Getting your ex boyfriend back is a pretty tricky task.
You essentially have to convince a person, who wants nothing to do with you, that you are the best thing for them.
A lot of work goes into that “convincing.”
So, lets just assume that you have done everything right when it comes to getting your boyfriend back.
- You have gotten back on speaking terms with them.
- The two of you are engaging in a little flirting.
- He seems to be back into you and you are clearly still into him.
How do you seal the proverbial relationship deal?
How do you actually go about asking this person that the two of you should be in a relationship again?
Well, that’s what we are here to talk about today.
First though, there is something super important that you have to understand.
How This Guide Works
I am going to do my best to put this in a way that is easy for you to understand.
Getting an ex boyfriend back is a very complex process.
I almost look at it like a puzzle.
So, going off of that example Ex Boyfriend Recovery (this website) is meant to be a resource for you to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Every single post I have ever created is meant to be a small piece of the puzzle and I leave it up to you to piece them together.
(Hey, we don’t want you getting lazy now do we?)
What’s the point of me telling you all of this?
Simple, this page is meant to be the ultimate guide when it comes to the moment of asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship with you (hopefully you can work things to your advantage to where HE will ask you.)
Of course, everything that is required to get to that point isn’t covered here.
All the strategies of getting back on good terms with your ex, leaving him wanting more and getting him on a date is not going to be talked about.
Those things are all separate pieces of the puzzle that you are going to have to look elsewhere to find.
Now, if it sounds like I am leaving you out to dry a little bit I assure you that I am not.
Luckily for you, I have already create a resource that puts every single piece of the puzzle together.
It’s called Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt’s my 46,000 word E-Book that details every single step of this process from start to finish. So, if you are interested in having a complete step by step guide for putting the “puzzle” together I implore you to click the button below,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
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Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets talk about the first aspect of asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship again.
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The Two Things About “The Talk”
From now on I am going to be referring to asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship with you again as “the talk.”
So, there are two things I would like to talk to you about today about the big “talk” with your ex.
Thing 1- Him Initiating The Talk
Thing 2- You Initiating The Talk
What’s the best protocol for this?
Generally speaking when it comes to men its always a bit more powerful if they initiate things as opposed to you initiating things. However, sometimes men can have trouble with “the talk.” This is especially true of exes who are hyper sensitive to everything.
So, here is how I am going to approach things in this guide.
I am going to operate under the assumption that you want your ex boyfriend to be the one to initiate “the talk.” So, I am going to give specific game plans on what you need to do to entice him into committing to you.
Of course, there are some cases where no matter what you do your ex still won’t be the one to initiate things so you are going to be forced to be the one.
If you find yourself in this situation then don’t worry, I got your back.
I am also going to be providing strategies on how to do that.
So, essentially I am dividing this guide up into two sections.
Section 1- Getting HIM To Initiate The Relationship Talk
Section 2- YOU Initiating The Relationship Talk
Pretty cool, huh?
Well, lets get right to it.
SECTION ONE: Getting HIM To Initiate “The Talk”
There are really two aspects to getting a man to initiate a talk where he asks you to be his girlfriend again.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizTo illustrate these aspects I have decided to put together a little graphic.
For those of you who had trouble dissecting the graphic let me make things easier for you.
Aspect 1 = Your ex boyfriend feeling influenced/affected enough to want to solidify a relationship with you.
Aspect 2 = You dropping subtle hints that your ex picks up and eventually realizes that you want him to ask you to be in a relationship again so he takes the initiative and does it.
So, here is what I have decided to do.
I am going to dissect these aspects a little more in-depth (one aspect at a time) and then once we fully have a grasp on them I am going to integrate the two and show you how you need to use them to get your ex boyfriend to have “the talk” with you.
Sound good?
Ok, lets start with aspect 1.
ASPECT 1: Influencing Your Ex Boyfriend To Have “The Talk”
How can I put this in a way so that you understand it with perfect clarity?
Hmm…
Ok, this is the best I can come up with.
A man is not going to do something (relationship wise) unless he feels a strong influence to do it.
Take my wife for example.
Some of the more hardcore readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery know that my wife and I were in a long distance relationship for close to 5 months.
One thing that she did phenomenally is hold such an influence over me that I was willing to consider a move from Texas to Pennsylvania.
Every single day that I was in Texas my mind was consumed with one singular thought,
“I have to find a way for us to be together permanently.”
It got to the point to where I was obsessive about it.
It was all I would think about and to be honest it kind of made me depressed to have to wait around.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizObviously we all know how things ended up there.
Because of the influence my wife held over me I was willing to take some drastic measures (like leaving my family and friends to move to PA to be with her.)
Now, lets play devils advocate here a bit.
Lets pretend that when my wife and I were dating that she didn’t hold that type of influence over me.
What do you think happens then?
Personally speaking, it was very hard to move away from my family. I am not quite sure I realized the full extend of how hard it would be until I had moved. I mean, subconsciously I think I knew it would be hard but thinking it and experiencing it are two different things.
Anyways, if I was dating my wife and she didn’t hold a big influence over me then I guarantee you that moving wouldn’t have been in my vocabulary.
She probably would have just been some girl I had dated long distance for a while and I would have been the same to her.
But she wasn’t…
She held an insane amount of influence over me.
So much, in fact, that I believed that I was going to marry her (I did.)
I guess the point of my whole spiel is to show you that without influence your ex boyfriend isn’t going to be asking you to be his girlfriend again.
This begs an interesting question.
How do you gain the right type of influence over your ex boyfriend?
