How To Contact Your Ex Boyfriend- When and How To Do It Right

649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”

Anonymous

January 24, 2015 at 8:48 pm

Hey ,

I have always wondered about something. I had been in a LDR with my ex bf for a year and 4 months and when he broke up with me , he wanted us to stay friends and I was mature enough and respected his decision and acted as if I wasn’t really annoyed with the staying friends thing But the truth is , I really want him back ! I don’t know if I can apply the NC rule with me as well or not but if I am to do this , May I ask some questions that confused me ? How can I just cut all my contact out of sudden with him for an entire month , AFTER reaching a compromise with him to stay friends ??? I mean , wouldn’t that sound so childish and immature of me ? :/
and after staying 30 days without contacting him , i find it really weird and awkward to send him a text message about anything interesting as if nothing has happened ? I mean shouldn’t I in my first message with him show him why I was away all that time ? like making up an excuse or anything ? Because , sincerely just opening a random topic sounds really weird and awkward to me and I believe it’s gonna sound the same for him as well , I don’t know 🙁

admin

January 26, 2015 at 3:32 pm

No, just do things on your terms and make no excuses.

Lily

January 21, 2015 at 6:20 am

My ex and I broke up a month ago, I have done the NC rule and kept myself busy and change somethings. I am now at the place where I think logically about this instead of having my emotions take over. I think I am ready to start talking to him again tho I really don’t know if I should text him since we didn’t really text much only sometimes. Should I just go talk to him in person right away? or what?

admin

January 21, 2015 at 3:21 pm

No, text him first.

Were the two of you just mostly an in person couple and hardly used other forms of communication?
Lily

January 22, 2015 at 3:05 am

Ya we were. We would always talk in the mornings before we went to class and when we saw each other through out the day. We only text for dates and stuff like that.

SANDI

December 29, 2014 at 9:00 pm

My boyfriend broke you with me two days ago. I didnt expect this at all. Things were going fine. Said he was unhappy and just texted and said he wants out. Said he’s moving on he wont remember me. He is not interested anymore. All i was asking for was Quality time alone and he said he just wanted me to chill and relax and let things just flow. What do I do. I think we were good together. I did everything i could to make him happy and did much more for him than he did for me.but i still stood by him and this is what i got. Im hurt. What should I do …

Sandi

admin

January 5, 2015 at 2:30 pm

Have you done any type of NC yet?

Kristina

December 23, 2014 at 1:43 am

My boyfriend and I broke up almost a month ago but i cant stop thinking about him. I want to try to talk to him again but i dont want to push away more then i already have.

admin

December 23, 2014 at 3:17 pm

Why did you break up?

Who broke up with who?
Kristina

December 24, 2014 at 1:28 am

he broke up with me and he said the relationship was different cause i was working so much
admin

December 29, 2014 at 2:26 pm

Were you working so much?
Kristina

December 23, 2014 at 1:59 am

I havent tried talking to him since we broke up, but he hasnt tried talking to me either. He broke up with me because he said it was different since im working so much. We were together for over a year so my feelings for him are still pretty strong. I also tried talking to other guys but that just felt wrong and too weird for me. This guy has a firm hold on my heart.

J.J

November 29, 2014 at 1:19 am

I recently broke up with my ex boyfriend. We’ve been together for a year and a half. Both in late, early 30’s, got a puppy together and within the last 3 or 4 months things started to go downhill. Our relationshp prior was unlike any I’ve experienced before. We rarely fought until about a year in, he asked me to be his gf, he took me to meet his parents and he told me he loved me first. Then a year or so in, life stuff happened to us personally and he started to pull away. Confessed to me that he was depressed and started to slowly not include me in things. I brought it up several times, we both agree we have communication issues but I started to see a therapist and I have gone thru depression before so I gave him my advice and said whenever he’s ready that I’ll be there. Long story short, he said he knew he was being selfish and that he wasn’t giving the relationshp 100% so he said that he hasn’t been feeling us romantically anymore, doesn’t think we’re perfect for one another but on the other hand doesn’t want to lose me out of his life.

Said he wants to still be there for me. We took a small break before that and 3 days after he says he missed me and that some days he could see a life with me and other days he was confused. When I finally confronted him, I said that u unfortunately, I had to make a boundary for myself. I said if he doesn’t want me in his life 100% I cannot be friends with him so I told him we either take a break to figure things out or break up and he cried not knowing what to do. So I left him.

