How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

KR

April 26, 2020 at 11:34 pm

I just had sex with my ex, and things got a bit wierd and I got emotional in the end. I haven’t heard from him in a week should I text him to meet up to do something casual so we can talk or wait till he texts me to talk about it? I thought that I could do the friends with benefits thing but I still want him back so I don’t want him to think I’m easy now. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 29, 2020 at 9:13 pm

Hi KR so I would definitely not sleep with him again while broken up or you will end up in a confused friend with benefits situation. I would suggest that you reach out to him with a text that is suggested in the articles to get you talking and start re building connection so that you can work up the value chain

Lucia

February 23, 2020 at 10:17 am

Hi EBR
So the situation is that my ex was back for some time after the initial break up and NC for 2 months, we had dates, long walks and chemistry..we didn’t argue – I am very chilled in comparison to how I have been. Really expensive behaviour, proud of myself of not slipping into blame and arguments.
Then we have a really really good date, he opened up a lot to me emotionally, for example about his fears… which is not typical for him to talk about. He shared something I don’t think he shared with anyone.
Next day we kissed goodbye before work and he followed up texting me compliments I responded, everything seemed to be going well.
Since then I never heard anything from him. It’s just crazy-how someone can be that affectionate and then disappears (3 weeks now).
No explanation nothing – just gone.
But thanks to your website I am working to become an ungettable girl, so I did not follow up. I believe if someone wants they will find the time…
I know my value.
But it still hurts me how he behaved.
Any piece of advice? Thank you, EBR

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 26, 2020 at 10:43 pm

Hi Lucia, so as your ex has not reached out for 3 weeks even though things seemed naturally good. I would post a photo that could hint you went on a date and then see how long it takes for your ex to reach out and if he does I would take your time before replying. REALLY take your time. And as for working the Ungettable girl, there is now a workbook that is available on amazon along with the book if you are interested 🙂

Rachel

February 4, 2020 at 6:02 am

Hi, this is a great read but I have a question. My ex and I are in a long distance and I have tried no contact only for him to not be able to go 4days without. Long story short but he bought me a flight to spend a few days with him. I already mentioned a few weeks back that the next time we have sex it has to mean something and I won’t be giving my body to him Or any man unless they are my boyfriend. What do I do now that I’m supposed to be seeing him in a few days and staying with him? Do I have the talk before or when he tries to have sex with me (which he will)? Thanks

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 6, 2020 at 7:35 pm

Hi Rachel so the point of no contact is that you do not reply to him. It doesnt matter what he says (unless he tells you he wants to get back together) you do not reply no matter what. So you going to see him, knowing he wants to have sex with you is a bad idea…. You need to either go and make sure you do not give in to having sex with him or any intimacy. Or do not go. You need to complete a real 30 day no contact if you want your ex to get you back. Right now he is trying to have a friends with benefits situation right now

B

February 3, 2020 at 1:30 pm

My ex and I have been talking again for 3 months. I did think things were going somewhere as we had talked about the future… and he’d expressed that he wanted to be with me. Fast forward to now, he’s made no move to commit to me. The other night, he said something about the fact that I was still single… and I realized that we hadn’t been going anywhere after all. While we hadn’t actually had sex in person yet, we have exchanged numerous pictures, texts, etc. of that nature. I decided to cut them off and told him I was no longer interested in doing those things casually and without meaning attached to the situation. That I wanted a dynamic with someone that was going somewhere. He never replied. That was 3 days ago. While I didn’t plan on cutting off all contact, I have disengaged a bit. Should I wait for him to get back in touch with me? We follow each other’s social media and he’s definitely acting out a bit from what I said.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 15, 2020 at 4:36 pm

Hey B, so with situations like yours it isn’t going to “lead somewhere” as you were happy to partake in sending the photos. Since you told him you are no longer interested in that and want something serious. You need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. So do not reach out to him and try to have a conversation as him not responding to your message shows he was not wanting to get into a serious situation right now. So I would use social media to show that you are going out on dates and socialising around other men to make him realise that you are willing to move on to find what you are looking for

Esther Karimi

January 11, 2020 at 11:38 am

Dr Chris. You happen to share the same name with my ex. I was in a situationship with him for 3 years. At the end of 2018, I cut off all contact with him. I happened to text him back 2 weeks ago when I was lonely. We met up yesterday had some drinks and I found myself sleeping with him again. After the sex, I told him I would no lomger sleep with him since my feelings for him are coming back and he doesnt want a commitment but we could remain friends. What surprised me was that when I met him he tagged along his friends yet we hadn’t seen each other in a year. I slept with him then went home. What also hurt me was the fact that he didn’t call or text to ask if I reached home safely . He also cropped out a photo we had taken with him and his friends and left the one that I wasn’t in. I feel so down, I honestly dont know what to do
Ari

