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693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

  1. Samantha

    January 8, 2017 at 10:27 pm

    Hey!

    So my ex and I have been on and off for about 4 years now. We broke up again because he said that our relationship was broken. I told him I thought this was the wrong thing to do because knowing us, we’d get back together again. At this point, I sort of begged him to be with me, so knowing this was wrong because I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, I decided to go no contact. I am now on the 54th day of no contact (I decided to do a long no contact as suggested). During no contact, he contacted me a few times, but I never answered. Now I heard that he’s been seeing a girl. It’s actually a girl from his past. I am so upset and don’t know what to think or do.

    1. Samantha

      January 9, 2017 at 10:54 pm

      Yes, I have been active in improving myself and I have posted pictures on social media. We aren’t friends on social media, but I know he has looked at my profile because he mentioned me “hanging” out with a male friend who has commented on one of my photographs since the break up (he made this assumption based on the photo obviously). Also, the texts he has sent me have been late night so I’m assuming they are booty calls. This makes me upset and I don’t want him to look at me like this. What should I do?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2017 at 7:00 pm

      the more you dont respond to those kind of texts, the more he will think less of trying a booty call.. And I know it’s redundant, but the posts really help especially if he checks them. If he sees you are doing activities by yourself too, he might think you’re more independent and start to see you in a different light

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 11:24 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      she’s probably a rebound.. how much have you improved? are you active in posting in social media?

  2. Lauren

    January 7, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Me and my ex were on and off for 9 months. We’d get back together after a few weeks every time. This time seems final as it’s been two months. I’ve messaged him and snap chatted him a few times but have received no response from him. He looks at all my snapchats and Instagram stories, like, every single one. Which makes it confusing. Surely if he had moved on and wanted to continue to move on he wouldn’t bother looking.

    1. Lauren

      March 3, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Amor,

      I hope you don’t mind me messaging again but I just wanted to update you on my situation. I messaged my ex today for the first time in over a month and I got a very positive response….

      I messaged him because I tried this Greek cheese and I asked him why he never enlightened me to it and he replied with “Never was a big fan of greek cheese ” which is a big step from the last time he replied to me telling me he moved on and the winky face is very positive! I responded to that with “yeah but you’re a weirdo who likes cheddar ha” he didn’t reply to that so how long should I leave it before I reach out again? Is a week long enough?

      I don’t think the girl he’s dating is in the picture anymore either, from what I’ve gathered from social media.

      Thank you so much for all your advice!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 5:20 pm

      Just maybe 2 or 3 days..

    3. Lauren

      January 31, 2017 at 8:31 am

      I know my worth, I know I’m better and I look and feel it. A lot of other guys I have on snapchat have told me. One last question? Is it possible to get him back a third time especially when this time round the break is much longer (2 months, nearly 3) and he is dating someone else? (Who he began dating 3 weeks after are break up) I just think his curiosity and being one of the first to look at everything I do means there’s still a little something there

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 4:08 pm

      It’s a lot lesser but his actions are indeed a good sign.
      but realistically of course its hard to just leave a current relationship for something you already left..that’s why he has to be really attracted to you to try again

    5. Lauren

      January 25, 2017 at 5:42 pm

      Thanks Amor,

      I really hope it works! I’m scared he won’t come back this time and that this girl might not be a rebound as they are both Greek and I’m English so there is always going to be a language barrier. I guess it’s positive he’s looking at everything I’m doing and I’ve got to leave it to see what happens and hope this girl is a rebound!

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 26, 2017 at 12:07 pm

      you’re welcome! whatever happens, just remember that you have to put self respect first..

    7. Lauren

      January 24, 2017 at 12:04 am

      I never mentioned but no one Snapchats him and he doesn’t snapchat anyone and when we were together he’d go on Snapchat maybe once a day but since we’ve ended and if I post more than one a day I notice he comes back on each time to see (he doesn’t watch them all at once, if that makes sense) that’s got to mean a little something?

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      Yes, you should go back in improving yourself and definitely be active in posting. 🙂

    9. Lauren

      January 24, 2017 at 12:01 am

      Thanks Amor! So for now I should stop trying to talk to him and focus on myself? He’s currently dating a girl, they started dating three weeks after we broke up, he says he’s “with” her but for him to say that I think it’s a rebound but also I know I can’t really do anything right now to change his mind. He still looks at everything I post so should I continue to post on Snapchat and Instagram stories?

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      if he’s not replying, that means he doesn’t want to talk.. checking can only mean he’s curious, but that doesn’t mean he wants you back..

  3. carolien

    December 28, 2016 at 8:10 pm

    Hey
    I’m really fascinated by your site, and finally came to the point of asking you something myself. I have been in a 3 year on/off FWB relationship. The worste of the worse, you may think (shifting between friends/ NC / FWB, but never a committed relationship), but we had a lot of fun, besides the fact that i would prefer a ‘real’ relationship. During these years (in the off periods) I seem to have done almost everything that’s here on your site (without knowing it), namely building my own life, gotten in shape, sports and new friends, even buying my own house. The last time we were ‘on’ again I told him that it was the last time, that I wanted to be his real girlfriend and if he broke it again, it would be for good. Which inevitably happened (he found that I wanted everything different too soon, I made an ultimatum about spending Christmas together, he said no, I broke the relationship, so now I ‘lost him for good’). I’m really good now, not devastated, busy, could last NC for months if I wanted to , but the thing is, in all this time (I’ve been dating others too, in between), I came to believe that we did learn a lot from each other, grew as persons and that we have a really special connection. We never fight, have great sex, a lot of fun, a bunch of mutual friends.. he just can’t commit. Can I come back on my ‘final words’ one more time, do NC and win him back for the 100 time, without being ridiculous?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 7:51 am

      Hi Carolien,

      it would be better if you just really ignore him and move on if he doesn’t want commitment because repeating your words will look like you’re just trying to convince him back

  4. Alexandra

    December 26, 2016 at 5:57 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I have been on and off for about three years now. We have broken up multiple times, and every single time we break up, it’s like he becomes a completely different person. When we are broken up, he becomes a party animal and will try to get attention from any one, in any way possible. During this time, he also contacts any girl that will give him attention, including his exes. I know I can get him back through the no contact rule because I have done it many times before. The only thing is, it has become a longer process each time because he is very aware that eventually I will give in. I am on the 47th day of no contact, and while I have been working on myself to the point where I had been feeling great, I think the holiday just hit me very negatively. Since the break up, he has contacted me three times, but they were not texts that were anything special. They were late night drunk texts (regarding sex). He seems to really be enjoying the single life so I guess my questions are:
    1) Do you think I have a chance to make him genuinely miss me, even though he appears to be “living it up”?
    2) How can I get him to respect me again? To me, those late night texts implies that he considers me a “booty call,” which obviously upsets me (By the way, I have been in no contact so I did not respond to any of these texts).

    1. Alexandra

      December 30, 2016 at 12:57 am

      It always begins with a small disagreement that always ends with him ending the relationship. This time it was because the weekend I came home to visit from school, I didn’t go straight to his house to see him. He cursed me out and while I obviously originally wanted to see him, I wasn’t going to race over to his house after he was talking to me poorly. The next day, he texted me breaking up with me by giving me a bunch of different reasons. He said that he is not happy and never will be with me, that we have fallen apart and it isn’t fixable, and that he knows I’d be happier with someone else.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 2:47 pm

      that means you either have to do a very long nc for the cycle to break and be very active in moving on without fully moving on or just really move on

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 29, 2016 at 4:12 am

      Hi Alexandra,

      the more you do the no contact, the lesser it can help you.. why do you keep breaking up?

  5. Angela Bryniarski

    December 5, 2016 at 6:10 pm

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We broke up once, a year into the relationship, because of my jealousy issues, and got back together a month and a half later. We stayed together and things were good until recently where my jealousy started becoming a huge problem again (he moved into a house with a girl roommate), and he broke up with me last week saying he had had enough and couldn’t be with someone as jealous as me. I’m not sure if our relationship counts as an off and on again… but I want to get him back because I love him. I acted ridiculously and I realize that.. I just want to know if there’s a chance or if he’s gone for good. 🙁

    1. Trish

      December 27, 2016 at 1:41 am

      we’re on the same track.. i also don’t know if he will still come back.. did he contact you already?