How To Gain Influence Over Your Ex
There are a lot of ways of gaining influence over your ex again.
I want to start off by saying that going over every single one of those ways is going to be impossible.
Why?
Because I could write an entire article on them.
Besides, that is kind of why I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
So, instead of boring you with a long complicated explanation I am going to cover the main factors that cause a man feel an insane amount of influence to his woman.
Sound good?
Factor 1- He Has To Think She Is Better Than Him
This is a weird one, huh?
I mean, it seems like it’s made up, doesn’t it?
I assure you it’s not.
You are talking to a man who was influenced by a woman to move all the way across the country. Do you think I would have done that if I didn’t think the woman I was moving across the country for was worth it?
Of course not.
Rather, I had this innate belief that she was better than me and it intrigued me.
For example, I look like this,
She looks like this,
She is better looking than me.
Oh, what about intelligence?
Well, let me put it this way. When I am writing for this site and I get stuck and can’t think of anything who do you think I go to?
HER!
Yup, she gets me right back on track and brings a new idea to the table that I would have never thought of.
I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that part of the reason she fascinates me is the fact that I have this innate belief that she is better than me and that gives her influence over me.
Factor 2- You Can’t Be Too Available
Look, I get it.
You want your ex back.
Heck, some of you want him back so bad that you probably would be willing to sell your soul for another chance.
I understand how bad you want him back but you want to know a secret?
The more you appear available to him the worse your chances of getting him back are.
Too available to a man is essentially the same as being needy.
Once again I am going to go to the well that is my wife and I’s relationship.
You know one of the things that she did to me before we officially started dating?
We would be texting back and forth and I was really hooked into the conversations. In fact, I was so hooked that I would be drooling like a dog waiting for my next response. Unfortunately, the response wouldn’t come.
Ugh…
Still makes me angry to this day.
Of course, while it made me angry it also intrigued me and made me want to find out what was going to happen next.
Kind of like a good TV show that just ends abruptly…
All in all, it made me feel like I wasn’t the most important thing to her (which I wanted to be.) I think this was important because it set this dynamic where I was always craving her attention. If you are too available for your ex boyfriend then that dynamic isn’t going to exist.
Factor 3- Flirting, Friend Zone, Flirting, Friend Zone
This is a relatively new idea that I have come up with but it’s rooted in some sound logic.
Based on everything you have learned so far what is it about a woman that has a lot of influence over a male?
Well, for one he has to feel like she is better than him and taking things a step further he has to feel like he can’t get her. I don’t think it’s any secret that men are drawn to things they can’t have.
Take me for example.
The last big purchase I made was on something that I told myself I couldn’t have.
My TV.
You see, my old TV was getting a little bit… well, old. So, I decided it would be time to upgrade to a new TV.
I told myself that the maximum I was willing to spend on a TV was $1,200.
What do you think I ended up spending?
$2,700…
Quite a bit over my limit, huh?
But why?
Why did I spend so much more than I had originally planned.
It’s because I kept getting seduced by TV’s that I told myself that I couldn’t have. As a result, all the TV’s I couldn’t have looked ten times more attractive to me. In fact, one had caught my eye so much that I actually pulled the trigger and bought it.
Bottom Line = Men Want What They Can’t Have
But how does this tie into gaining influence over your ex?
The tactic we are studying here, flirt, friend zone, flirt and friend zone is deeply premised on the fact that men want what they can’t have.
Think about it for a moment.
If you flirt with your ex boyfriend what is he going to naturally think?
That he can have you, right?
Well, right when your ex has this thought your are going to do something that makes him think he is in the friend zone.
All of a sudden he can’t have you anymore so your attractiveness level slightly raises.
Then after some time goes by you are going to un-friend zone him and make him think he has a chance with you again by flirting a bit.
He can have you again, yay.
Of course, what happens next?
Yep, you guessed it you are going to friend zone him again making him think he doesn’t have a shot again.
As a result, your attractiveness level will raise.
This process repeats over and over again a few times until your exes attractiveness level for you is to a point where he feels influenced enough to want to ask you out.
In fact, it’s probably a good idea for me to mention that this little tactic is excellent for those of you who seem to have trouble with getting an ex interested in you. So, make sure you put this to use if you find yourself in that predicament.
Lets move on to the next step of this process, dropping subtle hints.
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Dropping Subtle Hints To Your Ex Boyfriend
Ok, I want to start this section off with a statement.
When it comes to asking women to be an “official girlfriend” just assume that men are stupid.
I know I was.
Would you like to know how I worked up the courage to ask my wife to be my girlfriend way back when I was dating her?
We were out at a concert at a bar and there was some sort of “American day” going on to support the troops.
Anyways, it just so happened that my wife was wearing an American shirt so the bar owner asked her to go on stage and say the pledge of allegiance when the time was right. When the time came she was called onto stage and I did what any guy who was falling in love with a girl would do. I ran to the front of the stage to record the whole thing with my phone.
It was interesting because she kept looking over my way and was constantly smiling at me.
Some of the people at the front of the stage began to take notice and one guy who was standing next to me tapped on my shoulder and asked if that was my girlfriend.
Now, at this point of our relationship we hadn’t really talked about “labels” so I didn’t know exactly what to say.
I paused for a moment and then I thought to myself,
“Ah, what the heck I am just going to say yes because I do want her to be.”
So I said yes.
I felt like I had just robbed a bank because I didn’t officially know if we were in a relationship yet.
Of course, that little tap on the shoulder from that guy gave me the courage to officially ask her out.
You see, I was stupid.
