5 Critical Ways To Get Over and Move On After Your Ex Dumps You

786 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

Lee

May 26, 2015 at 8:19 am

Hi chris
I’ve read your advice, I will try to move on but was odd how my just recent ex bf had chased me for months to finally get me and treated me the way I deserved compared to my only other Bf i have had (which was my first love and took me a year to get over him). Week ago he went all cold on me and I tried to help and figure it out. I always gave him space satisfied him and he even said how wonderful i was, best girl he has been with. But yesterday he broke up with me because he still loves his ex gf that he broke up with last year. How does something like this happen when he seemed so invested in me and wanted me for so long just to drop me after he gets me. I know i have to move on but i feel i will never find the right one specially when he seemed so right for me.

Cori

June 12, 2015 at 5:15 pm

Lee, this same thing just happened to me. I thought I had met the man of my dreams, and he said the same about me. He pursued me, convinced me to open up and trust him, and that he was always going to be there. We had the best releationship I have ever been in. Happy, fun, committed, same passions in life, etc. and each had our time to be ourselves as well, with total trust. Met all of eachother friends, etc. OUT OF THE BLUE he said he can’t do this any more because he was confused as his ex girlfriend from last year was trying to get back into his life. He felt it was unfair to me and to himself to be together until he figures out where he is at. At that was 40 days ago. He strung me along for 30 days, reached every couple of days, we would have dinner, go for a hike, kiss hug, one time had sex, and then after 30 days I couldnt have my heart broken over and over every day so I told him I cannot do this anymore and he said I am not ready to get back yet.. I can only “be where I am at right now” he then made some mentions of things we need to do in the future and tell me how much he needs me in his life.. WTF?” That was 12 days ago.. i have not texted, called, anything, and he has not either. Its killing me as I cannot even process that this happened when we both agreed we were the best relationship ever. So.. I relate to you and I just wanted to share my story because maybe it will help to know I am going through the same devastating situation and cannot move on. Im actually afraid to let go of my pain and sadness because it sickly connects me to him still.
Chris Seiter

June 2, 2015 at 2:37 am

How long ago did he break up with you?

Nic

May 18, 2015 at 5:46 am

Hi,

Me and my boyfriend of nearly 2 years broke up in november last year. We both moved away and now we are only living an hour away from each other. For the last 4 months we have been hanging out and sleeping with each other. In his words we are ‘trying to sort it out’ but every time I ask him what he wants or if he wants to be with me he says he doesn’t know. It’s not like I’m a booty call though because like I said I live over an hour away and I only see him once a week and sometimes less than that. He has lied to me about sleeping with other girls and I have recently found out that he has lied to me about talking to his ex girlfriend (girlfriend before me). Every time I confront him about something I hear he gets angry at me and says he doesn’t have to answer to me…. My question is firstly do you think he wants to get back with me, or is he just playing me? And secondly if he is playing me, what can I do to stop talking to him… He has done so many things wrong by me since we have broken up and I keep going back… There is nothing he hasn’t done that I have cut him out of my life… Please help
Katy Mcferrel

May 15, 2015 at 6:54 am

Hey chris. So me and my boyfriend made a year in april. Last week he broke up with me, and his reason was because he says for the last two months I haven’t shown him enough affection. We’ve talked about the break up and he says he still loves me, but that he dosen’t want to fall inlove agian, and that he wants to focus on making himself happy and work. He still talks to me every day and even gets mad and tells me when he sees me talking to another guy. what should I do? I miss him so much and I don’t want to have to move on but should I?

Chris Seiter

May 19, 2015 at 5:32 pm

Can you be more specific about the affection thing?

Is that true or is that his way of saying he wasn’t getting enough sex?