    2. Angela

      December 14, 2016 at 6:50 pm

      Yes, I am currently implementing the no contact rule. He has since unfriended me on facebook, though. I’m afraid he meant it when he said “no relationship deserves a third chance ever.”

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2016 at 2:54 am

      Then dont take it as a third chance..That’s why it’s very important to change for this to become a restart and not a continuation of the previous relationship

    4. Angela

      December 14, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      I am currently implementing no contact. He deleted me as a friend on facebook though, and we had all these plans together for the holidays and new years. I’m really distraught and he said he will never give any relationship a third chance… i’m scared he means it 🙁

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 8, 2016 at 10:04 pm

      Hi Angela,

      It’s not really that on and off, but this time, do you want to try the no contact rule?

  6. Jane

    December 4, 2016 at 3:24 pm

    Hey amor!
    How do you know if the on again off again cycle is off for good? Haven’t heard from him in two months… we have gone 1 month with out speaking and then he reached out and wanted to get back immidetialy. Like begged me and my family. Another time it took one week before he reached out. Another time it took him 4 months to come around and he had a gf during those months.. now it’s 2 months… all this time apart is having my mind go back and forth overthinking and obsessing.. I’m too afraid to reach out because I know he has a huge ego, and he did wrong.. also he told me to leave him alone last we spoke so I’m respecting that.. the on and off is hard bc you never truly know when it’s over.. in afraid he knows I’ve taken him back each time that he is taking his time. Also he is seeing someone else Long distance. His mom still likes all my stuff on facebook. And he just liked my dads stuff ok fb last week and still has my mom on facebook as well. And he made his pages public. I know I’m thinking too far into everything. I’m a little worried I’m so caught up bc of how history goes that I’m not able to move forward and heal. I’m afraid I’m so far behind the healing or moving forward process that he may not be thinking of me at all. I just don’t get how you throw away four years. I’m driving myself crazy over here.

    1. Jane

      December 12, 2016 at 9:23 pm

      Amor I need help! My worst fear happened! That girl that he went to visit is now in my state and she posted a picture at the park we used to take our dog to. Idk if she lives here or Florida or if she’s visiting. I’m freaking out. Do you think this is serious? I’m so worried and upset

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Jane,

      you already tried to reach out, so that’s enough sign that he doesn’t want to talk. And if the girl is in your place, there’s a good chance that they are together.

    3. Jane

      December 12, 2016 at 2:46 am

      Hey amor!
      We have spoken quiet a few times about my on and off relationship that I’ve been in for four years and we discussed how a longer no contact. It’s been 2 months and some change, and I tried to reach out but my number is blocked and my facebook and instagram is too. I don’t want to be desperate and email is work email either. So I tried and now idk what to do. He usually comes back on his own but he’s still liking a lot of girls photos online and commenting. Doesn’t seem like he misses me much and he’s at bars all the time so he seems busy. Should I just keep no contact bc I don’t have much of. A choice? We have went four months with no contact but I am getting worried close to the holidays if he will go visit that girl across country again. I also notice he’s always liking all my mutual friends stuff on instagram. Or likes photos after I comment on them and he still has our photos up and has my parents on facebook and likes my dads stuff. I’m sure I’m readin too much into this, But I actually decided to give up my pride and that plan fell through. I’m stumped

    4. Jane

      December 5, 2016 at 3:21 pm

      Yea I was thinking about that. I know a lot of girls would think that’s crazy long, which it is, but every time we got back together we tried to bring up and hash out old fights. Maybe we do need long enough to have a fresh slate. A whole new relationship and the time to let me get over what happened that I’m still upset about. If he contacted me now I would probably still have resentment. It’s been two months and some change… feels like forever. He’s still deleting all my friends and what not off social media to this day. I had all of mine delete him the other day and then he went and deleted them right back. Crazy how he went on his followers list and looked to see who unfollowed and then did it back.. I’ll never truly know what’s going on on the other side but I guess only time will tell. And time is a killer. :/

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 5, 2016 at 11:29 am

      When he hasn’t contacted you for way longer than usual.. In your case, since he went 4 months before, he can still go back now.. but that’s why we advise longer No contact periods in that cases, to help have a restart.. sometimes 3 monts or 6 months if needed..

  7. LOsang0624

    December 1, 2016 at 5:09 pm

    Dated a guy for six weeks. He’s 28, I’m 26. Pursued me strong in beginning and out of no where cut off contact and said thought of as friend. Three months past saw each other occasionally because mutual friends. Liked social media activity during this time. Kept all conversations brief but friendly. Flirted with me at baseball game with our friends. Asks to get back together or try again after the three months. Date for three months this time with him pursuing hard again up to break up.know not dating anyone because same friends. Telephone calls from him a few times a week, dinners, football game, texts everyday, friend parties. Bring up official talk and agrees to it and says already were exclusive. Three days later breaks up and says sees as a friend. NC for 40 days so far. Views my snap stories and liked some social media photos during this time. Longest relationship for him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 1:26 am

      Hi LOsang0624,

      how much did you improve in the last 40 days? How many new things and new friends did you make?

  8. Exhausted

    November 30, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    Hello!! Well I have a real combo situation on my hands.

    I met this guy 2+ years ago on a dating site. I was finishing up my masters and he was finishing up tech school (He’s in the military). Everything was going great, or so I thought, until about 10 months later when things ended.

    Now I understand that things where quite different than when we started dating, I was finishing up my masters, was planning out when I would be moving out to another country (be it for work or to pursue another masters) and he had finished tech school and had started his actual job which left him with little to no time for anything, let alone for a long distance relationship. When we met he was stationed on the east coast and me living in the Caribbean and having a VERY flexible schedule made it easy for us to be together, then he was stationed on the west coast, and still my schedule was flexible but his work kept him traveling constantly so it’s not like we could have made plans well in advance and even when we tried they’d get canceled for work. He broke things off in November and claimed the long distance to be the problem, I think it was the distance AND the fact that he was stationed in a new place, surrounded by a bunch of single and younger guys who were all partying and drinking and getting laid constantly… Who wants to be tied up to someone who isn’t even there when you still want to party. So I just moved on (Mind you I was a wreck, and everyone could tell), and I applied for a summer job in Europe on a whim.

    Fastfoward a couple of months (February) and we start talking again, things start off great and just kept getting better. He moved out of base and got his own place with a couple of roommates, so I figure great! Saves us from costly hotel bills. Come march I get news that I’m leaving for Europe in May-July, but I keep my mouth shut. But one day he casually asks me if I had picked a place to move yet, and I say that I’ll be looking into that when I get back from my job in Europe…. About a week later he disappeared on me. Just stopped answering my texts… So I laid off, I keep busy with packing and planning, and I leave and meet new people and new places… And the out of the blue at the end of July I get a text from him and it all starts up again.

    this time around it’s not much different, we talked about everything, talked about a future together, made plans for me to go out there, the whole shabang. My work got extended for another 3 months but I made it a point not to tell him, so for all he knows I was back home. I was supposed to go out to see him in November, and on the last week of October he texts me to tell me that he’d knocked up a girl while we were on our off again period… And that broke me… I told him I wished him a good life with whoever this person was, that a kids always a blessing and that he could count on me for whatever the outcome. On the inside I wanted to just stay in bed and not move (Which I definitely did as soon as I got home). By mid November he had cut off all contact, deleted WhatsApp, Facebook and everything. I messed up and texted him via Snapchat that I missed him on Christmas (Alcohol was involved) and he texted me on New years wishing me the best. About a week later we were talking about nothing in particular, and the conversation steered to us, he told me that he makes really bad decisions, that he’s effed up a lot and that deserve so much better than what he is and can give me…. I just responded that I wanted to be with him, that he needed to stop making decisions for me and and to man up and stop pushing me away.

    Long story “short”, he deployed late January last year and came back in July. No contact no anything during this time… Except that he blocked me on snapchat so… absolutely nothing good.

