How To Get A Guy Back That Pushed You Away

75 thoughts on “How To Get A Guy Back That Pushed You Away”

Linda

May 26, 2019 at 4:55 pm

Hi Chris,

Hope you are well? My boyfriend broke up with me on the 16th of May. It would have been our three month anniversary on the 25th of May. He said that he had a lot of doubt in his head as after we were dating for a month I broke up with him out of family pressure. They did not think he was good enough for me. I realised what a mistake it was and told him that would never happen again. My family are willing to accept him and he was even planning on meeting them on the 1st of June. He said the reason we broke up was that he thinks my family only want me to marry someone from my own culture and not any other race. I have explained to him that I told my family that I will marry whoever I want and that they have accepted it. He said that he does not want to tear me away from my family. I told him that it will not happen as my family just want me to be happy. He also said that he does not like my dress sense as he finds that I wear baggy clothes a lot and it reflects on the way I was raised and he doesn’t want to change me. I told him that those clothes were my choice as I had body confidence issues and I was working through them and it was my intention to change them before I even met him. He also said that our music choices are very different as well but I told him we can compromise on that; it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker.

Anyway, I phoned and texted him a lot about it and then finally he called me on Wednesday this week and told me he needs space.

I am doing the no contact route at the moment as I want to give him space. However, he has been watching all my Instagram stories and today he liked a picture I posted on there.

Not sure what my chances are with him as he is a great guy and I want us to work. I want him to know that my culture should not be a roadblock. Yes there will be cultural differences but I really want us to talk and see if we can get past it.
Luke

May 24, 2019 at 10:58 pm

Hey Chris,

Thank you for this article! My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship for 8 months, I started a huge fight with him around 5 days ago and he wanted to break up with me. I was nervous and lost my cool so I tried to convince him to stay, and I did it again the next morning. Of course it ended up badly and he was stressed out. I told him that I didn’t want to break up and we should cool off a bit, he agreed ( I guess rather reluctantly). We haven’t talked since.

So I would very much like to apply NC on our situation, but the problem is, I have this plane ticket to visit him 18 days from now, so I could not apply a full course of 21 days of NC. Plus he was planning to go back to his home town (which is far from where he lives now) before I go, but he wasn’t so sure when. That means I will have to shorten the NC just in case he thought I had given up on us and planned the trip back home around the time I arrive. So I’m a little worried that it might work. Do you have any insight on this? Should I contact him after 14 days of no talking? Which is around 9 days from now, cause I kind of need a little time to arrange my travel. Thank you.

Chris Seiter

May 25, 2019 at 2:39 am

I think a 14-17 day No Contact Period makes sense give the circumstances here. It is important you understand how to properly implement NC along with the other tactics. Take a look at my EBR PRO Bundle Program!

Lola

April 21, 2019 at 2:38 pm

Hey Chris,

My ex-boyfriend broke up with me a little over a week ago. We had been together for over 9 months but have been going back and forth between being together and breaking up the last few months. It started by him wanting to limit contact and asking for space, I reacted badly to that because I didn’t understand why he was doing that. After our 7 month mark he had texted me saying “the spark isn’t there anymore” after that text things were on and off for two months. I still want to be with him, I have this entire time, he’s the one going back and forth. Finally, he had just said “I’m done” over and over again but still telling me how amazing I am and everything. After our 8 month mark I decided to do no contact for 3 weeks. But, we both agreed to do it to work on things between us. When that time was up we met in person and talked, he said he had nothing to say and was still completely done with the relationship. How can he just be “done”? He even said right now he didn’t love me because of how I reacted to things going on between us. But, he was still attracted to me and had feelings for me. So, that was a little over 2 weeks ago that we talked about everything. He said he wanted to be friends but then started treating me badly and reacting badly every time I initiated a conversation. I did push a lot, I pushed him away by constantly questioning him and trying to get answers from him as to why this was all happening after the break up. Or what had changed. He has changed as a person after the break up and throughout the on and off time. We still have a Snapchat streak, which I know isn’t technically following the no contact rules but it was never conversation. Random pictures. After a few days of pushing for answers I decided to just stop talking to him. Except for the streak still going on Snapchat I’ve been doing no contact for a little over a week. Until yesterday, I decided to strike up a conversation and he continued it, we also had a full conversation this morning. He is and has been sending so many mixed signals through all of this its driving me crazy. I don’t really know how to feel about any of it. Conveniently after we broke up all of a sudden this coworker pops up in he friends and followers list. They hung out all night last night until about 4:45am this morning. Which he openly told me for some reason. I asked if she was a new friend and he said “yes, she’s a new friend” which that was me giving him the opportunity to tell me if it’s something more. I guess I just don’t know what to do next? Or what I should even do? He still isn’t showing interest. I want him back but I don’t know if anything is going to work for me.
Ayda