I should have had the guts to do it earlier but I was too scared I would get a “no” if I did so I let the fear rule me.
Don’t ever think that asking a girl to be in a relationship with you is an easy task for a guy.
We have been rejected more than you think and oftentimes that fear still rules us.
Sometimes we need a little help from you.
We need to know that you are thinking the same thing as us.
So, how do you do that?
How can you show a man or in this case your ex that you want to give things another try?
By dropping subtle hints of course.
Here is what I am going to do for you.
I am going to list some of the most successful ways to drop hints to your ex so eventually he will catch on and ask you to in a relationship again.
Sound good?
Lets get started.
Hint #1- Picturing An Activity Together In The Future
You and I dated before…
Ok, not really but for the purposes of this article we are going to pretend that we did (don’t tell my wife.)
So, after our breakup we decide that we are going to meet for a cup of coffee.
A cup of coffee soon turns into dinner and a movie and the next thing we know we are seeing each other more and more regularly.
In this particular instance how should you drop a hint that tells me that you want to be more than friends?
Simple, by picturing a future activity together.
Lets pretend that we are talking about travel and how amazing it would be to travel the world one day. Well, this would be an ideal time to say something like,
“You know what we should do? We should ride a train all the way across Melbourne one day.”
The idea here is to pick your spots and sprinkle little comments like the one above in as much as you can.
For example, if I talk about how much I love beaches then that is an opportune time for you to say something like,
“You know what places has the best beaches in the world? Hawaii… We should go there one day.”
Comments like these can be oddly effective for making a main think,
“Wait, she wants to go to Melbourne and Hawaii with me? Wow, she must really like me a lot.”
Comments like these essentially remove the risk of him getting a “no” for when he does decide to ask you out.
Hint #2- Drop Hints For Romantic Dates
Want to know something interesting about men?
We like romance too.
To this day one of my fondest memories is when I told my wife that I love her for the first time. We were walking on a beach, there was a full moon in the background and the mood just felt right.
Telling her that I love her was a very big deal for me and by doing it I was basically saying that I though so much of her that I would be willing to marry her in the future.
If that doesn’t spell commitment then I don’t know what does.
Here is the interesting thing about that little trip down memory lane.
Everything was perfect about it.
The mood was right…
The setting was right…
Everything was just… right.
What can I say, I like romance.
Sometimes getting a man to commit to you is all about his mood and in order to make that mood right there has to be romance in the air.
Why not up your chances of romance by dropping subtle hints of the most romantic places you know?
For example, maybe there is this incredible restaurant overlooking the water called “Chris’ Place” 😉 .
Well, in this case maybe you say something like this to him,
“You know, I have always wanted to go to Chris’ Place I heard the view there is unbeatable.”
Oh, perhaps I should mention one tiny little thing before you drop a hint to go to a romantic place.
It’s important to remember that the whole idea of this hint is predicated around the fact that HE has to feel the romance to ask you out. In other words, you have to suggest a place that HE is going to find romantic.
Look, my idea of romance and my wife’s idea of romance can sometimes differ. It’s the same most of the time but every once in a while we disagree on things like that. So, before you suggest a romantic place to visit with him think really hard about his interests and what HE finds romantic.
For example, if your ex boyfriend is the biggest monster truck fan in the world then perhaps suggesting seeing a monster truck rally is the ideal spot for him to feel romance.
Get it?
Good, lets move on.
SECTION TWO: YOU Initiating “The Talk”
In some instances, no matter how clever you are, your ex boyfriend still won’t bite on asking you to be in a relationship with him.
This section is going to talk about what to do in these specific instances.
So, there are a lot of different ways I could have structured this section but I decided to keep things as simple and easy as possible for you. Below I have compiled a small list of the subsections within this section that we are going to talk about today.
- When You Have To Initiate “The Talk”
- Where To Initiate “The Talk”
- How To Initiate “The Talk”
Hey, all we are missing is the “who” and the “what.”
You know,
Who..
What..
Where…
When….
How…
Ok, ok, I know that, that joke was pathetic but it sounded really good in my head before I typed it out.
Lets move on to talking about the “When.”
When You Have To Initiate The Talk
This ones easy.
In a perfect world you will do everything right when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back and he will actively have “the talk” with you.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world.
There are many times that no matter what you do your ex boyfriend won’t touch a “relationship” talk with you.
So, if this happens to you then you are going to be forced to take the lead on “the talk.”
But when?
Have you ever heard the term synergy?
It’s basically a fancy way of saying that two parts working together get better results than one thing working by itself.
I wrote this article with this in mind.
That’s why I divided it up into two different parts.
In case you forgot,
Part 1 = Influencing Your Ex To Have The Relationship Talk
Part 2 = You initiating The Relationship Talk With Your Ex
There is a certain synergy about these two parts.
In other words, you must do everything you can to influence your ex (part 1) before you move on to initiating the talk with him (part 2.)
It’s not a good idea for you to storm out of the gates asking him to be your boyfriend again right off the bat. In fact, the only time I recommend doing that is after you have tried everything in your power to influence him to have the talk with you.
Get it?
Where To Initiate The Talk
Before I tell you about the ideal place to have “the talk” I want to take a moment to explain an interesting psychological principle about men.
Hmm…
Perhaps it’s best that I do this by role playing.
Lets say that you have bad news that you have to tell me.
What’s the bad news?
Lets say my dog died.
Here is my question to you now, when is the ideal time to tell me this bad news?
When I am in a normal mood?
or
When I am in an incredible mood?
In other words, which of these options will result in me having the best reaction to this bad news?
