How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back Permanently- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

Darcie

May 3, 2018 at 12:50 am

HI guys..
Would these rules apply to the second break up? We were together 7 months, broke up, got back together within two weeks and then broke up again.
It hasn’t really been too many break ups, so just wondering..
Thank you

Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 2:10 am

Great question Darcie. They do, but NC a bit longer this time. But if you haven’t done so, go check out my ebooks and services (website Menu/Products link) so you give yourself the best chance!
Darcie

May 3, 2018 at 12:06 pm

Thanks Chris, I’m actually saving for your pro book now after hearing such great reviews about it 🙂 Poor student life.. lol!
So around 45-60 days of no contact? 🙂
Thanks for your reply!!
Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 2:04 pm

HI Darcie…Me understand! No more than 45 days. It could be less, though it depends on lots of factors. If you are able to pick up one of my ebooks in the future, the “No Contact Rule Book” might be a good fit for you as well as it walks you through everything around that Principle and how to focus on your own self recovery.
Darcie

May 3, 2018 at 2:13 pm

Thank you Chris, that’s a great help!
Chris Seiter

May 3, 2018 at 2:29 pm

Your welcome Darcie.

Tanya

April 7, 2018 at 4:36 pm

I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years. We had a huge fight last year and broke up to which he blocked me. He winded up unblocking after two months and made contact. He asked to start fresh and that he wants to do right/better. We got into an argument last night and out of anger I told him to not call me ever again. He texted me a farewell saying that he wants me to be happy and when I tried to respond I realized that he blocked me. I don’t understand why he keeps blocking me. Any advice?

Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 7:09 pm

Without knowing the full details it’s difficult to assess this properly but it sounds like you pushed him away with telling him not to ever call you again. You will have to be the one to reach out after your no contact.

In the meantime make a list of reasons why you think you keep breaking up and going back out. Try to see what your triggers are so when you get back together you wont have a repeat breakup. Hugs!

Sarah Christine

March 30, 2018 at 5:28 pm

My message is gone? 🙁

Chris Seiter

April 3, 2018 at 2:06 am

Where did it go?

I’m responding to it.
sarah archer

April 6, 2018 at 10:37 pm

Not sure where it went, I wrote a long message though. But my ex and I broke up last July and we have been friends with benefits since, I thought it would bring him back and the feelings for me. We dated for a little over two years broke up for 2 weeks around a year and a half of dating and I used this site to get him back he contacted me saying he missed me and breaking up was a mistake, anyways we did get back together continued to date long distance eventually our long distance ended and he moved to the same city as me. We broke up a few months later since I wanted to be around him 24/7, he wanted time to himself and I wasn’t giving him that at all.In May it would have been 3 years of us being in a relationship if we weren’t broken up. Anyways I have been in the dark about how I have been feeling with him, until yesterday I told him I have feelings for him and that I like him. He dodged making any remark on that until this morning he texted me “You know that the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt you?” I replied telling him I know he cares but I don’t want to talk about things over text. If he wants to tell me how he feels he can tell me in person, which is happening sunday evening. I then plan on doing no contact from there and taking space. ESPECIALLY since he told me yesterday I would never leave him and I would always come back. I really love when we do hangout together and have been wanting more to go on dates he even told me a few months back him and I were seeing where things were going between us but would never take me to dinner. Just hangout with me. He works in East downtown doesn’t have very many friends except his one friend that lives in the Woodlands, then he has me, I live 15 minutes from him. So I feel like he will contact me because he’ll get lonely. He deleted his facebook for company reasons so I only have snapchat to post to my story. We used to snap everyday until 2 weeks ago he called me clingy. Chris do you think doing No Contact for 30 days or more I will have a chance with him? Or do you think he doesn’t see the value in me or being with me anymore, and trying for more than friends is a waste of my time? I want him to commit and I care so much for him and his family loves me I love them. Him and I hangout every week, I haven’t ever given him more than 2 weeks to miss me. I am just so afraid to lose him, we click really well with the things we have in common and our goals and personalities. I do want to see another shot with dating and a relationship with him. I don’t want to sleep with him anymore and actually want him to chase me. I need your guidance for sure.
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 1:56 am

