How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend- When and How To Do It Right

649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”

Alice

April 21, 2017 at 10:22 pm

I have just finished the no contact rule. We had been seeing each other for only 2 months and things ended because mutual friends were putting pressure on him to commit (this did not come from me!). I sent my first contact message which went really well at first…. It went along the lines of:

Me: “Hey, so I’m making pizza with your grandmother’s secret sauce! Delicious”
Him: “is it as good as our pizza? Followed by play time”
me: “Better!! …I’m getting good at this!
Remind me of play time…?”

I didn’t get a response to my last message. I was hoping to engage in a flirty convo but it seems as though he either misinterpreted my message or it was too much too soon. I have waited a whole day still nothing and want to send him another playful message tomorrow saying: “Oh … “PLAY” time….yessssss I remember now! No, was just me and the pizza…(unfort)

**Jeez! Kind of you to spark that thought and not play along (pun very much intended)!!
How are you by the way?”

Your thoughts? Help

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 27, 2017 at 10:40 am

Did you send it?

Jowan

April 14, 2017 at 7:47 am

Hi
I think the whole thing is over but i dont know why i am writting to you.
My boyfriend came to ask to marry me but my family refused him i insisted that i want to marry him but my family didnt accept that because he is not living in our region and also he is poor. I dont know what was exactly the reason but they dont want me to marry him they also said you dont know him very well.. My boyfriend got mad and said if they dont want me so we have nothing to do to make them accept and he said we must accept our fate and get apart but after that i tried another time to persuade my father and it ddidnt work we returned to each other times and times me and my boyfriend and i told him that we will stay together and you will talk to my father after passing some time but we saw that it is impossible my father will agree and we see that we are getting connected to each other more and more so we got apart again but each time i text him and dont leave him in peaceand the last time he got angry and said your family dont want me so please leave me alone and live your life he said dont give me fake hopes as always i told him please come again and dont leave our love to fade away he said we are decieving ourselves by giving ourselves fake hope he said its better to forget each other because there is no solution the last time he got so angry and said go i dont want your family i hate your family so dont text me again and forget me i asked him do u still love me he said no go and live your life find yourself another boy..but i know he is not serious when he said i dont love you.
and it has been 19 days since then i didnt talk to him but i miss him and i cant get back to him beacause i know my family are still the same and they wont accept him and my boyfrind hate my family because my family underestimated him… I dont know what to do. Please help me

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 16, 2017 at 8:19 am

HI Jowan,

how old are you both?

Belinda

April 10, 2017 at 11:34 am

Hi there, I’ve successfully completed the NC rule and my ex did checked on me to see how I was doing. After the 30 days, I started texting him and asking him a random question to start a conversation. He told me that it was funny because he wanted to text me on that day as well. We talked a little and I cut the conversation short. After that, it’s been 5 days I’ve not contacted him yet. When we’re in a relationship, he knows that I would always be the one who initiate things first. I was emotionally dependent on him and he knows that. Even after the break up, I’ve been always the one to contact him first. So should I still initiate contact to build rapport or should I just wait till he text this time? And if yes, I’m not too sure what to text him because he would know that I am trying to win him over again.

EBR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017 at 8:40 pm

yes, initiate but always be the one to end it at high point.. Use topics he always loves talking about

jenny

March 12, 2017 at 1:29 am

after 30 of NC but i don’t heard anything from my ex yet .. what should i do next please help !!! he also don’t wish me on my birthday . i miss him every single day i just want to talk to him again

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 14, 2017 at 6:21 pm

you can initiate contact to slowly build rapport.. follow the advice in this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Ella

March 10, 2017 at 6:45 am

Hello! so I’ve made some progress most of them from this website. He broke up with me because he believes he was hurting me and that i deserved better. He wanted to focus on the more important aspects of his life and he wanted to live his youth freely. I implemented no contact and worked on myself and now me and my ex are chatting. Last week, we met at a party and we had a great night together! Catching up and flirting. I asked him about what he wanted to happen and he said he was so confused and he didn’t know what he wanted. I asked hin if he wanted me to let him go, he said he doesn’t know. Everyone, including him, tells me that he loves me but is just at a point in his life where so many things are going on and he’s confused about having a relationship. After a few days he chats me up about something really random. I reply after quite some time and not overly enthusiastic. He tries to maintain the convo but then after a while he starts to seenzone me. He sent a message this morning, telling me that i got a perfect mark on this exam. His thesis mentor showed him my paper. Then i reply and tell him that his thesis mentor showed him a vid of him singing and i joked about how it was good. He seenzones me. I don’t get why he messages me about really random things that don’t really matter, then when i reply, he seenzones me. I do really want him back but his behavior is confusing, how do i respond to this?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 10, 2017 at 9:48 am

Hi Ella,

it’s good that he initiates, but you didn’t mention if you initiate too. Actually he’s doing what you should be doing, initiate a convo and then leave at high point.. He might have been stopping to reply because the conversation got boring or he has nothing to say anymore.. He’s in control of the conversation. So, turn the tables, and initiate and then end the convo before it gets boring..