Bethany Young

May 14, 2015 at 10:29 am

Hey Chris,

first of all – I’m a 16 year old girl who’s been in a relationship for almost two years from now. Last year I switched schools and my boyfriend and I got in the same class. At first I didn’t mind at all because before we rarely saw each other since he lives out of town. One year later everything’s changed. My boyfriend started taking me for granted, only wants to see me once or twice a week because he’s busy with playing soccer and going out with his friends. The two days we met in a week we usually just stayed over each others’ house and did nothing but sitting in each others’ rooms and just have a nice time. After a while I got bored of this because of course, people change. We grow and expect different things once in a while. About half a year ago I started telling him that we need to change something in order to stay in a relationship. At the same time I started my gym membership and I loved it. I could forget about everything for a little time and I just felt great for finally becoming phyiscally active and liking it. A guy six years older than I is working at the gym and I never really noticed him until the day he texted me on facebook. Afer two months of chatting and talking to each other on the phone and at the gym I really liked him. He gave me the feeling that I’m everything for him and he’d always do anything to meet up with me (since he has a car and my boyfriend doesn’t). My boyfriend has been studying for his drivers license for almost a year now and is simply too lazy to study harder and attend the exams (it’d be a lot easier to see each other more often and to do more things together in general). In march I decided to take a break from my boyfriend because it simply didn’t fit anymore. I’ve already told him so many times to change but he wouldn’t, so what am I supposed to do? I can’t make him love me more or want to see me more. Of course, we see each other five times a week at school but only as BEST FRIENDS, I started getting used to this and didn’t really know if I just like him as a friend anymore. So being in the same class as my ex boyfriend isn’t THAT much fun, especially when he doesn’t know you’re still meeting this guy from the gym and has high hopes on getting back together. He’s already missed so many chances, why would I believe him now? He won’t ever make me feel like the new guy does and I think that’s a clear sign to finally move on. But I can’t. Because I see my ex every single day at school. And it sucks. How am I supposed to be happy with a new guy if I always get remembered of the past? I just wanna feel okay again and stop worrying about everything I do. My ex always texts me because we’re FRIENDS but controls me on weekends (e.g. sending him photos of where I am) and stuff like that. I don’t know what to do.. This new guy gives me butterflies and goose bumps every time he’s around/touching me. Please help me.

Bethany!

Bethany Young

May 15, 2015 at 6:58 am

He would always want me to send him pictures of me and the people I told him I was with. Even when I tell him I’m at home he would always want me to send him proof. All I want is to move on but maybe falling in love twice in life is unacceptable, maybe I just want too much. Maybe it’s too selfish trying to please yourself instead of others.
Chris Seiter

May 14, 2015 at 3:58 pm

Wait, he controls you?

How?

Amanda Peddler

May 11, 2015 at 3:55 pm

Hey Chris I may get a generic answer but im really confused about where I stand with my ex. We dated for a year and a half and we were so in love it was great and I I even love his family. Losing him killed me. But kind of ruined things so he broke up with me a month ago. He says hes done and he wont change his mind but we still text and I see him occasionally and theres still lots of chemistry. I catch him looking at me and its not awkward we just talk and stuff nothing too serious though. But I don’t know how he feels. But he says he loves me and would want to be with me but he doesnt want a relationship and hes not coming back to me. Im putting the effort in to talk to him and I want him back so bad sometimes I have good days where I think im okay and I love my freedom then theres other days where I hurt so bad and all I do is cry and pray. He says he still loves me and we are fiends but hes not coming back. I still talk to him and everything because it makes me feel better but sometimes like today he wont respond, im really confused about the whole situation. im sort of obsessed with him. But I need to know if I should really just give up the hope or what? Do I have a “horrible chance”?
Brenda J

May 6, 2015 at 8:11 pm

Me and my ex were on and off for 3 years and it was long distance, the entire time i was nothing but faithfull and loyal to him and he has put me through so much shit , and i forgave him becouse i loved him. I only saw him once a month but when i did it was perfect, and i didnt want anything else with anyone, i have rejected so many guys for him.. good guys who probably wouldve treated me better but no matter what i do i cant get over him.. its been a month since we’ve seen each other and we tried to work things out but eventually fell out of place and we havent talked in about 3 weeks, i asked his cousin how he was doing and he accidentaly told me he had a girlfriend over there, were he lives. that hes been with her for about 7 months.. Could he be lying? or did i get cheated on this whole time?
I dont know what hurts more, being with him or not being with him..