I’m so happy to hear that Ex Boyfriend Recovery has helped you get him back in the past. You will have to work on being happy on your own. You obviously know your mistakes so yes 30 days nc is the logical choice. During your 30 days remember to do things that you enjoy and try to forget about him during that time. I know it’s painful and difficult to do but you’ve done it before. You can get through this!
sarah archer

April 7, 2018 at 7:47 pm

Yes it has worked in the past getting him back which is why I am back on this site for help! It’s really painful for sure, staying strong is about keeping busy so I already have made plans with friends for the upcoming week, and registered for my hot yoga classes. It just is cocky of him to say he knows I will never leave him and I will always come back. I hope in this case it’s the other way around he misses me and comes back. He says he doesn’t have feelings for me though. That is hard to swallow. But if he really cares time away from him will determine if he misses me and wants me in his life.
Jennifer Seiter

April 7, 2018 at 10:21 pm

Oh I love hot yoga! It will clear you mind and body of toxins.

Yes, I understand! Keep in touch and let me know how you progress. <3
sarah archer

April 9, 2018 at 11:09 pm

I just talked to him now, we met in person. He said he doesn’t know what he wants, he doesn’t mind taking me to dinner and such but doesn’t want to hurt me and felt like I was trying to rush back into what we were. I told him it wouldn’t be the same between us and it would have to be a different relationship, I told him I felt sometimes he could be a jerk and needed to work on his temper. We aren’t together but I wanted to explore that and see where things go. I told him, him being a jerk towards me can be a turn off and pushes me away. And my feelings from being hurt and frusterated with him to having feelings for him, I needed my space to reflect on my feelings and work on myself. He didn’t think taking space was necessary but I said yes this needs to happen I need this for me. I am now doing NC this is so hard already. It was so nice to finally tell him my feelings. But now comes the doubtful thoughts of him not thinking of me or not missing me. I hope I hear from him. He does mean a lot he knows that this is really hard. <3 I appreciate being able to come and keep you updated.
Chris Seiter

April 11, 2018 at 12:15 am

Yep…NC can be hard. If you have not picked up my ebook (see menu tab/products), then take a look. Excellent blueprint for how to proceed given lots of situations.

Miri

March 24, 2018 at 5:19 pm

Hi, my ex and I were together for a year and a half. We have been on and off a lot since the beginning of this year. He broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We have talked since then and he said that he cares for me but doesn’t want a relationship right now. I think he’s communicating with other females. Things are so different this time. I’m going back to NC though.
Jane Doe*

March 3, 2018 at 7:20 pm

I left a extremely long message and I came back to check it and it is gone what happened?

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 7, 2018 at 12:06 pm

Hi Jane doe,

You need to move on.. He’s the one who keeps leaving you and yet you’re the one worried that he will not speak to you again?