April 2, 2019 at 7:36 pm

hi chris
me and my boyfriend were together about 4 years (long distanced but we know each other since childhood and we kinda are relative)
and we broke up once ago but came back with help of you and your page thanks forthat♥️
but after year we again broke up about 2 months ago
i immediately started NC but after it ended i was uncertain to text him so I didn’t but i had to go to the city he lives and stay there for a week
during that time he just texted and said welcome here and NM and although we meet each other many times and were at same party but there wasnt any conversion beetween us
now i was wondering should i go on an other NC and contact him or what
can you help me plz
i need this thnk:)

Chris Seiter

April 2, 2019 at 9:40 pm

Hi Ayda…sounds like you should explore striking up some text conversation to explore where things stand.

Candace

April 2, 2019 at 4:06 pm

Hi Chris
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years moved out 16 days ago and has only told me “I can’t do this anymore”, “I’m not coming home” and “you are such an amazing woman, are strong, powerful and beautiful and will have an amazing life”. He left after we had a very big fight while we were on a family vacation. I am for sure an UG, but made some really big mistakes these past three years as well (so has he) which caused us over the course of our relationship to have about 6 very big fights. He has threatened to leave historically but never has. This time he has left (still has a lot of stuff at my house and we are joint everything and own all assets together) and has changed his banking, passwords (i.e. netflix which I use as well), etc. We had to talk last Friday to pay some bills but I have barely heard from him other than the odd text saying “I hope you are doing well”. nothing in the past five days though. Will he come home? What is he thinking or going through?

Chris Seiter

April 2, 2019 at 9:42 pm

Hi Candace…..so guys can flake out sometime and just need to go away and clear the mind. So I assume you have implemented No Contact as part of your ex recovery strategy. Feel free to check out my Program for many more details of how to proceed during this post breakup period.

Dawn

March 29, 2019 at 12:46 am

Hi Chris,

I read on your site that once the NC period is over, I should reach out to my ex. It also said that I should always be the one to end the conversation. Do I do this by just not replying to one of his texts for a few days? Or do I “announce” this in the conversation by saying something like: “…gotta go now. Have a great night!” My NC period is almost over so I want to make sure I do this the right way. Thank you.

Chris Seiter

March 29, 2019 at 10:17 pm

Hi Dawn…I go into all these details in my epic long eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”, so go take a look! There is a certain method to trying to get the communications off the ground. Think small – little moves in the beginning with a slow evolution

Dawn

March 28, 2019 at 11:26 pm

Hi Chris,
My ex-boyfriend and I dated for about 5 months. I’ve been betrayed before so I really tried to go slow so I wouldn’t get my heart broken again. He seemed so committed and told me that he wasn’t going anywhere and said that he really saw a future with me so I finally let myself fall in love with him. He told me I was amazing and he couldn’t ask for anything more. Then a week later, he broke up with me. This was 3 months ago. He said he couldn’t handle a relationship, was overwhelmed and confused, and I was too good for him. I got very emotional because it completely caught me off guard. We’ve texted back and forth a bit but I’ve always been the one to initiate. He always responds right away but usually with just a few long texts, then stops. The last time I indicated to him how frustrated I was that it didn’t look like we were still friends because I’d been waiting 2 weeks for a text back to our last conversation. He gave me a lame excuse of being busy with school, etc. I saw your site and really want him back so I’m using your NC rule. It’s been 25 days since that last text. I even went completely invisible on social media hoping that he’ll notice a change in my behavior and wonder what I’m up to. I’m wondering how long I should go with NC. I know that I should have tried this right after the break-up 3 months ago but this suggestion is brand new to me. Now I’m concerned that I waited too long to use this method. Is 30 days good, or should I go longer since I waited so long?

