Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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The #1 Reason A Man Suddenly Commits
How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
Post categories
Evie
March 24, 2015 at 8:33 am
My ex and i broke up 2 months ago. We started off okay + amicable post breakup. But somehow I pushed him to the point that he’s ignoring me. Long story short, I wanted to maintain friendship and a casual hook up (my way of moving on!) he said he had to think about it. His answer wasn’t fast enough for me so I guess I lost his respect by constantly asking even though he kept turning me down it felt like. Now he doesn’t respond to anything and I know I’ve pushed him very far away. I’m trying the 30 day no contact but it’s hard to go beyond 1-2 weeks. :/ i feel stupid and ridiculois and desperate and it’s not me. But I just can’t seem to let it go :/ I just want to gain my dignity back ! :/ 🙁
admin
March 29, 2015 at 2:20 pm
The more you break the no contact rule the harder it becomes to regain dignity so try to do the full 30 days without giving in. Does he send you texts at all during the no contact that you’ve tried so far?
Mary
March 24, 2015 at 2:25 am
Me and my boyfriend split up a little under 4 months ago, he had a new girlfriend 2 and a half months now and all I keep doing is looking at pictures and going on dates with different guys but nothing at all feels the same, we were suppose too be getting engaged this Christmas and I just keep thinking he’s going too come back, but he looks so so happy with the new girlfriend? What should I do??
admin
March 25, 2015 at 8:04 pm
Maybe you should not go on dates with other guys for a bit.
Focus on yourself first.
What makes you happy?
Do you have any hobbies?
JJ
March 24, 2015 at 12:10 am
My ex and I dated for four months but before that we were friends for two years before getting together. I am devastated. I guess my question is, under what circumstances will trying to get him back work?
admin
March 25, 2015 at 7:58 pm
It can.
However, you have to be committed to it and understand there are no guarantees.
LC2015
March 23, 2015 at 12:48 am
I am so hurt that i dont want to have anything to do with my ex bf anymore. I want to completetly move on. However, because he is my client that i must have to talk with him every single day. Do you think i should ask him nicely to tell my boss that he is no longer want me to take care of his account? If i keep talking to him like this even though about work i cant completely move on. Please advice me. PS: one thing i am worried is that he wont reply my text. So whatever i typed may cause me anger if no response from him.
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:30 pm
Run a few texts by me then!
Angie
March 22, 2015 at 10:44 pm
Hi Chris:
I really wanted to thank you for all the work you’ve done on this site. Your advice has always been a success for me. I’m about to try getting over my ex bf without being friends. At 35, my relationship with him was the hottest ever, but also one of the most emotionally damaging to me. If (big if) I’m ever to be friends with him, I need to be fully over him first.
We have been on and off for over 6 months. The longest I did NC was 25 days, at which point he contacted me. I should note that it was after I broke up with him and told him NOT to contact me, and he is very stubborn and prideful.. plays controlling games.
He broke up with me this time after I calmly tried to discuss his habitually flirty habits with other women, especially his ex’s. He had a tantrum and ended it. I told him not to contact me and that I needed to get over him. It’s been 4 days and not super easy, but I’m hanging in there and know I have to do this. I’ve started exercising, going out, writing in my journal, and have plans to try some new things as well as some solo travel plans.
I think the key is powering through those really hard, depressing moments where you’re about to break. Distraction is useful at those times. The rest of the time, you have to try to make it bearable. You really hit on a simple, but salient point in BF recovery. No contact and actually trying to move on past him is the strongest approach. Besides, I think women settle far too often out of fear of ending up alone.
I would really like to meet that person with whom I can have the mythical excellent chemistry/erotic compatibility (I’m kinky) AND stability (trust, loyalty, reliability, etc.) I usually only find one side or the other with my male prospects, but not the package. How attainable do you think that might be?
Best,
Angie
admin
March 24, 2015 at 8:16 pm
Hi Angie,
I am super glad that you enjoy my advice and this website.
I think what you want is attainable.
However, I think you have to be willing to give up on at least one of those qualities. Remember, not everyone is everything you want. However, I bet you can get super close.
I guarantee if you’d ask my wife before she met me to describe her perfect guy it would sound a lot like me but not me perfectly.