Jane Doe*

March 3, 2018 at 6:49 pm

Hey EBT,
I have been with this man for 3 years, we were off and on for that time.It has been only about a month or two at the most we broke up. , I have been in my own place for only 2 weeks now. We have some loose ends we are figuring out still. But It always felt as though if we finally got our stuff together we would be great. I lived with him for about 2 years, and even in that time we did the on and off as well. Things would be going amazing then I would get a text of we need to talk or I don’t think this is going to work, but we would try again. But this last time we broke up seemed more like that we wouldn’t get back together, he is someone who doesn’t seem like they can be alone, so he was already seeing someone. I don’t know how long but my guess is at least talking with her for at most a month. We fought here and there because he would go out and see her and show no remorse or respect for me to wait till I left at least. Then one night he was suppose to stay with her, he showed back up at home really early. Later that night he said they broke up, but I found out that really he felt doubt for a second and just left and she had no idea he had left. I beileved what he said, he talked how serious they were being if talking marriage and going to sign a prenup etc.. I had no idea that they were moving that quickly. I had kept hoping, so he gave me some that night and so I did a big no no and slept with him, shortly after they worked it out and have been together ever since. But because at this point we still had things to separate we had to keep contact, for the most part it was courteous espiscally after I left, I kept letting out dogs out and hanging out with his daughter. Then I became a gnat about showing him the changes i was making and proving that i was keeping them and how to to rebulid trust and honesty, in one day it went terrible bad, sad he didn’t care and for us to never talk again, and that I could never change or be honest with him. And to never see his daughter. So I decided now that I was finally moved out I could start the NC, by the next night he text I ignored, he text two more times then one night he called me basically if I I didn’t answer him, he would tell his daughter no contact completely. So I did answer and we worked out somethings that I felt were either worked out or that I can just pick up when I got the rest of my stuff. Even though he is with some one and his daughter told me he seems happy and she is nice etc.. he seems to put things off a little to stop contact with me. Or I am reading into that with hope. I have again reestablished nc until he contacts with me something else we need to tie up. Then I feel after that we will no longer talk ever, I have been letting go, not giving up but letting go to concentrate on myself and building myself up. I am afraid he will never talk to me and see this amazing person I am and becoming and I am scared he is that serious with her and lost my chance to show him this person he had always thought I was. Sadly I didn’t see what he did till about 2 months ago, it was before the breakup I was starting this building of me, now I am continuing on my own it because it was already in affect with him. Once everything is tied up I am afraid it’s all over and the nc will make it more serious with her. Yes, this will give me the tools to move on healthy, I will if I must but I really want to share this amazing life with him. He enhances my life when it is aligned and he seems to feel the same or rather acts that way. Please please help, do I have any chance at all? I will keep my focus on me but I would like some thought he and I might work out.
Nicola

March 3, 2018 at 12:58 pm

Hi,

He’s just talking to her but I have a feeling he’s seeing a girl or 2 at uni and talking to some people from home he’s constantly on social media liking all the girls pictures I just don’t know what to do to win him back he seems pretty happy with his new freedom and untill the end of march when he comes home i won’t have a chance to see him either so I’m abit stuck he’s really stubborn so he’s very unlikely to give in a talk to me either

Thank you 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 5, 2018 at 2:14 pm

It’s looking like he’s not serious with you because he keeps talking to other girls.. Well, you’re
young, so that could be because he’s immature but you’re investing too much on somebody that doesnt.. If you really want to try it with him, let him work for your trust before investing too much in him otherwise, move on..

Nicola

March 1, 2018 at 8:40 pm

Hi,
He’s just talking to her or someone else I think but if it is the summer girl she’s in our home town with me and he’s at uni other side of country it’s unlikely they will meet before she goes to uni end of the month and even if he meets someone at uni it’s unlikely to last as he’s back for Easter soon and then finishes uni just unsure what to do now have although I have started to do no contact since Monday but worried its done for good now
Nicola