When I am in an incredible mood of course.
Well, having an important relationship talk with your ex boyfriend kind of follows the same line of thinking. I am more likely to say YES to being in a relationship with you if I am already in a great mood as opposed to a bad one or even a normal one.
Now, I bet you are wondering how this is relevant to where to initiate the talk.
The truth is that it’s very relevant because a lot of times a mans mood can shift based on the location he is in.
Why Location Matters To The Talk
Hmm…
How can I put this in a very easy to understand way?
Ok, what do you think is going to be more effective for getting your ex boyfriend in the right mood to say YES to a relationship proposal,
Asking him over the phone?
or
Asking him in a romantic place?
I don’t think it takes a brain surgeon to realize that a man is going to be more likely to say yes to a proposal in a romantic place.
But why?
Well, it goes back to that mood thing I was talking about above.
If you can get your ex boyfriend in a great mood then it’s an ideal time to pounce with the relationship talk.
A lot of times the location you ask him in can have a direct correlation to how good of a mood he is in. For example, if you were to ask me to be official with you over a phone conversation I am going to be thinking to myself,
“This is kind of weird… No.”
However, if you were to suggest that we go to a nice restaurant overlooking a beach with a full moon in the backdrop and then after dinner we were to walk along the beach..
You know what, I am going to post a photo here for emphasis,
If you were to take me there and then initiate the talk I am going to think to myself,
“Wow, this is one of the most incredible things that has happened to me. It couldn’t be any more perfect.”
Location does matter when it comes to this talk.
I know men don’t seem like they appreciate romance but they do.
Trust me!
When you have this talk with your ex boyfriend make sure you pick a super romantic location (by his standards.)
How To Initiate The Talk
This is the tricky part.
Everywhere I looked I couldn’t find any good information on how a woman should approach this relationship talk with her ex boyfriend.
So, I guess that makes this section in this guide the first of it’s kind.
I really want this to be good so I am going to divide this section up into three sub-sections,
- Finding The High Point
- How To Initiate
- What To Say
Now, if none of these sub-sections make any sense to you right now that’s ok. Remember, it’s my job to explain them to you. So, I guess I had better start.
Finding The High Point
You remember the principle of a man being in a good mood that I talked about above in the “where to initiate the talk” section?
Well, we are going to size that down to a smaller scale right now.
It is true that you want your ex boyfriend to be in the best mood possible (overall) when you have this talk with him. However, you also want to pick the right spot in the conversation to have this talk with him.
Where is that?
At the high point of course.
You see, in every single conversation there is a high point, a point where the conversation can’t get any better than it already is before it slowly starts losing some steam. It’s your job to find this point of the conversation with your ex when you are talking to him.
Here’s a graphic I put together that is intended to represent a conversation between you and your ex,
You didn’t happen to notice the arrow did you?
You did?
Oh good!
Well, that arrow represents the high point of the conversation.
Notice how after that point the conversation quality slowly but surely begins to dip.
What you want to do is initiate “the talk” at the high point of the conversation.
Look, I am all about percentages and when it comes to getting a yes answer to the “lets be in a relationship again” question your best shot is to catch your ex when he is going to be in the absolute best mood and that is going to be during the high point of the conversation.
How To Initiate This Talk
First things first, you want to stay away from phrases like,
“We have to talk about something..”
or
“There’s something I need to talk to you about..”
Can you tell me what’s wrong with both of these phrases?
No?
They have a negative connotation behind them.
If you were to come up to me and say,
“I have to talk to you about something…”
The first thing I am going to think to myself is,
“God, what’s wrong?”
While there is a time and a place for these types of phrases (see the I have a confession… text) this is not the time or the place.
Our goal here is to make this conversation as positive as possible.
In other words, you need to frame this baby in as positive a light as you possibly can.
How do you go about doing that?
Instead of saying,
“I have something to talk to you about”
Try starting out with something like this,
“Whenever you are around my life just always seems to get better…”
Notice how it’s a compliment.
Look, men love to be admired and if there was ever a time for you to turn on the admiration it would be now.
So, start off with a compliment and then segue into the more juicy stuff.
What To Say During The Talk
Now that you know how to start the big talk off lets get into some of the more complicated aspects.
The biggest mistake I see women make is the fact that try to convince their ex to come back to them based on logic.
Look, logically trying to make a case to your ex to come back to you isn’t going to work.
I’m sorry it just isn’t.
When it comes to making relationship decisions men are almost as emotional as women are so you need to play to this.
So, my best piece of advice is to talk about how HE feels.
Talk about the times when you knew for a fact that he was having strong positive feelings in the relationship.
Once you have successfully done that then you can move on to the big ask.
Now, another mistake I see a lot of women making when it comes to the talk is that approach it from a weak position.
For example, they say something like,
“Do you… maybe.. possibly… want to be my boyfriend again?”
That’s so weak.
Look, don’t flat out ask him.
Just tell him what you think and let him respond.
For example,
“I think it would be a good idea for us to get together again.”
Notice how you didn’t technically ask him you just told him want you think should happen.
Perhaps it would be a good idea for me to map out this whole process for you so you can see it firsthand.
Ok, below I am going to write up a sample of how “the talk” should go so you can see it with your own two eyes.
(FYI we are going to pretend you are asking me to be your boyfriend in this mock write up.)