I told him I couldn’t simply just be a friend after all of this. He said he loved me so much, cried and I didn’t talk to him for a week and a half until he contacted me first of course he said he loved me and missed me and I brokedown and said the same thing. Yet I felt I was tricked because he still said that he wants to keep me in his life but didn’t have the capacity to be in our relationship right now. So I went over to clear things out and he couldn’t understand how I can’t just be friends. I left him a letter with all my feelings and stood my ground. I deleted him and his family completely from all social media since day one.

But now that I wrote the letter and he has it. I’m doing the NC rule (two more weeks since I last saw him) and everything and it’s been two weeks and I haven’t heard from him and I guess I just want to know if that letter ruined it for me, or not. Just wondering what I should do next. I’m trying to focus on me, and I have a great support group but I really miss him everyday and my dog.

Thanks for your help

admin

December 1, 2014 at 3:30 pm

NO I don’t think the letter did but it appears not to have helped but certainly it hasn’t ruined things for you.

Melanie

November 27, 2014 at 5:07 am

CHRIS.
I asked this before but didn’t get a response–So basically I have been following your guides and things have been going well. I did NC, got back in shape (trying to be the Ungettable Girl), focusing on school and friends, and have been happier. I have been texting my ex with your tactics and have him hooked–now he texts me first. However, a few days ago I hit a roadblock. He called me and I made some mistakes. I made the phone call last 40 minutes (I lost control and made the call drag!), AND there was a point in the convo where some emotional times in our past relationship were brought up. He was so nice and sweet about it, but I could tell a little uncomfortable. I feel like I ruined my progress however and have kind of ruined my chances. Idk what to do. To make things worse there is another girl involved that he kind of likes, but he told me he isn’t sure about her. WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE UP FROM THIS HUGE MISTAKE? I feel shitty I ruined my progress :'(

admin

November 28, 2014 at 3:20 pm

I don’t think you ruined it at all actaully. Yes, the phone call didn’t go perfectly but generally did it seem like you made positive progress on it?
Melanie

November 29, 2014 at 8:55 pm

That’s the thing. I feel like it started off well, but it kind of dragged and ended up being a little on the awkward side. It was at 3 in the morning too so my memory of it was blurred and we both had to talk quietly on the phone. So it was not the best conversation, and since those awkward/”sad” times were brought up, I felt like it really hurt the afterthought effect (I cried once, he was nice about it and I didn’t cry for a long time..just a few minutes). I texted him on Wednesday and got a positive immediate response, but he was studying for exams and getting ready to see his fam on Thanksgiving so a conversation didn’t bloom. He is in med school so when there is an exam, he just can’t text anyone and I know he is telling the truth about that. I haven’t texted him since or made a move. I don’t know what the next course of action is…do I wait another week? A few days? I also want to make it seem like I am the obvious better option than this new rebound girl. He says they are not together and he is on the fence with her…but what if my convo pushed him towards her further? :’c
Melanie

November 30, 2014 at 4:25 pm

Hi there Chris. Okay, so new update. I knew my ex was free yesterday evening so I trusted my gut and called him. He picked up the phone and it was the bulls-eye call I wanted in the first place. I kept it 15 minutes, had control of the conversation, and sprinkled in happy memories and our inside jokes. He was equally engaged and was just as eager to talk as well. I am so happy! However, we can’t hang out until December 20th at the earliest until he is finished with exams. I want to keep him engaged and have me on his mind for the next month. How do I proceed?

Kristine

October 9, 2014 at 6:05 pm

Hi. Please help me, i don’t know what to do. We broke up a month ago. He left me cos he thinks i’m not ready yet for a serious relationship. I do the NC rule for about 1 week after our break up, and i do the nc again 3 weeks now. I’m seek and hurt seeing his post like he is with someone else. I’m reallu hurt. We’re in a relationship for like 13 days, and it feels like we’re being together for years. I can’ t move on, i want him back so bad. I really love and miss him so much.

admin

October 13, 2014 at 3:09 pm

Only for 13 days? Why did it end so suddenly?