any advice?
Nia

May 1, 2015 at 8:21 am

Hi chris ,
I was in a relationship with a guy , from 4 months , we recently broke up last week . Jus 2 days after the break up he started dating some other girl . We shared all our past , he also shared about his past ex girfriends . But now during the breakup he said he will be dating this girl next , who is his student . He jus said she is his student nothing more then that .
I was in touch with his friend, after the breakup , thats when his friends said , “you need to move on , this girl and him jus renewed there relation , might be she was meant to be with him , she was his ex , but they were not in relation” .
After hearing all that , i felt like i was a rebound partner to him.
He was so nice in the start , then after getting in relation , he turned possessive, telling me to block my friends , saying i dont respect him .
He said he is dumping me , because” i cant over look you past mistakes “. I never disrepected him , he used to badmouth me a lot while in every fights , he used to disrespect me all the time , and never trusted me .

I am so confused about what this relationship was , was i the rebound partner to him ? Or the relationship he is in now is a rebound relationship?.
I dont know whether i should wait or move on , because i still have feelings for him .
Please , any suggestions will surely help me .
I feel so stuck right now .

I check on his social profiles every now andd then .
I feel like moving on because he is in relation now . Please help .
Is it possible to get him back ?
Because i did all the begging , pleading and apologizing .
Now we are not in touch from 5 days, and i haven’t heard from him since then. Does this means he has moved on ? Is moving on the only option i have now ?
Please help .
Thank you .
Maggie

April 14, 2015 at 2:58 pm

Dear Chris,

My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. I’m 21, I was a model, I study engineering, I do theatre, I sing, I perform stand up comedy… So yes, I’m smart, socially active, and well… not ugly. Anyway, I gave him everything that I wanted, because my education and career come first for me. Space. Right? That’s how it functions. I need my own place to function… that was a given. But then he very randomly said that he loves me the most but he’s leaving… and that didn’t make sense.

Anyway, I said goodbye like the strong person he remembers before I fell into tears after seven long years. I know it’s my bad karma, I’ve rejected enough people to not get this from the universe. But somehow, I still love him. I don’t want him to come back, all the reminders are gone, his pictures are off my phone, I’ve deleted his number… we’re not talking, I’m not getting drunk… but… I still wonder, where did I go wrong? Was it wrong to be honest that though I want monogamy, I don’t want a marriage? Or the fact that I laid open everything about my life in front of him? What was my mistake? Was I too honest? And what is too honest? Isn’t that what an adult relationship is? Two people who have their own lives, meeting after a long day, sharing some connection that makes them consider the other their home?

My last show was a few days after the break up, worst show ever, I never got so bombed on stage. And the path I am on, I can’t afford to underperform. Is there no way to speed it up?

Also, I’m a broke college student, from India…
Britt

April 13, 2015 at 5:02 am

Funny that your name is Chris, because that’s actually my ex’s name. Honestly I didn’t read the whole thing, I think I’m in a good place as far as getting over him. But I did read where you said to stop feeling sorry for myself… I am okay, actually better, without him, but I do still hate what he did/ how he treated me after all I did for him… I don’t contact him at all and I don’t want to or plan on it ever, I do have some stuff he gave me still because they were special and I don’t think I should just get rid of them, I accepted them as mine and not a reminder of him… I don’t think he deserved me, I think I’m too good for him… Actually I know*** he didn’t deserve me. I try not to regret the relationship because it was a big deal to me, even though he doesn’t feel the same (or so he said), but it still pains me that it happened and in such a shitty way. any advice for getting over the hurt, rather than getting over the guy?

Chris Seiter

April 16, 2015 at 4:27 pm

It just takes time.

I know thats not the answer you probably want to hear but thats the truth.

