How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

Shelly

January 10, 2016 at 6:35 pm

Chris I really need your help me and my ex boyfriend recently hooked up we have only been broken up for a month . He told me he still loves me and misses me but now he is not speaking to me again won’t awnser any of my texts . What do I do

Lisa

May 24, 2016 at 4:23 am

I’m actually in this same situation….We dated very intensley for about 3 months….talked of marriage and being the one and such. Then we broke up due to baby momma drama…then after a week he came back telling me how much of a mistake it was to leave me, blah blah blah. We were together that time about 3 weeks. We broke up again, this time it was 2 full weeks of no contact. I blocked him, didn’t call, didn’t text, nothing. The FIRST time he texted me we got into a huge argument and wound up talking until about 330 in the morning. We got together when I got back in town (I was on vacation), we spent the night together at a hotel, obvi had sex, it was all very romantic. We talked for a few more days but had a couple of arguments during this time and then a girl friend of mine told me to be careful because she had seen him on a dating website…he told me he wasn’t seeing or talking to anyone during the 2 weeks we weren’t talking, so I’m confused….well, I called him out on what she told me, but he NEVER RESPONDED. That’s been over 48 hours ago and I haven’t heard a peep from him at all and I’m pretty sure he blocked my phone calls…..please help. What should I do?
Jennifer Seiter

May 27, 2016 at 3:29 am

It sounds like you moved to quickly. The key after no contact is to take things very slow. Basically fall in love again. I know its hard because it’s so familiar and you just want things to go back to the way they were instantly (when they were good) but it just doesn’t work that way.

I think the main issue here is the arguing (and moving to quickly.) You have to treat this as an entirely new relationship. Avoid confrontation at all costs. Since you slept with him, finding out that he was on a dating website will be more emotionally impactful vs. if you didn’t sleep with him. If you didn’t sleep with him you may have been able to keep your cool more. You have to play hard to get. Going forward do no contact for 2 weeks and then try again. This time treat him like a friend. Do the push/pull like Chris talks about in this post. https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-boyfriend-back-with-reverse-psychology/
EBR Team Member: Amor

January 16, 2016 at 11:51 am

Hi Shelly,

How long has it been since you last talked to him?

Caddie

December 28, 2015 at 3:38 pm

Hey Chris,

I recently came across this post on your website… and I need to do something. Me and my ex boyfriend broke up a month ago (we were dating for 3.5 years) and life has not been easy. I made mistakes of being clingy so I went into NC immediately. I even stayed away on his birthday. But he texted me on his birthday saying, “Merry Christmas Eve”. By this time it was day 27 of NC. So I waited 2 hours and texted him back “Thanks, happy birthday. Hope it was good”. He continued the convo and eventually asked me to meet up with him. So we scheduled to meet the next day. But that night we texted about past memories and he even admitted to missing me. The next day- we met- and it was like our first date. We were flirting and we both seemed happy. Near the end he grabbed my hand and I turned to kiss him… then you guessed it- Slept with him right after.
After the fireworks he started saying, “What are we doing? What are you thinking?” and I had no words. He explained that he didn’t want a commitment and we can’t leap back into a relationship. He said something that made me almost tear up, “I don’t want to get your hopes up”.
But he said he didn’t regret it and he felt what I was feeling too.
So, we texted a little 2 days after having sex. Then this morning I texted him and no response. He told me before he left that he wanted to get back together after the new year to catch up. So, I am going to take your advice and dangle sex in front of him. Basically flirt with him and not do what I did before. Sex was amazing when we were together and was such a RUSH! It got me back addicted to it… and I’m wondering if he feels the same. I hate how I have to step back into the NC zone… but it’s for my own benefit, right? I made a mistake but now I think I know how to recover thanks to you. Reading this helped… what do you think about the situation?
Q