Rita

February 24, 2017 at 5:00 pm

Hey,

So, here’s what happened: I found a guy from Tinder and we had a two months rocky relationship that ended because of the communicational problems, at least that’s how I see it. When we broke up, I did all the mistakes I shouldn’t have done and it was not pretty. Now I have calmed down and I’m in the middle of my 30 days NC. I want to try again with him for many reasons. Start a whole new relationship, but with the same person. The thing is he has blocked me from everywhere and since we don’t have any common friends, my only way to cantact him after these 30 days is to write him a letter and bring it to his door. Is that stalking? As I said our break up wasn’t pretty and I showed up behind his door a few times right after the break up.

I have been planning the letter I want to give to him and it’s really important that I will get it right, because basically that’s my one and only chance to get him unblock me, so that it would be posible to us to start to communicate again. Besides, unfortunatelly I’m leaving the country soon (end of the March) which means if he decides to unblock and contact me, we will most certainly build the raport slowly, because of the distance. I don’t see it that bad though, since the mistake we did before was to move too fast in our relationship. And I will get back in a few months if things go well.

So, I’ll be writing him a letter and here is one part of it, I would like to hear your opinion about it. It’s very important that I don’t sound too clingy or desperate, because that’s how I was right after the break up, but that is not how I really am. Here goes:

“It would mean a lot to me to know that after all we are fine. You are always going to be an important person to me and the truth is that I wouldn’t like to loose the contact with you. Let the posibility exist and let’s see where the life will take us. Although, I understand that in this point the decision to contact me is complately yours.”

How’s that for the first (and possibly the only) contact? Besides that, there are few lines about work and dogs we share a common interest.

Thank you for taking time to answer, it means a lot to me.

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 7:31 pm

Hi Rita,

are you actively improving yourself and in posting in social media? If not, you have to restart the count and do at least 30 days again. If yes, extend to 45 days, let’s hope you’re unblocked by then because yes, sending that letter is like stalking. What about email?
check this one too:
EBR 002: What To Do If You Have No Way Of Talking To Your Ex

Mae

February 17, 2017 at 5:47 pm

Hello,
I apologize for the length, but I have a lot to say and don’t know how to paraphrase it lol. Please respond if you can.

So, I recently ended things between my sorta-boyfriend and I. It’s a very involved story on how we got involved with each other, but basically, he had been asking me out for five years prior to us actually getting together. I always turned him down or cut him off because I just wasn’t that into him, nor did I actually trust him enough to get in a relationship. Also, I’m fiercely independent, so the thought of having a boyfriend was almost always induced a cringe from me. This past summer, a friend of mine suggested we should all hang out at the movies. I almost declined because I knew it was a double date, but went anyway. On the date, I was surprised at how gentlemanly he was, and how kind he was being to me despite the past.
Afterwards, we talked everyday for 6 months straight, and things were going swimmingly. I started trusting him bit by bit. However, we did have our problems. I found that he was very secretive about his own feelings, and that he told most people that we were “just friends”. His closest friends knew what our relationship was, but that’s all. He didn’t even tell his family about me. Also, in that entire six month span, we had only gone on ONE official date. He said that he only liked hanging out at houses, or on double dates with my best friend and his best friend (because they were also romantically involved) because it’s more “intimate” and fun. Initially, I went along with it, thinking it was just him being nervous. As time went on, however, I grew increasingly uncomfortable with it, as it only seemed like he was only interested in sex after a while. While we did do things, I told him that I wanted to wait to sleep with him because I didn’t fully trust him yet. He said he respected my decision.

Then one night, things got a bit out of hand and I ended up sleeping with him because I felt pressured (it was a bit forced, to say the least). When it was all said and done, he said it wouldn’t change his feelings for me. Everything afterward was okay until I ended up having a pregnancy scare because of it. Initially, we were very supportive of each other and agreed to not let it get between us. However, shortly after, his best friend and my best friend broke up. Things seemed off during our conversations after that, and I got the feeling that he was losing interest in me. To make matters worse, he started posting rude things on his Snapchat and said that he was “single” in one post. I was distraught, and when I came to him about it, he brushed it off. At one point, he sent a very rude message to me, and I gave him the silent treatment for 4 days out of anger.
When I finally reached out to him again, I told him that I was doing some thinking, but he only replied to the part of the message he was interested in. Then, he didn’t reply when I responded. I tried to call him later that day, but he ignored me. I was outraged at that point, and posted a very discreet yet pinching message on Snapchat saying that I didn’t have a problem with cutting people off so that he would see it. Immediately after he saw it, he went on a tirade on his story, calling me a “h–” and saying everything he hated about me indirectly. Initially, I didn’t pay it any mind, but then it got to me.

