How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend- When and How To Do It Right

649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”

Dre

December 7, 2016 at 12:34 pm

I’ve completed the 30 days no contact, followed all the texting instructions and gotten great replies over the past 3 days. I’m very happy, but vague…he’s curious…it’s going perfectly! Today he said, “I’m sorry I made you sad. Someone is or will be very lucky to have you”. Now what???

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 10, 2016 at 8:13 pm

Hi Dre,

Just say thank you to those kind of messages and then continue to build rapport.

George

November 29, 2016 at 12:09 pm

Heya, I need some advice.. I have been seeing someone the past couple of months, spent my first night with her Friday, she went away for the weekend and come back Monday, the day she came back was the day she broke up with me.. she wasn’t over her ex who now has long term girlfriend (childhood sweetheart in fact) so has no chance of getting back with her. She was used as a pawn in their mind games.. but fell ‘in love’ with one of them, thus she isn’t able to move on with me. She said she wants space and to be single, so I am giving her the 30 days no contact space, and will stay committed to her, I want her new year to be special. With someone who genuinely cares for her, and makes her happy.. but I don’t know if she will just throw it in my face come the end of 30 days. It’s been 3 months since she broke up with her ex. Any advice would be greatful.

EBR Team Member: Amor

November 29, 2016 at 9:21 pm

Hi George,

Improve yourself. Show like you’re moving on. You don’t have to date intimately but go out with friends. How will she value you if she knows you’re just there waiting?

Cathy

November 25, 2016 at 2:19 am

Happy thanksgiving, Amore. I backed off texting to every few days because it didn’t feel natural. Found out yesterday I need a routine medical procedure requiring sedation & will need a ride to & from. Told him bc he is my legal next of kin & asked him if he could take me to & from surgery center. He was quite concerned. He said he was supposed to go out of town one day this wk but didn’t know when & to check back with him Monday & let me know. We texted each other happy tg & that was that. Today he did not text & wish me happy tg like always has, although he messaged my children. I’m hurt & concerned & don’t know what to think as usual. Also he is sending my son money so he fly in & spend Christmas with me. Soooo many mixed messages!! Trying not to discuss relationship w him, but where in the world is he going with this? Still w live in gf.

Cathy

November 25, 2016 at 2:24 am

Btw, he is not my children’s father.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 27, 2016 at 2:14 pm

Awww.. Happy thanksgiving too! Let’s say that, he’s mixed messages is a good news..So, be patient, hold off asking, and use Christmas time to build more attraction. While you’re not seeing each other, use that time for yourself too.

Patti

November 21, 2016 at 10:17 am

Hey guys,

So my boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me because he didn’t see the future for us, and was a bit depressed in general. He contacted me once during NO, sending funny video, I didn’t respond to that. After NO was over, I sent him different funny video and he immediately responded with a smiley face. What’s my game plan now, how should I continue?

Patti

November 23, 2016 at 9:45 am

I did nc for 3 weeks. As an excuse that I didn’t do 4 weeks I will say, that our break up was very calm (he said he doesn’t see the future with me) and I went into nc immediately after break up, without texting, begging etc. Oh and also we are LDR at the moment. I did some improving, started going to the gym and running, I did go out to a party couple of times and had one date. So should I go back and complete nc till 4th week or should I act as it’s already after nc and start to text him on regular basis?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 25, 2016 at 11:38 pm

That’s very good.. I think you should just start building rapport and continue to do the activities you started in nc
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 23, 2016 at 12:45 am

Hi Patti,

how long did you do nc? How much did you improve yourself and are you still improving yourself? You can initiate again. Use a topic that he loves talking about

Cathy

November 13, 2016 at 6:25 am

Hi Amore. Things have been going well since I started texting w my ex almost 2 weeks ago except for last weekend. I tried texting him a couple of times. The first time I got short friendly response and for the next I didn’t get a reply, which is very unusual. I’m sure he was w his live in gf both times. I don’t think he wants her to know we are in contact bc he told me a few months ago she is jealous and doesn’t like the fact that we are still married. They have been involved for the entire 3 yrs we’ve been apart. What is your take on this & if I don’t text on weekends will it hinder my success?