March 1, 2018 at 12:40 pm

Hi I’m 20 years old and have been with my ex since I was 14 his in his last year of uni 2 and a half hours away so we’re doing long distance every year at uni the relationship is fine he comes back regularly and I go up regularly we have a few tiffs and bits in between usually down no lack of effort or me doing his head in when he’s busy and stuff. So basically at summer he gets this summer job where he met this girl in 2016 while working there after 3 days of meeting her he ended it very bitter he blocked me off everything and we didn’t talk for a month he got in contact and we made up just before he went back uni again for second year. Second year same again fine few tiffs and stuff but we made it soon as he goes back to his summer job same again he leaves me and goes back to her it’s just something new & fun she’s horrible to him & controlling, my ex isn’t the only guy she doing it with she regularly meets other guys etc. So again we got back together just before he went back to uni it was never really a full spilt we met up regularly & acted like a couple only he was seeing her as well. Again fine until October where I found a used make up wipe in his draws & accused him of cheating among other little things it to me added up he was cheating he was angry and said he hadn’t, girls lived in the flat the year before which was true and in fairness the draw was never used so I believed him the flat was disgusting so I wasn’t surprised they hadn’t cleaned it fully. He never let that go and said I didn’t trust him which now I didn’t really there was no hard core evidence he’d cheated but I was on edge anyway it was fine again the Christmas came few arguments but it was fine anyway I went down valentines week to see him best week it was such fun had such a laugh it was like a new relationship so the week after brill he face timed me every night made such a effort brilliant. Then Friday of last week he said he was going bed and couldn’t FaceTime fine he sounded tired and anyway I have his location so I checked and he’s gone out clubbing I picked him up on this and he said he was at home when he wasn’t. Sunday his Snapchat score when up like mad which it never does unless this previous ‘summer girl’ was back in touch I went mad he knew how much she hurt me and he said it wasn’t anyway that night and out of no where he ended saying he wasn’t happy and other angry stuff it I’m still not 100% sure it’s this previous girl or a new girl he’s met at uni. He does crack and come back to me usually but we’ve never spilt at uni only when he’s home so this is all new on whether he will come back he’s coming home for Easter in a few weeks and the ‘summer girl’ leaves for uni mid march so they won’t see eachother. So how do I get him back and for good we want the same things in life and he says I’m the one and we get on so well but we both have lashing out tempers and are very stubborn we both speak without thinking and I fear I’ve lost him for good I’m so angry he’s ended it so suddenly this time the others I could see coming this I couldn’t I haven’t spoke him since the spilt either,thank you 🙂

EBR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2018 at 3:09 pm

Hi Nicola,
Just to be clear, he’s still with the other girl? Or talking to her?

...

February 21, 2018 at 2:29 pm

Ok I’ll do 45 days and continue working on myself .
Since the last post I realized he only uninstalled it and suspended his phone for the night probably because I was being a text gnat .
I forgot to mention he had no social media but Someone told me he created a Instagram two weeks ago I don’t have one . Should I create one ? If so should I follow him ?

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 25, 2018 at 5:12 pm

Yes, you should have public Ig and Fb accounts but don’t add him as a friend nor follow him..

Megan Marie Howard

February 20, 2018 at 1:29 pm

My ex and I just broke up again. The first time we were solidly together and this time it was after a 5-6 month period of off again on again. He said he still has feelings but feels like something is missing. And thinks maybe we’re too different to make it work in the long run and thinks it may be better to part ways now. I don’t understand how he can feel that way when our back together spells consisted mainly of talking through text and 3 one night hook ups. I know I slept with him way too soon. And won’t be making that mistake again. I understand the next step is the 45-60 day NC period, probably 60 I would guess….. Is there a good chance this will even still work for us? How do I combat his feelings that something’s missing? Should I consider the one on one coaching? Please advise!!! Thank you!!!!

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2018 at 5:59 pm

Hi Megan,

You won’t regret the one on one coaching because you would have the chance to tell Chris the whole picture.. That way he can advise you better than I would here.

...

February 17, 2018 at 6:49 pm

I messed up with my ex sooo bad ..
It all stared in oct. my ex told me he needed space but I panic and continued to contact home , some days he would be mad and tell me to leave him alone and some days he would be being his nice self ..
then nov came around and we didn’t talk for 3 weeks then the last week of November we talked and everything was fine , we basically talked all dec , and seen each other the day after Christmas , everything was fine we went on a date and got along great .. then he went cold a little after New Years , so I panicked again and began calling him and texting him everyday .. we would still reply but most of the time cold , I was definitely chasing him .. last time we talked was two days ago and he basically told me he didn’t want a relationship right now , and he didn’t want to hang out because of the way I was acting he said “why would someone want to even have you around when your acting like that “ we hung up and I made a mistake of calling him the next night , and he suspended his phone .. not changed his number but just suspended it .. he also uninstalled his WhatsApp. He didn’t block me but he uninstalled it because the messages won’t deliver . My last message I apologized for my behavior and the nasty things I said and explained that I just feel hurt and angry inside

I know I chased him and became very annoying but I just couldn’t control my emotions I just feel so hurt and angry inside

We were toghter a year and a half but have know each other almost 3 years ..
We were off and on ..