    2 weeks into July, completely out of the blue he adds me on Instagram, I accept a couple of hours later and a week later we start talking. He tells me about his friend dying while he was away and that he’s moved to a new place with less people… he sounded different, but a good different, so I took it slowly. I didn’t want to have a big blown up conversation over text or the phone, so I just waited. This time he talked about not wanting to party, that he wanted to settle down and have someone that he can’t wait to come home to waiting for him, talked kids and dogs and family vacation. He’s almost 30, veryone around him is either getting married or having kids and he’s freaking out that he’s going nowhere and that his friend that died had at least someone in his life. I never asked about his kid, but I put 2 and 2 together and I realized that he had probably lied to me and that the big news he got that week was that he was deploying.

    He told me that he was going on vacation for a week to an island near mine, and I joked that yet again he had made a crappy choice by picking that island over mine, about midway through his vacation he asks me to go out there and see him, I say I can’t. Why? I don’t want to be the booty call that he calls up when he has a break. So he gets home, visits his family (Which is always great cause he gets really homey) and then starts working again. We make plans for me to go out there either in October or November or both, so we just relax until about two weeks before cause his schedule is ever changing and theres no use making plans in advance just to have them canceled. Then in the beginning of October he tells me that he has bad news and that the trips are a no go, he has training to do for both dates and that he was sorry. We talked a bit and talked on the phone. And then the next day when I texted him something about a show we watched together he didn’t open the text message… And he hasn’t made any contact since then.

    So basically I have the grand combo of situations, a military long distance ex boyfriend, who ghosts me instead of finding a way to work things out and who basically turkey drops me every year for the past 3 years.

    I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, at the beginning of our relationship I really didn’t even consider moving to the states, my job had a lot of restrictions and I live a very comfy life here, but living abroad has made me want to try a new country. I’m a US citizen so the states seems like the best choice, plus my career recently made it extremely easy for me to move out there…. Not that he even gave me a chance to tell him anything about this. I also think that me living a good life here stops him form actually offering me a life with him, I have a great job, family and friends that I adore, a lot of commodities and I live 10 minutes away from beautiful beaches that people pay to vacation at… He’s away for 3/4 of the year, either deploying or training and let’s just say that military towns aren’t the most appealing aesthetically, plus there’s never a guarantee that he’s coming back or that if I move out there it’s absolutely going to work out…. I just want to be with him…. So any help is appreciated.

    It’s been almost 2 months and if any contact is going to be made on my part it should be in the next couple of weeks, grab his attention before he goes home to see his family. You’ve got 2 people with huge communication problems here.

    Thanks in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2016 at 10:25 pm

      HI Exhausted,

      About his child, ask him first. Because what if he has a child, he’s just not together with the mom? And at this point, if you ever talk to him, make it clear at first what it is really about. Is it really just friends? Talk about the past 3 years.. you might lost him but at least you’re not allowing him to constantly treat you as he wants to..

  9. Herewego

    November 27, 2016 at 1:18 am

    Hi Amor! I had previously written a comment that was awaiting moderation… but I can’t find it! So I’ll send another.
    First off, I wanted to say that I am a SUCCESS story! I successfully implemented the guide and got my guy back… for a whole week. Yup, only 1 week. So before I get into the story, I want to say that I need you and Chris’ expertise! I am desperate. I’ve taken time for myself and I know now I want him back. When things are good, they’re great, and I want that back. So… bare with me, here we go….

    My ex called things off end of aug/early sept. After begging and embarrassing myself, I found your site and followed it. First of course I agreed with the break up, then hit NC. After 3 weeks NC, I reached out and it worked like a charm. Let me say, he was head over heels for me. The reason he called things off was because they were getting too serious. It was actually on the same night he had asked if I wanted to go back to his hometown to meet his family… at the end of the night I told him I loved him. 1 week later things were called off. He stated it was because he was leaving the state for rotations and didn’t want to fall for someone before that. (granted he’ll be back in the same state as me for most months).

    Fast forward 3 weeks. I implemented the guide and won him back. We spent an entire weekend together and got back together. He had told me he was sorry for being a jerk and that now that he knew where his rotations were he was feeling more confident about us.

    The week after I was super sick… I mean I went to convenient care 3x, got a steroid shot and antibiotics! We couldn’t hang out all week because of it. Throughout the week I could tell he was off, he seemed distant. I gave him space towards the end of the week, which ended in him being like, we can’t even hang out now, how is distance going to work, and calling things off saying he needs more space. I will say he was in a long distance relationship before and told me once he “ruined her life” by having her come out to where he was. I tried to be understanding and we called things off. But then a day later I was so upset I texted him how angry I was. He didn’t respond.

    1 week later I told him that I agreed with the break up and it was for the best. He said okay. At this time I was trying a dating site. He apparently was on the same one and simply sent me a pic of me on the site. I told him that I had been on the site but took myself off because I needed time for myself first (which was true). I then asked to meet up just to catch up. He said he was busy.

    2 weeks later, around Halloween, we met up for breakfast finally. Things were great… except that he began showing me pics of girls from dating sites whose pics he thought were funny…. and then proceeded to tell me he’d “manage” me and help me with pics for my dating profile. (that sucked). I blew it off and kept things light. By the end of of time together he was very flirtatious and even grabbed me ass. I told him that he didn’t have that right anymore. He even mentioned that he wouldn’t even get to see me naked that day… (ummm what! I was pissed). I told him that was his fault. I hugged him goodbye and left. I texted that same day asking him to not tell me about women he matches with on dating apps, that it was too soon.

    A few days later, he texted me for basically a booty call. I completely turned him down and then eventually put my foot down and told him that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way he was treating me. That I was better than that and was tired of him putting up walls, pushing me away, and treating me like crap. I told him I needed space. And left it at that. He tried telling me a few times how amazing I was, but I told him to stop.

    1 week later we were both in the same area, and had seen each other across the room. I simply waved and went about my day. He later texted me if I was still there. I ignored him… and then did the worst thing I could have done. I drunk texted him that I didn’t want to hear from him, that I didn’t want negativity in my life or someone that continues to hurt me. The next morning I felt so bad about it I texted to apologize. He immediately responded that the only reason he had texted was to apologize to me for the week prior. I pathetically begged for forgiveness…. to which he responded “we’re cool boo (1. he never calls me boo, and 2. he still nvr really apologized). I told him I wasn’t interested in FWB and that I only wanted a committed relationship at that point and that I was walking away.

    The next day I texted, I asked him what his behaviour of treating me like a hook up was all about, him grabbing my ass and then booty calling me? I wanted to know what it was about. He simply responded with “Oh I did, whoops” (to grabbing my ass). I was hurt and shocked so I didn’t respond. 2 hours later, he texted again saying he’d never do it again.

    Fast forward 2 weeks to today and past Thanksgiving (yup didn’t text and didn’t hear from him). I’m wondering what to do… I’ve been debating sending a text, based on research of checking out get ur ex back sites. Basically a text reaching out to say that although he hasn’t treated me well lately, I cannot be solely angry at him. Because it takes two. And that we moved to fast the second time around. We never stopped to talk, especially with him leaving for rotations. To see what he wanted, what I wanted, what we both wanted. We never communicated. Granted his wall was up, I could feel it, but still we should have talked. I should have told him I was scared to get hurt, and he should have talked to me as well. Then I wanted to simply thank him for giving me space and understanding, and that everything works out the way it should and hoped he had a great holiday season.

    Basically, I’m wondering if I should send the above text? I am 2 weeks NC in. I don’t know if the text above would help or hurt me…. we’ve both had our walls up and our defenses. I’m wondering if I should show a little understandning… then go into a little bit NC before moving forward? HELP PLEASE! Anything…. set me on the right path cause I’m at a loss…. thanks 🙂

    1. Herewego

      December 21, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      So I think I figured out a big problem I was having… 2 of them.
      1. self – love: Needing to get back to being myself and getting out of feeling like I need a man’s attention to feel worthwhile (THANKS to the awesome article Chris just posted with the woman who talks about making goals and loving yourself! AMAZING!!!! It was life changing!)