The next day, I sent him a very long message explaining everything what I thought was wrong (like how I thought he only wanted me for sex and how I think he only wanted me because his best fiend liked my best friend), and essentially telling him that if he didn’t want to talk to me, fine and that I wasn’t ever going to chase him. It would hurt to know, but I would be okay regardless. Again, he didn’t respond. A few days later on Valentine’s Day, I texted him saying I hope he was doing well because he told me his grandmother died that day. He didn’t respond, but watched all of my snaps on Snapchat. Since then, I’ve been posting a lot to hide the fact that I’m a bit hurt from the break, and he watches them all. He posts more pictures with his friends now, but I don’t watch them everyday to show I’m not chasing.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about getting my stuff back from him, but he won’t respond to me when I ask him about it. Instead, he posts himself using my things on Snapchat. I also sort of don’t want to get it back, though, because I don’t want it to be the last interaction with him. I don’t know where he stands with me emotionally, and I really do miss him because he was always sweet to me. He as also always very protective and affectionate to me. He only started acting differently when he got around his friends (I think they really inspired his bad behavior), and I feel like his pride and ego are keeping him from really expressing how he feels).

Regardless, I’ve resolved to wait a few days before attempting to contact him again for my things. I figure if I give him time, he may reach out. But at the same time, I don’t know because I don’t know the extent of his feelings. It’s tearing me apart to not hear from him, and I slightly regret breaking up with him despite the things he’d done. I want to attempt to reconcile, but I don’t know if anything can come out of it. It just boggles my mind that after all this time of trying to get together, he starts acting this way all of a sudden. Should I try waiting for 30 days or just leave him alone completely after I get my things? What are your thoughts?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 9:37 pm

Hi Mae,

I’m confused. When did you actually became official? Correct me if I’m wrong, but were you friends that started going out and then slept together and now he wants all of that to stop?

Julie

February 13, 2017 at 2:19 am

Ok so I did 23 days no contact. And I know I should text but he’s not the biggest texter. And I just decided to call. Well I called and he answered
He gave me clarity on why the breakup happened (which is some of what I thought – he felt pressure for more commitment after 2 years and he felt we were fighting too much) without getting into it too much – we didn’t fight daily and we are long distance – our fights would just escalate to be really bad to the point where I’d say things I didn’t mean I was grasping at straws to figure out why we were fighting and I made all the stupid mistakes of just pushing
Wellanyways so I skipped the text
And went straight to call
And he asked how I was doing a whole lot and I’m not sure what’s he was looking for
I just talked about what was going on and got update on his work situation – and then I asked if he wasn’t in a place to discuss why he broke up (as it was during a random fight and out of the blue and made no sense)
And then he was saying why but he’d be reminiscing a lot about stuff we did the last two years
So he’s leaving the country next month
What do I do now ?
We ended the convo that I would just wait to hear from him again.

Julie

February 20, 2017 at 6:37 am

So he calls after sending me a pic that was very sentimental / reminiscent of our relationship . Then talks about how he doesn’t want to see me it’s not a good idea so I’m like fine im not playing this game why’d you send me this pic and then call to say you don’t want to see me again
And he said he can’t say he doesn’t want to see me again but it’s not a good idea to lead me on and I’m like well we aren’t friends and that was prettt messed up to send that picture
And so he apologized and said how we have all this potential still and I am very good to him and he misses me a lot
I got a little upset but kept my cool other than I said this makes no sense
I’m not sure why you’d send that pic and then tell me how much you cherish the relationship but you don’t want to get together yet
Is he stringing me along ???
Julie

February 18, 2017 at 12:23 pm

Is it an ego boost or did he answer the phone thinking I was wanting to get togehrr and then when I didn’t – in fact I said several times that I wasn’t saying that – that he then felt like I didn’t want to get back together and he doesn’t want to just be friends ?
What do I say in my text and do I tell him that I’m still going to be in town
Julie

February 18, 2017 at 5:55 am

So he said he’d call me today and he didn’t. I know he’s going out of town so I decided to call him cuz he will be busy this weeken. He didn’t answer
So what do I Do now
He’s the one that asked if he could call tonight
Also do I tell him I’m going to be in town
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 18, 2017 at 11:59 am

If he doesn’t call all day today.. text him tomorrow but if he still doesn’t answer, that’s a sign that he’s ghosting you, which is not good.. Because that leans more on not really wanting to talk to you, especially if you’re making the effort now that he could talk.. I hate saying this but, you have to set a limit after that. First you feel like he wants you to beg, and then he ignores you after that.. totally an ego boost.. if he’s being like that, move on.
Julie

February 17, 2017 at 10:58 pm

He’s suppose to call me today. But I texted him yesterday and he didn’t respond so what does that mean !
Julie