Cathy

November 15, 2016 at 2:23 pm

Thanks, Amore. That clears up a lot of things. A couple more questions- We are texting every day, M-F during work hrs. Have been for about 2 weeks. Sometimes we text back & forth all day. I still initiate all contact. We usually talk about general things, like kids, business, or things happening in our lives & hobbies, like fitness & his hunting. If I bring up too may old memories, he changes the subject. Is the fact that I initiate all contact and he doesn’t respond to old memories a bad thing? We are not to the phone call stage, but he comes over every once in a while to visit. It’s very cordial- like we’re old friends.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 8:57 pm

yeah, it’s awkward if you keep bringing up old memories. Talk more about natural topics
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 15, 2016 at 7:24 am

of course, because he’s going to be protective of their relationship. If you move too fast or too forward for him, he’ll stop talking to you. When he does that, you just have to let it be. You can’t complain nor demand, even if you’re still married, it’s just on paper right now. He will not start to be friendly unless he’s sure you’ve moved on

Cathy

November 7, 2016 at 1:57 am

Thank you, Amor. One question: If I’m going to be less available, should I still be texting according to Chris’s texting rules?

Cathy

November 12, 2016 at 6:13 pm

Hi Amore. My ex & I have been texting following 30 days bc. It’s going very well. However when I texted him last weekend, got a short answer ending with have a nice day. I didn’t answer but texted him again that night. He did not respond. I’m sure he was with live in gf both times & probably doesn’t wasn’t her to know we are in touch. He mentioned once before nc that she is jealous & doesn’t like that we are still married. She has been involved with him the entire 3years. What’s your take & How do I handle this since it limits our communication?
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 7, 2016 at 6:46 pm

yep you still can

Cathy

November 5, 2016 at 1:53 pm

Hi Amor. You & I were in contact a few weeks ago under a NC topic. Just to review, my husband of 15 yrs & I have been separated for 3 yrs but have remained in a very amicable relationship. He has given me many mixed messages regarding reconciliation. He still supports me financially for the most part since I’m a full time student. He came over occasionally to bring mail & would hang out for an hr or 2. Would always bring wine & the visits were always very pleasant. I started nc because we’ve been in this pattern for the whole separation. Didn’t hear from him until day 29, when he texted saying he had mail for me & wanted to come over. Since it was day 29 of 30 day NCAA, I responded & he came over later that day. He also had a paper having to do with his company ( I own 25%) he wanted me to sign. Referred to me as his wife (why?). We talked mostly about my future career plans & the business. I didn’t wanna get too personal. No relationship talk. Today is day 6. We’ve texted each day except for day 3, with me initiating & him responding, usuall within seconds (usual for us). It’s been very positive & im working on ending convos nicely but abruptly during high points. My question now is, since it’s Saturday & he is with his live in gf, should I contact him? I don’t think she knows we are in contact although he’s told me she does. But in the past he has not responded in the evenings or other times I assumed he was with her. He always responds and visits on weekdays while she would normally be at work. If she realizes we are in touch it may cause grief for him & discourage him from staying in touch. Also, it seems as though we are falling back into the same pattern, however we are in more frequent contact than before. Should I text today & continue following the plan? We are up to 6 50/50 messages. Thanks amor.