December 22, 2019 at 7:58 pm

Hey Chris i REALLY need help! So i was dating my ex for 6 months and it has been 6 months since the break up. I decided to break up with him and after my decision i begged to take me back and he said no. I went completely no contact for 3 months . We didn’t speak all summer and i saw him a couple of times. Around September he texted me to see how i am doing if i take care of myself and if i need something he is there for me, somehow we started talking again and as time went by we were texting every day, he always initiates first the conversation and calls me things like love, baby, sweet etc. he was flirting with me and when we talked on campus he kissed me. When I asked him why he said he missed me and he thought i was sad so why not. I thought he wanted me again and when i talked to him about the relationship he said he doesn’t want one because the first time we tried it didn’t end well, and we don’t want the same things and he is not looking for a relationship right now. The thing is that he has said he loves me 5 times and cares about me, he finds me attractive and likes the fact i am so insistent but he doesn’t love me as his girlfriend anymore. We are in a FWB situation (we just make out). But i want him to commit. I was his first and only commited relationship. I think he is afraid to commit now. We haven’t been to an actual date yet and we meet each other in campus. He says he has usually time but i see him doing all these things with his friends. He really keeps us low-key. He is a nice guy and when we were together he was fully in love with me. I think he is using me now and he somehow he admitted it and said is not a bad thing i am afraid he have taken me for granted. When i told him i don’t like the fact that we never go out he playfully says but we are not tougher right? I don’t know what to do! What is your suggestion?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 23, 2019 at 7:20 pm

Hi Ari, so I would suggest that you tell him you do not want to fool around etc any more that you want to be official as you want a boyfriend not a friend. If he is not willing to give you that then you need to stop making out with him and look like you are moving on starting with a no contact. IF you are not sleeping with him, is he dating other people? I would suggest dating casually to show that you are actively looking for someone to be with in a relationship.

Leila

November 24, 2019 at 6:15 am

Thanks Shaunna.
I already decided not to sleep with him. My question is about how to do that.. we usually speak very straightforward to each other, and don’t play games. Should I tell him that sleeping with him was not a good idea, and I will not do that again.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 24, 2019 at 6:19 pm

Hi Leila, so if he is going to come to you for sex again, wait until it is at the point where you know thats what he wants and explain that you are not willing ot sleep with him again out of a relationship because you dont want to be in that situation with someone.

Leila

November 23, 2019 at 9:10 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for the great article. Here is my situation: we broke up 4 months ago, I did NC for about 2 months, I initiated contact afterwards. I always receive positive answers, but he very rarely initiates contact. Today we slept together. After reading your article I decided not to sleep with him again. My question: Do I tell him that I don’t want to have sex again, because it confuses me and I want to protect myself. Or do I act uninterested or do I make excuses? Changing the subject when it comes up would only help me for a very limited time.
Thank you very much.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 23, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Hey Leila, while you are not in a relationship do not have sex with him, you do not give him boyfriend privileges without being a boyfriend. You need to reattract him but you also need to make it clear where your boundaries are, when you sleep with an ex without commitment you are setting a line that you are willing to cross and they wont feel the need to make you their girlfriend again

Adriana

October 19, 2019 at 5:55 pm

Hi chris,
So me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 6 months now we met up about 2 months into the break up and then realized we still needed more time and took another 4 months off. We ended up meeting recently and we clipped have a great conversation had a great night one thing led to another and I didn’t leave until the next morning. Mistake I know but we have such great chemistry. We talked a bit that next day and he messaged me only once the following just to say, “hope work was good and have fun and that he was off to his kids football game” then nothing. So into the day after that and nothing. I really want to spend more time with him and you could feel it felt right when we caught up but I dont want to overwhelm or push him as I know hes a single dad 2 kids and a busy work life so I’m not reaching out after i responded to that very last text of “hope work was good…” but i want him back and to be in each others lives again and it’s hard for me not to reach out and text him but i know that maybe isnt smart. But can you please help me? I just dont know what to do from here? Text…dont text… give it time space etc what he may be feeling as it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the amazing night we had and not have the urge to be more or wanting to be more involved. Because that’s how I feel. But I’m single and he single but with kids and a crazy work life so its different. I just want to know what to do from here and maybe what he might be feeling? So I can understand.
Thank you

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 20, 2019 at 8:32 am

Hi Adriana, so if you want him back you need to not sleep with him again – not until you’re “official” anyway. I would reach out as there is no negative feelings after your interaction…

As you’ve said hes a single dad of two and works, so he probably doesn’t rest until gone 10pm (speaking from experience) by that time he may not reach out because its late. So initiate, be friendly and dont put pressure on response time – even if it takes all day to have 3/4 message exchange its still something. Building up the attraction and rapport between you is key where you DO NOT HAVE SEX just get him back emotionally first.