      2. I didn’t know how to act once I got him back OR how to text and feel confident to keep convos interesting and him wanting more… that’s when I stumbled across James Bauer’s secret obsession book about the hero instinct. I swear, Chris and James need to team up with their two books!! Those combined and they would be killer! With Chris’ help, I had the skills to become confident and get my fella back… but I failed in knowing how to communicate and stand out to him more than any other woman. I tried a few ideas from the secret obsession book, and had my ex engaged in a 2 different full on convos where he was texting promptly, asking me questions, and wanting to know more. On top of that, he wants me to think about making plans with him for New Years.

      I really think Chris should give that book a try with his. Those two together, and I feel like for the first time I’ve got the whole picture and I’m well in control now! I shall keep you updated on how this all turns out with the ex… patience is a virtue, I won’t make the mistake of moving too fast again! 🙂

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 24, 2016 at 8:24 am

      that’s good.. Thank you! I’ll forward this to Chris!

    3. Herewego

      December 9, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      Hi Amor!
      I’m not sure if my post from over a day ago was posted… so I figured I’d try posting another, considering I also have an update to add to that as well.
      Sooo as I had mentioned (in the possibly lost post), He has texted me twice, was VERY flirtatious and friendly. He last texted me after he went out for this burger and said it was amazing. I didn’t respond and then didn’t hear from him all day the next day… and instead of playing it cool and being hard to get (like I should have), I texted asking how the burger was. He gave me 2 quick line responses. I didn’t respond, but went out for drinks and a show. I got home late around 1 am and simply texted I had been at the show, just got back and had asked about the burger as people had been talking about that place. I then wished him a great weekend.
      Ok Amor, I was doing great before. Hard to get, pleasant, cool… and I slightly feel off the wagon and contacted him, making myself a little less of value in his eyes.
      So I still have my same previous question… as to how to make sure I stay high value and not a “let me try to hook up with her” place in his eyes. I want the status of, I want this girl back in my life. Also, how do I correct my little moment of weakness. Clearly, I’m not texting, AT ALL til he does. And I have plans to meet friends for dinner tonight. Any help is appreciated!!! THANKS 🙂

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2016 at 11:18 am

      Don’t agree to be in a position or place where he can sleep with you. It’s ok to have to fun, it’s ok to be cheeky. If he asks you out, stay out don’t go to his or your place. Just enjoy the day. Tell him in a humorous or cheeky way, that you’re not ready to “meet the parents again” or “meet his bed again.”

    5. Herewego

      December 8, 2016 at 12:00 am

      Hi Amor!
      Ok sooo did what I told you I was going to do… laid low and did not contact him. Went out with friends and even though… sadly I may have cried after a night out and missed him, I did not text or call (so on pathetic scores, yes still pretty sad haha). I appeared completely fine though! Anyways, I took a break from all social media, fb and instagram. Haven’t looked at his and have avoided mine. About 3 weeks post NC, I was realizing that I would not be texting him… ever. Ball was in his court. Any who, he texted 3 weeks in, he had seen a pic of me and a friend on a bar homepage. A classy pic, us smiling with drinks. He made a comment about us being “famous.” I acted friendly and we chatted quick and then that was it.
      5 days later, I saw him on school campus, and driving home. He texted me and the convo was even friendly, even good times were brought up. …. actually, he was pretty flirtatious. Now again 3 weeks ago I had told him to give me space cause he was treating me like a hook up or acting like he wanted one, which I wouldn’t allow. I put my foot down and let it be known that I only wanted someone who wanted a commitment.

      Here’s my question… he was flirtatious. Similar to how he was 3 weeks ago. What do I do. I mean I was friendly and even reciprocated with some memories of good times. I just don’t want to fall into the line between him thinking he can go back to trying to trying to get me as hook up… versus treating me like a lady and wanting me back in a relationship. So how do I go about this fine line of trying to make memories and rapor and such while trying to make sure he has good intentions? I literally don’t know what to do. I know if he asks to hang out he may try to put moves on me…. I was to be chill and friendly. I mean geez I’ve told this guy what I’m looking for and what I won’t settle for, he should know! What do you recommend?

      Thanks so much 🙂

    6. Herewego

      November 28, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I had tried posting a comment just now, that said error it wasn’t accepted, so I’m trying again. But I’ve decided NOT to send the clean slate text. At this point I think you’re right. Anything I send right now will have a negative affect on me. I already sent 2 I agree with the break up texts… and then initiated being friends after the 2nd break up. Basically if I reach out again, after telling him I was walking away and needed space after him treating me poorly (trying to turn me into a booty call), I’ll look pretty weak, pathetic and indecisive in his eyes. That or I’ll look like I’m playing games. So you’re right, I think it’s best to continue with NC and maybe actually shock him that I’m not reaching out this time. I’ll push to better myself and enjoy the holidays. I’ll plan on reaching out Jan 2nd to wish him luck on rotations though.
      Thanks again for all of your help! I’m sure I’ll be back for more advice 🙂

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 29, 2016 at 1:42 pm

      Thank you for informing us about the issue.. That’s good.. Take your time.. I’ll be waiting for your update!

    8. Herewego

      November 27, 2016 at 1:20 am

      Just saw my previous comment pop up below! Please ignore that one and read the one above. I busted out my computer for it = way less typos 🙂 Again, thank you for all your advice, you are all amazing! I just need to get on the right path with what to do….

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Hi Here we go..

      well, the message, should be a clean slate message.. You can send that, but it should look like you’re moving on..And that you’re really choosing to heal first this time.. So, that when you reconnect in January again, it would be a restart.. Because if you really don’t change and look like you’re moving on, you would appear hot and cold or playing with him.

  10. Herewego

    November 26, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    Hi! Just want to say how amazing this site it, literally a life saver! But here I am…. a complete success story! I won my ex back… butttt then it went down hill after only 1 week! Which means…. I need your help once again’t you brilliant people you!

    OK sooo long story short. My ex called things off end of August/early September. Said things were getting too serious, that he would be leaving for school rotations in January and didn’t want to fall for someone. I can tell you, he was head over heels for me. I think me telling him I loved him after a night on the town is what scared him. Also, we dated 4 months.
    OK so followed the guide to a T! Got him back 1 month later. We reconnected quick, he immediately wanted to see me. Over a weekend we got back together, and yes slept together. That following week, I was super sick. I mean went to convenient care 3 times, ended up needing steroid shots and antibiotics. Anyways we didn’t see each other for a week and he way weird, being distant and not himself. So I gave him space for 2 days. Again, on the 1 week back together mark, he called things off, said he needed more time.
    I was understanding at first, but then sent a message saying how angry I was and how could he do this again. He didn’t answer. Later that week I agreed with the break up and that he was right and I would like to at least meet up. Needless to say, yes, I was emotionally all over the place (embarrassed!!!)
    We met up 2 weeks later and had an amazing time! Henjoy was clearly still super attracted to me. Although I had been on a dating site and he caught me the week before. He simply sent me a pic of my bumble pic. Anyways I told him that I realized I needed more time to myself and wasn’t on the site anymorw, which was true. So when we met up, he had been showing me girls he found he thought had funny pics and offered to manage me to get dates after seeing my pics…. what?!?!?! So besides that, the meet up was great. But he was a bit of a jerk, assuming I wanted to sleep with him and even grabbed my butt.

    Anyways, I hugged him goodbye and left. I texted that day asking he not tell me about people he’s dating. 1 week later he’s booty calling me basically. I put my foot down and called him out. Told him I didn’t deserve that and we needed space.
    Another week later he asked to meet up…. I was so angry I responded in a mean manner telling him I wanted space because I didn’t want negativity in my life or someone hurting me. I regretted it in the am.
    I apologized and said that I still wanted space cause I was looking for not a friend’s with benefit but commitment too. I apologized profusely for what I had said and asked if we were ok. He said “yeah boo. We’re cool”….. he never calls me boo.