Cathy

November 6, 2016 at 6:23 am

Decided not to text yesterday. Almost texted about the college fb game but my phone went dead & I wasn’t home. I plan to text him about it later today & send a follow up text during the pro game.
EBR Team Member: Amor

November 6, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Hi Cathy

I think he referred to you being his wife because on paper you’re still his wife and that’s a legal matter right? You need to become less available because the nc is just the start for your new routine.. He has to think you’re moving on and improving.. If you can find a way to support yourself much better but if not, the least you can do is to have your own life.. So, that he doesnt think that you’re just there waiting…

K

October 26, 2016 at 8:43 pm

I’ve been reading your site and I’ve taken your advice about initiating NC. I do have a question, however, about the use of Facebook. My ex moved to a different country, so we almost solely communicate over Facebook Messenger. I am working under the assumption that your rules for texting apply to messaging, but my question concerns reading the messages. Unlike texting, Facebook allows you to see whether or not the other person has seen your messages.

My first instinct would be to just mute and turn off my ex’s chat so that I don’t get the notifications at all, but you also discussed that there are certain messages that SHOULD be read and could justify breaking the No Contact Rule. If I mute and turn off his chat, I won’t see those messages either.

Should I read the messages he’s sent? Or should I continue to ignore them in their entirety?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 28, 2016 at 6:38 pm

Hi K,

Try to use the unseen app, if you don’t want him to see that you’ve seenzoned him. But in order for it to work,after you install it, you have to open the messenger app and seenzone his latest messages, the next messages after that can be just read in the unseen app.. if it doesn’t work, then you have to seenzone his messages.

tacogirl

October 24, 2016 at 11:51 pm

Hi Chris,

I read your website as soon as my bf broke up with me. Unfortunately, I already texted and called several times before I chanced upon your website.

Anyway, on the 2nd day of break up i begged him to just talk to me telling him i am ok to be just friends, i am not getting back together, i just want us to breakup gracefully and not hating each other. He picked up, we talked.

I thought that was it. I sent on last text and I was done. Last text was 3PM.

Then, the next morning I thought about him but thankfully I no longer have the urge to call. I did not text nor call. All morning and all afternoon (almost). I was surprised to see my phone ringing at 5PM. Then I immediately got a text message after the call. The message was just, ‘hey.’ I almost picked up immediately but I was at a loss for words. I decided to wait and get myself together. I waited for more than 30minutes. I was wondering and asking myself what could be the reason he is calling now. I did not call I just responded to his text with, ‘hi.’ See below:

him: hey
me: hi
him: how are you
me: just ok. you
him: i am ok.
i think it would be very difficult for us not to talk to each other. we understand each other so well
me: i know
him: i want to say dorry for what I said to you you dont deserve it no matter what
let’s not have too much emotions though
me: sorry had to get socks, im cold ( he knows i easily get cold)
i agree
him: listening to a video and doing hw, what a fucking life
me: i want to say sorry too for what i did, i realized too late. i will never purposely hurt you
him: i understand
ok, back to hw, hate it
me: ok
for old times’ sakes, why dont you come at my place. we wont talk about what happened. i wont lie to you though i want to hug you. we are not getting back together. promise (and i meant it, it was far from my mind)
him:i miss you too but it’s difficult
all is difficult
we will cry if i come (he rarely cries in our almost 3years together. and he NEVER said him crying in text messages the entire time of our relationship. i knew right then he was tormented. background of the story: i shared our problems with a family member and i was betrayed. it was presented in a way that i was talking awful things behind his back. he broke up with me without giving me a chance to explain. he never wanted that time to listen to my explanation anymore.

at this point i KNOW he was hurting. he was the one who broke up with me, but i felt he was hurting more.
i went to see him that night, not because i want to ask him back. i was at the point of ive already given up too and i know it was also the wrong time to talk about getting back together.

but when i came to see him, he hugged me and i hugged him back. but there was an awkward space. he was obviously hesitant to be close to me and to trust me again. he told me again how hurt he was and as much as i wanted to explain i totally shut my mouth. at that point i was thinking what’s the point. it’s all done. the ending was, we both went to my place and we slept hugging each other like how we always used to, only more of longing for each other.

i was ready to do the 30 day wait time. in this scenario where it happened sooner – can you share your insight and tell me what i did wrong or what i did right.

thank you very much. you have been such a great help..

forever grateful,
tacogirl

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 26, 2016 at 1:07 pm

Hi tacogirl,

That’s good that you didn’t try to convince him further but you need to give him space.. I think that’s just what he needs and I think you should only do 21 days no contact..