Nora

June 20, 2019 at 2:51 pm

Dear Chris,

Thanks for all the help you provide for us. I’m grateful. So my ex bf broke up with me almost four months ago due to GIGS. He said everything was good with me but he couldn’t stop thinking about getting to know more girls and date more before settle down. We haven’t contacted each other for a month and then I followed your program and we started going on small dates and everything was fine. I could tell he’s still attracted to me and he talked about good old times and even showed a little regret by talking about what ifs. But we slept together last week and he didn’t contact me the whole week. The sex was just okay because I couldn’t feel the emotional intimacy anymore and I felt awful after that. He just texted me that he wanted to “talk with me about whatever and whatnot.” And I’m wondering what he wants to talk about and what kind of vibe should I give off while talking to him. Should I tell him it was a big mistake? What if he asked me how I feel about him now? Should I tell him honestly I still want him back? And should I tell him I didn’t like the sex that much because of the lack of intimacy? He’s the kind of guy that asks lots of questions so I’m freaking out a bit. Thanks for your help!

Chris Seiter

June 20, 2019 at 10:07 pm

Don’t freak out Nora. It going to be OK. Just be calm and kind and honest. If he is not receptive to your replies or overwhelms you with too many questions or emotions, then just tell him you are feeling upset inside and need some alone time, ending the conversation. I would recommend you pick up my Program, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle” to help your through this whole process.

Sarah

June 17, 2019 at 1:47 pm

Hi I would like to know how often this leads to success? Or does the guy just get bored and look somewhere else? What percentage of success am I looking at here ? Thanks

Chris Seiter

June 17, 2019 at 3:12 pm

Hi Sarah..great question. I did a study on this – actually wrote an article on the site – and of course the success of an average ex recovery plan is predicated on many factors but if you are looking for an average we are talking about 55%, more or less. I would like to think that my Program increases those probabilities.

Kacey

June 9, 2019 at 11:15 pm

Hi Chris,

I followed your no contact period (for 1 month) and I ended up going on a major trip to a developing country. When I got back, no contact was over and I reached out to him. I had got him a small present from my trip and he agreed to meet. I made a mistake and slept with him. The thing is that he had blocked me before the no contact period. But when I called him today I called from my new phone, so I got through. Anyway, he told me today it was more painful to block me because I didn’t respect past boundaries, than it was for me being blocked. I told him I will listen to his boundaries now and then we slept together but I’m not sure what to do now. He said he thinks things were too broken but said “we’ll see” about things. But that he doesn’t know what he needs from me and doesn’t know if he can ever trust me again (I cheated on him a long time ago.) But yet we ended with that he finally felt relaxed and happy again with me today. What’s the next best step?
Sarah

June 8, 2019 at 2:09 pm

Hi after a month of NC my ex contacted me first and we went for a walk.We have been here twice before and we ended up having sex.The last 2 times this has started us being on again and all good,we have been together for 6 years.This time he then didn’t contact me for 5 days ..no WhatsApp msg at all …which is not like him at all.So today I have followed your advice of engaging with sex talk then saying I had to go out and ending the conversation. What I’m wondering is how do you continue doing this but making clear I’m not interested in being used for sex? Advice pls
Effie

May 20, 2019 at 3:47 am

Hi! I had a relationship with a guy and I got pregnant. He didnt want the baby but now he wants to spend time with his son and I let him do that. After the baby was born he got back in our lives but with me it was only physical, although I had strong feelings about him. He also decided last summer that he doesnt want a physical relationship with me. So far so good. We are 40 years old. A week ago he asked me out to talk about baby stuff… and we ended in my bed. He also memtioned that he wanted sex and that it didnt mean anything else. Once again I felt lonely and manipulated. I said nothing to him. One week later he calls me to have sex again. But I said no. Because for me its all or nothing. I dont want to have a sexual relationship that leads nowhere. I want a family for my kid too. Next time he asks me for physical connexion I ll make it clear to him. I dont want to get back to past situation that hurt my feelings. I have emotional needs too and I want a stable relationship with commitment. And as long as he decided that he wants to be dad with benefits I cannot deal with that. I want it all…or he can only be a father to his son. Whats your opinion?