February 17, 2017 at 3:58 pm

He didn’t write back to my text so I don’t anticipate he wants to see me which isn’t good
And I think he does want me to ask for him back – our 2 hour convo the other day he kept saying things and I was so set in the mind set of acting like I don’t want to get together so I wouldn’t want him to think that’s why I called but is that what he was wanting was for me to say it’s ok if we get back together ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 9:02 pm

it’s hard to say from my end, but since you can talk to him right, it means you have a chance of finding out. initiate again with a different topic, when you hit the high point, when both of you are in a good mood, ask or brush on the topic to see how he reacts.
Julie

February 16, 2017 at 10:23 pm

I think it more means he doesn’t want me to handle it
When we talked the other day he kept asking if I was ok and acting like he wanted me to beg to be back together
It seems hard to not ask to be
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017 at 1:37 pm

that’s good if he wants to handle it himself.. but it’s not good for him to want you to beg. That’s an ego boost.
but it’s different if it looks like he wants to talk about it, he just doesn’t know where to start.. if you are having good conversations, it’s ok to open that up but for me if you are going to see each other, then better to talk about that in person
Julie

February 16, 2017 at 8:01 pm

So do I answer when he calls? Or do I need to not be available and call him back?
I just think since he didn’t want to tell me why he called that he was “saving me” from dealing with bad news at work. And he’s going to say he doesn’t want me to come.
I caved and texted this morning saying I was sorry I was busy last night and I hope he doesn’t have to work too late tonight (he’s swamped at work).
So I messed up cuz I texted. So what do I do now
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 9:46 pm

Don’t worry too much. Since you already texted, let’s wait if he says something.So, yes you can answer if he calls. If not, don’t worry for him. You know if you he really wanted you to be there, you would be.. Because if he wanted to save you from stress, that’s means he thinks you can’t handle it right? So, if he does that, have fun. Go on a vacation.
Julie

February 16, 2017 at 7:31 am

So he called but I couldn’t talk so we arranged to talk in a few days
1) can I text and ask if he’s ok because he sounded down
2) if he sounded down because he’s calling to say he doesn’t want me to come visit – what do I do? I already have plane tickets. Do I let him reimburse me or just go on vacation?
3) if he doesn’t want to see me do I just go back into no contact ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 16, 2017 at 7:32 pm

I’d go for vacation. Have fun, don’t let him take that away from you. I mean, you’re looking forward to having fun, if he doesn’t, then have fun still. For me you don’t to text him, because if he wants to talk about it, he’ll text what’s up. As of now, it might look like you’re mommying him.. Since you’re still going to talk in a few days, bring that up if he still sounds sad. If he doesn’t want to talk at all, go back to nc but that should be the last..
Julie

February 14, 2017 at 10:27 pm

So you don’t think he’s interested anymore ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 15, 2017 at 5:37 pm

more probably that he doesn’t want you to expect because he’s leaving.. He doesn’t want to let you hope now, because he’s leaving.
Julie

February 14, 2017 at 8:11 pm

So the thing is
I have plane tickets to see him. He said he’d reimburse me if I didn’t come. I said I was only coming if he wanted me. However – I don’t mind getting out of town and financially it’s not a big deal
Do I bring it up as it’s next week or do I just sit and wait
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 10:03 pm

that’s probably just to make you feel a little less hurt by conveying that he also remembers the good things.. it would be better to ask about the trip when it’s nearer
Julie

February 14, 2017 at 1:44 am

And since I can’t talk about it – how do I convey that we won’t fight anymore? I mean other than not fighting but we aren’t in a relationship to have the petty fights we had
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 7:21 pm

ah ok..yeah, go if he invites you.. Just keep having good conversations, that’s your only option of building rapport and leaving an impression that you’re not always angry anymore, there will be a time that he might initiate a fight or do something or say something that he knows he has to say and he will expect you to be angry, dont be.
Julie

February 14, 2017 at 1:16 am

Well the convo ended that way because we talked about me going to visit in a few weeks before he goes because there’s an event I was sipppsed to be at and he knows he’d be there and wish I was there – so he said he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea because we should “move on” and that I “need to find someone who treats me how I want” and he didn’t want to hinder that – but he has tickets for me to go. And I was like – well I’ll go but I’ll leave it up to you. So he was thinking that ya ill probably go but he was hesitant to commit to it. So I just said ok well I guess you can decide if I’m coming and you can let me know. So that’s that aspect
As far as him reminiscing like he actually brought stuff up! Like remember that one time and remember this and remember that and wasn’t this …. like wtffffff

So if he invites me to go. I’ll go. But if not
How do I keep building rapport while he’s away? Just randomly send messages ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 14, 2017 at 12:26 am

Hi Julie,

Even if the fights wasn’t a lot, if that’s mostly what he remembers in the relationship, then it’s enough for him to say it’s too much..

Dont tell him again that you would wait for his text.. because it’s like you’re saying “I’m just here waiting for you”

I get the feeling that you’re rushing it because he’s leaving. Dont, because no matter what you do he’s still leaving. You dont want him to think you’re being clingy even to the last minute.