“Chris, you know every single time we are together you just seem make my life better. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I have been thinking about our past relationship and these past few weeks and I can tell you seem so happy. I can just tell from your smile. Your big beautiful smile. It often reminds me of the time that we could just sit on the couch, cuddle up and watch your favorite TV show. Oh, and how could I forget the way we felt when we made love to each other. The more I think about it the more I think about how well we compliment each other in a relationship. Lately I have been feeling some very strong things towards you and I think it would be a good idea for us to make things official.”
Notice how in this “mock up” I started with a compliment and then pretty much talked about things that I knew I would appreciate to hear.
Plus there was a mention of sex…
Look, men like sex. Use that to your advantage.
Oh, and the ending was textbook.
“I think…”
Remember that statement it’s kind of important.
Lily lemon
March 11, 2022 at 5:30 am
Hi! My ex bf from long distance and I were talking then he is coming in two weeks after flight was bought (he wanted to see me) and kind of fell off the map. He went from texting me to kind of just replying. I’ve reached out twice already first two days later and the second 5 days later.
He had initially asked me if I wanted to date and I said we r long distance and both ambitious in our careers and we would figure it out. But honestly I changed my mind.
Should I tell him what I want before he comes? He is staying with me or just feel it out. Or should I cancel him coming because it might be too soon to have sex and I feel like I’ve been the one to reach out twice last.
Anonymous
July 23, 2020 at 12:38 am
My ex boyfriend and I had makeup sex. He said he knows we have a lot to talk about but just wants to chill (that night). A few days later and no plan to talk. He responds to my texts but I’m afraid to bring it up and don’t want to push him away by asking when we can talk. We have been broken up for months and were together almost 2 years.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 24, 2020 at 11:56 pm
Hey there, so since you slept with him you should really pull back a little and let him come to you. I understand that you feel that you need to have that “talk” but if you let him see you are not chasing it will make him open up a little easier, timing is everything.
Anonymous
January 14, 2018 at 12:05 pm
Hi Amor, as per you, i asked him. And he said she’s just a friend with whom he hangs out sometimes, and nothing else. He said if there was something he would have told me already n won’t hide from me. Should i trust him? And how to get his attention towards me from her?
I asked him today when will we meet, indirectly & he said “very soon” & when i asked him again he said let me plan I’ll let u know.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 14, 2018 at 8:53 pm
he’s the one who said he wants you back right? Then he should be the one thinking about how to do that, not you.. For me, you should spend more time in your activities rather than him.. set a timeline.. let’s say for 2 months at most.. if he still not making that much effort, didn’t make it official, move on.
Garima
January 12, 2018 at 8:14 am
Should i tell him i like a guy at my gym, to make him jealous? Will it push him away or bring him closer? For the first two conversations after NC rule, he was chasing me, telling me things to get back, but now its been 12 days, he’s all neutral n normal. Not making any efforts, ignoring my texts, taking long to reply or not replying at all sometimes. What should i do?
Anonymous
January 12, 2018 at 4:14 am
He’s not making any efforts anymore to get me back.
Because maybe he feels like without commitment he’s getting everything on the chat, like before.
Been 12 days we r in touch after NC rule. Should i stop talking to him for 1-2 days? I want him to take the moves but he’s not. Help me Amor.
Anonymous
January 10, 2018 at 10:38 am
Hey Amor,
Without even asking he himself said he isn’t dating anyone and he can wait for me as i am worth the wait n efforts. But yesterday when i texted him, he was taking around 10-15mins to reply to a single text, n that too 2-3 words even though he was online. I doubt he was talking to someone else, but who?
We hardly talk to each other, 10 mins at max a day that too at night when he is about to sleep. I’m in dilemma now. How to ask him n confirm? Im Afraid to ask him out on my own, he might feel im needy n will again take me for granted.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 11, 2018 at 5:47 pm
If you have no proof, you have to stop doubting him.. if he wants you back, then let him do the work.
Anonymous
January 8, 2018 at 3:58 pm
My ex is back. We are talking. He wants to be in a relationship with me again. And so do I. I’m done with the NC rule n after 2.5 months of breakup we r finally in contact. But I doubt he might be seeing someone else. What should I do? I know he’s not dating anyone but sometimes I doubt as after his office he comes home after 3 hrs n then text me, and in those 3 hrs he could be anywhere, with a girl too. What should I do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2018 at 12:22 am
HI Anonymous,
Why not ask him?
Garima
January 8, 2018 at 1:00 pm
So my ex & i finally started talking now, after 2.5months of breakup. Its been 7-8 days we r talking n now he wants to be back, i said I’ll think about it n after that he didn’t asked me again, but he gets jealous whn i talk to other guys. I want to rebuild the trust in our relationship as he tried to be in a rebound witj someone but failed. He even told me I’m worth making an effort when i said he needs to make some efforts. I want him to ask me out so that we can meet n discuss things as i too want to be back with him but that too with the trust like we had earlier for each other. He texts me first almost daily but keeps on disappearing for half an hour or sometimes for an hour n whn i do the same he freaks out. Should i do mirroring here in texting? Should i wait for him to ask me about the relationship again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2018 at 12:22 am
Hi Garima,
Nope, ask him to meet and talk to him about your conditions if he really wants to get back together.