December 16, 2015 at 7:53 am

Hey Chris, I have a quick question. So I wrote my story on here before, but basically we were in nc for about 10 months and recently started talking alot, went really well up until he asked me to be friends with benefits and tried to kiss me but I refused. Now its been 2 weeks of nc. I am planning on texting him again in a day, but I don’t know how to start it. Have any ideas? And my main question was if I refused to be in FWB situation with him (he seemed mad and upset when I told him so thats why I went into nc) but anyways, I did refuse, would he put me in the friends zone thinking that I don’t want to have sex with him? If you could please reply to this, that would be great! Thanks:)
l

December 16, 2015 at 7:47 am

hi
Olivia

December 15, 2015 at 5:38 am

Hi Chris! I’ve been readin your articles but I’m not too sure got to put your advice into my situation. My ex (well we didn’t crisply get to date but we put so much time into it and it all just stopped as apparently his love to somebody else awakened out of no where. Since then we are kind of fwb but semester up once or maaaybe twice a month. We don’t text, just see each other while hanging out with friends. How can I put us back on a truck of getting closer and maybe at some point even dating? please advise me!
q

December 10, 2015 at 10:29 pm

hey chris, dont mean to comment so many times, but the site won’t let me view the comments on this article unless I comment and I’m not really sure why. Thanks!
k

December 6, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Hey Chris! I’ve been reading your articles for a while now and they are soo helpful! Also I really hope you reply to this. Basically my boyfriend and I reconnected after 10 months of nc back in oct. since then we have texted alot and even hung out a couple of times. However, one night he tried kissing me but i didn’t let him because i didn’t know what it meant and he later told me he wanted to be in a friends with benefits situation. I did what you told us to do, use sex ,whenever he brought it up, to get him interested and end the conversation. So that night, I refused and he seemed kind of mad even though he still denied it. Now its been over a week since we talked and Ive been in nc. What should I do, because I felt like we were so close to being something more. Will nc help and what should I do next to get him back? I really hope you reply to this, because your help would mean a lot to me! Thanks again:)

k

December 9, 2015 at 4:01 am

Thanks so much for answering Chris! The thing is I actually called him the next morning after that night’s incident and he seemed really distant and annoyed since I refused to FWB. And recently on his fb wall, I saw that he was talking to this other girl but i feel like they’re just friends and I don;t think they’re seeing each other cause she apparently lives in another country and he also mentioned that he didn’t want a relationship right now. Given this situation, do you think it will be alright for me to talk to him again? Its been 2 weeks of nc to let him cool down from what happened. Thanks again for you help! If you could answer this, that would be amazing:)
Chris Seiter

December 7, 2015 at 3:52 pm

Well, keep teasing him. There is no reason that you can’t reach out to him.

Nicole

December 2, 2015 at 5:37 pm

Hi Chris, thank you for the helpful advice you offer on this website. I have been broken up with my ex boyfriend of 4 years since September. We have been hooking up on a weekly basis but he told me about 1.5 months ago that he is not in a place to work on our relationship after I asked him what we were doing (because we had still been having sex despite being broken up). I haven’t argued with him about his decision but I haven’t gone NC either. Anyway, he went to visit his family out of state for Thanksgiving for over a week and we haven’t seen each other but texted constantly, every day that he was on this trip. I guess he was just bored? He told me that he is always thinking about me, still loves me, misses me, etc. And I do too of course. So, Sunday he asked if I would pick him up from the airport, and I did and of course we had sex that night…the whole time we hung out I felt kind of uncomfortable and awkward because of the big elephant in the room (that we are broken up!). So, I haven’t heard from him since Sunday night. I have no idea what to do at this point because I don’t think he respects me anymore. I know that I need to stop having sex with him. Should I go no contact too? Or just start with cutting off sex?
Arrie