You would have to build rapport while he’s away.

If what he said is true, then him leaving is probably one of the reasons because if he doesn’t want to commit, he senses the relationship or you, would demand more effort when he’s away, making it feel like an added responsibility or stress for him, instead of something to look forward to when he’s sad in the new place..

When he said that he would reminisce about the good stuff, it’s like he’s saying, “dont worry, I’ll try to remember the good too, and not just the bad stuff.” to make you feel good because he knows when he said the reason why he broke up with you, that hurt.

for now, don’t initiate for a week. You can reply if he does but be the one to end the conversation at high point. Continue to be very active in improving and in posting.. Remember, you have to convey you have a life, and you value yourself through those posts.. that way its indirect..because if you say directly to him that you’re changing, you wont fight with him anymore and not a responsibility, you will sound like you’re just trying to convince him

Peter

February 11, 2017 at 1:42 pm

Hello Amor,
I broke up with my girlfriend two years ago. We were together 12 years.
We were really great together however she started having really bad mental health problems (anorexia/depression related) and was continually using me as an emotional (abusive) punching bag for the last several months of the relationship.
I had to jump to save myself.
I implemented a two year no contact. The idea was to give her space to heal. I am back to my old self again and really strong and I have reconnected with my old friends and my hobbies.
I have found lot’s of new female friends (strictly friendship only) however I have not found the chemistry that I cherished with The Ex.
The two year no contact is now finished.
She has two male friends she has known since before my time however not had a boyfriend since we broke up.
Visually she still appears very sickly.
I am not sure I wold like to restart the relationship, however it would be nice to see how she is going and maybe start a friendship and see how we go from there.
She dislikes texting.
Would a nice card simply saying hello be a good alternative to initiate contact?
Thank you,
Peter. 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 13, 2017 at 2:04 pm

Hi Peter,

it’s been two years, I think a card is too serious(lack of a better word) as first step..are you social media friends? if yes, comment on her posts or send and friend request..

Lexie

January 20, 2017 at 3:11 am

Okay so my ex broke up with me on new years day. And I did the common mistake of begging him to give me another chance and saying I won’t live without him and that I wanted to die (I really felt and feel that way.) He kept saying no because he thinks that we will just break up again and he doesn’t want to go through all of this again. So I think I made a big mistake of texting him and saying “I’m sorry I won’t bother/text you again. I promise this time.” and directly after that message I started the no contact period on January 7th and haven’t texted him since. Its been about two weeks and he hasn’t contacted me at all since then and I’m actually getting worried that he won’t contact me before the NC period is up. I know from reading every single article on here that he wouldn’t move on that fast but I’m scared that he’s trying to. I mean I didn’t tell him I was doing no contact but I’m worried that I basically told him I was doing NC by saying I wouldn’t text him again. And I’m really scared that he thinks I’m suicidal or that I’m crazy because I said I didn’t want to be alive without him and that I wanted to die. Because if he thinks that then that will really ruin my chances of getting back together with him. Anyway, here’s my question. I see how it says after nc, you start texting each other and I don’t think that will be hard for me to accomplish with us. But after texting, it says you should start calling him. Here’s the problem with that. My ex, when we were together, never really called me. We just never called each other. We used to call and facetime each other a lot in the beginning of our relationship but after a while it stopped. I would sometimes try to call him or I would ask him to call me and he would always say no. He just didn’t like to call me unless it was to say he was waiting outside of my house to pick me up or if it was an emergency. So is it essential to start the calling phase after the texting phase? Because I don’t think it will work in my situation. Thanks and I hope you reply because I really need help haha

Lexie

February 25, 2017 at 1:27 am

Okay thanks for the advice. I hope I can work this out with him. Even after about two months, I’d still do anything if it helped us get back together. I’ll be sure to let you know what happens because you’ve been helping me this far haha
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2017 at 9:35 pm

You’re welcome! I’ll wait for the update!
Lexie

February 24, 2017 at 3:31 pm

Okay so I just have one more question, then. I still don’t want his things if we’re not together but if he’s not going to answer after a week, what do I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017 at 4:05 pm

that means you need to take the last approach of resting for two weeks after that and then initiate again. If he doesn’t reply that means you have to move on and then send his things after that.
Lexie

February 23, 2017 at 9:46 pm

Okay so he did read my message yesterday when I just said “hey” but he didn’t reply so I’m just assuming that he’s not even going to talk to me at all. He probably thinks I’m going to eventually try to get back together with him. So then last night I texted him and I said “if you’re not going to talk to me then you need to come get your stuff. I’m not keeping your stuff if things are like this.” and he hasn’t read or replied to my message so I don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 10:08 pm

Oh no, you can’t get angry when you’re trying to build rapport. I know it’s frustrating, but that’s just how it is. You can’t build a relationship being angry. I think you need to rest for week and then initiate again.
Lexie