Josie

April 12, 2015 at 5:02 am

My Ex boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I didn’t text him for 3 day I contacted him everyday and got no reply and now he tells me to not contact him anymore but I still love him what do I need to do
Hanna

April 8, 2015 at 2:38 am

Hey I’m going through a break up and I don’t talk to him and I try to avoid him in class. And once I thought I was over him I see him talking to a new girl. We broke up cause he said he didn’t want a girlfriend! I want him out I my head and to get over him. Like when I see him in class I don’t want think of anything and don’t feel anything. What do you think I should do?
Bibi

April 4, 2015 at 4:47 pm

Hi Chris,

I’ve been following your website for quite sometime already with the mindset of trying to work things out with my ex, but it’s been 4 months already and I feel that moving on is the best thing for me at this point because I am just too smart, pretty, and successful for him. (Sorry if it sounds arrogant but I’m owning that mindset as an ungettable girl ;))Nonetheless I thank you for the insight and your articles About understanding the man mind. However, since I believe your a men expert like you said, I wanted to consult with you some things I found out in the last couple of weeks. About 3 weeks ago my ex showed up at a place I was at with a girl, I was with a friend and we decided to leave without saying a word. He knew I was there because he had seen a picture of my friend and I 15-20 min before he showed up and he later sent me a long formal apology text saying that he did know I was at that place and that he was sorry he made me uncomfortable and that he understood the cold shoulder. However, before sending that apology text he called our common friend about 30 min later saying that we had been immature for not saying hello to him. (The arrogant nerve!) then when our friend told me he was selfish for feeling entitled to a hello he felt he was attacking him. Anywho, going back to the formal bs apology text, I didn’t reply but I talked to our friend about what happened and asked him to tell me everything he knew about what my ex had said about our break up because I didn’t know if he was sending mixed signals. He said that he told him his heart hadn’t been in the relationship for over a year and that he didn’t miss me, but rather the company of having someone to go out on dates. Although those words were hurtful and hard to digest, I felt that they weren’t sincere, just something that my ex said to justify the way he acted about our break up, which wasn’t very manly at all and he doesn’t want to feel and for his friends to see him as a jerk. I mean, how can you be in a relationship for over year if you aren’t all there? What a coward. Plus I found out he had been talking to an old friend that happened to have a crush on him some time before the break up. Truly I think I everything went down the drain when I got a job, a car and entered the adult world before him, 3 months prior to the break up.thats when I feel he grew distant until I confronted him about his feelings, a confrontation that led to our break up. All he said was sorry but he never told me any valid reason as to why he didn’t want to be in the relationship, spare my feelings I supposed but still very cowardly. I think it is also worth mentioning that for about 3 out of the 4 years of the relationship, he had exhibited signs of depression, saying that he was worthless, dumb, ugly, fat, things that I felt were unhealthy but that I wanted to help him with, because truly I didn’t think that was who he was, but you can guide the mule to water but you can’t make it drink the water. And apparently he’s already moving on, dating, finishing his masters in another city something I encouraged and helped him out with, which doesn’t hurt me so much anymore, but I just want to be at his level already where I can move on too and like you said “make him regret it.” Just wanted to see what your thoughts were on that topic. Do men fall out of love when women are more successful than them ? Are they really moving on of they have such low self esteem and depression? What to expect in the future if they come back?
Thanks!
-Bibi
Samatha Pier

April 3, 2015 at 1:10 am

i did it because it was like a “bachelorette party” thats it. It doesnt mean i dont love him. Should i apply your method or just move on?

admin

April 7, 2015 at 8:22 pm

A bachelorette party thing?

I don’t know but cheating is cheating… He isn’t going to see it as a bachelorette party thing at all trust me.

