How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back Permanently- Ex Boyfriend Recovery

693 thoughts on “How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back”

Sim

September 17, 2016 at 7:18 pm

My childhood crush and i finally dated each other and it was the best thing that had happened to me.since he is in the army we could only meet a few times but the rest of the times it was going great until i broke up with him after a fight and he refused to take me back which drove me more crazy. I wanted him even more than before. We decided to stay friends n i accepted that even though i wanted him to be my boyfriend,but we just had a lot of fights. I became really clingy and he even told me this and even annoying which i agree i did! Things got worse,and we had a really ugly fight and i was just not willing to let go. Now its finally over and he said hes over me too but i feel like i still like him and would want him back! I know ive been clingy,annoying and really crazy! He calls me crazy everyday cause of my acts! I dont know if i should even contemplate waiting for this guy or simply move on? We had a fight last month i said some really hurtful thingsbut he came back to me n aplogized after which again we had a fight cz he keeps asking me to move on! N i cant cz i really like him n last month he said the same thing fr me, this month a huge fight happened n he told me hes really done with me this time n wants me to go away n find someone else! Im crushed! Please help

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 5:38 am

Hi Sim,

you’re having fights because he’s tired of you chasing him? are you going to do no contact? And you should read this one:Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

IGST19

September 17, 2016 at 5:17 pm

It’s been 9 months of NC since I’ve been broken up with my on and off ex for good. Is it way too late in the game to consider reconciliation?

We were friends on Facebook after the breakup, but I unfriended him to cope three months after the break up. A week ago, however, he blocked me.

I’m wondering if I should move on at this point. I’ve tried dating, but I can’t forget or move on.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 19, 2016 at 6:06 pm

HI IGST19,

If he blocked you, then it’s not a good time to reconnect.. why did he block you?

Scared and really really confused

September 15, 2016 at 4:29 am

Dated this guy for a year. He had a girl that he had dated in his past living outside the country. They had plans to rekindle their dating life once she returned back. They would only communicate through emails while she was gone. They weren’t serious emails, it was more just light and convos updating about life. But he met me. He told me that I really changed his mind about what he expected from relationships and how they should work and often compared me saying this mine and his was better or more what he wanted than this girl living outside the country at the time. He told this girl we started dating and then slowly basically stopped writing her. The first 7 months of mine and his relationship was SO GOOD. At the end of those 7 months it became time for this girl to come back home. I had completely forgotten about her because me and him were discussing marriage, I love you’s, etc. he told me that he PROMISED her he would give her a shot and couldn’t go back on it so he had to. We broke up and he went on a few dates with her, he lcame back to
Me after two weeks of seeing her and said she still wasn’t what he wanted. We we dated for about 4 months after that and it was good…but many fights happened as it was kind of hard for me not feeling insecure about when he left me for the other girl.

I knew it was something he had to do (otherwise he’d resent me for never letting him
KNOW for sure) but it was hard getting over that hump. We had many hard times about it. We broke up cause I kept wanting to move forward but he didn’t have confidence. I did 30 days of NC and he never contacted me until on day 28 he showed up at my house to “return my items” but really he had intentions of getting back together. He told me he was sorry and missed me and wanted to date/marry me and he had finally found the confidence needed to move forward.

The relationship went on and I noticed not much had changed…and every time I tried to talk about the past and how we would do things differently it was clear he was just thinking him coming back was enough but I wanted to make changes..cause the relationship failed once so let’s do things different right? A couple nights ago he invited me to his house and I was just talking to him about how I just wanted things to feel happy between us and I wanted us to talk about expectations and work on them. He said that he’s struggling right now in his life and feels like if we set expectations and he didn’t meet them it would make him feel worse. He said while he figures his stuff out and gets the help he needs that he thinks a break would be best.

I am nervous that his friend and family will convince him to just leave me behind because the “on/off” has a bad stigma so I was scared taking another break. It’s harder to keep coming back to an “on/off” relationship and family and friends definitely start to wonder why you keep trying in my opinion…

I want a relationship with him SO badly because I feel we are capable of making it work. I hope he doesn’t move on. What do I do?45 days NC? And then what? I’m just scared he’ll move on..but then again he’s not a
Super outgoing meet new people person. He likes comfort and I’m that for him where as starting up a new relationship really puts him out of his comfort zone. Me and the girl that lives outside the country are the only two he’s ever dated. Help me. I want him back so badly.

Scared and really really confused

September 19, 2016 at 1:15 am

I caved this time around and called him…he didn’t answer so I left a voicemail and he texted and said that he wished he could talk right now…but couldn’t yet but that he hopes I’m doing okay ….I just texted back and said what I needed to say and said that whenever he’s ready to talk I am right there ready to but that for now I’ll leave him alone and it’s up to him and just apologized for everything. So do I need to do full 45 days of complete NC again? And then reach back out to him? Or do I just move on and wait for him to come back to me again and if he doesn’t well then it’s over?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 20, 2016 at 8:24 pm

Let’s say, you’ll wait. Until when? Why not just do nc, be productive. Improve yourself and if you feel you need to move on after it, at least you’ve already started. If you don’t, at least you’ve changed before talking to him again
Scared and really really confused

September 15, 2016 at 3:53 pm

Just to clarify…..He’s not a cheater and he’s very loyal and committed…but I believe he has issues with letting people in and developing that “close” bond with someone. He’s even admitted that he wants so badly that level of depth in all his relationships with people but struggles getting it. He was also so sweet to me and nice and kind. When he was in his “up swings” of his personality he was going out of his way to make me feel special….but then when life was hard or something happened he kind of retreated. He told me all the time that I was exactly what he wanted but the timing was just maybe off…could this be true? I just want him back because in the good times things are good but getting him to not run away from all things emotions is hard.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 18, 2016 at 12:03 pm

Hi Scared and really, really confused,

You said, when you wanted to talk about expectations, he retreated and then ask for a break. That means he felt pressured. Ok, if he likes you and he’s a committed person, that means you just have to keep maintaining yourself. If you ask yourself, would you date yourself? If he’s given space and you just keep improving, then he would likely miss you and want to be with you again.