Parveen

October 17, 2016 at 6:40 pm

I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back???

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hi Parveen,

you need to be active in improving yourself during nc.. and you need to listen to this one too:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Parveen

October 17, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Sir I’m in relationship since 6 years. Everything was damn so fine.. We loved each other more. We had plans about our marriage and even having kids. And often problems arised in our relationship.. But after all fights we were together always always always. Now again my guy broke up with me. Just because his family is not agreeing for me. This is only problem in our relationship. His mother doesn’t like me. So he is fed up fighting with his mom and finally he left me. I want him back. My life has stopped somewhere.. I’m unable to survive. Can you please suggest me something. I’m in no contact. I’m following NC rule. This is my 16th day if no contact. And he didn’t even call or text me. And I’m not a girl who can love someone else and marry someone else. I’m committed to my guy. Even he also loves me. But how will I get him back????

Subject: Good evening sir. Please reply to my mail sir.. Please sir

Show quoted text

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 6:45 pm

Hi Parveen,

you need to be active in improving yourself during nc.. and you need to listen to this one too:
EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

Kat

October 17, 2016 at 11:39 am

Hi,

I got with a guy at the beginning of Aug this year and we got on great. I was really happy with him and felt like he could be the one. At the same time a new girl moved in my rented house and would take all her problems out on me. She later started bullying me and would keep me awake at night so I became exhausted. Every time I was out with the guy I was seeing she would send me messages wanting attention and would send photos of herself in bed feeling sorry for herself. She later started walking around the house in her towel making myself and the guy I was seeing feel really uncomfortable.

The weekend of our one month dating arrived. We went on a night out I was so exhausted (because of the girl in my house) and after a few drinks I broke down on the guy I was seeing. The next day I was so ashamed of myself and he didn’t seem impressed I knew it was over. I met up with him a couple of days later but the spark had gone. He kept going off to the toilet and would be away for a while each time. I felt like maybe he was cheating on me. (I didn’t accuse him of anything though) Later that day he turned to me saying he didn’t think I was enjoying been with him anymore. I said I was really happy with him and enjoyed his company and that I was just really exhausted. I asked if we could talk about things but he didn’t want to. He later went home and my gut was telling me it was over. A few days later he text me to see how I was and called it a day with me. I respected his decision. I didn’t have any energy left and knew I needed time out to recover from my exhaustion.

Since the break up I’ve not stopped thinking about him. I’ve managed to catch up on sleep so I feel human again, managed to avoid the girl in my house and also blocked her number so to be left alone, I did the N/C thing and really want to contact him to apologize but I don’t know if he’d appreciate hearing from me. I wish we could give in another go. I’ve started saving to get my own place now. What do you think I should do?

Kat

October 25, 2016 at 10:56 am

Well a week has gone by and I’ve heard nothing. I listened to the podcast and don’t think it would make any difference. He obviously wasn’t worth it like my gut told me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 26, 2016 at 4:41 pm

if you choose to move on, that’s good.
Kat

October 19, 2016 at 10:29 pm

Hi,
I did N/C for a month and a half. I sent him a whatsapp message yesterday for the first time (we use to txt when we were together) I messaged him to apologize for breaking down on him, hoped that he’d had a lovely time at a family members birthday, hoped he was ok and told him about the changes I’d made in my like to make me a happier person. He hasn’t blocked me on whatsapp and hasn’t opened my message yet I feel like he’s seen my message as you can read it on your phone without opening the app. Over the last few weeks when I’ve gone on whatsapp to message friends he has been online at the same time every time then a few seconds/mins later he logs off. I know it’s best to leave it and see what happens but do you think I’ve got a good chance of him replying? Does he even think about me anymore?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 21, 2016 at 4:58 pm

If he doesnt reply in a week, try this for a first contact text:
EBR 053: DECONSTRUCTING THE PERFECT FIRST CONTACT TEXT MESSAGE
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 18, 2016 at 4:30 pm

Hi Kat,

how long did you do nc?