Emmi

October 8, 2014 at 8:54 pm

My boyfriend and I were on and off for a year, we started as friends and moved into a relationship that straddled friends/lovers. We went on holiday together and then he basically dumped me as soon as we got back, with no particular explanation other than him wanting a new start (and possibly his ex sniffing around). Problem is, he hurt me and I pretty much emailed him to say I’d never be contacting him again. I then found your website! The no contact is killing me, but I’m determined to see the 30 days out. BUT do you think my angry email that ranted about his behaviour and said I’d never contact him again count against me? I want him back, but he’s probably not expecting anything from me – and probably explains why he’s not bothered to get in touch. It’s tough.

admin

October 9, 2014 at 1:41 pm

Nc is definitely the way to go!
Emmi

October 9, 2014 at 2:21 pm

Phew – glad I haven’t totally shot myself in the foot! Thanks 🙂

Jeni

October 5, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Hi!
I was sending a sms message to my ex boyfriend asking him – Do you want we meet? After many hours he responded me – Are you sure, why you want me? And after I wrote to him message – I miss you, but yes you`re right about decision of breakup, maybe it`s better.
And that’s all, he don`t reply. I`m wondering why?
Amy

September 16, 2014 at 8:33 pm

Hi Chris,
I am on day 15 of NC and my ex boyfriends birthday is on the 4th October – is this a good chance to reach out for first contact to wish him a happy birthday?

Thank you

admin

September 17, 2014 at 4:23 pm

Nope, if it falls in NC dont do it.
Amy

September 17, 2014 at 7:45 pm

Well it will be nearly 5 weeks of no contact on the 4th October.
admin

September 18, 2014 at 4:30 pm

Ok, do you have a text message picked out to text him?
Amy

September 20, 2014 at 7:14 pm

Nothing specific as yet. Was going to wish him a happy birthday but I feel I should say more, but not sure what? Thank you.
Luna

October 9, 2014 at 4:05 pm

Hi- out of curiosity (being i am in the same situation as you) did u txt ur boyfriend, “Happy Birthday,” if so did he respond?

Lindsay

September 16, 2014 at 4:47 am

Hey Chris,
My ex and I were in a committed relationship for 3.5 years. It has been 7 weeks of no contact. He hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t contacted him since the day of our breakup. (I did NOT beg or text him at all saying I miss you or ANYTHING! So proud of myself!) He was out of town this summer and broke up with me during this time. He has been back in town for 2 weeks now. The thing is, we never argued about anything or discussed any issues before the breakup. He did an out of the blue breakup. He said he had been bottling things up and “letting things go and letting things go” hoping they would change (like magic! lol). So I feel like implementing some of the texts that you suggest would seem strange in my situation because him and I haven’t actually discussed our issues. I would really like to discuss our issues and see if we could work it out, but I don’t want to scare him off. I thought about calling him and leaving a voicemail (being positive and upbeat) and ask him to get together and “catch up.” (I wouldn’t mention the breakup during our meetup unless he did.) Do you think this is a bad idea? It doesn’t seem genuine for my situation to say something like “you’ll never believe what I just saw.” He is an avoidant type (obviously). He hates conflict and therefore is not good with communication and expressing his feelings and needs. I feel like if I make the wrong move, he will ignore me.

admin

September 16, 2014 at 3:32 pm

I would do that AFTER NC and after a bit of build up.
Lindsay

September 16, 2014 at 6:42 pm

Well, it’s been 7 weeks of NC…not sure how much longer to wait? I thought I could use another week or two to get myself together. But I just don’t know how to reach out or what to say. So you think calling him and leaving a voicemail about meeting up would work?
admin

September 17, 2014 at 4:18 pm

NO send a text. Think of something that he would without a doubt have to respond to.