Cassie

September 9, 2016 at 3:42 am

Hi, I’m needing some advice. My boyfriend and I were together 6.5 years and engaged for one. In April of this year he found out I cheated on him. The affair wasn’t physical, but emotional (texting another guy for about a month). We had grown distant and did not have the tools to get back on track. He broke up with me and moved out. Since then we have gotten back together and broken up 4 times in the past four months. It is always him that breaks up with me. Reasons include him being scared to trust me, to this most recent time last week where he broke up with me because he didn’t like how I said something to him smh. I feel like he still loves me, but there are some unresolved issues (mainly him forgiving me fully and leaving the past in the past). I am worried that we may be broken up for good, but feel like it is worth trying to get him back granted he can forgive me and fully commit to working on our issues. Should I implement an extended (45-60 day no contact)? So far we are one week NC. After the no contact, should I reach out via text? any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cassie

September 11, 2016 at 3:27 am

Thank you for your suggestions. I’ll definitely check those out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 3:36 pm

You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 10:07 am

HI Cassie,

I think what you need to check these first: Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)
EBR 020- How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If YOU Cheated

DEESHI

September 7, 2016 at 1:09 pm

Hey my ex boyfriend had broken up with me in the month of July . We have had on and offs like 17 times in 3 years i had written here even before in July where you advised me to do 45 days NC. So we met directly during the end of august. I had gone to meet my Junior College friends as it was her birthday. my ex boyfriend is in that common group he called my friend that day and asked if i was there and she said yes. mean while he came to meet me i was seeing him after 1 and a half month. But in this 1 and half month i got to know he was flirting hell lot with other girls and and few of my common friends i was heart broken to know that he was doing all this. and even during our relationship he lied to me about many thing. because of which i have lot trust in him.
my current situation is – he is back .he wants to stay in good terms with me ,he loves me a lot he also gets jealous like too dam jealous when he gets to know i am out with my guy friends. But he wants to be friends with me. He calls me by sweet and cute names that he used to call. we talk almost everyday but i dont know i am unable to trust him. he knows he has hurted me a lot. he was sorry also about that. he said he wants to continue flirting with other girls and this is what i dont want. i have no prblem if he talks to girls. But even while flirting he crosses his limits. I used to feel all these special things he said and did was only for me. he says i am not a dating type girl he says i am someone who he wants to marry.
One thing he is very sure of and he knows it well no one can love him the much i have in these 3 yrs. our bond was strong. and he is scared of me going to someone else.
i want him to chase me. and not to think of anyone else but only me. well he thinks of me a lot. but i want him to know his limits with other girls.
WILL BE WAITING FOR YOUR COMMENT. and thanks for helping always
his confusing behavior has become really frustrating because of which i am unable to concentrate on other work.

DEESHI

September 9, 2016 at 7:22 pm

he hardly talks to me now. he yes he gave me an explanation about a few things. he said he is really busy with the Ganapati festival right now. and many other stuff are on his head. he also mentioed he doesnt want to be physical with me. and he just wants to be friends. now my question is being friends with him wont make him feel that wwe are better off as friends like later on he might fell that. and 2nd thing i wantedto ask can i do NC at this moment can it help?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 1:19 pm

hmm.. review this article and read the other one too:

What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Just Wants To Be Friends
EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend
DEESHI

September 8, 2016 at 11:37 am

Hey thanks for the reply. Whatever you said above he wants the same thing with me while talking to him he said whatever you said. and he wants to be friends with me but he wants to hug me , kiss me get physical,and mean while he gets super jealous too.. when i try talking to him about all this he says he knows he is wrong but he is not doing anything to change that. he said he has tried. he even nows he has hurted me lots. even right now he know i am going though lot of pressure cause of him but he is still doing what he wants to. i have tried even talking to him. i told him lets start new. he said he is ready to but i shuldnt crib about his past. i told him i would never do dat. but all i asked him for was him to tell me what all he lied to me in the past during the relation and off the relation he said he doesnt remember. from yesterday we started this conversation and how he is ignoring my texts He hates talking about all this then eventually he ignores me. he read them too. last he said was think whatever you want to think. whatever you feel like doing do! and now i know he is not going to text me. he will go NC. This 20th we are going to complete 3yrs we both wanted to spend that day together i doubt now he will even wish me. is there something else i can do?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 9, 2016 at 2:03 pm

the best you can do is to really be less available.. if you keep being around without commitment that can just make think you’re ok without commitment
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 10:58 am

Hi Deeshi,

you have to be strong. You need to talk to him calmly. Do it when he’s in a good mood. Do you still go out together? Because if you do, use that day to talk to him. Have fun and then when you’re sitting or walking after a good activity, when he’s already in a good mood, open that topic casually. Tell him, “You know I understand that you’re not ready to commit that you want to have to fun and that you still have feelings for me. I appreciate that but if it’s really not the right time for us to be exclusive, I hope you can give me the same understanding that I need to move on because it hurts me to be in an open relationship. I’m still here. I’m still your friend but ofcourse I won’t be expecting much anymore.”

And then be less available. Decline some dates, be more focused in your activities.

Foolishly hopeful

September 5, 2016 at 10:55 pm

Actually do you mind deleting my comment I’m afraid someone close to him may know about this site and I don’t need this getting back to him. Is there an email option available instead?