    The next day I asked what his behavior was all about and what was going on in his head. I explained why I had been so mad and especially about him grabbing my ass. I asked what it was about.
    He simply responded like whoops. I did that? I didn’t respond. 2 hours later he said he’d never do it again.
    It’s been 2 weeks… no contact. And even over Thanksgiving! I’m wondering if I should send a text stating that I’ve been thinking a lot, and get why he called things off. That the 2nd time we moved too quick, didn’t stop to communicate. To see what each of us wanted especially when he left for rotations. And that’s true, we didn’t communicate. He should have treated me better these last weeks, but overall we didn’t communicate and it’s my fault too. I was just afraid to get hurt. I wanted to finish with, I hope he’s been as happy as I these few weeks and I realize things work out for the best and hope he has an amazing holiday season.
    I would then go into no contact until Jan 2.

    What do u think??? Should I send the text I outline above? Or just continue with nc??? I’m at a loss of what to do and on what timeline. For example, when do I break NC?
    HELP PLEASE!!!! set me on the right path to success of getting my ex back… again! 🙂 I appreciate it!

    1. Herewego

      November 26, 2016 at 9:45 pm

      I apologize for all thevents typos above! This was written out on my phone

  11. Lisa

    November 18, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    Hi,
    After 1 month of nc i texted him, he didn’t reply, but after another week i texted again and he replied and we were then texting for 2 months. The texts we extremely slow and he seemed very stubborn, but eventually we got to speaking every day after about a month, then after a month of speaking everyday, he called me. I didn’t answer because i didn’t feel ready. He left a long voicemail just chatting about his day and i guess he was a little flirty in his ways.
    Anyway, we spoke for another few weeks, he started sending me things like I miss you and that he was sorry for how he handled things etc etc. I was just very smiley about it because i didn’t want it to bring our conversations down.
    He asked to meet up, I decided on day and time and he moved his schedule around for me.
    We met, it was so so lovely to see him. We played a game of pool and had a drink whilst he explained to me why he missed me and he was sorry and the things he likes about me etc etc. I ended the date, with a short kiss.
    We then went on another date, i suggested a bike ride (we have no common friends). That was again amazing and the conversation was great. We went on a proper date after that where i dressed up nice, we had dinner, we had already exchanged kisses by now.
    We later went on a camping trip together, and then more recently went on a road trip together. Ok things weren’t the way there at the start of getting back together, but we were in contact everyday.
    I started to notice he was losing interest right after our last trip away. I hashed it out with him. he said he was just busy.
    Last week he said he wasn’t feeling great within himself. I asked him to talk to me, but he didn’t respond. I sent him a few funny interesting facts and one was an inside joke.
    He then went onto say that he feels confused and stuck with life and pressure that he doesn’t want (not sure if that was to do with me).
    I said that there aren’t many people that get to this point in their life and have nothing standing in their way. But the paradox of options can be stressful too so i can understand why he feels the way he does. I said perhaps it would be a good idea to think about what is important to him and what makes him happy.
    I didn’t hear from him then for 4 days until i sent him a meme that he would like and find funny and a text saying that i hope hes feeling better and that i am hear even if its just for a cuddle and no talking.
    He replied to say that he knows i’m always there for him and that i care, but this is just how he deals with things but the problem is he doesn’t know what his issues are.
    I then replied saying that i understand he needs time and space and i will leave him for as long as he wants but that i just needed some reassurance that the problem isnt us. He didnt reply, but had been on other social media, which annoyed me, so i sent another message saying that the lack of response isn’t promising an that i have been patient and empathetic but that i have feelings and i need to know where i stand.
    he said he has been thinking about us but he doesn’t know anymore. That everything for him isn’t working and that he doesn’t expect me to wait but he just doesn’t know what he wants anymore. He had also said that it was his first day back at work after work after two days off.
    the next day i said that it was frustrating having these feelings that contradict each other, on the one hand i want to protect myself from whats happened before happening again, but on the other all i want to do is comfort him. and it feels like he is shutting me out. He said he didn’t know what to say and that things were going the way they did before, although i’m not sure if he meant personally or with us. I then went on to say that if he isn’t feeling great in himself then probably not best to answer that right now and it was unfair of me to ask. I said to give me call in a few weeks once the dust settles with the medication he has started to take for very low mood (apparently it can make you worse before better i’ve read). sent him big cuddles and hope he gets better soon and made a joke to think about if he feels down. He said replied and said that i always have a way of making him smile, thanks for being understanding, that he will try and tell me how he feels when he knows and that he just needs space and is feeling lost.
    I sent another empathetic text with a joke and told him hes not alone and there are people that love him (although we haven’t voiced that to each other yet) and that he will always be in my thoughts.
    My gut feeling is that he is depressed and the meds are making him worse before better as he was also getting some other symptoms as well before.
    I am willing to give this another go, i just don’t know what my chances are and how maybe the game plan differs for my situation. I want to be there for him as he is very vunerable, but I know my time is more precious than his..
    I am a single parent and the unstableness of this is not what i need, but i do love him and i believe it can work. He lives just under an hour away from me, so it wasn’t always easy for us to spend time with one another. His house that he was working on this year is now complete and i think that he is at a cross roads. I really do feel for him.
    We also waited six weeks before having sex. We’ve been in contact since May.I even met his family this time. Please please let me know your thoughts! Thank you xx

    1. Lisa

      December 18, 2016 at 10:34 pm

      I know it seems a bit back and forth. He said back when we first split up that his feelings are up and down. He has relationships that are on and off.
      Like I said, I would like to give this one last chance.
      Has he friend zoned me? I listened to the friend zone podcast… do you think I should follow this advise but with a two month NC?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 9:02 am

      hmm.. bottomline is, as long as you feed the cycle, it will go on.. so, it would be better to do the nc first and then after that, from there, decide how you would approach the situation

    3. Lisa

      December 15, 2016 at 9:43 pm

      Hi Amor,
      I didn’t follow your advise (stupid I know) we re connected a few days after the message I sent you. I went up to his place, as soon as he opened the door he flung his arms around me and hugged me and felt like he wouldn’t let go (we hadn’t seen each other for a month).
      We talked. I told him I loved him – he looked at me and said it back.
      We were then together again, then a week or so later started feeling he was becoming distant again.
      Cut a long back story short we had another phone convo that led to the conclusion that he feels he should be making more of an effort but he doesn’t want to, but doesn’t know why.
      I ended the call crying say I should’ve never trusted him. We didn’t speak for nearly a week.
      I text him a few days ago to ask if we could talk he replied straight back and said yes. We spoke for about an hour, but not of our relationship status. We did talk about him looking for a new job and that he interviews and stuff lined up, which has been on his mind a lot lately and therefore has been big topics of our convos. He said he didn’t call me when I hung up the other day because he felt so bad, he didn’t know what to do for the best. I ended the convo basically saying it’s in his hands – but I hate that I gave him this control.
      I text him this morning saying good luck with the phone interview today and that I missed him with a pic.
      He replied straight back, and told me he also has an interview nearer me next week?? Not sure what to make of that. Why didn’t he just say another interview instead of making a point it was near me with smiley?
      He text me a meme of inside joke earlier which I didn’t reply to and now he’s just told me how the interview went and what he’s feeling. I didn’t see the text for a bit, replied a nice message that looked at the positives of what he’s told me.
      I’m wondering weather I should just ghost him? I know that is really mean, but I don’t know what is going on. It’s like he is using me in every other way apart from actually being committed and that bugs me. I know he’s feeling lost at the moment, but I am not a lamp post.
      I want him in my life, I love and care for him so so much, but I’m emotionally drained from it.
      Thing is i don’t want to do this clean slate msg either.
      What do you think?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 17, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Well, honestly,I’m just going to give the same advice but I think this time you really have to think about what you really want first

    5. Lisa

      November 27, 2016 at 9:16 am

      Hey,
      So I spoke to him, had a really good conversation with him.
      He said he misses me so much but he’s just feeling very mixed up. We’ve had a few texts, but it seems like he’s just ignoring me now.
      I really just want to do the NC but I did say to him that just because something gets difficult doesn’t mean I will give up if I think it’s worth it.
      I’m worried that if I ignore him for that long that it his recovery will suffer and he will see me as a liar.

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2016 at 5:08 pm

      His recovery depends on him,not on you.. If he really needs you,why would he be ignoring you? If you’re feeling guilty, send a clean slate text telling him you need to put yourself first to heal while he’s healing too..and then do no contact. Let him handle himself. Dont baby him.