Angie
March 27, 2015 at 1:44 pm
Thanks, Chris.
So just to clarify: do you think it’s not so attainable to find a guy who is stable, loyal, and the sex is great with?
admin
March 29, 2015 at 2:44 pm
I think that is very attainable to find.
Gabby
March 22, 2015 at 3:37 am
My exboyfriend and i had a bad break up. Alot of it had to do with me having kids and he does but not in their lives. Anyways also his words didn’t match with his actions. Also he’s an alcoholic and sex addict. I on the other hand, I’m recovering sex addict and codepedence. Anyways, even though we are both broken, thats what brought us together in the first place. I started the no contact rule. I haven’t spoke to him since the day we broke up. Almost 30 days. I keep thinking that since we are both broken and we both know are brokenness i should forgive him and try it again. But at the same time it was so hard to keep up the relationship. He sucked up my energy. I still love. I’m moving on, even though i know i am doing whats best but feel like i owe him to take him back. I also dont know if its fair i say i feel like i’m recovered more from my brokeness then he is. I’m struggling:(
admin
March 22, 2015 at 5:38 pm
Do you want him back or are you just going to try to get over him?
Gabby
March 22, 2015 at 6:48 pm
That is the question I’ve been asking myself. If he contacts me, I’m interested in what he has to say. I’m not going to contact him at all. I want to leave him alone. If he never contacts me, then i answered my question.
hailey
March 19, 2015 at 9:52 pm
Ok so me and my boyfriend of 3 months broke up a week ago. But the day before he seemed so interested and we did stuff…but a few times before that i was always hearing rumors that he was telling people we broke up or just dumb stuff and one day i asked him if he wasnted to break up and he just kept saying “i dont know”. That made me mad but i was dumb enough to stay with him. I also found out that a month before we broke up he was talking to another girl (not cheating) but he was always saying that we should still be friends cause he doesnt want to lose me,etc. But we never talk and it just makes me so mad that he walks around like he has the life and hes cool and all but hes not. Everyone talks shit bout him all the time,i was just wondering how i should move on. I was thinking maybe hang with friends more and show him that he doesnt make me sad,that im fine without him. Someone PLEASE tell me what to do. Thanks.
admin
March 22, 2015 at 3:56 pm
Hi Haily!
If you are trying to get over your ex boyfriend I would recommend just avoiding him completely to the point where you might even cut him out of your life.
Umm… If you are trying to get him back then NC is the ideal first step.
Jem
March 17, 2015 at 6:29 pm
My ex is one of those people that say .. Once an ex always an ex .. How can I make him change his mind ??
admin
March 18, 2015 at 9:03 pm
I love changing those mens minds.
NC is the first step go into it.
Jem
March 20, 2015 at 8:06 am
Do you think ? Even if the relationship ended with us fighting and blocking eachother on everything ?
Alisa
March 17, 2015 at 5:23 am
A boarding school friend of mine had introduced me to her brother a few years back. He is very attractive, intelligent, charming, successful BUT a serial womanizer. I broke up with him after 2 years of dating when I realised I wasn’t the only girl he was dating, but made the mistake of staying friends with him.
After ‘him’, I was caught in a cycle of painful and emotionally-draining rebound relationships for 7 years and then ended up back with ‘Him’ (which lasted for 8 months).
After coming back to the original ‘heartbreak’ and going through the same ‘drama’, I realised that I had to do something drastic or I would never find peace.
The point of this post is that break up hurts, but the pain will fade…just give it time. What chris says is true. Cut off all ties and concentrate on yourself. Because your emotional health is much more important then any man or woman.
I met my ex again today, I still feel those little doubts but I find googling topics like this helps keeping me on track, hence this comment.
I am older (33), wiser and stronger now from learning from my mistakes, but I just wanted to post this comment so you don’t have to waste as much time as I had. So I hope you take heed of this article and find in yourself the strength to move on. Finding strength in yourself is the only way you can move on.
admin
March 18, 2015 at 8:44 pm
I have found that cutting all ties is truly the best/fastest way to get over an ex.