Chris Seiter

March 29, 2019 at 10:19 pm

I agree..taking small steps and going it slow leaves room for you to heal and grow as well as allowing your ex to reflect on what is truly important to them. NC periods usually range 21-30 days, but its different for everyone. Got check into my Program as I spend 485 pages going into a lot of details like this!

sbp

March 25, 2019 at 3:16 pm

Hi Chris!
Can you produce and article regarding signs that an ex that you have been in contact with and have remained close is pushing you away because he is interested in someone else? Thanks;)

Chris Seiter

March 25, 2019 at 11:24 pm

Thanks for the suggestion..great idea!

Ashi

March 10, 2019 at 11:08 am

Hi Chris,
Me and my bf are in a long distance relationship from last 7 months. I sent him a rude text because he wasn’t replying to my texts and we were not talking much due to a dental surgery that he had last week. I was really worried about his health and that we were not talking. He has now blocked me on Whatsapp and phone ( we aren’t connected on any other social media app) I am freaking out please help me. I don’t wanna be without him. I love him

Chris Seiter

March 10, 2019 at 9:32 pm

Hi Ashi…ouch…so rude texts might make you feel better, but they probably don’t help in the long run. Try not to freak out anymore because that will just make things worse. Go pick up my eBook “EBR PRO” because you would benefit from having a Companion Guide right there by your side to help you with healing/recovery and those things you can do to better your chances.

Virginia

February 18, 2019 at 6:22 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve been on your site for over an hour reading things, and this article resonated with me. My bf of 3.5 years hit me with the, “I don’t feel a spark” and “I love you, but I can’t get those lovey dovey feelings back as much as I want to” conversation. That was right before Christmas those words were said. He’s also going through “the lowest point in his life” and is struggling with family, his job and finding value and happiness. I went into panic and recovery mode and did the most, but he finally pulled the plug and broke things off 3/4 days ago. I have thus packed my things and am moving out of our apartment. I’ve started the NC rule. This isn’t the first time I’ve packed my things and have moved on, but this one hurts as we were just looking at engagement rings in October.

Is there even a chance when someone says they are no longer IN LOVE with you?
alina

February 12, 2019 at 8:53 pm

This guy and I got together and he had just gotten out of a relationship of four months. We were casual at first but then things got serious between us. We started doing relationship things together. I also had nowhere to live so he offered for me to stay with him. Things were really good between us, we are super compatible, got along great, no fights. Then he started to get stressed so I offered to stay somewhere else. Then we talked and he said he wanted to live a simple life and he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that things moved too fast and aggressive between us and he needed space to figure stuff out. I asked if there was another girl and he said no. Ive been giving him space, haven’t messaged him. But we hangout at the same places, with the same friends, so we see each other a lot. However, he was ignoring me for awhile until he finally said hi to me yesterday. Things were so good between us, and I just want to know how to get him interested in me again? or a committed relationship?
Anita

February 9, 2019 at 11:45 am

Hey Chris, thanks for your article it’s really helped me view things differently. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years, during this time we spent most of the time together, I admit we may have fallen out of love a couple of times over the years but we always found a way back to each other, he recently moved overseas for a masters and after some time he asked me for a break that he was going through stuff and needed the space, I didn’t give it to him tho I felt we could work through whatever it is, a month after that we finally saw and spent the Christmas holiday together, I went through his phone and noticed he was seeing this other girl, I confronted him about it and he said it was nothing and that he loved me but we was just in a bad place in his life. After I got back home we texted and had normal phone calls for about 3 weeks and everything seemed okay. One day I logged into his messenger and noticed he’s spending a lot of time with this same girl, I got mad and texted her, texted him too and made a huge scene. He apologized continuously and told me how he could never replace me and was sorry for the heart break but never said he wanted to work on our relationship. I blocked him while he was typing and started the no contact rule, it’s been 8days and I haven’t heard anything from him, please help me.