Yasmin

October 14, 2016 at 8:41 pm

So, me and this guy have been dating for about 2.5 years. I got pregnant, but had an abortion. We were living together for 8 months. Then I ended things in feb because I was annoyed he was just sitting around the house doing nothing. Now, I want him back. He met this girl who does cocaine and claims he’s in love with her. Tbh, I think he just likes the fact that she provides him with drugs but eventually he came back to apologize and then broke into my apartment because he apparently had a bipolar schizophrenic attack. He was in jail for 3 months. I did not talk to him once while he was in there. Then when he got out, we started talking again. He told me he wanted a life with me; marriage, kids, everything. Then his mom brought the cocaine girl around him again and now he thinks he loves her. He had the nerve to tell me he slept with her 2 times in one night. I dont think this girl is good for him but he does. She accepts him on drugs and he knows I dont. When he told me he slept with her, he said he wants a future with her but he still wants to be friends with me. Since then, he has only called me once to confirm that we’ll be hanging out once I get back in town in 3 months but i’ve tried contacting him numerous times for him just to leave me on read; essentially ignoring me. Is there any chance that he may see me as a priority again and want to have a future with me? I think the only reason he’s with her is because she’s the only person that will sleep with him, and give him drugs. I just want him back with me. He was always sober and he could be the biggest designer on the new york runway if he just stops wasting time with that girl.

Yasmin

October 14, 2016 at 8:52 pm

Btw, he has since gotten a job since he’s been out and that’s all i wanted him to do. I want him to work for us to be together, see me as a priority, and work towards doing what he loves doing, which is fashion. I still love him with my whole heart, but is there any chance that once I get back into town and physically be in each other’s presence, that he’ll drop that other girl and want to be with me again?
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 15, 2016 at 3:54 am

Hi Yasmin,

Dont love a person for their potential.. It’s good that you a person’s potential but to expect somebody else to be someone else or to change is not empowering.. If he really loves you and he knows that you want him to do better, he will do it in a heartbeat.. no, pleading from you needed.. For me, you should move on.. Move on and focus in your own success..If he does change someday, that’s good but that’s for him to decide and work on.

Sabrina

October 14, 2016 at 5:16 pm

Hi,
My ex broke up with me on october 3rd because he felt like there was a lack of connection. I think he didn’t feel a connection because he didn’t put any effort into our relationship unless we were together. When we were together we were so happy and clicked very well. I didn’t speak to him for a week, until i texted him to let him know that I wanted to talk. I spoke to him today just so I could express myself and I told him how I felt like he needed to have put more effort into the relationship and that’s why I feel it didn’t work out. He seems to not think that we’re right for each other, but I know that things would be amazing if he would just put effort. I want to get back together with him because we are so happy when we’re together and I know that we could work things out. What do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 5:20 pm

HI Sabrina,

how long were you together and how old are you both, and since has he been not putting effort in?

T

October 13, 2016 at 10:53 pm

Hi my ex and I broke up 2 days ago. We broke up because he believed that I couldn’t be “satisfied” but every couple has an argument every now and then right? We broke up through a text because he felt that he didn’t know how to express himself. He knew he hurt me and admitted to being a failure. We ended on pretty good terms but I do want him back being that we’ve been together over a year. I believe I’m going to begin the no contact rule. Is that something you would recommend ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 2:12 pm

Hi T

are you on and off? If not, give him a week.., just be silent and start improving yourself..Let’s see if he changes his mind.. if he doesn’t start the count for 30 days no contact affer that week and continue improving yourself..

If you’re on and off, start no contact now..