November 25, 2015 at 11:59 pm

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months and been broken up for 2 months now
and I really do care about him a lot
I messed up because of my own insecurities , He tells me he loves me and everything, he wants me around but he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship and wants to be single and get his self together .. I’ve still been having sex with him and we act like we’re a couple , yes I know it’s bad ! I know i’ve been really needy and desperate . I have depression and anxiety that really hurt our relationship because i would make all decisions off emotions instead of thinking logically.
But it’s funny every time I tell him i’m leaving he gets angry or he doesn’t want me to go , it’s confusing because sometimes he barley calls me or wants to hangout I feel like I have to Initiate things a lot. I really wanna fix our relationship because I feel like it never really got a fair chance because a lot of things happened and I know that I let old past habits into the relationship we had, so it was always so up and down once we made it official. I’ve told him I want this to work and he still makes me happy which probably sounded needed ,, I started working on my mind, body and soul, trying to lose weight and get rid of old habits , negative thinking and becoming a better me , but I feel like I’ve done so much damage already just by doing or saying the wrong things . I need him to see me in a different light and I want to stop having sex with him so I can really detox my mind, body & soul and I feel like by me still having sex and interacting with him will set me back and I won’t see real results . My question is if I enforce the no contact rule on my journey to be better will he understand and see me in a new light ? or will he take it as I’m just full of crap , I don’t want him anymore and I’m into someone else ?

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 5:45 am

He probably wont know why your doing no contact because you haven’t really broken up right? He may think you found someone else and it may help rock the boat a little. How long were you planning on doing no contact for?

Lola

November 25, 2015 at 12:28 am

Hi Chris,
I broke up with my ex in August, we started to talk again in october and staring having sex. we used to talk everyday,text messages and see each other 2 times a week but it was only that I was getting involved but he said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and that he didn’t want a girlfriend. I stopped talking to him on saturday and he keep texting me stuff like “have a good day” “i hope your doing good”. Im not sure what I to do. Should I continue this No contact rule o should I be polite and answer some back?

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 6:32 am

Definitely do no contact strictly for 21 days at the least. If you can make it to 30 even better. You have to show him that your not accepting the friends with benefits situation but don’t tell him with words. That never works.

Michelle

November 24, 2015 at 10:30 pm

My boyfriend and I were dating for a little over 5 months. He definitely falls under the “super Committed” and “Controlling” category. We had a pretty bad fight about a month ago that lingered and led to us breaking up a little less than a week ago. The last time we had any contact was 4 days ago via text. Since then, he activated his Match profile, however, I never see him “online” It always says, “Active within an hour” or Active within 24 hours”. Since this is where we met, I believe he is checking to see if I put myself back out there. My profile is hidden right now but I am so unsure if I should unhide it? I am trying to stay strong and not contact him and so far I have stuck to it. Do you think I should activate my Match Profile? Do you think that will make matters worse once he sees me back on? Prior to these arguments, we were so happy and in love. He told me all the time, I was the one for him and I really thought he was the one for me.
Please help. Thanks.

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 6:40 am

Keep your Match profile hidden for now. I’d say do no contact for 21 days and then reach out with a text. If you get a negative or no response, do another week of NC then try again. If you get a negative response again then we can revisit putting up your Match profile.

Rhea

November 24, 2015 at 6:43 pm

Hi, I dated my ex for about 3 years. He chased me for over a year before I finally gave him a chance. We dated and argued alot but it all blew over. we broke a year and a half ago and i ignored him for 3 days and had him right back. Then we dated this past summer again and everything was good until his roommates gf and I got in a fight. He tells me he doesnt want me anymore because the negative situations from the past outweigh the positive. On friday we hooked up, and that night I saw him with another girl kissing and again on saturday. He told me he doesnt love me anymore, doesnt hate me but dislikes me and i irritate him. But before saying this, last weekend he was telling being very nice to me and even went through pics from a while back and told me i looked good. I know he cares and still loves me (i know it in my heart) but it just seems like hes not letting go of the past and trying to run away from me. Hes told me before that the only way we can move on is if we stop talking which is why im wondering if this situation is over forever or will NC actually work. hes told me we should stop talking many times as well. Please help me!!!!! PS- i am also his first gf, first love etc. and he told me we could have been permanent but too much negative things of the past makes him not wanna be with me.

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 6:49 am

Can I just say, he sounds like a jerkoff. Sorry but he does. Anyway now that I have that off my chest, yes do no contact for 21 days and use jealously to bring him back around. What does he think you did to be annoying and what was negative?