We have a bit of a age gap I’m 8 years younger then him . I think it was so hard to accept that he might be moving on because we break up and usually get back toghter ..

I don’t know what to do ? Is there any chance of getting him back ? At least on a friend level ? I’m so hurt and confused .

EBR Team Member: Amor

February 20, 2018 at 12:07 pm

Restart nc. This time do at least 45 days. Be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

Marisa

January 27, 2018 at 3:11 am

I really need some advice. This is my situation: This past September I finally had the guts to tell my boyfriend (now ex) that I cheated on him while we was away at basic training (I was drunk and only knew my boyfriend for a month before he left for 6 months of only talking through letters). This is something I deeply regret and have done everything in my power to work on with him. He says he does forgive me and trusts me, just not completely. Since I’ve told him this he broke up me at first then decided a week later he may want to try but didn’t want to get back together. This lasted two weeks then we entered 2 weeks of not talking to each other (where I attempted the NC period) and he wanted to get back together, so we did. This lasted another 2 weeks where he threatened to break up with me but didn’t and decided to date casually for a little while and we eventually got back together and it was amazing for 2 months. We got into our first fight in our new relationship where he decided he didn’t want to deal with this so he decided to break up with me again. He says he is in love with me but doesn’t want to date me and continues to say he’s in love with me. He said he thinks the bad outweighs the good, however, he only breaks up with me and says things he doesn’t mean when he gets angry then comes back when he’s not any longer. Do you think we have a chance of stopping this on and off again cycle and stay together for good? I am very confused on what to do and I know he is the one for me and I will always be in love with him. How do I get him back? Do we have a chance of making things work for good? What do I do?
N

January 23, 2018 at 7:47 am

now me and my ex have been in an on\off relationship for 4 years, we were close friends before dating for a year and a 1\2, we broke up 3 weeks ago and he has been ignoring me before the break up for about 1 month, i don’t really know the reason although he said i keep doing things he doesn’t like, anyway now am in my NC, he blocked me right after the last argument and i did an immature action and talked to one of his friends about the whole argument, he unblocked me and send me a message on fb telling me u made it much harder by telling my friends and there’s no way we’re getting back again, i didn’t respond to this as i was in my NC period and he blocked me again 2 days later for not responding xD after a week he talked to our mutual friends about how angry he is, he asked her to tell me to stay away from his life and his friends and not to try to get him back “i keep hearing these words every time we break up”, she told him she’s not making a move this time.. i used to chase him before.. and we got back together 3 times before by only my efforts “the last one lasted for about a year we pretended to be friends there” and am no more chasing this time, now what should i do? and what should i say when our mutual friends talk about him with me.. and is it normal that he’s acting so happy and talking to girls i never liked? thank u xoxo

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 24, 2018 at 12:32 pm

Hi N,

Let them talk. Focus in improving yourself instead of observing him. Be active in posting in social media too..

Sharla

January 21, 2018 at 9:21 am

Hi EBR, I am going through my second break up with my boyfriend. He broke up with me because he said he has too much weight and is tired of being in a relationship. I was too emotional during fights and arguements and scared him away. Now I really can show him that I know how to handle my emotions, but the problem is that he just doesn’t want to be in a relationship even though he says he loves me. Please help me, I really want him back..

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 21, 2018 at 3:43 pm

Hi Sharla,

When was that and are you in nc now?