De

October 13, 2016 at 10:22 am

Hello ,we were seeing each other for about 5 months, he ended it on 21st sept I text him back on the 24th sept , saying I was glad and relieved its over, he text me 9 days later asking if I’m ok, I didn’t reply for 2 weeks, on the 8th oct i changed some settings on messenger and it notified him and he accepted my message requesr a few minutes later, although i didnt message him ,i just changed a setting which showed up as a message request from me, then on the 12th Oct I replied ‘ yes duck’ he hasn’t bothered to open it and read it, do you think he Will, I wish I never replied I just thought he would accept the message request like the other day but he hasn’t this time 🙁

De

October 14, 2016 at 12:35 am

It was me, I just stopped talking to him because I was hurt x
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 14, 2016 at 3:45 pm

ok, this time, do the 30 no contact rule.. start the count and be focused in improving and healing yourself
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 13, 2016 at 6:00 pm

Hi De,
I’m just wondering why did you stop talking to him? it’s that you implementing the no contact rule or was it just coincidental?

Reiko

October 9, 2016 at 4:18 pm

Hey,
I recently ended things very badly with someone I was seeing. We were seeing each other for 2months and he started to lose interest in me. I guess with everything going on in my life I became more clingy and desperate. What’s worse is I have been diagnosed with depression-which I’m waiting for a psychiatrist to get back to me on. So anyways one thing led to another and I basically acted out and screamed at him for no apparent reason. My friend/boss got involved and threatened him to leave me alone. Obviously to save himself he’s now blocked me on facebook and unfollowed me on everything. I tried to explain what happened on whatsapp after, pretty surprised he didn’t block me there. I asked him if there was any chance we can at least be friends. He replied ”Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea but we’ll see. Not right now anyways.” So for me, I guess there’s hope we can be friends one day right? I must have sounded so pathetic in my last message too… wrote like 1000words spilling my heart out which I suppose was 100% the wrong and pathetic move. I guess I just wanted to try again with the guy if possible. At least start of as friends this time and was wondering if this could work ? It’s been driving me crazy and I’ve been feeling sooo guilty things ended the way it has. I guess I just need some real and sound advice. Will the no contact rule work this way too do you think?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 8:11 am

Hi Reiko,

There’s no guarantee that the no contact rule and honestly, if he knows your situation, I don’t think reverse psychology will work too.. But there’s still a chance of being friends again, that is when you’ve truly changed and healed. Put that first.. heal first. Not for him but for yourself.

Laura

October 9, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hey, so I’m on day 28 of the no contact rule, and he still hasn’t got in contact with me yet. We weren’t together very long, but I know that we could’ve lasted longer if I had done things differently. I know I was the one that was most to blame for the things that went wrong, I started arguements for no reason, I never seemed like I was happy with him whereas he on the other hand, was so good to me and I don’t feel I appreciated him enough. I know what I did wrong and where I need to change things. I really love this guy and we both want the same out of our lives, we both wanted romance and a family and we would often talked about what we would name our children, and often we liked the same names. We were even talking about moving in together as the start, and then moving on to marriage and children. He broke up with me with the old favourite “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse and he also mentioned that he “didn’t know what he wants” He also told me that he “doesn’t think he’s good for me” Which I feel is my fault for not appreciating him enough.

I am preparing for the first contact text, but don’t quite know what to text him seeing as we weren’t together very long, we did go dancing together one night and we both had a blast of fun, do I mention that to remind him of the gold ‘ol days or is that too much of a romantic topic for a first contact text?

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 11, 2016 at 7:12 am

Hi Laura,

you can check this one:
EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

Tina Sawyer

October 5, 2016 at 5:38 pm

way to go wish me luck my second day

EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 3:20 pm

Good luck Tina!

Tina Sawyer

October 5, 2016 at 5:37 pm

way to go i hope it works for me it will be 2 days today i gonna to try no contact rule.wish me luck

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649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”