Daisy
December 24, 2017 at 4:06 pm
Hello, My english is not so good I hope u will understand. My problem is… my ex bf don’t want to talk to me he hates me so he don’t want to talk he strictly told me to do not contact him again. He looks very happy without me and he is enjoying his life. He blocked me on social networking sites 45 days ago on that time when he broke up with me and still he is not showing any kind of intetest in me. He even told me 15 days ago on phone that he don’t like me and he is not intetested in me anymore. But I want him back So what should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 26, 2017 at 7:53 pm
Hi Daisy,
Even if you’re blocked, you should be active in posting, just make them public..did you reply when he said that,n
Olivia
November 19, 2016 at 3:42 pm
Ok so pretty much we had been talking and skyping things were going really well. When I mention getting back together he always says he loves me but it can’t work right now. Eventually our mothers talked (they planned that on their own) and he said that he didn’t want to give me hope, but that he loves me and dosent know what he should do. I kept telling him that we just need to work through it. Eventually he said he wanted to meet with me to talk. Since then we have been talking, arguing a little because he gets jealous of any male to ever breathe next to me. We are meeting tomorrow, what should I do do I even have a chance?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 22, 2016 at 2:14 pm
The more you convince a person like that, the more he will say that he doesnt want to.. You have to stop doing that and be less available..
Samantha
September 25, 2016 at 7:42 am
Hello Chris,
So it has been 7 months since my boyfriend and I broke up. I actually asked him to meet up last week and we spent a good time talking and then we hung out another day during the week for hours. We’re both young and soon entering college but I am hoping to get back together but he has dropped that he doesn’t want to get back together. However, during a gathering with our group of friends, he opened up to me two times about his struggles and it honestly felt how it was two years ago during the beginning of our relationship. My question just if I still have a chance, I have a feeling that he is scared to enter a relationship but he mentioned that he was also scared he would never get the experience a relationship like we had again with anyone. I could use some help since we have planned another day to hang out.
Samantha
September 27, 2016 at 4:18 am
Thank you, I actually have another question on when it would be okay to mention getting back to together? When do you think would be the right time?
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 28, 2016 at 11:42 am
It would be best if you don’t have to mention it because he already asked to be back with you, but if it comes to that point, the best time is when you’ve already reached the romantic dates period.. Not the first romantic date, but on the next dates after it, when he’s in the best mood and you’re in the right setting.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 2:54 pm
Hi Samantha,
It’s too early for you to ask him back.. You should build rapport and attraction first and I think he still sees the old you, therefore sees the old problems in the relationship but he also sees the good ones, so he’s probably going to friendzone you. Because being just friends means he doesn’t have to experience the same problems of being in a relationship with you like before. I think this one could help you more:
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
Maria
May 27, 2016 at 12:55 am
Hi Chris i will make this as short as possible.
I’d been dating my ex for 7 months and we had an amazing relationship and really loved each other. Then one night i got really drunk and i accidentally made out with another guy. Of course i regretted it but i couldn’t keep up with the guilt so i broke up with him (i haven’t told him about the other guy but i think he found out). So he hadn’t talk to me in a year. And now a year later we were at a same party and we started talking and joking around, dancing and flirting, he even held my hand the entire night. It’s been a week since that party and when we see each other on the street we kiss on the cheek and greet. I don’t know what to do. I still have strong feelings for him and i want him back. What do I do?
Maria
May 27, 2016 at 11:12 am
Yes i have his number, but I don’t know what to text him and I’m scared he won’t return the text.
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 30, 2016 at 6:01 am
You have to compile interesting topics for him.. check this posts out for texting styles:
Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)
EBR 022- How To Text Your Ex Boyfriend
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 27, 2016 at 3:03 am
HI Maria,
Do you have his number or can you message him in any messaging app?
Hanna
May 16, 2016 at 4:41 am
We have been on a lot of dates, and he hasn’t asked me. I keep putting off asking him because I really want him to ask me.
What should I do if he says no?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 19, 2016 at 9:04 am
Hmm, don’t be in a mindset that he will say no.. if you would ask him, do it in a time when both of you are having fun and he’s in the best mood.. In the kind of moment that he would want to experience always.
Sam
April 16, 2016 at 2:34 pm
Hi,
We have gone on several dates, he has asked me out on all of them. He called me sweetie, and is saying all the stuff we should do together. The first date we went on was about 3 weeks ago.
How long should I give him to initiate the talk, before I have to do it?
I was thinking maybe another month?
Thanks
Sam
May 18, 2016 at 12:22 pm
Hello,
He hasn’t initiated the talk yet, and I heard from one of his friends that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship or commitment right, though I am not sure if he said that recently or a while ago. My question is, what should I say if I have the talk with him, and he says he doesn’t want anything serious?
Thanks
EBR Team Member: Amor
May 24, 2016 at 3:29 pm
actually, it’s better if you only open up about that when both of you are in the best mood..because if there is not enough rapport and attraction and talk is done in a serious mood, he will more likely just remember what wenr wrong in the previous relationship
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 18, 2016 at 6:32 am
If he’s asking yes, tell him you didn’t have sex.. but if not, you don’t have to open that topic up.. If another month is when you’re more comfortable texting him, that’s okay.
MarVel
April 7, 2016 at 10:11 pm
Hello!I I love your site. Here is my story, I will try to keep it short. I met this guy a year and few months ago, I felt very intense attraction, after 6 weeks of our meeting we started a relationship. I know it was too fast but it did not feel wrong. After we got close he told me he wanted us to be friends. I was so attached that I could not let him go. So we continue our on and off relationship. He told me that I was a great lover, but he cannot give me the love I want. Almost every time we were very close he was pushing me away the next day. In the beginning of this year I introduced him to my parents, very soon after that he told me again he wants space, was not sociable and so on. I was so hurt because finally I thought that things were getting better. I was so angry and upset that I wrote a hurtful email to him, I know it was not the best thing to do, but I was in so much emotional pain that I could not help it. Then another woman appear and he was all over her…which hurt me even more because I could not imagine he can be so shallow…in the end nothing much happened between them, but that was another reason to express how I felt about it. This time he was hurt a lot as well. I decided that this time I will do everything possible to follow the No Contact Rule and to my surprise I DID IT!! For a month!! During that period our only contact was him telling hello to me twice and my ignoring him. After a month, when I saw him I said hi and asked him if he was alright. He looked very miserable. He responded Yeah, but he even did not look at me so I left. Then I send to him the song of Depeche Mode, Precious, and wrote that it reminded me of him. He did not respond. So now I do not know what to do. I still feel sad and miss him although I control myself better. I am very proud that I could do the NC rule! It feels like I got my power back. My question is what should I do – to continue to avoid him or something else? It hurts me that we torture ourselves like this. He does not look happy. Thank you!!