Tiffany

November 23, 2015 at 1:33 am

Chris help please!! I have been reading so much of your stuff but my situation is so complicated I have no idea what to do. Basically he left me after almost 3 year relationship lived together over 1 year of it. Talked on and off and had some of that crazy girl trying to get him back stuff and once I stopped we have been spending a lot of time together watching our favorite shows together weekly again. Only problem is I fell into FWB. He left me for a bunch of situational problems we had which are different now but also because he wants his freedom and I was that horrible clingy girlfriend. I’m trying so hard to show him I’m changing, not texting all the time and being somewhat unavailable etc as you recommended. But when we do spend time together once or twice a week and watch our shows talk hang out cuddle it’s so perfect. But we do end up sleeping together and he’s said in the past it has to be only sex but not again recently since we started watching our shows and cuddling again frequently. What do I do now if the FwB aspect of it all stops him from ever wanting to recommit? Do I have to cut everything off, even the other great parts? He even stopped watching the new ones until I catch up on the ones he saw before we were hanging out again. I don’t want to lose that time because I really think it gives me a chance to show him I’ve changed and slowly seems like it’s helping. But if he and ready gets everything he wants from me, why would he commit. So i understand. Please help me chris, I’m desperate to find the right way to make this work. He means the world to me, I’ve never felt like this after any other long term relationship. Please 🙁

Tiffany

November 27, 2015 at 12:53 am

Please help! I’m still stuck in this weird situation and don’t know the best way to get him back now.

Ange

November 22, 2015 at 9:53 pm

Hi Chris.
My situation is a little complicated. (As is everyones)
I want to purchase your complete system this week… I want to make sure I can benefit or if I should just accept its over.
My guy and I were “talking for a year and a half. He got back with his ex bit still messaged me etc. We are both from a different country (the same country) and met in the US… He went back home for a while and his girlfriend lived there. I messaged him one day and told him I loved him too much to watch him be with someone else and I wished him well… I asked for a little time and ended it with her. He asked ne to come visit in our home country to meet his mother and see how life was there as we talked quite seriously… I went… And stypidly, without commitment slept with him on the first night. So we “dated but never made it official. I stayed in his house with him which is right next to his parents house on the farm so we were all close but I could sense from day on he wasnt giving his all. I know I should not have slept with him and he knew what that meant to me… But we continued to make love and I cooked and cleaned and rubbed his back and gave it all. One day… I asked him whats going on and he said he loves me and is crazy about me but does t feel that spark and like he wants to commit… We discussed it and since I had 4 weeks left in our home country we said wed both give our all and see how it goes… 2 weeks later, after snooping, I found out he was seeing another girl. I confronted him in tears and he apoligised and said he knows he messed up and would do anything for another chance. Gave me his phone passwords etc. i did… He ended it with her and things were great for 3-4 days… I noticed he was pulling away. I asked him again and he said he loves me and is crazy about me but doesnt feel like he wants to be in a relationship. So I told him its pointless for me to stay with him… He said he didnt want me to go and maybe when he comes back to the states next year things would work… I ended it and told him the friendship had to end. I packed my bags and he sat with me and apologised and we held eachother and he asked if he could come visit me of hes in the states and I told him no. No contact, no friendship! I dont want just half of him. Well… I left and we hugged… I deleted him from facebook and whatsapp and instagram and the only message he sent me was to inform me my passport was ready. A little less than a week later I sent him an incredubly long message about how I felt used and he didnt love me and he cant give me what I want but I love him and chose hime and how if he loved me he would fight for me… Even if just our friendship. It was sweet and needy and emotional and I ended it woth pps: f@ck you! He didnt respond. I went by there 3 days later to pick up my passport and had his brother call him to come say goodbye. I told him I didnt mean the letter in a bad way… And that at times I wish I turned around and hed be there fighting for me. He said he wanted to call or message me so many times but hed hurt me so much alreay… I told him it was Bull S$it because if he wanted to call he would have! I told him in person he wasted my time and money and he said hel pay me back but we hugged again and I left. 3 days later I flew back home. He sent me a message yesterday morning asking if I made it home ok and I responded yes. He was very short in he messages and just said he hopes I enjoy the rest of my day. Later that day (about 6-8 hours) i just sent him a message saying I just want him to know I miss him, and that I hope he is happy and I wish him the best. No response.
Im broke. And crushed. We were never in a relationship but he lead me to believe things were serious. I thought wed get engaged there.
I love this man and I believe hin his heart he loves me but he doesnt feel a spark… I gave too much too soon and he had this other girl the whole time. He lead me to believe she didnt mean anything and showed me the texts after hed ended it where she told him hes a pig… But I have a feeling/intuition they are together now.
We were best friends for over a year and felt more… But he met this girl a week before I got to him… Can I fix this? I lost myself by waiting for him when he was with his ex and my life revikved around him. He was in love with me and felt that spark at some point. Do I really mean nothing to him? Can this programme help me or is it better to just accept its over? That feels impossible! But Iv waited a year and a half for him… How much longer?! I would do anything to have him fall in love with me but what if he is in love with this other girl? What if she makes him happy? What if he genuinely has completely forgotten about me and doesnt give a rats a$$???!! What do I do… I will gladly pay for coaching one on one or if we need a skype call… If I need to cut my losses! Tell me! Please! Im crushed and broken! But I need the truth!