Samatha Pier

April 1, 2015 at 11:56 pm

Hello, i cheated on my husband and he found out. when he comfronted me about it, i lied saying it was not true, after 1 month he found out that i lied and now he doesnt trust me. We got marry 2 months later and he “forgave me” one month after our marriage he found out about more details a d he decided to get divorce. Our marriage lasted less then Kim Kardashian. Now my husband hates me, talks bad about me with friends so he can feel like the victim. Mind you he also cheated on me after the wedding. He is going out with girls on porpuse in public and not giving a damn about me nor respecting me as a woman. I feel like all of this is my fault and i can’t control this pain im feeling. He has called me names and disrespected me BIG TIME. He is very “machista”. The reason why he wont consider a reconciliation is because everyone knows about my infidelity and he feels ashamed. He cares a lot of what people/friends thinks about him as a man. What should i do?

admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:52 pm

He feels hurt you cheated on him.

Why did you cheat?

What were you feeling to make you cheat?

KJ

April 1, 2015 at 12:40 pm

Struggling after a 21 year marriage to do the no contact thing…for good!
It’s been over 2 years since we officially separated and after on and off contacting, trying to be friends, trying to work it out and both of us being in new relationships that didn’t work it’s been awful.

I think of him everyday still and my second new relationship feels like my attempt to escape from myself.

Now he refuses to speak to me saying it hurts too much to hear or read from me. I am devastated. It was his birthday today and he ignored my birthday message. I understand why he is like this but I am not coping.

admin

April 2, 2015 at 11:42 pm

I think taking a step back maybe in NC is a good idea.

Ally

March 31, 2015 at 9:16 pm

My friend said you’re really helpful so I checked out this page and liked it and I need some more of your advice. I’m 19 and I broke up with my ex months ago, because he treated me horribly and although I loved him deeply I didn’t deserve what he put me through and I put my foot down after a year of it and told him how bad he treated me and he didn’t deserve me. He seemed fine with the breakup like it didn’t phase him and said he doesn’t want to talk ever again afterwards and that he’s been realizing were not meant to be and he’s fine with moving on and that he was actually planning on breaking up with me himself, because I am not “the best he can do”. Since then I’ve brushed it off the best I can and I’ve been doing really well and I’m starting my own business soon, which I’ve wanted to do and have been working really hard to do forever, and everything is great I am finally confident and happy with myself and excited where I am going in life and happy to be living it my own way. The only problem is at first I didn’t hear from him for a while and I didn’t think I would, because he said he wouldn’t talk to me and he’s stubborn so he usually means what he says, but now he won’t leave me alone even when I tell him I don’t want to hear from him. I feel like every time I am starting to make real progress he pops up out of nowhere and it sets me back. The worst part is that he’s not a nice guy and all he does is complain about my flaws and why he’s actually better without me or that he’s glad I broke up with him… I don’t care if he’s doing well or not anymore I never asked if he was. I just want him to stop hindering my progress I want him out of my life and to stop popping up when I start feeling good or think I’m done with him, that might sound harsh, but he’s a mean guy and I can’t be happy with someone like that in my life. I’ve erased his number his email I don’t check his social media or anything I told him to stop contacting me because I deserve better and he’s still continuing to hurt me and I am so sick of it. I don’t understand it anyway, because he said himself he didn’t want to talk after the breakup… I want to know that he’s never going to contact me again I don’t want to be worried that whenever I am happy he’s going to come around and hurt me. I’ve never had anyone in my life who’s hurt me as much as him and I want him gone. I want to leave that all behind to make room for someone who actually respects me. He won’t stop randomly emailing and texting me hurtful things I barely respond and when I do it’s just to tell him to please stop contacting me, because it hurts me, but he doesn’t listen. He’s a really nasty person behind closed doors. He’s beyond manipulative, emotionally abusive, and I’ve caught him in just really stupid lies multiple times. When we were together he was constantly treating other girls better than me and being inappropriate with them and I wouldn’t even be too surprised if he cheated while we were together, he’s just a pig. He blames me for all of the problems in the relationship but says that he’s going to take away everything bad he did to me and make it perfect for his next girl… he also told me that if I had worked out more he would’ve been more satisfied with me and wouldn’t have needed to flirt with other girls… I am actually in pretty good shape. That’s just few of the mean things he sends. Hearing from him is really putting back my progress when he does this and I’d like him gone forever, to never contact me again. It’s unsettling to hear from him. Why does he keep contacting me now with all of this and how can I get him to leave me alone for good? Also, how can I not have what he sends me hurt me, I am trying to not put weight on his words, but it’s hard.

admin

April 2, 2015 at 10:41 pm

Tell your friend I said thanks for the referral.