Chris Seiter

February 10, 2019 at 1:01 am

Hi Anita!

Looks like you both could benefit from having some alone time so as to evaluate what is truly happening in this relationship. If things don’t come together or at least move in that direction in the week to come, then you should consider my Program of ex recovery.

Christine

February 6, 2019 at 6:08 am

Hi Chris,

Love, love, love your article! I see a lot of truth and similarities between my ex and what you describe. My long distance relationship of over a year recently ended (suddenly in my opinion) and a big reason was due to a need for space and room to work on himself. There are obviously more contributing factors, but I know a lot of your insights are helpful in helping me see his POV. My biggest concern reading this is that I have already broken the NC rule. I’ve talked to him on the phone regarding our relationship and seen him in person since the breakup. However, he does live long distance and now we won’t see each other for a while. Is it possible to NOW start a NC period? Or is too late? Thank you!

Chris Seiter

February 7, 2019 at 2:21 am

Thanks Christine! Not too later to start NC. There are a lot of moving pieces in implementing NC to its fullest form, so be sure to check out my Program to learn more!

Magda

February 5, 2019 at 5:47 pm

Hi Chris and Team!
Great article, really brings awareness of men’s way of thinking and possibilites how to handle it. I am definitely more aware now about my mistakes and being too controlling and I am working on that quality. But I have a question. How to create a Fear of Loss, when my ex already told me I would be much happier with someone else than him and he doesn’t want to be in my life anymore? It seems that he is completely fine with loosing me. One month of NC passed away and he is having great time with his friends (who don’t like me and don’t want him to be with me). He’s not using social media and he avoids our mutual friends. What to do?

Chris Seiter

February 6, 2019 at 1:28 am

Hi Magda…thanks for the kinds words. Not every guy responds the same. Perhaps in the near future you will have a better sense if he is opening himself up to revisiting the relationship. After NC, my Program calls for you to reach out in a certain way. So work thru that before drawing any lasting conclusions.

Shawna

February 3, 2019 at 12:28 pm

Hello. What if he started to push me away (he’s dealing with some very personal stuff) and I am the one who impulsively deleted him? I then sent him a message saying it was easier for me to delete him as my heart was broken. He replied I still have a special place in his heart. I know he needs this space right now, but I was too quick to just delete him. He can still contact me in a couple of other ways, but since I’m the one that reacted too quickly, will the NC rule still work for me?

Chris Seiter

February 4, 2019 at 3:59 am

Hi Shawna!

I understand…some guys have some personal stuff they need to work through. So I think NC is the right medicine and you can let him know you need some “alone time” too and will be dropping off the radar to reflect on things and focus on being the best “you”.

Christine

February 3, 2019 at 3:53 am

Hi Chris – I’ve been dating my 30 yr old boyfriend for 3 years. Everything was going great and in the last 6 months, I think we would agree things were getting even more serious. Our families took a trip to Europe together, I spent Christmas at his parents, and we agreed to moving in together at the end of the year. Three weeks after the moving in together conversation, he started acting differently. I thought he was having another stressful week at work (which is very common – he works LONG, intense hours) but when I asked him to talk about it, he said hes been stressed at work, he’s been worried about moving in together & he thinks we should take a break for a week or two to figure out what he want before we start another busy year together. He said if we are going to be forever together, he’s needs some time alone to think. I haven’t spoken to him in a week and I am devastated. I’m not going to reach out first because I want to give him the time he asked for. I’m preparing for the worst (an official break up) but since nothing was wrong, I have a hard time believing that will actually happen. The other option is, he will say he was scared and that he wants to be together but perhaps slow things down. I was so happy before this & now I’m thinking, can I be with someone who blindsides me and doesn’t speak to me for a week during a hard or stressful time in his life? I need a partner who will communicate and work through things with me versus distancing themselves completely. What do you think he’s thinking?