Foolishly hopeful

September 6, 2016 at 6:25 pm

Thank you ! I emailed what I posted in this thread
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:13 am

You’re welcome!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 5:49 pm

Hello foolishly helpful,

I need to reply to you so this one would be published but reply back to this comment too so that I’ll know when I can delete it. You can email us at [email protected]

Shanique

September 4, 2016 at 11:54 pm

Hi Chris! I have been in a long distance on and off relationship for about 3 and half years recently my ex came up to visit but instead he broke it off with me due to not want to be with my family for reasons that were squashed a while ago anyhow he started to call me less and went cold turkey for a month we started speaking when I reached out to him but he didn’t really seemed interested instead he was more ignoring and avoiding me one night we were on video chat and basically he told me I am making him feel bad and he told me he loved and missed me and he was just angry at me and he didn’t know why long story short i realized his actions weren’t adding to what he was saying he still didn’t reach out or text me and I asked him why after all that he was saying the other night and his responds was why should he then he reached out to me on my birthday so I basically asked him what are we doing here he said he doesn’t want to be with me because he is tired of the back and forth and that he rather be alone Cuz a relationship with me stresses him so after that we basically got into a disagreement and I asked him if almost 4 years didn’t mean anything to him he said it does but he isn’t no longer doing this and that he told me if I didn’t notice he was avoiding me so I said if u were avoiding someone why answer their calls or text me back ask me if I’m okay etc now I am on day 6 of no contact and I haven’t heard from him since our fight what should I do?

Shanique

September 6, 2016 at 7:56 pm

Thanks for the advice! I shall try the 45 days no contact.. when that is over how shall I go about contacting him? and what if he doesn’t reach out at all? And by the way I’m kind of guilty of acting heart broken and needy when I spoke to him last how can I appear differently when it’s time to reach out
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 10:20 am

You’re welcome! You can refer to this podcast for a first contact text: EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 6:55 am

Hi Shanique,

do 45 days and then move on without fully moving on. He has to think you have moved on. He has to think you’re not going to chase him anymore and you have to improve. So, that when you start to be friendly again, he wouldn’t think you’re doing that to get him back.

Megan

August 24, 2016 at 8:36 pm

I was with my guy for almost a year. He’s divorced for several years and shares custody of their 2 dogs. I met his family, friends, spent holidays with him. Over NYE I said that I loved him. He changed after that. He broke it off with me 6 mths in saying he thinks i’m amazing and cares for me but doesn’t think he can ever love me, or probably anyone. I actually purchased ex boyfriend recovery and we got back together! We got back together because he missed me and said he wanted to be with me and make me happy the best way he knew how. We got back together too fast and I see now we didn’t really try to make things different. He grew distant and when I asked what we could do to have more affection between us he broke it off again saying he just can’t love. We didn’t speak for weeks, but he had shoulder surgery recently and I contacted him to see how he was. I brought him some food and we’ve texted a little back and forth about 2 weeks. He sent mixed signals, like wanting to bring me something I hadn’t asked for and I brought up the fact that I thought he might be having second thoughts about the break up, he assured me he cares for me, misses me, but stands by his decision. He ended up saying we only got back together because it’s what I wanted. He says he’d like to be friends. I said I would be friendly, but I have no interest in just being friends. Several hours later I texted him saying the talk helped me and I no longer feel the same as I did, so I feel better about things. We had a few more surfacelike texts. I saw him again recently in a group of friends and we joked and laughed. He texted later admitting he felt guarded during our last meeting. I’m not over it by any means. Is there a chance I can turn things around for him to want to try again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 7:14 pm

Hi Megan,

he has to think first that you have moved on..how? well, for me it’ll take time.. continue being friendly with him if you see him personally but be a little distant.. dont initiate.. just respond and have and establish your own life.. improve it, look your best always

Queen without her King

August 24, 2016 at 6:35 am

Hello Chris and the gang! I am a longtime avid follower and I love the new website design you launched this week!

I have a conundrum. My ex and I fit the on again/off again type. We dated for two months, broke up for a few weeks (didn’t follow this program – I texted him), dated three months, broke up for one month (again, reconciled after I initiated contact and texted him), dated for two months, and now we have been broken up for a month and a half (longest we have been split). I warned him after we got back together the last time that if he broke up with me again, there would not be another chance. Our last two breakups occurred when he was very drunk and rash. A week before we last split, we had seriously talked about living together and blending our families (we each have children). I was strong and I didn’t beg or plead when he broke up with me this time. Also, as I was always the one to initiate contact after the previous breakups, I really don’t want to be the one to do it again as I feel it makes me look pathetic.

Our last contact was when he texted to wish me well on a crucial grad school exam. I replied and said thank you, albeit I was a little too mushy. Realizing my mistake, I implemented NC immediately and am now 28 days into NC. I got fit and lost weight, updated my hair style, been active with friends, and changed my profile picture on FB to which I got lots of compliments (I unfriended him two weeks after we split as he kept added women and I didn’t want to see him move on. However, we had mutual friends so I know he saw my pictures.). Moving on without moving on. 😉

A few days ago, I noticed that he finally unfriended my friends and family (a month after I did that to him) and according to his Facebook status, he is now in a relationship. I know I shouldn’t have, but I looked to see who she is and she doesn’t live here – she is someone he knew in high school. They probably haven’t seen in each other in over 13 years. So, he is in a LDR with someone who lives over 1000 miles away. I’ve visited your page re: LDRs and I know for a fact that he doesn’t have the vacation time nor the funds to travel once a month to her but she may have the means to come to him.