Chris Seiter

May 20, 2019 at 2:52 pm

Hi Effie…so yes, you should stick to your guns. You deserve everything that comes with a fully committed relationship. If he does’t eventually come around to being that man for you, then there are other paths…other options.

Ro

May 7, 2019 at 4:57 pm

Hi Chris,
Thanks for writing this article it really helped put some things into perspective for me.
My ex of 6yrs broke up with me about 8months ago. It was amicable, and looking back, needed. Two weeks after we broke up we both adopted no contact and did not speak to or see each other, AT ALL. Very recently the communication chain opened up a little and I ended up going over to his place. We talked for 3hrs about life and what we have been doing and where we were in the break up process. I have processed and dealt with my feelings a lot more than he has and would say that I’m in a much better place than him, even though I was broken up with. He’s extremely avoidant when it comes to emotional growth and dealing with his feelings.
It was a good and productive conversation but at the end of it we hooked up. I believe it was more of a physical encounter than an emotional one as neither of us have seen anyone else during this time. But he mentioned being nervous about this regressing the progress we both have made.
Not too much was said afterwards as someone came to his house and I left pretty quickly, but later that night he texted me and said “After some consideration today was good. I think?”.
I know for me, it actually helped me realized that I’m a lot farther along in the moving on process than I thought; but I worry that it may have effected him more than he’s willing to admit.
We didn’t really establish where to go from here so now I feel like we’re back in this no-contact limbo which I really don’t like. I don’t think we should sleep together again, or even get back together, but I do still care about him and wish we could actually have a friendship.

Would you advise that I give him space and don’t reach out again until he contacts me, or should I sit him down and explain that, that was a one time thing and I’d rather us just try to be friends and move on?

Thanks for your help!

Chris Seiter

May 7, 2019 at 7:55 pm

Hi Ro….I am glad the article helped open your eyes to some things. I do think give him space can be beneficial for you both as your thoughts around this topic will likely crystallize in the future with greater perspective.

Shelley Anne

April 24, 2019 at 5:55 am

Hi Chris,

My question is…does this all still apply if I’m the one who broke up with HIM? I broke up with him, did the no contact and then we slept together. Now, he texts me a lot about coming over.

Thanks!

Shelley

Chris Seiter

April 25, 2019 at 12:30 am

So things can get a bit confusing when the breakup period gets mixed in with sleeping with your ex. But that is not rare at all. So just think in terms of little steps. Try to build positive experiences with each other, not just the sex part of course.

Lily

April 17, 2019 at 2:40 am

Hi Chris,
Good thing I found your article and have the chance to share my situation hope you don’t mind giving me some advice then.
The thing is this article is some kinda similar to my situation the difference is that my ex who is now my friend with benefits and we are sexually active when he’s in my place. Is that he have a girl (chat mate to be exact) so they haven’t met yet. That’s why we keep seeing each other for the time being. It makes me jealous and angry as when he’s not up to sex he wouldn’t contact me, and I keep on messaging him which he obviously ignore all the time. He said he have plans of having a serious relationship with someone (that hurt, yeah i know).
Reading your advice makes me wonder if this could be effective of letting stop the sex and later on he will chase me.

Thank you.

Chris Seiter

April 17, 2019 at 2:07 pm

Hi Lily…I hope the article helped! I think expressing your expectations for the future and what you would like to see in the relationship may be best now and that may mean going thru a period of No Contact if he is not ready to work towards that.

Mille

February 3, 2019 at 4:37 pm

Hi Chris. I’ve been in the most complicated relationship, literally. My ex bf happens to be the father of my 11 y/o son. We have been through worst since he had chose to have a relationship with someone else and chose not be with me either. Then the problem is this, we already talked about that we should not be in a FWB since we both are a Christian as well. And should not be living in compromise. From living together, I decided to moved out last 2017, to stop all the unnecessary things happening. APPLY NC and MC, so somehow effective but then still end to this scenario. Yet till this year we still ‘sometime’ end up having sex. In the beginning of your article you have stated that “before sex, man can’t thing straight while woman does, but after sex women can no longer think straight while man does” and that is what I literally feeling right now. Now my concern would be this, is it possible to make him desire to commit to me and him choose to fix our family? Since I am now sure he loves me (and also love his gf) thats why he keeps coming back. Advice me.