Chris Seiter

February 4, 2019 at 4:02 am

HI Christine!

Its best not to crowd a guy when they get this way. Sometimes they get confused or fearful of the future and over process things. Later he may realize how insensitive he is acting toward you and I know it hurts, but giving him space sometimes is the best medicine. Take a look at my Program and how you should go forward making use of the No Contact principle and all the pieces that make up this approach.

Jen

January 30, 2019 at 12:11 am

I was with my ex on and off for four years. We broke up and got back together numerous times and I was his first everything. Our last talk he said he needed space cause we were arguing and I understand and I’m not speaking with him cause he requested space.
He also told me he loves me and misses me and I’m scared to reach out and wanted to do 21 day NC. Are my chances good he’ll come back? He normally does but what if this time is different? And I’m determined to work on our issues.

Chris Seiter

January 31, 2019 at 1:36 am

Hi Jen….so long as you are guided by a sensible ex recovery strategy and doing all the things I teach in my Program, you amplify your chances.

Sarah M.

January 28, 2019 at 6:40 am

Hello Chris! My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. I am doing the no contact rule currently but I have a feeling it might not work because before we broke up, I begged him not to break up with me. Does he feel like he can come back whenever he wants to because he thinks I will take him back instantly? And he said some pretty mean things pre-breakup.

Chris Seiter

January 28, 2019 at 11:37 pm

Hi Sarah…give NC a chance and remember, a big part of it is taking care of your personal needs for healing, recovery, and growth. If he said mean things, then certainly do not be in any rush to take him back. He has much to learn about how to properly treat a woman.

Ella

January 27, 2019 at 6:37 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex has had a new girlfriend for a few months -one that he seemed to have gotten quite quickly after I ended things with him and he blocked me. He even stopped replying to me a couple months after when I reached out. I thought this time he was really done with me but I’ve noticed that recently he was snooping on my Instagram stories..he also never posts his new girlfriend on his stories but she does maybe once a week.. I find that very odd. (Yes it’s hard for me not to look sometimes ) I have a feeling he doesn’t want me or anyone finding out just in case things don’t work out between them.

Do men do this just out of curiosity? Why would somebody keep looking at an ex’s page if they have a girlfriend? It’s been almost 5 months (excluding that time a few months ago I tried reaching out) that we have not spoken on perfect terms.

Thank you!

Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 9:41 pm

Its hard for guys to let go of all their thoughts about you and so that will stalk your social media to see what you are up to. Maybe he is trying to figure out what he wants. As to whether he has a gf…its possible…not sure. Having a gf probably wouldn’t stop him checking up on you.

Ria

January 26, 2019 at 7:05 am

My ex and I broke up last week. He returned from a vacation and went straight to working. I felt things were off and he kept reassuring me nothing was wrong. The day we broke up i had called him and he had told me he would call back because he was on work calls… 5 hours later I stumble across a video of him at a brunch. So i confronted him about it and told him to pack my belongings. It’s been almost a week and he keeps giving me excuses as to why he can’t give me my things. He’s hot and cold when we speak, gets angry at times then “doesn’t remember” saying things. He doesn’t seem to care that we broke up or take responsibility for his actions or how they made me feel. I’m not even sure how to act when I pick up my things or even when I should. I worry the no contact won’t work since we’ve already spoken and been in contact. Any advice?

Chris Seiter

January 27, 2019 at 3:10 am

Hi Ria…so he may be having some misgivings. So just taking things slow with limited contact for awhile and see if some of the strain and stress can settle back.

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75 thoughts on “How To Get A Guy Back That Pushed You Away”