I was better to him than any woman ever was to him. I always treated him like a king (he knew it and all of his friends and family knew it too). Should I continue to be a queen without my king or should I pursue getting my king back?

Since I already warned him he wouldn’t have another chance, he has not reached out to me during NC, and he has a new girlfriend, I am conflicted about whether I should really finally let him go and give up. Is his new LDR real? It’s so hard to let go because I searched my whole life for someone like him (I never needed a man as I am a strong, successful, independent woman) and I know I’ll never meet anyone who has all the same qualities I loved about him. However, I have self respect and also feel that if he wanted to be with me, he would.

Ugh. It’s so hard. Thank you for all you do!!!!

Queen without her King

August 27, 2016 at 2:45 pm

Also, they are now telling each other that they love each other on Facebook. He and I broke up 7 weeks ago. It took him 7 MONTHS to tell me he loved me (he doesn’t throw the “L” word around lightly since his divorce). I understand that they knew each other a long time ago but they can’t possibly know the people they’ve become since in such a short amount of time, especially without seeing each other face to face. Can they? Based on her page, they are polar opposites too. Can their relationship be real or is it just a rebound (transference)? I still don’t know whether I should just let go and give up or continue with NC a while longer. Any guidance you may have would be greatly appreciated.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 28, 2016 at 11:50 am

Hi Queen without her King,

looks like a rebound.. just continue on with your nc..we usually recommend 45 days to an off and on again relatio ship

Carmen

August 23, 2016 at 2:55 am

Ok this is my last comment and then I promise I’ll stop asking so much, but how about if your ex is REALLY stubborn? Because he’s not the type to text first. The first time I did NC he literally crawled back to me but if I hadn’t texted him first we probably would’ve never dated to begin with. And he practically swears he’ll never get back with me because “when he’s done with someone he’s done.” Were technically not in an “off phase.” Like I feel he legitimately wanted to break up. And even though I’m only about 1wk into the NC, I realized it’ll be the same amount of time I put into last times NC. I feel like he might notice that. I feel like I might just be over thinking this but I’m also a bit paranoid since he blocked me on everything except Facebook. And the whole grass-is-greener syndrome might be a factor too..

EBR Team Member: Amor

August 26, 2016 at 4:13 pm

Hi Carmen,

that means you have to do a longer nc and really make the change genuine

Erika

July 24, 2016 at 11:28 am

Hi, I really need some advice and I am sure a lot of women have been in this situation. First off his wife left him she cheated on him and left the two kids with him. He waited 15 months before he decided to date. We started dating, he was perfect, we went away for a weekend and it was our first time together, he umm well failed in that dept, and I was not feeling good about my body image anyway. He broke it off with me the same day we returned (early Dec 15) (by text! I called him made him say it) excuse “he thought he was ready by was not”, I was not as fit as him and slowed him down and “if I am going to date, i will date someone properly or not at all” – he is 50 he has two kids (19 and 17), he said he felt guilty leaving them alone and his daughter needed him on weekends (she works at night at supermarket – she is a school student). I later learned she is needy, 17 and cannot make her own bed or iron – nothing. Anyway, I was heartbroken, tried the 30 day NC rule, it worked. Mid January We started talking and eventuated after a month to a date, then gradually more often (but avoided me on valentines day and never said a word, I didn’t either) over the past 6 months (yes that long) saw more of each other and end up seeing each other once every 10-14days and text almost every day. HOWEVER in this time, no kissing, no nothing physical, it worked up to a quick peck on the lips hello and goodbye but nothing. Imagine going to a movie sitting there watching a romantic scene and he wont event hold my hand. I treated him gently never said anything until month 5 – I asked him why he didn’t kiss me, he said “look everything will be fine I just want to take it slow”. He saw me once more after I made that comment and for the past 4 weeks have not been on a date or “catch up” as he calls it. He seems busier and he does make the effort to contact me as much anymore. Its only every 3 days we we text, but it’s not the same and he seems to bepulling away and not as into me. So what do I do now? 6 month mark, he still has not divorced his wife (24 months now) and he has lots of negative emotion towards her. I almost feel he does not like me at all. I’m sad, he really is a nice guy, but not the same guy I dated initially (for 8 weeks). Please help me. I sound pathetic but I just remember how good he was and the qualities i liked in him. We were very close at one stage. I have been trying to get fitter too (for me not him, and I am more confident). Will round two of NC work? what is in this guys head!!!

Erika

August 30, 2016 at 2:41 pm

Since my mistake of “the email” and forcing him to say something. He is not talking to me. In fact my last message was ignored. So do I start no contact for longer ? Say 45 days or just leave it a week and as s friend say hi? It’s his birthday in 5 days. Perfect time to say happy birthday and just leave it. Or be silent. ?
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 31, 2016 at 1:37 pm

you can greet him but continue to be distant before and after greeting him.. establish that you are moving on.. if he initiates,reply and end the convo in high note.
Erika

August 28, 2016 at 11:53 am

Hi Amor. I meant also to say that after my confrontation he had retreated and barely responds if at all. I stopped texting him (as I thought I was still being friendly) but like you said its chasing. I just can’t draw the line of being fun and friendly and chasing. So if we are not even seeing each other or talking to each other do I go back to no contact ? I’m definitely not in his friend zone anymore and have accepted I will not get the answers I’m seeking from him
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 30, 2016 at 11:44 am

hmm.. it means having fun but not bringing anything up about the relationship or how he feels.. Basically, being friends is just starting out as friends so you can leave a good impression on him and attract him.. Like an ungettable girl, she plants little by little and makes the guy feel that she’s not his.. That if he wants more of those fun moments, of being with a great person, he has to commit because you got other things going on in your life too.. He’s just a part of it.
Erika