MarVel
April 9, 2016 at 7:02 pm
Hi, Amor! Thank you for your kind response. Yeah, I was improving myself emotionally mostly and I did some things. I tried to keep myself busy and constructive. Even some women around me gave me compliments about my looks and that I looked more peaceful and happier. He was always attracted at least physically to me, it is just that he did not feel madly in love as he put it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 10, 2016 at 9:19 am
you’re welcome.. maybe he still is not sure because of your history..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 5:41 am
Hi Marvel,
were you actively doing new things and improving yourself ? If he really isn’t engaging that means he’s honest that he’s not into serious relationships
Hannah
April 6, 2016 at 12:43 pm
Hi Chris, I need some help. I’ll try to make this as short as I can. Last year, I was in year 2 of my relationship. It was a long distance one and I was considering a break-up anyway. That’s when this guy and I completely started hitting it off. He wasn’t looking for a serious relationship… just a fling and I strictly told him NO. But as time passed, he began liking me more and decided to commit to me completely provided I break up. And so I did. But the new relationship didn’t last long. You see, I didn’t get any time to get over the previous guy and the transition was not smooth. Plus, I was getting more commitment and honesty from him than I had ever gotten from anyone and that was scary. He gave me his 100% and opened himself up completely for me but I didn’t. So eventually, our relationship fizzled out. We were out of touch. Then, early February I messaged him again just to ask how things were going. And we completely hit it off – again! We started flirting a little and by march we began meeting every weekened and we always had a great time.He was all I could think about. I knew because of the way he talked to me, that he liked me back…maybe as much as I liked him. After a few days I knew that I had fallen for him harder than I had fallen for any other guy, ever… And remembering his behaviour last year reinforced my feelings for him and I said to myself that I have finally fallen in love with someone. We went drinking one weekend and we were so happy and tipsy I asked him out. And not in the way you described in this amazing article. Pretty much: i really really really really really like you, so would you like to become my boyfriend? (ugh, i know! But I found it pretty romantic then). We made out – quite a lot. But he didn’t tell me yes. He told me that he needs to concentrate on getting his masters and his career and he wouldn’t be able to give me his all and if that was okay with me then we would date. Days passed and I was angry that he didn’t tell me a yes because he clearly liked me! Then i committed another mistake and convinced him to date me 🙁 he agreed. The only problem was that I guess he wasn’t sure that I wanted a serious relationship. So days went by and we were dating but even though I was giving my 100% I was just not getting that from him. I told him I loved him (because I do… But i didn’t expect an I love you too). And I went out of my way to make him happy but he wasn’t the guy I dated before… so I had an honest talk with him. He told me that he sees I’m not the person I was last year and a relapse of the relationship was not going to occur this time but he genuinely wanted to give his entire attention to his career only for at least 5 years. He was at home for an entire year and still didn’t have a serious relationship simply because he didn’t want to be distracted. So, I unwillingly called it off and told him it would be best if we stopped talking. Now, like you know, I’m head over heels for him and I know he likes me as well. He will not message me first. What do you think I should do? I’m considering the no contact rule. Also, do you think I should not consider this because his career-reason is pretty solid? (I am sure he is not lying). Sorry if it was too long. Awaiting your reply.
Hannah
April 8, 2016 at 2:30 pm
Hi, no I am definitely not OK with it but isn’t there a chance that he would become serious about me a few months down the line after I follow everything the site tells me?
P. S. It’s NC day 2 and he already texted me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 9, 2016 at 7:39 am
there’s a chance but it’s not a guarantee..what makes a man more serious is how you are with your standards and also what his priorities are at that time.. there’s a chance he’ll make you an equal priority but if not, then that means you have value yourself and don’t push it..
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 8, 2016 at 12:49 pm
Hi Hannah,
I think he really made it clear that his priority right now is his career..and he even asked if you are ok with that..so, ask yourself.. Re you really ok to sign up as 2nd or maybe third priority because he’s also doing his Masters
Lily
March 24, 2016 at 12:13 am
Hi Chris I really like your site! BUT I really REALLY need help!!
I dated the most amazing guy i ever met in my life for 3 months, but something happened one day he stop all contact with me
I called him many times and texted him looking for answers a week later he replay saying “hey i am dealing with some personal issues right now and i just need you to give me some time, please i am sorry if i’m being distant but i really need to be alone right now”
So i got a bit crazy and i gave him couple of days then i started asking him what happened and not even a reply from him, 3 weeks later he texted me saying ” hey Hello” but i am not receiving his text messages in my phone they went throng my iMac I don’t know why; So on Sunday the next day i Dump him and i told him that i was not gonna wait for him anymore from my phone. I saw his text a week later, when i saw his text i freak out and texted him and he reply right away we talk for a bit that day but he stop again, it has been 4 days so today I sent him a text saying “that i have a lot on mi mind and i wanted to let him know that i sent that message about “ending it” not knowing he had contacted me the day before and that im not receiving his msgs on my phone for some odd reasons. i mess up by jumping the gun and letting my emotions get the best of me but i wanted to see if he wants to get together and have dinner and talk then i’ll leave it to him if not is ok, and ill understand”
I sent that message this morning and he haven’t reply!!! I don’t know what else to do?? is he done?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 1, 2016 at 3:42 pm
HI lily,
has he contacted you by now?