Chris Seiter

December 3, 2015 at 6:27 am

It’s a tough situation since your in different countries now (If I read that correctly.) Read my guide the Ungettable girl.

He sounds like a player. I think you can get him back but I also think he will cheat. He will cheat on anyone he is with. It is up to you if you want that type of guy. I honestly think you can do better…

Ex Girlfriend

November 20, 2015 at 5:06 am

Chris!!! Omg please respond!! It’s urgent!!
My ex brought up sex and wants a friends with benefits relationship with me. I haven’t slept with him since we were together so fortunately for me I haven’t messed up yet. Anyway I haven’t given him an answer and he’s going CRAZY sending me a bunch of messages lol should I let him think I’m down and just seduce him and not sleep with him?
PLEASE RESPOND!

Chris Seiter

December 2, 2015 at 6:56 am

No, do not do that it will give him false hope and he will resent you. Just tell him “Hey thanks for the offer but I’m not interested in Friends with Benefits,” go into no contact for a week and then text him a really great text like a memory text. He will get the point.

Samantha

November 18, 2015 at 4:41 am

Hi Chris- I want to start by thanking you for writing all of this here, it’s really amazing and it has brought me a lot of hope.

But getting right down to it, my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me about 2 months ago and I was completely devistated. It came out of the blue and I was pretty much planning my future around the idea that we would be together forever. But when we broke up he said he still really cared about me and loved me but there were things I needed to work on that he didnt think he could handle any more (he said I didnt have goals and I was immature). But he also cited his very intense and rigorous schedule as a reason for the breakup. We both go to the same university and he is pre-med with two jobs and basically no free time. I know he is under immense stress and I am worried that he pushed me away.

After the breakup I did no contact for a little over a month. During that time he would go out drinking and get high almost every day and he was having a lot of sex with other girls. He would call me and text me at 3 and 4 in the morning (when I knew he was drunk) but I would not answer. When I finally contacted him he was kind of angry but got over it quickly and said that he definitely still wanted to be friends.

But I suppose I kind of messed up when he asked if he could come over to my apartment one night because “he was still trying to work out his feelings”. I agreed- thinking he wanted to talk about getting back together. We talked for 2 hours and he told me he really missed me. So we ended up having sex because I’m the biggest sucker in the world. Afterwards he said he was still sure about the breakup. He said it took a lot of strength for him to walk away from me and he is not sure he can committ to me or anyone else at this point in his life with all of the things he has to do between school and work and prepping for med school. I told him about all of the progress I had made (I lost 10 pounds, matured a lot, got a job, set goals for myself) but it didnt seem to affect him. He said he wanted to be friends with benefits (pretty selfish imo) and I halfheartedly agreed, worrying that I would lose him forever if I said no.