August 27, 2016 at 1:01 pm

Yes I will try your advice. I read what I wrote to you and I sound pathetic! Am I looking at NC again?
Erika

August 23, 2016 at 4:38 am

Hi Amor, you were right I was being friendzoned. I finally cracked and wrote him an email of what I wanted (going to slow like he wanted to build to a long term relationship), we met up for breakfast a few days after (we had not seen each other for 6 weeks due to him being “busy”, but we would text almost everyday). It went fine as it always does, at the end I asked if he got my letter. He said “yes” and that was it – nothing said. We said goodbye and I went home. He we silent for a few days. He was going away for work for three days and I texted him and via text not phone (as he was too busy packing to talk) , I forced a response by asking “do you want me to just go away” – he replied it was not working for him, and that he needed to be alone to concentrate on the things he needed to do at home and it keep things on track and didn’t want the stress of a serious relationship. I knew he was time starved mainly because he does everything and his daughter is demanding but I am just confused. In my stupidity I said I valued his friendship and he said maybe we would see each other sometimes, but I think it was a flick off via text I forced it and now he has gone. I sent him a text last night – saying how dissappointed I was this was done via text, and I thought he would have shown me the respect by telling me on the phone. what do I do? I can’t be his friend its not working for me and also now after my confrontation i think he has gone. I think I should tell him by email I can’t be his friend and to call me when he is ready for a relationship. What do I do? try that, give up? i like him. He wouldn’t even tell me he liked me still deep down inside, as I asked him that too. I’m confused.
EBR Team Member: Amor

August 27, 2016 at 7:53 am

that’s all chasing… stop chasing.him
you need to be distant..do you want to try my advice?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 27, 2016 at 8:35 am

hi Erika,

you’re like being friendzone… don’t be too available like before and start to go out with others too.. don’t wait for him to ask you because the more you just wait for him, the more nothing will happen.. have fun everytime you see each other and leave at a high note..make him want to be with you by just being fun when you’re together but have your own life and a little jealousy with seeing others

DEESHI

July 22, 2016 at 4:52 am

hi,
my ex boyfriend and i were in a relationship from the last 3 years. and in these 3 years he has broken up almost 16 times with me and all the 16 times he was back.and always while breaking up he tells me he is never coming back. he has had 2 girlfriends before me but i was the only one who he dated so long. and he was serious about me till the day he broke up. he told me he was sure about getting married to me in few years. he sent me 7 to 8 messages saying how important i am to him. and how i have changed his life and how much he loves me. he told me he has never loved anyone like this the way he loved me. i am mentioning this because for the first time he actually said something like this on whats app its was heart touching. no doubt he keeps saying all this to me but i dont know why it was something special that time. he said he was 100% sure about me and our relation. Suddenly we had an argument which turned into a fight. and we fought badly. the fight was about whether i should continue this relation or no. i told him it wasnt your right to tell me whether i should stay or no. it was always my decision. and suddenly. he stopped replying. for next 2 days we had no contact with each other suddenly next day he called up saying your friend called me up are you fine? and i was on a trip that day he got to know about it cause of my whats app dp and status he asked me with who i am? and where i am? then he went of cold and said bye. i asked him if we were together he said no. i got pissed and asked him to never come back. and sent him long rude messages cause i was angry. in morning i sent him messages on instagram saying sorry and he blocked me. i got pissed and told him i havnt done anything wrong to get blocked. he said he is never coming back and said he is finding someone else soon. i was heart broken. i decided to give him space and got into NC. later i got a text from my friends saying this weekend they are going for a trip and asked him i wanted to join i said ok i thought i would get fresh. they wanted me to get a hookah pot. which one of other friend had and i asked him to lend me this weekend he said his pot is with my ex and asked me to take it from him so i had to break my NC and speak to my ex. I met my ex he just gave me the pot and said bye. i stopped him and told him to at least meet me properly as he meeting me after 2 weeks. he said dont try please i am not coming back and he has moved on and he doesnt love me anymore i am already finding someone else and in a few weeks you will come to know who i am dating. i asked him what the problem was he said its you, then he said its not you its me, and then he said i cant handle you, and he cant stretch this relation anymore the rubber band has broken.while talking to me he called me BABU and i asked him what did you just say he said i cant call you babu or what? and in the end before leaving i asked him to be friends with me he said its not possible cause i would cling when i would know he is dating someone else and try to take him back. My friend tried talking to him on whats app and he told her he has no time to talk about all this and he doesnt want to hurt me and himself by being in the relationship and he wants everyone to understand what all he went through. i never asked her to talk to him cause i knew he is stubborn and he wont listen anyone. she tried talking to him cause she saw me crying. i asked him to block me on wats app and he blocked me. reason i asked him to do that was i knew i would keep texting him. i didnt tell him the reason.
i am planing to do the NC again and keeping the faith on my love for him that he will be back being positive in every which way possible but i get scared at times what if he looses his interest in me and starts loving someone else. i have that trust on him that he has loved me truely and he cannot love anyone else like this but i even know he is stubborn. Should i post snaps with other guys on instagram and snapchat? that’s my major question! and will he come back this time? please i want him back please help me!

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 7:54 pm

Hi Deeshi

he already is losing interest with you because of the back and forth pattern of the relationship and also, as he said, he sees you being clingy.. Stick to being active in nc.. you don’t have to have one on dates right ahead.. but it’s important that you meet new people and make new friends and improve yourself.. stick to 45 days of nc

Rachael

July 19, 2016 at 11:11 pm

Hi Amor,

My ex and I have been together for almost 6 years now. For the first for 5 years we were long distance we talked everyday and visited every month. Then when I moved back from college he dropped a bombshell and told me that he had slept with other women while we were apart. I lost it (p.s. it was last June 2015 that he dropped the news). He went on to tell me that they meant nothing and that he was just lonely but that he was in love with me and was willing to do whatever it takes to earn my trust back. So of course being in love I said okay lets work on it.