February 22, 2017 at 7:45 pm

Oh sorry I just checked again and he hasn’t read it. But if you could still help me with the questions I just asked I will appreciate it
EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017 at 12:21 am

Sure! No problem! I’ll wait if you have further questions
Lexie

February 22, 2017 at 7:43 pm

Okay so 45 day no contact just ended two days ago and I texted him “Hey” 20 mins ago. I only said “hey” because I still have no idea what to say and I was just going to wing it. And he’s read my text but hasn’t replied. I was going to ask him how his dog was doing, if he texted back because I really love his dog and I always called him my son haha. I know I shouldn’t assume anything right now but what do I do if he doesn’t text back? I’ve heard that if this happens, you should give the other person another week of no contact but I’m not sure if that will work in my case. I’m stuck.
Lexie

January 26, 2017 at 10:34 pm

Okay. I trust you so I’ll extend the NC to 45 days. I’ll start posting again and I’ve unfriended him from snapchat because even if I saw that he posted something it would make me upset and I didn’t have any interest in looking at it. I didn’t block him though so he can still see what I post. I’m still unsure as to what to first text him if he doesn’t text me first. I seriously wish I could get the texting bible but I don’t have the money for it. I’ve read each of the articles on this site and I’ve been getting the daily emails from Chris about the tide effect and the other tactics but I’m clueless.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 27, 2017 at 11:45 am

check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
Lexie

January 25, 2017 at 6:28 pm

Thank you for replying. He broke up with me because I was “saying stuff I shouldn’t have been saying.” Basically, I was being really mean because I wanted to see him on new years eve but that couldn’t happen so I was saying mean stuff to him because I didn’t get my way. I don’t know why I’m this way but I’m taking this time during no contact to evaluate my life and my attitude towards other people and him (if he takes me back.) I could say that I’ve been improving myself. My aunt has been taking my cousin and I to the gym twice a week and that helps a little. And actually from the time I first contacted you, I’ve stopped posting on my snapchat story and I’ve stopped looking at his because I realized that if he sees me everyday on snapchat, then he won’t have a chance to miss me. And I’ve been thinking a lot and I still want to be with him, I love him. He still hasn’t texted me since I started NC and I only have 13 days left of NC so I’m starting to get scared that he won’t text me. I don’t know what to text him if I have to be the one to text him first after no contact. I’m seriously worried that I’ll text him something wrong and it will mess up my chance for good (if there is still a chance) Please help me. Xoxo
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 26, 2017 at 12:13 pm

I think you should extend nc to 45 days.. you have to massively improve yourself and make a new routine..go to the gym more, have a make over and do new things and make new friends.. You have to be better, less emotional and more rational before initiating contact..be active in posting again because that’s your indirect way of showing you’re moving on but dont view his posts
Lexie

January 20, 2017 at 3:16 am

I’m sorry but I forgot to mention that we currently look at each others snapchat stories and he’s always smiling and joking with his friend and it looks like he’s moving on but maybe he’s faking it like I am. I post things that make it look like I’m okay on purpose like pictures of my dog and pictures of when I go places to make him think that I’m doing fine (I’m really not doing fine.) but I’m worried that it’s looking like I’m trying move on and that’s not what I want him to think at all so do you have any advice for me
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 3:01 pm

Hi Lexie,

why did you break up? Actually you’re not allowed to look at his posts or social media stalk him during nc.. and are you actively improving yourself? If you dont do calls, texts are ok.. and do you want him you’re just waiting for him?

Amber

January 18, 2017 at 7:23 pm

I have finished 5 months of no contact (apart from responding to emails of essential boring stuff which I had to but I kept it all business). Then my ex called me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago. I watched it ring out because I was too surprised to answer and know what to say. Then about 4 days later I text him asking what’s up. He says he just wanted to see how I was. I said ‘good thanks u?’ and he replied saying he was oaky and mentioned some minor issue he’s having with moving offices. I said ‘oh ok well good luck’. I thought that might be it but he texted again a couple of hours later asking if I still do my creative hobby and that’s really really good. I was feeling weird and reluctant about the conversation because I felt like maybe he wasn’t really interested and I was worried he’d just stop replying to me and I would look desperate again like I was being I went no contact. So after a week a texted back ‘not really. anyway i’m glad you’re okay. btw…’ and then I assured him I was going to sort out this this boring thing to do with bills which i already said I would. As I wanted to end the conversation as I was scared otherwise he would end it. But I tried to not sound rude at all too. I hope it wasn’t rude or too stand-offish.

Anyway so that was about 3 weeks ago. Now I’m worried I might have put him off by being too short and taking long to reply. I just want him to call me. I don’t want to make small talk over text because that’s what I tried to do before the long no contact and I just got left with the ball in his court. Now I’m thinking of calling him as I know he won’t call me anytime soon and I’m worried I might leave it too long and that he feels dejected possibly. Of course I’m scared that he just doesn’t care. I’d rather he called me though of course. Should I call him or would it likely look desperate and put him off? Not sure what to do.