    7. Lisa

      November 23, 2016 at 9:24 am

      Ok. I will put something together. Hopefully it won’t sound like I’m doing it for him.
      And then I suppose comes the 60 day nc?
      I do trust you guys. I think it’s because you explain things so well and have facts and figures thrown in to back it up.
      I have learned a lot from this website about relationships in general Thank you for that too x

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 25, 2016 at 10:53 pm

      Yup, after the text will be the nc period. Make the most of it,so that whatever happens, you still have yourself.. But let’s hope for the best

    9. Lisa

      November 22, 2016 at 8:55 pm

      Hi and thank you for getting back to me.
      I will not let this relationship spoil the relationship between myself and my little boy. But thank you for thinking of him.
      Seeing as though i got him by following your plan with the exboyfriend recovery pro. Is there anything I need to do differently to what I’ve done before? I guess most people reading this haven’t used the plan before, perhaps?
      I have been thinking a bit today and realised that I got a little clingy again. I stopped doing a few of the things that made me grow during the recovery and I would like to send a text to him to say that I realise now that I was becoming quite clingy and that I’ve now realised how important it is to have my own life too and not look too much to him for all of my happiness, but to do the other things that make me happy as well, what do you think to that? Then maybe start the NC?
      Thing is I’m not even sure if we are split up or not, but respect his wishes for time.

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 22, 2016 at 9:37 pm

      Thank you for trusting us too.. I think you need to send a clean slate text… But don’t make it seem like you’re going to do what you’re going to do for him.. Make it seem like you understand him and now you realized you have to put yourself first… Like saying when you’re ready again someday, you’ll reconnect.. So, that it’s ok even if you dont answer but at the same time he wont know when you’re going to talk to him..

    11. Lisa

      November 20, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      My child has met him a few times and gets on really well with him. I won’t let what’s going on with between him and I affect my relationship with my son. I have lots of help with him, he is cared for and he always comes first

    12. Lisa

      November 20, 2016 at 6:21 pm

      Thank you so much for getting back to me.
      I would also like to say that this website is amazing. It’s been my crutch and I am always referring to it when I’m unsure and you all explain things so well
      I realised that I was making the situation worse by being kinda self involved. I thought the worst and got defensive. He should know that right?
      I realised I wasn’t helping him and it wouldn’t help our situation, which is why i said the things I did. Our texts ended well. So I’m just hoping that I will hear from him soon, as I just feel for him.
      Do I do the NC for the full 60 days? I fear that he will reach to me when he’s feeling better and if he doesn’t get a response from me he will think I don’t care for his situation.

    13. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 20, 2016 at 2:35 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      that’s good that you want to comfort him but that’s not what he needs. He needs to deal with his issues independently.. I understand that you need to hear what your relationship status is too but asking him now is not the right time. It’s just adding to the things he needs to think about..also, as you said, you’re a single parent, if he is not involved with your child or he affects your relationship with your child, then you really have to step back and think about all of this…

  12. Maggie

    November 10, 2016 at 7:11 pm

    Hello,
    I am in an on/off relationship for 1.5 years now… we have strong chemistry but when he is stressed he breaks up with me or when there is big change in his life (he is starting a new job in my area now). We live about an hour apart. I am not sure how to move forward as this time he has sent me an email saying how wonderful I am, how I am a gem but maybe I am someone else’s gem. That he needs me to stop sending him sweet things and using my sexual attraction to get him back into a relationship with him. This is the 4th off time…. I do love him and feel strong connection with him. But I don’t know what to do to move forward? I am in NC for a few days now..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 14, 2016 at 6:18 pm

      Hi Maggie,

      4th? that means you should move on. Because commonly, when you get a negative or no response for 3 times that means it’s better to move on..

  13. Nicole

    November 9, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    My ex(B) and I started talking in February if this year, after had both gotten out of serious relationships the fall before, mine was 4 years, his was 10 with an engagement. We officially got together in April and were together til mid June, when he broke up with me. A few weeks later I started dating a new guy and that lasted about a month then he broke up with me. During that time I hung out with mutual friends and saw my ex (B) a few times, and he had told one of the friends that he still had feelings for me, none of which he acted on because I knew he was/had hooked up with other girls. I texted him a few times after seeing him and after my other breakup but it didn’t lead to anything. One Sunday night while I was sleeping I had received a text from him and we ended up texting the whole next day and what not and then we agreed to meet and talk. I asked him why he wanted to be with me and not those other girls and he said it was because I was the only one he had made a connection with. Well we ended up getting back together mid August, everything was great, we were more open with each other and talking, we got closer and so did his family and I, but then he started texting less and I would only talk to him every couple days, which kinda bothered me but not really because we usually saw each other every weekend and every Tuesday and Wednesday… Anyways, we had talked on the phone for almost an hour a few weeks and we both said that we were happy and everything, then the next day he broke up with me because he thinks that I lied to him. I never lied to him ever ams he knows this. I texted him later that evening and didn’t get a response and haven’t texted him since or seen him…we want the same things in life, to settle down and have a family. He’s 27 and I’m 22…

    1. Nicole

      December 1, 2016 at 9:15 pm

      So what exactly should or how do I do that? Build rapport. I’ve read the articles and what not but I’m not exactly how to go about it…also when I’m over there tomorrow getting my stuff, is there anything specific that I should or should not do?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 2, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Dont over analyze.. Just be calm, normal. Be polite, smile when he arrives…casually ask how he’s been, talk about current stuff, use that time to have a topic that you can continue talking about in texting..

    3. Nicole

      December 1, 2016 at 1:18 am

      We haven’t been talking, we’ve talked only twice within the last month and none of it was relationship-wise. He contacted me this past Sunday and haven’t talked to him since, but I will probably be over in his area Friday to get my stuff…

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 1, 2016 at 11:05 am

      Ok.. Try to initiate contact now to build rapport..and keep doing the activities you started during nc..take it slow..start with texting, then calls then later meet ups..

    5. Nicole

      November 29, 2016 at 11:48 pm

      I actually just finished the 30 day no contact two days ago…but two weeks ago I was a birthday party for some mutual friends and he was there also, we spoke for maybe a minute but nothing about our relationship and then I texted him briefly the next day so I decided to go another two weeks NC. He texted me two days ago to tell me that he had found some of my clothes at his house and that I could pick them up next time I’m in town, kind of threw me off a little but because I was not expecting it at all…I kinda replied that I would let him know the next time I’m on town and I’d stop by and pick them up, and these clothes aren’t even anything special, a sweatshirt and a tank top, that’s all…

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 30, 2016 at 7:02 pm

      Ok.. you didn’t actually break it when you talked at the party because you didn’t talk about the relationship. But you already broke it the next day when you texted.. Let’s say you just did two nc.. And when was that? Because you said you’re already talking for a weeks now right? And it looks like you have to do another no contact period but this time, stick to 30 days and continue improving yourself even after the no contact rule.

    7. Nicole

      November 27, 2016 at 1:18 am

      A mutual friend and I were talking about how my ex and I don’t talk everyday and he didn’t think that I was right, it bothered me a little bit bit not too much because we saw each other frequently…so he thinks I lied to him about the whole not talking everyday and how it wasn’t bothering me when it really was…

    8. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 28, 2016 at 4:42 pm

      It sounds shallos..it’s like he’s just using it as a reason.. Try a 21 day no contact for him to cool down..

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2016 at 7:37 am

      Hi nicole,
      lied to him about what?

  14. Claire

    October 12, 2016 at 6:16 pm

    I think I jumped the gun here a bit I’m on day 10 of texting by day 5 my ex offered to cook my tea which I declined for the reason been I don’t want to go round his house yet and I don’t want our children involved yet (both single parents). He moves into his new place on Friday. Today his ex was meant to be taking his children to the annual fair here and she let them down again ( she always does hence him having custody). So he has had to take them therefore he hasn’t been able to do the jobs in his new house. I have offered to go to his new house and do some cleaning whilst he is at the fair. No reply yet but that’s not an issue as I’m sure he will. But I think I maybe shouldn’t of offered yet. What should I do now?