That was my first mistake I didnt take time to really think about what it was I feeling and if I could forgive him. As you can imagine I was a mess I would constantly be asking who he was texting or talking to where he was at etc. The trust was completely gone which led to fighting. Prior to the news I was confident in my relationship and had no reason not to trust him. Anyway to continue we were in constant fights until Aug 2015 when he told me that he no longer loved me because I had become so insecure and it was a turn off. Which I get. So a couple months go by(we would still text here and there) and he shows up in Oct. trying to reconnect telling me he loves me blah blah blah.. so we give it another shot. We fight and the cycle continues.

So now its July 2016 and we just got in a huge fight because he never has time to hang out and would rather be with his 2 best friends everyday! No Joke. So last night I call him and he freaks out because I called while he was at work(I didnt know whyd he answer?) I hang up. Then I call at midnight because he goes to his friends house after work usually and when he answers he freaks out and says he has had enough. He is no longer attracted to me because I have become so needy and need too much attention. I get anxiety thinking about it because I just want him to understand where I am coming from. He continues to yell and asks me why we always fight about time and why I cant just get some friends (After college most of my friends spread out). He continues to saying leave me the heck alone! Dont ever talk to me again I dont want you and dont want to be with you. Im not in love and dont want to deal with your craziness anymore. Find someone who does. I AM DONE. Then to add to that he says he still loves me but doesnt get why I am soo different now and its not doing it for him. He also says he doesnt get why I pick the worse time to call him, when he is tired or at work (when he is the most moody) The last thing he said to me was I dont see myself with you now, or in the future best of luck to you bye. Then blocked me.

So as I mentioned this whole year has been constant fights because of my insecurities off and on it always ends with him blocking me and then reaching out to me a week later. I’m anxious because I want to just be myself again the version who wasnt so insecure but I think he is done waiting for me. Honestly, we’ve never gone a month with no contact and I just dont even know how to feel at the moment. My bday and his bday are coming up I want to do NC but I am afraid he will reach out on my bday and I really just want to move forward and go back to how things were before all of the fighting. Is it even worth it anymore. Looking at the other articles on this website it seems that my chances are slim to even have him reach out. Im sick of him being there one min gone the next so how do I get him to commit or just stay away. I need stability. Honestly, he knows exactly what to say to hurt me when we fight and he said all the right things this time soo why does he come back? He says I am not what he wants but shows up a week later wanting to reconnect. Please help me. Does he really mean it this time or was he in the heat of the moment? Im so sick of being an annoying person to him but I cant help feeling like he doesnt even remember who I was before this year.

If you could help me sort my thoughts that would be great. Is this on and off again relationship even worth it anymore. Will it be if I get my confidence back or is that what he says to keep me hoping we’ll reunite.

Please help! Thank you (p.s. sorry for the novel)

Rachael

July 22, 2016 at 2:17 am

Amor,

Okay, I am currently on day 2. It hasn’t been too bad because I am pretty busy with school. If he contacts me on my birthday should I bother responding? According to the NC guide it says not to contact him for his so I wont but, should I short respond if he contacts me so I wont be rude.

Please advise.
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 22, 2016 at 6:15 pm

sorry Rachael.. it’s not allowed too
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 21, 2016 at 1:55 pm

Hi Rachel,

why not be active in no contact for 45 day?

Layla

July 14, 2016 at 1:49 am

my boyfriend and I dated for 2 years. broke up for 5 months. back together for 4 months. broke up. is this considered on/off again. do i do 30 or 45 day no contact

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 14, 2016 at 6:54 pm

Hi layla,

yes it is on and off.. and yes on 45 days

Jolyn

July 5, 2016 at 5:38 am

Hi Chris,

About a year ago, my boyfriend broke up with me and I followed your guide and we got back together after about two to three months after. The last time he broke up with me he said he lost feelings for me and then he had a friends with benefit relationship with this other girl straight after. After we got back together, things were great except sometimes I do feel insecure because of what happened last time and he still remains contact with this girl because they are in the same student club. Fast forward to a month ago, he said he wants a break from the relationship and said that he was unhappy sometimes but happy sometimes and he does not know what love means and that he feels like he’s not doing enough for me and he said he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. I begged really badly last time but this time we just had a talk and I said fine if that’s what you need and I told him that I will be moving on with my life and not be waiting for him and I also did ask him if he wants to break up now since he was already asking about what we should do with the shared car but he said no he is still undecided. Just before the break he was doing really nice things for me like surprising me with flowers when he came to pick me up from the airport two weeks before etc. This just makes me really confused with the situation. I have done no contact as best as I can as we bought a car together in February this year and we had to arrange for pick up and drop offs of the car. Apart from the car, he did not mention anything about the break or talk about our relationship at all. Last week he contacted me to ask me about the car issue and he asked me to buy over his share of the car so last night he dropped the car off and I saw him for the last time I guess. He seemed pretty sad still but did not mention anything about the break. I’m really confused if we have already broken up because it just seems like he’s avoiding to break up with me officially to avoid hurting me again? Also, he is only 22 and I’m 26 so could this be because he does not what he wants? Would it be wise if I contacted him to ask him what is our situation now regarding the break?

Please help as I am so confused by this whole situation. =(

Jolyn

July 5, 2016 at 10:27 am

Hey Amor. Thanks for the reply. So should I take it as if we have already broken up or would we still be considered as on a break?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2016 at 11:02 pm

you’re welcome..take it as a breakup
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 5, 2016 at 6:27 am

Hi Jolyn,

nope restart nc now..