A few days later I was getting off of work super late and he asked if I wanted to come over and “cuddle” with him while he worked on some homework he had to get done. When I arrived (around 1 AM) he came and gave me a really long hug and told me it was good to see me. We eventually had sex again but I hung around afterwards and slept over and we did homework together the next morning and it was nice- like old times. But I know he still does not want to committ to anything because he, if nothing else, is a man of his word and does not go back on what he says very often.

I am really concerned because I do love him and I know he loves me even if “we cant be together” right now. I understand the gravity of all the stuff he has to do and how important it is to his future. I just feel like the timing of this is all super terrible. We are juniors and I feel like time is running out for us to start a new serious relationship before we go our separate ways after graduation. I definitely want him in my life and I care about him a great deal- more than I have cared about anyone else. I will continue to work on myself but I have already made some pretty impressive progress and he remains unmoved. I just don’t know what I can do at this point, I feel powerless and out of control.

Please help, I just really want my best friend back in my life.
Thanks for your time!
Zhane

November 16, 2015 at 9:08 am

Hi Chris, its my first time to be here in your site, and I hope you can help me in my situation right now.
My boyfriend and I had an argument 3 days back, actually its my fault. After that argument he told me to leave him alone, then I didn’t send any message or call him for 1 day. Then after that I send him normal message then he replied that I dont exist anymore in his life and asked me not to talk or bother him anymore. After that I tried to call him and want to fix our relationship , he took the phone call but he told he doesn’t want to talk to me and blocked my number. so there’s no way that i can contact him. So I decided to go in his place tomorrow and I will try to fix. Is it good idea to meet him personally? I really don’t know if its work or not. Please advice me.

Rhea

November 24, 2015 at 6:46 pm

leave him alone and let his anger blow over.

Ann

November 14, 2015 at 8:08 pm

How does NC play into this? After pulling back the sex do you also recommend NC? Should we tell them something before withholding?
Sally

November 14, 2015 at 12:32 am

My bf and I were together for three years and inbetween that we were apart for three months. He broke up with me after a fight. We were apart for a week and the we got togethet for talk and end things in a mature way. After that we kept textig each other until one day he called and asked for me to go to his place to talk. We end up having sex and he asked me to stay with him, everything seemed to be fine again, exept that he didn’t talked to me again. So two days later (this was yesterday) I went to see him to his work (we used to do this because my college is only two blocks away). He seemed fine but then I asked him for the other day and he told me that he doesn´t feel the same for me anymore, I started to cry and he went pretty angry and walked away from me, told me to stop chasing him and even blocked me in FB…
Maddy

November 13, 2015 at 4:26 am

Hi chris, kinda different situation and i really need your help. my boyfriend of a year and a half (He waited on me to want to be in a relationship for 2 years before that) just broke up with me a few days ago because he said he loves me but just isn’t IN LOVE with me. He said i was perfect and it was nothing i did but that he just doesn’t see the future he once saw with me and he wants to focus on himself and he can’t be with someone he isn’t in love with. He said I’m the girl you marry and have kids with and he just isn’t ready for that (We’re only 20). We live an hour and a half apart and have been doing a long distance relationship for almost 9 months. I don’t know whats going on with him but basically after a week of thinking its ruined over 3 years, and I’m hoping its a phase and told him id stick through it and wait. We see each other every thursday and he agreed to still see me next thursday. I want to be FWB and remind him of how amazing the sex can be so he doesn’t find sex elsewhere but i from what i read i don’t want him to want me less…..Please help

Maddy

November 13, 2015 at 4:40 am

and just a little more background, we’ve literally been best friends for 3 years. He’s crazy close with my family and even still had dinner with us last night (it was really awkward and different). He spent today at my parents house helping them move because he had promised my mom his help last week and they all say his energy is just different. He said theres no one else and he doesn’t know why he feels this way but he just doesn’t want a relationship. But he also says that theres a chance for everything when i ask him if he’ll change his mind. Is there a possibility this is just a phase or is he gone for good?

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554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”