J
March 14, 2015 at 9:27 am
Guys I need your help
I want my ex back! But I don’t know if he feels the same .. We dated for 10 months and ended last week .. There were issues of trust in the relationship, But I can’t help feeling like this isn’t the end.
He ended it in a very quick we are over text and the next day I found he’d made a profile on Plenty Of Fish. I often wonder if he regrets what he did or even if he misses me.
Why am I the one wanting to fight ? Why am I the one who wants him back ?
I just don’t know how to move forward
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:41 pm
Here is a good starter article on how you can tell if he wants you back,
https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/warning-signs-that-your-ex-boyfriend-wants-you-back/
Juniper
March 14, 2015 at 2:48 am
Hi Chris- Here’s my story. My ex and I were together (on and off) for four years. It was always a bumpy road, but we loved each other and tried to make it work. Our pattern was: He would always be the one to instigate a breakup. He would always be the one to come back. And I would always take him back. Then when we were back together, we would try some new strategy to prevent problems again. But it wouldn’t work. He would grow full of uncertainty and negativity, and start the breakup again. We did this dance, until we both had enough.
Then we did the one thing we’d never tried. No contact. It was awful. But after half a year, it got easier and I became more healthy and happy…still alone though. I tried to avoid him at all costs and it took so much effort since we shared a lot of friends and sports activities. I had given up a lot and it made me feel upset.
So after seven months of no contact, I asked to meet up. I told him that I wanted to be friends and that I will start being around more (around our shared friends). Also, I said I would be respectful of him as a priority. He took it well and said he would do the same. I saw him about once per month, and it was easy. Then he sent me a sympathetic text one day and it threw me back in. We met up so I could tell him that communication like that isn’t okay anymore. He agreed and apologized. We hung out the rest of the evening and it was fun, but that text had still pulled me in. I proceeded to tell him about all these lingering feelings I was dealing with. I said I cared about him. And the “l” word. Oi… It didn’t go well. He go freaked out and left. The next day, I tried to smooth things over and say I was overwhelmed with old feelings. I clarified that I was over us, still just processing things. I asked to pick things up where we left them before that conversation, and he said he liked that idea.
We haven’t talked for another 5 months though, probably because of actively avoiding each other again. I’m starting to see him again at sports event and haven’t been doing a good job of saying hi.
I was hoping to get some advice how to rebuild our friendship? I care about him, me and my friends. I just want the best situation possible. He has lots of anxiety, so I’ve usually been the one who took risks bridging our friendship. Any advice would be great!
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:37 pm
It sounds like you are split on getting him back versus leaving forever and trying to get over the breakup.
Do you have any idea of what you really want?
You don’t have to have the answer right away but eventually you will need to make a choice so you can figure out how to proceed.
Jessica
March 12, 2015 at 1:54 pm
My ex was just a complete ‘mind fuck’ we dated for 10 months, he said that I was ‘the one’ and that he had never felt so strongly about anyone; until he met me.
I completely lapped it up! Until that moment when all trust was lost and you look at them completely differently. I found naked pictures of girls on his phone and pictures he’d been commenting on, saying that girls were beautiful or stunning.
We of course had a huge argument about it and we manage to work things out, I should of ended it there and then;I never felt like he saw anything wrong with it. I tried to forget about it but it just left me insecure and self conscious.
If we argued it would always return to that incident, months later We were laying in bed and I said I didn’t Trust him and I didn’t know what to do about it, he cried and said he’d prove himself to me. But I think this was all for show because 2 weeks later he said he was going out with a girl that’s a friend ( who I had never heard of ) We’d been living together for about 4 weeks at this point and he said she’s coming over after work I did I mind going home for the night.
So many questions came into my head, is he planning on cheating? why do I need to leave? why does he not see how wrong this is, I had no issues with him meeting up with friends but surely a natural setting such a pub is better not playing a computer game in his room.!!!!
This was our downfall, Whether it was innocent or not I felt completely disrespected and the fact he couldn’t see a single thing wrong with it. We ended things that night.
The next day I tried to see if we could reconcile but he wanted to end things, I then find out that not less then 24 hours after we had ended things, He was already on Plenty of Fish speaking to girls.