    1. Claire

      October 25, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      It’s all gone wrong I read the guide on is he using me so I told him straight I’m not just gonna be his fb. And he just told me he doesn’t think he wants to be in a relationship ever again.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 26, 2016 at 6:38 pm

      Yeah, you’re moving too fast.. Either you move on, or for the last time, which to be honest is a small chance.. Just step away, and then do a full no contact and then after it, take things slow.. don’t be over caring, because it’s you’re investing too much when he’s not even giving any.

    3. Claire

      October 25, 2016 at 11:30 am

      Screwed up again. I went out with friends ended up at his later on slept with him and then started talking about our relationship and feelings. He has been off with me since. Is this the time I move on I really feel I’m not getting anywhere with him and I feel like I’m never gonna get the relationship I want from him I’m at the point of giving up I tried to be patient but it doesn’t seem to be working for me.

    4. Claire

      October 16, 2016 at 11:15 am

      This whole process is harder then no contact I feel like giving up x

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2016 at 6:31 pm

      Yeah, it’s like you’re putting yourself in the friendzone one step at a time.. Just lay low for now.. And no more doing stuff for him for now..

    6. Claire

      October 16, 2016 at 11:04 am

      Also he is all for his friends at the minute. And I feel that there is no place for me Inow his life x

    7. Claire

      October 16, 2016 at 10:59 am

      Amor I’ve made a big mistake. I went and helped him but he ended up turning up. So we chatted and stuff. Anyway he offered to come do a job for me today (fixing my fence). So I said I would do his dinner. Anyhow the weather is really bad today so he has text and said that he will come and do it another day but I replied OK I’ll still do your tea if u want. He declined saying he gonna stay at home and get stuff done around his house. I have replied and said OK I’m gonna try do my fence one day when it’s dry as I don’t expect him to be at work all day and then come do jobs for me. Also I’m now thinking it’s too soon to be having him here what should I do next? I feel like I’ve really messed this up and to be honest this really is last chance before we go our separate ways. I want it to work but I feel I’m been a little impatient here too. Instead of thinking before I text I’m just replying straight away so I need to work on that myself. But how do I go about this now after making this mistake? X

    8. Claire

      October 12, 2016 at 6:24 pm

      Ps that was not a ploy to get round his this is just the type of person I am. We have decided that we are gonna try a new restaurant together. We just haven’t set an actual date yet. So should I bring this up or wait for him?

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 13, 2016 at 10:33 am

      Yeah, it’s too soon for you to be doing that for him but since you’ve already offered it and you wont see him..just go ahead.. but hold off on the second time owkie? 🙂 It’s a very good character, just let him miss it for now

  15. Liz

    September 29, 2016 at 10:51 pm

    My ex and I have been on and off for a while. I don’t really know what to think of it. It’s kinda like he either doesn’t want to be alone or he doesn’t want me to move on. This past time, we hadn’t talked in a month and a half and then he called me 15 times until I answered then he told me he loved me and he wanted to be with me. I kinda told him I didn’t know yet and had to think about it. Basically he talked to me for about three days after, but not even affectionately, then he stopped texting me again. I know he will come back again but I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. He is so back and forth it is hard to even take him seriously anymore when he says he still loves me. I don’t know what my next move should be

    1. Liz

      October 5, 2016 at 2:21 am

      I have tried recently and he is pretty much avoiding me whenever I try to have a serious conversation. I am the only girl he has ever told he loved me so I know he doesn’t take it lightly. But honestly at this point it feels like he is just saying it to keep me around. I thought that when he told me that over a month since the last time we talked he wanted to work things out but he is now ignoring me again. I don’t know what to do at this point because no contact for over a month hasn’t changed anything.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 7, 2016 at 9:26 am

      if that didnt work then it would be better to just move on..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 1, 2016 at 1:29 pm

      Hi Liz,

      I think it’s time you have a serious talk with him.

  16. Alyssa

    September 28, 2016 at 7:34 am

    My ex and I have been together on and off since highschool senior year and we are now 21. We have gone through 3 breakups, and gotten back together each time and now this is the 4th breakup. I just recently started nursing school I finally got into my program and we were both excited that I would be an RN in two years and we would be able to start our lives together and finally move in together.
    Our last breakup (before this current one that just happened 1 month ago) was over a year ago. We did the no contact, eventually I hear from him, later I went to party with mutual friends and he ended up being there, instantly he asked me to hang out soon we did and started talking again and then a couple months later he was begging for me back , so I said yes if he promised this wouldn’t happen again and he swore up and down that this We made it a whole year, barely had any fights maybe 2 and I thought everything was going great and that he was more mature and ready for us to stay committed and stay together.
    He would tell me weekly that he couldn’t wait until we got married and couldn’t wait for the day I would be pregnant and we could have kids. He even named our kids with me, and we picked out a wedding song for I thought this was it we were going to make it and not break up again and stay together forever this time.
    Back to this breakup now, 5 weeks ago I started my nursing program and I was instantly stressed. We had class the first week everyday from 8 to 5 and then I would go home and have 4plus hours of homework to do. I didn’t see him for 5 days, which is a lot for us since we live near each other and usually hung out 3-4 times a week. so of course we were having stupid little fights about me feeling Iike he wasn’t trying to make time to see me or talk to me, him saying that I’m too stressed and being negative and he wants more time with his guy friends all of a sudden. So we had an argument over text, it continued, just us being crabby to each other until I finally said later that night okay I just want to drop this maybe we should take a little break and not hang out over the weekend so we can just breathe and remember what we love about each other but o no he DID NOT want a break. He acted very hurt that I even suggested that, I had suggested it 5 days before as well because I was super stressed from school and just needed some time to myself again he was hurt that I even suggested a little break. And I meant a break from hanging out I didn’t mean a break from our relationship. But he didn’t want that so we apologized and he said he loves me, the next day he acted like everything was fine, telling me he loved me and couldn’t wait to see me, I got done with school went to meet him, we went for a walk and hugged and cuddled and everything was fine… I thought… We went back to my house to watch a movie and the DVD player wasn’t working and out of nowhere he said he wants to be single, we keep having little arguments and I’m too negative and stressed from school and putting it on him and he doesn’t want to deal with it anymore. he said it is best for him and me and he’s always going to keep hurting me because he can’t handle stress. i texted him a couple days later and got no response. Then I texted him asking if we could talk and I laid everything out for him and told him I want to work things out and I know we both have things we need to change , I have anxiety and got meds to help with it and help with school and I told him that and told him how I was feeling about us and that I am willing to put the time and effort in to make us work and work on ourselves as well as work on the relationship. Well he was happy I got the meds for anxiety but he told me he’s just happier being single and that we aren’t going to get back together in the future because when he’s in a relationship he loses himself and needs to find himself again before he can ever be with anyone but basically told me it wouldn’t be with me because he doesn’t want to do this again to me and I can find someone better who won’t hurt me like this or put me through this again. He said he didn’t want to give me any false hope about us ever making things work, maybe if God brings us back together we will but he’s not saying that or making any promises. He said he loves me, he loves me so much and did see a future together he just doesn’t see it now or want it. I told him okay this is the last time we will talk then I’m out of his life forever (this was in person now as I went over to get my things from his house) and he said he wants to be friends but that’s it, I said no I cannot be friends and I said again so this is the last time we will talk then. And he ended it by saying he will always love me that love will just be different now as in he will always be there for me to give me a ride if I need one or if I ever need anything and he told me he would text me when he’s ready to talk and we can hang out. . After I told him this was the last time we were going to talk! A week later he asked me to meet up and talk. I was hesitant but went anyways. We went to one of our favorite parks and walked and talked like everything was fine. He told me he wanted to apologize. He said he ended things wrong and it’s him and his immaturity and how he’s not ready for a relationship but he’s not mature enough to work things out when things get hard. I said I agree. He told me he wants us to be really good friends. Again I told him no I can’t be just his friend unless he sees it leading somewhere like is getting back together. Now he told me he could see it and see us together but he doesn’t want me to wait for him because that’s not fair to me and he’s not sure when he will be ready again. I tried texting him a few days later. No response. I texted again the next day asking why he wouldn’t respond if he wanted to be friends and have the possibility of growing back together. He said he was waiting to respond but still thinks it’s a little too early for us to be texting and hanging out but he said he had fun on our walk and that it was really nice. We are now in no contact phase again. I don’t know what to do, this is the 4th time now I’ve been through this and I can’t keep going through it, he always comes back when even in the past breakups he tells me everytime we are done forever. Then somehow we start talking and he wants to hang out and get back together. he knows he has a problem with just ending things out of anger but he has yet to change and ends it whenever it’s convient for him. I do want to be with him, when we are together everything is always so good, we do everything together and are best friends but It just makes no sense I don’t know how you can tell someone you are going to marry them and have kids with them and plan a future and then just throw everything away again over me being stressed and negative about school and stuff and over little arguments over text message. I also know I really need to try and move on and just be happy being alone for now because I can’t keep waiting for him. Any advice you can give me I would really appreciate.
    Thanks
    Alyssa