Sarah

September 2, 2014 at 3:29 am

After almost 5 months with my bf he completely cut off contact with me. He has a very stressful job that keeps him away for long periods of time working crazy hours. I’ve been completely supportive as him being gone is definitely something I can handle. He came home two weeks ago and wasn’t home for a full 12 hours before he was called back. He seemed distant and upset and this bothered me because I wanted him to push that to the side and enjoy the few hours we had together before he went back. We got into an argument but talked to next day and everything was fine. My birthday was a few days later and he texted at midnight saying he wanted to be the first to wish me happy birthday. The next day he told me he missed me and the next day I never heard from him again. With exception to an “I’m ok” and “busy” text he sent when I texted that I thought he was hurt. I’ve been very selective in my calling and texting. After those texts I went a couple of days, tried calling again and when he didn’t respond sent a text telling him basically I expected more and wanted to just have some closure. I know it seems crazy but I honestly think he ceased communication because he thinks his job has doomed us or u guess him really to never be able to give me what I need which is not true. I know I’m not supposed to text him but it’s killing me because I want him to know that I want to be there for him and I know he’s miserable right now working. I’m prepared to wait the 30 days but scared that I won’t be able to tell him all of this if I wait too long. Won’t he think I don’t care about him if he doesn’t hear from me? Shouldn’t I at least let him know that his job isn’t a problem and that it’s much worse not having him than just missing him when he’s gone but knowing he’s still mine???

Ps. I swear I have not been a gnat. This has all happened over a week and I’ve called 3 times and texted three times.

admin

September 2, 2014 at 2:29 pm

Tell him that after NC… and after you lead into it a bit.

Kristen

August 25, 2014 at 9:09 pm

hi Chris,
So I text my ex a few days ago after 35 days NC. I sent my first text and after about an hour he responded (which I think is a good sign). My initial text said “The other day I saw the preview for the new sin city movie coming out soon that made me think of you. how are you? Hope all is well”. He responded: “Yeah I wanna see that. I’m alright stayin very busy with work and doin construction on the side. How are u? hope all is well with u too”. I responded like an hour an a half later saying “I’m good. Lot of time spent applying for jobs and going on job interviews. Apart from seeing my favorite band in concert 3 times, of course.” Didn’t think there was anything too wrong with that but he did not respond after that.

Not sure what my next move should be?
1. Did I unintentionally do something wrong in a way where he couldn’t respond to my text?
2. Or should I send another first text to where I can actually end the conversation better?
Lei

August 20, 2014 at 5:53 pm

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Hi mr chris,, me and my bf broke up 1 month ago, i followed d NC rules and i finally completed it, today i texted him, i gave him a message i followed ur advice to gave him a nice mesage and to remind him one of our good times together but sad to say 7 hours had past but still there is no any reply from him. He contacted me on the day 18 but i refused to answer it, now i dont what is happening..

admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:53 am

Go into NC again for a week before you try anything else.

Aelyn

August 18, 2014 at 1:44 pm

My bf and me were in a LDR and broke up at the beginning of the year. I got in touch about a month after the break up and we texted for several hours. NC for 6 months so far (didn’t even know it is a planned method until I read this website, just felt better to get my life in order). I have 2 jobs now, new hobbies, friends, back studying, I’m a very different person. I am tempted to contact him so I can see if there will be any emotions, he added me on a social network a few months ago but made no contact further, nor did I. Also I wanted to propose a getting together also to see if I am truly over him (once we are in the same place of course). He broke up with me, but I was also on edge so I didn’t put up a fight. Should I drop it or try to get in touch?

Lei

August 20, 2014 at 5:50 pm

Hi mr chris,, me and my bf broke up 1 month ago, i followed d NC rules and i finally completed it, today i texted him, i gave him a message i followed ur advice to gave him a nice mesage and to remind him one of our good times together but sad to say 7 hours had past but still there is no any reply from him
admin

August 19, 2014 at 1:58 pm

I think you should only give it a try if you think he is worth the effort and can make you happy in the long run.

Victoire

August 16, 2014 at 7:20 am

after 3,5 years of being together and living together for 3, my boyfriend left me.
did not have any contact for around 3-4 weeks other than 2 messages regarding picking up things (yes i know it is still a message) and then recently he messaged saying he saw i was away with work and asked whether he could call me.
he called – we spoke about everything, from arranging picking up stuff to what we had been up to and also about us and how it was and also a little about the breakup (taboo i know). I found the conversation a great ice breaker as i know there will almost certainly be events and situations coming up where we will both be there.
one thing threw me though – toward the end of the conversation he said “when i was moving up here to move in with you I told all my friends I thought you were the one” (this was something i did not know as he had never told me) and then went on to sprout his concern as to whether he thought he would be ever able to have a long term relationship.
i have now written to say that i need time to process the comment so that when i see him its not in the forefront of my mind as i want to be able to move forward and talk about normal things with him and our friends.