ANOM

July 4, 2016 at 7:17 pm

My ex boyfriend and I, both still under age 18, dated for 3 and a half years before he broke up with me. We were apart for 7 months, during which time he rebounded twice and really made a lot of mistakes wih drugs, partying and stealing. He finally came back to me and broke up with his rebouns girl, telling me I was his soulmate and that he always knew he would come home to me. He broke things off again about a month later, saying that he needes to be on his own for a while and that our relationship takes too much effort. He believes that it was the wrong time to try again, and that forcing the relationship would only drive us farther apart. He said, however, that he wanted me to be a part of his life forever and that he wanted to be friends, and eventually work his way back to being together. At first he made it sound like I’m not his “type”. I told him, very respectfully, that I could not bear the pain of being in his life as only a friend. He conceded that I was right, then poured out his heart, saying that he still felt he would always come back, and that I have “gravity over him like two stars” and that he can’t shake it. He told me he still believes I am his soulmate, and that he needs a lifetime with me. He said that “we dont’t work” but he doesn’t believe that either of us will truly be happy with anyone else. He finally said that we will have our relationship in time, but now was not the time. My question is, should I even be trying to get him back? The first time we broke up, he always implied that we would get back together and that he would always love me, and he told the truth despite all the fights and anger and hate that followed. He did still continue to love me and he still does. He tells me he does often, in such a way that I don’t doubt him for a second. If he is telling me right now that he wants a lifetime with me, but that we “fell in love too young”, shouldn’t I believe him? He says he hasn’t yet figured out his wishes or his direction in life, and that he can’t be with me until he does that. He says he honestly believes it could work if we were older and had those things sorted. I do understand what he means by this; our relationship is very intense, as a result of our crazy feelings for each other, and he has never been able to focus entirely on himself while with me. This guy would do anything for me and just can’t stop himself from putting me first. In the time we were apart, he wasn’t able to sort anything out either because of the crazy transformation he went through. Plus he was never single for any significant amount of time. In the time before he got a new girlfriend, he was still continuing to see me and put me first. In fact even after he got his first rebound girl, he did the same. He gives me what I want without being able to help it so I can see that he needs space from me. I fully intend on giving him that space, because he has given me everything. But after that, should I just be friends and trust that he really will come back when he is ready? His feelings for me didn’t fade over 7 months of being apart, 4 of which we saw very little of each other and talked rarely. When he came back, he was as loving as ever. Nowadays he cries when I hug him and tells me how hard this is for him. I honestly believe he is just trying to protect himself, and that he and I will always love each other. Aside from working on myself and figuring out ways to put HIM first when we are together, do I really need to “win” him back? Or should I trust him on this? I don’t want to be only his friend, but I do have this indescribable feeling in me that he will be in my life forever, no matter in what form. If right now we are supposed to be friends, and reconnect as friends, doesn’t that make more sense than keeping my distance after no contact, hoping he will come back for a romantic relationship? What if we need each other, but right now in a different way? I have watched him date before, and I am prepared for it to happen again, but I honestly believe that as long as we are in each other’s lives, no other person will be able to replace the special bond we have.

EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 9:25 pm

Hi Anom,

the only truth is you’re young.. he wants to do a lot of things without the complications of a relationship.. and you have to learn individuality first.. you can’t be his 50%.. A healthy relationship is composed of two people of are independent and don’t need each other but each other is a good complement in their lives..

Sue

July 1, 2016 at 6:21 pm

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I broke up once before (he left me) due to his stressful job situation and tough financial times for his family. Prior to the first break up, we had been together for 1.5 years. The stress had caused us to fight a lot, and I overreacted a lot due to my undiagnosed depression. He came back to me after five weeks and wanted to try again.

The second time, things were starting to get a lot better because I went to counseling and really worked on myself. He admitted that things were getting better and even felt that he could see marriage with me. However, two weeks ago I shared about a terrible event that happened to me during the time we had gotten back together (I’d give you more details but it does not involve cheating or any misbehavior.) He was supportive initially but had a hard time coping and said he would find a therapist to help him cope. Now he has crumbled under his stressful job, family finances, and with nightmares/anxiety attacks about what had happened to me. He says he is not ready for a relationship right now because he is too stressed.

Do you think I can get him back? I love him so much, and I know he loves me. But he clearly has anxiety issues and does not cope well. I’m not sure if he just needs more time to cope with the traumatic news or if this is really the end. I’m in Day 2 of No Contact.

Sue

July 2, 2016 at 11:25 pm

Hi Amor,

I tried sending an email to [email protected], but it says that the email address is invalid. Are you sure that is the correct email address?

Thanks,
Sue
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 4, 2016 at 5:40 pm

oh god no! I’m sorry! I don’t know why I typed that.. it’s [email protected]
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 6:39 pm

Hi sue,

it’s that bad, it affected him that much? it depends on what it really is.. if it’s too personal try our email: [email protected]

ANON

June 27, 2016 at 2:46 am

Hi,
My boyfriend and I have only broken up twice, so I would not characterize it as on again off again, but nevertheless I believe I need to follow a different plan. We were together for over 3 years before our first break up, after which he had two rebound relationships in addition to hookups. He eventually left his second rebound after I initiated no contact for a month and a half. We were apart for nearly 7 months when he texted me and told me he still loved me.