Abby

January 9, 2018 at 5:15 am

Hello,

I’ve been in an on again off again kind of relationship for 3 years. Now we are in off phase and I’m kind of hopeless here because I broke the first month of NC a couple of times (he contacted me because of Christmas and later to grewt me to New Year) and I even asked him out. But he didn’t even bothered himself to go out with me. So I said to myself I’ll start over again with NC. I am currently at 9th day of NC but my question is: When you all talk about how is he going to contact me and I should ignore him what if he won’t contact me during the NC,should I get out of his way? I know it’s too early to say he won’t text me or something, but based on our past this is the whole first time I’m doing the NC on him but see no results. Maybe he’s just not into me… I am super excited about this website and all your help, I’m just being a bit hopeless here. So what should I do? Please..

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 10, 2018 at 8:45 pm

HI Abby,

if you he doesn’t contact you during nc, that’s ok.. You can initiate after it..

Jackie Santos

January 7, 2018 at 6:20 pm

Hello,
Me and my ex broke up a week ago. He broke up with me. This would be the 10th break up we’ve had. My ex’s grandpa passed away last week and he went out to Florida to go and see him. I was really busy at work so I didn’t really have the chance to text him and be there for him. However, I did have special plans for him for when he got back from Florida on January 10th. Instead, he ended up telling me off that I wasn’t there for him. I told him I was really busy at work but I’ll call him afterwards. He ended up ignoring me for the rest of the day and we got into a huge argument. During that argument, he said I did nothing but put him through the worst depression he’s ever gone through. I got really pissed off and told him to go talk to his ex girlfriends or another girl to tell him what he wants to hear. After that, he ended up breaking up with me. I ended up texting him like a text gnat and begging for him to be with me again. I told him I would change and I would take him out after Florida. He ignored everything and said it couldn’t work because he didn’t feel the same anymore and he’s going through a lot and I’m only toxic to his current situation. After he said that, he blocked me on everything and never responded to any of my messages. He is now pursuing new women and posts pictures of him on Facebook with his family and friends more than ever before. He seems really happy without me. I pushed him away so badly and there is now another woman probably doing what I couldn’t do. What should I do to get him back and stop the cycle completely? I don’t want to lose him. Thank you. I am on No Contact Day 4 and I have heard nothing from him.

EBR Team Member: Amor

January 9, 2018 at 9:36 pm

Hi Jackie,

Are you willing to do at least 45-60 days nc? and to follow the game plan above?

Emily emily

December 27, 2017 at 4:32 pm

My ex boyfriend isn’t ready for a relationship even though he doesn’t want to let go of me.We’ve been dating for 6 months and then he told me he isn’t ready for commitment.But we still meet and he seems in love with me and still telling me he isn’t ready for anything.He s never been with another girl since we split up.i don’t really understand his issue.

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 28, 2017 at 6:10 pm

HI Emily,

check this one:
Making An Ex Commit When He Doesn’t Want To

A

December 26, 2017 at 7:29 am

Hi EBR team,
What about breaking up once then started seeing each other again but not in a relationship and then stopped seeing each other???? I’m on day 26th of the NC, he mentioned he’d rather not see me or talk to me until his feelings have cooled off （why??）and we could have a conversation before I started the NC, what is he supposed to mean? Is he going to see me or not? I was planning to text him on New Year’s Eve, can I do that or prolong the NC? Any advice would be so helpful,thanks!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 2:26 am

Hi,

Were you sleeping with him?

Alison

December 26, 2017 at 4:42 am

Hi EBR team,
I left a similar comment on another post…My ex and I stopped seeing each other in November (we broke up once in May and started seeing each other without in a relationship), I’m on day 26th of NC cause he didn’t reply to my last message, before the NC, he said he needs to be firm this time and would rather not talk to me or see me until his feelings have calmed down or at least we could have a conversation, also wants us not to be involved romantically, I’m worried if time is up he still won’t talk to me, he hasn’t reply to my message yet (my message was “which means you won’t talk to me until you totally move on?” he said he is going to move on before I sent that message) just so confused, what is he supposed to mean by saying those words? Should I move on too?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 27, 2017 at 2:26 am

Hi,

Were you sleeping with him?

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