs me and kisses me at times. He won’t reach out to me, yet responses always and picks up. He just says he needs time to think. He was going to be my husband. My forever. I want to work through the issue, but I feel he resorted to being a teenager by running back home to Mom. (He’s 30 and I am 33). I have helped him so much establish his life, and we truly get along great. We had a wonderful relationship. Everyone said he got cold feet and scared. I am torturing myself I feel like holding onto hope, but I feel like I should move on. Please help.

Chris Seiter

May 27, 2019 at 8:42 pm

Hi Amanda…he probably did get cold feet…somewhat afraid of losing independence. I don’t think it’s time to move on. Just continue to take some space and time for yourself and see how he behaves and his level of interest and commitment. You will have an opportunity to decide later what is best for you and your child as you gain more insights into his intentions.

Shanice

December 18, 2018 at 2:34 am

My boyfriend and I dated for three months before we broke up before Thanksgiving. Although it was not the longest of time, we were together very often so it felt as if it were longer, and we got to know each other really well. I can honestly say that I felt as if I was possibly falling in love with him, and by certain comments he made it seemed like he felt the same. He decides that we should break up because he was stressed about his job, and feels like it would be unfair to me to not get attention because he is stressing. He says that he was trying to consider my feelings and I appreciate that, but honestly it just kind of seems like a cop out. I understand job stress, but I kind of see that as a circumstance that could change at any time. He was unwilling to hear anything I said out, and was unchanging in his decision to break up. I have been extremely hurt and depressed, and I can say that I have never experienced a heartbreak such as this. I texted him briefly during the week after about a health issue and the conversation was fine. Then I texted him to ask if we could talk about what was going on with us, and did not receive a response. Yesterday, he texted me apologizing for not being more open to listening to me. I told him I appreciated it, and asked if he wanted to talk, and I wanted a straight answer. He told me that no, he still wasn’t in the place where he wanted to talk about it, but he knew he was wrong and knew he had to tell me that. Honestly, I was very upset by this because why apologize if you don’t want to speak on why it was wrong and how? What is your take on this?

Chris Seiter

December 19, 2018 at 2:36 am

Hi Shanice!

Your ex seems inflexible about really talking through all this. Perhaps a brief period of no contact might be helpful here to get some space and let the tensions come down.

Jess

August 20, 2018 at 8:46 pm

First off I have spent a year reading articles like this daily so I feel like I know everything, but I still am clueless with how to get myself out of the mess I’ve made. My did ex come back on his own after 6 months of no contact, but after two months we weren’t officially back together and I started dating another guy who reminded me how someone who is really into you behaves. When I am not available my ex wants me to stop seeing him and we can officially be back together again. I didn’t fall for the trap and cut contact with my ex. Me and this other guy broke up shortly thereafter for a month, got back together for a week (lol) and now are definitely never speaking to each other again. 4 weeks ago – exactly when me and the other guy got back together, my ex sent me an innocent snap and I replied 2 days later to talk about a band who we were both seeing in concert but on different nights (I knew that already), that led to a few days of talking a tiny bit about music. Of course this is the same week I’m back with guy #2. Then a few days later I texted him a gardening question, as we started a garden together when we were dating, and he taught me a lot and I’ve kept it going without him. I pushed my luck and asked if he would help with something, he asked one more question, I answered it and that was that almost 2 weeks ago – no response. I figure if he wanted to see me he would have jumped on that, but he doesn’t know what the status of my other relationship is, and if he’s stalking me it would look like I was still dating. I don’t know how to tell him I’m single. I don’t want him to think that only reason I want him is because things didn’t work with the other guy, because my lingering strong feelings for him are one of the reasons that relationship ended. I know it was a huge blow to his ego when I “wanted to be with someone else more than him” and I’m scared he’ll never see me the same, or at least in a positive light. I’m working on myself, and posting only positive fun stuff on social media. Please help!

Chris Seiter

August 20, 2018 at 11:31 pm

Hi Jess!

There is a lot going on here, so my advice you take a step back and evaluate how my program can benefit you best. Go to my home page and look at some of the tools and resources I make available. I think you will want to invest some quality time in seeking to rebuild trust with him and that usually occurs over time in small doses, with consistency. I think you are off to a good start with your social media strategy and eventually that should lead up to a initial contact message and building from there.

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57 thoughts on “How To Act Around Your Ex”