Amber

January 19, 2017 at 6:39 pm

Hi,

just catch up i guess and just see what he says basically. I only want to call because he called me before but I didn’t answer and then I wasn’t all that receptive to his texts so I just feel like maybe there are loose ends and it’s just put it in my head that I want to talk on the phone now to satisfy my curiosity. What do you think? But I don’t want to look desperate or stupid pr anything by calling?
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2017 at 12:41 pm

it’s been too long to react to that call..So, this time, just treat this as a start over and build rapport through texts first..
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 19, 2017 at 6:13 pm

Hi Amber,

if you’re going to call, have you worked out what to talk about?

pezzab

January 17, 2017 at 3:31 pm

Hi i’m about to come out the no contact phase and want to get the first message right.
I’ve seen a band that means a lot to her is about to start touring in a few months, and my friends dog has just had a litter of puppies which are her favorite. i was thinking of either telling her about the band or sending her a photo of the puppies and saying i thought she’d like them. any better suggestion/criticisms or advice?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 17, 2017 at 8:47 pm

Hi Pezzab,

use the puppies because that’s recent..you can use the band topic next time..

Daisy

January 12, 2017 at 5:51 pm

How does all this applies when your ex got your number blocked so there’s no way of even texting nor calling him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 13, 2017 at 11:31 am

HI Daisy,

Are you going to do the no contact rule?

janet

January 11, 2017 at 9:17 am

Hey there,

So I managed to enter into texting conversation with my ex; but I kind of took the flirting too far (it turned sexual) and he rejected me. I didn’t demonstrate that I was hurt too much, but how long should I leave it before starting again with text rapport? How do I come back from the rejection? I was thinking NC for a week? *Note to self… never again!

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 11, 2017 at 1:32 pm

Hi Janet,

commonly it’s a week but try just 3-5 days.

Kyrie

January 7, 2017 at 11:53 pm

Hi, in 2015, I listened to Chris’ podcast religiously (mostly when I took a bath, ha) … and with his advice and tips and mindset tips, I was able to turn my year-long FWB into a boyfriend! Yay, and thank you. 10months in, he has relocated to Ca (I am in TN). I took the drive with him and stayed with him for 1 month, helping him set up his new place. My return was tough, especially ince I literally lost my job that very day. He’s a corporate climber and I am a flimsy freelancer/ budding entrepreneur, so this lack of financial reliability is a source of contention for him. He sees me as having no vision, which I can see, since I have so many passions, but lack focus. Anyway, I visited for Thanksgiving, (his dime), and the tension was apparent immediately. He was less affectionate or attentive so I expressed how my needs were not getting met, and that his tone and our general lack of communication was making me question his commitment to me. He confessed that his frustration is likely coming out in his tone, etc, but didn’t really resolve to fix. Since I still had not secured a job, it felt as though he was holding his love hostage (btw, he has never told me that he loves me). I understand his perspective and he understand mine, but without a solution, I constantly feel like maybe he is just giving me the slow fade. I didn’t really want to test him, but I didnt know what else to do… so I posed “releasing each other of any expectations” (aka a non-agressive breakup) once I go back home, but he did not oblige.. The plan was to return for XMAS and New Years, but my insecurity got the best of me when I felt as though my texts were being ignored and he wasnt calling. B.C of that and my work situation, I didnt not end up going for xmas and new years. He has told me he wants to be with me, but that he needs an assis so that he doesnt feel as though he is carrying the weight. I talked to him on NYE, he even sent a text saying how we should just go camping every NY from now on, but he has not called me this year, yet. I have been exchanging some texts that are reminiscent of positive times, but only mirroring his response time (sometimes 6-12hrs). I realized my insecurity was a major turn off and until I resolve that, nothing else will help. So Ive been trying to work on myself, obtain gainful employment , etc but OMG, the tears that fall every day. I’m realy afraid that I am going to lose my strength and just break it off, but that is not what i want to do. I truly do not think there is anyone else, but the pain of no resolve is killing me, I mean V-day is right around the corner. I want to be mature, and strong and focused on myself but I don’t know how or what to do when I am so distraught. I am so paranoid that he is just waiting it out… for me to break up with him, which is crazy. Any advice? Can a girl get a gameplan = more connection + more postive vibes and less tears?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 8, 2017 at 8:38 pm

Hi Kyrie,

you know what you need to change, you just have to face it and do it. If you need financial stability, then focus in doing that. Sit down and write what you need to do to have more clients. Make yourself happy first. Especially that you’re already with that kind of person. He never said i love you once and yet you added more dissapointments by expecting more from him and worrying he will break up. You’re not broken up yet right? So, lessen your problems by taking control of what you can, yourself. Improve and strive to improve always. Do it for yourself. check the link below:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

may

January 2, 2017 at 3:44 pm

Hi
My ex n i had dated for 4 years. We broke up on 11th Nov 2016 cuz i found out he had been cheating on me with his colleague. He broke up with both of us. I begged him not to leave me but he dumped me cuz i posted his cheating event on my Facebook. He is notorious for cheating even befire dating with me But i love him so much. I had completed NC period for 1 month. I had texted him for two days, 1 text per day, but he didn’t reply. What should i do?