He said he wanted to take things slow, and that he felt he still needed time to himself, but I disregarded his request and pushed for the relationship to move faster. He obliged, and everything seemed great until we had a disagreement. He accused me of being the same person as in the old relationship, and he soon broke up with me. He told me he no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me or anyone else, and that he doesn’t think I am mature enough to change my controlling and obsessive behaviours. Admittedly I did begin to act crazy when I saw him pushing me away, which likely helped cause the break up. I did ask for another chance, which he declined. He insisted that he had made his decision and that I would not win him back, because he believed I had proven for a second time that we couldn’t be together. Everything was very emotional and he said some awful things about our original relationship. When things calmed down, he apologized and said he didn’t mean those things, and we discussed the situation more. I suggested being friends, which was an offer he had put forward following the break up as well as from the very beginning, before we began the new relationship. We agreed that we tried getting back together at the wrong time, and I suggested possibly trying again in the future after reconnecting as friends, rather than jumping straight into something romantic. He only said we would need to discuss it later, however he did agree to being friends and things are amicable between us for the moment. I do intend to have a no contact period, however I do believe I need to be friends with him before resuming a relationship. Yesterday he insisted that he loves me and doesn’t want to be with anyone, but that I would be his first choice if he did. Today he seemed more focused on the idea that we tried for three years then tried again after a break, and things still didn’t work out. My question, I suppose, is whether given time, space, and an opportunity to reconnect as friends, I have a good chance at rekindling things with my boyfriend. Will the love he has for me be enough to overcome his skepticism that we can make things work? Do men generally come back more than once? He was very hurt by everything that happened, and I can tell it is because of how deeply he cares. He is definitely protecting himself from being hurt by me again.

ANON

June 29, 2016 at 8:42 pm

Hi, I am definitely going to give him more time, but in general, do men mean what they say after breaking up a second time? Is he, most likely, gone for good? He has told me he “doesn’t believe in love anymore” and I don’t know how to show him I have changed if he is avoiding me. Even after no contact. In all honesty, he went through a grass is greener phase in which he partied hard, screwed up his life, then wised up. He came back right after he got things together. I believe I should not have taken him back right away, as he did not take time to heal frok the break up and be on his own. Rather he changed into a different person and then came back to exactly the same place he was before we broke up the first time. My question is, is it too late to give him time to figure his life out independently, now that we have been together again once, though for only a month?
EBR Team Member: Amor

July 1, 2016 at 11:03 am

nope it’s not… while you’re giving him time focus on yourself.. so that when you talk or see each other again, he will get a sense of what he should have done with his life, seeing that you’re doing so good.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Anon,

I think he needs mkre time to see that you’ve really changed and you need to check this post out too: Will An Ex Boyfriend Break Up With You To Protect Himself?

Karen

June 25, 2016 at 4:57 pm

Hi there,

My boyfriend and I were together for about a year and then he broke up with me. We got back together 3 months after and were together for 10 more months until he broke up with me again. I knew we were having some difficulties (he said he felt like he couldn’t always be himself around me), but we also had a lot of really great times. He’s been under a lot of stress lately because of work, so when he decided to end things I immediately attributed it to all of the pressure he was feeling in all of the different areas of his life. The breakup felt very sudden and impulsive, almost as if it was triggered by the stress he was feeling. Going into the conversation, it didn’t seem like he was going to break up with me. But after nagging him a bit about different things, I think I pushed him over the edge.

What do you think my chances are of reconciling?

Karen

June 28, 2016 at 5:43 pm

Hi amor,

I started NC right after the break up. So it’s been 4-5 days.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 29, 2016 at 1:42 pm

I think you have a good chance..just let him sort out his problems for now
Karen

June 28, 2016 at 2:56 pm

Hi Amor,

I am doing NC right now. It’s only been about 4 days. I did try to transfer him some money that I owed him, but he just recently declined it. What are your thoughts?
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 28, 2016 at 11:21 am

HI Karen ,

are you in nc now?

Mel

June 24, 2016 at 1:12 am

My boyfriend now says he wants to be alone and can’t commit to me right now the way he feels like I deserve cause he wants to be alone cause he gets jealous, is busy, and doesn’t trust people. Thus, he just pulled the same crap he has done like 6 or 7 time already. I think he may be seeing his ex. He has also cheated on me multiple times and broken up with me multiple times. He just stopped talking to me and didn’t at first tell me he hadn’t to break up just that he thought we should take a break since he was so busy. I got mad tried to break up with him. Then he just proceeds to ignore me and every time I tried to find out what went wrong, see him, or talk to him in general he would just say he was busy. This went on for a month. Until he finally said he can’t commit to me right now. I sort of sent a lot of messages tell him off because I am so tired of him doing the same crap over and over again. I am sure that he just got mad cause one of my guy friends posted a comment on my facebook wall and then gave me the silent treatment. Then got annoyed cause I was trying to talk to him. He cheated on me because he was jealous. He came back begging for me back and said his life had no meaning without me. He said I was everything he wanted and he lost it all and fucked up so bad. I don’t understand how he always goes from one extreme to the other. We have broken up like 6 or 7 times only to get back together. Why all a sudden does he decide he no longer wanted me? Why does he keep pulling this crap? How do I recover from this? What do I do? Should I just give up on him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2016 at 11:52 am

actually we have. Here it is:EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

I Agree that you should move on.. it’s become toxic.
Mel

June 24, 2016 at 4:56 am

Maybe you should do a post about if it is worth it to get an ex back. Not all of them are good for you. Mine is a narcissist. I was told more likely on sociopath end of narcissist. Not sure it is worth it going down that road again. Yes he will want me back eventually. But will anything really change probably not. Maybe people are trying to get back ex’s they shouldn’t.
EBR Team Member: Amor

June 27, 2016 at 11:52 am

actually we have. Here it is:EBR 016: Should You Take Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

I Agree that you should move on.. it’s become toxic.

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