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 29, 2016 at 10:46 am

      Hi Alyssa,

      I think he just made an emotional decision but later on realized that this is not the best time because you’re busy with school.. there’s still a chance that he will come back but before moving on, why nkt try no contact again… do 45 days this time and focus in making a routine that would help you heal and be less stressed

  17. Baffled

    September 25, 2016 at 6:31 pm

    Hi, I started dating a guy in April and we were together until the beginning of June when he broke up with me. We weren’t communicating and both thought there was something wrong with the other when really we just needed to talk to clear the air. I sent him a text in mid-June saying he was on my mind and hope he was ok. He contacted me on July 4th and we talked nonstop for two weeks while I was out of town on vacation. He said he wouldn’t have contacted me if I hadn’t reached out first. We went over the reasons we broke up and agreed we needed to communicate better. He talked about our amazing connection and how he thinks we could have something special and how he thinks I am perfect for him.
    So we were back together for two months and he broke up with me again two weeks ago over text saying “I’m an angry individual, and probably best if left alone..hopefully no hard feelings, but for the best..sorry”. I responded with telling him I was hurt that he was hurting and pushing me away again and that I don’t understand and I’m confused but that I love him (first time I said that to him) and because of that I’d do as he asked and leave him alone but that he wasn’t alone. That was 2.5 weeks ago and no contact since then. I have no idea why he’s angry. We didn’t fight at all. I saw a friend of his at work and she asked me if I had heard from him and I said no. She said she doesn’t understand him at all. Do you think there’s any hope he’ll come back again? We had fun together and I met his friends and sister. I just miss him and I’m afraid I’ll never get to tell him I love him in person.

    1. Baffled

      September 26, 2016 at 1:01 pm

      Well yeah we’ve met in person. We were dating exusively from April-May and then July-Sept broken up in June.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      that’s good. Be active in during the no contact rule. Make it seem like you’re moving on.

    3. Baffled

      September 25, 2016 at 6:33 pm

      And we’re not really young, late 30’s.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 9:23 am

      Hi Baffled,

      He’s got problems or thoughts that he doesn’t want to say. It’s either he’s really dealing with something or he just got bored of the relationship.. Have you ever met in person? If not, then honestly, there’s not much chance.

  18. Crystal

    September 25, 2016 at 3:50 am

    My ex and I broke up a second time. It isnt an easy relationship to be in because he is on the road for work than he is home. I know that i want to be with him for the rest of my life but i need major help. I dont want this cycle to keep going…how can i get him back and keep him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      Hi Crystal,

      So, why did you exactly break up and do you want to try the advice above? And I think you need to check this one too:
      How To Keep Your Ex Boyfriend Once You Get Him Back

  19. Chelsey

    September 24, 2016 at 7:05 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We’ve broken up 5 times, the first two were early on and only lasted a week but other times has been a couple of months. This time he has said he feels like he needs me too much and says he doesn’t love me as much as he used to. I’m his second longest relationship, his first one being through school and his mum tells me all the time he’s scared of getting too close and getting hurt which he had done in the past. I won’t go into it but the reason I have always stuck around is because I know what he’s been through. In the past we have done no contact but it hasn’t lasted long and usually what happens is that we still hang out but just as friends so nothing happens but then he eventually tells me he wants to be with me. He has also said he doesn’t know if he always comes back because he’s scared of being alone. I don’t know what to do. I’ve told him I’m not waiting this time but I want to be with him so bad it’s hard to convince myself I can stick to it. Part of me feels like he does love me its just him getting scared again but then there’s that negative nagging that he’s just been too afraid to be alone. Is there any chance for us?

    1. Chelsey

      September 25, 2016 at 5:46 am

      I’m 22 and he’s 27. So what should I do? He came home yesterday to pick up some stuff and asked me for a hug a couple times. Then when he left he said this is really hurting me too. For at least two weeks we have to remain living together as neither of us can afford to move out yet but all weekend he has remained at his friends house as he doesn’t have work so we’ve barely had contact.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 25, 2016 at 2:20 pm

      Improve yourself. Don’t chase. Be civil but try to go out more.. check this one too:
      EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 7:49 pm

      HI Chelsey,

      How old are you both? You had a long time together, and the reason isn’t really something that can easily make him forget your good memories. I believe fear is not greater than love but it is powerful. If he is fearful then use that fear. What hurts more? Losing you or keeping you?

  20. Jessica

    September 21, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Hi,

    My name is Jessica. My ex boyfriends name is… we will say Mark. Today would have made three and a half years being together. Off-on that is. We met in college, he moved away to LA, we were off-on for that year. A year later I moved there with him. We never broke up for that year and the relationship was amazing. A year later we move back home to our own parent’s houses and the cycle starts all over again.

    Currently, we are “off”. It’s been about 2 weeks. I contacted him 3 days ago, no reply. Yesterday was his birthday, however I did not text him and don’t plan to.

    The breaks up go like this: a stressful moment arises, he breaks up with me. For example: finals, midterms, deciding to begin studying for the LSAT, studying for the LSAT, applying to Stanford, and now… taking the LSAT.

    Every single time, it’s like clock work. I was awaiting this break up because I knew the LSAT would be stressful for him. But I never made it difficult to study. I’m not clingy, argumentative, jealous or possessive.

    His excuse to break up every single time is that he sees me as a friend and we are growing in different directions. Hello… we have all the same interests, values, goals, we laugh and joke and have an amazing sex life. How in the world do you think I would believe that excuse?

    We’ve broken up maybe 15 times and a few times we’ve been apart he’s had sex with some girls from his past. He says he goes to a dark place without me and he makes mistakes. I’ve forgiven him. And never once did I exhibit trust issues. I don’t check his phone, question where he is at or anything. I do trust him.

    I’ve let him get away with treating me like an option so much that he knows he can do no wrong in my eyes.

    He’s always been the one to do the breaking up. We give the “I’ll always love you speech,” and a week later reconcile, usually he will reach out saying he’s made a mistake.

    He knows I’ll always always always take him back.

    Whenever we get back together he says that he gets anxious when the relationship feels comfortable but when we are apart he realizes that we are best friends AND lovers and that he was too selfish to see another perspective rather than being wrapped up in his own perspective.

    I know 100% I have left a wonderful impression of myself in his mind. I did everything for him and I did it lovingly. I never hurt him and would drop anything to make him happy and feel loved.

    However this time I feel like he’s really done. He says I deserve better “goodbye.”

    He hasn’t spoken to me in 2 weeks and didn’t reply to my texts telling him I love him and miss him (before he always replied to that)

    What do I do?!? I have already initiated NC.

    Do I have a chance of him coming back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 23, 2016 at 10:02 am

      Hi Jessica,

      honestly, there’s a big chance he will be back because this has been a pattern for him. He knows how hung up you are on him that no matter what he do, with just a word you’re back together.

      You said you did everything right, you did everything for him. I think you need to start doing things for yourself only.
      If I were you, I would move on because he has repeatedly disrespected you. But I know you wouldn’t so, the least you can do, is to make him work hard for you. Be hard to get this time because you deserve it.

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