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 6:37 am

Hi May,

for me you should move on..if you dont want to, check this:
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?

Monica

December 14, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi actually I been following the NC with alll details and it was so successful for me to release and find my self back after a horrable breakup I’m on the 27 days couple of days ago he asked about me through my best friend and he told her (send her my regards) and he made sure that she won’t forget. After a day and a half I didnt want to break the NC till I complete at lest 30 days but actually I sent the regards back through my friend as (hey l told her she send regards to you too and your family) he text back (sweet). FYI he is blocked from all calls, msgs, FBI etc.. so the question I’m wondering what’s next expectation and what should I do now ?
Thanks

Cassy

January 3, 2017 at 10:49 am

I have been in NC for 66 days. After 7 months dating. My ex basically left me for another girl. I went extra long without contact because it was a hard break up. I thought I’d wait a few more days I still wasn’t sure if I was ready but I have def improved, I know he will be deployed in a few days (military ). Today I checked his FB and saw he engaged this girl after only 2 months. I’m not sure if I should still contact…this is a tough situation to handle and I’m surprised he is engaged.
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 5, 2017 at 2:40 pm

Hi Cassy,

probably because they’re still in the honeymoon stage and he’s going in military, so that’s a way of securing the relationship or they’re really serious about it. For me, you should move on. If they are in the honeymoon stage, it won’t work out, but that would probably happen once the distance takes a toll on them.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 2:45 am

Hi Monica,

did you mean what’s your next step? Initiate a first contact text..so, that means you have to unblock him

Monica

December 14, 2016 at 11:40 am

Hi actually I been following the NC with alll details and it was so successful for me to release and find my self back after a horrable breakup . I’m on the 27 days , couple of days ago he asked about me through my best friend and he told her ( send her my regards ) and he made sure that she won’t forget . After a day and a half I didnt want to break the NC till I complete at lest 30 days but I actually send the regards back through my friend as ( hey I told her she send regards to you too and your family ) he text back ( sweet ) .. FYI he is blocked from all calls , msgs , FBI etc .. so the question I’m just wondering what’s next expected ?
Thanks a lot

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 2:45 am

Hi Monica,

did you mean what’s your next step? Initiate a first contact text..so, that means you have to unblock him

REN

December 12, 2016 at 1:00 pm

My ex-boyfriend walked out from the relationship we had for 6 and half months, we work together,and i find myself contacting him and wanting to talk to him,i really want him back so that we can plan to and get marriage and have a kids..he is a nice person but he got mixed up with another woman and this other woman has a kid for someone else,but if i call he picks up and if i watsapp him he replies. what can i do to win him back for life??

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 7:21 pm

Hi Ren,

We can’t guarantee that. But for starters, don’t chase him. Did you mean he left you for another woman? Are you going to do the no contact rule? If yes, check this one:
EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

Chelle

December 11, 2016 at 8:22 pm

Hi Amor, so I have actually already completed NC, but I still have not contacted my ex, as I am worried about what to text him.
I was thinking about dropping him a text that pretend like I saw him somewhere and just ask how he’s doing. But I worry he doesn’t respond to it. What would you advise?

Chelle

December 21, 2016 at 1:48 pm

I just sent him a text telling him I started reading a book that he recommended to me a while ago and that it was pretty good and he did not respond. What should I do now? Are my chances pretty much gone or is there something else I could do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 23, 2016 at 11:02 am

yeah, it’s not good.. I think you shouldn’t greet him these holidays.. let Christmas and New year pass better doing a last attempt
Chelle

December 20, 2016 at 10:03 pm

Thank you Amor for all your help!! I still have not initiated contact again (a week hasn’t past yet), however I was wondering, if he doesn’t respond after I attempt to initiate again, should I greet him merry christmas? which would only be a couple of days after I initiate contact again.
Chelle

December 16, 2016 at 5:28 pm

he replied saying that wasn’t him and that he hasn’t been anywhere near this city in over a week. but he also recently added me back on snapchat. so I don’t really know what to make of it
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 19, 2016 at 1:59 pm

well, at least he added you back..that means it’s ok to start being conversational
Chelle

December 15, 2016 at 4:40 pm

Hi, Amor thank you for the reply. So I sent that and he replied, and I replied asking how he’s been and he stopped replying. What should I do now?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 4:39 pm

The you see him somewhere text? Did he just replied where? That’s negative, wait a week before initiating again
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 1:58 pm

You can send that or choose a current topic that he’s interested

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