Chris Seiter

February 4, 2019 at 3:54 am

Hey MIlle!

I does sound complicated. Are you following my Program at this stage?

Liv

January 15, 2019 at 5:36 pm

Hi Chris! Big fan of your site but need a bit of advice.

I was dating my now ex for almost 7 months, and we broke up in december. His reasons for ending it was work, as he needs to work alot to sort himself out financially. (He had been pretty depressed about his financial issues for a while) I believe this to be true as he is at work pretty much 24/7. When we broke up he was upset as he deep down he didn’t want to do it, but he felt he has to, and he comforted me as I was crying etc. So he isn’t a ‘bad’ guy. He also said at the time he didn’t want to fall out with me as he would like there to be an ‘us’ once he’s sorted himself out.
Now this is where I’m confused. I’ve done NC and now we are talking. He tells me he misses me etc, we’ve had sex, but he still isn’t in a position to be with me as he doesn’t feel it’s fair on me as he would hardly see me. And I don’t know what to do. I love him but do I even stand a chance of getting him back? Is having to ‘focus on himself and work’ a valid excuse for leaving me in the first place? Do I need to stop sleeping with him and do NC again? I don’t know whether I should just give up 🙁 Just to add, we had a very good relationship, no arguing or anything.

Chris Seiter

January 15, 2019 at 11:05 pm

Hi Liv!

Thanks for visiting my website and being such a big fan! So if things have not been improving based on your past tactics, then a change of strategy is in order and NC is an option.

Maxi

January 6, 2019 at 5:16 pm

Dear Chris,
I value your work and opinion very much – and so I am writing to ask for your professional advice.
My boyfriend and I broke up in summer after 4 year-relationship. We lived together, had a cat, we were so much in love, our families knew each other well, his family loved me. But for the last 6 months we ended up fighting etc. He went for a holiday alone with his best friend leaving me at home in a bad health condition – so I told him to move out: and he did. Later on I begged and cried for him to come back, I tried very hard to make him come back to me. We haven’t spoken a lot during that time, then after two weeks of silence I initiated contact and he told me to move on. Since then we haven’t spoken to each other for 3 months, then I initiated contact. We’ve met three times so far. First meeting was just a coffee during which I tried not to cross the “friends” boundaries. Then he wrote me a message in which he showed his enthusiasm for me “moving on” (I pretended to be so, I played very optimistic, over him, very changed etc.) and he wished me the best. As I wanted to get him back though – I suggested another meeting and I took him for a romantic dinner. During that meeting we kissed and expressed a will to sleep with each other. He wanted to know that this would be only one-time thing. I first agreed, then disagreed because I wanted a commitment. As soon as he heared I wanted something more he backed out and said he wants us to be just friends. But then I agreed to sleep with him for the last time, as a “goodbye” – it was a decision I thought would make him stay. And so our last meeting was arranged just for sex. During that meeting I asked him to stay open, not to put any ideas about us down. He told me he “doesn’t know”, but he thinks it’s not the best idea to try anything together as far as for now. So we parted in the “I don’t know, let’s see what happens next” mood. He texted me the same evening saying how much he enjoyed everything we had, telling me compliments and referring to the night spent together. I ignored his suggestions and wished him goodnight in a “friend zone” style. Then the next day I texted him to clarify our mutual problem with some shopping we had when we were together, he answered, the talk was just so official. I ended it with not replying to his last text (that wasn’t even a question by the way). Since then – total silence. It’s been 3 or 4 days without contact. I am constantly crying, making an effort not to think about him. I can’t sleep or eat. I still love him more than anything and I want him back. But I already feel like I did enough. What is your advice? Is there any chance he will ever come back into my loving arms? Cheers xx

Chris Seiter

January 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm

Hi Maxi…there are things you can do to better your situation on the healing side. I wrote about a lot of them in my eBook “The No Contact Rule Book” (245 pages). Also tap into all the resources on my website. It’s best to have a plan going forward, not just for your own healing, but things you can do to improve your chances of repairing the relationship if that is to be. But first, its all about you and your recovery and I think No Contact may be the way forward for you.
Chris Seiter

January 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm

Hi Maxi…there are things you can do to better your situation on the healing side. I wrote about a lot of them in my eBook “The No Contact Rule Book” (245 pages). Also tap into all the resources on my website. It’s best to have a plan going forward, not just for your own healing, but things you can do to improve your chances of repairing the relationship if that is to be. But first, its all about you and your recovery and I think No Contact may be the way forward for you.

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554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”