I would block him completely.

Even the email.

Rachel

March 29, 2015 at 11:47 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex and I broke up yesterday, after being in a happy 15-month long relationship. We are both seniors in college and have one month left in this semester before we graduate. About a week ago, he said he wanted to take a break. I was upset, but agreed because he said that we would be okay, plus I wanted some space too, but not an actual break. With the stress of being together 24/7 and graduation around the corner, it was inevitable. We are best friends and have all similar interests and are generally very happy together. He is in a frat and all of his frat bros are single and party every day and night. During, the week of space, we started texting again and it was all really normal and happy. Then I suggested we meet up and he started getting weird. So I went to him and we hooked up four times and he was calling me all of his old nicknames. He said that we would meet up that night to talk about what we can change about us. But he blew me off and went out drinking instead. I texted him and called him out on it and how he was stringing me along all week and he didnt have much to say besides sorry and that he didnt know what to say and could not meet up. So now I assume we are broken up without any closure, but I still feel like I am in limbo. We are perfect together and no one saw this coming from him. Two weeks ago he even talked about us moving in together. What should my next move be in all of this?

admin

March 31, 2015 at 10:07 pm

Hmm…

I think priority one for you is to determine if you want him back or if you want to move on.

Lexie

March 28, 2015 at 7:52 pm

I’m sad, we dated for 8 months. We broke up two days ago. He told me ” your crazy about me, you would do anything for me. I just don’t have those same feelings. I’m sorry. Something is missing” I was heart broken. We had a beautiful relationship that was moving slow and steady. We rarely disagreed, we were best friends, we spent so much time together. He’d comfort me and take care of me and show love to me and I of course to him. We did break up once before (2 months ago) on my doing because I started to feel him pull back and I wasn’t getting reciprocation. We spoke about it with in two weeks and decided to get back together and he was better..trying. Really trying. I recognized it. And I was happy. I fell deeper for him over that time and then he just broke it off. I don’t know what to think. I’m hurt and want to just get over him. I know from past relationships if I have anything of his, or anything that reminds me of him, the recovery will only be that much more painful and take longer. I think about our relationship and how good it was (maybe I was the only one feeling that) and I get very upset. I won’t be able to call my best friend and share my day with him or ask him how he is? I hate this feeling I have now. I want to be strong not this weak thing that misses a man that didn’t care for me the way I cared for him.

admin

March 29, 2015 at 2:16 pm

Well, I think its important for you to determine if you want to get over him or if you want to get him back.

Seems like you are leaning towards getting over him?

Polly

March 26, 2015 at 11:27 pm

Hi there,
My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He claims he is not ready for a relationship anymore however he suffers from depression and I have to keep speaking to him to make sure he’s okay.
I don’t think NC is adequate in this situation but I am finding it difficult to move on when he is constantly contacting me.

I do feel like I want him back but he is so headstrong about not doing so and being friends.
I’m in a torn position here, I’m trying to move on but at the same time I have to make sure he’s ok himself.
Do you have any advice on how to approach this situation?

admin

March 29, 2015 at 3:07 pm

I think you have to pick one or the other haha.

In my opinion your own well being should matter most.

annette

March 26, 2015 at 7:08 pm

me and my x have not be together for 11mou when I lost our 2nd baby with ivf he will not talk to me or meet up I didn’t call or txt him for that he now with a new women,he still not give me my stuff I have ask over and over for it when mover out last may I call I tho he was happy with is new women but will not give it to me he said a few time yes I will and still not

admin

March 31, 2015 at 9:25 pm

How long has he been dating the new woman?

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