Obviously he is completely selfish and immature but why am I the one wishing he would call or message, why am I the one crying for him, when it is so obvious he doesn’t care about me a single bit ?!
admin
March 13, 2015 at 8:16 pm
Well the probelm is that you are trying to get him back at the wrong time. You have done nothing to earn him back so to speak.
Jessica
March 14, 2015 at 9:28 am
What do you mean ?
admin
March 15, 2015 at 4:40 pm
A lot of getting your ex back revolves around timing.
Your ex has to be in the right frame of mind to take you back and you are pushing to get him to take you back when he is clearly not in this frame of mind and you have done nothing to put him in this frame of mind.
Gigi
March 12, 2015 at 4:53 am
I was with my boyfriend for almost 5 years we broke up recently because I caught him cheating at his job .. I have to say this is the hardest experience I ever been threw.. I completely curt it off with him instantly .. I thought to myself why would I wanna be friends or try to fix things with him .. Once a lair always a lair as well for cheating .. I wanna forget about him to bad but of course forgive him for what he did to me so I could move on and let this go!!
admin
March 13, 2015 at 8:02 pm
Like you walked in on him cheating while he was working?
That sounds like something from a movie.
Mrinal
March 11, 2015 at 4:14 pm
I went in relationship with my best friend because he loved me.It was a seven month relationship.I broke up because he abused me very badly in an argument.After a while i forgived him and we were back to normal friends but ofvourse now we were not in touch on a regular basis.On this valentines day at midnight he proposed me again and i said you are too drunk right now,leys takk tomorrow.To which he said-i knew you will say a no.But its just that i wanted to express how i feel.And today when i spoke to him he told me he slept with a girl from college and now eventually they are into relationship and from the time ibheard this i feel devstated.I mean he is the very same person who kept expressing his love and now i didnt move in my life then how could he.And i also feel bad because i m his best friend i sholuf be happy for him but i m not rather i feel jealous and i see my faith breaking.I see how all the words he said me he is not keeping them
admin
March 13, 2015 at 7:15 pm
How long have you been broken up?
Also, have you determined that you want to get over him?
Pippa
March 10, 2015 at 8:26 pm
my boyfriend and I had been together on and off for nearly three years… 1 year good, 1 year bad and small break and then together again for like 6 months. But the time we were together after the break was really good! It made me realise how much I missed him when we weren’t together and we were really really happy! He constantly told me about how happy I made him and how he could see us ending up together – we had planned to go on holiday together in the summer and we were also talking about getting each other insured on our cars. We honestly were so happy, it was like a relationship from a movie! he was such a good boyfriend until we broke up!
Basically he went to a party and I had this weird feeling about it and the day after he was being really blunt and weird and it lead to us having an argument. The next day he broke up with me, completely out of the blue because I made him unhappy (not true), we argued too much (not true) and because he couldn’t be himself around me (i feel its untrue). He then dropped this bombshell that there was this girl at the party who was giving him ‘more attention than I ever gave him’ (ALSO UNTRUE) but nothing happened between them. Once he told me this he changed and started being nice to me again and trying to kiss me and hugging me even though he ‘didn’t know what he wanted for us’. Eventually he did say he doesnt want to be with me but I’m really struggling because I see him on a regular basis and he was literally my best friend. Of course I’d like to be friends with him in the future but I’m worried it would lead to something more again! I genuinely feel that we could end up together in the future but he would need to grow up first. I don’t understand how after all that I do for him and how well i treat him, after 3 years how he can completely drop me for another girl that he had met 2 days before we broke up! I’ve also found out that hes going to a festival with this other girl which really crushed me. I need advise 🙁
admin
March 13, 2015 at 6:51 pm
Seems like she has rebound written all over her.
How old is he if you don’t mind me asking?
Ang
March 9, 2015 at 8:38 am
My exboyfriend and i dated for 3 months! Short i know but it damaged me so bad :(. His reasoning is because of my medical condtion . I experience chronic pain and i can’t walk to well . He left me at a crtical point in my process of bettering myself and it has left me, to think no one will ever want to date a damaged girl like myself. Because of said health condtions and pain i suffer from scolosis .how do i get over him we’re still friends but i said i don’t forgive him, but we agreed to be food buddies is that a good idea?? I just miss yo comfort he gave me, and always checking in on me. At nights i lay thinking about him. As well he broke up with me over the phone, and this isnt the first time a guy has left me for my medical condtion.