CJ
January 27, 2016 at 10:29 am
I would like to thank you so much for publishing these articles Chris, and ask a bit of advice if I may. You have helped me a LOT over the these past 2 days trying to make sense of my life after my boyfriend broke up with me. My situation:
The guy I’ve been dating I met online about a year ago. We became ‘penpals’ of a sort, and only decided to meet in October. We had 3 dates and he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, even though he knew I would be travelling to Korea in December for 3 months. I said sure, I really liked this guy and wanted to see where it went, and he would be away from the city for work anyway 2 of those months so I thought it was perfect timing. I was his first ‘longer term’ gf and he was my second bf (we are both 24). Anyway, he was great those 2 months. He showed me what a real boyfriend is supposed to be like, we would go on dates, he bought me gifts, made little ‘care packages’ for me, we talked about everything, texted every day, he even met my family and was excited for me to meet his. Anyway come December, time for me to go to Korea. We decided to give the long distance thing a shot and he dropped me off at the airport. The first month I thought went well. I wasn’t homesick at all, and we still texted. But since the new year when he was away from home too, we didn’t talk as much cuz he was busy, plus the 16 hour time difference was hard. Anyway, he found something new he wanted to do career wise, but it requires him to go to school 5 hours away from where we live, for 2 years. We both agreed we could probably make it work, it would be easier being in the same country at least! He would ask me things like if I thought we were in love or lust (we still hadn’t said I love you at this point), reassure me that he would never cheat, and would never break up with me. He also mentioned he was slightly jealous of someone in my pics but we talked about it and it was cool. He is going through a lot of stress right now with trying to decide a career, he told me it’s his bad habit to run away from people when things get to be too much, but he didn’t want to do that with me cuz he said I was a keeper. Then he asked some questions about where I saw myself in 5 years and so I tried to answer even tho I am unsure. I think that might have scared him off tho. Cuz 3 days after he told me he sent me a message saying he thinks he needs to be single right now. He assured me it wasn’t cuz there was anyone else, just that there was too much stress in his life. I asked him if I had stayed in Canada would it have made a difference. He said we probably would have broken up when he moved for school. We said nice things about each other and parted on good terms I think, I am just so heartbroken right now cuz he made me let down my guard and I believed he would stay with me. Anyway I went into NC immediately. We will both be back in the same city in one month, so I think it’s good timing if I can stick to it. What do you think I should do?? Should I ask to meet to get closure in person, or to discuss our relationship more? I don’t want to let him go, but it hurts that he felt like I wasn’t worth fighting for, even though he said I was. I still think we could make it work and have a good relationship, but I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want me. Our sex life was pretty good too I thought. Also the first girl he bought expensive jewelry for. I’m just so sad right now 🙁
I want to know, with NC, can I break it if he says he misses me and wants to get back together? (if that happens by some miracle) is NC even a good strategy? Also we have both been sexually abused in the past, he said it was eating him up and I told him he could talk to me if he needs too after he dumped me and offered to stay friends. I can break it if he wants to talk about that right? And after NC, when we meet should I just try to be friends first? I don’t know if I could trust him again even if he did want to get back together. Anyway thanks for reading and I’m sorry for the long message.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2016 at 3:40 pm
Hi Cj,
If you want to get closure, that means you don’t want to try anymore. We don’t recommend NC to work for everybody, it depends on you, if you’re ready to do it. Actually, the rule is, you don’t talk him unless it’s really important. Like if you have a child together, you only talk about the child not about each other. I think you need to read this, to understand the rule more. The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)
Elena
January 3, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Is it a good sign if your ex has told people in his life that you are speaking/hanging out again? His friends and mom know apparently. I have meet my ex about 5 times since the break up in August (I initiated contact at the end of September). Sometimes we are flirty but we haven’t kissed or anything like that yet. He is OK with my touching him etc but other than that- NOTHING. I’m wondering if he is still maybe considering/warming up to me? He’s not friends with any exes and usually cuts all ties….
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 19, 2016 at 6:18 am
Elena,
Yeah it’s good. He’s acknowledging that you are seeing each other again. But how does he say it? Are the people asking if you’re hanging out again? Or he’s telling it in a way like updating everybody about your relationship status? And it’s a good thing that you’re meeting up. Have you thought of ways to level up your Meetups?
Sam
December 31, 2015 at 12:44 am
CHRIS OMG IT WORKED!!!!!!!! You seriously need to put myour story in one of your success stories because it freaking worked!!! I am so blown away I thought my situation was hopeless but I said your mock conversation about how to get back together but.modified it to my own needs and it worked!!! My ex finally agreed to get back together after almost a year apart!!!! I cannot remember the last time I was this happy. I cannot thank you enough!!!!!!!
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 11:21 pm
It would all be confidential of course but I am trying to find correlations between my success stories to better serve people.
Chris Seiter
January 16, 2016 at 11:18 pm
Haha.. of course it worked. I am a GENIUS!
Ok, I am getting off of my high horse.
Anyways, do you mind if I interview you and ask you some questions relating to what you did to succeed?