I just do not understand why on earth he would come out with something like that – I know he feels close to me and can be open but he was the one who left and broke my heart. Self reflection would tell you not to say things like that surely..?

admin

August 18, 2014 at 12:53 pm

Sorry, what would you like to ask me? Having trouble deciphering a question in here for me?
Victoire

August 20, 2014 at 5:04 pm

apologies – was slightly rant-like.

do you think it is worth to not give up ? and what your take on the situation generally could be?

at the weekend someone asked him why on earth he left me and he said ” I dont know…shes beautiful, smart, funny, successful”

(I sent a longer fuller story to your email, however I know you receive very many and so wanted to try and condense it down a little)
admin

August 25, 2014 at 11:53 am

I am a straight shooter so this is me being honest.

I think the only way you should not give up is if you think he can be a positive impact on your life.

Jane

July 29, 2014 at 1:50 am

Hi Chris. I just want to ask for some advice hope you can help me. I and my boyfriend broke up since jan 1 2014, were in 2 yrs long distance relationship.He broke up with me because he said that he can no longer do it or in a ldr relationship. We continue to talk after tge break up then after few months I noticed that he is no longer interested talking with me. Then during May I went to no contact rule for 30 days then I finally answered the message he leaves in my fb then we talk really great. He opened some topics about the past and he said that he still loves me and he tried to move on but no one can replace. He also initiated to have skype and I agreed and we have fun talking to each other. After that the next communication is after one week. I noticed that there is something strange like I feel that he is no longer interested again talking to me and he is always busy. And when we it is always me who opens topics to talk. What will I do now? I am planning to have have NC rule again for 30/60 days. Do you think this will help?

admin

July 29, 2014 at 8:00 pm

Was there ever a larger plan where you two would work together to get closer together?

H

June 20, 2014 at 3:04 am

This is gunna be a long one. So about 6 months ago I packed up and left my current boyfriend at the time I don’t know what made me do it. Anyway I started dating someone else. I then realized that I was still inlove with the guy I left. Anyways we talked everyday and we finally came to conclusion that we both loved each other. I was going to come back home n we were going to work on things. I even suggested couples counselling.Anyways all of a sudden about two/three weeks ago I had this really bad gut feeling as if he was seeing someone or something anyways he denied it and considering he was always truthful with me I believed him. Well last week his phone wasnt working *so he says* but i called n it rang and i left voicemails “not nasty ones” .yesterday he messaged me out of the blue saying he dont think he can be in a committed relationship because of what I did to Him. He said he had to think about it but that he still loved me. I understood. Today he figured he’d tell me he’s been hanging out with someone and it makss him happy. I dont know whats going on but I think its revenge although he said it wasn’t. He kept bringing up what I did wrong which I took full responsibility for. I love him to death and I want to win his hesrt back I am so confused on what to do or think!
Courtney

June 17, 2014 at 3:41 am

I need help! My ex and I were together from 3
2008-2011 but even post break up we talked almost daily regardless of the relationships we had. We have each only had one since each other and have been out of them over a year. This time last year we started hanging out again and I foolishly agreed to a FWB situation bc he said he didn’t want to jump into anything, a year later (just 10 days ago) I professed my love to him. He told me he doesn’t love me the way I love him.. He also said I was clingy and drive him insane. I started no contact 8 days ago- he has yet to contact me! He has a huge ego.. Do you think no contact works in this situation? I’ve loved him for 6 years and have never gone this long without talking.

admin

June 17, 2014 at 8:54 pm

When was the last time you even were on his radar?
Courtney

June 18, 2014 at 3:36 am

We have hung out one to times a month for the past year!

V.

June 16, 2014 at 3:35 am

He says that he loves me but because I was so negative and freaking out on small things that he can’t be around that. I know I need to change that first, but I still wanna take things slow and just be friends with him right now,I know I can handle that, but what do I do? how do I get him to befriend me again and eventually become better and stronger in the future?

admin

June 16, 2014 at 2:25 pm

Can you give me an example of something he was talking about with you freaking out about small things?

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649 thoughts on “This Is How You Should Contact Your Ex Boyfriend”