He also claimed i was to depressed 🙁 … I really want to move pass him..but i loved the connection we had and chemisty he just left me, due to a medical flaw i can’t change 🙁
admin
March 13, 2015 at 4:01 pm
I am sorry to hear about your medical condition.
Is there a diagnosis that will allow you to walk pretty normal again?
Ang
March 15, 2015 at 6:40 am
Well no, its life long to be honest. Just hurts when i want to believe someone is sincere i feel like , they’ll just lie to me again which destroys me
Ashley
March 9, 2015 at 2:18 am
ive honestly dated a guy for such a short amount of time( 1 week) and my attraction to him has become emotionally depressing, its been well over a month. I have done all of the things listed to get over your boyfriend forever before i read this post. it was empowering but i honestly want to feel better again and not cry when i see another girl clinging to his arms everyday. is there any methods you recommend? any advice? i really need a solution.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:49 pm
You only dated him for a week?
Alex
March 8, 2015 at 10:32 pm
Hello,
It is not sure that I fit in here, because he is married.
We met at a bar and it clicked immediately. I had ended a relationship some months before and felt ready to go out again.
In the beginning it was more for fun and I never thought that I would fall in love because I don’t fall in love easily. I am not someone who flirts or seduce men, on the contrary. He was also very clear from the start that he would never leave his family.
The relationship was purely physical, but we started calling each other every day and texting and mailing and skyping.
Even then there were no feelings from my side, although I noticed him being more and more affectionate towards me. After months, my heart gave in and I knew I was in love. He wasn’t just the man that I love, but he became my best friend. Whenever something happened, I wanted him to be the first to know.
It was the same for him.
The thing is that he never treated me badly, he is a very kind and gentle person and I would never ask him to get a divorce. That is not up to me to do.
Today his consience is nagging him and he wants to end it.
Before I met him I had my share of troubles.
When I was at college, my father died and I had to start working and help my mother. Financially, we only just managed. My brother was very abusive with me and didn’ t work at all. 5 years ago my mother died suddenly and a few months later there was a fire that destroyed everything in the house.
I managed to go on despite all this and bought the share of the house from my brother and restored it. A couple of years ago I lost my job due to illness.
And again I got better and found an even better job.
Now what I like to know is, why does this feel like the end. It hurts so much.
How come that this is making me feel that I should give up?
I don’ t recognize myself anymore. I do feel sorry for myself, I hardly eat and at work I sometimes need to run to the toilets, because I feel the tears stinging.
Every night I cry myself to sleep.
He is constantly on my mind. I miss my best friend.
admin
March 13, 2015 at 3:42 pm
He is married though?
BlueGirl
March 8, 2015 at 9:08 am
My boyfriend of nearly 9 months broke up with me this past Wednesday. I’m still reeling from it. I admit to the whole not taking care of myself in a healthy way (I’m the opposite of eating everything insight) but I also know that I can’t have him back. It’s not really my choice because I know that he isn’t mature enough to handle a relationship. I’m so hurt by this though. I feel betrayed and that I won’t be able to trust again.
I haven’t really contacted him since it happened (although I did send him one text message that morning) but I’ve blocked his number and everywhere else like skype and facebook. He actually ended things by saying that someday down the road maybe we could be friends but I don’t see that happening at all. I have no desire to be friends with someone who has hurt me in the ways that he did.
bec
March 8, 2015 at 3:51 am
Thanks for the article was wondering if you had advice on how to get over an ex who hits you. I haven’t been with him for 5 moths and I started a new relationship two months ago and we’ll I drunk rang him and my current bf heard me say things you don’t say to your ex. If you look in the dictionary and look up stupid you would see a photo of me. Please help me to make my current bf forgive me and help me to get this scum bag out of my life forever
admin
March 8, 2015 at 3:10 pm
Never talk to him again.
Never associate yourself with him again.
Delete his number, facebook or any connection you had to him.
Essentially erase him from your life.
How dare he lay a hand on you.